Tainted Star
by xcrimsonphoenix
Summary: There's a reason why Rachel wants every single solo, a reason why she doesn't let anyone meet her family. Can Santana save her from her abusive home and herself?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 1

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Alright so first off I need a beta so anyone willing to please PM me! Second this is endgame Pezberry which is my otp with heavy Faberrittana friendship as well as other friendships. Hope everyone enjoys this and please review!

It wasn't the physical pain that hurt the most, she could handle that. She had been dealing with that for almost five years now, she was use to it. It was the emotional pain that slammed into her harder than any fist ever could. The names, the taunts, the accusations. She would be able to handle them if she knew they weren't true, but she knew they were. No matter how hard she tried to tell herself otherwise in the beginning. Evan the people at school who knew nothing about her seemed to realize that she was poison. Even the members of the glee club who were meant to accept her as family couldn't. She considered herself a fool for even believing for a second that they could. Her own father couldn't accept her so why should anyone else.

She didn't cry anymore when he beat her, she knew she deserved it. She's the reason why everything went wrong. Why her dads use to stay up late fighting, why her daddy use to work long endless hours, why her own mother rejected her for another baby girl, why her dad started drinking and finally she was the reason her daddy had died. Her father Hiram blamed her for Leroy's death and he reminded her of that everyday.

Her daddy wanted her to be a star because he believed she deserved nothing less. When he discovered how much she loved to sing and perform he went out of his way to make sure she was able to. He wanted nothing more than for his baby girl to reach her dreams and be happy.

When Leroy died Hiram decided Rachel was going to reach the goal of stardom not matter what the cost. He saw it as Leroy's dream, so Rachel was going to full fill that for him. It also helped that if Rachel became a star then Hiram would be able to take advantage of all the benefits given to her. She was under his complete control.

Rachel was selfish in glee club because she had to be. Getting those solos meant her survival. Hiram showed up to every performance and if Rachel wasn't the star then she was in big trouble. She had to fight to stay alive, no matter how much she wanted to die sometimes. She felt life she had a duty to her daddy to become what he sacrificed so much for. She didn't like taking the spotlight away from everyone else but as her father keeps reminding her she was a selfish bitch and that's all she'll ever be.

There was one thing Rachel knew for sure about herself and that was she's a phenomenal actress. No one suspected a thing, no one even knew that her daddy died in the seventh grade. When she disappeared for a week everyone just assumed she had taken one of her yearly vacations with her dads to New York. No one even cared to noticed when her usual show stopping smile turned into a fake show face.

The beatings were getting worse as her fellow members demanded more solos and got them. It was getting harder to conceal the bruises but she didn't think anyone would care enough to day anything anyway. But she was wrong people did start to notice and they planned on doing something about it.

Brittany wasn't the smartest person. But when it came to people and feelings she was very observant and smart. She could see past Rachel's show smile, she saw past it the first day she wore it. But something was different now. She noticed the desperation in her voice as she fought for solos and more importantly she noticed the limp the petite diva was have the day after not receiving one. She was afraid for the small girl, she considered her part of her family because glee club was a family and it infuriated her that no one else in there seemed to notice. They were suppose to be the ones to look past their difference and give everyone a safe place to confide in. But because they were all so caught up in the competition and the lets hate of Berry fest this school seems to have no one even tried to give her that safe place. Brittany was ashamed of herself for not doing something sooner.

"I think something's wrong with Rachel." Brittany declared to her best friend as they out in the Latina's basement bedroom with their other best friend Quinn.

"Manhands? Please nothings wrong with the tranny." Santana said unconvincingly.

"Don't call her that S! I know you've noticed, there's something seriously wrong." Brittany pouted as she thought about the pain she saw in the diva's eyes as she performed earlier that day in glee. Quinn and Santana exchanged looks. No one could resist Britt's pout but that didn't mean they wouldn't try.

"Britt, Berry's fine! She's just upset she's not the center of attention anymore or that Finn has finally moved on." Quinn tried to reason. The taller blonde shot her a rare glare making both girls take a step back.

"There's something more going on. Rach is happy when others sing, I can see it in her eyes." Neither girl questioned her they knew from experience Britt was almost always right when it came to reading people. But Quinn had to ask.

"Then why does she throw a temper tantrum every time she doesn't get a solo?"

Brittany sighed. "I don't know." her shoulders slumped in defeat she knew something was going on she just didn't know what... Yet.

"Then it must be Finn that bothering her, we all know Rupaul can't handle that he's finally not following her around like a little puppy dog." The rage in Brittany's eyes really shocked and unnerved the cheerleaders. They had never seen that look a sweet Brittany.

"Stop calling her those names!" she yelled.

She was tired of this. She didn't know what everyone else's problem with Rachel was, but she knew what Santana's was and it was finally time to call her out on it.

"Rachel never loved Finn. Sure as a friend she cares for him but she doesn't love him because she's never liked boys." Two sets of mouths dropped, were they really hearing what they thought they heard.

"Finn's only a decoy."

They sat there in shock for a dew moments. Shocked that Rachel might actually be gay and that Britt had actually used the word decoy correctly.

"Berry's not gay Britt." Quinn stated dumbly.

There was no way it could be true. Rachel had never showed any interest in other girls. If she really was a lesbian then why would she hide it, the girl had two dads for crying out loud.

"I don't know why she's hiding it but she is. San I know you've noticed." The unusually quiet girl looked up as her muscles tightened at her best friends statement.

"Why the hell you I notice if manhands was gay?" she growled out, jaw locked firmly.

"Don't pull that crap with me S! I know you like her." The tall blonde stated firmly but gently.

"I do not!" she protested weakly her voice dropping to a low whisper a tell she had when she was lying.

"Oh my god you do like her." Quinn said with shock but surprisingly no detest.

"I do not freaking like manhands." she yelled pacing the room a little bit until Brittany caught her shoulders and forced her to look at her.

"Come on Sanny, enough with the names. I know you hate calling her them." she soothed gently.

"It's only us, you've already come out. In fact Rachel helped you come out. I know you like her and I know you've noticed everything I've been saying." The dancer encouraged softly as she gently rubbed a tan shoulder in comfort.

Santana remained silent staring at her fingers as she nervously played with them. Quinn slowly approached the two placing a pale hand on the girls other shoulder.

"You can't help who you like Santana. If Berry makes you happy then I support you completely."

Brittany smiled softly at the huge leap Quinn had just taken. Tucking away that she would have to work with her to get her from calling to Berry to Rachel later. Santana worried her bottom between her teeth as her looked at the supporting faces of her two best friends.

"She'll never like me back, I've made her life a living hell." she said with defeat.

Quinn gave a small chuckle as she shook her head and smiled softly at her friend.

"I there is one thing I've learned about Berry it's that she had the most forgiving soul on this planet." Britt nodded in agreement knowing how true this was she had seen Rachel give forgiveness to so many people who didn't deserve it and all they did to repay her was hurt her all over again.

"Rachel likes you to San. But right now we can't worry about that, we have to figure out what's wrong and help her. I'm really worried about her."

Brittany pouted as the other two nodded. Santana took a deep breath. She was going to help and then get her girl because she was Santana freaking Lopez and she always got what she wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 2

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Alright so first off I need a beta so anyone willing to please PM me! Second this is endgame Pezberry which is my otp with heavy Faberrittana friendship as well as other friendships. Hope everyone enjoys this and please review!

Everything just hurt, her father had been really brutal last night after she told him about Santana getting the lead in the next big group number. She wished she didn't have to tell him about everything that went on in glee club. But he wanted to know and she knew if she lied and her found out about i she would have trouble moving for a week. She had tried that once and somehow he found out the truth. She shuttered just thinking about that beating. She forced her aching body out of bed and groaned as her muscles stretched and cried out in protest. She inhaled sharply and bit down on her bottom lip. She had to suck it up, missing a day of school was unacceptable. Besides she had gone to school in worse shape then this.

She showered quickly, hissing as the warm water connected with open flesh. She bandaged herself up the best she could before getting dressed into the horrible sweater and short skirt her father forced her to wear as a humiliation tactic. The knee socks were a way to cover up the bruises on her legs and knees. She made her way downstairs and into the kitchen were she hurriedly prepared her fathers breakfast. If she was lucky he would be in a good mood and allow her to have an apple and maybe give her some lunch money as long as she reassured him that she would only eat the salad of course. He didn't want her becoming fat and ruin her chances of stardom, because according to him she already had enough strikes against her in the look department.

She tensed as she heard the familiar sound of his heavy steps coming down the stairs. She quickly placed his plate in his usual spot at the island and stood back preparing herself for when he entered. He walked in with a yawn and scratching his leg narrowing his eyes when he finally noticed her before sitting down and began grotesquely shoveling the food in his mouth that she had prepared for him.

"You burnt the toast bitch." he mumbled out with his mouth stuffed full, referring to a tiny burnt piece on the edge that could have easily been scraped off.

Rachel deflated, looks like she wasn't going to get an apple or money for lunch today. When he finished he walked over to her and piked her roughly in her bruised chest.

"Remember sectionals is coming up and you better be the star or your going to be in big trouble. Your daddy died for this you ungrateful selfish bitch, so you better do this right." he stated venomously before staggering back upstairs to get read for work.

Rachel took a few deep breaths to calm herself before grabbing her backpack and leaving her house so that she could make her long walk to school.

It was fifteen minutes before homeroom by the time she got to school. Holding her head up high and putting on her fake mask as she walked through the halls of Mckinley High trying her best to conceal her limp. As she sorted out her morning books she hadn't realized someone had leaned up against the locker next to hers and was patiently waiting for her, until she closed her locker door and jumped to find a pair of piercing blue eyes watching her carefully frowning when she saw the tiny girl wince when she jumped.

"Brittany you frightened me!" Rachel exclaimed as she held her hand over her heart which was starting to slow back down to a normal pace once again.

"I'm sorry I just wanted to say hi, I didn't mean to scare you." Brittany pouted making Rachel smiled softly at her.

This was why the trio decided to have Brittany approach her first, everyone loved Brittany and knew the tall blonde would never knowingly hurt anyone. Plus it was just impossible to say no to her.

"It's fine Brittany just try announcing herself when approaching someone who is otherwise preoccupied with other activities and may not be aware of your presence."

Brittany cocked her head to the side as a confused look took over her delicate features. Choosing to ignore the diva's statement and just ask Santana what it meant later. She decided to set the plan that the trio came up with last night in motion.

"I was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with me today Rach?" she asked with a hopeful smile that usually had people giving her what she wanted.

Rachel looked at the cherrio suspiciously wondering if she was being manipulated by the other cherrio's to set up a prank on her or maybe this was one of Coach Sylvester's scheme's to destroy the glee club. She shuttered at the thought if glee club was canceled her father might actually kill her.

"Rae? Are you okay?" Brittany asked with concern noticing the obvious change in the smaller girl as she tensed up and her eyes became distant. Rachel shook her head almost smiling at the surprising nickname.

"Yes Brittany I'm quit alright. I'm sorry but I must decline your offer for lunch. Thank you very much for the kind invitation but I must get in some practice in the choir room done." she quickly made up the excuse. It wasn't really a lie she did plan on spending lunch practicing in the choir room like she normally did.

"But we really want to have lunch you Rach." Britt pouted and Rachel had to bite her tongue to stop herself from giving in. The only thing that stopped her was that Brittany said we.

"We? Are you implying that others would be joining us if I were to accept this request?" she asked her tense muscles becoming even more tense.

"Yea Santana and Quinn really want to get to know you as well. Your always alone and I can tell your really sad. I hate seeing people sad especially hot people like you. We want to be your friends so you won't be so sad anymore." she replied with an innocence only Brittany could possess.

Rachel blushed and sighed looking up at the dancers blue eyes finding only sincere hopefulness and concern. She really wasn't trying to play her, she really wanted this. But Rachel couldn't help but be cautious Brittany may want this but Santana and Quinn? No they would never want to be her friend. Rachel had to push down the excitement of having friends and possibly getting closer to Santana and come back to reality.

"Britt your really sweet and I don't doubt your intentions in this offer nor do I wish to offend you. But Santana and Quinn have never been anything but mean to me. I do not believe they wish to strike up a friendship with me without ulterior motives." she explained hoping the blonde would understand enough to drop it.

"Your wrong Rach, Quinn and Santana are not the people they pretend to be, they hide behind a mask when at this school just like you do." she argued as Rachel eyes widened in fear hoping Brittany couldn't read what was behind mask.

"They really want to be friend and I know you do to so we'll be there in the choir room to spend lunch with you today and you'll see. They want this to happen especially Santana." and just like that the blonde dancer threw her bag over her shoulder and left for her homeroom leaving Rachel with her mouth open in shock standing there for a few moments before rushing to get to her own homeroom before the bell rang.

When lunch time came around the diva entered the choir room nervously, sighing in both relief and disappointment when she found it completely empty. Shaking her head she made her way over to the piano and began playing an unnamed lullaby her daddy use to play to her all the time. The only way Rachel would take her naps as a child was with her daddy playing this for her until her fell asleep. As she got lost in the music and precious memories she didn't notice the three figures enter the room and listen to the haunting melody in awe. When she finished she jumped at the sound of clapping coming from behind her. She turned to find none other then Brittany Pierce, Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez staring at her and clapping with a mixture of emotions across each of their faces.

"That was beautiful Rae, you never told us you could play." Brittany gushed smiling at the adoring look Santana had on her face right now the Latina's eyes never leaving the petite diva.

Rachel blushed at the praise and the nickname Brittany seemed to be insisting on calling her now.

"I don't, my daddy played this for me so many times when I was little that I memorize it just by watching him play."

All three girls saw the distant sad look appeared in the diva's brown eyes before quickly disappearing. This made them all curious but decided to not comment on it for now.

"Can you play it again?" Brittany asked placing that well known pout on her face. Santana and Quinn rolled their eyes Rachel didn't stand a chance.

"I don't know Britt." she tried squirming her her seat trying desperately to avoid looking the dancers eyes.

"Please Rae." The nickname is what did it as Rachel only nodded prompting Brittany to start jumping up and down before rushing to sit with the small girl on the piano bench as she began playing once again.

Santana listened in aw as she got lost in the haunting melody and the look of pure peacefulness on the diva's face. A look she had never seen on her even when she was singing. Santana couldn't help but wish that she could put that peaceful look on Rachel's face all the time.

Rachel played the last note and the three clapped once again. A few tears escaped the diva's eyes, she quickly tried to wipe them away hoping no one had notice.

"Why are you crying that was beautiful?" Quinn asked she to was amazed never had she heard something played on the piano so much from the heart like that. Rachel didn't have to tell them that was a privet moment she had just shared with them they could tell and they felt connected to her because of that.

"Why are you three here?" she asked deliberately avoiding the question and the three dropped it instantly not wanting to push her to far before she was ready.

"I told you we would be here." Britt explained confused, she knows she told her they would she hadn't forgotten to tell her.

"I mean why? What's the prank this time? Let's pretend to be the losers friend and then break her or maybe your planning a huge slushie attack are the football players hiding outside the room?" Rachel sneered not ready to believe that they really wanted to be her friends.

"Rachel listen to me I know we haven't been the nicest people to you." Rachel's eyes narrowed at Santana's words though she was very surprised she had used her actual name.

"Alright we've been down right bitches. But we've changed sense joining glee club and we were still so unfair to you even after we joined. We don't deserve your forgiveness and we don't expect you to give it to us but we're begging you to give a chance." the Latina pleaded.

"I've offered friendship to all of you numerous times and the only one to truly accept the offer has been Brittany. Why should I expect this time to be any different? How do I know this isn't a prank?" she asked worrying her lower lip between her teeth.

She wanted this more then anything but she couldn't trust them, and more importantly she couldn't get close to them. If her father found out they could get hurt.

"You don't Berry. But were telling you it's not and we don't expect you to trust us we know we have to prove ourselves to you. We will do anything to prove ourselves to you."

Rachel looked at each cherrio's face and tried to decide what to do she could hide this from her father as long as she was really careful. But were they worth the risk? Was it worth the risk to them? Would they even let their friendship be known to the rest of the school or was she going to be their hidden play thing. As if reading her mind Santana spoke.

"Please Rach, please just one chance that's all were asking for. We won't hide our friendship from the rest of the school. Just please give us one chance to attempt to fix what we broken an amazing girl who never deserved to be broken." the look of utter desperation on Santana's face and the surprisingly sweet sincerity of her words broke Rachel, as she began nodding her head letting them know she was willing to try. She no where trusted these girls but if they were willing to put popularity on the line for her then damn it she was going to give them a chance.

The girls sat on the chairs in the choir and began eating and making light talk just getting to know one another. The awkwardness becoming less and less as the conversations became more fun high spirited. Santana looked over to Rachel sitting next to her and noticed that the girl didn't have a lunch. She frowned and pushed her tray closer to the smaller girl urging her to share her lunch with her. Rachel began to decline but Santana sent her a look and and pointed to the food and mouthed eat. Rachel smiled as she complied. Yea these girls were definitely worth the risk.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 3

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: This is endgame Pezberry which is my otp with heavy Faberrittana friendship as well as other friendships. Hope everyone enjoys this and please review! I also want to thank my awesome beta RandomOtakuFromTumblr

Rachel felt a change in the air as she entered the school the next day. Nothing had changed, yet everything had at the same time. The jocks and cheerleaders were still giving her disgusted looks and they purposely bumped into her as she tried to make her way to her locker. But for once it didn't bother her as it usually did. She had three people who at least seemed like they were trying to change. Rachel hadn't seen any of the girls since school got out the other day, when they had decided that today they would start showing the school their friendship and Santana vowed to make sure Rachel was off limits.

She still had major doubts about the trio's true intentions, but she was so desperate to feel wanted that she was willing to take the risk of getting extremely hurt if this ended up being a prank. Nothing could be worse than what her father had been doing to her. Unless, of course, Santana found out about how she truly felt about her. There were so many ways that could go wrong. It could mess up their brand new friendship, or worse, Santana could just laugh right out in her face while exclaiming, "Never in a million years, freak!"

Rachel had to be careful on how she acted around the other girl, she couldn't give any clues away about how she really felt. Because being friends with Santana was better than nothing.

She arrived at her locker to find said girl already standing there, looking bored and glaring at anyone who dared to look at her strangely for standing at the diva's locker. Rachel found herself smiling, and before she could stop herself she was looking the Cheerio up and down, her own tongue darting out of her mouth to lick her suddenly dry lips. Damn, this was going to be difficult if just looking at the girl had that effect on her. Rachel took a deep breath to help collect herself before approaching the Latina with her usual show smile, though she realized it was slightly less fake than it normally was.

Santana noticed Rachel approaching and smirked when she saw the brunette's reaction to seeing her. Rachel was totally checking her out. Santana's smirk formed into a frown when she noticed the limp the smaller girl was trying to cover up. 'Did she have that limp yesterday? Why hadn't I noticed before?', she thought to herself as Rachel reached her and stared up at her with those beautiful chocolate eyes.

"Good morning, Santana. How are you today?", the slightly younger girl greeted politely, making Santana grin once again.

"Pretty good now that you're here. How 'bout you Rach?", yeah she was shamelessly flirting, but hey, can you blame her? Rachel was hot even in those granny sweaters. The diva's cheeks turned red as she stared down at the floor while biting her lower lip nervously. Santana couldn't help but find the sight both incredibly adorable and arousing. She was going to have to make her blush more often.

"I'm doing well, thank you.", Rachel answered, recovering slightly before looking around, then turning back to Santana with a confused look on her face.

"Where are Brittany and Quinn?"

"Gee Rach, I'm hurt. Isn't being with me enough?", Santana asked playfully, pretending to be hurt. Rachel's eyes widened thinking she had actually offended her new friend.

"Oh no, of course not! Being with you is amazing!", Santana raised her eyebrow at the way Rachel had phrased that sentence and smirked, as a deep blush reappeared on the diva's features, traveling down her neck and disappearing into her shirt. Santana licked her lips, wondering how far that blush went.

"I mean, of course having you here is enough. I was just wondering where Quinn and Brittany are at the present moment since you three are usually inseparable.", Rachel tried to correct herself in a mad rush, stuttering over some of her words. She wanted to face palm herself for acting so stupid.

"Chill, I know what you meant.", Santana laughed as the smaller girl visibly relaxed.

"Q's at a meeting with coach and Britt is going to be late today because of a doctor's appointment.", she explained

"Is she okay?", Santana smiled at the instant worry that overcame Rachel for their innocent minded friend. She really did have a huge heart.

"She's fine, is just a checkup.", she assured, watching as relief instantly washed over the other girl's face.

"Anyway, we have homeroom together. I was hoping I could walk with you.", a shy smile suddenly appeared on the Latina' face, making the diva stare at her confused. Santana was never shy about anything.

"Of... of course Santana, I would be honored."

Once Rachel had gathered the books she would need for her first few classes she and Santana departed for their homeroom. The Latina frowned again as she noticed Rachel still limping. Shrugging she decided to bring it up.

"Hey Rach, what's with the limp?", she asked as the petite girl tensed and looked as though she was trying to come up with a good answer. This concerned Santana, if it was nothing Rachel wouldn't act like this.

"I fell down my steps yesterday. It's not a big deal, just a moment of clumsiness on my behalf.", she answered in a tone that said the subject was closed. Santana had to bite her lip to stop herself from pushing for more. She knew that Rachel was lying, but she didn't say anything because the last thing she wanted to do was scare her away.

To say the whole room paused when they entered the room together would be an understatement. Everyone in that room stopped everything they were doing to stare at the two as they continued to walk to their seats together. Eyes widened as they gawked at the two known enemies as they sat next to each other. The room was deadly silent as no one dared to turn away, afraid of missing the smack down they expected to happen between the two. Even the teacher openly stared at the two.

Santana really could care less about them staring at her, but when she noticed Rachel squirming in her chair uncomfortably at the unwanted attention her features hardened and she fixed the whole room with her best HBIC glare.

"What are you losers staring at? I know Rach and I are amazingly hot, but gawking won't get you anywhere with us, so turn around.", that's all it took for the other classmates to whip their heads around and mind their own business. Though Santana did notice a few were still throwing glances back their way, namely Puckerman and a bitch cheerleader who hated Santana as it was.

Rachel stared at Santana amazed, almost in awe at the power the girl seemed to possess with just a look and a few words. The taller girl looked back at her and noticed her staring, raising an eyebrow while smirking. Her smirk became even bigger when she noticed the all too familiar blush. Third time today and they haven't even gotten through homeroom yet. It seemed like wooing Rachel was going to be easier than expected.

By the time glee rolled around everyone knew Rachel was under the protection of the Unholy Trinity. No one understood where this new change had come from, but they did know if they valued their reputations at this school, as well as their lives, they would leave Rachel alone. But of course there were a few who didn't like this change. Rachel was at the bottom and was meant to stay at the bottom, changing this social status could ruin everything for them. However they didn't worry too much about it, all they had to do was wait for the perfect moment to strike.

Rachel still couldn't believe all this was real. All three Cheerios had basically declared their friendship with the small diva to the whole school so nonchalantly as if it wasn't any big deal and the most natural thing to ever happen. But what had her most amazed and confused was Santana. The Latina was endlessly flirting with her. Now, she knew the cheerleader was a flirtatious person, but she noticed she didn't really flirt this openly with someone unless she was attracted to them. She was so confused. How on earth could Santana Lopez be attracted to her?

At lunch time the three once again met in the choir room with Rachel, since the smaller girl wasn't comfortable in the cafeteria. Honestly, they couldn't blame her, that place was sometimes like a war zone. Santana had picked up two salads today because she noticed that when they had separated from Rachel's locker a few minutes before, Rachel did not have a packed lunch with her and she went straight to the choir room instead of joining the other three in the lunch line. The diva was about to give her a long lecture about not needing to spend her money on her, but then Santana gave this look with her eyes that just made Rachel's heart melt and she accepted the salad with a blush and a quiet thank you.

They were now in glee club waiting for a once again late Mr. Schue to show up. The girls had somehow managed to convince Rachel to sit in the back with them. Their fellow glee club member stared openly at them. The ones who hadn't seen it for themselves earlier were now getting a first hand view of the rumors of the sudden friendship between the four. They certainly didn't believe it until they had seen it with their own eyes.

Finn looked slightly pissed at this sudden change, as the rest looked suspicious at what they could be planning. Half wondered what prank was being set up, as the other half wondered if this was a Rachel Berry scheme to steal more solos. Mercedes particularly was sending the diva menacing glares.

Ten minutes of utter silence went by before Schue finally decided to grace them with his presence, clapping his hands together excited to start a new lesson. His mood suddenly changed at the tension in the room.

"What's going on guys?", he asked, cocking his head in confusion as he noticed they were all staring at the four girls in the back. Santana was sitting protectively by Rachel's side, while Quinn and Brittany were on their other sides.

"Nothing Mr. Schue, everyone is just curious about my new friendship with Brittany, Quinn and Santana. But as we have all said numerous times today it is our own business on how it has occurred, the important thing is that it has and we wish to continue to explore our friendship together.", Rachel said in her normal diva fashion, making everyone roll their eyes, three rolling more fondly than the others.

"You make it sound like you are all together or something.", Finn spat out venomously.

"Finn.", Mr. Schue warned half heartily, as it was Rachel's turn to roll her eyes.

"We certainly are not in a relationship Finn,", Rachel stated, missing the longing look in Santana's eyes, which didn't go unnoticed by Finn who glared at the Latina.

"Even if I was in a relationship with any of these wonderful girls it would be my own business and no one else's.", she stated firmly, making Santana grin. Rachel had called her wonderful, well she called all three of them wonderful, but still.

"Can't you see this is some prank they set up? Yesterday they hated your guts, this isn't right and you know it.", Finn spat, bringing up Rachel's biggest fear about all of this. Seeing this infuriated Santana, no one should be putting her through this. Rachel deserved friends and here was this idiot telling her the only way she could have friends was if it was a prank.

"Listen here Finnocennce, we don't gots to explain anything to you or anyone here. We care about Rachel. Just because you messed things up with her doesn't mean she can't be friends with other people. We know we've hurt her, but we're doing our best to make it up to her, and that's more than I see you doing. So turn your freakishly large man child body around and mind your own business.", Finn was about to retaliate but Mr. Schue stopped him, obviously only trying to save his precious golden boy from a smack down, but whatever, he got him to shut up.

"Alright, let's start working on the choreography for the group performance for sectionals. Puck and Tina, you have the lead.", Rachel sighed. She was truly happy for them, especially Tina who barely ever got solos. She felt awful when she had to throw a fit about not being the star in this number a few days earlier. In a way she was glad it didn't work because they both deserved this, but she knew what this meant for her later.

Santana watched Rachel closely, seeing something different in her, almost as if Rachel was having a war within herself about being happy for two leads and wanting to throw a diva tantrum. She was surprised when Rachel didn't bring it up. Santana almost wanted to smile in pride, thinking Rachel was learning to share the spotlight. But what she didn't know was that Rachel was just beginning to give up and accept her fate, that come sectionals she just may as well be dead because her father was going to make her wish she was.

Her bright mood changed as she watched Rachel try to dance with her new found limp. Suddenly remembering this wasn't the only time Rachel had stumbled over the choreography, making her wonder if she had missed something then because Rachel was too much of a perfectionist to mess up without a reason.

During the break Rachel sat down and applied her ice cold water to her ribs when she thought no one was watching her. But Santana was still there, watching Rachel, and her eyebrows furrowed in concern for the other girl.

"Something is really wrong, San. It almost looks like she is in pain.", Brittany said, sneaking up beside her. Santana looked at her best friend with concern and gave her a stiff nod. There was no doubt Santana was now more worried about Rachel than she was before.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 4

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: This is endgame Pezberry which is my otp with heavy Faberrittana friendship as well as other friendships. Hope everyone enjoys this and please review! Please note this chapter is not betaed.

The more Santana gets to know the little diva, the more she finds herself falling for her. Rachel was funny, caring and has the biggest heart she has ever seen. It had been two weeks sense the trio had decided to befriend their resident diva and everyday they keep realizing how wrong they really were about the singer. Santana hated how certain members of the glee club still didn't want to give Rachel a chance.

Mercedes still fought her every time a solo opportunity came up, Mr. Schue still thought she wasn't being enough of a team player, and Finn well he seemed to suddenly want Rachel back. Sure Rachel was never really into him romantically according to Brittany, but he still hurt her. She wasn't just some toy he could toss aside and then decide he wanted to play her again when it was convenient for him. Most of them seemed to be indifferent though not really caring as long as she was there to offer her talent. This actually really pissed Santana off. Rachel deserved real friends and she was still determined to prove to the girl that she had them. This thought brought her back to a conversation with Puck the day after their friendship with Rachel was revealed.

*Flashback*

"Satan we need to talk." Puck said leaning against her locker preventing her from getting to her books.

"What the hell do you want Puck?" she asked sighing she so was not in the mood to deal with the lewd comments and advances. Suggesting that even though she's into girls doesn't mean he can't watch or even join in. Yeah so never happening.

"What the hell are you three playing at with Rachel?" he cut to the chase making Santana raise her eyebrow as he now had her full attention.

"We're not playing at anything. We're really friends with her, I know it seems strange but we are and nothing is going to change that." she answered trying to move him out of the way of her locker but he wouldn't budge.

"I'm serious here San, she's been through enough. She doesn't need you guys messing with her heart anymore." she couldn't believe it, he honestly was trying to protect her. Well she had a few home truths for him.

"We're serious to! You know me better then that Puck, I may be a bitch but I'm not cruel and neither is Q and B certainly isn't. Anyway your standing here acting all protective, but where were you when everyone was putting her threw hell?" Puck looked at her in surprise but he wasn't going to let her win that easily.

"I care about her, we grew up together going to temple and everything. I don't want to see her brake." he argued back his voice wavering slightly.

"You have someway of showing it. You haven't tried to stop anything that this school puts her through. Hell you even joined in a lot of the time." he went to protest but she raised her hand to silence him.

"I know you haven't done anything personally sense joining glee club. But here you are trying to convince me that you care about her when you haven't done one damn thing to help protect her." She wasn't really angry at Puck, well yeah she kind of was. But she was more angry with herself for ever being apart was the torture they put Rachel through.

"Why do you care Santana? Why do you three all the sudden want to jump on the lets be Berry's friend train when only two days ago you all hated her." he asked not able to really argue with what she had just said but still needing to know. He honestly did think of Rachel as a little sister, he just wish he was brave enough to show it more.

He heard her mumble something under her breath, not understanding he leaned in closer and asked her to repeat herself.

"I like her as in the whole liking girls way okay." she hissed out in a whisper , rolling her eyes at his shocked expression.

"You like Berry?" he laughed stopping suddenly when he noticed her glare.

"San she's not even gay." he said gently.

"Apparently Britt thinks she is and for some reason she's been using you boys as a cover up. We all know how perceptive B is when it could to this feeling shit." Puck nodded in agreement Brittany was usually terrifyingly accurate when it came to this sort of stuff.

"Even if she isn't I want to be close to her somehow. I'm tired of hiding behind all the insults and it really hurts to see those pained fake smile especially when I know I've caused it. We've also started to notice something really being off with her, we don't know what yet but we're starting to get really worried." She explained leaning up against the locker next to her's with a sigh.

"I've noticed some stuff as well, to anyone who doesn't really pay attention to the real Rachel which is like almost every asshole in this school she's the same old annoying diva, but for us who look closer she seems wicked withdrawn or something." he said Santana nodding in agreement.

"Listen San I know you went through a lot coming out, especially with the way your abuela reacted. But I have your back and if Britt says Rach is gay then she probably is, it actually kind of makes sense, explains why I could never get past first base." that earned him a hard slapped from the Latina her eyes narrowing at the thought of Rachel being with anyone else creating a stabbing pain in her chest that she couldn't explain.

"Easy tiger." he said rubbing his now stinging arm. "What I'm trying to say is I got your back on this. I wouldn't be a good lesbro if I didn't help you get the girl, because let's face it Brittany is never wrong about this sort of stuff." Santana blushed and nodded, he laughed before he slapped her on the back and walked away. Santana just had to keep reminding herself having someone else on Rachel's side was worth going through all the embarrassment.

*Flashback End*

She was brought back to the present by Rachel entering the choir room for lunch. They had become accustom to eating in there and Santana had come accustom to bringing or buying two lunches. Rachel rarely had a lunch with her, which almost lead her to suspect she was either anorexic or bulimic. But Rachel always accepted after Santana assured her she wasn't putting her out and always went straight to her class she had with Brittany right after, never making a detour to the bathroom. So she put that thought behind her and tried to deny it whenever Rachel tried to pay her back knowing the money was coming from when the girl would go busking on some weekends but Rachel would only force the money in her hand and walk away.

"Hey Rae-Rae," she greeted as Rachel smiled at the nickname. Santana had tried calling her Rae once but the glare she got from Brittany was enough to make her never try again. So she took to a different form of the little nickname which made both Rachel and Brittany happy.

"Hello Santana it seems we are both early today." she said sitting down next to her accepting the packed veggie sandwich the darker girl handed her without question.

"Yeah, Q and B went to the cafe to get their lunches. So for now it's just you and me." she smirked moving closer to her so that the knees brushed up against on another. When pressed up against her thigh a little she noticed the smaller girl wince. She stilled instantly raising a concerned eyebrow as Rachel tensed up.

"Are you okay?" she asked tentatively hoping that if she was careful she might be able to get something out of the diva this time.

"Yeah I'm fine." she said closing herself off quickly while moving away from the Latina.

"Rach, you just winced when I barely touched you. If you're hurt you should tell me and then we can go to the nurse or something." she tried concern washing over her features.

"No!" Rachel rushed out backing away even more. "No nurse I'm fine San, it's nothing." Santana looked into the beautiful brown eyes and saw nothing but pain.

"Rae-Rae please we don't have to go to the nurse but please just let me see. I promise I won't make you do anything your uncomfortable with." she pleaded moving closer to the small diva taking her gently by the shoulders and staring down at her with desperate eyes just hoping she could convey how much she cared about her in that one gaze. She did a tiny cheer in her head when Rachel nodded reluctantly while whispering "Not here."

Santana guided her gently through the corridors and into the nearest bathroom. She got rid of the few people in there with her HBIC look rather quickly before locking the door and turning back to Rachel.

The smaller girl took in a deep breath before lifting her the hem of her skirt up just enough to reveal a nasty looking bruised that had and equally nasty looking cut in the middle of the bruise. Santana gasped when she saw it and felt tears well up in here eyes, but she pushed them back. Upon closer inspection she realized the cut was red and angry looking. She held her hand carefully over it and felt the mild heat radiating from it.

"Damn it Rachel, its infected! How the hell did this happen?" she yelled out of concern making Rachel jump back from the suddenly angry Latina.

"I... I fell. Yeah I fell down the stairs on... on a nail." she to cover up closing her eyes begging for the Latina to just accept her story and let it go.

"Bullshit Rachel stop lying to me. How the hell did that really happen?" she screamed in frustration and blind rage at the though of anyone laying a hand on this beautiful girl.

"I'm not lying." she countered weakly, her voice thick with fear. This made Santana snap out of her blind furry. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself before slowly approaching the trembling diva, who tried to back away only to be stopped by the wall.

"Yes you are, that bruise is hand shaped." she said in a more gentle tone, while smoothing the soft brown hair from the diva's face.

"Please just tell me who did this and I'll make sure it never happens again." she said with conviction. She was going to murder who ever was doing this to this wonderful sweet girl who never intentionally hurt anyone. Rachel looked down unable to look into the Latina's eyes and not brake down. Santana lifted the diva's china with one finger before gently cupping her cheek and look into her eyes with the most loving gaze Rachel had ever seen.

"Please," she whispered and that was all it took for the small girl to brake down and fall into the Latina's strong tan arms. She clutched the material of the cherrio's uniform for dear life as she let year of pain and heartache out for the first time.

Santana held the girl tightly but gently in her arms. Running her fingers through the brunets hair soothingly.

"Shh estrella, it's okay I have you. Just let it out, I'm right here. I promise I'm not leaving you." she whispered sweetly into the singers ear.

After about ten minutes of Santana hold her and whispering soothing words, Rachel's sobs finally died down. They parted slightly Santana holding the girls waist to keep her close. The diva noticed the wet spot she had left behind on the cherrio's top and sent the cheerleader an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry about your top." she said her voice hoarse from crying.

"It's fine sweetheart, I have another on in my locker. Let's not worry about that." she smiled as Rachel blushed at the term of endearment. Rachel looked up and asked about the other nickname Santana had called her by.

"What does estrella mean?" Santana smiled.

"It means star." Rachel frowned and looked down at her feet.

"I'm not a star." she whispered making Santana's heart break.

"Rachel look at me." the diva did as she was told and gazed up at the slightly older girl.

"You are a star. Don't let anyone ever tell you other wise. As far as I'm concerned your the brightest star to ever grace this planet. Do you understand me estrella?" Rachel nodded a single tear escaping down her cheek which Santana gently wiped away.

"Now can you please tell me how this really happened." she felt Rachel tense in her arms again.

"I can't... please San don't make me." she begged on the very edge of another brake down. Santana quickly scooped her in her arms again and rubbed gentle circle's on the girls small back.

"Okay, shh sweetheart it's fine. You don't have to tell me right now. Let's just take care of that infected cut okay." Rachel nodded frowning when the warmth of Santana's body left hers to find the small first aide kit that Sue forced all her cherrio's to carry around with them from her backpack.

As gently and as quickly as she could she set to work on the infected cut. Rachel hissed at the sing of the antiseptic on the sore cut and bruise. Santana blew on the cut carefully hoping to take some of the sting away before continuing her work. Once it was all bandaged Santana allowed Rachel to smooth out her skirt and took her hand in her own. Taking a second to marvel at how the small hand fit perfectly in her own, and wondering briefly how they could ever have come up with a name like manhands for her.

"Alright Rach, I'm going to have to check that everyday until the infection is gone." Rachel went to protest but Santana held up her hand effectively silencing her.

"No buts Rae-Rae this is serious. If that infection get worse we'll have no choice but to go to the nurse." the smaller girl tried to protest again, but Santana shook her head.

"If that gets worse Rach it won't be pretty, you're lucky I'm not making you go to the nurse now. Just please humor me, we most likely won't have to anyway." Santana stood there and waited until Rachel finally nodded her consent.

"I know you don't want to tell me or your afraid to. But just know I'm here for you no matter what. If you need me you call me I don't care what time of night it is you call me and I will answer. You're not alone Rae-Rae." the diva nodded tears filling her eyes of the sweet words that the Latina had just said to her. She couldn't believe she was this lucky. She honestly didn't think she deserved any of this. But she had it and she couldn't understand why.

The two unlikely friends walked out of the bathroom hand and hand making there way back to the choir room to finish their lunch. When they got there they found a very confused and concerned looking Quinn and Brittany. Santana shook her heads at them and they nodded in understand to not bring it up. They talked and ate for the little time the had remaining to their lunch period. Rachel looked around at her three unlikely friends, catching Santana's loving gaze she smiled. Yeah she definitely didn't know how she got this lucky.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 5

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Just a little background that I forgot to add they are in their senior year and Santana came out junior year. Rachel and Kurt also have a tentative friendship because Rachel is to scared to let him in so they did bond while he was at Dalton just not as much, I also fixed the math mistake I made in the first chapter Leroy died when Rachel was in the seventh grade not the sixth! Please note this chapter is not betaed.

"You fucking little bitch. You're nothing but a useless piece of shit." Hiram Berry screamed at the defenseless formed curled up on the floor, as he kicked her over and over.

"I told you to be a star and you do the fucking opposite." he yelled pulling Rachel up roughly by her hair.

"I'm singing a duet though." she weakly tried to reason but all that earned her was another punch to her already bruised stomach, making her bit her back a scream of pain as she clutched her stomach and fell to the floor once again. He knelt down in front of her and roughly grabbed her chin so that she was forced to look at him.

"A duet is not satisfactory." he sneered in a way that sent a shiver of fear through the girls entire body.

"Sectional's is tomorrow, you're lucky I'm letting you go. Now get out of my sight." and just like that he left the room to find another beer.

Rachel wasted not in dragging her body upstairs to her bedroom, her safe haven. Hiram wouldn't even step foot inside her room. If he wanted her all he would have to do is call for her, because she knew if she didn't come straight away her beating would only be worse the next time.

She fell onto her bed and finally let the tears she was holding back brake free. It hurt and she prayed she would be able to move tomorrow because if she didn't perform not only would her father be furious, but she would let her team down. She would let Santana down.

She tried hard to push the romantic feeling she had for Santana away. She knew it was dangerous to even be friends with her. But all she could think about right now was how she wished Santana was here to hold her and help her forget all the pain.

Her cellphone suddenly lit up as it vibrated on her nightstand. She smiled at the name that flashed on the caller ID.

"Hi San," she sniffed out a greeting trying to keep her voice from wavering.

"Hey Rae-Rae. What's wrong?" Santana asked immediately sensing something off with the little diva on the other end of the phone.

"Nothing's wrong, what makes you think anything is wrong?" she tried to cover but felt a fresh batch of tears well up in her eyes as she tried her hardest to keep them at bay, but her voice cracked as she spoke giving her away.

"Estrella you're crying, I can tell. Please just tell me what's wrong."

"Please don't call me that, I told you I'm no star." she stated dejectedly, her throbbing muscles reminding her just how much she would have disappointed her daddy if he were still alive.

"And I told you, you are." she answered with conviction before sighing.

"Is this about only having a duet at sectionals tomorrow?" she loved Rachel but this I'm the only one with talent routine was getting old.

"You wouldn't understand Santana." she replied her tears drying, her mask firmly going back into place. She couldn't slip with this not matter how much it killed her to act this way, especially with Santana.

"Oh I understand perfectly. You think you're the only one who can lead this team. Well you're wrong Berry, I'm going to rock that solo tomorrow." Rachel flinched as the old Santana came back. She bit her lip to keep from crying again.

"That is not what I am implying at all Santana. The simple fact is that I have more training than the rest of the club, and I believe my talent has a much better chance at getting us to nationals because of that."

Santana knew Rachel ranted when she was nervous and there was something more behind what she was saying. But she didn't pick up on that right now. All she heard was the girl she loved insulting her. Being hurt always brought out bitch Santana, the Santana that didn't think before she acted.

"You're unbelievable Berry. We all work hard in that club and we all deserve to shine just as much as you do. Stop being so damn selfish, then maybe people will actually start liking you." silence fell between the two.

Rachel's heart felt as if it was being ripped out of her chest, finally she let out a pained sob that she couldn't hold back anymore. Santana's breath stilled and she closed her eyes tightly as her words caught up with her.

"Rach I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that." she rushed out hoping the girl would believe her. But all she was met with was silence on the other end.

"Rach?" she called into the speaker of the phone. "Rae-Rae you still there? Please I'm sorry nothing I said is true, I swear." more silence, it felt like forever before Rachel spoke.

"No you're right Santana," she said in a small voice.

"I'm selfish... I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow." she said weakly her voice sounded so broken that Santana felt her heart brake and wanted to punch herself for being the cause of it. Something she swore she would never be again.

"No Rach wait..." before she could get another word out she heard the familiar sound of the dial tone letting her know Rachel had hung up.

She threw her phone to the end of her bed before curling up and crying. Sure Rachel was being a diva but she knew that was who she was and it was partly because she was insecure. Nothing Rachel had said warranted what Santana had said. She just prayed she would be able to fix this tomorrow.

Rachel lingered at the door of the school bus that was going to take them to sectionals. Her ribs were killing her, she was pretty sure more then one of them were bruised. She had tapped them up the best she could but she knew singing and dancing was still going to be very difficult. She also couldn't stop thinking about her conversation with Santana last night. The Latina was right she was selfish, it was her selfishness that killed her father and now she had to do everything she could to make that up to him. But that also meant she had to continue being selfish even when she knew she was hurting people. But this was her punishment, she was nothing but a selfish bitch and that's all she was ever going to be. She wasn't allowed to have friends and be happy she didn't deserve it.

"Rachel?" she looked up at the sound of her name being called to find Mr. Schue standing on the steps of the steps of the bus giving her a annoyed look with a little mixture of concern.

"Yes Mr. Schue?" she asked, quickly putting on her usual show face.

"We're about to head off, would you like to join us?" yeah there was definitely annoyance in his voice, any concern he had going right out the window the minute he saw that show face.

"Of course I'm very sorry Mr. Schue, I simply got lost in thought." she answered moving to walk past the teacher but was stopped when he grabbed her arm. She froze her breathing stilled as for a second she could only feel her father rough hands stopping her to drag her off for a beating. The familiar sound of her teachers voice brought her back to reality.

"I know this is difficult for you. Sharing the spotlight but please just be happy for your teammates and don't cause a scene." Rachel gave him a tight smile not missing that he had said teammates instead of friends, when if it was anyone else on the team he was talking to besides her he would have use the other term.

"I wouldn't even dream of messing this up for us Mr. Schue. I am very happy for my teammates." Rachel answered truthfully moving past the spanish teacher and into the bus where the rest of the New Directions were waiting.

She looked around and weighed her options. Brittany was sitting with her boyfriend Artie, Quinn and Puck in the seat in front of them. Kurt and Blaine were together with Sam and Mercedes in front of the them looking back at the couple, Sam listening to the three talk animatedly, throwing not so hidden smiles at Mercedes when he thought no one was looking. Mike and Tina were snuggled close in the middle of the bus, she couldn't help but smile at the pair. That left Santana and Finn.

Finn was sitting close to where Sam was, talking to him every once in a while. He looked up and noticed Rachel, smiling he patted the empty seat next to him. She heard an unmistakable growl coming from closer to the back of the bus, she looked over to notice it had come from Santana who was sitting across from Puck and Quinn. She raised an eyebrow at her and the Latina motioned for her to come sit next to her. Yesterday afternoon Rachel wouldn't have even thought twice but today she knew she just didn't deserve the amazing girls friendship or anyone's friendship. So she ignored Finn's puppy dog eyes and goofy grin and Santana pleading smile, going to sit in an empty seat by herself ignoring everyone around her by putting in her headphones but not before hearing.

"Typical Diva," coming from Mercedes. She popped in the ear buds and maneuvered herself so that no one could tell that she was crying.

"What the hell is up with Berry?" Quinn asked, still haven't made the adjustment to the girls first name.

"Rachel her name is Rachel, Quinn. I know you care about her so stop with the last name!" Santana snapped, more angry with herself then at her blonde friend.

"Okay chill! What the hell is up with Rachel?" the head cheerleader restated her question, her eyes brimming with worry.

"How the fuck should I know, she's the one totally ignoring us." Santana countered folding her arms across her chest and stretching out on the bus seat as they started moving.

"Ooh bitch Santana, so you're either hurt, insecure, or guilty. Spill it Lopez." the hazel eyed girl demanded knowing her best friend way to well. By now they had both Puck and Brittany's interest as well as Artie's who had started to see a new side to Rachel as well sense she started hanging around with the trio. Santana tried to look away but couldn't take all the staring. Seeing the pout on Brittany is what finally made her crack.

"Fine I screwed up okay. Rachel went a little diva last night on the phone and I said some really mean shit to her that I didn't mean because I felt insulted." she admitted.

"What kind of shit did you say?" Puck asked warily knowing how bad Santana could get when she felt like that, she always hit right where it hurt the most.

"I may have said, if she stopped being so selfish then maybe people with actually like her." she answered quietly earning a collective grown from the entire group.

"San you know that Rae is having a really hard time believing we like her. Why would you say something like that?" Brittany asked her amazing innocence showing in her voice making them all want to smile just a little.

"She was being the diva she always is." she tried to defend herself. "Saying that she's happy for all of us getting to be in the spotlight and all but she still thinks she's the better choice. I mean how the hell was I suppose to react to that."

"That's the way Rachel is and you know it. She's getting better she hasn't said anything about it for quite a while she was bound to slip up at some point she can't just change overnight." Quinn stated surprising everyone even herself only a month ago she would tear the little diva apart the minute she opened her mouth to state how she was much more talented then all of them. But now having spent time with her she knew there was more to it then what met the eye, Rachel seemed to be hiding behind her talent to cover her insecurities or at least that's what she thought.

"But being a bitch is the way I am. I'm allowed to slip up to once in a while, why can't she forgive me for that, I apologized the minute I said it. Why is now so different from any other time?" she asked sadly, she really couldn't bear the thought of Rachel being angry with her, they had come such a long way in such a short time and now it seemed to be all falling apart so quickly.

"I don't think she's mad at you as much as she mad with herself." Artie spoke up making everyone turn to him in surprise most forgetting that he was there.

"Tron say what?" Santana asked in a voice that told him she was not in the mood. She had no problem with Artie anymore she accepted her best friend was happy him now. As long as he treated Britt right then they had no problems. But he better have a good reason for putting himself in this conversation.

"I mean Rachel is the most forgiving person I know," they all nodded, Santana giving him a look telling him to continue. "Except when it comes to forgiving herself."

They all looked at him dumbfound, their expressions clearly asking. What the hell is that suppose to mean?

"What I'm trying to say is that every time Rachel has messed up she beats herself up over it. She act all self confident but those of us who have taken a closer look can see that really not the case. So when you told her that no one likes her because she's selfish she most likely thinks she deserved it and now probably believes she doesn't deserve your friendship either." Artie stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, all of them staring at him with open mouths. After a few minutes the shock finally wore off.

"Damn how the hell could I have missed that. I need to speak with Rach." she stated quickly getting up but before she did she stop and looked at Artie. "Thanks wheels, your actually pretty awesome." he gave her a thankful smile and Brittany kissed him of his cheek. The tall blonde actually couldn't believe she missed this herself but she was so thankful to her boyfriend for pointing it out to them.

Santana tentatively sat next to the diva who was staring mindlessly out the window, Barbra Streisand blaring from the headphones the girl was currently wearing. Santana was surprised because just last week Rachel berated her for listening to her Ipod to loud, stating she would damage her hearing. Santana laughed quietly at the memory before tapping the girls shoulder, making her jump and look her way.

"Santana, you scared me!" she said pulling out her earphones. Santana could tell just by looking at her that she had been crying. Rachel was an expert at hiding that but she couldn't hide it with Santana.

"I'm sorry I just really wanted to talk to you," she said nervously as Rachel just stared at her and waited for her to begin.

"I'm really sorry for last night Rae-Rae, I shouldn't have said any of it because its not true." she said looking deep into the girls pain filled eyes.

"No I'm sorry I was acting like a diva, like I always do. You had every right to retaliate." the diva replied trying to hold back her tears.

"You were acting like a diva," Santana started making Rachel look away from her the tears breaking through. She couldn't hear this from Santana she needed it to be a clean break. She couldn't take hearing it from the girl how much she didn't want to be friends with her. How she would never want to be more with her.

"Stop let me finish," she said turning Rachel back to her and wiping away the tears tenderly. "You were acting like a diva, but that's who you are. You're trying so hard to let us in and share the spotlight I should have never let one slip up get between us, and I should have never said those lies to you. You are amazing Rach and you deserve to be happy and have friends." The Latina said without any hesitation. Rachel's mouth dropped open a little.

"I'm not who you think I am San. I've done terrible things." she said weakly

"We all have sweetheart. It doesn't make me love you any less." Rachel's eyes widened at the word love. The bus stopped in front of the school and Mr. Schue announced that they were here. Santana smiled at her.

"We cool?" she asked, only getting a dumbfounded nod in return before she took her hand and walked out with her behind the rest of the club. Rachel stopped in her tracks when she saw her father in the lobby glaring at her and the joined hands of her and Santana's. He put that smile on his face that made everyone trust him as he approached Mr. Schue.

"Mr. Schue, hi I'm Hiram Berry, Rachel's father." he greeted holding out his hand which the teacher happily took.

"So nice to meet you Mr. Berry. Rachel is an amazing student and performer." he said with a smile and Hiram grinned.

"That I know. I was wondering if I could steal Rachel for a few minutes I just need to talk to her about something." Santana felt Rachel stiffen and threw her a concerned glance.

"Of course Mr. Berry, I'm just going to sign us in anyway." Hiram took Rachel's hand and dragged her a little to roughly in Santana opinion. She stole a glance at Quinn and Brittany who both nodded telling her to go follow. She hid behind the wall placing herself so that she could easily see and hear Rachel and her father in the secluded corner but they couldn't see her.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded in a whisper making both Rachel and Santana flinch at the harsh tone.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Rachel said to protest weakly knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"Do not play stupid with me little girl. I told you could date as long as it's a boy and it was nothing serious to keep up appearance nothing more." he sneered.

"Santana is only my friend, nothing more I swear." she tried to defend herself he laughed evilly.

"What have I told you about lying to me, you want that little slut." Santana couldn't believe what she was hearing. She felt a pain in her heart hoping Rachel didn't think the same of her.

"Don't call her that." The Latina's heart swelled with pride as she defended her.

"Do not talk back to me unless you want to make it worse for yourself tonight. I will not let you turn us into a stereotype. Anyway that girl will only ever want you for one thing, because that is all you are good for."

Santana couldn't take hearing this any longer as she walked back to the group. She had no idea what to do. Should she tell Mr. Schue? Should she try to talk to Rachel about it? Was she just misreading what she heard? she just wasn't sure. Before she could figure anything out Rachel was back keeping her distance from her as they were ushered into there dressing rooms.

Between getting ready and last minute vocal warm up she had no chance to speak with Rachel or her two concerned blonde friends. They performed and did amazing though Santana noticed how hard it seemed for Rachel to move around while dancing. She noticed while Rachel sang a tiny wince could be seen on her features and she seemed to be holding her stomach a lot more then usual. When they were announced the winners everyone cheered, she went to hug Rachel but she quickly turned into Puck hugging him instead.

As they made their way to the parking lot some of the team deciding to go home with their parents instead of taking the bus back. She caught up with Rachel who was slowly following her father to their car.

"Rach, wait!" she called stopping the girl by taking her arm laying a gentle hand on her arm. "Stay at my house tonight." she rushed out not liking the way Hiram was glaring at them from the car. "Please."

"I'm sorry San I can't." she whispered back and Santana hated the pain she saw in her eyes.

"Please Rach, just come with me, please." she pleaded desperately fearing what would happen if she let the small girl go.

"Rachel let's go." she heard Hiram call, the tone in his voice scaring Santana.

"I'll call you tonight," she said trying to reassure the obviously frightened girl.

"Promise!"

"I promise," Santana let her go giving her a kiss on the cheek, not missing the fury in Hiram's eyes when she did so.

She got on the bus sitting next to Quinn watching as the Berry's car left. She tried to calm herself by telling herself she misunderstood and that Rachel's other father would protect her if anything. Around two am Santana laid awake waiting for Rachel to call nervously when her phone went off. She grabbed it quickly and answered it, the voice on the other end making your heart stop in terror.

"Tana... I need you." then the line went dead.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 6

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

Emeloo2: awe thank you I had a wonderful Christmas, hope you had a wonderful as well!

A/N: First off please don't kill me, I'm sorry I left you guys hanging but it had to be done. I am also overwhelmed by all the reviews thank you guys so much your all the best! Please note this chapter is not betaed for some reason I can not get a hold of my beta so please bear with me until I figure out what going on.

Santana bolted out of her bed like lightning, grabbing her keys before rushing up the stairs of her bedroom basement for once not caring about getting caught sneaking out at two in the morning. Unlucky for her its the one time her mother decided to be up at this hour.

"Santana Alejandra, where do you think you're going?" she froze at her mothers voice, no she had to go Rachel needed her.

"Mami I swear I'm not trying to sneak out," Maria Lopez raised an eyebrow.

"Okay maybe I am, but I have a really good reason." she rushed out hoping her mother would just let her go, precious time was wasting and she had no idea what was wrong with the little diva.

"Rachel called..." she started but was cut off by the older woman.

"Rachel? Rachel Berry? Isn't that the girl you have been talking about none stop? You're going to meet her?" Maria questioned.

"No, I mean yeah she is and I am. But she called me and she sounded real upset and then the line went dead. I'm afraid she might be hurt, that her father might have hurt her." she rushed out hysterically. She knew she should have said something when she overheard that conversation.

"What do you mean her father might have hurt her?" she asked now concerned, knowing her daughter wouldn't make something like this up just to get out of the house.

"Look I'll explain later, just please let me go to her. She needs me." the young girl pleaded desperatly throwing glances at the garage door.

"Fine, but you are not going alone. You're bringing your brother." Maria stated in such a way that left no room for an arguement, before disappearing upstairs and coming back quickly with Santana grogging twenty-one year old brother Julio Lopez, who was home for the weekend from college.

"Depending on what's wrong you come straight home, or straight to the hospital your father is working in the ER tonight. If anything bad happens call the police straight away." Santana tensed at the word hosptial, please just please let it not be that serious.

Just like that she and Julio were out the door and in Santana's car heading towards the Berry's. It only took about ten minutes to make it to the large suburian home, knowing someone was watching over them because they did not hit one stoplight along the way. The house was dark and there was no cars in the driveway.

Santana and Julio went up to the front door cautiously finding it ajar slightly. Santana felt her stomach drop, what if someone had broken in? What if they were still hurting Rachel? Julio lifted his finger to his lips telling her to stay quiet then motioning her to stay behind him, as they slowly entered the house. Julio stepped on something with his steel toed boots, kneeling down he picked up a piece of broken glass showing it to his sister. Santana's eyes widened at the red coloring on the glass. 'Please just don't let that be her blood.' she thought to herself, noticing her brother decided to keep the glass as a weapon if needed.

They paused when they heard a moan of pain, Julio gave her a nod to turn on the light. When she had the sight she was met with would haunt her dreams for the rest of her life. Laying there on the floor broken and bloody was none of then Rachel Berry.

"Oh my god Rachel!" Santana yelled not even thinking that the person who did this could still be in the house. She only cared about getting to Rachel and taking care oh her.

She dropped to the broken girls side and gently moved a piece of matted bloody hair out of the girls ashened face afraid to touch her anywhere else. She took in the damage done to the girl. Numerous cut and bruises where all over the diva's body, Santana felt her breath hitch when she noticed some of the bruises where old. There was a nasty gash on the side of the girls head. Her clothes were torn her tiny body was barely covered by the now rags. Without a second thought Santana whiped her jacket off and covered the small form.

"Rae-Rae sweetie, can you hear me?" she asked recieving a groan in response, pained brown eyes opening to look at her fearfully.

"Tana?" she asked weakly, not competely believing that she had actually come for her.

"Yeah sweetheart its me. We're going to get you out of here and to the hospital, my dad will fix you up in no time." she explained sweetly gently stroking the girls cheek carefully.

"No hospital, he'll kill me." the smaller girls said starting to panic.

"Shh, shh baby girl I won't let anyone hurt you ever again, I promise. We'll keep you safe but we have to go to the hospital to make you better okay?" she asked recieving a pained nod in response.

"I checked the whole house it seems whoever did this left." Julio said kneeling next to them, Santana hadn't even noticed he was gone. Rachel jumped at the sound of the unfamiliar voice and tried to back away with a pathetic whimper. Santana caught her keeping her still so that she wouldn't hurt herself further.

"Hey it's okay estrellla, that's just my brother Julio. He came to help, he won't hurt you I promise." she reassured Rachel calming considerably at her touch.

"Should we call an ambulance?" Santana questioned her brother, looking to the older boy for some guidance. They may not always get along and she would never admit this out loud but she looked up to him immensely.

"No whoever did this might come back before they get here. I think it would just be safer to take her ourselves. But she has to let me carry her out, there's no way she can walk out on her own." he explained quietly so that Rachel wouldn't hear them.

"I'll carry her out, she weighs like three pounds I can carry her." she tried to argue knowing Rachel would be less scared with her.

"She has a head injury San, I need you to stabilize her head while we get her out of here." Julio knew Santana knew this. Being the children of a very successful doctor, you learn these things. She also knew it was a better idea to have Julio carry her out because he was stronger, it was less likely he would jostle her around then she would. Santana nodded understand turning her attention back to Rachel.

"Rach, we're going to move you to the car now and get you to the hospital. Julio is going to pick you up and I'm going to hold your head to make sure you don't injure yourself anymore okay?" Rachel's body began to shake with fear.

"Please Tana, please don't make me do this." Both Lopez's felt their hearts break even more. But Santana kept herself strong, remembering Rachel had asked her that once before and she let it go. She couldn't let this go.

"It's going to be alright, I'll be right here with you the whole time baby girl." despite the pain Rachel felt her heart swelled at the new nickname, giving in her nodded her consent.

Julio bent over Rachel body and carefully hooked his arms under her legs and around her shoulders easily picking the petite girl up as she gave a cry of pain. Santana holding her head steady the whole way.

"You're doing great Rachel, just hang in there." Julio reassure the girl as the carefully and quickly moved out of the house and towards the care. It was awkward trying to move while hold the girls head but the managed to get her into the back of Santana's car. The Latina handing her brother her keys before climbing into the backseat with Rachel, cradling her body carefully against hers, as they took off towards the hospital.

Julio pulled out his cellphone and dialed her home number to let their mother know what was going on. While Santana continued to try to keep Rachel calm.

"It hurts Tana," she whimpered clutching the cheerleaders sleep shirt.

"Shh I know sweetie, it's going to be okay." she tried to reassure genlty rubbing her fingers up and down a bruised arm.

"Please make it stop," she pleaded, she never felt pain like this before. She looked up at her savior with desperate eyes and Santana had to chock back a sob.

"Once we get to the hospital they'll help make it stop, you just have to just have to hang on til then." she chocked out threw the lump in her throat. Wishing she could just switch places with her so she didn't have to go through any of this.

"Mom's calling the hospital to let them know we're coming in. Someone will probably meet us out front." Julio informed his sister once he had hung up the phone, looking in the rear view mirror to check on the girls noticing Rachel's eyes drooping.

"Keep her awake San." he said bringing his sisters attention back to the tiny diva.

"Don't fall asleep Rach." she said gently shaking the girl from the slumber she was slowly falling into.

"Sleepy," she murmured curling herself further into the tanned body. Santana smiled at the shear cuteness of the action but quickly turned serious again.

"I know you are honey, but you need to stay with me here. Come on baby girl talk to me, tell me about that amazing show you were telling me about the other day." she prompted she knew all about the show that she was asking her to talk about. Rachel talked about it all the time but she knew this would keep the diva's attention.

"Wicked," Rachel perked up and Santana did a little cheer in her head as she continued to babble about it until they finally reached the hospital Emergency Room doors.

As suspected a team was waiting for them, Santana was so thankful when she noticed her father was going to be the doctor working on Rachel. Julio went to park the car as Santana followed the team into the ER. One of the nurses she had known sense she was a little girl stopping her from going any further.

"You need to stay out here honey, your father is going to take good care of her." she reassured guiding the distraught teen to the waiting room. "We'll let you know as soon as we can." and with the the nurse left. Julio was back within a few minutes and took his crying sister in his arms. Not to long after their mother with her little brother trailing behind her showed up taking up the other side of her daughter as they all tried to comfort her.

It seemed like forever that they were waiting for news on Rachel. Santana had stopped crying and was now pacing nervously Maria and Julio sitting patiently knowing she needed to do this. Her twelve year old brother Antonio usually called Tony fidgeted in his seat not completely understanding why he was here. All his mother told him was that they had to go to the hospital because one of Santana's friends were really hurt and had no one else to be with her. A nurse came out to inform them that they were taking Rachel up to surgery but said nothing more. Finally about after two hours Santana Father Armando Lopez came to speak with them.

Santana was by her father side in a flash, Maria joining them a little more slowly telling Julio to stay with Tony.

"Is to okay? Did she tell you anything? Can I see her?" she started throwing out questions like rapid fire, her father taking her shoulders to silence her.

"She's very hurt Santana but she's going to fine physically. She has eight cracked ribs, a server concussion multiple bruises cut and lacerations. Her left arm is broken in two places and she has some internal bleeding but we we're able to stop it with surgery. She needs to stay here for about a week." Santana held back the sobs that wanted to break free feeling her mothers comforting hand taking her own. She knew her father was holding back something.

"What aren't you telling me papi?" she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answered but she needed to.

"It seems as though someone has been hurting Rachel for a long time, I found a lot of old scaring and fading bruises as well." honestly Santana wasn't surprised she should have noticed this sooner. "Also," her head snapped up as he continued. "some one burned the word selfish between her shoulder blades with what looked to be a cigarette bud."

That was the breaking point as Santana let the sobs rack her body, Maria took her daughter into her arms and tried her best to sooth her. After about five minutes she composed herself and a look of furry had returned to her eyes.

"I think it was her father Hiram, I overheard a conversation between them and he was saying awful things to her, and I saw a bruise that she told me was nothing. I didn't believe her but she asked me to let it go and I did because she was so upset. Oh god I should have said something." she rushed up tears streaming down her face once again.

"This isn't your fault Santana and I believe it's her father as well she mumbled that her father was going to kill her before she went to sleep for the surgery. I swear to you mija he won't get away with this Rachel is going to be safe." he tried to comfort his young teenage daughter, hating how he had to watch her go threw this pain. He wanted to nothing more then find Hiram Berry and kill him for what he has done to this innocent child.

"But why didn't her other father do anything? Why didn't he stop it?" she demanded wanting to know how he could just sit back and let his beautiful daughter be beaten half to death. Maria and Armando gave each other hesitant looks.

"Sweetheart, Leroy Berry died five years ago from a heart attack I pronounced him myself." her father told her gently, shocking Santana as her head snapped up and her eyes widened.

"But she's always going on about her two dads, she never said that one of them died."

"It doesn't surprise me, she was heart broken. She just wanted to keep it to herself. From what I know only the necessary teachers were told and the funeral was very small." Santana couldn't believe it, but now that she thought about it, it made sense. How could she have been so blind? How could they call have been so blind.

"Can I see her, please?" she asked with desperation, she needed to see her. She couldn't go home without seeing her.

"Sure, but only for a few minutes. Then you need to go home with your mother." she went to protest but she stopped when she saw the look in her fathers eyes. It was the look she never argued with.

He led her to a painfully white hospital room, another sob almost racked her body when she saw the tiny body in the huge hospital bed. She was bandaged and hooked up to all kinds of IVs and machines. She slowly made her way to her bedside taking a long look at her before leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on top of the girls head.

"I'm so sorry Rae-Rae," and that was all she said as she look her hand in her own and held it as she sat there in silence.

Armando Lopez watched his daughter and saw a tenderness that he never seen her show with anyone. His heart broke for his baby knowing how much pain she must be in, seeing the girl she was quickly falling in love with so broken. After a few minutes he entered and quietly walked over to her before whispering.

"Come on San, you can come back tomorrow I promise." he led to the door of the room but before leaving Santana turn back to have one last look at the sleeping diva.

"I'll be back baby girl, I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 7

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

Important A/N: Alright so I have been informed that my beta can no longer beta my story, so I am currently looking for a new beta. I will continue posting as normal but please note I am dyslexic I do proofread but it's kind of hard to catch everything but I am doing my best. Also I am back in school which means I have no idea how much time I will have to write. I do have a two hour wait between classes so I will probably use that time sense I'm a photo major and I can't really do projects during that time anyway.

Rachel groaned, all she could feel was pain. She tried opening her eyes but a blinding light hit her and she immediately closed them again. She tried again this time slower, finally succeeding after blinking a few times. She looked around realizing rather quickly that she was in a hospital. Panic rose within her as the events of last night caught up with her. Only one thought and goal was on her mind now, get out of this hospital before her dad figures out she gone. She jumped out of the bed, her legs almost giving out the minute her feet touched the floor. The chords attached to her chest ripping off sending the machine into distress as it no longer monitored a heartbeat. Before she could even take one shaky step the door burst open and a team of nurses and a doctor where stampeding into the room to find the distraught teen looking wildly around the room, searching for anyway to escape.

"Rachel, it's okay. You're safe here," the doctor who looked vaguely familiar to the diva spoke, slowly approaching her. Her breathing became faster as he moved closer.

"She needs to get back into bed, just sedate her already." a grouchy young nurse said earning her an elbow from one of the other nurses in the room. She huffed and left deeming this situation a none emergency and no longer required her presence. The other nurses rolled their eyes, that young nurse was going to burn out quickly if she didn't learn some compassion.

"Rachel I'm Dr. Lopez. Santana's father." Rachel perked up immediately at the mention of the fierce Latina's name. "I've seen you at the show choir competitions and Santana talks about you all the time." he said gently trying to calm her down, so they wouldn't have to sedate her. This girl has been through enough they didn't need to take more of her control away.

"Where... where is Santana? Is she okay?" she asked her voice hoarse and scratchy, but the concern for his daughter could be heard immensely. He smiled warmly at her.

"She's fine, I sent her home to get some sleep. She didn't want to leave but she will be back later. She's very worried about you, you gave us quite the scare last night."

"I don't want to talk about that." she said defensively terrified that somehow her father would hear her.

"You don't have to, why don't you just get back into bed and let us take care of you." he suggested. Rachel shook her head grabbing at her side painfully.

"No, I can't. I need to go before.." she chocked out afraid to even utter the words.

"No one is going to hurt you. If you stay here you will be safe." Rachel eyed him suspiciously. He was Santana father, she could trust him right?

"You know Santana will be very worried if she shows up and you're not in that bed." he tried and mentally cheered when he saw the girls resolve physically dissolve.

She nodded as one of the older nurses carefully approached her, giving her a warm smile before helping her back into bed and reattaching the heart monitor to the girls chest. The other nurses filed out breathing in relief that the situation was under control.

"Are you in any pain sweetheart?" the nurse asked still smiling gently at her.

"N... no," she knew she sounded pathetic and that she could see right through her.

"Well, why don't I give you something anyway. That way Dr. Lopez will stop worrying so much okay." the nurse said pretending to believe her, saving the young diva's pride. She injected the morphine into the IV. After a quick exam Dr. Lopez decided her vitals were good for now and neurologically everything seemed alright. He left and the nurse went to follow but Rachel grabbed her hand stopping her. She looked up at the dark nurse and simply asked.

"What's your name?"

"Elise," she answered with another smile before leaving the room.

Santana's heart wouldn't stop racing, she tried desperately to get some sleep last night. But every time she closed her eyes all she could see was Rachel lying broken on the floor. It was an image she would never be able to erase. Her mother had asked to explain everything when she dragged her sleep deprived body upstairs to the kitchen. She cried not even acknowledging Julio eavesdropping by the doorway. She told her what she knew and what she had heard earlier that day. She had prepared herself for this, she knew she was going to have to go over this story many times today, but no preparation would ever help when she had to speak the words out loud. Her mother had reassured her that it wasn't her fault and she semi believed her. Knowing there wasn't really anything she could do, but she couldn't help thinking what if she had just said something when she discovered that bruise.

Julio was driving her to the hospital, her mother didn't want her to drive in her state and really she was to tired to argue. Maria said she would join later, after she made sure Tony was okay and explained things to him in a more censored way. She made her first call on the way to the hospital. Quinn was frantic as soon as she heard Rachel and hospital in the same sentence. After she had calmed down, Santana convinced her to notify everyone else. It was to hard telling Quinn there was no way she could deal with Puck's anger or telling Brittany who would be utterly heartbroken.

Santana quickly found the room in which they were keeping Rachel in again, ditching Julio who went to find their father. There was a security guard posted out front her door, which told her they haven't caught who did this. She had to push back the anger that was building up at that thought. She needed to stay calm, for Rachel. She enter the room with a gentle smile which grew wider when she noticed Rachel was awake.

"Hey, Rae-Rae how you feeling?" she asked sitting down in the empty seat next to the hospital bed. Rachel looked up at her and gave a weak but genuine smile.

"I'm fine, I keep telling them I can go home but they won't listen to me," she pouted in her normal diva fashion making Santana giggle.

"Well let's just humor them shall we?" she played along making Rachel wonder if she had taken lessons from that nurse Elise.

"Yeah, sure that's what we're doing." They laughed again before the air turned serious.

"Rach what happened?" she needed to know, she noticed how Rachel suddenly stiffened and her jaw clenched.

"I don't want to talk about it." she clammed up, terrified that if she let Santana in, she would end up getting hurt as well.

"I know it's hard to talk about..." she started but was cut off by Rachel's angered voice.

"No, you don't know. You don't know a thing about this," she said her eyes narrowing, her heart rate jumping as the stress in her body built up.

"Calm down sweetheart," she soothed when the machine beeped slightly in distress. Knowing she had to calm Rachel before she had a panic attack.

"You're right I don't know, but I want to help you. Just tell me was it you're dad?" she asked carefully, Rachel's eyes looked up at her in surprise and panic.

"You can tell me, if you do he will never touch you again I promise. I will protect you." she told her with such passion behind her words and her eyes telling Rachel she meant every word.

The brunet simply nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't understand these emotions she was feeling right now. Why was it all the sudden so hard to keep Santana out, when she had been doing it for years. She felt a someone wiping away the tears, and looked up to find the cheerleader smiling sadly at her as she gently cupped her cheek. Rachel unconsciously leaned into the touch.

"It's going to be okay, I'm here and I'm not letting go. You'll always be safe with me." she reassured the crying girl climbing into the hospital bed lying beside her, being careful of all the wire and tubes, wrapping her arms around the petite body.

She felt a warm feeling through out her body as she instantly curled into the Latina, their bodies fitting perfectly together even with all the tubes and wires in the way. They sat there in silence for a while, Santana resigning to the fact that she probably wasn't going to get anything more out of the little diva, that was until she started talking again.

"It was all my fault. I deserved everything he did to me, I'm the reason he died. I don't deserve to be safe, I don't deserve you." she rambled out the pain evident in her voice. Santana couldn't believe this was coming out of the girl she knows to be so confident and strong. Why would she talk this way about herself?

"Hey don't you dare talk about yourself like that. No one deserves to be treated this way, but you do deserve to be safe and you most definitely deserve me, and you didn't kill your father, a heart attack did." Rachel looked up at her in shock wondering how she knew that.

"My dad told me about it last night, he was the one to pronounce him. I wish you would have told me sooner, or at least told Kurt or Finn. Well not Finn he's an idiot, but Kurt understands he would have listened." she explained and surprisingly Rachel wasn't mad that she knew, she was kind of relieved.

"I'm the reason for the heart attack though. I was so selfish, wanting to be the star. He sacrificed so much for me. He was arguing with dad about me again that night. About how much effort and time he puts into me getting to Broadway and not their marriage. If I had just stopped being so damn selfish I would have realized the stress was to much. Dad said I'm the one that caused his heart attack and now I have to make sure his death wasn't in vain."

Santana patiently listened letting Rachel get out everything she needed to say. She couldn't believe a father would ever tell their child they were the cause of their others parents death and now she had to repay him for his sacrifice. No, she wasn't going to let Rachel think this way.

"Rachel listen to me carefully. You are not the reason your father died, it just happened. You are not selfish for having a big dream and having the courage to pursue it. He did everything he could for you not because he felt obligated or you demanded it. He did it because he loved you." Santana told her looking straight into her eyes, so that she would understand she wasn't lying to her.

"You didn't even know him Santana," Rachel protested years of mental abuse telling her it was her fault and Santana was only trying to make her feel better.

"No, I didn't. But I know his daughter and if he's anything like her then he is the most passionate and unselfish person there is, who would willingly sacrifice everything for the people he loved most." Rachel still didn't know what to believe and Santana knew it would be a long time before she would truly convince her.

"She's right you know, you're totally not selfish. One time you skipped every lesson you had to come over and help me take care of Lord Tubbington when he was sick and that's when I had to be mean to you." Brittany said from the doorway, where she and Quinn stood listening.

"You also helped me through my pregnancy and even offered me your friendship, when I was nothing but terrible to you. You're the most unselfish person I know Rach," Quinn added as they moved to Rachel's bedside. Brittany took the arm that was wrapped securely in the cast and kissed it.

"Hopefully, that will help it get better. My mom also kisses the places were I get hurt, its suppose to help it get better faster." The other girls smiled at the tall blonde, knowing that topic for now was to be dropped.

"Thank you Brittany, I'm sure that will help a lot in my recovery," she put on that smile that was partly genuine and partly fake. Santana sighed it was going to be a long time until Rachel was better emotionally. She just hoped Rachel would let her be there for her and not push her away.

"Can I be the first one to sign your cast Rae?" Brittany asked, jumping up and down in excitment. Rachel nodded and smiled when Brittany squeeled and rushed to get a sharpie from the nurses station.

They each took turns signing the cast, Rachel began drifting in and out as the pain medication began to make her more and more sleepy. She finally passed out still wrapped in Santana's arms. The second in comand turned to her caption.

"Where's Puck?" she asked quietly so that she wouldn't wake Rachel.

"I told him to come by after he calms down." Santana raised a curious eyebrow. "When I called him I heard him punch a wall. So I told him when he calms down he can come see her. I didn't think Rachel needed an angry Puck interigating her right now." Quinn explain and Santana nodded.

"Good thinking," she replied glancing back at Rachel, smoothing back her bangs from her face.

"What happened San?" It was Brittany who asked the question Santana had been waiting for. She took a deep breath and turned her attention back to her two best friends. She explained everything just like she had that morning to her mother. Quinn looked shocked and Brittany was crying.

"I should have said something," she confessed when she finished.

"San you couldn't have known what was really going on." Quinn said and when Santana went to protest surprising Brittany stepped in.

"Don't you dare start blaming yourself!" Brittany said angerly seeing the signs on her best friends face. "We should have all noticed sooner, but we didn't and we can't change that. Right now Rachel needs us, so don't start throwing yourself a pity party when the girl you love needs you now more then ever." Quinn and Santana stared at Brittany in shock at the rare forcefulness in the girls voice.

"Hey do you think Rachel will want to go to the duck pond when she's feeling better?" and just like that she's back to being sweet innocent Brittany.

A few hours later Puck had showed up and Santana filled him in on what was going on. Both Santana's parents had come to check on them a few times through out the day. Rachel was awake again and listening to Puck tell some ridiculous story that she knew wasn't true, but she played along like she believed it anyway. Everything was going pretty good until Rachel suddenly stiffened in Santana's arms, making her look towards the door to find two detective watching the teenagers.

"Hi Rachel do you mind if we come in and ask you some questions?" the female detective asked sweetly. Rachel looked at Santana for support, who nodded at her and told her with her eyes that she could do this.

"Can Tana stay with me?" she asked quietly, curling herself further into the girl in question.

"Well I don't think..." the male detective started but the Latina growling lowly at him made him stop.

"I'm not leaving her. Beside you're going to have to question me anyway, so you might as well kill two birds with one stone." she said daring the detectives to try to make her leave.

"That's I really mean expression Tana," Rachel pouted, making Santana smile and kiss her forehead.

"Sorry baby girl," she apologized raising her eyebrow back at the detectives.

"Well we need permission from one of your parents to have you in the room while we question your friend."

"Well my dad's her doctor so go find him and get back here so we can get this over with." The male detective went and was back within minutes, he nodded at his partner that he got permission. The rest of the teens got up and each gave Rachel a kiss on the head before leaving.

"We'll be back jewish princess." Puck whispered before following the girls out and glaring at the two dectives. Daring them to upset either girl.

The questions where very standard and quick. The tension in Santana eased when she realized they were truly on Rachel's side and trying to make her comfortable as possible. Rachel gave them only the information they needed, comfirming with Santana's encouragement that it was her dad and the abuse had been going on for five years. When Rachel was done she buried her face into the crook of Santana neck effectively hiding herself from the world, as they questioned Santana. The Latina explained her story for what seemed like the hundredth time today. The detectives wished Rachel well, shook Santana's hand and left.

"I'm so proud of you baby girl," Santana whispered as the others re-entered the room. Santana looked up and laughed.

"Were you guys waiting outside the door or something?" she asked as they shrugged and she chuckled again. But she turned serious again when a women she didn't know entered the room.

"Who are you?" she asked her arms around Rachel tightening protectively.

"I'm Tara, I've been assigned as Rachel Berry's social worker." she answered with a sympethic smile, that Santana knew was fake.

"Social worker?" Rachel squeeked, from her place in Santana's neck, poking her head out a little bit to look at the tall slender woman.

"Yes, normally with a victims situation like this one," she started as if Racel wasn't in the room, but paused when she heard a collective growl from the whole group.

"She's not a victim, she's Rachel." Brittany said seriously glaring at the older woman, making her swallow suddenly nervous.

"Yes right of course," she stammered trying to correct herself "In Rachel's type of situation, we would normally place her in a home until we find a qualified foster family to care to her specific needs." Rachel whimpered and Santana pulled her impossibly closer glaring at the woman in the process.

"But we have already got a call with from a great family who is trained to foster children in this type of scenrio. They haven't fostered anyone in years but they called specifically when they heard about Rachel." Everyone looked at each other in confusion wondering who could have called.

"Who?" they asked all together. Tara smiled and opened the door everyone gasped at who entered.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 8

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome new beta kitaleigh!

Everyone's mouth hung open when the three most unlikeliest people entered the room.

"Artie?" They all asked together as the boy wheeled himself through the door, his parents trailing close behind him.

"Dude, since when are your parents in the foster care system?" Puck asked dumbfounded.

"The doctors told my mother that it would be very hard for her to get pregnant, so they started to foster. My mom is a psychologist so they decided to foster kids from troubled families or children who have mental disorders. My older sister is actually adopted and then I was born a few years later. When the car crash happened they decided it would be best to stop taking in children and put all their efforts into helping me recover. We didn't know I'd never walk again so when I started high school we decided to stop foster care all together. When I heard about Rachel, I didn't want her going to live with some strangers, so I convinced my parents to take her in. They've spent enough time worrying about me, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Especially when someone else needs their attention more" Artie explained wheeling himself to sit next to his girlfriend.

"He really didn't have to do much convincing," said Mrs. Abrams with a smile, "Once he told me about your past living situation, we knew we had to help" she said, giving Rachel a warm smile.

"How did you find out about Rachel?" Santana asked still hesitant to let anyone other then herself take care her little diva.

"Brittany called me and said she thought that Rachel's dad hurt her. So I told my parents about it and they wanted to help," Artie explained, looking right into Santana's distrusting eyes. "Rachel's my friend and I'll do anything to make sure she's with people she feels comfortable with. It's either my family or some strangers" he said passionately, glancing towards the hurt girl in the Latina's arms. Rage began to build up in him as he noticed her injuries, he couldn't help himself when he started think of ways to kill the bastard with his wheelchair.

"Okay Wheels, here's how it's gonna be. We'll give you and your family a chance, but if you hurt her you're going to wish you could use those legs of yours to run." Artie paled, the other teens rolled their eyes and the adults in the room stared in shock.

"Santana," Rachel reprimanded weakly hitting the girls shoulder.

"It's okay Rachel. Santana is simply being her overprotective self. I completely understand and I promise you Santana, I will never intentionally hurt Rachel," he promised, Santana nodded once at him while Rachel continued to glare at her.

"You didn't have to say it like that," she pouted prompting Santana to kiss her temple, she couldn't help the little jolts of lightening she felt when the cheerleader's lip touched her skin.

"It's the way I am babe, take me or leave me" Santana smirked as Rachel tightened her hold around the Latina's waist.

"Well, with all this threatening going on around here," Mr. Abrams spoke, fixing a glare on Santana who shrugged. "No one has asked what you think of all this Rachel. Your opinion matters the most to us." Rachel looked around the room not knowing what to think. She had lived under her father's cruel dictating hand for so long it was hard to think for herself anymore.

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Abrams your offer is very kind and I am very grateful for it. But I do not wish to impose on your family," she answered politely, she really didn't want to interfere with anymore lives. She was broken enough as it was, she didn't need anyone's pity. She needed to move on, to forget her past and to pursue her dreams.

"You wouldn't be imposing at all dear. We want you to join our family. We have an empty bedroom that's just dying to be filled up by someone," Mrs. Abrams told her with a kind smile. "Ever since our eldest went to college, Artie's been home alone and I'm sure he would enjoy your company" she said as Artie beamed and nodded.

"But what about when I turn eighteen? Doesn't the system just kick you out?" Tara, the social worker went to answer, but Mrs. Abrams beat her to it.

"The system may, but we won't. Once you're in this family you are apart of it forever. We even wanted another child after Artie, but then the accident happened and he needed us. But now he's adjusted and we have more than enough room for you," she told her genuinely. Rachel wanted nothing more than to say yes, but she was still afraid she would be too much of a burden. She knew she needed help getting better and Artie's parents had experience with troubled teens, this could possibly be her chance to move on.

"What about money? I do not want to put your family through any financial strain," she said finding another excuse for this not to work.

"Oh honey that is no problem. We are more then stable in that area and you wouldn't add anything we couldn't handle," Mr. Abrams explained.

"Your father, Leroy, also left you a fair amount of money after he died," Tara said. Artie looked up at that bit of news. Brittany squeezed his shoulder silently telling him not to ask about that now. "Also the government will give Mr. and Mrs. Abrams a stipend while you are living in their home. It's part of the foster care system's responsibility since you are now technically orphaned".

"But that money is for college," Mr. Abrams interrupted giving a look no one would argue with. Santana was beginning to wonder if all parents get together to perfect that look, she's seen it more than once on her Papi's face when she's in trouble.

"We really want you to be apart of this family Rach. Please don't turn us away," Artie spoke while pouting making Rachel chuckle and nod her head.

"Okay, I want you to be my foster family," everyone sighed in relief, the thought of Rachel going to live with some strangers not sitting well with any of them, especially Santana. In her mind, no one was good enough for the little singer. She wanted Rachel to come and live with her so she could protect her and her dad could keep an eye on her injuries, but she didn't have the space.

Santana absently stroked Rachel's hair while Brittany and Artie flirted with each other. The adults had worked everything out, they decided they would have Rachel's room ready by the time she would be released from the hospital. They also would visit everyday so that they could get to know her. Santana refused to leave Rachel's side during her stay in the hospital. One night they forced her to go home, but she when parents found her pacing the hallway in the middle of the night, they realized she wasn't going to sleep they took her back to the hospital. She crawled beside a sleeping Rachel and wrapped her arms around her, whispering kind reassuring words in her ear. She laid her head on Rachel's shoulder and fell right to sleep.

As the week progressed Rachel steadily got better, she was able to walk around by herself and by the second day the bruises had started to slowly fade from their hideous black to a lighter green. She was still in a lot of pain but she hide it well, often trying to refuse the pain medication given to her. However, the nurses seemed to be smarter then her and one pleading look from Santana had her gulping down the pills. She couldn't resist those dark eyes and her big pouty lips.

Rachel was recovering remarkable well with Santana by her side and if the people around her didn't know any better, they wouldn't even know something was wrong. The only problem was that Rachel didn't know how to let her guard down and let people in. The only person she trusted fully was Santana and she still doesn't know why. She had to pretend for years that everything was okay and that wasn't an easy habit to break, especially with Hiram still out there. No matter how hard she tried, she still didn't feel safe.

Today was the day of Rachel's discharge and she couldn't wait to never see those white walls again. She sat in the room alone waiting for the Abrams' to pick her up and take her to her new home. She smiled when Santana entered the room with her signature smirk in place.

"Hey, I brought some of my old sweats for you. They may be a little long but they're better then a hospital gown." Santana said while handing her the gray sweatpants and red Cheerio's sweatshirt.

"Thanks San," she smiled up at the Latina, moving to stand up so that she could change. She winced as she moved to untie the hospital gown. Santana noticed and moved to do it for her.

"Here let me help," she offered and smiled as she felt Rachel instantly give in. She knew if it was anyone else she would put up a fight about being able to do it herself. Santana smiles when she realizes that she's the only one Rachel trusts, it means so much to her that the diva is letting her in.

Over the past week Santana noticed Rachel could be very stubborn about letting other do things for her, she was extremely unwilling to give up her independence except when it came to Santana, she almost always instantly gave in. Santana untied the gown, removing the thin fabric from the girl's shoulders. She tried hard to hold back the sob that escaped her lips, but seeing the angry red cigarette burns that spelt out the word 'selfish' for the first time, Santana couldn't stop it in time. Rachel looked back at her concerned. She placed her hand on her cheek, gently wiping away the taller girls tears.

"I swear I will kill him for doing this to you," Santana said, her fist trembling with rage.

"No you won't. You're better than that Santana, just promise me you'll always be here. I can't handle this without you," she replied looking up at her, taking the fists into her own hand gently unclenching them and then kissing them.

"I promise," she said sincerely.

They got Rachel dressed quickly, Santana barely registering she had just seen Rachel practically naked, because the only thought going through her mind was how someone could bruise this beautiful body. When Mrs. Abrams arrived to pick up Rachel, she found the young brunette fighting the wheelchair.

"I'm not an invalid," she argued as the nurse, Elise, patiently tried to get her to sit while Santana just sat back watching the whole thing amusingly. Mrs. Abrams smiled at Santana as she tried to hide her chuckle.

"I know you aren't sweetheart, but it's hospital policy and if you don't use the wheelchair I could get in trouble," Rachel's mouth shut and she reluctantly sat in the chair, she'd grown fond of the kind nurse and didn't want her to get into any trouble over her selfishness. If it was one thing Rachel hated it was getting other people in trouble or making them upset, she'd made her father upset and he retaliated. It was her own selfishness that killed her daddy, and her fault that her daddy hit her.

"Hey Rachel are you ready to go?" Mrs. Abrams asked turning the girls attention to her.

"Yes Mrs. Abrams," Rachel responded politely.

"Please call me Kara and my husband's name is Tim. We've already been over this," Rachel nodded, it was going to take sometime to put the professional manner behind her. They made their way out to the car where Elise pulled her into a tight hug.

"Take care of yourself please Rachel" she whispered into the girl's hair. "The only time I ever want to see you back here is to visit, understand?" she asked as Rachel smiled back and nodded.

"Understood," she said before getting into the car, Santana climbing in behind her. It was decided that Santana would go with Rachel on her first day with the Abrams' so that she would feel a little more comfortable. When they pulled up to the nice suburban home, Santana got out first and looked back when she noticed Rachel wasn't following her.

"Hey, you okay?"

"It's really true isn't it?" she asked still looking at the home through the window.

"What do you mean?" Santana asked confused.

"This is really happening right? I'm really free from him and this isn't a some sort of dream?" Santana wasn't sure where Rachel was going with this.

"It's real Rach," she reassured unsure of what else to say.

"I'm free," Rachel whispered, a small smile on her lips. It was such a simple statement, but Santana could feel so much emotion from those few words. Rachel got out of the car without another word and followed Kara to the front of the house, Santana noticed that she held her head up a little higher and the small smile got a little bigger.

Artie, Tim and Artie's nineteen-year-old sister, Tanya were in the living room waiting to greet them. They each gave Rachel a gentle hug and welcomed her to the family. She was given the grand tour, her first impression of the home was that it was beautiful. The Abrams' obviously took care of this place. Artie's room was on the first floor while the master bedroom and Tanya's was on the second. Right next to Tanya's was where Rachel's room would be. The walls were painted purple and the furniture was simple and nice. The best part of the room was the comfortable queen sized bed located in the middle.

"When you're feeling better, you can decorate it anyway you want. We'll go to the mall and find you some things to help make it your own," Kara said, watching Rachel carefully as she sat on the bed, Santana following close behind.

"Just give her some Broadway posters and she'll be fine," Santana joked, making Rachel giggle slightly.

"What am I going to do for clothes? I can't keep borrowing Santana's sweats," she asked, hoping she didn't have to go back to wearing her old type clothes. She shuddered as she imagined her scarred body in one of her short plaid skirts.

"I'll take you clothes shopping tomorrow, the police would really rather you not go back to your house. They were able to retrieve some clothes, your laptop, and an old stuffed animal but that's it," Kara explained pointing to the middle of the bed where a old stuffed black bear with a gold star over it's heart sat. Rachel smiled, it was the only thing she had left of her daddy, he gave that to her when she was four years old and had decided that she wanted to be on the stage. He told her she was going to be a star and that he would be at every single one of her shows, sitting in the front row. The bear was honestly the only thing she cared about getting from that house, it brought back memories from her childhood when everything was perfect. From when life was simple and filled with happiness, she never imagined that her life would be turned upside down. That her daddy would die and that he dad would hit her. She never thought she would be responsible for her own father's death.

"You are so letting me help pick her new wardrobe." Santana grinned playfully.

"I never really liked my old clothes anyway. My dad use to force me to wear as a form of humiliation," she explained quietly as the air in the room suddenly got thinner. Santana moved unconsciously closer to her, grabbing the small hand and squeezing it reassuringly. Kara watched the girl's interaction curiously, she knew there was something more between the two than a simple friendship. She smiled to herself knowing that they would always take care of each other, even if they didn't know it themselves yet.

"Then it's time for a new wardrobe," Kara said smiling.

"But it's going to be too much money," she protested. She didn't like the idea of others doing things for her, it gave them control over her just like her father had and it scared her. She needed to do things herself, she wouldn't allow herself to become a victim again.

"We already told you, we're fine with money. The system gives a certain amount for your needs, but even without that we have enough. Not another word about that," she said leaving no room for arguments, Rachel nodded unsurely.

"Alright, I'll leave you girls alone so you can settle in. Rach, if you need anything I'll just be downstairs in the kitchen," with that she left the girls alone, purposely leaving the door open.

"Are you okay Rae-Rae?" Santana asked, looking at the tiny girl with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a lot to take in at once," she answered, looking around the room some more noting that it was definitely bigger then her old room. She didn't even mind that she would be sharing a bathroom with the older girl in the next room when she's home from college on vacations.

"It is, but everything is going to be okay," the Latina said confidently. It had to be okay, it just had to be. Rachel couldn't take anymore pain or abuse in her life, she deserved to be happy.

"When you say it, I actually believe you," she smiled slightly before turning serious again. "It's going to take some time for me to get use to this. I'm not sure how I'm going to react when everything settles in. I'm afraid I'm going to end up pushing everyone away like I always have," she admitted, never taking her eyes off the cheerleader.

"You'll get through this, no matter how hard you push me away, I'm not leaving. I'm never going to give up on you." Santana said sincerely, her eyes conveying so much love that Rachel felt her eyes well up as she became overwhelmed.

"Thank you," was all she could get out as Santana pulled her into a hug, never wanting to let go of her warm body. It was the only place she felt safe.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 9

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh!

The mall was the last place where Rachel wanted to be the day after she got out of the hospital. She knew she needed new clothes and she knew she had to be there to try on the clothes they pick out for her, heaven forbid she let Santana pick out her clothes. Still she was afraid, she knew what she looked like even though she had her hoodie pulled over her head, hiding the bandaged gash on her head. She had been lucky enough to escape the beating with little damage to her face, only receiving a black eye and a few scratches down her cheeks. While the rest of her body that was easily covered looked like a war zone, her father was always careful about leaving marks where people could see them. But she had choke marks around her neck. They weren't extremely noticeable, and if you squinted you could make out the distinct lines shaped as handprints and she knew people could tell by the way they stared as she walked by with Santana and Quinn on either side of her with Kara Abrams walking slightly behind them. She just wanted to blend in and disappear, she was even more afraid that they might run into her father who still hasn't been caught. She could handle him hurting her, but if he ever hurt her friends, she would never be able to live with herself.

As she was dragged from store to store, she silently thanked God that they decided not to invite Brittany on this little shopping trip. She loved the blonde dancer, but knowing the overly excitable girl's personality, she would have made this overwhelming experience even more painful for Rachel then it already was. She watched as Santana and Quinn began pulling short-sleeved shirts and tank tops from the rack with a furrowed brow.

"Um San, Quinn, I don't think that's such a good idea," she said, eyeing the number of fashionable short sleeved shirts in their arms warily.

"Why?" Quinn asked confused.

"I... um well... my arms might be a bit too grotesque for most people's comfort zone," she said softly, both girls eyed her questionably not fully understanding what she meant until Santana finally caught on.

"Rae-Rae the bruises are going to fade eventually and when they do and it gets warm outside, you're going to need some light shirts," Santana explained as Quinn closed her eyes finally catching on, wanting to kick herself for not thinking about that. "You can't wear your sweaters in the spring time" she said, shaking her head. "No matter how cute you look in them" she added with a whisper, making Rachel's cheeks turn red. She didn't know what it was about the Raven-haired girl, but she made her feel things she knew she shouldn't.

"Are you sure that it will be acceptable?" Rachel asked unsurely, after taking several deep breaths to calm herself.

"We really need to work on getting you to stop speaking like you're at a formal event," the darker girl teased before becoming serious again. "But yes Rach, I'm sure these will be more than acceptable for when the weather becomes warm enough," she answered doing a semi imitation of the shorter girl, making her giggle slightly before nodding.

Within three hours they were able to find Rachel a stylish wardrobe that Santana thought fit the little diva perfectly. It was bright and bubbly just like her personality, but toned down enough that she wouldn't attract any unwanted attention. Kara and Santana separated from Quinn and Rachel claiming that they needed to take care of some things before they went home. Rachel eyed Santana suspiciously, but followed Quinn to the food court anyway. Not liking the feeling of parting with the Latina.

Quinn and Rachel waited patiently in the food court for them. Kara had insisted at the beginning of the day that she buy the girls lunch, even after all three girls protested. Kara wouldn't take no for an answer and insisted that Rachel was a part of the family and since Santana and Quinn were her friends, they were welcome as well, so Rachel and Quinn grabbed a table and waited for them to return so they could all get their food together.

"How are you doing?" Quinn asked after a few moments of silence.

"I'm doing quite well, Quinn, thank you," she answered politely making Quinn frown at the answer.

"Okay, now you want to try that again. This time with the truth," Rachel stared down at her fingers. She wasn't use to people seeing through her lies, now she had many people catching them and she wasn't really sure how to handle it. Lying had become a necessary part of her life if she wanted to keep her secret, she couldn't help the way the words just rolled off of her tongue.

"I'm honestly unsure of the answer to that question," Rachel sighed, looking back up to meet hazel eyes. "I want to say that I'm ecstatic that I'm finally away from him and everything is great now. But I can't because for five years that is all I have known, I'm not sure how else to live. He's still my dad, Quinn, no matter what ," she confessed sadly.

"It will eventually get better Rach. It's never going to be completely okay, but one day you will at least be able to move on and live a better life," Quinn told her truthfully, thinking about how it used to be when her father still lived with them. She hadn't gone through anything near as traumatic as Rachel had, but she knew the emotional abuse well enough. She just hoped Rachel could find the strength to move on. If anyone could, it would be Rachel. Out of everyone Quinn Fabray had ever known, Rachel Berry had been the strongest. She was the brightest star of them all and Quinn hoped to God she could shine her way through this.

The singer only nodded before changing the subject, asking about what she had been missing at school for the past week and in glee. Soon the girls were engrossed in a conversation about whether or not Mr. Shue could ever really be cured of his addiction to sweater vests and if Finn would ever get it through his skull that he is not God's gift to women. They had been so into their conversation that they did not notice the group approaching them or that Rachel's hoodie had slipped back slightly, making her injuries more noticeable to the public's eye.

"Diva, just because you haven't been getting all the solo's lately is not an excuse. You can't just skip out on us for a whole..." Mercedes accusing voice trailed off as she took in the tiny girls face. Her mouth dropped as did the other three that were with her.

"What the hell happened?" Kurt's high pitch voice demanded startling both girls, Rachel shrank back at the harsh tone causing Quinn to glare at the boy.

"None of your business Hummel," Quinn growled, ready to slip into her HBIC mode if need be.

"Are you okay Rachel?" Tina asked flying right to her teammates side. Genuine concern was evident in her voice, making Quinn relax only slightly. She wouldn't hesitate to snap on anyone who hurt Rachel or even did so much as make the smaller girl uncomfortable. Quinn knew Rachel was getting better, but she also knew that she was extremely vulnerable and that even the simplest things could scare her.

"I'm fine Tina, everything is healing quite nicely and I should be back in school by next week," Rachel answered cooly her mask forming right back into place without the group noticing. Quinn noticed however, and did not like it one bit. Before anyone could say a word, a voice spoke from behind them.

"What's going on?" Santana asked holding a shopping bag close to her as if to hide it from view. She fixed everyone that shouldn't be there with a warning glare.

"Our teammates were just asking about my well being Santana," Rachel said and Santana noticed the signs of Rachel retreating into old herself immediately, her eyes cast downwards as if she were afraid that even looking at someone would get her into trouble.

"Oh hi guys, its great to see you again," Kara greeted with a smile completely oblivious to the tension between the two groups.

"Mrs. Abrams what are you doing here?" Tina asked, smiling back at her ex-boyfriends mother.

"I'm helping Rachel with her new wardrobe," She stated simply as Kurt's eyes seemed to brighten and he jumped to check the numerous bags around the girls only to be slapped away by Quinn.

"But why?" Mercedes asked.

"Well since I'm Rachel new foster mother, I felt I should be here to help. Plus she's still having a hard time getting around sense she only got out of the hospital yesterday," the group noticeably tensed this time. Santana and Quinn were ready to pounce at any snarky comment as Rachel shrank even further into herself. The other four teenagers stood in stunned silence as they slowly began to process the information just given to them.

A sudden stampede of questions broke the silence. They were so rushed and jumbled together no one could understand what was being said. The angry loud voices scared Rachel. She felt her airway begin to constrict as the panic began to build up. Santana noticed the tiny diva struggling and reacted immediately.

"Everyone shut the hell up," she yelled making everyone stop suddenly. The few people in the food court stealing unsure glances at them. She rushed to Rachel's side, Tina still on the other side of her trying her best to calm the clearly distraught girl.

"Rae-Rae, Sweetheart it's okay, you're safe," she said gently. She didn't even care that she sounded completely out of character and totally not badass. All that mattered was Rachel.

"No one will hurt you. Come on honey, you need to breathe, follow me baby girl. You're okay," Santana soothed, taking Rachel's hand and placing it on her chest so that she would be able to follow her breaths and calm herself down. After about ten minutes Rachel's breathing evened out as the panic within her began to die down.

"Santana that was amazing," Kara stated truly impressed, she never seen a teenager handle a panic attack so well. Santana only shrugged all her attention focused on Rachel who seemed to be trying to make herself disappear.

"I'm sorry," Rachel spoke softly making the other's doubtful that it was actually Rachel Berry speaking. This Rachel was nothing like the loud, stubborn, and demanding diva they were used to seeing.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she reassured kissing the still slightly trembling girls head.

"I don't mean to push, but what exactly is going on?" Blaine asked carefully, tightening his hand around his boyfriend's hand as he stared at Rachel with concerned and terrified eyes.

"Oh my, I am so sorry Rachel. Artie told me all your friends already knew," Kara apologized quickly, suddenly realizing her mistake.

"All her friends do know," Quinn growled out, starring down Mercedes disbelieving eyes.

"What Rachel we're your friends. You can tell me anything," Kurt said, hurt evident in his voice. Rachel took in a deep breath before looking straight at the young soprano.

"No Kurt we aren't. When you went to Dalton we got close, I was beginning to trust you, learning what it mean to be a friend," she started smiling slightly as she remembered the long conversations they used to share. "But when you came back it went right back to being a competition. You tore me down for every solo when you didn't even know why those solo's are were so important to me. My life literally depended on those solos and you and Mercedes were always the first ones to put me down when I got one," They heard Mercedes scoff she took a step back when everyone glared at her including Kurt. Santana, Quinn and Ms. Abrams looking at her curiously wondering if she had just let them in on a little of what her father has done to her.

"But when you needed me I was still there. You used me for your own convenience and then went right back to insulting me like everyone else. That's not friendship Kurt," she finished.

"Kurt looked down with shame and guilt. Blaine's grip loosened slightly on his hand, extremely disappointed in his boyfriend. He knew he didn't really get along with the diva, but he never realized he was using her the way he was. Rachel turned to the others.

"Tina you're nice and have never done anything underhanded towards me, but you still stood back while others did. Blaine I just don't know you well enough," Tina looked near tears as Blaine nodded in understanding.

"Mercedes, I have always had the most respect for you and your voice is amazing," Mercedes smiled. "But we're diva's in the same club, we fight and we clash over solo's. I just don't understand why that hostility has to remain the same outside of the competition as well," the soulful singer adverted her eyes away, not wanting anyone to see the regret within them.

"Rachel, you don't have to tell them anything. I messed up in saying what I did, I shouldn't have assumed. But you don't need to tell them anything you're uncomfortable with. This is only a decision you can make," Kara explained gently not wanting Rachel to feel bullied into telling anyone. No one should hold that power over her head ever again.

"No Mrs. Abrams-I mean Kara," she blushed. "They may not be my friends, but they are still my teammates, and I don't want to lie to them anymore. In a small town like this rumors are bound to spread, I prefer they hear the truth as opposed to the rumors," Rachel explained and everyone knew she was right.

"But could you please tell them? I don't think I can," Rachel pleaded, Kara nodded in understanding. She explained everything she knew about Rachel's situation for the past five years. By the time she was done everyone was in tears even Mercedes, who was trying to quickly wipe them away.

"We're so sorry Rach, we should have noticed," Tina managed to choke out through tears.

"You couldn't have done anything," Rachel reassured the Goth looking girl.

"We're going to be better Rach. I swear we're going to prove ourselves to you just the way Santana, Quinn and Brittany have," Kurt promised leaning closer to Blaine.

Blaine held him a little tighter, unsure how he would be able to handle it if it were Kurt in Rachel's position. Knowing how Santana felt about her, having overheard a conversation between her and Puck about it a while back, he couldn't even begin to imagine what she must be feeling right now.

"Thank you," was the only thing Rachel managed to say from her place burrowed in Santana's neck.

"I think we should go, I think Rachel has had enough for today," Kara said as everyone nodded in agreement. They walked slowly out of the cafeteria, people staring at them with shock. The whole ordeal could have been avoided and Rachel paled, knowing that everyone there had heard the yelling and crying. In order to cheer everyone up, Kara promised to take the girls out to Breadsticks next week, brightening Santana's mood considerably.

After helping them get all of the bags into the car, Quinn said her goodbyes before heading to her own car. Both Kara and Santana had to physically force Rachel up to her room so that she wouldn't help them bring the bags in. Once everything was brought up and put away, Kara brought out a bag Rachel hadn't seen her carrying.

"Rach, your phone was broken when they found it. So Tim and I decided to get you a new one. Santana helped me program it at the mall so it's all set," Kara said, handing her a brand new iPhone with a huge smile. Rachel's mouth dropped.

"This is too much," Rachel squeaked out staring at the phone in her hand dumbly.

"You need a phone,"

"But an iPhone? It's too much," she protested, understanding that she did in fact need a phone, but not one that was so expensive.

"Hush you, you are keeping it," and with that Kara walked out of the room. Rachel turned and raised her eyebrow at Santana when she heard her laughing.

"You are the only teenager I know who would complain when given a brand new iPhone," she said shaking her head as Rachel laughed along with her. Rachel pulled out a pair of her new sweatpants and a sweater disappearing into the bathroom to change. Santana placed the bag that she was holding close to her since the food court on the bed where she knew Rachel would find it. When Rachel came back she looked curiously at the bag then at Santana who only smiled and motioned for her to open it.

Rachel felt tears began to well up in her eyes as she looked down at what Santana had gotten for her.

"I wanted you're room to be a little more you and I really didn't want you to have to wait till next week to give this room some Rachel Berryness so I got you those," Santana said shyly shrugging her shoulders.

Rachel looked down at the two Broadway posters lying on the bed. One was of The Phantom of the Opera and the other of Wicked and the vocal selection book of Funny Girl. Rachel was absolutely speechless that someone would do this for her.

"Open the book," Santana instructed and Rachel obeyed in a dazed shock finding a note written in Santana's handwriting on the inside cover.

_Rachel,_

_You are the strongest person I know. I truly believe you can beat down any obstacle that comes your way and still come out singing and strong. I would never be able to live without you, you're the most important person in my life._

_Love,_

_Santana_

Rachel couldn't stop herself from launching herself at Santana and clinging to her as if she she would disappear if she let her go. Santana hugged back just as furiously slightly more gentle so she wouldn't hurt the still injured brunette.

"You're the most important person in my life to Tana," Santana smiled as she continued to hold the diva, hoping this meant that she had a chance someday.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 10

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh!

Rachel sat on the couch staring blankly at the TV as she tried to process all the information the detectives had just given to her. Her father most likely returned home to find her missing, and then took off. He emptied his bank account and tried recently to access the money her other father had left for her when he died, but he couldn't. They had found lighter fluid and a pack of matches left abandoned where Rachel was originally found by Santana and her brother, Julio. He was planning on killing her that night. Setting fire to his own house with her still in it and feigning her death as an accident or a homophobic act of violence, he wanted to play the victim. If Santana and Julio didn't show up when they did, she would've been dead. The scariest part wasn't even that he's still out there. It's that sometimes she wishes he had succeeded.

"Hey Rach, you doing okay?" Artie asked, snapping her out of her deep thought.

"Yes, Artie, I'm fine thank you," she replied stiffly.

"I heard everything the detectives just told you," he confessed to his eavesdropping. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked hopefully. She was his sister now, he wanted her to be able to come to him when she needed to, he wanted her to truly feel like part of the family like he considered her to be.

"No I don't, and eavesdropping is rude," she said sharply before getting up and walking up the stairs to her room.

She's going back to school tomorrow and prayed for everything to appear normal. She hated everyone always checking up on her, treating her as if she was going to break at any second. If she were honest with herself she knew she could break any second, but she hasn't been very honest with herself for a really long time. She turned around when she heard a knock at her door.

"Hey, Artie just told me he came to talk to you. He said you seemed a little upset," Tim said from the doorway. Rachel only shrugged. "I know what the detectives told you is really hard to take in but just know you can talk to us. Holding it all inside is only going to make the pain worse," he told her and Rachel could feel the anger start to build within her. She didn't need people who didn't know a thing about her, telling her how to handle something she'd been dealing with for the past five years perfectly fine on her own.

"I just want to be fucking left alone okay," she snapped closing her eyes immediately in regret. She was mortified that she had just sworn. Swearing was beneath her, she was too good for it and it belittled her vocabulary and made her seem ignorant. Tim didn't even flinch. He was used to this kind of thing happening with his other foster children. Finally something good happens and they can't deal with it because of all the bad things that never seemed to stop. With Rachel it was a little different. She was finally rescued from her father's abuse and put into a good home, only to find out that he wanted her dead. It was a lot to take in for a teenage girl who should be worrying about things like prom and he understood her anger.

"Alright, I'm right down the hall if you need me," he said closing the door behind him and making his way to his bedroom.

Rachel wanted to slap herself. These people took her in, she shouldn't be snapping at them like this. She doesn't deserve their hospitality. She sighed before picking up her iPhone and finding the familiar number in her contacts before pressing send. There was only one person who she could talk to who could calm her down.

"Hey Rae-Rae, I was just about to call you. Mami told me the detectives came to talk to you. Is everything okay?" Santana asked from the other end of the phone. Rachel groaned, she just couldn't escape it.

"Doesn't anyone know how to keep their fucking mouths shut?" she asked annoyed knowing Kara or Tim must have called Maria to let her know, most likely knowing she would tell Santana.

"Whoa, okay so not good news I take it," Santana replied a little shocked by the hostility and swearing.

"I'm sorry San, no it wasn't," she apologized and then explained. She really wasn't planning on telling anyone any of this. But Santana just had this way of getting stuff out of her without even really trying. When she was finished all she heard was labored breathing on the other end.

"Tana, are you okay?" she asked worried receiving no response. "Santana?"

"If he ever gets near you again, I swear I will kill him," she promised, her voice filled with rage. Rachel sighed, she should have expected this reaction from the raven-haired girl. She was always so protective of her, especially now.

"No you won't, and anyway I don't think he will come back for me," Rachel responded cooly though on the inside she was honestly terrified.

"You don't know that and if he does I swear I will protect you with my life," Santana declared making Rachel smile a little, giving her a reason to be happy he didn't succeed in killing her. If she were honest with herself, the only reason she was living was because of Santana. The Latina cheerio was the only thing Rachel had to live for at this point. She had no other family and only Brittany and Quinn as her friends. Santana was it, she was her life.

"Can we please change the subject? I just called to ask if you wanted me to meet you at your locker tomorrow before homeroom?"

"Of course I do," Santana replied knowing this wasn't the real reason Rachel called. She knew from the moment Rachel spoke she just needed someone to talk with her to help her calm down and she loved that that person was her.

"I would totally pick you up, but I'm pretty sure you don't want to get up extra early to come to Cheerio's practice with me," she sighed already dreading the early morning she would have tomorrow.

"Well normally I would be up around that time anyway, but I am afraid that I'm still too sore to complete my usual morning workout routine," she said, Santana could almost hear the pout in her voice.

"That and you know Mrs. Abrams would throw a fit if she caught you trying it," Santana laughed as Rachel joined in. It wasn't her full, loud, obnoxious, contagious laugh, but it was the closest she'd gotten since she'd been released from the hospital.

"That's very true," they talked a little more before they had to finally give into sleep. They said their goodnights and reluctantly hung up their phones. Tim smiled from the hallway, at least she was talking to someone. He knew that as long as Santana stuck around, Rachel was going to be okay. He didn't know much about their relationship, but he had a feeling they were closer than they thought.

* * *

><p>Rachel walked through the halls carefully making her way towards Santana's locker, where she hoped the cheerleader would be already waiting for her. She felt the stares of the other students and even teachers burn into her. A lot of them were out of pity, but some were of pure disgust and ridicule. It didn't take much for her to realize that everyone knew, or they at least knew some version of what happened.<p>

"Hello? Earth to Rachel," she heard Santana calling her as she waved her hand in front of her face. Rachel hadn't even realized she had reached the Latina's locker. "You okay?" she asked concerned. Rachel looked up at her with fear in her eyes.

"Everyone knows," Santana's frown grew deeper at that statement.

"You don't know that," she tried to encourage the girl, but Santana knew it was pointless, she'd heard them talking about Rachel when she walked in and no matter how many people she threatened, people still continued to talk about her.

Santana knew everyone had been talking about it for at least a week, all because that creeper Jacob Ben Israel posted the story on that stupid blog of his. She didn't want to upset or scare, Rachel so she decided not to tell her. As far as she was concerned they didn't matter, as long as they left Rachel alone and didn't harm her physically, they could whisper all they want. She was hoping Rachel would feel the same, but apparently she didn't.

"They do and you know it," she argued. "The minute I walked through that door everyone was staring at me, even the teachers are staring at me with a mixture of pity and disgust," she sniffed feeling the tears begin to well up, Santana wiped them away quickly. "They think I'm disgusting Santana, they can see my scars and they know what happened".

"They don't matter, everyone who does stands by you one hundred percent," she said firmly staring into teary chocolate brown eyes. "We don't pity you Rae-Rae, you need to understand that. We're sad and angry that you had and still are going through this, but we don't pity you. To us you're still the same Rachel Berry, McKinley's resident diva. You're the strongest person we know," Rachel smiled and nodded as they headed towards homeroom.

"So how was practice?" Rachel asked as they entered the room. Santana groaned.

"Don't even get me started on coach," and just like that the subject was changed to each girl's schedule for the upcoming weekend and how it could be changed so they could be together.

Later that day Rachel was walking with Brittany and Artie to their next class. Brittany and Rachel shared this one and Artie was right next-door. Before any of them had a chance to react or even blink, Rachel was covered in bright red slushie. Time seemed to stand still as Rachel felt the familiar ice-cold liquid hit her like an iceberg that came out of nowhere. The sting in her eyes was no big deal, she was used to that, it was the pain of the corn syrup dripping down onto the still healing burns on her back that was almost unbearable. Brittany and Artie immediately were at her side making sure she was okay. Kurt had come flying down the hall and was quickly and gently wiping the slushie from her eyes. Artie turned to the assailant, a senior Cheerio, who was known for her cruel bullying and homophobic tendencies.

"So Man-hands, it seems your own daddy couldn't even stand your ugly tranny face." she sneered making her followers snicker in response. Everyone else in the hall stood in shock, no one could actually believe this girl had the nerve to say that.

"Shut the hell up Lexi, you don't know anything about Rachel," Brittany snapped, her eyes showing her furry.

"I know that RuPaul over here is so pathetic that her own faggot daddy beat her and her other one had a heart attack at the sight of her ugly face," Lexi didn't even see it coming as the harsh slap stung her cheek leaving a well defined and well deserved handprint. Everyone stared in shocked at who had actually hit her.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that, she is more amazing then you could ever dream to be," Tina sneered still in the girls face. Lexi moved in to retaliate, but was stopped when she noticed a teacher rounding the corner making everyone scatter.

"This isn't over," she threatened before taking off with her loyal followers close behind.

The teacher ignored the obviously distressed group still remaining in the hall as she continued towards her class. Artie went ahead to class, throwing Rachel an apologetic look over his shoulder as Tina and Brittany ushered Rachel towards the girl's bathroom. Kurt looked back to find Mercedes standing there looking conflicted, she gave him a guilt filled look before walking towards her own class. Kurt shook his head before following her example knowing he could do nothing for Rachel right now.

Brittany and Rachel entered their class late with Rachel wearing an outfit completely different then what she showed up to school in. She was so thankful that she thought to bring an extra pair of her new clothes with her today. The very teacher who passed them in the hall stood in front with her eyes narrowed as they entered. She completely ignored Brittany as her gaze fixated on Rachel, a scowl written across her mousy looking face.

"Ms. Berry just because we must be sympathetic with you, does not mean you can be late to class. Your situation does not give you any special privileges, nor does it permit you to be tardy. You have my deepest sympathies, now please sit and stop interrupting my class," the teacher sneered with absolutely no consideration in her voice.

Everyone's mouth dropped at the nerve of the teacher. Some student's who followed Lexi began snickering in the background. Tears rolled down Rachel's cheeks as a sob escaped her lips, Brittany quickly pulled her friend close to her body in an attempt to comfort her.

"Ms. Thompson, can I see you in the hallway," an angry Mr. Schue said from the doorway with an equally angry looking Ms. Pillsbury.

"I'm in the middle of teaching a class," she argued.

"NOW!" the whole class jumped at the force behind the command as the teacher complied and followed the Spanish teacher out. The entire class sat completely still while the guidance councilor slowly approached Rachel who was trembling in Brittany's arms trying to hold back the sobs.

"Rachel, why don't we go to my office?" she suggested carefully, trying to get her to let go of Brittany but she only clung to the tall blonde tighter. The shouting could be heard from outside the classroom as Mr. Schue berated his co-worker for the way she had treated Rachel.

"Brittany can come with us if you want," she offered receiving only a nod as she led the two out of the room and quickly past the bickering teachers.

Once safely behind the doors of the closed office Rachel let the sobs overtake her body. Ms. Pillsbury quickly closed the curtains to her office so that students walking by wouldn't gawk at the crying girl.

"Rachel, I want to talk to you, but you need to calm down first," Emma tried, watching as Brittany tried her best to soothe the girl in her arms, trying not to cry herself.

"I want Tana..." was the simple muffled statement that came out in response.

"Who?" Emma questioned.

"Santana, she wants Santana Lopez," Brittany cleared up realizing the counselor didn't recognize the nickname that only Rachel was allowed to call the Latina. Emma quickly checked to see what class Santana was in and called the Latina to her office. Within minutes the cheerleader was at her door looking confused until she spotted Rachel. She rushed over and transferred the diva from Brittany's arms to her own. Rachel cried for a few minutes before she let the familiar spicy sent of Santana calm her.

"What happened Estrella?" she asked softly lifting the smaller girls chin to meet her eyes.

"Brittany and I were late to class because one of the Cheerios slushied me," Santana growled right away her muscles beginning to tighten in anger.

"Who?" she demanded looking straight at Brittany.

"Lexi Rolland."

"That bitch," she growled feeling Rachel's fingers begin to play with her own calming her immensely.

"Language Santana," Emma chastised but Santana paid her no mind as she encouraged Rachel to continue.

"She said some really mean things that made Tina slap her," Santana's eyes widened, before she smirked in approval. She would have to thank the Goth girl later.

"It took a while to get cleaned up because of my injuries. Britt and I got there pretty late, then the teacher said some really mean things as well," that was all she was going to get out of her and she knew it. She turned to Brittany and the blonde nodded letting her know she would explain what was said later. They spent the rest of last period in Ms. Pillsbury's office who called Kara Abrams at her office and left her a message explaining what had happened.

The three girls made their way to glee club, Santana threaded her fingers through Rachel's and smiled at the girl before giving her hand an encouraging squeeze and opening the door. Rachel's mouth dropped at the site before her. The glee club had hung up a sign that said 'Welcome back Rachel'. It was covered in glitter and gold stars and all the members of the glee club were lined up and smiling at her. Santana led her to a seat set up in the front of room and sat her down in it, before she and Brittany joined the rest of the group. Kurt stepped forward slightly.

"Rach, you are the heart and soul of this club. You keep us all in line and let us know when we're doing something wrong. You have been there for each and every one of us and none of us gave anything back. But that's all going to change now because now it's time for us to be here for you. We almost lost you and that honestly scared us. This is for you tiny diva," Kurt gave his speech, Rachel laughed at the cute nickname that described her perfectly.

The music began and she smiled as she began to recognize the song 'Count on Me' by Bruno Mars. She smiled as she realized the two main people singing were Santana and Puck. Her eyes stayed glued to Santana the whole time mesmerized by the Latina's beautiful voice. She tried to fight the feelings she had been fighting since Santana joined the glee club. But when Santana sang the next verse she was gone.

'You'll always have my shoulder when you cry

I'll never let go

Never say goodbye'

She felt her heart swell as she was so overcome with these feeling of adoration and love that she began to feel tears fall while smiling widely at Santana. Once they had finished Rachel clapped enthusiastically. Santana stepped forward and embraced her. No more words were said because nothing else was necessary.

* * *

><p>She was in Santana's car and the slightly older girl refused to tell her where they were going.<p>

"I should at least know so I can inform Kara to where I will be," Rachel tried to argue.

"Nope, already told Kara where I'll be taking you so sit back and stop asking because you ain't getting it out of me," Santana shot down her attempt while smirking.

"Ain't is not a word," Rachel grumbled, only earning a chuckle from Santana.

"You're adorable when you pout," Santana stated cooly and Rachel couldn't help the blush that crept onto her cheek and the butterflies that settled in her stomach just then.

They parked outside a wooded area, Rachel looked around confused and a little bit scared to as why they where here.

"Tana why are we by the woods? You're not going to get me lost and make me find my way back with bread crumbs are you?" she asked half jokingly, half serious.

"No you goof, just come one I want to show you something," she laughed as she led the tiny girl through the forest.

As they walked, Santana kept a tight hold on the diva's tiny hand so that she wouldn't actually get lost and because she liked the feeling. After about twenty minutes and constant questioning by Rachel they finally made it to their destination. Rachel mouth dropped and her eyes widened as she took in the shear beauty and peacefulness of the space. Santana had led her to a hidden river with an amazing waterfall. Their was a green grass surrounded the river and the water sparkled beautifully in the sunlight. Rachel looked at Santana amazed.

"Do you like it?" she asked smiling loving the reaction she was getting from the girl she decided to share this with.

"It so beautiful. How on earth did you did it, it's so far off the path? I didn't even know places like this existed in Lima" Rachel asked curiously continuing to look around the small but peaceful hide away.

"My brothers and I use to hike here all the time. One day I got into a fight with Julio and took off and I found this place. It was so peaceful and beautiful I didn't want to leave it behind. I marked my way so I would get lost as I went so the next time I went looking for it, it wasn't that difficult to find. I come here now all the time when I need some time to myself," Santana said shrugging. Sharing something so personal felt foreign but not wrong, especially when Rachel was the one she was sharing it with.

"I've never shared this place with anyone before, but I wanted to with you," she confessed as Rachel looked at her with a mixture of confusion and amazement.

"Thank you, I feel so honored. But I have to ask, why me?" she asked curiously cocking her head to the side.

"Because you're special. You're the most special and important person in my life. I wanted... no needed to share this place with you so that you understand how much you mean to me," Santana rambled nervously, Rachel stepped forward and place her hand on Santana cheek, who unconsciously leaned into the touch.

"I know Santana, the same goes for me as well. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here. Nobody could ever be as important to me as you are," Rachel reassured her thumb gently stroking a tanned cheek.

"No, you don't understand," she said looking straight into Rachel's eyes before taking a deep breath. She'd been debating over whether or not to tell the smaller girl how she felt about her. At first she had no idea what the strange feeling in her heart was until she sat down with her Mami and explained it. She realized that if she felt this strongly about Rachel then she had the right to know. She looked into chocolate brown eyes one last time before blurting out the words she was sure would change their relationship.

"Rachel, I love you."


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 11

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh!

* * *

><p>Rachel's breath stilled as her eyes bulged, she began to panic as her mind went straight to her farther.<p>

"You can't love me," she whispered. Santana looked at her confused before taking hold of her shoulders and staring deep into her huge brown eyes.

"I can, and I do. I love you Rachel, I've never felt this strongly for anyone in my entire life. I know it seems sudden but it's not to me, I've felt this way for a long time," Santana spoke quietly, but passionately.

Rachel heard every word and wanted to say them back so badly, but in the end her fear won out as she began struggling against Santana's grip. Santana easily held the struggling girl in place, more then a little alarmed by the diva's reaction.

"Rae-Rae calm down, Rachel please it's going to be okay. Just tell me what's wrong honey, tell me why you're so afraid," Santana said gently, forcing Rachel to look into her caring dark brown eyes. Rachel stopped struggling instantly, she could get lost forever in those eyes if she let herself.

"You better?" she asked and Rachel nodded. "Good now tell me what's bothering you," she encouraged.

Rachel sighed as she sat on the green grass by the river prompting Santana to do the same. Rachel stared out at the water as Santana stared at the diva studying her face carefully. This is not how she imagined declaring her love for Rachel would be.

"You can't love me Santana," she repeated her earlier statement making Santana shake her head.

"It doesn't work like that. You can't help who you fall in love with, and I know you at least find me attractive," she encouraged hoping she could get her to admit her feelings. She prayed she was right about this, she would be devastated if Rachel turned away from her. It stung when Brittany had rejected her and she wasn't even close to loving the blonde as much as she did Rachel.

"This can't happen, it can't happen Santana," she said still in a whisper the words strained as if she had to fight to get the words out.

"Why not?" the Latina exclaimed. "Look at me and tell me you don't have feelings for me and we can forget this ever happened," she challenged hoping Rachel wouldn't be able to do just that.

"I can't," Rachel confessed softly and Santana felt her heart explode at the admission. All she wanted to do now was take the girl in her arms and kiss her, but she restrained herself for Rachel's sake.

"That's why you can't love me. Because I can't resist you when I know you feel the same way," Santana quirked an eyebrow, that made absolutely no sense.

"Rachel this is a good thing. You don't have to resist me because I want you to, there's nothing to stop us. Everyone will support us," Santana smiled moving a piece of hair behind Rachel's ear before lifting her chin so that she could look at her. "Except maybe Finn," she said only half jokingly.

"No Santana it's not about that. It's okay for you to be to be gay because it's who you are. But it's not for me, I'm not allowed to be gay," Rachel confessed tears streaming down her face. Santana couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"You're allowed to be who you are. Which is an amazing caring women who just happens to like other women," Santana argued back trying to make her understand she meant every word.

"I was raised by two gay men. If I admit that I'm gay then I turn myself into a stereotype, I turn my fathers into a stereotype," that's when the realization overcame Santana, suddenly remember the conversation she overheard between Rachel and her farther at sectionals.

"This is about your dad isn't it?" she questioned carefully, Rachel nodded slowly.

"Don't let him control your life Rachel. He lied to you, you're not a stereotype. Who you're raised by doesn't depict who you fall in love with. Even if you were raised by two women or by a women and a man, you would still be you. You're Rachel Barbra Berry, don't give him that control Rach, don't let him win," Santana said desperate for Rachel to understand.

This wasn't about wanting to be with Rachel anymore. This was about the little diva realizing that it's okay for her to be happy with whom she truly loves. Rachel bit her lip and nodded, Santana sighed in relief that she at least broke through the top barriers of the singer's defenses.

"I've known that I like girls and not boys for a long time now. But when my dad caught me looking at girls he beat me and said he wouldn't let me turn him and daddy into a stereotype. He made me promise to only date boys. I think he only forced me date them because he knew it would never turn into anything serious. He knew I could never be happy with any of them."

Rachel felt like a weight was lifted off her as she said everything out loud for the first time. She had been lying to everyone and herself about who she really was just to please her abusive and manipulative farther. She felt Santana rubbing her back in comfort and she honestly never felt more at home, safe and loved since her daddy died.

"I want to be with you Santana. I really do," she confessed after a few minutes.

"Then be with me, you already know I want the same," Santana pleaded not understanding why Rachel was still resisting.

"I'm broken Tana, I'm still trying to adjust. I'm not even sure of who I am anymore," Rachel said sadly taking in a deep breath.

"You're Rachel Barbra Berry, that's who you are. You're loud, obsessed with musicals, and you're going to be a star. Don't let him take those away from you, you're still Rachel, you just need to find yourself again," Santana explained making sure every word she said was clear so that Rachel understood. "And I want to be there to help you do just that," Rachel almost cracked just by the desperation in Santana's voice.

"I can't do this to you San, you deserve so much more than me, I can't offer you anything. You deserve more. Someone who isn't bruised and scarred, someone who doesn't have a panic attack every time a door slams," Rachel said pulling away from her trying to stay strong. She meant what she said, she didn't want to burden Santana anymore then she already had. Santana deserved someone who wasn't an emotional basket case like she was.

"I don't care about any of that. I will hold you every time you panic, and I will kiss every single scar on your body. I deserve to be happy and you make me happier then I have ever been," Santana declared slowly approaching the smaller girl and wrapping strong tanned arms around her from behind. Rachel shook in her arms as she tried to hold back the sobs. "You deserve to be happy as well, stop pushing me away. Stop trying to punish yourself," Santana whispered close to her ear. Rachel felt a chill run down her spine as the warm breath hit her cooled skin. The sobs broke free at that moment and Santana held onto her tighter, saying nothing. She knew the tiny diva needed to cry this out, all she needed was Santana's touch to know she was there.

"I do love you, Santana," Rachel confessed feeling her Latina's arms tighten even more around. She felt the brightest smile against her ear, the corners of the darker girl's lips brushing against her cheek. "But I don't know if I can handle a relationship right now," she told her carefully turning around in her arms to look at her face. The smile was still there, brighter than ever.

"It's okay, we'll take things very slow. We don't even have to put a label on it right now. Knowing you love me back is enough for now," Santana told her sincerely, stroking her tear stained cheek with great affection.

"But I want to be with you. Life's too short to wait to be with the person you love. I'm just terrified I won't be able to handle it right now," she chocked out looking desperately at Santana for an answer.

"Shh, it's okay. We can be together, but I won't push you for anything that you're not ready for okay?" Santana asked as Rachel nodded finding that to be a good compromise. "So Rachel Barbra Berry, would you do me the amazing honor of being my super hot girlfriend?" Santana smirked.

Santana looked up at her with a raised eyebrow and she thought for sure she was in for a lecture, but she was surprised when Rachel just burst out laughing and tackled her, causing Santana to lose her balance, making her trip and tumble to the ground accidentally pulling Rachel on top of her. They stilled for a moment, just content to stare into each others eyes forever.

"Of course I will be your super hot girlfriend," Rachel said with a smile. Santana smiled as well pushing some hair behind Rachel's ear that was tickling her nose.

Santana gently pushed Rachel off her and stood up before helping the smaller girl up as well. She took her hand as they began to make their way back to the car.

"So you didn't really tell Kara where we were right? Because I kind of like this spot being a secret," Rachel asked shyly.

"Nah, I told her I was taking you some place that was private and special to me because I had something really important to talk to you about. She didn't ask for anything more after that," Santana explained shaking her head at how Rachel swung their joined hands back and forth. Her girl was too adorable. Her smile grew wider, threatening to split her face, she had finally gotten her girl.

"Kara's amazing," Rachel expressed as they reached the car both climbing into the respective seats.

"That she is babe, that she is," Santana replied as they drove back to the city part of Lima.

* * *

><p>Santana's palms got sweaty and nerves began to overtake her body. They were about to tell Santana's parents and Rachel's foster parent's about their relationship. Santana had never been more nervous is her entire life. Rachel seemed to notice as she reached over and squeezed the Latina's hand silently giving her the strength she needed as the entered the Lopez's home where they found both set of parents waiting for them in the living room. They greeted the girls with bright smiles and tight hugs, happy to see them together and happy. Kara smirked at the girls as if she already knew what this was about, she'd suspected something more than friendship between the two.<p>

"Alright Mija, what is it they you two wanted to talk to us about?" Maria asked always one to cut right to the chase, something Santana had inherited from her.

"Well you see Rachel and I we're well... we're..." Santana stumbled over her words trying to find the easiest way to tell them. She'd never been one to stumble, she was always confident and sure of what she was going to say. She was a badass, and badasses didn't stumble.

"You're what San? Did something happen, Rachel you didn't re-injure yourself did you?" Armando asked quickly going straight into doctor mode fearing the worst. He knew that as soon as the girls had entered the room with bright smiles that something had changed, but he also understood the severity of Rachel's situation and how long it would take her to recover.

"No, no Dr. Lopez nothing like that. What Santana is trying to say is that we're... well we're..." Rachel tried and got the same result as Santana. She couldn't quite figure out how articulate herself on this subject. Three of the adults stared at them confused while Kara simply shook her head in amusement.

"Oh for heaven's sake girls, just tell us you're together," Kara deadpanned. Santana and Rachel's eyes went wide in fear. The other adults in the room furrowed their brows and widened their eyes in shock.

"Well yes, what Kara said is true. Santana and I have declared our love for each other and have decided to form a romantic relationship more than friendship with each other," Rachel explained finally finding her voice, squeezing Santana's hand a little tighter, feeling the girl tense in worry of how the other three would react. It was obvious that Kara didn't mind and seemed to already know.

Armando smiled and congratulated the girls making Santana visibly relax before turning to the remaining adults. Maria and Tim stared at the two still unsure of how they should react to this news. After a brief moment of silence, Tim spoke up.

"Are you sure you're ready for a relationship, Rachel? You've only been out of you're father's house for two weeks." Rachel stiffened at the mention of her father, Santana glared at the man for even daring to bring that bastard up.

"While I know I am not completely healed emotionally, I've made my decision based on the recent news given to me. Life is too short to not be with whom you love and I am in love with Santana," Rachel explained bearing her heart to the four adults who have been there for her since she had been admitted to the hospital.

"I know I will never emotionally recover completely, I will always have these fears and insecurities because of him, but Santana and as well as all of you, have been encouraging me to not let him control my life. Both Santana and I have discussed this and we've decided to take this very slowly. Neither of us will do anything we're not ready for and we will be completely honest with one another when we feel uncomfortable," all the adults stared at Rachel in shock at how mature the girls were approaching this. Not even Kara expected that.

"Well girls, let me just say that I am extremely happy you have finally been honest with each other about your feelings," Kara started, laughing at the girls faces they were obviously surprised she had noticed their feelings towards each other. "I know you both are taking this slow, but when you are in each others rooms the doors stay open," she said sternly causing Santana to chuckle and blush, wrapping her arm around a blushing Rachel.

"Mija, are you sure you're ready for this?" Maria asked carefully causing her daughter to look at her confused.

"I mean it's going to be hard for both of you. You're in a lesbian relationship in Lima, Ohio and Rachel has a lot going on already. Are you both sure you can handle the extra attention that will be given towards you?" the older Latina asked, she was really just concerned for both girls. She honestly had no objections to the relationship between the two and was actually ecstatic about it. She just wanted to be sure they both understood what will happen and that they weren't jumping into this too quickly.

"I know exactly what will happen, Mami, and so does Rachel. But as long as we have each other nothing else matters. It hurts more to be apart then any name or slushie those bigots could throw," Maria nodded at her daughter now convinced the girls had made the right decision. Rachel stared up at her girlfriend in amazement and adoration, she couldn't get any more perfect.

"Well, welcome to the family Rachel!," Maria said affectionately and took a step to hug the girl, but before she could a flash ran pass her and flung himself towards Rachel's waist.

The diva looked down to find Tony, Santana's little brother wrapped tightly around her midsection. The twelve-year-old had become quite attached to Rachel over the past two weeks. Whenever she was over he was always trying to steal her attention away from Santana. The older Lopez was almost certain her little brother had a crush on her girl. At least he had good taste was all Santana could think to herself.

"I'm so glad you're apart of our family now Rachie," Tony smiled up at her. He honestly wasn't much smaller then her, in fact he was almost up to her exact height. Rachel smiled, extremely happy that Santana's family accepted her as one of them, when she and Santana hadn't even been dating for two hours yet.

"Antonio Javier Lopez! Were you eavesdropping again?" Maria scolded her youngest son who looked at her with a huge smile.

"Go to your room Mijo, we'll talk about this later," Tony looked at Rachel giving her a single fake rose while blushing, before disappearing back up the stairs. Everyone's mouth dropped in shock, no one had noticed he was holding it that whole time.

"I think my little brother may be trying to steal you away from me," Santana said half jokingly pulling Rachel closer to her. "I might have to watch my back, it seems the little dude has some game" she laughed.

"Well he and anyone else can try all they want, but they won't get anywhere, because you're all I ever want or need," the girls smiled at one another completely forgetting the adults were in the room with them. It didn't matter anyway, they only stared in awe at the pair before finally exiting the room to leave them alone.

* * *

><p>The next day at school Rachel and Santana walked together, hand and hand. They felt like they could take on anything as long as they were together. They stopped at Santana's locker first and then at Rachel's locker. Santana leaned against the locker next to the diva's as she waited for her girl to get her books. Without saying a word Santana took the books from the smaller hand smiled at the girl as they walked towards their homeroom.<p>

"Tana?" Rachel asked as they settled into their seats in the back row.

"Hmm?" Santana acknowledged that she had heard her without looking up from the homework she didn't complete last night.

"I know you said that you're not afraid of what the school's population will think of our relationship. But we didn't really get a chance to talk about it last night and I just want to be clear, do you want to be out at school?" Rachel asked gaining Santana's full attention now.

"Rae-Rae we walked in this morning holding hands and I carried your books to homeroom. I think that speaks for itself that I want to be out. I don't want to hide how much I love you baby," Santana told her sweetly, Rachel blushed slightly. Santana licked her lips, God did she love it when that girl blushed, she loved how pink her cheeks got and how it would sometimes spread so far it reached her cleavage.

"Where's this coming from?" she asked curiously and a bit concerned.

"It's just that I know you have a reputation to maintain, and with me being at the bottom of the social ladder I don't want to mess that up for you. You worked so hard to get where you are," Rachel told her honestly concerned that her girlfriend would lose the status that meant so much to her.

"Babe not even coming out as a lesbian could hurt my rep, there's no way being with you could ever do that. Even if it did, I don't care I'm done with all the superficial bitches in this school," Rachel smiled as long as her girlfriend was sure then she was happy to be out. She was so tired of hiding herself.

"I just needed to make sure," Rachel told her. "This is a two way relationship, I want you to be completely comfortable and have everything that makes you happy. The Cheerio's and being on top make you happy," Santana smiled at her placing her hand on the girl's cheek, stroking it gently with her thumb.

"All I need is you and I'm the happiest girl in the world," Rachel grinned and leaned in as if she was about to kiss the Latina. Santana moved closer, their lips just about to touch but quickly moved away from one another when a loud familiar voice interrupted them.

"Holy hell, please tell me you two were going to kiss," Puck pleaded making Santana to growl, causing the Jewish boy to back up slightly.

"If you had just kept your mouth shut Puckerman, I would be getting my mack on with my girl," Santana said wishing more then anything Puck hadn't interrupted. She wanted more then anything to taste those amazing lips for the first time.

"Santana don't be so crass," Rachel scolded, though in her head she was thinking the same thing as Santana.

"When the hell did she become your girl and why didn't you tell me?" he whined, sounding like a five year old who was left out of a secret.

"It only happened yesterday Noah, and the only people we have told so far are Santana's parents and my foster parents," Rachel informed him

"So does Wheel's know then?" he asked sitting down in the desk in front of Rachel, turning around to face the pair. Santana looked at her curiously, she had forgotten that her and Artie where living under the same roof.

"I wish you to would stop calling him that," she defended her foster brother while shaking her head. "But no he doesn't know yet. I asked Kara and Tim to keep it quiet until we tell him with the rest of glee club later this afternoon, where you were suppose to find out," she explained.

"Well if you two keep acting the way you were when I walked in, everyone will know. I'm pretty sure most of the Gleeks will know by lunch," Puck warned them. He knew the glee club would be upset about not hearing it from them and some, well really just one Finn Hudson will have a major problem with it.

Santana and Rachel knew he was right, they need to keep it on the down low for today until glee. Their friends deserved to hear it from them, they didn't want them to think they were trying to hide this from them, so they asked Puck to keep it to himself and he promised he would. Little did they know someone else had entered behind Puck and had eavesdropped on their hushed conversation.

Throughout the rest of the day Rachel and Santana were really careful about how they acted around each other. Sure they held hands, but honestly that wasn't really any different from what they had done when they were just friends. So when glee rolled around they really didn't understand the glares they got when they entered the choir room that afternoon. Sure they were the last ones there besides Puck, Finn and Mr. Schue, much to Rachel's dislike, but it's not like they were late.

"Whoa okay what's that the evil looks?" Santana asked sitting down with Rachel in the back row. She looked over to Brittany who had this hurt look on her face.

"Britts, what's wrong?" she asked concerned completely forgetting about the glares still on her and Rachel.

"Did you guys not tell me because you were afraid Lord Tubbington would read it in my diary and then tell everyone? I swear wouldn't have wrote it down if you where afraid of that," Brittany pouted. Rachel and Santana looked at her completely confused. What the hell was she talking about? Before she could answer Finn stormed into the choir room, looking extremely pissed.

"How the hell could you do this to me?" he asked stepping right into Rachel's space. The tiny singer looked up at him with wide eyes.

"You better back yourself up Gigantor before I back you up myself," Santana said threateningly, not liking the way Rachel's breathing picked up as he stood over her intimidatingly. Finn huffed but did as he was told noticing Rachel's fear.

"How could you do this to me Rach? Are you doing this just to hurt me?" he asked seeming desperate for the answer.

"Finn, I don't know what you're talking about," Rachel said sincerely.

"I'm talking about the rumor going around that your shacking up with Slut-tana over there," he said angrily. Rachel's soft gaze suddenly grew hard as she shot out of her seat and got into Finn's face the best she could at her size.

"Don't you ever talk about my girlfriend like that again Finn Hudson," she said in a way that chilled everyone to the bone. Santana just couldn't help but find her girlfriend hot when she was angry. Scary but hot. Finn stumbled for a few seconds unsure where this Rachel had come from, but he finally collected himself and looked at her with his best puppy dog face which really only looked like he was trying to pass gas.

"But you love me Rachel, and I love you. You're not even gay I know your only with Santana because you want to get me to notice you," he stated and Santana rolled her eyes at his giant ego.

"Please Finnessa, don't flatter yourself. She moved on from you a long time ago. In fact she was never really into your freakishly gigantic flubbery manboy body." Santana said confidently not even fazed by the warning glare Rachel sent her way. If he didn't want to play nice then neither would she.

"Santana you stay out of this," he stomped his foot as if he was having a temper tantrum, causing her to raise an eyebrow at him. He seriously wasn't helping to get rid of the man-child nickname he earned.

"Rachel I know it's not true, I know you love me. Please you got my attention, you don't need to do this anymore. We can be together again and be happy now that your dad isn't controlling you anymore and causing you to make bad decisions," everyone in the room stilled. Not believing he had the nerve of bringing up her father. They had all steered clear of that subject with Rachel, knowing that Rachel will bring it up when she's ready.

"Don't you dare even pretend like you know anything that went on with my father, Finn. The truth is I was only with you to please him because he told me I wasn't allowed to be gay. I cared about you a lot, and even tried to love you," Rachel could see the hurt on her ex-boyfriends face and felt awful for hurting him like this, but he deserved to know.

"But I couldn't because I am gay, I love Santana, Finn, and I know this is hard for you to hear but you deserve the truth. You can either support us or quietly disagree, but you cannot change this. I will always love you, but not in the way you want, I'm sorry."

Rachel felt Santana's hand on her shoulder giving her the support she desperately needed right now. She hated hurting people, but he needed to understand nothing could happen between them anymore. Finn shook his head refusing to believe this, he stormed over and kicked a chair making Rachel jump back into Santana trying to break free. Santana's gentle hand ran up and down her arm, calming her quickly.

"I'm not giving up on us," Finn promised before storming out of the choir room, nearly knocking over Puck who enter confused.

"What wrong with him?" he asked. Santana glared at him.

"You promised us you would keep this to yourself Puckerman," Santana sneered causing Puck to hold his hands up in surrender.

"I swear I didn't tell anyone, someone must have overheard us talking this morning," Puck defended himself. Santana relaxed slightly, knowing Puck wasn't one to go back on his word. He was most likely correct have walked in without them knowing and overheard. They weren't exactly having the conversation in a private setting.

"Wait Puck knew before us?" Quinn asked angrily. Yes, she could understand Rachel and Santana keeping it to themselves, but to tell Puck and not her and Britt? Well that was just cold.

"Okay look all of you shut up and stay quiet while we explain," Santana demanded and everyone quickly followed her direction most just to curious to disobey in fear that she'd refuse to tell them.

"Yes me and Rachel are together, it happened yesterday after school. We we're going to tell all of you together during glee but apparently people in the school don't know how to mind their own fucking business," Santana began to explain noticing Quinn wanted to say something she quickly added.

"Puck only knows because he caught us this morning almost kissing." Quinn nodded in understanding this time. "And it would have happened if he had minded his own business," Santana mumbled under her breath earning an elbow from Rachel but she could tell the diva was trying to hide a chuckle. Santana sighed in relief. She had been worried that Finn little tirade had frightened the poor girl, reminding her of the abuse she endured with her father.

"He promised to keep it to himself until we could inform the rest of you, because as our teammates, we thought you deserved to know first. He also reminded us to keep the PDA to a minimum until this time came," Rachel took over explaining.

"So the point is, Rach and I are together and that's not going to change. You can either support us or keep your opinions to yourselves because Pezberry is here to stay bitches," Santana told them making everyone nod, and Rachel to roll her eye's at her girlfriends crude speech.

"Pezberry?" Rachel asked.

"Yea babe, it's our mash up name," Santana said with a smirk. "Pretty badass right?"

"I like it," Rachel smiled fondly at her.

Suddenly Artie rolled up to Santana. He stared up at her with a serious expression as Santana looked down at him with a quirked eyebrow waiting for him to speak.

"I know Rachel has only been my foster sister for a few weeks, but she's still my sister and if you hurt her you'll have to deal with me," he told her confidently squaring his shoulders. Santana cocked her head to the side before nodding at him approvingly. Rachel felt her eyes begin to mist at Artie's declaration.

"You don't got to worry Wheels, I would never purposely hurt my girl. If I do I want you to carry out that threat in full," she told him, Artie backed down satisfied with that answer.

Mr. Schue entered then and looked around at the group confused, obviously searching for his golden boy.

"What's going on guys?" he asked. "Where's Finn?"

"Rae and Santana were just telling us that they're together," Brittany said happily jumping up and embracing the two in a giant hug.

"Well that's... great guys. But Rachel isn't it a little soon after…you know everything?" he asked and Rachel sighed.

"Santana and I talked about that Mr. Schue and we have decided it is better to be together then to be apart. We're absolutely miserable without each other so we decided to spare ourselves and become a couple. We have also talked to Santana's parents and the Abrams' and after a long discussion they agreed with us," Rachel explained with a tone that told him that there would be no further discussion on this matter.

"Okay, this is great, but where's Finn?" he asked again and Santana scoffed of course he would ask for the overgrown child.

"He unfortunately did not take the news of my and Santana relationship well, and after some yelling on both parts he kicked over a chair and left the room," Rachel told him. Santana rolled her eyes at Mr. Schue's concerned face.

"Well shouldn't one of us go after him to see if he's okay?" Rachel shook her head at the teacher.

"I don't believe that would be wise right now. He made it clear he does not support our relationship and called Santana a very inappropriate name," Rachel huffed getting angry again at the nerve Finn had to even utter that name, feeling her girlfriend wrap her arms around her as she instantly calmed.

"Well he loved you Rachel and this is kind of sudden. It's really hard for him," Mr. Schue tried to defend his male star, but he only succeeded in making most of the group angry.

"Don't you think this has been harder on Rachel, Mr. Schue?" Puck challenged.

"No, of course I know things have been very hard on Rachel but..." he tried to explain himself but was cut off again by another angry glee member.

"But nothing, Rachel has been through things she should have never had to deal with. Now she finally finds something good and Finn just wants to mess that up for his own selfish reasons. Rachel was completely honest and polite with him, because she felt she deserved that and she does still care about him as a friend. Sure he has the right to be hurt right now, but he had no right to insult Santana like that and storm out of here like someone stole his favorite toy. Rachel is not a toy for him to just pick up and leave when he's done with her, she's a person," everyone stared in shock as the normally quiet Mike spoke his mind and tightened his arms around his own girlfriend, who smiled up at him lovingly and kissed his cheek.

"Um... okay right... Why don't we cancel practice for today so that everyone can cool down," no one protested, not even Rachel. Santana looked over at her concerned, she thought for sure the girl would insist on practicing for regionals today. But when the shorter girl shot her a smile and took her hand she calmed considerably. They hugged their friends before heading towards the parking lot and to Santana's car.

* * *

><p>"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" Santana asked once they were safely in the car. Rachel nodded.<p>

"Can we go the river?" she asked quietly not looking up.

"Yeah, of course," she agreed putting the car into drive heading towards the familiar forest.

Once they got there, Rachel sat by the edge staring out to at the flowing water finding the sound of the waterfall comforting her. Santana sat next her closely, wrapping her arm securely around small shoulders. She smiled when Rachel's head fell to her shoulder as she place her own head on top of Rachel's.

"I never wanted to hurt him the way I did," she confessed after a few moments. Santana sighed, right now she could careless about Finn the Giant's feelings, but Rachel still cared for him so she would be supportive.

"I know baby, but he needed to hear it. It would have been more cruel to leave him in the dark," she reassured rubbing her fingers up and down the smaller girls arm.

"But I used him. I knew I could never have feelings for him that way, but I used him anyway," Rachel sniffed. There it was, the big reason Rachel was upset. Her father had told her for so long that she was selfish and because of that her daddy died. She tried for so long to ignore him, but every time she did something remotely selfish, she found herself believing him more and more.

"Rachel you tried to love him but you couldn't. You did what you needed to do to survive. If he doesn't understand that then he's denser then we all thought," she pulling her closer. "You can't help what the heart wants, he'll move on baby girl, and when he does if he's matured enough maybe you'll be able to salvage your friendship."

"Do you really think so?" Rachel asked weakly.

"Yeah, I do. You did nothing wrong today Rachel, you handled it perfectly, he's the one that was wrong," Santana said smiling in relief when Rachel sighed contently and snuggled in closer.

"I really do love you Tana," Rachel said pulling away slightly to look at the beautiful face of her girlfriend.

"I love you too," Santana replied with great affection.

They slowly started to move closer without even realizing it. Their lips hovered over one another for a mere second before finally connecting for the first time. They both felt like they were in heaven as the began kissing slowly, their lips massaging each others tenderly. Santana was careful, not wanting to push Rachel any farther then she was comfortable. She soon found out Rachel had other plans as she wrapped a tiny hand around Santana's neck softly to deepen the kiss. Brushing her tongue across Santana's full lips, she begged for entrance, which the taller girl willing gave. Their tongue's danced with one another as there was no fight for dominance, they were both simply enjoying each other and exploring the new found territories with their tongues. Santana moved her hand to cup Rachel cheek as they slowly pulled away, both sets of eyes still closed. They pressed their foreheads together, opening their eyes to stare lovingly into their lust filled depths. They sighed contently, neither had ever felt more at home then they did in that moment.


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 12

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh! Warning: This chapter contains a spoiler to the musical RENT.

* * *

><p>"I just don't understand why you can't be my therapist," Rachel started while staring up at the large office building in front of her and Kara.<p>

"I mean you are a psychologist correct?" Kara nodded "And you specialize in my type of situation, that is social services agreed to allow me to be placed with you correct?" Again Kara nodded waiting for Rachel to get all her questions out before she answered even though she knew exactly where she was going with this.

"Then why can't you be my psychiatrist, instead of this person who doesn't know me?" Rachel whined. She didn't like the idea of telling all her problems to a total stranger. She'd much rather just move on from the whole thing, but Kara insisted she needed to talk to someone. She just didn't understand why that someone couldn't be Kara.

"I already told you Rachel, it's because I'm your foster mother. I am to close to you, I'm already too emotionally involved. I see you as my daughter now," Kara explained slowly, watching as Rachel bit her lip in frustration. "You need someone who you can go to tell things to, you wouldn't be comfortable telling the person you live with," the older woman sighed, realizing she wasn't making progress with her daughter.

"But I have Santana, I could go to her. Or Quinn and Puck, Brittany is too innocent to tell these things to, but she's still great at comforting without knowing why," the diva argued.

"They're not qualified to help you work through these problems Rach. Anyway I think you will find it easier to tell a stranger the harder stuff then the ones you're close to," Rachel nodded in defeat knowing she was right.

They entered the building and quickly found the small psychologist office. Rachel fumbled with her fingers nervously, only looking up when her name was called. She entered the small office and sat down staring at the tall slender woman who seemed to be waiting for her to speak.

"So what's your name?" Rachel asked the silence eating her alive.

"Dr. Jill Cordell," she answered smiling. Another awkward silence followed as Rachel glanced around the room trying to look anywhere but at the psychiatrist.

"Aren't you suppose to ask me questions or something?" The diva asked, getting annoyed. She just wanted her to ask her questions and get this over with. The time was only going to go by slower if they sat there doing nothing.

"Well, this is your session. You control what goes on in here. I'm not going to make you talk about anything your not ready to talk about," she told her with a soft smile. Rachel shifted nervously, she honestly didn't even know where to begin.

"Do you have a family?" Rachel asked the first thing that came to her mind.

"Yes, I'm very close to my mother and I have a fiancé, his name is Daryl," she answered smiling while sitting up a little straighter and holding the pencil to the pad of paper in her hand, ready to write at any moment.

"I'm glade you have someone, everyone deserves someone to love them and spend the rest of their life with," Rachel smiled causing Jill to smile back.

"Do you have anyone like that?" Dr. Cordell asked curiously, the far away glance that Rachel gave, telling her she was thinking of someone.

"Uh . . .Yeah my girlfriend Santana," she answered carefully unsure how the women would react to her patient being in a relationship with another woman. She knew how many people in this town felt about that subject, she'd had two caring fathers at one point in her life.

"That's great," she smiled at her reassuringly not even a hint of disgust in her voice. Rachel relaxed considerably. "Tell me about her," she coaxed the small girl.

"She amazing, she's beautiful and a cheerleader. She's in glee with me and her voice is absolutely outstanding. If it was the only thing I could hear for the rest of my life, I would be okay with that," she said her eyes going distant at the thoughts of her girlfriend. "If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be alive," she said without even realizing how she was segueing into the topic of her farther.

"Really? Why is that?," Jill asked seeing the opening that was presented to her.

"She noticed something was wrong, and she kept trying to figure out what it was without pushing me. The night I ended up in the hospital I called Santana and she came and got me. She had no idea what was wrong, but she came to get me anyway. No one would have ever done that for me. He always told me I would never be special enough for anyone," Rachel said, the smile slowly fading from her face as she began talking about the night that has haunted her every minute of everyday.

"You have so many people now who would Rachel," Jill began to reassure once she was done writing in her pad. "You have Santana like you said and, Kara and Tim care about you greatly. Kara actually trained me and I can tell she would die for you already. Your farther was so wrong about you because you are so special to many. He's the one with the problem not you."

Rachel sat there and just absorbed everything Jill was telling her. She did have a lot of people who seemed to care now. The Abrams', Santana, Puck, Quinn, Brittany, and now it seemed like most of the glee club was on her side. She was so afraid though that most of this was just out of guilt, and that once enough time had past they would all go back to the way it was before. After all it was only a matter of time before she screwed it all up anyway.

"Why don't you tell me about glee club?" Jill broke her out of her thoughts, causing Rachel to smile as she began rambling on about regionals and her dream of making it on Broadway. Jill sat, listening to every word Rachel spoke and before she knew it, their time was up and Rachel let out a sigh of relief, it wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be.

"Now remember Rachel, you can call me anytime you need to talk. Here's my card if you need me and if you can't get me on my office phone and it's an emergency use the number on the back it's my cell number," Rachel took the card with her mouth hanging open. She couldn't believe her therapist would care about her so much that she was giving her, her personal number. She thanked her before following Kara out of the building.

Kara dropped Rachel off at the Lima Bean, where she quickly found Santana, Quinn and Brittany waiting for her. Santana's right leg was shaking, a nervous tick she had developed when her girlfriend wasn't around. Once she saw Rachel, she shot up from her chair and engulfed her in a hug. She led her to the chair beside her, handing her a medium cup of hot chocolate.

"Don't worry it's completely vegan," Santana assured her, kissing her temple lovingly.

Rachel smiled, not once has Santana forgotten that she was vegan or tried to change that fact, unlike Finn Hudson.

"Thanks baby," Rachel accepted the hot beverage, before leaning in for a quick kiss. Brittany smiled at the adorable pair, while Quinn rolled her eyes because honestly they were too cute sometimes. Quinn wondered if Santana realized how whipped and unbadass she was when Rachel was around. She probably didn't and Quinn sure wasn't going to inform her because as soon as Rachel left Snix was bound to come at her. She quickly realized she liked the nicer side of Santana a lot better and if that meant she had to listen to Rachel ramble on about Broadway until her ears bled then she'd do it.

"So how was it? She was nice to you right? She didn't force you to talk about anything you didn't want to? Because if she did I'm gonna go all Lima Heights on her ass," Santana rambled causing the others to laugh lightly at her which in turn earned them a glare.

"Tana, you're hanging around me way to much. You're rambling," Rachel chuckled. Santana blushed slightly.

"There's no such thing as being around you too much," she told her kissing her cheek. "If anything, I don't see you enough."

She went to move away but Rachel pulled her back in for a longer deeper kiss. Quinn and Brittany rolled their eyes at the pair. Brittany muttering "Young love," in the process. An older pair walked by and stopped just to openly stare at the young couple in disgust. Quinn noticed and put on her best HBIC glare.

"Move along creepers," she snarled, Santana hearing this pulled away from her girlfriend and glared at the pair as well until they finally relented and walked away.

"Assholes," Quinn muttered before turning back to the group. Quickly going back to the topic at hand.

"So tell us how it went Rach?" The blonde asked snapping the smaller brunette out of the trance she had fallen into.

"It actually went very well," she told them happily. "She's very nice, and allows me to talk about whatever I want. She will only ask questions on certain subjects if I bring them up first. She also gave me her personal number in case I ever need to get a hold of her in an emergency," she said fingering the card in her coat pocket just to make sure she didn't loose it. Brittany looked at Rachel confused.

"What kind of emergency would you need to call her for?" The tall dancer asked innocently cocking her head to the side as she tried to figure it out herself.

All three paused, not really wanting to get into specifics with the sweet blonde. Santana felt herself shutter at the thought of what those emergencies could be. Rachel took the Latina's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Santana smiled and squeezed back.

"It's for if I'm really sad and I really need someone to help me work through the problem, so I won't be sad anymore," Rachel explained slowly, expertly avoiding any specific examples.

"I don't like it when you're sad, it makes me sad too," Brittany pouted as they all smiled at her sweetly.

"It makes us all sad B, that's why we're all going to help out to make sure she isn't sad anymore," Quinn told her gently, rubbing small circles on the upset girl's back.

Brittany gave a nod in response. She didn't like when any of her friends were sad, but when Rachel was sad it seemed to just take the unicorn right out of all of everyone.

"Well, well RuPaul you're finally seeing a shrink," Lexi strolled up to the group.

"How the hell did you know that?" Quinn snapped.

She, Santana and Brittany were way above her on the pyramid. If she thought she could just act like she was Queen Bee she was sadly mistaken.

"Oh, I have my ways Fabray," Lexi sneered as her follower joined her with a cocky smirked plastered on her face.

"I see the shrink hasn't been able to cure the dyke out of you Yentle," Lexi's little minion sneered gesturing towards the joined hands of Santana and Rachel. Santana let out a low dangerous growl.

"Then again she does look so much like a guy, I guess we can consider her straight," Lexi and her secondary laughed not even seeing Santana pounce until she was in their faces.

Lexi took a step back in surprise, fear now evident in her eyes. Brittany had a hold of her waist holding her back as Rachel tugged on her arm pleading with her to just let it go. Her hands began to tighten in to a fist, her nails threatening to break the skin as it continued to tighten and shake in furry. Quinn stepped in between Santana and Lexi, knowing Santana was not in the right frame of mind to verbally threaten without being physically violent. As much as she wanted to let the Latina lash out she knew it would just upset Rachel and Brittany.

"Listen here bitch, you're not in charge. You make one more rude comment to either of them, not only will I let Santana tear your ass apart, I will make sure you're dropped from the Cheerio's so fast, you won't even have time to catch yourself," she threatened.

Lexi knew it could happen and she had the decency enough to look mildly frightened. But she wouldn't let that stop her, she was going to take their power from them and then she would be HBIC.

"Just try Slutbray. Let's face it, ever since you got yourself knocked up you have lost some major respect at that school. This stupid blonde over here only became popular because she put out, but now she's dating the cripple she's on her way down," Rachel felt herself start to shake with furry, it was one thing to insult her but not the people she cared about, it was just did not sit well with her.

"And last but not least, we have you" she said, jabbing her finger into Santana's chest. Ever since you came out as a dyke people have been questioning you, but now that you're a dyke with the schools biggest freak, there is no way you three will remain on top," Lexi sneered and Rachel snapped letting go of Santana and rushed over to Lexi and slapped her across the face. The evil cheerleader stood there stunned, this was the second gleek who slapped her and it was not acceptable.

"You can insult me all you want but do not insult my friends and never call my girlfriend those horrible ignorant names ever again. Santana, Quinn, and Brittany will always be more popular then you and that's because they have something you'll never have, a soul," Rachel growled out still in her blind rage.

Santana, Quinn, and Brittany stared at the smaller girl in shock. They had never seen Rachel this angry before. Of course they've seen her throw diva fits and tantrums, but this was different, this was genuine rage. Santana would be extremely proud of her girlfriend for being so badass if she wasn't so concerned. This just wasn't like her Rachel. Brittany was actually tearing up, she hated violence and she had learned how to deal with it when Santana was violent, but she couldn't handle her sweet caring Rachel being violent.

"You just signed your own death certificate, Berry," Lexi spat before leaving with her minion trailing behind her, too shocked to retaliate at that moment.

The adrenaline left Rachel's body as her shoulders sagged and her lower lip began to tremble. Santana stepped beside her carefully pulling her into her arms, as the girl broke down. They moved back to their chairs as Quinn and Brittany glared at the people that were staring at them causing them to quickly turn away. They were lucky no one who worked here saw the argument, which most likely would have gotten them kicked out.

"Hey, Estrella it's okay, I won't let her anywhere near you. Everything she said was a lie we know this, you should too," Santana tried to console the crying girl. She was surprised by her normally non-violent girlfriend's action, but the bitch got what was coming to her.

"No. I do know that, but I'm a horrible person," she sobbed out. Santana looked over at Quinn and Brittany with a concerned expression, trying to see if they understood what Rachel was talking about. Neither seemed to have a clue.

"Baby, you are an amazing person," Santana told her with passion in her voice.

"No, I'm not. I hit her, I'm just like him 'Tana. After everything I've been through, I've still become my father's daughter." Rachel confessed, she was extremely angry with herself for loosing control like that. In her mind, she was no better then her farther.

"Don't you dare compare yourself to that bastard. You didn't start beating her because you felt like it, you were defending yourself and your friends. Yes, you lost control but it's a completely natural reaction to what she was saying. She deserved it," Santana said holding her a little closer as Quinn and Brittany rubbed soothing circles on the smaller girl's back.

"No one deserves to be hit," Rachel whispered. Santana sighed, she knew there was no way to convince her Lexi deserved it, she just wanted her to understand that she is nothing like her farther. "Trust me, Santana I wish I didn't know what it's like but I do. I know better, but I did it anyway."

"I didn't like it when you hit her Rae. You're normally really sweet and nice, even to the people who are mean to you," Brittany began and Rachel hung her head in shame. Disappointing Brittany was like having a knife stabbed in her heart. Santana sent a rare glare at her best friend, trying to tell the innocent girl that she wasn't really helping. "You're not a bad person because of it. You made a mistake, Santana makes those kind of mistakes all the time and she's not a bad person," Brittany continued, her words seeming to get through to Rachel as she nodded her head in agreement.

"You're right Brittany," Rachel said pulling herself together again. "I think we can safely say that Lexi is the one who told the school about us," she turned to Santana who nodded as she played with the diva's fingers distractedly. It was a comforting act for her, right now it was keeping her from going to find Lexi and giving her the beat down she truly deserved. She knew this wasn't over and that the impending smack down between her and Lexi was inevitable. She only hoped that Rachel wasn't there when it happened because when it did, she knew she wouldn't be able to control herself.

"I think you're right babe, it makes sense considering she is in our homeroom," she agreed. She pulled Rachel up and laced their fingers together tightly.

"Come on, let's get out of here," she proposed not liking the looks they were getting from the other patrons. The other three nodded and followed the Latina out.

* * *

><p>A week passed and Lexi was trying everything she could to piss Santana off. She continuously taunted Rachel and pushed the smaller girl into lockers. The fake blonde knew she wouldn't be able to get away with a direct attack on the fierce Latina, so she settled for hitting her where it hurt the most, Rachel. Even attacking the cheerleader's small girlfriend was bordering on thin ice with the rest of McKinley considering the Unholy Trinity had placed a ban on any form of torment against the singer. But Lexi had enough people behind her right now to just make it work and going after Rachel was the best way to get to Santana. She knew it was only a matter of time before the Latina snapped and was kicked off the Cheerio's.<p>

Finn was still bent out of shape about the whole thing and much to the rest of the New Directions shock and horror, he had made a alliance with Lexi's group, hoping that getting Santana to mess up would push Rachel out of her arms and right back into his. He was just too dumb to realize Lexi was only using him and that this would most likely only end with more heartbreak for himself.

But what confused most of them was how Mercedes was acting. The soulful singer didn't seem to know what side she wanted to be on, at least that's what it looked like to everyone else. She hadn't stepped up the way the rest of New Directions had to help Rachel out. She was the only one, besides Finn considering he thought he could do no wrong, who hadn't even tried to talk to Rachel and apologize for her past actions. When Rachel was slushied in the halls she would just turn away and ignore it. It seemed as though she was avoiding the other diva at all costs. Rachel had a pretty good idea what was going on with her, but she didn't know how to get her to face it.

Santana walked into the choir room and found her girlfriend already there. She always liked to be the first one there. She sat down next to her and gave her a quick hello kiss, before pulling away and smiling at her. Rachel smiled back while cocking her head to the side.

"What are you so happy?" Rachel asked loving the feeling she got when she saw the bright smile on the other girl's beautiful face.

"Well I have just realized that we have been dating a week and haven't even had our first proper date yet," she said mocking the way her girlfriend usually spoke.

"And this makes you happy why exactly?" The diva laughed not the least bit phased by the mocking tone of her girlfriend the way she used to be. The way the old Rachel used to act.

"Well my dear Rachel, it's because I am going to do just that. Tonight you are going to be romanced by the one and only Santana Lopez," the cheerleader said smoothly, her hand snaking its way into Rachel's brown locks as she brought her knuckles up to her lips trying to hide her chuckle.

"You are so adorable," Rachel told her smiling.

"I'm not adorable, I'm badass," Santana told her crossing her arms across her chest and pouting.

"Whatever you say my love," Rachel agreed, while patting her on the shoulder. "So where are we going?" She asked excitedly.

"Nice try, but it's a surprise," she said kissing the pout that formed on her girlfriends lips.

"You're mean," Rachel told her.

"Get over it," Santana giggled as the other's started to file in. "Now let's get our cuddles on during glee," she said opening her arms and sighing contently when Rachel snuggled into her straight away.

Finn entered and glared at the two before taking his seat. Mercedes was right behind him and avoided eye contact with the pair taking her seat beside Kurt, who started whispering rapidly to her. Santana shook her head wishing she knew what was up with that girl. She knew her and Rachel hadn't had the best relationship before, but this was just strange.

"Wish I knew what's up with 'Cedes," Quinn stated, sitting beside her as Brittany took the empty seat beside Rachel.

She knew Quinn and Mercedes used to be very close during Quinn's pregnancy and Santana could tell that her friend missed her, she had even tried talking to her about her strange behavior but all she got was the cold shoulder. She almost wished her and Rachel would have a diva war again just to get her out of this funk she seemed to be in. Rachel bit her lip wondering how they could be so blind, she caught Brittany's eye and knew she was thinking the exact same thing. She was just about to answer Quinn when Mr. Schue walked in clapping his hands together excitedly.

"Alright guys we are going to try out some new duet partner's for regionals," he told them as Finn smiled hopefully.

"Does this mean Rachel and I can sing together?" He asked smiling up at the girl who frowned at him. Santana growled possessively, tightening her arms around her girl.

"He said new duet partners Frankenteen," Quinn told him rolling her eyes at how stupid the boy could be. "You and Rach singing together wouldn't be anything new," his shoulders slumped in disappointment as he looked up at Mr. Schue as if asking him to do something.

"I'm sorry Finn she's right," he said apologetically causing the glee club to roll their eyes.

"Can we choose our partners?" Artie asked hopefully glancing at Brittany wanting to have a second chance to perform a duet with his girlfriend, considering the last time didn't go over to well.

"Sorry but no, I have already decided on the pairs." Everyone let out a frustrated groan, they may all basically love each other, but that didn't mean that they didn't find certain people difficult to work with.

"Wait Mr. Schue there's an uneven amount of us, someone is going to be left out just like last time," Kurt said, he knew his performance was awesome last time, but it honestly sucked being the one left out.

"Thank you Kurt, that reminds me we're suppose to have a new student join us today. But it seems he's running late," Mr. Schue informed them. Everyone seemed to sit a little straighter at that news wondering who the new kid might be. Brittany looked as though she was trying really hard to remember something. Just then the new foreign exchange student came running into the room slightly out of breath.

"I'm sorry I'm late, but I got lost trying to find my way," the boy said with his thick Irish accent as he smiled at the group. Brittany seemed as though she had suddenly remembered what she was trying to forget and clapped.

"Rory Leprechaun!" she shouted excitedly as he smiled at the sweet blonde.

"Isn't that the foreign exchange student who's living with you, B?" Quinn whispered blushing slightly when she noticed the boy looking right at her and smiling.

"Yeah, I forgot that he was joining today," she stated happily.

"Is you're last name really leprechaun, dude? That's so fucking gay" Puck asked laughing and earning a smack on the head from Tina. "Ow, seriously I was only kidding" he glared up at Tina who glared right back.

"No, my last name is Flanagan," he told them never losing that bright smile. "Rory Leprechaun is just what Britt's been calling me sense I came to live with her family," they all nodded in understanding sometimes Brittany's logic would be confusing but they totally understood this one. The boy was Irish and he seemed to like to wear a lot of green.

"Wait, can this kid even sing?" Santana asked which earned her an elbow from Rachel.

"Ow! Come on babe I'm just looking out for the club. We are trying to win Nationals this year," she defended herself as Rachel rolled her eyes. She knew what Santana was really protecting, she saw the way he looked at Quinn as well. But if he ended up being a nice guy then she thought it could be really good for Quinn.

"Well Rory, why don't you show them?" Mr. Schue opened the floor to the Irish lad. He sang 'Take Care of Yourself' by Teddy Thompson and dedicated it to his family back home, which Rachel found really sweet, and she could tell by the look on Quinn's face she did too.

"Welcome to the club Rory, please take a seat," Mr. Schue congratulated him as he took the seat directly in front of Quinn.

He explained to Rory what the assignment was going to be and gave out the assigned partners. "Brittany and Kurt," he announced as Brittany squealed and hugged Kurt yelling something about unicorns. "Blaine and Tina," the two nodded at each other smiling.

"Puck and Sam," he said as they bumped fists.

"Mike and Finn," he read as Mike glared at the boy still mad at him for the way he's been acting, while Finn sat sulking. He wanted to work with Rachel so he could persuade her to ditch Santana and take him back.

"Quinn and Rory", the pair blushed and gave each other shy smiles.

"Santana and Artie," Santana grinned. This gave her another excuse to hang out at her girlfriend's house.

That only left...

"Wait Mr. Schue, Mercedes and Rach have done a duet together before," Santana informed the teacher. She honestly just didn't want her girlfriend working with the other diva, not with the way she's been acting lately.

"Yes, I am aware of that. But those were always diva-offs, there was no real calibration there. I want to see what they can come up with if they work together," he told them smiling, he really thought this assignment was going to be awesome and hopefully it would help them find them an amazing duet for regionals.

"Mr. Schue I'm not very comfortable working with Rachel," Mercedes said quietly, but with conviction. Rachel tensed with hurt written all over her face, Santana glared at the darker girl rubbing her fingers up and down her girlfriends arm trying to help her relax and to remind her that the rest of them didn't feel that way.

"Mercedes, you and Rachel make a great pair. I think if you put you're heads together you could come up with a killer duet for regionals," Mr. Schue tried to encourage.

"I'm willing to switch with Mercedes," Finn piped up, causing even Mr. Schue to roll his eyes.

"No Finn, the duet partners are staying the way I assigned them," the tall boy sulked back into his seat. Mercedes features hardened as she glared at her teacher.

"All Rachel and I will do is clash and fight. I don't want to work with her and you can't make me," she said with fiercely as the teacher backed up in defense.

Rachel couldn't take it anymore, she never stood up for herself before and she regretted it all the time. "Enough!" The shorter diva yelled and pulled herself out of tanned arms to stand in front of Mercedes. "You need to stop right now Mercedes. We both know the real reason you don't want to work with me. Stop trying to make it into something else and face it," Rachel said seeing the brief glimpse of surprise in chocolate eyes before they hardened again.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." she tried to deny but Rachel wasn't letting her off that easy.

"Yes you do Mercedes," she said grabbing a hold of her shoulders and staring her straight into her eyes. Knowing this was her only chance to get through to the girl who was like her on so many levels. "It wasn't your fault! I don't blame you or anyone here for what happened," everyone's mouths dropped in surprise, including Mercedes who wondered how the hell she could have known that.

"You couldn't have known 'Cedes, no one did and avoiding me isn't going to change what happened or make it any better. I need you Mercedes, you and Kurt understand me in ways no one else can and you can't help me get better if you're beating yourself up over this." Tears were streaming down the darker girls cheek as Rachel finally made her face all the feelings of guilt she had been covering up ever since she learned of what had been going on with Rachel for the past couple years. Suddenly she broke down and Rachel pulled her into a hug not even asking permission as she whispered soothing words in her ear as she patted her back gently.

"How did you know all this?" Mercedes asked once she stopped crying and pulled herself away from Rachel. She stole a glance at Santana to make sure she wasn't ready to kill her for being so close to her girl, but relaxed when all she saw was deep concern, as she sat there on the edge of her seat ready to spring to life if Rachel gave any hint of needing her. She can honestly say she never thought she would see this side of Santana, it was actually quite nice to know the girl was human.

"Because I know everyone in this glee club better then I know myself. I could see the guilt in your eyes and I hated that you felt that way because of me. I didn't know how to make you understand that it wasn't your fault, I'm still having trouble convincing San it's not her fault either and most of the time I can't even convince myself that it's not my fault," she answered tearfully, Santana got out of here chair after hearing that and wrapped her arms around the small waist from behind placing her chin on the girls shoulder.

"It's not anyone's fault but his babe," she whispered sweetly in her ear pressing their bodies close together, trying to show her how much she was there for her.

"I'll try to be better Rach, and I we're going to come up with the most killer duet. None of you suckers even have a chance," Mercedes told them smiling causing Rachel to give a grin as wide as the Cheshire cat's.

Kurt huffed indigently. "I beg to differ between my amazing vocal talents and Brittany's superb dance skills, I have to say we have the upper hand on this one," Kurt argued playfully, only a month ago these comments would have caused a huge war, but now all they've become are playful jest.

"No way Porcelain, Artie and I totes got this one," Rachel looked up at her with a playful scowl causing Santana to let out a deep chuckle. "Sorry babe I just tell it like it is."

Mr. Schue awkwardly cleared his throat causing the rest of the club to turn their attention back to the teacher.

"Alright now that, that's settled let's break into your pairs and start brainstorming. This project is due by the end of the week. Half will go on Thursday and the second half will perform on Friday."

They all quickly broke off into their groups, Santana kept stealing glances at Rachel and Mercedes as they laughed and sorted out different song choices, just to make sure she was okay. Rachel looked up and caught her looking once and smiled at her before returning to work.

"She's been doing really well considering everything," Artie said to her after she diverted her attention away from their work for the tenth time.

"She's keeping a lot in still, but she's starting to open up more. I just hope she keeps opening up and nothing throws her back into just bottling everything up," she sighed, glaring at Finn who was completely ignoring Mike has he openly stared at Rachel.

"She'll be fine, as long as she has you. I honestly don't think she would be able to handle it without you even if we all were behind her still. You're her rock right now Santana, just continue being there for her and she'll continue getting better," the Latina smiled at the wheelchair bound boy, she was liking him more and more each time he opened his mouth.

* * *

><p>Later that night Rachel modeled various outfits for Brittany and Kurt as they tried to help her get ready for her date with Santana. Ever since the encounter at the mall Kurt has really been trying to make it up to Rachel, they all have.<p>

"Kurt, Santana told me to just dress nice, but casual," she whined looking down at the black dress he had forced her to try on. She didn't like the way it showed off the scars on her back and she was extremely thankful her hair was able to cover the burn marks up. She knew that if they saw it would deeply upset both of her friends. There was no way she was going out in this tonight.

"But it looks so fabulous on you," Kurt argued circling the girl admiring the chose he had chosen for her.

"No, San said casual so help me try to find something like that, that will still look fabulous," Kurt pouted before returning to her closet.

He finally laid out a pair of black skinny jeans and a nice form fitting long sleeved black with white vector patterns and a descending neckline. Rachel smiled, this was one of the shirts that Santana specifically picked out for her. When she had finished changing and got the approval of both Brittany and Kurt. They finished helping her get ready and left before Santana would arrive at six to pick her up.

Rachel sat in the living room nervously. The only one home beside her was Tim, who got home from work only a few minutes ago. She told him what she had planned for the night and he gave her and bright smile and pat on the head before disappearing into the kitchen.

Three minutes before six, the doorbell rang and Rachel felt her breathing and heart rate speed up. She had no idea why she was this nervous, this shouldn't be any different then any other time she spent with Santana alone.

"You going to get the door or do you want me to?" Tim asked from the kitchen, snapping her out of her thought as she rushed to the door, hearing the faint sound of laughter, imagining Tim shaking his head at her. When she opened the door she was greeted with a just as nervous looking Santana standing there, holding out a box of vegan chocolates.

"Thanks 'Tana," she said taking the chocolates while blushing and letting the Latina in.

"I would have gotten you flowers, but they like die within a week and I know you love those vegan chocolates so I just want to get you something you would enjoy," she said all in one breath stopping when Rachel put a hand on her arm.

"Breathe baby, they're perfect. I hope you'll share them with me though," she smiled shyly earning a grin from the other girl. Rachel finally took in her girlfriend's appearance, she was dressed in her normal attire but Rachel couldn't help but find her more beautiful then ever.

"I would love that," Santana said as she leaned in and kissed her girlfriend soundly. They pulled away grinning.

"Ready to go?" she asked as Rachel nodded and grabbed her coat.

"Be home by eleven Rachel, it's a school night," Tim called out and Rachel called back that she would be.

The entire ride there, Santana would not tell Rachel were they were going and Rachel was completely surprised when the passed right by Breadstix. When she asked her why she just smiled without answering. They pulled in a restaurant that Rachel didn't recognize and she looked to Santana with questioning eyes.

"My family and I ate here and few weeks ago and they have a really nice vegan selection, better then Breadstix does and their food is actually pretty awesome though Breadstix will always be my fav," she explained her smile growing wider as Rachel did. The shorter girl attacked the girl with a strong kiss leaving the both breathless.

"You are amazing. Thank you so much," Rachel said tearing up slightly.

"Don't thank me yet babe, this is only part one of the date," Santana smiled while getting out of the car motioning for Rachel to stay put of she rushed over to the passenger side and opened the smaller girl's door offering her hand and helping her out.

Santana told the hostess that they had reservations under Lopez and they were taken straight to a table. When they got their menu's Rachel was truly impressed by the amount of vegan selections on there, Santana wasn't exaggerating. After they ordered and got their food they spent the entire time eating and talking. They just loved moments like these were they could be alone and talk without anyone else around. When they could just leave behind everything else and just focus on each other.

The next stop was Lima's only professional Theatre Company. When they pulled into the parking lot Rachel almost stopped breathing. Santana looked panicked and rubbed the girls back until she was able to catch her breath again.

"Finn always told me that musicals were stupid and would only put him to sleep. I was really hurt when he told me that because that will be me one day on Broadway. It's only our first date and you didn't even think twice about it and you took me to the one thing I love the most. You are so perfect," Rachel said tearing up for the second time that night.

"I love musicals because you do and when you get on Broadway I will be right there in the front row watching you become the star you're meant to be," Santana told her sincerely, drying the girls tears.

"Why'd you tell me to dress casually if you knew we were going to the theatre?" Rachel pouted and Santana laughed.

"Because my dear, there's still one more part after this and I want you to be comfortable. Plus I think what your wearing is very appropriate. You don't need to be all dolled up for me babe, I love you just the way you are" Santana reasoned and Rachel nodded as they went inside.

"RENT?" Rachel asked excitedly once the entered the theatre and Santana nodded.

The musical was amazing, Santana loved how Rachel became so engrossed in the play almost as if she was in her own little world. She had never seen the girl so content before and made her so happy that she could bring that feeling to her girl. She put her arms around Rachel and pulled her closer as she began sniffling when Angel died. The play ended and Rachel couldn't stop her grin from growing larger and larger. As they exited the theatre they got into the car and drove to the last place that Santana had planned for their date.

"The park?" Rachel question with a small smile. Santana nodded and once again opened Rachel's door for her.

They walked hand and hand as Rachel babbled on about the differences between the theatre company's adaption of RENT and the actual Broadway version. She felt a warm feeling in her heart as she realized Santana was actually listening intently to every word she said, when in her past relationships they would only pretend to listen and nod when they thought is was appropriate. Santana even jumped in, giving her own opinion on the subject every now and then, making Rachel heart swoon for her girlfriend.

They finally got to their destination and Rachel gasped at the moonlight picnic that was set up. A blanket was lad out as well as an assortment of different fruit and vegetables as well as vegan friendly vegetables dips and whip cream. Candles illuminated the romantic scene as Rachel covered her mouth with her hand and stared up at Santana with so much love in her eyes.

"This is why I said we were getting dessert later, I remember how you told me once how you love fruit and vegetables so I thought it would be a good idea to how a small moonlight picnic while we gaze at the stars. I had Q and Puck set it up while we were at the theatre," Santana told her as she shuffled her feet nervously.

"I love it," Rachel gushed, jumping on the taller girl and kissing her. "And I love you," Santana smiled down at her.

"I love you too," she said kissing her quickly again before leading her to the blanket.

Rachel cuddled into Santana as they began feeding each other and laughing. Santana held a strawberry between her teeth and look at Rachel seductively, wiggling her eyebrow. Rachel chuckled before moving in and biting down on the other half of the piece of fruit. Yeah it was totally sappy and cliché, but Santana honestly didn't care, it made her girl happy and if she was honest with herself, it made her happy as well. After cuddling under the star for a while and a bit of making out, Santana checked the time and found it to be 10:30 pm. With only a half an hour to get Rachel and herself home, they decided to clean up and take off. Santana walked Rachel to the door and gave her a deep sweet kiss goodnight that left Rachel lips tingling.

As both girls lied in their beds later that night they sighed contently and fell asleep with bright smiles gracing their faces.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 13

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh!

* * *

><p>Rachel was on cloud nine as she sat in homeroom waiting for Santana. Cheerio's practice was running late so the Latina had told her to go ahead to homeroom without her. Nothing could bring Rachel down from the natural high she seemed to be on, especially after last night. Not even a triple dose of Lexi's rude comments could make the blinding smile on her face disappear.<p>

"So how was the date last night?" Puck asked with a sly grin, turning in his seat in front of Rachel.

"It was lovely and amazing! Thank you so much for helping Santana set up the picnic," Rachel told him excitedly as she bounced in her chair.

Puck shrugged and smirked. "Just being a good lesbro. Anyway it was totally worth it just to see Santana act all nervous and blush. Totally gonna hold this over her for a long time, who knew Santana was into that mushy crap," he teased, his laughter immediately stopped when he felt Rachel's harsh slap against his arm and her evil glare. Honestly that glare scared the hell out of him.

"You will not use my girlfriends romantic side against her," she said sternly. "You will keep it completely to yourself, so she can continue telling herself that she is badass even though we both know how sweet and kindhearted she really is."

They heard a rather obnoxious scoff and looked up to find Santana standing there with a raised eyebrow. Rachel's grin widened as she felt her heart pump a little faster when she laid eyes on her girlfriend.

"There is no telling myself anything, I am badass. Only a true badass could pull off a night like last night," Santana said smugly.

"That is very true," Rachel agreed as Santana leaned down and gave her a quick hello kiss. They rolled their eyes at the fake gags and chuckles that came from across the room. These people seriously had no lives, it seemed like every student was watching their every move and waiting for them to do something exciting seeing as they were the first lesbian couple McKinley had ever had. But in reality, they were the same old boring couple as all the rest. "Hey baby!" smiled as she licked her lips.

"Hey babe! Do you have your physics notes with you? I left mine at home and I need to get some last minute studying in before next periods test," Santana asked and Rachel nodded.

"They're in the binder in my backpack, in the section labeled physics. Just help yourself," Rachel told her as she suddenly became engrossed in the playlist on her phone. Santana smiled and grabbed her girl's bag, she furrowed her brow questioningly as she found more then the purple binder.

"Babe, why do you have clothes and your bear that your daddy gave you in your bag?" she asked.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you that I'm sleeping over Mercedes' tonight to work on the duet assignment. I was going to tell you last night but I got distracted," Rachel blushed and Santana grinned at Puck who made an uncomfortable face as he tried to inconspicuously pull his backpack over his groin, which only caused Santana to bust out laughing.

"A little excited there Pucky," Santana teased. Puck grunted and shot her the finger in response.

"Ew. No way, never again." she said with a disgusted face turning back to Rachel. "That's fine Rae-Rae, but why are you taking the bear?" she asked.

"I don't like going to bed without him. I don't actually sleep with him, I just need him close by because it's like having my daddy still with me," Rachel said quietly. Santana smiled sadly at the girl and softly stroked the smaller hand with her thumb.

"I understand that Sweetie. Just be careful with him, I know how much he means to you," Santana warned. She knew how devastated Rachel would be if anything happened to that bear, it was all she had left of her farther.

"So you're okay with me hanging out with Mercedes tonight instead of you?" Rachel asked nervously wondering if Santana would be angry with her for not consulting her about these plans that didn't involve them spending time together. Finn and Jesse had always hated when she did that.

"Of course I am, I'll just hang with B and Q tonight. Baby girl, you don't have to ask my permission to hang out with other people. The only time I will ever mind is if it happens during something we had already planned and agreed on," she reassured the suddenly panicked looking girl.

"Anyway I'm glad you're hanging with Mercedes, the more people on your side the better. But I reserve the right to go all Lima Heights on Aretha's ass if she steps one toe out of line," she said seriously, however, her girlfriend's light chuckle made her lips curl into a smile. "Now let me study baby girl, you don't want to be the reason I fail now do you?" she teased as Rachel shook her head furiously and pointed to her binder with a stern look, she knew the value of education more than anyone in the school.

The day went on pretty normally, but Rachel couldn't help the sneaky suspicious feeling arising in the pit of her stomach. Lexi and her minions were leaving her alone and some were actually being friendly towards her. She knew that the reason behind it was bad and she was terrified of what they were planning.

She was sitting in the cafeteria talking to Kurt, Blaine, Tina, and Mercedes. After the glee club started to become friendlier, Kurt had convinced her that eating in the cafeteria wasn't so bad. Sure there were still days she just couldn't take it and ate in the choir room. But she was really starting to see the benefits of not isolating herself. Santana sat down next to Rachel and the rest of New Directions minus Finn joined them. This was the family that Rachel had always dreamed the glee club would become. Santana looked over at the empty spot in front Rachel that was completely void of food, the exact opposite of everyone else.

"Babe, where's your lunch? I know you couldn't have finished already," Santana asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"I'm just not hungry," she answered dismissively.

"You know you're not suppose to skip meals," the Latina said, her tone suggesting she was not pleased with the mundane answer.

"You're still too much underweight and my dad said even though it appears you're better physically, your body is still healing and it needs the nourishment to help you stay strong," Santana said strongly, gaining everyone's attention at the table. Rachel stared at her girlfriend in shock, not understanding where all this was coming from.

"Tana please calm down," the diva pleaded, placing her hand on the cheerleaders shoulder, only to have it brushed off. Rachel looked at her with hurt brown eyes.

"I won't calm down, this is your health Rach! I won't sit back as you act like it doesn't matter," Santana said tears threatening to spill. She got up and ran out of the cafeteria.

Rachel sat there for a moment in shock until Quinn nudged her and mouthed. "Go after her," causing Rachel to spring to life and chase after her seemingly distraught girlfriend.

She found her sitting on the risers in the choir room. It was a place they both tended to run to, because they knew the other would find them there. She carefully approached the girl who had silent tears streaming down here face as she fought furiously to try to pull it together.

"Baby?" Rachel called out gaining the other girls attention. The taller girl quickly tried to wipe away her tears, but failed as more and more fell before she could stop them.

"I'm sorry Rach, I didn't mean to blow up like that," she apologized patting the spot next to her, Rachel quickly sat next to her.

"No, I'm sorry. You're right I know I'm suppose to eat three meals a day even if it's only a little bit. But I really just wasn't hungry and I was being stubborn, I promise you I will eat lunch from now on," she said desperately wanting to know why Santana had reacted the way she did. "But I have to ask, why did you react so strongly?" she asked carefully trying to gage Santana's expression that had suddenly become unreadable. They sat in silence for a few uncomfortable minutes. The longer they sat, the more nervous she became and she realized she was honestly scared of the answer. It terrified her that she suddenly seemed so closed off. All she wanted to do was help her but she didn't know how, and she hated herself for that.

"You know the rumors, about the Cheerio's extreme dieting right?" Rachel looked up at Santana's catatonic sounding voice and nodded slowly, not liking how this was beginning.

"A couple of the Cheerio's including Q and I decided to go a step further with it. We started skipping meals until we just stopped eating all together, once in a while we would cave and then throw up whatever we ate. After Quinn got pregnant with Beth she was able to sort herself out because she had another life to worry about. But I needed a little more help, Coach found out what was going on and told all our parents. Mine made me get help and I've been doing really well," Santana confessed tears openly streaming down her cheeks.

She let Rachel pull her into a warm embrace, in a rare show of submission. Rachel couldn't stop her own tears from falling at the confession, hating herself even more for not seeing it before, sure she had her suspicions like everyone else did, but she didn't look into them any further the way she should have.

"I'm so sorry San, I should have noticed and done something. You are beautiful, your body is absolute perfection. I never want you to feel that way again," Rachel told her kissing the top of her head while holding her a little tighter, Santana sighed in content and nuzzled the smaller girls neck with her nose.

"I don't really think it was about not feeling beautiful, I never had a problem with my looks or my body. I think I needed to have control over something because everything else felt so out of my control at that time. Therapy helped me stop but when I came out everything just seemed easier, it's still a struggle but it's not so bad anymore," Rachel was trying hard to stay strong and not break down, the thought of her girlfriend feeling so lost and alone broke her heart.

"And it's not your fault sweetheart, you had way to much to deal with then to be worrying about my shit or anyone else's for that matter, plus we weren't exactly friends then either," she told her squeezing the girls knee in reassurance.

"I freaked out on you because when I was first trying to figure out what was going on with you I thought you might be anorexic because you never had a lunch, but then you barely put up a fight about sharing mine so I didn't really entertain that thought for long. I just got a little scared back there because I don't want you to ever feel that way, and you do need to take care of yourself. You were so malnourished when you went into the hospital, my dad said you must not have had a proper meal in months," Santana explained pulling herself out of Rachel's arms and switching their position so that Rachel was now in her arms. It made her feel better when she held her girlfriend and protected her. It was her job and it meant so much to her that Rachel allowed her to do it.

"That's because my said food was a privilege and I wasn't earning that privilege because I wasn't getting the solo's like I should have," Rachel said her voice low as she gulped. She'd never told anyone about the mental abuse her father had put her through, the way he belittled her and made her feel like some type of animal who only received treats when they performed correctly.

"Is that why you always fought for solo's so hard?" Santana questioned running her fingers soothingly through her girl's soft brown hair. Rachel had not really opened up about the abuse to anyone, not even Santana. The only thing the Cheerio knew was that Rachel's father was a poor excuse for a man and that he almost beat his daughter to death. She didn't know the specifics of what happened with her farther and she didn't want to push her, but she would give a little nudge when the opportunity presented itself.

Rachel nodded. "It was one of the main reasons why I was always in trouble with him. If I wasn't the star then I was of no use to him, so he would punish me," Santana strengthened her hold on her girlfriend, pulling her closer. It took everything she had to not saying anything or throw a fit. Inside her blood was boiling and she wanted nothing more than to tear that despicable man apart piece by piece, but the tiny brunette in her arms needed her more.

"Santana, please promise me that if you ever feel like that again you will come to me," Rachel said turning in tanned arms to look at her lover's face. "I want you to know that you can come to me about anything. I will always drop whatever I'm doing if you need to talk and I will never judge you. I love you and I never want you to feel like you have to hold anything inside," she pleaded and Santana smiled down at her through overwhelming tears that had made their way down her face.

"I love you too, and I promise you I will. I hope you know that same goes for you, you can come to me for anything and I will always be on your side," Santana told her, kissing her cheek sweetly.

"I know. I-I j-just need a little more time, I think. All this stuff doesn't come out easily and it's hard to talk about, let alone think about it without reliving it, but I promise I'll talk about it at some point," Rachel assured.

"That's all I ask, baby. Now come on let's go get our eats on before lunch is over," she said standing up pulling Rachel with her. The two girls smiled and interlaced their fingers together as they swung their hands and made their way back to the cafeteria.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day went without anymore problems causing both Rachel and Santana to be on edge. The sudden silence from Lexi and her minions could not mean anything good. Today was the one day they didn't have glee, but the Cheerio's had an extra long practice so Santana gave Rachel a quick, sweet kiss goodbye and rushed off to practice with Quinn and Brittany while Rachel stayed with Mercedes and Kurt.<p>

It was a little awkward hanging out with her two fellow diva's without at least one of the Unholy Trinity there to help her relax. Mercedes still seemed extremely timid around her, while Kurt was talking a mile a minute about his new Marc Jacobs jacket. Rachel rolled her eyes at the boy's enthusiasm and briefly wondered if he would be able to handle his own fashion line while being on Broadway as well, because his passion for both was simply amazing. There were only two things Rachel was passionate about, Broadway and her girlfriend.

"Kurt, while I find your enthusiasm very entertaining, you're suppose to be helping Mercedes and I pick out outfits for our duet together," Rachel gently scowled the soprano. He was was supposed to be helping them, but they all knew the big reason he was there was to make both girls a little bit more comfortable as they tried to get closer and get to know each other as friends.

"Yes, yes of course. But first you two need to figure out which duet you will be performing otherwise I will have nothing to work with," Kurt told them waving his hand dismissively.

"Well, I was kind of hoping to sing to someone specifically," Merecedes confessed shyly looking to Kurt who gave her a knowing smile. Rachel rolled her eyes again, this girl was kidding herself if she thought she was subtle.

"Sam," Rachel stated more then asked with a nod. Mercedes looked at her with wide panicked eyes.

"What? I thought you were over him and you guys just had a 'fling' or whatever" Kurt asked perplexed, wondering how he could have missed this.

"It wasn't that hard to figure out, but what I can't figure out is whether you two are actually dating or just dancing around each other," Rachel said matter of factly.

Mercedes sighed and school her head, there was no point in hiding it anymore. "We've been dating sense Nationals last year."

Rachel squealed in excitement while clapping her hand together. "Why are you guys keeping it a secret?" The tiny diva asked cocking her head to the side in confusion, she understood not wanting to tell people about her and Santana in fear of being judged, but that was different. Sam and Mercedes were nothing more than a boy and a girl, so why would they keep it a secret from their so call 'best friends'?

"Because we weren't official until a couple weeks ago, we wanted to wait to tell everyone until we knew where it was going. Now that we are official, we decided the best way to announce it to the glee club is through song," Mercedes told her happily, Rachel smiled warmly at her.

"I think that's a great idea. I've been wanting to sing to Santana anyway and, of course, I have the perfect song!" Rachel exclaimed, her excitement just barely being contained as they began working.

They spent a while arranging the song and choreographing. Kurt helped them pick out their outfits. Once everything was settled for the most part the trio decided to get into the pjs and watch movies for the rest of the night.

Rachel unzipped her backpack to get our her pajamas. She frowned when she noticed something was missing. She took her pjs out hoping the missing item had just got pushed to the bottom. She started panicking when she still couldn't find it. Her breathing started to pick up as she hastily dumped out the remaining contents of her bag in search for the missing item making Kurt and Mercedes turn to her with raised eyebrows.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked approaching the frantic girl carefully.

"My bear is missing," Rachel said her voice raising an octave or two.

"Maybe you put it in your locker," Mercedes tried not really understanding why Rachel was so upset over a toy bear.

"No, I never took him out of my bag," she told them, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Why are you worried about it anyway? It's only a toy bear," Kurt sneered with a little bit of annoyance in his voice.

"It's not just a toy bear," she yelled making them both jump back. "My daddy gave him to me before he died, it's all I have left of him," she sobbed and Kurt paled realizing his mistake. He understood that pain, he was lucky enough to have many of his mother's thing to hold on to. He couldn't imagine losing the only physical connection he had left to her.

"Think Rachel, did anyone go through you're bag today?" Mercedes commanded staying calm as she kneeling down next to the sobbing girl. Rachel's brow furrowed in deep thought, brightening a little when she thought of the answer.

"Santana went into my bad this morning to burrow my notes and she put them back second to last period," she informed them.

"Well maybe she accidentally picked him up and placed him in her bag," Mercedes told her trying to keep her hopes up.

"I don't know how she would manage that without me seeing, but I will text her to see," Rachel said sniffling, while drying her tearing and taking out her phone.

**To :'Tana.**

**Please tell me you have my bear.**

She sent the text and withing minutes she got a response.

**From: 'Tana**

**No, I'm sry bb girl I don't. Did u look thru ur whole bag?**

Rachel felt the sobs return as she read the text. Both Kurt and Mercedes squeezed her shoulders in comfort as they read over her shoulder.

**To: 'Tana**

**Yes I did. OMG I lost him...**

**From: 'Tana**

**It's going to be ok bb. Did u leave ur bag alone at all 2day?**

The tiny diva searched her memory, her eyes widened as she came to the realization.

**To: 'Tana**

**I did, last period I went to speak to the teacher and left my bad at my seat, my back was turned... One of Lexi's followers is in that class with me...**

Kurt and Mercedes gasped behind her, after that little bit of information it wasn't even a question of who was behind this.

**From: 'Tana**

**I swear I will kill her. I promise bb girl were gonna get ur bear back, this has gone way to far. Do u want me to come over there?**

Rachel frowned at the first part of Santana's message, she didn't want her getting into trouble for her, her frown slowly turned into a smile as she read the second part. The fact that her girlfriend wanted to be there for her meant the world to her.

**To: 'Tana**

**No I'll just see you tomorrow... I love you.**

**From: 'Tana**

**I love you to, I promise we'll figure this out. C ya tomorrow sweetheart.**

With that Rachel turned off her phone and fell into Mercedes arms and sobbed. Kurt rubbed soothing circles on her back, trying his best to comfort her. They spent the rest of the night comforting Rachel and watching sappy chick flicks. Right now the only thing holding Rachel together was her friends and knowing how much Santana loved her.

* * *

><p>Santana walked through the halls of McKinley High with rage filled eyes that the masses hadn't seen since she started dating the tiny singer. When they saw her coming with that fiery look in her dark eyes, they knew not to only get out of her way, but to find the nearest hiding spot and cower until it was safe again.<p>

They crossed the line when they took that bear away from her girlfriend, however, what she didn't expect was for them to take it even a step further and play physiological games with her girl's head. She walked into the girl's bathroom near the auditorium only to find her girlfriend sobbing as she ran her hands under scolding hot water. Her was skin red and raw with blisters already starting to form on sensitive skin.

"Rachel what the hell are you doing?" She rushed forward turning off the hot water and quickly turning on the cold hoping to soothe the burned skin.

"No, no, don't. I need to fix them, please don't," Rachel pleaded with her trying to reach for the faucet to turn the water back to hot, but Santana quickly grabbed her wrist and held them under the cold water. She stood behind Rachel pressing her front to the small back looking at her girlfriend's desperate and broken expression in the mirror. She was so confused to what could have caused her girl to do this to herself.

"Baby you're not making sense. Just take a deep breath and calm down, then we'll try again okay," Santana said softly kissing the girls shoulder as she nodded and took in a few deep breaths as ordered.

"You better?" She asked and Rachel nodded, her body relaxing slightly no longer resisting the cool water soothing her hands. "Alright let's try again, what happened? Why are you hurting yourself?" Santana asked trying to hold back the tears at how much pain her girlfriend was in.

"Lexi and some other Cheerio's cornered me and started calling me names and some other really mean stuff," Santana felt the rage start to build up even more, first they steal the girl's one possession she cares about and now they're emotionally tormenting her. There was going to be a throw down there was no stopping it. But she contained herself for now because Rachel was still speaking and she needed her.

"Then they started talking about how my dad's never loved me because I'm a tranny and I have Manhands, and that you're going to leave me because of that to, because you're a lesbian and I'm not a real girl, my hands are to manly and I just might as well change my name to Manhands or RuPaul," Rachel sobbed while Santana took a few deep calming breaths before turning off the water grabbing a few paper towels and turning the small girl around to face her. She gently started drying her hands biting back another jolt of rage when Rachel winced as the paper material gently wiped her raw, blistered skin.

"Listen to me baby, I am not leaving you ever. I love you and you are no where near manly, these hands are tiny soft and delicate just like the rest of you," she told her kissing her hands gently.

"They are just trying to play mind games with you, they're trying to break you. Don't let them, Rach. You're so special to me and I know your daddy loved you. You are a beautiful girl, you're so beautiful that I loose my breath every time I see you. Don't ever let them tell you any different," Rachel looked at the passion and truthfulness showing in Santana eyes and fell into the taller girls embrace.

"I'm sorry I just couldn't bear the thought of you leaving me. I wasn't thinking straight and I did the only thing I could think of. I have no idea why I thought this would help. I guess I was just really trying to get rid of the emotional pain by causing physical pain to the part of me I hate the most, the part that was verbally attacked," Santana smiled softly at her girlfriend's long complicated explanation.

"Just don't ever hurt yourself like that again please," Santana pleaded and Rachel nodded. "Come on let's go to the nurse and then we're going to see Ms. Pillsbury. No arguing you're going," Santana told her with a pointed glare when she saw Rachel about to protest. The diva gave a heavy sigh as she followed her girlfriend out of the bathroom and to the nurse's office.

One look at Rachel's hands and the old nurse rushed the girl into a chair and immediately started working on them. She put the correct medicine on them and then bandaged them up. Once Santana promised that they were going straight to Ms. Pillsbury, the nurse let them go. Neither girl could believe that Figgins had actually hired a nurse who care and knew what she was doing. Half way to the councilor's office and they were blocked by none other then Lexi and her minions. Brittany and Quinn also came out of nowhere and flanked their best friends sides.

"Well if it isn't Satan herself and her tranny girlfriend, Manhands. Seriously, Santana I thought you said you were a dyke," Lexi sneered causing the group behind her to snicker, while the group in front of her growled.

"Shut the hell up Rollands, you've caused enough damage," Santana balled her fists by her sides, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "We're done playing this fucking game, now give Rachel back her teddy bear or I will ends you," she demanded snarling when the fake blonde smirked.

"Oh you mean that cute little black bear that little Berry needs to go to beddy bye at night?" Lexi asked in a mocking tone. Rachel felt herself blush and for the first time she didn't like seeing the red tint on her girlfriend's cheeks.

"Seriously how cruel can you be, taking the only thing she has left from her dead farther. That's going too far even for you," Santana yelled catching a few of Lexi's followers off guard.

"Wait, that was from her dad?" one asked but Santana completely ignored her, her glare never leaving the menacing cheerleader.

"And you couldn't stop there could you? You just had to tear her down a little more and call her names until you drove her to do this. Don't you think she's been through enough abuse?" she said holding up the tiny bandaged hands. Brittany and Quinn's eyes widened at the sight, Brittany took the hand out of Santana and began inspecting them with great detail and care while frowning. Lexi actually had the nerve to laugh.

"It's not my fault, RuPaul wants to mutilate her manhands, I never told her to do that. I honestly think it's a improvement," Santana growled and went to launch herself at her but Quinn was able to catch her in time.

"As for her precious teddy bear her faggot daddy gave her, she'll get it back when you three quite the Cheerio's," Lexi told them smugly.

"You fucking bitch," Santana snarled, struggling against Quinn hold a little harder.

"If you don't not only will I completely tear that thing to shreds I will continue to make her life a living hell. Maybe I will have a few of the hockey players even try to figure out if she really is hiding anything under that skirt," only a few of Lexi's followers laughed at that comment most stepped back at the very serious threat.

That was the last straw for Santana as she ripped herself from Quinn strong grip and launched herself at the heartless girl. All she could see was red as she began clawing and swinging at her. Punches and kicked were thrown from both sides, Lexi got in a few lucky shots but Santana did the most damage as she currently wrestled with the girl who tormented her girlfriend. Before she knew it she was torn away from the girl by two sets of strong arms. Not caring who they were she fought their grips not hearing the commands for her to calm down. Lexi was holding her bleeding nose that was most likely broken. Quinn stood in front of Santana and forced her to look at her before speaking.

"S, calm down. Come on sweetie your scaring Rachel," Quinn informed her, the struggle immediately leaving her body.

She turned towards Rachel who was cowering up against the lockers breathing heavily trying to make herself as small as possible as Brittany attempted to comfort her. She slowly made her way over to her, briefly recognizing that it was Puck and Sam who were holding her back. She kneeled down in front of the terrified girl and gently placing her hand on her knee only to have her flinch back into Brittany.

"Rachel baby, it's just me, it's Santana," the Latina tried to reassure her girlfriend and bring her back from her panicked state, but it didn't seem as if it was working as she continued to bury herself further into Brittany. "You're okay sweetheart."

"Please don't hurt me, please. I'm sorry San I really am," Santana eyes widened.

"No baby, I would never hurt you. Please Estrella I love you, I promise you will always be safe with me. I would never even raise a hand to you," Santana said with passion tears streaming down her face. But it wasn't working as Rachel continues to keep her distance of her girlfriend.

"What the hell is going on here?" the very familiar voice of Sue Sylvester yelled making a majority of the on lookers scramble.

"Coach, Lopez went crazy and attacked me," Lexi accused nasally pinching her nose to try to stop the bleeding.

"Don't even try lying you bitch, you antagonized her with threatening her girlfriend with bodily harm," Quinn yelled back her fists clenching. Santana was like her sister and Rachel had somehow become her best friend in these past few months. If she didn't think it would scare Rachel even more she would be finishing what Santana started.

"Alright enough Rollands and Lopez get to the nurse and then straight to Figgin's office. Brittany get Berry to Amelia's office," the tall blonde looked at her coach confused as she helped Rachel stand up.

"She means Ms. Pillsbury, B," Quinn explained gently.

"But her name is Emma," She said still confused and Quinn sighed.

"I know Britt, just take Rachel to her office okay," Brittany nodded and led Rachel away from the group.

"Q, go with them to the nurse's office and then meet me at Figgin's office. I want a full explanation," with that the cheerleading coached stalked off. Lexi was already heading to the nurses. Quinn was about to go check on Santana who was still kneeling where Rachel had just been completely frozen, but another Cheerio who had been under Lexi's command blocked her way.

"What the hell do you want?" Quinn asked menacingly. The baby Cheerio reached into her bag and pulled out Rachel's teddy bear and held it out to her captain. Quinn took the bear and glared at the younger girl waiting for an explanation.

"Lexi gave it to me yesterday and said to hold on to it. She said it didn't really mean anything and it was just a joke. If I had any idea what it really meant to Rachel or what she's was planning I would have never done it, I swear," the younger Cheerio said sincerely.

Quinn to nodded as she put the bear in her own bag for safe keeping. "We'll talk more about this later, but you did the right thing and I believe you," the young girl nodded as she walked off hanging her head in shame. Quinn carefully approached Santana who was still frozen in place.

"S, we need to get to the nurse," Quinn told her gently placing her hand on her friends back breaking her out of her trance. Santana looked up at the blonde with a completely broken expression.

"She's afraid of me Q, my baby girl is afraid of me," she sobbed out the realization breaking her inside. Quinn rubbed her back gently hoping that they would be able to fix this and that Rachel wouldn't retreat back into herself again.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 14

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh! Important: JackyKay brought something up in her review that I would like to address. I am not condoning the way Rachel was bullied in the past, I actually haven't dealt with it for a reason because it will be brought up within this chapter was well as the next one and maybe a few after. It will actually be an on going topic. No one wanted to face it before but now that they see how bullying in effecting Rachel they have that answered your concerns JackyKay and thank you for bringing this to my attention your review was wonderful :) Anymore question from anyone please feel free to PM!

* * *

><p>The nurse shook her head when Santana entered her office for the second time that day. She was currently fixing up Lexi's nose, which despite the girl's protest that it was because Santana was as she quoted an "animal" wasn't broken. Santana had a few bruises and swollen knuckles but other then that the Latina come out practically unharmed, but what else could you expect form a badass like her?<p>

Once in Figgins' office the opposing sides were made to sit across from each other as they waited for their parents to arrive. Maria Lopez arrived first, followed quickly by Jennifer Rolland, Lexi's mother. They both looked confused and concerned by their daughter's current appearances. They sat in the crowded office and waited while each girl told their side of the story, both parents becoming angrier and angrier.

Maria Lopez was conflicted, she was proud of her daughter for standing up to Lexi and protecting those close to her. On the other hand she knew she could not condone the way Santana had chose to handle it.

Sue Sylvester was also in the room on the side of her head Cheerio's and for some reason Ms. Thompson was there on the side of Lexi, who was undoubtedly one of her favorite students. Ms. Thompson backed up Lexi's side of the story and claimed that both Rachel and Santana are troublemakers who are always starting fights unprovoked and are disruptive during class time.

"Now that we have given you both the chance to explain your side, I have an anonymous video of what had taken place in the hallway." Figgins told them holding up the flash drive in which said video was stored upon. Lexi's eyes went wide at the evidence that would prove that she had exaggerated her side and proved Santana's innocence.

"Anonymous my ass, it was that Jewfro creeper Jacob Ben Israel who has stalked my girlfriend since the second grade." Santana sneered as those in the room who knew who he was grimaced. Mrs. Rolland made a face at the word girlfriend and Figgins gave Santana a warning look before playing the video on the computer screen.

Everyone watched in shock as the scene unfolded from the beginning of the confrontation to the end where Santana rushed over to try to console her distraught girlfriend. Coach Sylvester stood there completely stoic with an unreadable expression.

"Where's the bear?" The coach asked her voice completely void of emotion. Lexi's eyes went wide, it was never a good sign when Sue got that tone.

"I... I..." she stumbled.

"I have it coach, the little Cheerio Rolland's gave it to hold on to grew a soul and gave it back." Quinn informed them, pulling the black bear out of her bag before safely tucking it away again. Santana looked at it with relief as Sue nodded stiffly.

"That little traitor." Lexi mumbled under her breath, but everyone heard it loud and clear.

"No, Rollands you're the traitor. Though I do admire your drive and ability to claw your way to the top with your weirdly deformed lemur claws," both Lexi and her mother's mouths dropped, as Santana and Quinn snickered.

"I will not put up with the mutiny against your captain and your second in command because going against them is like going against me and no one goes against me. I will also not put up with the the downright torment of your fellow teammates or you teammate's significant other. Especially when even I can admit that Streisand here has been through enough. So effective today, you are off the Cheerio's until you can change your attitude. Turn in your uniform tomorrow morning." Sue said as she left the room, not even giving the stunned girl a chance to respond.

"Principle Figgins, you can not allow this to happen. This delinquent attacked my daughter and she's the one being punished?" Mrs. Rolland asked in outrage.

"Hold on just a minute! I may not approve of how Santana lashed out, but she is not a delinquent. Your daughter is far from innocent from what I saw on that video," Maria defended her daughter ready to go toe to toe with his woman if need be. She knew Santana was far from innocent and judging by Lexi's face, her daughter had done some damage, but she also knew the kind-hearted person that lay just beneath her 'badass' exterior and she knew that Santana had been provoked.

"My daughter was being a normal teenager, if your daughter and her little girlfriend," she spat out the last word with disgust. "Can't take a little teasing and a harmless prank, then they have a huge wake up call in life. They will have a hell of a lot more of it considering their lifestyle choice," Santana was about to jump up and inform the ignorant woman how it wasn't a choice, but her mother held up a hand to stop her.

"What I saw on that video was not a little teasing, it was downright harassment. Not only is it going beyond the normal teenage bullying, but she stole from my daughter's girlfriend and that threat you made, you may not believe it to be serious, but I can assure you it is very serious," Maria said venomously. It was almost as if she were a mother bear, protecting her cubs.

"Hold up, I didn't steal anything, someone else took that bear out of her bag, and that wasn't even a threat it was a joke that meant nothing," Lexi tried to defend herself, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her seat with a cocky smile. She really believed being kicked off the Cheerio's was that worst they could do to her and she didn't even believe that would last long. Sue needed her if she wanted another championship win and there was no way they'd be able to replace her in time.

"But you told them to do it and I'm sure your so called friends will give you up in a second," Lexi paled a little because she knew Quinn was right, her very own little minion had already traded her in, there was no doubt the rest would do the same if they Sue threatened them. "Also that threat and it was a threat, will be taken very seriously by the police for sexual harassment," at that she went completely pale before her stare hardened again.

"Well if I go down for sexual harassment, Santana will just go down harder for assault," Lexi said smugly making both cheerleaders growl.

"Enough. There is no need to get the police involved" Figgin's protested more concerned with the reputation of the school. Both parents agreed, neither wanted their daughter to be in that much trouble.

"Alright Ms. Lopez, you are suspended for two days effective tomorrow, followed by two weeks of detention." Santana sighed knowing she couldn't fight it. Lexi smiled and giggle at the darker girls expense.

"Not so fast, Ms. Rolland, you are also suspended for two days, followed by two weeks detention," Lexi's eyes went comically wide.

"What? That's so unfair!" she yelled jumping out of her seat.

"I believe it is very fair. We take this type of harassment very seriously," Figgins said sternly, causing Quinn and Santana to roll their eyes knowing that if there wasn't a physical fight he wouldn't be doing anything about it, however, they were still grateful she was still getting punished they were almost afraid Figgins was going to let her get away with it.

"You are also to stay away from Ms. Lopez and Ms. Berry. Ms. Lopez, it would also be wise for both you and Ms. Berry to avoid contact with Ms. Rolland as well." Figgins declared, making them both nod their heads solemnly.

"Yes sir," Lexi grumbled.

"Not gonna be a problem for me," Santana stated, more then happy to avoid the psychopathic bitch.

The meeting was adjourned and Ms. Thompson was asked to remain behind. She knew she was in for it, this was the second time she was caught singling out Rachel. Lexi and her mother left the room first, as Figgins called to Maria before they left to go find Rachel and Brittany.

"Mrs. Lopez, could you please ask the Abrams' to come and see me? At least one of them should be in Ms. Pillsbury's office with Ms. Berry," Maria nodded leading the girl out of the room and towards the guidance councilors office.

They found Rachel cuddled close to Brittany as both Ms. Pillsbury and Tim Abrams tried to talk to her. Kara was unable to get off work because she could not cancel on her patients, but she's been told about the situation and she was extremely unhappy about it.

Both Santana and Quinn wanted to reach out to the catatonic girl, but they were afraid of how she would react. Maria went up to Tim and whispered in his ear, causing him to nod and kneel down next to Rachel.

"Rach, I'm going to go have a chat with Principle Figgins, but I'll be right back, okay?" he asked and when he got no response, he sighed and left. Santana wanted to reach out to her girlfriend desperately. She looked to Ms. Pillsbury for guidance, and the red headed counselor nodded encouragingly.

"Rae-Rae? Can you talk to me, baby?" she asked placing her hand on the girls forearm but quickly retracted it when her small girlfriend flinched away violently, burying herself further into Brittany. Santana felt the tears flow freely down her cheeks. She never wanted Rachel to react that way when she touched her. It gave her the most awful feeling inside to watch the girl she loved pull away from her.

"Can I try?" Quinn asked timidly, hoping maybe she could get Rachel to listen. Ms. Pillsbury nodded, but you could tell by her eyes that she didn't believe it would do much.

"Hey Rach, why don't you tell us what's wrong sweetie? So we can help you," Quinn tried reaching out but only received the same response as Santana, only this time she started shaking. Quinn backed away quickly with tears in her eyes as Brittany rocked and cooed to the girl in her arms gently, calming her rather quickly.

"That's how she's been since she got here. She'll only let Brittany touch her but she won't answer anyone even Brittany," Ms. Pillsbury told them sadly.

Everyone was worried including Brittany, though she was only a little more content then the others because she was able to provide some form of comfort to the little diva. Being allowed to touch her friend was the only thing keeping her from crying hysterically.

"Alright, I was able to get a hold of Dr. Cordell and she wants to see you straight away Rachel," Tim said, entering the office after having finished his meeting with Figgins in which he was informed of the situation and shown the video.

Brittany tried to remove herself from the small body attached to her, but Rachel whimpered and held on tighter, causing Brittany to immediately stop moving away to wrap her arms back around her. Santana felt a flare of jealousy towards her best friend that she never thought she would have against the tall blonde. She had certainly been jealous of other people because she once thought she was in love with the dancer. But that love was no where near what she felt for Rachel and seeing her wanting Brittany over her and not even being allowed to comfort her was really making her jealous of her best friend. She had to bite her tongue to keep from saying something because she knew if Rachel was at all aware of what was going on around her at this point it only upset her more. It would also upset Brittany and though she may be jealous of her right now, she didn't want to upset her. Quinn seemed to notice the spark in her friends eyes and placed a comforting hand on the Latina's shoulder, which she was grateful for as it helped her calm down a bit.

"Do you want Brittany to come with us?" Tim asked carefully and they got the first response from Rachel since the hallway as she nodded. Ms. Pillsbury was quickly on the phone with Brittany's parents to get permission to dismiss her. After she explained the situation the Dutch girls's parent quickly gave the okay for her to be dismissed and go with them to Rachel's emergency appointment.

After everything was settled, Quinn went back to class after making Santana promise to call her and let her know when she could come over to be there for Rachel and to let her know of any updates.

* * *

><p>Jill took Rachel back immediately, allowing Brittany in as well because Rachel still refused to let go of the tall blonde. Santana paced nervously in the waiting room as Tim and Maria fidgeted in their seats. After about half an hour Jill emerged from the room and because their was no one else in the small waiting room she decided it would be okay to talk to them here.<p>

"Hello Mr. Abrams," she greeted her old friend with a hand shake and looked towards the nervous teenager. "You must be Santana?" she asked holding out her hand, which Santana quickly shook while nodding her head.

"Yes, and this is my mother Maria Lopez," she introduced and Jill shook her hand as well.

"Brittany explained what happened today, because Rachel is not speaking at all. Though she doesn't know how Rachel's hands were burned," Jill told them.

"I caught her in the bathroom running them under scolding hot water. She told me Lexi was making fun of her specifically calling her Manhands and telling her I was going to leave her because she wasn't a real girl," Santana explained the fist clenching at the fresh memory. Tim and Maria's mouths dropped in shock. "She said she was trying to fix them and when I calmed her down, she realized that she was physically hurting the part of her that was verbally attacked," Jill nodded and made a note in her pad.

"I will speak with her about that more in depth when we get her past this. Now I think Rachel is attaching herself to Brittany because she is the one who went to her first when she was starting to become upset, but I think there's a little more to this. Santana, I hate to ask this, but did you and Rachel always get along?" There was a long pause as Santana's eyes went wide and she squirmed uncomfortably. Maria watched her daughter with great interest and a sense of dread. She thought the whole glee club got along, at least that's how Santana always made it sound.

"No. I don't like admitting it or even thinking about it, but I bullied Rachel for a very long time before we became friends" Santana confessed a feeling of shame over coming her as she dropped her head so she wouldn't meet anyone's eyes.

"Santana Alejandra Lopez! Please tell me you are not being serious?" Maria demanded, glaring at her only daughter. She and her husband have always tried to instill in their children that bullying is wrong. She knew they were a sarcastic and snarky family, but she never thought her own daughter would use that to become a bully.

"It's true," she said tears streaming down her face. "I was afraid of my feelings for her and she was at the bottom and I was on the top. If I didn't join in then people would start to become suspicious and I was just too afraid to of being who I was. Rachel was the most bullied kid in school, Kurt got a lot of it, but for a very long time Rachel didn't even have friends, he did have at least that. Brittany was the only one who went of her way to be nice to her. She was sneaky about it and she told us that Rachel was her ninja friend." She laughed remembering when Brittany had told her that, it was a little after Santana finally confessed her feelings to her and Quinn.

"That actually explains a lot. Seeing you act out the way you did in the hall brought back memories of her father's abuse, but it also brought back the abuse she use to get from everyone else including you. She knows deep down that you would never hurt her, but right now her mind can't rationalize that" she explained and the guilt and despair in Santana's eyes killed everyone.

Maria was extremely disappointed in her daughter, but right now wasn't the time to deal with that. Right now Rachel needed them all to be level headed and strong. After listening to Santana, she also understood a little more that when you're that scared of your feelings and have no one to talk to about it, it can turn you into someone you're not.

"Santana, no matter what I'm saying now, this isn't your fault. Lexi is the one who beat her down to this point, seeing you violently act out was her breaking point because she doesn't want to see the one she loves that way. Do you understand me?" Santana nodded though the guilt was still there in her eyes and Jill sighed.

"I'm going to talk to Rachel for a little while longer. Hopefully I can break her out of this trance and we can go from there." They all nodded and Tim thanked her. She smiled sadly as she patted Santana on the shoulder and re-entered the room with Brittany and Rachel.

"Mami?" Santana said looking at her mother in shame.

"I am extremely disappointed in you Santana." the younger Latina nodded closing her eyes in shame.

"But, I do understand that you were afraid. I remember how scared you were when you finally came out to us. I don't approve of the way you handled it, but right now we're going to leave it because Rachel needs us. We'll talk more about this at another time," Santana nodded feeling somewhat relieved that her mother didn't hate her. She sat down and continued to stare at the door, wishing for nothing more then to be able to be on the other side holding her girlfriend and inhaling her sweet scent.

* * *

><p>Rachel felt like there were a million different things going on in her head at once. All of Lexi's taunts continued to assault her mind, but they weren't in the cruel cheerleaders voice, instead they took on the voice of her sweet girlfriend's, reminding her that she was once her tormentor as well. She fought to remind herself that Santana was no longer that person, but it seemed the harder she fought, the louder the voices got.<p>

She was aware of everything going on around her, she knew she was at Dr. Cordell's office wrapped protectively in Brittany's arms. She could hear Dr. Cordell speaking to her, trying to gage some sort of reaction from the diva. But she didn't trust herself to speak, she was so afraid of what would come out if she did. She knew Santana would never physically hurt her, but seeing her act out the way she did frightened her. She had been on the receiving end of the Latina's verbal abuse, and she was learning to move on from that, but she never wanted to see her react violently. It reminded her so much of her farther and every time she thought about it she went right back to that house where mental and physical abuse was just part of the daily routine.

"Rachel, Santana told me about the bullying." Jill said as Rachel's head shot up, her eyes suddenly focusing as she returned from her catatonic state.

"She shouldn't have told you that, it's in the past. It doesn't matter anymore." Rachel tried to argue though she knew her voice was to quiet and soft to hold any truth.

"I think it does." the psychologist prompted as Rachel began shaking her head frantically.

"She's right Rae, you keep saying you forgive us for everything and I believe you really think you have, but it still affects you. When Santana gets all mean because she wants to protect you, you get scared because that's how she used to act towards you and your dad was really scary like San was today." Brittany spoke up causing both women to look up at the simple minded blonde.

"It's okay to feel this way you know, it's normal. But you need to talk about it or you're going to continue feeling icky about it and your going to continue pushing Santana away and that will make you both really sad and I hate it when my friends are sad, it makes me sad too," Rachel smiled up at Brittany and cupped the blonde's cheek.

"You were never really apart of the bullying Britt, you did what you had to, but then you always found a way to show me you never really meant it. I never considered you a part of people who were mean to me," Rachel explained causing Brittany to smile and take the hand cupping her cheek and kissing it.

"I'm happy you know I never wanted to mean to you." Jill watched the girls with great interest and amazement and concluded that this wasn't just a friendship, it was a sisterhood.

"But you need to talk to San about all of this." Rachel looked down nervously, she didn't know if she could do that.

"I want to, but she really scared me. I'm still scared, when she reacted like that all I could think of was how my dad used to get when he was mad. Now I'm afraid that is all I will see when I look at her." Rachel confessed, tears finally breaking free from their prison.

"This is normal Rachel, acts of violence will bring these memories back. But you have the power now, fight back and take control. Santana loves you and she only wants to protect you because that's what you do for the people you love." Jill started to explain. "Did she do it the wrong way? Yes, she did. Just take a few days and remind yourself of everything you love about her and everything loving she has done for you, and when you're ready you need to talk to her about everything, including the past bullying." Rachel sighed, this was such a long process. She hated that she was scared of the one person who actually loved her for who she was. She despised her father for doing this to her, for making her feel so helpless and taking away any her ability to feel safe and secure. She knew that Santana loved her, she'd proved it in multiple ways, she just couldn't bring herself to believe that someone as special as Santana was in love with someone as sordid as herself.

Both Brittany and Jill could tell that Rachel was still hiding within herself, but they knew they had at least broken through the top barrier that had form over the past few hours. Now most of it was up to Santana and Rachel.

* * *

><p>The Lopez's did not ground Santana for the fight with Lexi, they had decided that the suspension and the detentions were enough punishment. Her main punishment was that Rachel was still not talking to the Latina, which broke her heart into a million pieces. She'd moped around the house like someone had kicked her puppy ever since they'd gotten back from Dr. Cordell's office. They couldn't help but feel for their daughter. The two days of her suspension when by slowly, but when she was finally able to return to school she felt a nervous excitement take over because she was finally being able to see her girlfriend and have a chance to make this right. Walking into homeroom though, she immediately deflated as she noticed Rachel was sitting in the far corner by herself. She was just thankful Lexi had been moved to a different homeroom, as she dishearteningly plopped herself down in her seat next to Puck.<p>

"She's been ignoring everyone who isn't Brittany. The diva twins tried to corner her and make her talk, but Quinn blew up at them and they backed down. I think you're the only one whose going to get through to her." Puck informed her as Santana kept stealing glances back of her closed off girlfriend.

"I know, I just don't know how." she answered defectively. Puck gave her a supportive pat on the shoulder.

"You will San, Rachel loves you too much to not at least give you a chance." Puck tried to encourage as Santana prayed he was right.

Having almost every class with Rachel was one of the best things about her schedule, and she was going to try to use that to her advantage to talk to the diva. But she always managed to get there before her and isolate herself in the corner of the room where there was no room to sit beside her. Santana sighed as she took her seat next to Quinn feeling defeated and wanting to cry because she was almost sure she had lost her girlfriend.

"Don't you dare even think that" Quinn demanded.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Santana asked not really in the mood to play mind games.

"Don't you dare think that you lost her." Santana looked up at one of her best friends with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh please don't act so surprised, I know you way too well and that look on your face is telling me you've given up." The head cheerleader said before sighing.

"You can't give up because that what she wants. Don't you see S, Rachel is looking for reasons to go back into herself and if she believes for one second you've given up on her and moved on then she will continue to retreat into herself until she's even blocking Brittany out. We were so close to having the old midget back and even though she's way too loud and bossy, I can honestly say I miss her." Santana sighed and ran her hand through her ponytail, she knew Quinn was right, but she had no idea how to fix this. She never thought she would have to convince her own girlfriend to not be afraid of her. Suddenly an idea came to her as she smiled causing Quinn to quark and eyebrow.

"I've got an idea, but I'm going to need your help." Santana began to explain her idea and Quinn couldn't help but smile herself. They were going to win Rachel's trust back.

The plan was set into motion the next day as Rachel walked into school with Brittany glued to her side. Brittany knew she couldn't force the diva to deal with her emotions, but she definitely wasn't going to abandon her friend when she needed her. For now, she was just going to be there for her anyway she could. As they approached the brunette's locker, Brittany smiled as she noticed the note taped to the locker and knew that Santana had set her plan in motion. Rachel looked at it confusingly and then up at Brittany, who only nodded and motioned for her to open it. She found herself unable to contain the smile as she recognized Santana familiar perfect script on the yellow paper.

_Rae-Rae,_

_You deserve the world and more. I wish I could take away everything bad in this world so that it can never touch you. I know I can't and I hate that it had already touched you and that I was a part of that. You are the reason I get up in the morning and will always be the only one for me. I can never say sorry enough for forcing you back to that dark place. You have to know that was never my intention. I just wanted to protect you, you mean the world to me and if anything were to take it away, I would die. I love you with everything that I am, I would give my life for you. I don't want you to forgive me because I know I don't deserve that, I just want you to know you are the brightest star and without you I would be completely lost because I would have no light to guide my way. I hope you will give me the chance to see your light again because without it, I'm nothing._

_I love you forever, Estrella,_

_Santana_

Rachel found herself caught between a sob and a laugh. The letter was so sweet and sappy she knew Santana put away a lot of her pride to write this very unbadass letter. It made her heart thump a little faster and gave her those butterflies she had been missing the past few days. It wasn't enough to make the uneasy feeling go away, but it was definitely a start. When she opened her locker, she was shocked to find a box of vegan candies. She only briefly wondered how they managed to break into her locker as she ran her hand over the box before tucking it away for later. Brittany smiled as she noticed a small glimpse of light return to the tiny diva's eyes, she wasn't sure if Rachel was ready to forgive her best friend, but she knew it was a start. She'd give anything to take away Rachel's pain and she knew that Santana was the only one that could do that.

* * *

><p>Finn jogged up to Rachel after her and Brittany parted ways. He put on his infamous crooked boyish smile as he leaned up against the wall next to her.<p>

"Hey Rach, I heard what Lexi did and I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I never expected her to do anything like that. I swear if I knew what she was going to do I would have stopped her." He told her as Rachel shifted nervously next to him.

"Thank you Finn." She accepted his apology as she tried to make her way into her classroom, but he blocked her way with his large frame.

"I was hoping I could take you out and make it up to you. I miss you Rach." He said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Rachel sighed looking up at her ex-boyfriend.

"No Finn, I already told you I don't like you that way. I'm still with Santana, we may be in a hard place right now but I still love her." she told him truthfully. She saw anger flash in his eyes and she took a step back and tried to keep herself from panicking. She'd seen that anger before, it was the same look her father had gotten before he stuck. The same wild look Santana had possessed before she pounced at Lexi. The same look that haunted her every night as she tried to sleep.

"That slut scared you so much you're avoiding her. I would never ever make you feel that way Rachel." He told her desperately holding on to her shoulder as she shook in fear.

"No, you just teamed up with the girl who tormented me, thinking that would get my attention. You don't really love me Finn, you love the attention I give you. If you really did care about me, you wouldn't have kept breaking up with me when it was convenient for you, just move on please."

With that Rachel broke out of Finn's light grip and walked into her class, leaving the tall boy standing there stunned.

* * *

><p>Throughout the day Rachel kept getting these little cards and gifts placed at her desk and her confrontation with Finn was completely forgotten. With each one she blushed more and more and more light returned to the recently dim brown eyes. There were even a few from her friends expressing everything they felt.<p>

_Rach,_

_I don't and never will deserve any of your forgiveness. I was jealous of you, that's why I did all of those horrible things to you. You're so confident in yourself and you know where you're going in life, I didn't at the time. I know now because of you, I want to be a photographer, I always hide my passion from everyone because I was afraid I wasn't good enough. But you found my secret stash of photo's and make me feel like I'm Ansel Addams. I also thought you had the perfect family, but I was wrong about that and I wish I had looked a little closer. I took my own father's hatred out on you and you had to deal with even worse at your own home. You somehow became my best friend and I hate seeing you like this. I just want my best friend back, I need my best friend back._

_Love,_

_Quinn_

Rachel couldn't help but smile at that letter, she was so happy Quinn has decided to pursue what she loved and was amazing at. If she was honest with herself Quinn had become her best friend as well, beside Santana of course. She was to Rachel what Brittany was to Santana.

_Rae,_

_I hate it when you're sad and now San is sad too. I also hate how afraid you are. I wish I could make all the monsters in your life go away. I'll even come over to your house every night to check under your bed to make sure they didn't come back if I had to. I know you're letting me be near yo, and that's the only thing that's keeping me from being really sad and crying. I want to be strong for you because you're so small and cute. I wish I knew how to make you realize none of us would ever hurt you the way your dad did. We love you too much._

_Love,_

_Britt_

Rachel smiled again the innocence in Brittany's letter. But there was also wisdom, she was so emotionally put together it was scary sometimes. She hated that she was hurting them, but she just didn't know how not to be scared. The other letters were from the rest of the glee club with the exception of Finn. Sam's letter consisted of little jokes and lots of Avatar quotes that made her smile, Mercedes and Kurt wrote one together telling her how much they missed their fellow diva and how she needed to get better because NYADA was calling their names. Puck's letter made her tear up a little when he called her his Jewish princess and told her, he would never let anyone hurt her ever again. The final letter hit her the hardest and made her realize that she needed to get better.

_Rachel,_

_I can honestly say I never paid much attention to you before you started hanging out with the Unholy Trinity. I thought you were a diva and that's all I really tried to find out about you. I learned how wrong I was though. You are such an amazing person and I wish I never let myself judge you just because everyone else was doing it. I hate what happened to you, but I'm not sorry that it brought you to my family. You are the missing piece that was haunting us. You are not my foster sister, you ARE my sister, and I want to protect you the way a brother should._

_Love your brother,_

_Artie_

She tucked the letters away in her backpack and headed to her last class to find Santana had beaten her there. She was surprised that the Latina didn't try to capture her attention and seemed to be respecting her space for now. She looked at her desk to find a stuffed bear placed on top of her desk holding yet another card. She looked over to Santana who was trying to discreetly look back at the diva, however the minute she noticed the diva looking at her she looked away blushing. Rachel had to hold back a chuckle at the image of the fierce Latina going into a Build-A-Bear store to make this bear herself. That in itself made her heart melt as she picked up the letter and began to read it.

_Rae-Rae,_

_I know you have your father's bear back, which I am extremely grateful for. This bear isn't meant to be a better model or to replace the special bond you have with the one your daddy gave you. This is meant to be our bear, it's a winter bear because we got together in the winter. I know that may sound dumb but the minute I saw it, I thought of that day at the river. How it was really cold but my heart felt so warm once you said those three words back to me. I also thought me sort of making the bear and kissing the heart stuffed inside it would make it even more special to you. I hope you will be able to hold this bear and think of me when I'm not able to hold you. I want you to always feel safe and maybe with your father's bear as well as our bear watching over you, you will make you always feel protected._

_I love you forever Estrella,_

_Santana_

Rachel covered her mouth to keep herself from crying, she looked at the blue bear with snowflakes covering it and felt that warmth in her heart that Santana was talking about. It was really starting to remind her how safe she really felt with Santana. She looked over at the Latina to notice her now openly watching her with concerned eyes. Rachel smiled at her and Santana felt her heart jump, that was the first smile she had seen on Rachel beautiful face in three days. It was truly one that could just brighten a whole room.

Rachel mouthed "choir room" to the cheerleader who nodded in understanding. They would meet there during last period, which was free period for both of them and finally talk.

* * *

><p>Santana paced nervously outside the choir room as she tried to build up the courage to go in. This was the moment she had been waiting for, for three days. She'd been waiting to talk to Rachel and get this all straightened out, but she couldn't bring herself to open the door, to where she knew Rachel was already waiting on the other side for her. She knew it was a slim chance, but she couldn't help but worry that Rachel had changed her mind. The she was still terrified of her and had decided that they couldn't be together anymore. Santana felt tears stinging in her eyes as she shakily reached for the door handle.<p>

"Just go in San" The Latina looked up to find Brittany standing there with her arms crossed over her chest giving her that stern yet encouraging look that only the dancer could give.

"What if I do something to screw it up even more? I can't lose her Britt." Santana whimpered.

"The only way you're going to lose her is if you don't go in that room and fix this. She loves you San, I saw her eyes become brighter with every note she got from you today. You just need to remind her of how good you make her feel." Brittany told her with innocent wisdom making Santana smile.

"You're right, here goes nothing" she said going to open the door, but before she did she turned back to her blonde friend.

"Thanks for everything Britt-Britt. I'm so thankful that Rae had you to lean on through all of this." She said.

"Anytime San, you know Rachel means just as much to me as she does to you." The blonde smiled.

Santana beamed as she slowly turned the doorknob. "You better be going to class, Britt, Rachel will kill me if she finds out you skipped."

"Oh I know I'm going, just needed to make sure you didn't wimp out." She winked before skipping away. Santana scoffed before taking a deep breath and opening the door to the choir room, it was now or never.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 15

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh! Also please check out kitaleigh's work because it's amazing my personal favorite is her RPF Who Knew which is about Lea/Naya. She also has amazing Puck/Santana/Rachel fics, Faberry fic, and Puckelberry fics. So please check out her stuff it's amazing! :)

* * *

><p>Santana opened the choir room door to reveal a nervous looking Rachel waiting for her. The Latina took a few seconds to admire how beautiful her girlfriend was even when her face was scrunching up as she fidgeted nervously. She knew this was serious, but she couldn't help but find her girlfriend adorable and gorgeous at that moment and fall a little more in love with her. Rachel looked up when she felt eyes on her, only to find Santana staring at her. When her chocolate brown eyes locked on the dark, almost black eyes of her girlfriend, she felt her breath hitch at the loving gaze in her eyes.<p>

"Hey beautiful," Santana greeted with a smile on her full lips.

"Hello Santana," the cheerleader's smile dropped a little at the formal greeting and sighed, they had a long way to go.

"Can I sit next to you?" She asked, eyeing the empty space next to the small diva on the piano bench.

Rachel bit her lower lip hesitantly as she thought about it for a moment before nodding slowly. Santana had to contain herself from sprinting to the empty spot, anything that would allow her to be close to Rachel. She didn't like this nervous feeling, it as if they had gone back to the beginning when they were first forming their friendship and Santana sighed heavily when she realized that this was how things had to be in order for them to move on.

They sat there in uncomfortable silence for about five minutes, neither sure how to start this conversation. "Rachel, I am so sorry. I never meant to scare you," Santana finally said trying to gage her reaction by looking into her eyes, but the smaller girl refused to looked up.

"I know you didn't mean it 'Tana," she replied in a small voice. "I know you were only trying to protect me, and the notes you and everyone else wrote were lovely. They reminded me of how safe you all make me feel," Santana watched as she rambled in that small voice that she hates. This voice just isn't her voice, it's not the loud, strong, bossy, and demanding voice she fell in love with. It's not her Rachel. This is the small girl at her most vulnerable, the girl she had shaken and scared in her acts of violence.

"I love you, but I'm still scared and I don't know why," she said finally looking up with tears in her eyes, her voice cracking with emotion. Santana frowned softly moving to take her hand but stopping when she noticed her flinch.

"It's because we treated you like crap for the longest time, I treated you like crap. All because I was too scared of my feelings. You may say you have forgiven us and maybe you have, but it still effects you and we never really talked about how the past has hurt you," Santana explained to her.

She felt guilty everyday for the way she use to treat her girlfriend, she never deserved any of that. No ones does. However, she didn't want to face it, none of them did. The past scared them all in more ways than one and reliving it, opening up new old wounds that never healed, scares them. They knew that had to, they had to face up to who they were in the past and help Rachel get better.

"I never wanted to hold that against you, I know I wasn't exactly the easiest person to get along with," Rachel tried to defend them, and Santana knew none of them deserved that. Part of her believing she deserved all that was from her farther, his constant demeaning had been permanently burned into her mind, but a good part of it was from them as well.

"No, do not think for a second you deserved any of that," Santana said fiercely causing the girl next to her to jump slightly.

"Shit, I'm sorry," she apologized as Rachel's muscles slowly un-tensed. "It just kills me that you think like that, that you or anyone else deserves the kind of torture we put you through. Nobody deserves that, Rachel. We had no right to treat you the way we did, not even me being scared of my feelings can justify that. I don't deserve you, but somehow I managed to get you. I wish I could make you see how amazing you truly are," Santana told her tears threatening to escape.

"You're amazing too, Santana." Rachel replied and Santana shook her head.

"No, don't do that. This is about you Rach, I know I've changed, but you have always been amazing. Always held your head up high no matter what we did to you. I'm going to prove to you how sorry I am and how much I love you, even if I have to spend the rest of my life doing it." Santana said tears finally breaking free.

"You're right, the past does effect me. I sometimes find myself wondering if this is just a prank or a dream. I'm scared I'm going to wake up and be back home, covered in bruises and you hating me." Rachel confessed, sobs beginning to rack her body.

"Oh baby girl, why didn't you tell me? This isn't a dream and this is definitely not a prank. I know I can be cruel, but I'm not completely cold hearted. I'd never be able to purposely hurt you, especially now that I'm so incredibly in love with you. I know this is difficult and I know that it's hard to believe me with everything that's happened, but you have to know that I'd never hurt you again, I'd rather die than see you in pain." she answered as she tried again to take Rachel's hand, sighing in relief when the diva allowed her to loosely tangle their fingers together.

Rachel took a deep breath and closed her eyes, thinking carefully about Santana's words. She hated that the one person she loved the most brought back horrible memories. She hated that her father had taken away her only chance to be happy, that he had taken her sense of stability and trust. "I know you're not the same person you use to be and you're not cold hearted, I know how sweet, caring, and protective you are, but I can't stop myself from thinking about it" she whispered tensing only slightly at the feather light touch of hands on hers.

"I do love you, you know. That hasn't changed, no matter how messed up things get, I'll always love you." Rachel said looking up from their hands to her girlfriend's face.

"I know, I can see it in your eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes are so expressive when you take down the mask you're constantly hiding behind." She told her shyly, causing Rachel to cock her head to the side with a loving and apprehensive expression.

She carefully moved closer to the darker girl and tightened her grip on her hand being mindful of the burns and blisters on her own hand. Santana's breaths stilled for a moment almost afraid to move in fear that Rachel would change her mind and move away and break their contact completely. She sighed in relief when instead of moving away she actually maneuvered herself so that she was nestled snugly within her arms.

Santana sighed contently at the feeling of having the tiny girl wrapped around her and wasted no time pulling her in closer. Inhaling the diva's sweet scent, she felt the tension from the last three days begin to slip away. Out of instinct, she put her hand up the back of her girlfriends shirt and gently ran her finger nails up and down her girlfriend's back, appreciating the smooth skin she felt beneath her fingertips. She smiled when Rachel hummed in approval and relaxed further into Santana.

"How do we move past this?" Rachel asked softly also relishing in the feeling of being back in her lover's warm embrace and being able to inhale her spicy scent, intoxicating her as if it were a drug.

"We don't, we accept it." Santana replied, Rachel looked up at her curiously her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"We can't move past it. It's important that we continue to deal with it so that it doesn't build up again in either of us. I still think you're forgiving us to easily, but I'm not going to complain because I finally have you back in my arms and this time, I am not letting go." She told her tightening her hold and kissing the top of her head. Rachel nodded not willing to argue the point any more and starting to believe maybe Santana was right maybe it wasn't her fault.

"You're right, I think I'm finally starting to realize it wasn't me, but everyone else who had the problem, but it's still hard to wrap my head around. Everyone has always told me that I'm the problem and I deserved everything, it's not easy to just stop believing that. I may forgive, but I can't forget." Rachel said while playing with the ring on Santana's finger.

She smiled as she remembered when Santana told her that her Abuela had given it to her and she wore it everyday now to feel close to her. Santana's grandmother had been one of the most important people in her life and it hurt that she couldn't come to terms with her sexuality just yet. She smiled, feeling quite honored that Santana trusted her enough to share that with her. It was hard to believe this girl who trusted her and loved her with her entire heart was the same girl that was adding to her living hell only a few months ago.

"I know sweetheart, I can't tell how incredibly sorry I am for the past. I know nothing I say or do can make up for the way I treated you, but I'm hoping that together, we can create an amazing future together. I want to spend each day making it up to you," Santana whispered in her ear. Rachel hummed in approval when the Latina softly kissed her neck.

"Thank you, for saying that. It really means a lot to me." Rachel smiled up at her girlfriend who smiled right back.

"Now that we have talked about that, how about we talk about what went on with Lexi?" Santana ventured carefully. She felt Rachel stiffen in her arms, so she brought her hand under the girls chin and gently tipped her head up so that she could look into uncertain brown eyes.

"You need to talk about it, Rachel, what Lexi did was wrong and because of it I ended up scaring you. You can't hold that in either. You knew talking about the bullying from the past was only going to be the start of this conversation." Santana told her gently and Rachel nodded slowly.

"I know, talking about the past was hard enough. What went on in that hallway is still fresh, I know we need to talk about it, but can we do it later?" Rachel asked hopefully, she didn't want to get into how it made her feel, because she knew it would bring back up the bullying that they had just put to rest and even worse it would bring up what her farther had done to her.

"No Rae-Rae we can't. I know you well enough to know that if we ignore this now then there's a good chance you will keep avoiding it. I don't want you to shrink back into yourself, into that scared little girl. You're not her anymore, Rachel, you're so much stronger than she is, you can talk to me baby girl." Santana told her, the tiny diva took in a deep breath.

"She just made me feel so horrible about myself, like how I felt when I was with my farther." Rachel confessed nuzzling in closer when she felt the darker haired girl's arms wrap around her a little tighter as she let out a barely audible growl at the mention of her farther.

"I thought I would be able to handle the taunts, because now I have people who care about me. But it brought me right back to that house, to when I had nobody. He use to call me names all the time, he made me feel ugly and worthless. That's how I felt in that hallway but only it wasn't Lexi's voice or his voice anymore, it was yours." She confessed sadly, Santana closed her eyes in shame.

"That's why it hurt so much, I didn't want to think you thought those things of me. But you use to call me the exact same nicknames all the time. Then you got so angry and the look in your eyes reminded me of his when he would go into one of his rages." She was openly crying now, burying her head into Santana's chest and letting everything out. Santana moved her fingers to the smaller girl's back once again and ran her finger nails up and down, noticing it had an amazing soothing effect on the girl whose sobs turned into sniffles in less than a minute.

"Oh baby girl, I am so sorry," Santana apologized, gently kissing the brunette's head. "Let it out sweetie, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you're safe with me, I won't ever hurt you again. You're so beautiful and amazing Rach, I love you so much." Santana soothed, continuing her gentle massage with her fingernails on the smaller girl's back.

She'd never felt guilter then she did now. How could she have ever been so cruel to the girl she loved? How could she let her emotions get the better of her when she knew those actions would in the end upset Rachel? Deep down she knew why. She knew why she constantly brought Rachel down and degraded her and she hated to admit it. She hated that seeing Rachel humiliated took away some of her own humiliation, eased away some of her own insecurities. It wasn't easy being gay, she knew that if any one found out she'd end up just like Rachel, cheerio or not. It wasn't like she chose to be this way, if she had it her way she would've been the good little girl her Abuela had wanted her to be. But she wasn't. She hated that the smaller girl's tears made her feel stronger, that for a moment she was able to pretend that there was nothing wrong with her. But she couldn't. She couldn't resist those deep brown eyes that pulled her in, she couldn't resist the temptation of those pouty pink lips or her shiny brown hair.

All she wanted was her girlfriend to feel protected and be happy. The thought that she was once a part of making her unhappy and seeing how it affected the small girl now was making her physically sick to her stomach. She held in her anger and continued to comfort her girlfriend, the one she knew she didn't deserve, but thanked god everyday for having.

After about ten minutes Rachel's breathing had evened out, Santana looked down to find the girl asleep on her chest. She smiled softly down at her.

"I promise baby, I'm going to be better for you, I'm going to take care of you." Santana whispered, kissing the top of the girls head as the glee club began to file in, giving the two odd questioning looks. Rory looked at the two with a concerned glance as he walked in next to Quinn.

"Are you both alright?" he whispered concerned, taking in both girl's tear stained cheeks.

"We're going to be." She assured him with a soft smile. Quinn raised her eyebrow and pursed her lips, silently asking how the talk between the two really went. Santana shook her head, a silent promise to explain everything later as Brittany walked over to the pair, giving them both a soft kiss on the cheek before finding her seat next to her boyfriend who was watching his sister and her girlfriend with concerned eyes as well.

"Later Q, but I promise we're going to be okay," she whispered to the short haired blonde gaining a uncertain nod as she went to take her own seat.

Mr. Schue entered, late as usual and stopped short when he noticed Rachel asleep in Santana's arms.

"Um. Santana what's going on? Is Rachel feeling sick?" He asked, not bothering to keep his voice down unlike everyone else who had spoken. She glared at the teacher as Rachel stirred slightly before nuzzling in closer.

"We're fine, but as you can see Rachel's exhausted. Would you mind if I took her home?" she asked, rolling her eyes as the teacher huffed in annoyance but nodded his consent.

Santana carefully woke the slumbering girl, smiling when she groaned in protest and tried to bury herself closer to her 'pillow' which was Santana's chest.

"Come on Rae-Rae it's time to go home, you can sleep when we get there." Santana encouraged earning a huff from the smaller girl as she silently stood up and walked out of the choir room with Santana without a uttering single word.

Once at the diva's house, Santana guided the emotionally and physically exhausted girl up to her room. She laid Rachel on her bed and cuddled in next to her, spooning the smaller girl from behind. Rachel let out a large sigh of content before falling back into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

><p>About two hours later Santana stirred at the sound of the front door being opened. She looked down to find Rachel still sleeping peacefully. She carefully disentangled herself from her tiny diva and made her way down downstairs to find Kara in the kitchen.<p>

"Hello, Mrs. Abrams." Santana greeted startling the older women, putting her hand over her heart before laughing at herself.

"Santana, I didn't expect you to be here dear." Kara greeted her with a hug. "But I have to say I am very glade to see you. Did you and Rachel finally work things out?" She asked with a warm smile on her face.

Santana nodded and then proceeded to tell her girlfriend's foster mother everything that had happened earlier that day. Kara listened intently, a feeling of sincere pride in both girls swelling within her. For Santana to admit to everything she has done truly shows what a mature young woman she was turning into, and for Rachel to open up about how everything has affected her is a huge step in her recovery and her growing up as well.

"I'm very proud of both of you. You and Rachel are truly great for each other. I know you two have only been together for about three weeks, but you're both going through so much and to be able to hold on and not loose each other is honestly amazing." Kara told her with a proud smile.

"Yeah, well I love her so. . ." she answered shyly shuffling her feet and looking at the floor.

"I don't doubt that for a second." Kara replied making Santana cheeks grow a little darker.

"I can't stop thinking about what I've done to her. I always thought it never really affected her, but now I know how much it does. I don't know how to make up for it, I hate myself for doing those things to her." Kara listened to Santana's rant silently, noticing the small figure in the doorway listening just as intently.

"Please don't hate yourself 'Tana," Rachel spoke up, causing Santana to whip around and look at her with surprised eyes.

"I'm not saying what you did wasn't wrong or that it doesn't hurt, but I can't handle you hating yourself, please don't let it come to that. I need you to be the amazing person I know you've grown into. I need you to be the amazing woman I love." Rachel said passionately, moving closer, not even hesitating to wrap her arms around the taller girl's waist before massaging the tense muscles she found in the girls lower back.

"You should hate me." Santana protested weakly, slowly giving into the feeling of Rachel's talented hands working the knots out of her back.

"I hate your past actions and who you pretended to be. I hate the girl that buried her feelings behind a mask and hid her inner beauty from the world. But I don't hate you because the girl I used to fear is completely different then the girl I have in my arms right now." Rachel assured her with a soft smile grinning internally as she watched Santana relax and give in.

"You're way too forgiving, mi Estrella." Santana whispered pulling the tiny body closer to hers.

"Just please don't break my heart, don't make me regret this, Santana, I don't think I'd make it if I lost you too." Rachel whispered back kissing the Latina chastely.

"I promise I will cherish your heart everyday you let me have it." Santana replied pulling her in for a deeper longer kiss. Her hands coming to rest on Rachel's soft cheeks and she forced their lips together. They stayed that way for a few minutes, their lips molding together and their together moving in sync, before Kara awkwardly cleared her throat reminding the couple that she was still in the room. They broke apart blushing furiously, their skin on fire with a passion that couldn't be detained.

"Rachel I'm glade you're doing better and I'm very proud of you," Kara told her, choosing not to comment on their small make out session. Rachel smiled, happy she made her foster mother proud.

"Santana, you are welcome to stay for dinner and spend the night if your parents agree. Tomorrow is Saturday so both Tim and I will be home all day if you need us." Kara offered.

"Thank you Mrs. Abrams, that would be awesome!" She answered pulling out her cellphone to do just that, she walked back in from the living room a few minutes later with a wide smile.

"She said yes." she told them wrapping her arms around Rachel from behind.

"Great, now you can sleep in Rachel's room in the bed together, provided the door stays opened." Rachel looked at the older woman in shock as Santana simply nodded in understanding her mother had the exact same rules since she came out as a lesbian.

"Don't look so surprised Rachel. Besides the fact that I trust both of you not to do anything with us in the house, Santana is eighteen and you're almost eighteen. As long as you both remain mature I will treat you like an adult couple, but that does not mean I will tolerate any type of sexual activity in my house." Rachel continued to stare at her foster mother in shock.

Rachel blinked in confusion, sure she'd thought about sex, what teenager didn't? She often thought about sex with Santana and how it would be, but she knew she wasn't ready for that type of commitment yet, however, hearing Kara imply that her and Santana were sexually active, stirred something inside of her, something that frightened and excited her at the same time.

Santana and Kara giggled at her reaction. "On the plus side, there isn't any chance you can get each other pregnant." Rachel's cheeks got so red they feared they would catch fire.

The other two laughed hysterically, before Santana grabbed Rachel's bandaged had and began dragging the flustered girl to her room while still laughing. She sat Rachel on the bed and kissed her neck, sucking lightly and bringing the girl out of her shock.

Rachel's eyes darkened as she climbed on top of her girlfriend and attached their lips, picking up where they left off in the kitchen. Santana growled and held onto Rachel's hips, thanking god for her wonderful girlfriend.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe we didn't get to perform our duets," Rachel grumbled, absentmindedly playing with Santana's fingers as they lied in her bed after dinner.<p>

"You heard Artie, Mr. Schue is going to let us go on Monday or Tuesday if you need more time. Don't worry baby girl, you and Mercedes will get your chance to rock that choir room with your combined divaness" Rachel laughed making Santana smile down at her. Suddenly Santana's phone went off, she looked down and sighed.

"It's Quinn, I've been ignoring everyone's texts. I guess they're getting worried." the cheerleader told her as the call ended only to light up again and start ringing.

"Answer it." Rachel told her and Santana did, placing it on speaker phone.

"About time you answer your damn phone." Quinn's soft voice came over the speaker.

"I've been a little busy. What's up tubbers?" Santana asked earning herself a elbow from a blushing Rachel.

"Just wanted to make sure both you and Rachel are alright, neither of you are answering your texts," Quinn told them, Rachel quirking an eyebrow in question as she checked her phone to find she did indeed have over thirty new text messages.

"We're both fine Quinn, and we are very sorry to have been ignoring your attempts to get in touch with us." Rachel answered her, sincerely sorry that she didn't notice her friends seemingly desperate attempts to get in touch with her and her girlfriend.

"Oh hey Rach, I didn't know you and Santana were still together." Quinn replied, her voice sounded overjoyed to hear the tiny diva after three days of silence.

"Yes, Kara invited Santana to sleep over and she accepted the offer." Santana laughed finding the formal explanations cute.

"Well is everything like good now?" she asked awkwardly trying to get the image of her two friends sharing a bed out of her mind.

"Yeah Q, everything's cool." the Latina told her happily.

"That's good, Rach would it be alright if we talk privately like tomorrow or something. I really want to apologize for everything in person and stuff." Rachel smiled at her best friend's nervous voice and looked up at her girlfriend who smiled and nodded.

"Of course Quinn I'll meet you at the Lima Bean tomorrow around two o'clock?" she asked.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Um, I'll let the rest of glee know that you two are alive and to leave you guys alone for the rest of the night." Quinn offered.

"Thank you Quinn, though I am surprised Artie has not passed it along by now." Rachel said kind of curious as to why her foster brother hadn't passed along the news to their worried friends.

"He probably didn't know we were trying to get a hold of you, Britt said he had some doctors appointment right after glee. Though I'm sure he's talked to her by now." Quinn offered an explanation.

"She probably forgot how to use the glee chain Mr. Schue set up," Santana laughed making the other girls laugh with her in adoration of their innocent friend.

"You're probably right. So talk to you later S, and see you tomorrow Rach?"

"Yup, later Q," Santana said her goodbye.

"I'll be there." Rachel answered.

"Alright night guys." and with that the call ended. Santana and Rachel smiled as they relaxed into one another for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p>Rachel woke up in a blind panic after a nightmare, feeling someone wrapped around her. She struggled against the hold while whimpering causing the person to tighten their arms around her effectively holding her down. She fought harder causing the person behind her to jolt up at the strong movement. As soon as she felt the grip loosen Rachel bolted from the bed and huddled herself into a corner.<p>

It took Santana a few minutes for her groggy mind to catch up with what was happening in front of her, but once her sleep hazed mind cleared she ran to kneel in front of her cowering girlfriend. She took in the small girls shaking form, slowly reaching out to place a comforting hand on the trembling shoulder. She was thankful that she at least didn't pull away from her.

"Baby, it's just me. You're okay, you're safe," Santana told her gently, rubbing her hand over the diva's shoulder soothingly. Rachel calmed down rather quickly at the sound of her girlfriend's voice. After a few more calming breaths, she looked up at Santana embarrassment clear in her brown eyes.

"Hey, there you are." Santana smiled at her, stroking the girl's cheek. "You want to tell me what's wrong?" Rachel looked away again remembering her nightmare, she didn't want to let that part of her farther's abuse ever touch Santana in any way. The Latina had done so much to protect her, she needed to protect her from this.

"It was nothing." Rachel lied in a small voice. Santana wasn't buying it, she lifted the girl's chin so that their eyes met. Giving her a firm yet gentle look.

"Please don't lie to me Rachel," she said sternly. She didn't understand this, Rachel hasn't outwardly lied about anything since the abuse was uncovered. Even if she didn't want to talk about what it was, she never tried to lie.

"It was just a nightmare." She told her hoping the cheerleader would just leave it at that.

"What was the nightmare about?" Rachel sighed, she should have known Santana would try to get her to open up about it.

"It's not a big deal." she lied again trying her best to convince the taller girl, but it seemed Santana could see through her mask that usually fools everyone now.

"You're upset, that makes it a very big deal." She tried to reason with her. After everything they have been through she just couldn't understand why she was pulling away now. "Honey, you wouldn't have ripped yourself out of my arms the way you did if it was no big deal, no one freaks out like that." she explained brushing Rachel's knotted hair out of her face.

"I don't want to talk about it San," she growled out suddenly standing up and walking towards the bathroom that adjoins her room and her foster sister's. She stopped realizing that a storm out would in fact prove that something was bothering her, so she turned walked back to Santana placing her hand on the girls cheek and stroking it softly.

"I'm fine sweetie, I promise," she told her softly. "Please, baby just trust me," she pleaded at Santana's unconvinced look. The darker girl nodded reluctantly, biting her lip as she watched her disappear into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Later that day Santana dropped Rachel off at the Lima Bean to meet with Quinn before she went home to change and then have some best friend time with Brittany. Rachel looked around until she found the blonde sitting nervously by herself at one of the sitting area's. She smiled and walked over sitting down across from her.

"Hello Quinn," She greeted cheerfully.

"Hey Rach." The head cheerleader greeted just as enthusiastically.

They sat in silence for a few moments, one of them going to speak every once in a while only to stop short and looked away shyly. They were both extremely happy to be in each others company, but neither knew how to start this conversation they knew they had to have.

"Rach, I am so sorry," Quinn finally said, not able to stand the silence anymore. Rachel smiled at her.

"Thank you Quinn," was her simple reply. But Quinn knew someone who loved talking as much as Rachel had more to say, so she remained quiet. "You know yesterday afternoon, I would have tried to tell you it wasn't a big deal and not really your fault. But after talking with Santana I know that it is a big deal, and if any of us are to heal from our past I need to accept that and let you guys take responsibility otherwise none of us will be able to move on." Rachel told her. Quinn nodded reaching over and taking a trembling hand, smiling encouragingly at her.

"You're right, we need to take responsibility, we've been avoiding doing that for way too long. Even though this is really hard to admit, I was the worst. You know from my letter why I did it. I was jealous of you, I thought you had the perfect life and I took my own problems out on you because of that, but it's still no excuse. I came up with a lot of those names, I wish I could erase them." Quinn told her, her sweet voice even softer then usual.

She was so ashamed of who she use to be, she was able to become a better person during her pregnancy, but went right back to HBIC the minute she was able to. But what she hated most was that even during her pregnancy and no matter how many times Rachel tried to help her and befriend her, all she did was continue to make her life miserable.

"While we're apologizing, I would like to apologize for telling Finn the true parentry of your child." Quinn looked up at her shocked, she didn't except that.

"Thank you, that honestly does mean a lot to me. But it's like I said before, you only did what I was afraid to do." The blonde tried to reassure her.

"Still doesn't make it right." Silence fell between them for a few moments.

"Despite our past, Quinn, you are my best friend." Rachel told her with a smile causing Quinn to grin.

"I'm so happy to hear that Rach." Quinn replied happily.

"Now tell me about what's going on with you and Rory." Rachel said eagerly leaning in ready to to listen to every word Quinn told her.

"Don't we need to talk about the past a little more?" The blonde cheerleader asked shyly, her cheeks going from pale to red in a matter of seconds.

"We both said out apologies Quinn and we will continue to work on it through the rest of our friendship, which I hope will be the rest of our lives," Quinn smiled at that. "Now come on, quit trying to avoid it and answer my question," she encouraged poking the girl in the side playfully.

"I don't know. I like him and the duet we did together was really fun. I'm just not sure how he feels about me," Quinn explained bashfully.

"Oh trust me Quinn, he likes you. Just ask him to hang out more and take it from there," she said as Quinn nodded in agreement.

"But if he dares to hurt you in anyway he will not know what hit him," Rachel told her, her voice suddenly low and dangerous taking on a protective tone. Quinn looked at her in amazement.

"I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing friend like you Rachel, but I am so glad we are," Quinn told her sweetly as they began talking about their relationships or in Quinn's case, a potential relationship.

* * *

><p>Santana collapsed on Brittany's bed the minute she got there. Letting all the tension and worry for her girlfriend's well being out of her body in a big sigh, as she sunk into the comfortable mattress.<p>

"I fucking love your bed Britt, it's like the most comfortable bed ever," Santana sighed truthfully. The tall dancer laughed at her best friend.

"How did the talk with Rae go?" she asked getting straight to the point. Santana sighed leaning up on her elbow to look at Brittany.

"It actually went pretty good. It was all emotional and shit, never thought I would be able to express emotions like that with how horrible I was with it in the past," Santana told her.

"That's for sure," Brittany said with a slight chuckle, earning a glare from the Latina.

"Anyway, everything has been worked out for now we're gonna be dealing with it for the rest of our lives most likely, but I believe my baby girl and I are strong enough to get through it," she said lying back down on her back as Brittany joined her on the bed.

"You both are like extremely strong. Where is she now?" the blonde asked curiously.

"With Q, at the Lima Bean. She wanted to apologize to her in person, which I'm really happy about because Rach needs to have someone to go to besides me, she needs a best friend like the, a relationship like me and you have." Santana smiled at her best friend who smiled right back.

"That's awesome, Quinn was like the meanest of all of us. I'm glade she's owning up to it" They lied there for a while with a random TV show playing in the background once in a while talking about random subjects, until Santana decided to bring up what's been on her mind since this morning.

"I'm worried about Rach." Brittany sat up and looked down at the darker girl.

"But everything is fixed now, you said so yourself," she said confused.

"She's still recovering from everything she went through with her farther, Britt. This morning she woke up from a nightmare, she was so scared she was trembling and she even tried to lie to me about it. I think there's something she's still keeping from me." She said sadly with a deep frown. She hated it when Rachel couldn't come to her, it made her feel so useless.

"She hasn't told you everything that went on with her farther San, you know this," Brittany reminded her with a gentle smile.

"I know that, but this it's different. Normally she would just tell me it's too much to talk about and that would be it. But this time she tried to lie and tell me it was nothing. It's like she's trying to keep whatever it is from me." She said solemnly.

"Maybe it's just too painful, more painful then anything else she has told you," The normally slower blonde told her wisdomly.

"That's what scares me, because I can't imagine what could be worse then what she has already told me." She sat up closing her eyes tightly trying not to imagine what could be more horrible then what she already knew.

"Don't push her San, some stuff is just too painful to talk about and she probably doesn't want to hurt you either. If she wants to talk to you about it she will, just don't try to force it out of her," Santana nodded at her friends wisdom, sighing in defeat because she knew she was right. She needed to let Rachel come to her in her own time.

"Don't worry as you said, you both are really strong, and as long as you have each other you'll be able to get through anything." Santana smiled knowing she was right because Brittany was always right.


	16. Chapter 16

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 16

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh!

* * *

><p>In the weeks that follow Santana and Rachel's relationship continued to flourish. Their love for one another grew with each passing second. Ever since the incident with Lexi, Rachel had become a lot more open about how they all used to affect her and in return the club was desperately trying to make it up to her, with the exception of Finn and Mr. Schue. The glee club director refused to believe he ever did the tiny diva wrong and Rachel seemed to be unable to express her feelings about how the teacher treated her and still sometimes treats her. Santana didn't like it but knew not to push her before she was ready. Challenging her peers was one thing, challenging an adult figure in authority was a whole other can of worms. It reminded her of the consequences of challenging her father.<p>

Finn seemed to be keeping his distance for now. Though he kept staring at Rachel with that sad puppy face, he hasn't approached her since the day outside her class. He looked as though he was trying to figure something out and Santana didn't like it one bit, she knew whatever the football player was scheming wasn't good and she hated having to constantly keep her eye on him, but if it meant protecting her girl, she'd do it all day if she had to.

Rachel had her suspicion that he was trying to work through what she had said to him in that hallway, and it honestly wasn't surprising her that it was taking him over a month to do so. The tiny brunette was just happy he wasn't following Lexi's group around anymore. No matter how weird he has been acting lately, she wanted him to be happy and he would have never been able to while surrounded by all that hate and prejudges.

On another bright note, Lexi's group had for the most part fallen apart. Most of the group was scared away by Lexi's threat to Rachel in the hallway. Though they didn't like Rachel and Santana's relationship, they would never go as far as what Lexi was suggesting. So now the fake blonde was weak, off the Cheerio's, and only managing to salvage a few of her minions as a sad excuse for friends. So for now, other then a few heated glares their way, the viscous girl was no longer a problem.

Right now the happy couple were cuddling on Santana's bed. Constantly switching from talking to making out. Santana took a quick look at the calendar and noticed it was getting closer to December eighteenth, Rachel's eighteenth birthday. She had already gotten the tiny diva her present, she just didn't know what Rachel actually wanted to do on that day. She wanted to make it special for her, she just wasn't sure how.

"Baby, what do you want to do for your birthday?" Santana asked deciding it was better to just get the answer straight from the source. Rachel shifted to look at Santana confused.

"I didn't think we would do anything. I honestly didn't even know anyone knew when my birthday was." Rachel told her, honestly perplexed that anyone knew it was coming up in a few days.

"Of course we know when your birthday is. You're turning eighteen, we have to celebrate and make it special." Santana said, staring at her stunned.

"Sweetheart, my birthday hasn't been special for a very long time. For my sixteenth birthday, my father's present to me was locking me in my room with an actual plate of food and not giving me a beating that day." The diva explained to her gently, not missing the way Santana hands clenched before loosening when she finally calmed herself.

"All the more reason to make it even more special. Now come on give me idea's, Mrs. Abrams' has been hounding Artie and I for shit to do for you." Santana insisted, Rachel grimacing at the crude language.

"It doesn't seem fair for you to put so much effort into my birthday, when I wasn't even there for yours." The diva tried to argue, Santana rolled their eyes at the weak attempt.

"My birthday was in August, before we started to even talk. Trust me my birthday was awesome, would haven been better with you there, but it was awesome none the less." The Latina countered. Rachel sighed knowing she wasn't going to win this battle.

"All I want is a small get together with my friends and foster family." Rachel told her truthfully.

"Are you sure? That doesn't seem very special." Santana told her skeptically.

"I'm very sure. Having the people I'm close to around me is what makes it's special, and having you there is what will make it extra special." Santana grinned and leaned in for kiss.

"Alright, a small party it is." She said against her lover's full lips, before continuing to massage them with her own.

Santana took the lead on this one, grazing her tongue across full lips politely asking for entrance which Rachel readily gave. Their tongues danced with one another's, the fight for dominance quickly put to rest when Santana teased the diva's tongue out of her mouth just enough so that she could lightly captured it between her teeth and pulled it into her own mouth to gently suck it. Rachel moaned at the new sensation causing Santana to grin internally. She gently pushed Rachel onto her back so that she was hovering over the small body. Santana broke the kiss, much to Rachel's protest to smile down lovingly at her girlfriend. That changed when Rachel decided to get playful and leaned up to and carefully nipped at the Latina's bottom lip. Santana moaned before diving back into their heated make out session.

Santana hands caressed the singer's sides as Rachel's caressed the Latina's back. Santana groaned in surprise and pleasure when she felt the diva's hands wonder down to cup her ass cheeks and squeeze gently before massaging the clothed covered flesh. She felt a familiar warmth and ache between her legs. Her lips kissed down Rachel's jaw to her neck finding her pulse point easily and sucking on it gently enough to not leave any marks. Her effort was rewarded with another soft moan, she smiled against the soft neck, it seemed as though Rachel was going to be vocal, but surprisingly quiet in bed, something totally unexpected from the normally loud and demanding diva. Her hand wandered upwards to graze the side of the smaller girl's breast, she froze when she felt her girlfriend tense and shake a little under her.

"What's wrong baby girl?" Santana asked concerned. Rachel took a deep breath to calm herself before looking back up at Santana and smiling at her softly.

"I'm not ready for that 'Tana." Santana sighed in sexual frustration, rubbing her thighs together to try to dull the ache between her legs. "I'm sorry." She apologized in a small voice causing Santana's head to snap back up at her.

"Do not be sorry for that. I want you to be completely sure when we take that step, I want your first time to be special." She said sweetly brushing some stray hair behind her girl's ear. Rachel adverted her eyes, while biting her lip. Santana cocked her head to the side curiously.

"But I led you on, I even touched your um. . ." She paused blushing furiously as Santana raised her eyebrow in amusement. "Um, your backside without your permission, and I couldn't even give anything back to you because I'm too damn nervous." Rachel said feeling like she took advantage of her girlfriend.

"You can say damn, but you can't say ass?" Santana asked chuckling, Rachel rolled her eyes. "You can put you hands on my backside anytime you want baby. Though I'm touched that you're concerned about me being ready as well. I just want you to know your touch is never unwelcome in anyway, if I'm uncomfortable with something, though that will be very rare with you, I will let you know." Santana told her seriously. Rachel bit her lip and looked at her shyly, still unsure and Santana sighed.

"Rach, I promise I'm not mad. I may have to take care of myself until you are ready because you're like extremely hot and I get ridiculously turned on, babe." Rachel blushed a deep red and tried to turn her head away only to be stopped by Santana's hand on her cheek. "But it's worth however long I have to wait, because I love you and I don't want to pressure you into anything you're uncomfortable with." Rachel smiled up at her caring girlfriend.

"Thank you." Was all Rachel could manage to say and Santana knew the subject was dropped, though she wondered if there was more Rachel wasn't telling her.

"Come on, let's watch a movie, I'll even let you pick it out," Santana offered with a knowing smile, already making her way over to her DVD collection, her girlfriend's face lit up with joy.

"Funny Girl?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"Of course baby girl." She giggled already having the copy of her girlfriend's favorite musical in her hand when she answered. She bought a copy when she realized it was the best movie to comfort the diva and she wanted to be prepared. It definitely wasn't because she secretly liked the movie after being forced to watch it. No, she was just being an awesome girlfriend and she was sticking by that answer.

* * *

><p>Kara and Tim were more then happy to host the small party at their house, their renovated basement being perfect to host the glee club and Santana's family for the day. Santana was on the warpath about making it perfect, she was hoping to do more for her girlfriend's birthday. But the diva only wanted a small party and Santana was going to respect what her girlfriend wanted. That being said because it was only a few people, it had to be absolutely flawless.<p>

"Seriously Satan take a chill pill, your seriously hanging around Berry too much, you're starting to rant like her." Puck grumbled. He and the other glee club members were sitting in the choir room during lunch while Rachel was in Ms. Pillsbury's office for her monthly check in, listening to Santana rant about how everything needed to be perfect. It's December fifteenth, the last day of school before Christmas vacation and three days before Rachel's birthday. The closer it got to the big day, the crazier Santana seemed to become.

"Gee, if she's this insane about making Rachel's birthday perfect, imagine how she's going to be when their anniversary comes around." Kurt whisper to Mercedes making the soulful singer giggle. Luckily for them Santana was too busy growling at Puck to notice them.

"He has a point San, Rachel doesn't care if it's perfect or not. As long as we're all there then she'll think it's perfect." Brittany told her, causing Santana to features to soften at her best friend.

"I know B, she's told me this like a million times as well. It's just she hasn't had a real birthday in like five years. I just want her to feel as special as she really is." Santana said, the glee club smiled, they were getting used to a softer side of Santana when it came to Rachel. Though they also new the snarky Latina was still in there as they were frequently reminded on a daily basis.

"You are so whipped." Puck laughed even going as far to make the whipping motion and sound, which earned him a slap on the head from Quinn.

"We'll make it special for her S, don't worry." Santana turned from glaring at Puck to smile at Quinn thankfully. Just then Rachel entered looking curiously at the whole glee club in the choir room for lunch, which was a rare occurrence. Usually only her, Brittany, Santana, and Quinn ate in here at lunch.

"What's going on?" She asked eyeing them suspiciously.

"Nothing baby girl, just having a glee lunch and waiting for you." Santana smiled at her, greeting her with a big hello kiss. "How was your meeting with Ms. P?" She asked, easily deflecting the diva's question. The diva may know about the party, but that didn't mean she wanted her to know everything she was planning or how worried she was about it being perfect.

"Oh it was fine, same old thing. Ms. Pillsbury always asks all these prying questions that I'm not comfortable answering and I deflect them as usual." Rachel said while huffing at the councilor's noisiness. Some of it wasn't really even about how she was adjusting and more about her relationship. Santana rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what Rachel meant.

"You don't have to tell her anything babe, she's just looking for gossip on the only lesbian relationship in this town like everyone else. You only have to entertain her questions about how you're doing emotionally." Santana said. Though it was really good to hear it confirmed by her girlfriend. The tiny diva kissed her lover's cheek before leaving her side to go and talk to Quinn and Tina for the remaining ten minutes of their lunch. Santana smiled at her girlfriend for a few second before starting her own conversation with Sam and Mike.

* * *

><p>On the night before Rachel's birthday, it was decided that Santana would sleep over. Partly because Rachel wanted to wake up in her girlfriend's arms, but also because Kara and Tim wanted Santana there so that she could distract Rachel, while they, Artie, and Tanya who was home for Christmas break set for the party. They knew Rachel would insist on helping, but with Santana there they hoped that she would be able to keep her mind on other things and hopefully they'd get it all ready without Rachel even noticing. They tried to get her to spend the night at Santana's, but she said she wanted to wake up in her own home on her birthday. That made Kara and Tim's heart's swell with such joy they couldn't say no to her, just the fact that Rachel consider their home to be her home as well showed how far she'd come since the scared little girl they'd taken in just a few months ago.<p>

"Hey little sis, do you need the bathroom at all? I'm going to take a shower." Tanya asked through the adjoined bathroom doors.

"No I'm fine, thank you" Rachel answered.

"Santana?" the older girl asked looking at the Latina.

"Nah, I'm cool." Santana replied as Tanya nodded.

"Awesome, just knock if you need anything." She said before closing the door. Santana waited until she heard the shower start before turning to Rachel.

"How you getting along with her anyway? You know now that she's around." Santana asked honestly worried. She knew how siblings could be and she didn't want a sibling rivalry added to all the other pressures going on in Rachel's life. They knew Artie was cool with her and that they got along greatly, but they didn't know much about Tanya since she was always away at school.

"It's actually going pretty well. We've Skyped and talked on the phone while she's at college, so we're getting to know each other. As for living with her, she's only been home two days, but so far we're getting along. Kara is planning a girl's day so we can bond more." Rachel said trying to hide the excitement in her voice but failing miserably. She'd never had one of those since she'd never had a mother or any friends to experience it with and she honestly could not wait to get her very first manicure. "Both Kara and Tanya said you're more then welcome to come with us." Rachel said even more excited at the idea of spending her very first girl's day out with her girlfriend.

"I don't know babe. That's meant to be your time with your foster mom and sister" Santana said uncertainly, she really didn't want to impose on that time.

"But they want you to come and so do I. I think Tanya wants to get to know you as well because you're such a huge part of my life. Please baby, it would make me so much more comfortable if you were there." She begged with her big brown puppy eyes that made her heart flutter and her stomach flip.

Santana groaned before giving in. "Alright fine, I seriously can't resist those sad cute eyes of yours baby." Santana sighed in fake annoyance, melting instantly into the chocolate hues.

"Good to know." Rachel smirked mischievously causing Santana to groan again.

"You're so going to use that power against me now aren't you?" She huffed, falling against the pillow as Rachel grinned at her.

"Maybe..." The smaller girl sang playfully. Santana smirked up at her a playful glint in her eyes.

"Hmm, I think I know how a can fix that." She said leaning forward and caressing the girls side seductively. Rachel felt her breath hitch at the familiar touch, a warmth spreading throughout her body.

"Oh really, how exactly do you plan on doing that?" She asked trying to keep her mind focused on the conversation, instead of the wandering hands.

"Like this." Santana grinned wickedly, her hand suddenly stopping it's gently caress and transforming into a full blown tickle attack. Rachel's loud laughter burst out of her tiny body as she tried to squirm away from the lover's attack. Tears of pure joy formed in her eyes as she pleaded with Santana to stop, but the Latina only shook her head and easily kept the girl trapped under her as her hands continued the playful attack.

"Please... please 'Tana, stop!" Rachel begged between laughs.

"Nope, not until you promise to not use those beautiful eyes against me ever again!" Santana demanded, mentally cheering when she found Rachel weak spot behind her knee.

"Never!" She screamed still trying to get away from the taller girl, but Santana years of Cheerio's training gave her an advantage of the smaller girl's strength. There was no way Rachel was getting out of Santana's hold.

"Have it your way then." She said focusing her full attack on the weak spot, she smirked when Rachel's laughter became even louder and her squirming became more frantic. She could feel victory in her grasp and the smiled spreading across her face as her girlfriend shrieked with laughter.

Rachel's breathing was growing heavier and her stomach clenched in protest at all the work it had to do because of the laughter. "Fine, fine I promise. I won't use my eyes or any of my other superior acting talents against you." She gave in not being able to take it anymore. Santana grinned victoriously stopping her assault. Rachel jumped off the bed, away from Santana's hands, catching her breath before grinning wickedly at the Latina.

"You know, I totally had my fingers crossed." She told her happily before taking off. Santana stood in shock for a few seconds before chasing after her girlfriend.

"Oh you're so in for it little girl!" She called out. In the bathroom Tanya could hear her foster sister and her girlfriend's antics and couldn't help but smile. After everything Rachel had been through, it made her happy that she found someone who loved her the way she deserved.

* * *

><p>Rachel woke up feeling better then she had in a very long time. The rest of the night was filled with more laughter and a bit of awkwardness when they had to explain to Tim and Artie, who were watching a movie in the living room, why they were running through the house with Santana screaming about sad, beautiful eyes being unfair. She could feel Santana pressed up against her back, her arm securely around her waist and her face buried in her neck, snuggling in as close as she possibly could. Rachel moved her own hand to caress her girlfriend's arm that was around her, smiling when Santana responded by attempting to move in closer. She wanted to turn around to watch her beautiful girl sleep, to be able to see her peaceful face. But she knew turning would most likely wake her and she wanted her to be able to sleep in for as long as possible. Her Cheerio's schedule was so demanding and she never really got much time to sleep in while school was in session. But now that it was vacation time Rachel wanted her to be able to catch up on as much sleep as possible.<p>

Rachel looked at the calendar, the date reminding her that was indeed her birthday, her eighteenth birthday to be exact. She wouldn't tell anyone this, but she was honestly dreading this day. Even though the Abrams' had assured her constantly that they would not kick her out once she turned eighteen, the state still threw her out of the system and considered her an adult. She still feared they would, when this first began she thought she would be able to handle it if they did end up kicking her out, promising herself that she wouldn't become attached to this lifestyle. But now she felt at home here, she loved this family and saw them as her own. She honestly didn't know if she would be able to handle them rejecting her. Deep down she knew this would never happen, that they loved her just as much as she loved them. But the fear still won out and she was preparing herself for whatever would happen today.

She shook her head to clear her mind, she would deal with that when the time came. She looked back at the calendar again and realized Christmas was only a week away. She smiled remember the gift she had ready for Santana, she knew her girlfriend would like it, the gift was absolutely perfect. Even though she was Jewish, she celebrated Christmas as well because her daddy was Catholic. It was the one holiday he always got excited about so she always grew up celebrating both Hanukkah and Christmas. She was able to celebrate Hanukkah with the Puckerman's this year, which made her happy. Now she would be able to celebrate Christmas with Santana and hopefully the people she considered her family. Santana began to stir next to her, she smiled and finally allowed herself to turn to face her girlfriend. Santana opened her eyes, smiling when the first thing she saw was her girlfriend staring lovingly at her.

"Morning baby." She said leaning in to kiss her, which to Santana's surprise, Rachel gladly accepted. She was almost sure the diva would complain about morning breath. "Were you watching me sleep?" She asked curiously.

"No, I turned when I felt you waking up. I wanted to," she admitted shyly. "But I was facing the other way and didn't want to wake you by moving. I know you haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately." Rachel explained as Santana smiled at her lovingly.

"Thanks babe." She replied sitting up, groaning as she stretched out her stiff limbs. Rachel's eyes glazed over as she watched her girlfriend, enthralled by the way her girlfriend's muscles moved as she stretched them.

"You're so beautiful." Rachel whispered, causing Santana to stop mid-stretch to look at her girlfriend in confusion.

"Baby, I just woke up. My hair is a mess and I have no makeup on, I must look like hell." She laughed, but Rachel looked up at her with the most serious expression.

"No, this is the most beautiful I've ever seen you and that's saying something because I think you're beautiful everyday. You look so natural and carefree, and watching you move is incredible, it's like your some kind of goddess or something. God baby, your body is are so perfect, _you're _perfect." The diva told her, her tongue slowing licking her suddenly dry lips. Santana smirked at her girlfriend's clearly flustered appearance, she liked that she had that effect on the smaller girl and the fact that she could see it so clearly made her a little hot as well.

"Thanks sweetie. And just so you know, though it goes without saying, you're gorgeous as well." She smiled when Rachel looked away and turned red. Damn she never got tired of that girl's blush.

Once they were showered and ready for the day, they made their way downstairs to the kitchen. The minute Rachel stepped through the doorway her ears were assaulted with a chorus of the song, Happy Birthday. She smiled, blushing slightly at the attention, unconsciously tucking herself into Santana's side. The darker girl smiled down at her and kissed her temple.

"Happy Birthday Rachel." She whispered in her ear making the moment more private and personal. She planted a huge kiss on the shocked girl's lips, moaning as Rachel instantly reacted and deepened it, sucking Santana's tongue into her mouth without warning.

"Alright you two break it up." Tim said laughing at the two teenagers. "We made vegan and regular pancakes." he said happily, but paused at the glare from his wife.

"Fine, Kara and Tanya made the pancakes. Artie and I did the heavy supervising." He confessed, as everyone else shared a look, laughing at his attempt to take credit for the delicious looking breakfast.

"Hey supervising is hard work. You gots' to be on your game to make sure this one doesn't burn down the house." Artie joked poking his older sister in the side.

"Oh really? Well next time you can make the breakfast and we'll see how you do at not burning down the house." Tanya laughed shoving him playfully. Rachel watched the brother and sister carefully wondering if she would ever be able to have the level of comfort with them someday as their sister.

"Alright you two enough." Kara warned with a smile before turning to the two teens still standing in the doorway. "Come on you two, they're going to get cold if you keep standing there." Rachel and Santana joined the family, sitting on the bar stools at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

They both happily ate the pancakes placed in front of them and a few more after. Once breakfast was over Santana managed to get Rachel back upstairs so that the rest of them could sneak down into the basement and set up for the party without Rachel seeing them. Santana did a great job at distracting her girlfriend, making out was a great means to keep someone's attention on them and only them for a couple hours and Rachel was all too happy to comply. By one thirty everything was ready and people were starting to show up. Rachel pouted a little at not be able to help, but Santana quickly kissed the pout away.

When Brittany arrived, she completely ignored her boyfriend making him pout as she embraced Rachel in the biggest hug of her life.

"Happy Birthday Rae, now that you're an adult maybe you'll grow and become adult size like the rest of us." Brittany said with a genuine and innocent smile. Santana covered her mouth to keep from straight up laughing her lungs out. Rachel's eyes went wide in slight embarrassment before smiling sweetly at the blonde.

"It doesn't work that way Britt, I was meant to be small so that my body would fit perfectly with Santana's body." The Latina's eyes lit up at the answer and Brittany nodded her head thoughtfully.

"You're right Rae, you're meant to be pocket-sized." The dancer said as she skipped over to her neglected boyfriend to kiss him hello. Rachel and Santana couldn't hold it in anymore as they burst out laughing.

"I love Britt, but sometimes she's just too much." Santana said pulling Rachel into her body, looking down at her with a sly smile. "You're right though babe, your body does fit perfectly with mine." Rachel blushed and hugged her girlfriend back, her arm wrapping around Santana's curvy waist.

As the party went on the girls began to mingle with the rest of their friends. Currently Rachel was speaking with Kurt, while Santana was completely distracted by her conversation with Puck and Quinn.

"So at risk the of a diva rant, Finn says happy birthday and he wanted to come but he wasn't sure he was welcome." Kurt said bracing himself for Rachel's reaction. The diva was quiet for a minute thinking it over thoughtfully.

"Tell him thank you. He would be welcome as long as he is able to accept that I love Santana and not him. I honestly want a friendship with him, Kurt, but not with the way he's been acting, I won't risk him hurting Santana." Rachel explained, Kurt looked at her shocked.

"He would never hit her Rach. He's an idiot with words and he kicks chairs, but he would never touch a girl." Kurt told her not completely understanding what the glee captain was trying to say.

"No, no I know that. I mean with his words, he keeps calling her derogatory names and she tries to pretend like they don't hurt her, but I know they do. I won't put her through that, when he's ready to act mature then we can try to rebuild our friendship." Rachel said sensibly and Kurt nodded.

"He's trying now, something you said got to him. He's still working through it, but when he does he wants to apologize to you." He told her, hoping desperately his step-brother was able to come to his senses like he said he was going to.

"Well I'm not the only one he needs to apologize to, but when he's ready I will listen and I will make Santana listen." She said causing Kurt to smirk.

"Damn, you got that girl whipped don't you?" Rachel smirked back choosing not to answer that, as Mercedes and Blaine joined them.

Rachel sat on the couch in the middle of the room with Santana to the left of her and Tony to the right of her. The twelve-year-old insisted on sitting next to Rachel and no one really wanted to argue with a little kid as the rest of them sat around them, ready to hand Rachel her presents. Rachel was completely modest through out the whole party, continuously stating that no one had to get her anything until Tony shut her up.

"Don't fight it Rachie, when people give you presents you take it. It means they love you can want to do something nice for you." Tony stated his childhood innocence showing through as Brittany eagerly agreed.

Most of the presents were clothes and music books or stuff to decorate her empty room. She smiled more and more with each present she opened. She even got one from Finn, which was a music book of the late Etta James. She smiled softly, this was the most thoughtful gift Finn had ever gotten her, including the time they dated. She looked to Santana who raised an eyebrow at the present, she shrugged "He's trying."

Quinn and Brittany's seemed to be the most unique and personal out of the whole glee club, but that didn't really surprise Rachel because they were her best friends. Quinn made her a photo album with all of her professional taken photos of her and her friends and family. Some even including Quinn herself when she was able to set up a tripod, as well as Santana's family. Brittany's was surprising because she honestly had no idea the slow blonde knew how to crochet, let alone know what it was. But there it was, a crocheted gold star with the cutest face. She honestly saw the blonde in a whole knew light after this gift.

Santana handed Rachel her gift with a nervous smile and Rachel accepted it, kissing her girlfriend on the cheek before opening it. She felt her breath stop when she opened the small jewelry case to find the unique necklace, her eye kept darting from the gift to Santana and then back to the gift. She felt tears began to well up, but she held them back as she studied the beautiful piece of jewelry. It was a hand made, very unique, and detailed skeleton key with a heart for the base, on the heart it was inscribed with the words 'Key to my Heart" on the front. Rachel carefully picked it up, the key itself was small and the heart base was big enough to just fit the words so it wasn't heavy for her to wear. She turned it around the find another inscription on the back in small script but still readable. '_Te amo_ _mi Estrella_, 'Tana.'

"Thank you." She said barely above a whisper afraid if she talked any louder the tears would break free. Santana seemed to understand as she kissed her cheek and whisper you're welcome in the girl's ear before taking the necklace and helping the girl clasp it around her neck.

"Where did you find something like this?" She asked once her emotions calmed down. The rest of the people in attendance sat amazed at the beautiful gift. They knew this took a lot for Santana to give it to Rachel in front of everyone.

"There's this jewelry shop that takes custom orders right outside of Lima. I had Julio draw what I wanted and they were happy to make it for me." She said looking up at her older brother thankfully, who blushed and nodded.

"But this must have . . ." She was cut off by Santana placing her finger to her lips.

"Don't even finish that sentence, it doesn't matter how much it costs. I love you baby and I wanted you to have this, something personal that came from my imagination. Something that is one of a kind just like you." Santana explained to her with a smile, nudging her shoulder lightly.

"It's amazing 'Tana, just like you." Rachel said as they kissed softly, pulling away quicker then they wanted to remembering they had a rather large audience. "I love you too." Rachel whispered as they pulled away.

"Well, that is a hard one to follow, but here Rach this is from the whole family." Kara said handing Rachel a small wrapped gift. The singer looked up at her confused.

"But you guys already gave me my gifts." She said referring the digital picture frame Kara and Tim had gotten her and multitude of DVD's Artie and Tanya had put together for her.

"This is different, this is from all of us just open it." Tim said with a smile. Rachel opened the gift lifting the lid to the box to gasp at what she saw. Santana smiled as Tony leaned in to see scrunching his forehead in confusion.

"It's another key!" He exclaimed, his mother hitting him lightly on the shoulder.

"Quiet _mijo_." She warned.

Rachel looked up at her foster family, tears breaking free this time. She couldn't believe this was real, were they really telling her what she thought they were telling her? She looked up at them for an explanation.

"We know you have been using the extra key since you moved in, but we thought it was time you had your own. We would have had it here sooner, but they weren't able to come up with a perfect match in time." Kara laughed kneeling down in front of the girl she saw as her daughter while Santana had her hand on her back, rubbing in small, comforting circles.

"Rachel, you are apart of this family and this key is a symbol for you to know you always have a home, no matter where you are. Even when you and Santana go off to New York, you have a place to come back to on holidays, or when you're feeling sad or scared you can find solace in your home with us. I know you still love your dads, despite what one of them did to you, but I hope you know we love you like a daughter as well and Artie and Tanya love you like a sister." Kara's speech ran through Rachel's mind several times as she tried to process the information given to her. They loved her. It was just this morning that she was terrified they would kick her out because she turned eighteen. But now they were confirming something she tried not to see because it would have been too painful to deal with if she was wrong. They loved her. It was too much, she needed step away for some air.

"I'm sorry excuse me" She said getting up and making her way outside to the garage and then out to the backyard. Santana got up and tried to follow her, but was stopped by Artie.

"No, San let me." He said as she looked skeptically. "Please?" He begged and she nodded trying to push back the protective feeling she had, and watched as Artie rolled after his sister.

"Don't worry Santana, this is normal, she's just overwhelmed. She needs Artie right now to help through this one." Kara told her patiently and Santana nodded stiffly understanding, but not liking it. She calmed and smiled slightly though when she felt her little brother wrap his skinny arms around her waist in attempt to comfort her. That little man also knew exactly what to do to make her smile. She settled back down on the couch to spend some time with her brother until Rachel returned.

* * *

><p>"Rach, you okay?" Artie asked carefully approaching the crying girl who was sitting under the tree in the backyard.<p>

"I'm fine Artie, just needed some air." She half lied, though she know he didn't buy it for a second.

"This is about the house key isn't it? I know it's overwhelming but it's the truth, you're a part of this family Rach, like it or not your stuck with us." He joked gaining a small smile and laugh out of her.

"Ha! See I made you laugh." He said earning him another small giggle as she turned to look up at him with puffy eyes.

"It's not just overwhelming Artie, I had myself convinced that once I turned eighteen your parents would kick me out." She confessed, biting her lip while stealing a brief glance at the wheelchair bound boy, afraid she might have insulted him, but all she caught was a look of pure confusion.

"But we told you like a hundred times that, that wasn't going to happen. We love you Rach, you're my big sister now, I can't get rid of you now if I wanted to. Honestly I would get rid of Tanya before I got rid of you." He told her sincerely yet jokingly at the same time.

"I know. I knew it wasn't going to happen. But for some reason my brain wouldn't let me believe it. I believe it now one hundred percent, I just needed a moment process it." She said while smiling a genuine smile at him. Artie felt his heart swell at his sister's real smile, he has only seen it when she's around Santana, it felt amazing to be on the receiving end of that smile.

"Good, I glad, but something else is bothering you isn't it?" He asked with a knowing look. Rachel sighed, the mood turning solemn yet again. There was a long pause before Rachel looked back up at him with tears in her eyes.

"I think the reason I didn't want to believe it is because I feel like I'm betraying my dads." Artie was shocked, but in a way it did make sense.

"I know my dad did terrible things and that he doesn't deserve to call himself my father, but I still love him, and my daddy loved me with everything he had. Am I be selfish by letting another family into my heart? I'm so afraid of getting hurt more than I'm afraid I'm going to mess up and lose you guys." She told him tears rolling down her cheeks. Artie reached out and gently wiped them away with his thumb.

"You're not betraying them Rach, your daddy would want you to find another family to love you, he doesn't want you to be alone. It's your dad who betrayed you and I understand that you can't stop loving him, no one is asking you to do that. But you deserve this, just because you love us doesn't mean you love them any less." Rachel broke down then, clinging to her brother's legs, Artie trying to awkwardly comfort her from his wheelchair. He hummed softly while he rubbed her back and after about ten minutes, she calmed down and looked back up at him with an embarrassed smile.

"Sorry." She muttered the apology.

"Don't be, that's what brothers are for." He smiled back at her.

"How'd you get to be so smart?" She asked playfully.

"Our mom is a psychologist, trust me you'll start to pick this stuff up as well in time." They laughed as Rachel got up and began wheeling Artie back towards the house. She stopped just before they got to the garage door.

"Hey Artie?" She asked and he craned his neck back to look at her. "Thanks." She said and he smiled.

"No problem, now let's go back to the party I know there's a very nervous Latina waiting for you." He said with a smirk and Rachel laughed knowing he was right. She could just picture her over protective girlfriend nervously pacing the room.

Once they were back inside, Rachel made her way over to her fidgeting girlfriend, whose leg was shaking with nerves. Santana looked over at her when she felt the couch shift and smiled at the tiny brunette taking her in her arms while sighing in relief. Noticing the red puffy eyes, Santana took her hand and led her to the bathroom closing the door behind them. She grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cool water and gently washed her girlfriend tear stained cheeks. When she was down she looked up to find Rachel smiling gently up at her.

"Are you all right?" She asked concerned.

"Honestly things couldn't be any better right now" Santana smiled and leaned down to capture her lover's lips. They melted into each other for a quick moment of passion before they rested their heads together and sighed contently, everything was amazing.


	17. Chapter 17

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 17

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh! I set up a polyvore so that you guys can see the outfits I'm describing because I think I suck at describing fashion so here it is, most of you know the drill just fill in the spaces :). http:/ xcrimsonphoenix. polyvore. com/

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><p>Rachel looked in the mirror for what seemed like the hundredth time within the past twenty minutes. She wanted to make sure she looked perfect for the girl's day out. She wanted to make a good impression on Tanya, since this was the first time they really got to hang out as sisters. She was extremely nervous, even though both Kara and Santana told her she had nothing to worry about. Kara told her that Tanya loved her no matter what because she was her sister, and Santana told her Tanya would be crazy not to like her because she was perfect.<p>

She was wearing a simple grey open sleeved top that fit her both perfectly and comfortably, with a pair of blue skinny jeans and her favorite pair of converse. Kara had French braided her hair and she'd lightly applied her makeup the way both she and Santana liked it. This would be her first girl's day ever, and honestly she didn't know exactly what it would entail. Kara had told her they were just going to get their nails done, then go to lunch, and maybe walk through the park before heading home. She just wasn't sure if there was anything specific she needed to know, she didn't want to make a fool of herself in front of Santana and Tanya.

"Hey Rach, are you okay? You've been locked in here for a while. Is Santana on her way?" Tanya asked through the open door. Rachel swung around to look at her foster sister. She was wearing a white 'Pretty Little Liars' t-shirt that said "I See You" in red with lipstick under it and a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and white converse. Her chestnut brown hair hug around her face in soft curls. Rachel shook her head and focused on the clear blue eyes staring back at her waiting, for an answer.

"Uh, yea she should be here any minute." She said with a shy smile. Kara nodded as they heard the front door open and then close, followed by the unmistakable voice of the Latina ringing out.

"Where my pretty girl be?" She called out with laughter in her voice. Rachel laughed and shook her head at her girlfriend's antics.

"Make that now." Rachel, amended her previous answer causing Tanya to laugh with her. "Up in my room San." She called out as she heard the cheerleader beginning to climb the stairs.

"Well I'll go let mom know she's here and that we're ready to go." Tanya said and Rachel nodded as Santana entered with a wide smile on her face.

"Hey Santana!" Tanya greeted, Santana nodded her hello as the older girl went to find her mother.

"Hey baby girl." Santana greeted, kissing her girlfriend hello before pulling away to admire the outfit she'd chosen for the day.

Rachel did the very same, taking in her mesh braided black shirt that showed off just the right amount of skin. She was also wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and converse as well as a faux leather jacket. Rachel knew she wouldn't dare wear real leather around her and she couldn't help but love the Latina more for accepting her and all the crazy that came along with her.

She placed her hand over her rapidly beating heart as she took in more of her girlfriend, appreciating her beauty as if it were the first time she'd ever laid eyes on her. Her raven hair hung loosely around her face, giving Rachel the urge to run her fingers through the thick strands. She honestly loved when her hair was down, it was a rare site thanks to Coach Sue's strict pony tail rule.

"Hey 'Tana, how is my beautiful girlfriend this morning?" Rachel asked sweetly as she seductively ran her hands over the Latina's shirt, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles.

She grumbled in response. "I woke up grumpy because you weren't in my arms, but then I remembered I get to spend the entire day with you and I cheered up." Rachel laughed and hugged her girlfriend tightly before pulling away and smoothing out her shirt again, loving the way the material felt against her fingertips. Santana raised an eyebrow as she found the tingles that ran down her spine from Rachel's touch.

"So you nervous about today?" She asked with a knowing look.

"Why would you say that?" Rachel asked cocking her head to the side in a way Santana found ridiculously adorable.

"You keep smoothing out my shirt when it's completely perfect. You only do that when you're nervous or when your horny" She smirked as she sat down on her girlfriend's bed, looking up at the smaller girl in front of her.

"Alright, I will admit that I'm a little nervous." She said with a huff. Damn girlfriends and their knowing your every tell.

"I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do, I've never been on a girl's day and I don't want to screw it up. I want Tanya to like me, I've never had a sister before." She confessed leaning against her desk.

"Baby, Tanya already likes you. This isn't some sort of test, she only wants to get to know you. All you're supposed to do is be yourself." Santana explained patiently. Rachel bit her lip and crossed her arms over her chest and Santana breathed in deeply. It hurt that after all this time, Rachel still didn't think she was good enough for people to like her. She knew the smaller girl had trouble making friends because of her excessive use of extensive vocabulary and her constant need to be on top of everything, but she hated that Rachel constantly doubted herself, especially when it came to something as small as this.

"Look it will almost be like hanging out with me, B, and Q. We just got to watch our more sexual jokes because we're around your foster mom." Rachel tried not to laugh, but couldn't really help it. She nodded her head in understanding.

"I'm so glad you're coming with us. I would most likely make a fool of myself if you weren't." Rachel said pushing herself off the desk to grab her coat when she heard Kara calling them from downstairs.

"No you wouldn't have, but I'm glad I can be here to help take some of the nerves away, plus it gives me another reason to be with you." Santana replied, following her girlfriend downstairs.

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><p>Rachel had an amazing time at the nail salon, there was something about be pampered like that made her every worry disappear, at least for the time being and she voiced her new found love of the salon, Kara just laughed.<p>

"Wait till we have a spa day, next vacation that's totally what we're doing." She said as Rachel smiled and felt her nerves untangle a little more. Santana smiled as well, noticing Rachel visibly begin to get more and more comfortable around Tanya.

Next was lunch at Breadstix, the staff immediately recognized Santana and hurried to sit the group and cater to their every desire. Santana smirked as the young waiter almost fainted in fear when he realized he was assigned to wait Santana's table. Her smirk dropped a little when she noticed the glare that Rachel was sending her way.

"Calm down babe, I'll play nice as long I gets me some breadsticks." She said with a wickedly sweet smile. "Now!" She directed towards the waiter who rushed off to fetch the bread sticks, causing Santana and Tanya to laugh and high five each other and Rachel and Kara to glare at the girls. She couldn't help it, this was her favorite restaurant and everyone knows what Santana wants, Santana gets.

"So, Tanya, what are you majoring in?" Santana asked curiously when their food arrived, not recalling if Rachel had ever told her.

"Biomedical Engineering." She answered as if it were no big deal. Santana's eyes went wide, she definitely wasn't expecting that. "I want to be able to help people in my brother's situation, plus I found it's really fun and I enjoy it a lot." She explained, Kara giving her daughter a proud look. Both Rachel and Santana nodded, it made sense and it was sweet.

"What about you, Santana? I know Rachel applied to NYADA for musical theatre, my little sis is going to be a big Broadway star!" Tanya said with pride, Santana smiled down at Rachel who was blushing and looking down at her food. If this girl could support her girlfriend's dreams then she was totally okay in her books, just as long as she didn't do anything to hurt her then they would get along perfectly.

"What are you planning for the future Santana?" She asked again, the Hispanic girl shifted nervously as her small girlfriend looked up at her with curious eyes.

"Well I've applied to NYU and Columbia University, I have a real good shot at getting a cheerleading scholarship at NYU according to the coach." She told them shyly, she could practically feel the pride radiating off her girlfriend when she mentioned the scholarship. It made her smile a bit and helped her push her nerves back a little.

"I'm not really sure what I want to major in though, all I know is I want to be in New York with Rach. I haven't really given much thought to what I want to do with the rest of my life." She stated, feeling a panic build up within her, realizing she didn't have a plan. All of her friends had plans, even Puckerman had some idea of what he wanted in life, everyone had a goal except for her. She thought of her future with Rachel on Broadway, she thought of the sleek apartment they would own, and how they would get married and have kids. She could see her future clearly, but the one thing she couldn't see was a job. What if Rachel decided that she couldn't be with someone that didn't know what they want in life? She started to panic, the thought of Rachel leaving her became too much and she stumbled over her words.

"Don't worry 'Tana, you have time to decide. You can go in as undecided and declare your major when you're ready. I'll help you figure out what you want to do, we'll figure it out together, baby." Rachel told her sweetly before kissing her cheek. Santana blushed and squeezed the smaller girl's thigh thankfully while nodding that she understood.

"Rachel, have you heard from NYADA yet?" Tanya asked realizing Santana was starting to get slightly uncomfortable with the conversation directed towards her.

"No, not yet." She replied quickly, she was so nervous about getting her letter, but she knew it was still too early, but that didn't stop her from waiting everyday outside the mailbox.

"Well have you applied to any other schools as a back up?" Tanya asked and immediately regretted it when she felt her mom tense, while Rachel's frowned and Santana growled.

"She's getting into NYADA, my girl is too damn talented not to." Santana barked, squeezing her girlfriend's thigh again, this time to comfort her. Rachel covered her hand with her own to let her know she appreciated it.

"I know she is, I've heard her sing and her voice is like heaven." She told her truthfully, smiling at Rachel who smiled back shyly. "I'm just saying for security reasons, it's always good to play it safe. You don't want to get too cocky even if you're as good as Rachel is." Santana relaxed a little, knowing she was right and that was better to be safe than sorry. She just didn't like anyone doubting Rachel because she knew her girl could do anything as long as she believed in herself.

"I have applied to NYU and Columbia as well." Rachel replied and Tanya nodded in approval. They talked a little more getting to know each other and get comfortable around one other. Even Kara couldn't believe how much she was learning about her foster daughter during this girl's outing. She had no idea Rachel also knew how to street dance along with knowing ballet and tap. Santana looked surprised as well.

"I thought you only took ballet and tap?" Santana asked confused.

"Well, Daddy insisted on signing me up for dance lessons, but dad would only allow me to attend ballet and tap. But I met Brittany at ballet and she offered to teach me hip-hop so Daddy made a cover story and I stayed after with Britt and she taught me everything she was learning. Of course I am nowhere as good as she is, but she is a very good teacher and I've learned a lot from her." Rachel explained, smiling as she thought about how fun it used to be to dance and mess around in the empty dance studio with the tall blonde, no one there but her father to watch them.

"Why didn't B ever tell me?" Santana asked still curious to why this is the first she was hearing about this.

"Well street dance has always just kinda been mine and her thing. I love it and at the time it was the only real way for me to express myself, but I prefer to keep that for myself and not the stage, Brittany understood that so she just never told any one." Rachel explained and Santana nodded. She looked over at Kara and Tanya to find impressed looks on their faces.

"Well I hope you will share it with me one day. I know it's a bonding thing for you and B, but I would love to share that part of your life." Santana said nuzzling her girlfriend's cheek with her nose. "Hmm, I love discovering new things about you." She sighed as an after thought, making Rachel laugh.

"Maybe... if you're good I'll tell you more." Rachel told her slyly. Santana pulled back and scoffed.

"Babe, I'm always good." She joked back, nudging her a little causing her to giggle.

"Sure you are." Rachel said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "But I know how you feel, because every time I discover something new about you another part of my becomes complete." Santana smiled and kissed her girlfriend's temple, and blushed when she remembered Rachel foster mom and sister were sitting right across from them. Santana quickly turned the conversation to a different topic.

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><p>The last stop of the day was the park. Santana was talking with Kara while Rachel had her own conversation with Tanya, happily chatting about her favorite topic next to Santana: Broadway all while their hands were intertwined and swinging between them, bronze skin mixing with golden as Santana's thumb stroked the back of Rachel's palm. Every now and then one of them would squeeze the others hand to let them know they were still there. It gave them both a feeling of security that they appreciated.<p>

"So, Santana, I've been thinking, maybe you, Rach, your mother, and I can sit down and help you brainstorm some ideas for what you want to study in college?" Kara suggested carefully, unsure how the normally proud girl would react to needing help. Santana paled as she fought an inner battle with herself, she knew this was important and that she couldn't put it off any longer. She could feel herself straining, her mind working on fast forward as she tried to come to a decision. She was almost on the brink of tears when she felt her girlfriend squeeze her hand, knowing the small girl could sense her anxiety. It warmed her heart and instantly calmed her down in a matter of seconds and for a minute she was in awe over the little brunette's ability to take away her every worry with one touch.

"That might be cool." She said swallowing her pride, knowing she needed to ask for help because honestly she didn't even really know where to begin on figuring out what she wants to be.

"Good, I want you to know that I'm here for you Santana, just as much as I am for Rachel. You both deserve the best out of life." Kara told her sweetly.

"Thank you Mrs. Abrams." Santana smiled, her heart swelling with joy at the woman's touching words.

"Why don't you start calling me Kara? You're in love with my daughter so we might as well drop the formalities." The older woman told her with a grin, Santana grinned back and nodded her head.

Tanya laughed as her sister talked animatedly about the upcoming Regionals competition. The tiny diva couldn't wait to be able to actually enjoy being on stage without the fear of having to be perfect so that her father wouldn't beat her.

"So are you excited about Christmas, Rach?" Tanya asked changing the subject when Rachel finished her long speech about having the right set list and how Mr. Schue doesn't seem to want to listen to her suggestions about doing a Barbra tribute.

"I suppose." Rachel replied suddenly shy. Feeling her girlfriend's hand tense inside her own, Santana looked over to softly ask if she was okay. She received a sniff nod and reluctantly went back to her own conversation choosing to trust her girlfriend, but not before sending Tanya a warning glare for good measure. She didn't mean to be rude, but protecting the ones she loved was in her nature and she wanted to make sure nobody made her girl feel uncomfortable.

"What's wrong munchkin?" The taller brunette asked, unsure what she said to pull out shy, nervous Rachel.

"Kara and Tim told me that your grandparents from Tim's side are coming in to spend Christmas with us, that they will be arriving the day before Christmas Eve." Rachel stated, Tanya nodded.

"Yea, usually we go up to visit them, but they didn't want you to be overwhelmed with the whole family on your first year so they decided to come down here to meet you." Tanya explained to her. "Dad said Grandma Louise wants us to come up for Easter so she can meet you. She doesn't travel very well." Rachel nodded in understanding.

"I never had grandparents. My dad's parents died before I was born and my daddy's disowned him and wanted nothing to do with me." She told her sadly.

"I'm not sure how to act around grandparents." She confessed shyly as Tanya gave her a sweet smile.

"Don't worry they're cool, just be yourself, trust me, there's no hiding anything from them. They'll see right though you and start poking at you until you are honest with them. So just be chill around them and they'll love you." The college student advised, Rachel nodded thoughtfully, storing the information away for future use.

Tanya and Kara sat on the bench as Rachel dragged Santana over to the swings. They each took a separate swing beside each other, and giggled as they started a competition to see who can swing higher. Santana won of course, and Rachel tried to argue that she had an unfair advantage because her legs were slightly longer. Santana shook her head in amusement at her girlfriend's adorable pout and demanded she receive a prize for winning. Rachel laughed as she leaned in and waited for Santana to capture her lips, which she did in a slow sweet kiss that left them both breathless.

They broke apart when they heard someone cough loudly, Santana looked up to the source in annoyance raising her eyebrow at the middle aged women staring at them with disgust, holding the hand of a little girl around the age of six who was looking at them curiously. Rachel smiled at the young girl and gave her a little wave, the child smiled and went to wave back shyly but was stopped by the glare from her mother.

"Can we help you ma'am?" Rachel asked politely, keeping her hand on Santana's shoulder knowing the cheerleader's guard was up. She loved that her girlfriend was protective and she loved that she always felt safe around her, but she hated the mean and snarky side of her girlfriend, that one that threatened to unleash her wrath whenever she was attacked.

"You can stop spreading your filth around a child's playground." The women sneered and Santana immediately felt her blood start to boil. Rachel squeezed her shoulder, silently telling her to let her handle this for now.

"I am sorry ma'am if we upset you. But we are not spreading any filth only love, and this is not a playground it is a public park. The playground is on the other side of this park, I would be happy to help you find it if that's what you're looking for, or if you would like to use this swing set, my girlfriend and I were done anyway and would be happy to relinquish it to you." The small diva stated calmly and politely.

Though inside she was livid, she couldn't believe this women had the nerve to talk to people like that, let alone people she doesn't even know and in front of her young daughter no less. It was truly sad to see such ignorance and hate in one person. Sure she'd seen this type of behavior before, she was raised by two gay men after all, but something about knowing that this hate was being passed on to an innocent child made her sick to her stomach. Santana smiled proudly at how her girlfriend was handling the situation, but kept her guard up. She'd been around people like this before and she knew they didn't give up so easily.

"You are spreading filth, what you're doing is wrong and disgusting, and I will not let my daughter sit on that swing set after you two have infected it with your disease. I do not want her to catch your disgusting lifestyle, it's a sin." The woman said hatefully causing Rachel to whimper slightly, angering Santana greatly.

She was five seconds away one snapping and chewing this lady apart with no mercy, but the trembling brunette with the death grip on her left hand forced her to kept her cool for two reasons. One, she did not want to scare Rachel again, the time they spent apart nearly killed her and the terrified look the singer had in her eyes broke her heart, it was something she never wished to witness again under any circumstance. Two, she wouldn't be a bad example to that child giving the mother a chance to use it to teach her daughter more lies about why homosexuality was wrong. She was about to attempt a response without losing her temper when another voice spoke up before her

"For one lady, homosexuality is not a disease and you can not catch it. It's also not a choice, it's how you're born. Now, you are entitled to your opinion, but please next time keep it to yourself. If you don't like what you see just walk away, no one is forcing you to watch, and honestly watching two teenagers kiss is kind of pervy anyway." Tanya said standing behind her sister, her mom standing a little behind them watching to see how the young group would handle themselves.

The woman gasped at Tanya's last statement and turned red in the face. "How dare you speak to me that way! I know all about this girl from the news and talk around town, her situation is proof that homosexuality leads to violence, and this proves that if you are exposed to such behavior and raised around it you will indulge in such behavior as a result." The woman sneered trying to speak eloquently, but her anger led to outrage and she only managed to sound like a complete idiot.

"Don't you dare speak to my girlfriend that way, you know nothing about what happened to her and what she went through! What you just said is completely ridiculous and untrue. Rachel is the most wonderful and beautiful girl I know so stop talking like you know a damn thing about her because small minded assholes like you only listen to gossip that isn't even true!" Santana said shooting up out of the swing, Rachel immediately grabbed her elbow keeping her from advancing on the woman any further. She turned to give the small girl a reassuring look that she wouldn't do anything rash.

"I believe you have harassed my daughter and her girlfriend enough Miss. Please never approach them again." Kara said, finally walking up to the group, starting to usher the three girls away.

"How can you call that mistake your daughter? She isn't even yours." That's all it took for Kara to lose it as she swung around and stared at the woman with nothing but pure rage in her eyes. No one questions her love for her children, blood related or not.

"She is far from a mistake and she is my daughter. Blood does not make a family, love does. I hope you show your own daughter love and not the hate you have shown my girls today because what you did today effects her more than you'll ever know." Kara barked dangerously, leaving the woman speechless. "Now please leave us alone." She snapped as she began to usher the girls off. They'd almost demonstrated a proper storm out, one that Rachel couldn't help but be proud of, when the little girl tore away from her mother and grabbed Rachel's wrist to stop her. The mother went to stop her, but Kara gave her a look so all she did was watch as Rachel bent down to the young girls level.

"Yes sweetie?" Rachel asked the timid girl softly.

"I think you're really pretty, please don't let what my mommy said hurt you." The little girl told her shyly. The girl in front of her looked so hurt by her mother's words that Rachel couldn't help but to reassure her. She just wanted to make her smile, she'd do anything to keep the frown off the little girl's face.

"Thank you, you're very pretty as well" The little girl smiled and blushed before going back over to her mom taking her hand as they walked away.

"You okay baby?" Santana asked, wrapping her arms around the still slightly shaken girl. The little girl amazed them all and Rachel couldn't help but to smile up at her girlfriend.

"Yeah, I'm good." She said hugging her back before they all starting walking back to the direction of the parking lot.

"I'm sorry your first girl's day ended so badly, Munchkin." Tanya apologized once they were all in the car. Rachel shook her head.

"It wasn't ruined at all. Yes, that type of ignorance hurts more then I care to admit, but then something beautiful happens like that little girl and its doesn't seem as bad anymore." Kara and Tanya smiled back at the girl, and Santana kissed her cheek.

"I have to say, I am very proud of all of you today, you all handled that very well a situation like that could have turned ugly very fast, but you all handled it with maturity that most kids you age don't have." Kara said with pride.

"Really? I was ready to lock that woman for making my baby cry." Santana said as she wrapped putting her arm around Rachel's shoulders, who in turn laid her head on the darker girls shoulder.

"But you didn't Santana, and that is big step for you, and despite the language used, you handled it well." Kara explained, Santana nodded once in understanding before laying her head on top of Rachel's.

"So, did you have fun today Rach?" Tanya asked nervously, and in that moment Rachel realized she had been just ask nervous as she was.

"I had so much fun today Tanya, thank you all for giving me this amazing day." Rachel told them truthfully, making them all smile at her.

"Many more to come baby girl." Santana whispered in her ear causing Rachel to grin. They fell into a light conversation for the remainder of the ride home with both girls in the backseat falling into a peaceful sleep.

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><p>Rachel was spending Christmas Eve with the Lopez family, since the girls would be forced to be apart on Christmas day due to family obligations. Neither girl liked the idea of being apart but accepted it and were glad that they were at least able to spend the day before together.<p>

They were currently watching sitting in the spacious living room, cuddled together on the couch watching Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, a Lopez family tradition. Tony tried to say he was too old for this sort of movie, but the minute his mother popped the DVD in, he was glued to the television screen. Santana smiled down at her girlfriend only to find her big brown eyes also glued to the television screen. She had told Santana she hadn't seen this movie since she was about five and she really didn't remember much of it, which basically flabbergasted the whole Lopez family. This movie was timeless and although Santana would never admit in fear of ruining her badass reputation, it was one of her favorites.

She laugh quietly as Rachel's eyes stayed on the flat-screen television in front of them, as if she refused to even blink, she was so memorized by what was playing before her. She honestly could relate to Rudolph on being different and just wanting to fit but she just couldn't. Santana seemed to realize this fact on her own as well, because she strengthened her arms around her small form and kissed her temple, trying to swallow the feeling of guilt she could just never wash away because once upon a time, she made her girlfriend feel exactly like Rudolph. She teased her because of her dreams and talent just like Rudolf was teased about his nose.

Dinner was a joyous event as they gathered around the table to eat the wonderful Christmas Eve meal that Maria had prepared for them. Rachel smiled when she noticed the older woman had remembered that she was vegan and had her own vegan dishes from specific recipes Rachel had given to Santana, laid out on the table with the rest of the meal. She smiled even bigger when she realized each of the Lopez's were even trying some of the vegan food, though some begrudgingly, meaning Tony. She smiled shyly when each of them admitted that it was actually pretty delicious, Maria even smiling and suggesting that they start eating healthier.

"You just have to know how to season them properly, a lot of people don't know how." Rachel explained softly, a red tint adorning her cheeks.

"Well I'm glad I was able to follow the recipes you gave us correctly, though it would have been hard not to, they were very detailed." Maria said with a laugh.

"That's my Baby for you, all about the details." Santana said smiling as she nudged the girl playfully with her shoulder, her heart swelling as Rachel laughed with them, her contagious giggle ringing out and piercing her heart in the best way possible.

"Yes, well I feel the more detailed you are, the better chance you have at success." She said, causing the rest of the table to laugh fondly at her.

After dinner Rachel and Santana went down to Santana's room to exchange their presents privately. Tony tried to protest saying he wanted to see what they got each other, but Julio rolled his eyes threw his little brother over his shoulder and carried him upstairs to his own bedroom going to have some special brother time and play video games, even letting Tony pick out the game if he promised to leave their sister alone.

Santana went first, handing Rachel her present. She went simple this time and made her a mix playlist with Santana singing Rachel's favorite song's even including some of the show tunes she'd watched a million times in her room as they made out on Rachel's bed. Rachel was greatly impressed and hugged her for a long time, taking in every bit of her amazing girlfriend before pulling away.

"How did you record these? They sound really good." Rachel asked, her trained ears picking up the professionalism in the recording quickly as they played.

"Julio goes to an arts school for animation, there's an audio department there. He's tight with one of the students in that major they recorded me up at the school. He's using it for his final project I guess as well, it actually took a really long time." Santana admitted shyly.

"Thank you baby, this is amazing! Now I can take your amazing voice with me everywhere and hear it whenever I want." Rachel told her, kissing her cheek and then her lips passionately. Santana moaned into the kiss wanting to take it further when Rachel pulled away.

"Now open yours!" Rachel said jumping up and down a little in place, she was nervous that the Latina might not like it and the anticipation was killing her. Santana laughed at her girlfriend's excitement and took the present presented to her.

The Latina slowly unwrapped and picked up the small pouch. She opened it up and gasped and smiled at what she saw. They were customized Dog Tags. The first one read:

Santana Lopez

'Tana

Protector

and

Lover

She smiled loving the words her girlfriend had chosen. She looked at the second dog tag, the one that was meant to hang lower then the first and read it.

I love you

My Beautiful

Girl

Love

Rae-Rae

She felt tears form in her eyes as she looked to her sweet girlfriend and saw her nervously waiting for some type of reaction. Seeing the tears, Rachel worried that she may have done something wrong, she knew the girls Abuelo was in the military when he was alive, and that dog tags had always fascinated the girl, but she wondered if she over stepped her bounds with this present.

"Baby girl, this has to be the most amazing gift. The words you chose to go on them are absolutely perfect, it's perfect and so are you. Thank you so much baby." She told her happily making Rachel smile in relief. Santana leaned in for a kiss but was stopped by Rachel, she looked up at the diva confused.

"There's one more part of your gift." She said pulling out the bigger bag she had managed to hide from the Latina with the help of Maria. Santana looked at her curiously but still kept her giddy smile on.

She removed the tissue paper from the bag and she laughed happily at what she pulled out. It was another Build-a-Bear, but this one was a puppy with a red heart over its left eye and on all its paws. She looked over at her girlfriend with a large smile and waited for the explanation that she knew was coming.

"Well the Build-a-Bear you gave me really does help when you're not there to hold me, so I wanted to give you the same thing. It's a puppy because dogs protect their packs and you protect the ones you love. I kissed the heart I put in side it three times by the way, Puck can verify if you'd like." Rachel explained shyly with a large smile. Santana pulled her into a passionate kiss, holding her close and putting all her love into the sensual touch of lips.

"I love you and this is absolutely amazing, I'm not even ashamed to say that I will be cuddling with this every night when you're not here." She said against her lips, making a shiver run down Rachel spine. "Did you seriously drag Puck into Build-a-Bear with you?" She asked with a laugh as Rachel nodded.

"Yeah, he wasn't exactly happy, but the boy can't say no to a fellow Jew." She replied and Santana chuckled while shaking her head. The small diva didn't just have her whipped, she had everyone whipped, especially two of Lima's most badass residents.

"Do you really like your presents?" Rachel asked, she needed to be reassured one last time as she watched the darker girl play the dog tags around her neck.

"I absolutely love them baby! Do you like yours?" She asked hoping the playlist didn't seem to egotistical.

"Of course I do, your voice always soothes me. I love that now I'll be able to hear it whenever I want. Though the live performances are always the best." She flirted as she leaned in closer, teasing the Latina.

"Oh yea, well the same goes for me. You're voice is absolute heaven, I can't wait for the day when I'll be able to hear you perform on Broadway." Rachel launched herself at Santana and attached their lips. The rest of their evening was spent cuddling and making out, trying to connect with each other as much as they could before they were separated for the day.

* * *

><p>Christmas morning was spent unwrapping presents from under the tree and family bonding. When that was finished, Kara headed to the kitchen to start preparing the Christmas dinner, Rachel immediately going to help, which surprised the older woman, she usually had to pull teeth to get someone to help her. The only reason Tanya helped with Rachel's birthday breakfast so easily was because the college aged girl wanted to make a good impression on her new sister.<p>

"You don't have to help sweetheart." Kara told her honestly, she didn't want the young girl to feel obligated or anything, she wasn't even sure if Rachel celebrated Christmas since she was raised Jewish.

"I know, but I want to. But if it's not of any inconvenience to you, may I please not handle any meat or animal products?" She asked shyly. Kara smiled at the girl and nodded.

"I would never make you do that honey. Why don't you work on the vegan stuff I had planned to make for you?" Kara offered as Rachel nodded in relief.

A few hours later the doorbell rang, Rachel was so caught up with what she was doing in the kitchen that she didn't even notice until she heard an unfamiliar voice ring through the house.

"Where is my new grand baby?" The voice called and Rachel froze, looking over at Kara silently asking what to do.

"You'll be fine, I promise." Kara told her reassuringly before calling out to the voice that they where in the kitchen. No later the five seconds after an elderly woman and man who looked quite good for their ages entered the room.

The woman went right over to a nerve ridden Rachel and enveloped her in a huge hug that could rival Brittany's. At first Rachel's arms hung by her side in shock as her breathing stilled for a second, before she snapped back to reality and returned the hug awkwardly.

"Ma, let the poor girl go, you're overwhelming her." Tim chuckled as he entered the kitchen and greeted his parents.

"Oh I'm sorry dear, sometimes I get carried away. I'm Cynthia Abrams, Tim's mother and this is my husband, Robert Abrams." Cynthia introduced herself and the elderly man behind her. Robert smiled sweetly at the young teen.

"It's very nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Abrams, I've heard a lot about both of you. I'm Rachel Berry." Rachel greeted them both politely.

"Oh none of that now. We understand that it might be too soon the call us grandma and grandpa, but at least call us Cindy and Rob." Cindy requested, she was obviously the more vocal of the two.

"Of course." She nodded. "Cindy, Rob it's a pleasure to finally meet you." Rachel amended her previous greeting with a small smile.

"The pleasure is all ours Rachel, Tim absolutely cannot stop going on about you and how wonderful you are." Rob told her, causing the nervous girl to blush.

"Well they have been wonderful as well, I couldn't ask for a better family to take me in." Rachel replied truthfully.

"This one is quite the charmer, Tim." Rob said with a chuckle as Tanya and Artie finally entered the room to greet their grandparents.

"Oh we know, she's definitely a keeper." Kara said winking at the diva making her relax a little as she began to get use to the new people around her.

"Come on dear, let's go get to know each other." Cindy said taking her small hand as she pulled her towards the living room.

"But I was helping with dinner." Rachel tried to protest, not wanting to leave Kara hanging. But Kara just waved her off.

"Go ahead sweetheart, you've already done more then enough to help. Besides, this one is going to take your place." She demanded looking straight at Tanya who sighed, and started to get to work. The only reason she wasn't complaining about Artie not helping was because she knew from experience the boy would burn down the house if they let him near a stove and this meant she wouldn't have to do the dishes afterwards anyway.

Rachel sighed and let Cindy guide her out of the room, but not before hearing Kara whisper to Artie. "Make sure they don't overwhelm your sister, we know they mean well but sometimes they can be a bit much." Artie nodded in understanding and followed the three into the living room.

"So, Rachel, tell us about yourself." Cindy said getting straight to the point.

"Um well, I'm captain of the glee club, a straight A student, and someday I hope to be on Broadway." She stated proudly.

"Yea, she totally has an incredible voice, its like perfect pitch all the time. I think the only time I ever hear your voice crack was when you had laryngitis your sophomore year and even then she still sang better than Miley ever could." Artie said to help Rachel out. She smiled at him thankfully, him being here was really helping her nerves.

"That sounds amazing! Tim tells us that you have applied to NYADA, that's a great school many successful people have come out of that school. It would be an honor to know someone from our family is going there." Tim said sincerely.

The questions went on as they got to know the girl they now considered their granddaughter. Rachel was a bit shocked how accepting this family was of her, when just a few months ago they knew really nothing about her. But here they were welcoming into their family with open arms, no expectations except to be herself. They weren't even pushing her about what happened with her father, which surprised her because most people wanted to know the juicy details like they were hearing about a bad car accident on the highway. That usually resulted in a growl from Santana and a snarky remarked before the Latina would lead her away.

"So my dear, let's get to the good stuff." Cindy said with a sly smile. "Do you have a boyfriend?" She asked and Rachel froze in panic and looked to Artie in horror.

"None of you told them?" She squeaked out, fear encompassing her entire body. She had been talking, assuming that they already knew about her and Santana and that they were okay with the fact. Artie shrugged, he assumed his parents had told them as well.

"Told us what?" Rob asked in a soft, calming voice. Hoping to help soothe whatever was frightening the girl. Neither of them wanted her to be afraid to tell them anything.

"Well, um I'm... You see... It's just that..." Rachel stuttered and trailed off, this was more terrifying then when they came out to their parents when they got together and this time she didn't have Santana to give her the courage and strength she needed. She knew how it went with Santana's Abuela, she didn't know if she could handle that type of rejected from these wonderful people who were meant to be her family now. Artie reached over, took her hand in his and squeezed, hoping to give her strength. He honestly didn't know how this was going to end, his grandparents were pretty open-minded, but they never actually had a discussion on this type of subject.

"Sweetheart, take a deep breath. It's okay, you can tell us anything, it won't change how we see you or how much we care about you." Cindy reassured the diva, placing her hand on her knee and looking into her eyes to let her know she meant every word. Rachel nodded and took a deep breath, squeezing Artie's hand to make sure he didn't let go.

"I don't have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend." She told them carefully, looking at each of them thoroughly to gage their reactions. Neither looked surprised at all, as they just continued the look at her with that loving gaze that only grandparents can give.

"That's great dear, see that wasn't so hard. Now please tell us about her, is she as pretty as you?" Cindy asked excitedly, Rachel sighed in relief and eagerly dived into the topic of her girlfriend, something she could talk about for days, other than Broadway and Barbra of course.

After dinner and while everyone was just sitting around laughing while enjoying dessert, the phone went off and Kara quickly excused herself to go answer it, not too long after Rachel's cell phone went off. She looked at the caller ID, quickly apologized for the interruption before leaving the room to answer it in private.

"Hey baby." Rachel greeted, the smile plastered on her face was big enough too be heard in her voice.

"Hey Rae-Rae." Rachel's smile immediately turned into a frown when she heard her girlfriend's solemn voice and sniffling on the other end.

"Tana, what's wrong? Is everyone okay?" She asked in a panic, automatically assuming the worst.

"Everyone's fine, I just needed to hear your voice." Santana replied as she tried to control how her voice sounded, realizing how much she was worrying the girl on the other line.

"Then what is it baby? You can tell me anything." Rachel assured, wanting more then anything to run over to the Lopez's right now and comfort her girlfriend in person.

"My Abuela showed up for Christmas about an hour ago and completely ignored me until she finally said something rude to me and then my mom went off on her for doing so and ignoring me. They're arguing about me right now upstairs and I just needed to hear your voice to get away, I need you to make everything okay like you always do." Santana explained, Rachel felt her breath hitch, her chest constricting in pain for the girl she loved.

"Sweetie, I am so sorry. Do you want me to come over there? I'm sure no one would mind if I left." Rachel asked hoping Santana would say yes, not only did she want to be able to hold her upset girlfriend, but wanted to give her Abuela a piece of her mind and inform her of what an amazing girl she was just tossing aside.

"No." Santana answered immediately. "I don't want you anywhere near her and her hate. I was actually hoping I could come over there, Papi actually told me it would be a good idea until things cooled down over here. Though honestly, I think he knows I just really need you right now." Santana told her with a slight laugh at how well her parents knew her.

"Of course you can, I want nothing more then to be able to see you right now and to spend the Christmas holiday with you." Rachel told her.

"Thank you, I'll be over soon, and before you say it I'll drive carefully. I love you." Santana said finally getting her tears to slow for the time being, she could break down again when she was safely in her girlfriend's arms.

"I'll say it anyway, drive safe." She told her smiling when she gained a slight chuckle. "I love you too, see you when you get here." They both hung up and Rachel let out a heavy sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair to try to calm herself before she re-entered the dinning room, but before she could even get a word out and explain the situation, Kara spoke.

"I already know Rach, and it's fine. I just got off the phone with Armando. I assume she's on her way over now?" She asked and Rachel nodded sadly, relieved that they understood.

"Go wait for her sweetheart, I know you want to." Cindy told her sympathetically. Rachel nodded managing the tiniest smile as she went to wait by the living room window to watch for her girlfriend's car.

Soon enough Santana pulled up in the driveway, and before she could even knock on the front door, it flew open and she was tackled into a strong hug.

"I'm okay Rae-Rae, just upset." She assured her gently pushing the smaller girl away. Rachel looked up at her and lovingly moved some hair from her face before gently caressing her tear stained cheeks.

"Let's go inside." Santana whispered, Rachel nodded and took her hand leading her through the door. They went into the dining room to say hello to the Abrams' and let them know she arrived safely. Cindy took in the young Latina's tear stained face and got up from her spot and engulfed the young girl in a strong hug. She looked at Rachel questioningly, but all the tiny girl could do was shrug. Santana finally gave in and hugged back.

"You need anything dear, just ask. My granddaughter loves you, so that makes you family, and I take care of my family." She told her patting her cheek gently, Santana smiled instantly liking the woman.

"Thank you." She whispered, lacing her fingers with Rachel's.

"Now I think we should leave so your girlfriend can take care of you." Rob said moving to gather their coats, but Santana stopped them.

"Please don't, I don't want you to leave because of me. I would feel even worse knowing you left because of me, so please stay." She pleaded not wanting them to leave a minute before they were going to originally leave. Rob studied the girl's face for any hesitance and when he found none, he agreed and sat back down.

"We'll just be upstairs." Rachel said pointing towards the direction of her room.

"Alright dears, and Santana remember we all love you for who you are and so do your parents. Please remember that." Kara told her giving her a hug as Santana nodded.

"I know." She whispered as the two teens disappeared up the stairs.

Once behind the safety of Rachel's door, Santana broke down again. Rachel quickly moved her over to her bed and took her in her arms. Letting her cry everything out, while whispering soothing words into her ear.

"Let it out baby, I got you. Everything will be okay, we're all here for you. I'll never let you go sweetheart. I love you so much." Rachel whispered, tightening her arms around the shaking girl, not loosening her hold until she finally calmed about fifteen minutes later.

"The dog tags are what started it. She noticed them and decided I was worthy of her acknowledgement and asked me about them. I told her the truth and she called me a disgrace and that I was dishonoring my Abuelo by wearing them. That set my mom off, they were still arguing when I left." Santana explained, wiping her eyes as she sat up properly on the bed to look at her girlfriend's guilt ridden face. "Oh no baby, this is not your fault. I am not ashamed of you or these dog tags, I don't believe a word she said. It just hurt coming from someone I love so much, someone who I always looked up to and thought I wanted to be like. But now I don't want to be anything like her and that kills me, I feel like my whole relationship with her was a lie." Rachel nodded relaxing just a little bit.

"I know it hurts sweetie, but your Abuela still loves you, I know she does. If she didn't she wouldn't have even attempted to speak with you. All this hate and ignorance coming from her is out of fear of something she can't understand. Hopefully one day she will be able to swallow that fear and accept you and make up for what she's done. But for now you're allowed to be hurt by her and be extremely disappointed in her." Rachel told her softly. Santana nodded, she already knew this deep down, but hearing Rachel say it made her feel a lot better. She smiled sadly over at her girl letting her know she appreciated what she had just said. Rachel smiled back in understanding.

"I'm sorry I ruined your Christmas." Santana apologized and Rachel immediately shook her head.

"You didn't ruin it at all. I would have been so angry if I knew you were upset and didn't come to me because you thought it would ruin my day. I told you before, I want to know when your hurting because it will only hurt me more if I'm not able to help you. If you need your time alone I understand that, but please never think your ruining anything by coming to me when you're upset." Rachel told her passionately as Santana smiled and pulled Rachel to lay down with her.

"Come on, I need my diva cuddles to help me feel better." Rachel laughed and laid next to the taller girl, allowing her hold her close, smiling when she felt the cheerleader sigh contently. Not long after Rachel felt the other girl's breathing even out, the stress of the day caught up with her and she fell into a peaceful sleep.

They may have people out there who want to hurt them and break them down, but as long as they had each other they were going to make it just fine.


	18. Chapter 18

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 18

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh!

* * *

><p>Rachel chest tightened in panic, as her body tossed from side to side in her nightmare stricken sleep. Soft whimpers echoed through the room as sweat began to drip from her forehead. Her brow scrunched in fear and nightmare simulated pain. Suddenly she jolted awake breathing heavy, as her terrified mind came back to it's senses and she realized she was safe in her room back at the Abrams'. These nightmares where becoming more and more frequent, so frequent that they had stopped being nightmares and have turned into night terrors, and she had no idea how to deal with them. She couldn't tell anyone about them because that would drag a chapter out of her past that she'd rather keep to herself. She was disgusted with herself and could imagine just how everyone's opinion of her would change if they learned the truth behind these night terrors.<p>

She knew Santana was worried and wanted nothing more then for Rachel to open up to her about them. She could tell her girlfriend was dying to ask her about these night terrors and that she only wanted to help, but she was respectfully waiting for Rachel to come to her and for that Rachel was grateful. However, she knew Santana was becoming impatient with worry and she dreaded the day when she finally lost her patience and demanded the truth. As far as she knew Santana was the only one who knew about the night terrors, but Brittany stayed close by and always offered her help or support the day after she had one, so she suspected that Santana told her as a way to vent. She was a little angry with Santana for this, she never gave her permission to tell anyone about this. But in a way she understood, this was hard for Santana as well, she knew she was scaring her and she needed someone to confide in. If Rachel had it her way, no one would know about these night terrors or her past. She'd be a blank slate, a mystery to everyone and she had no problem with that.

She carefully got out of her bed and quietly made her way through the darkened house. She didn't want to wake anyone up just because she couldn't sleep. Her bare feet softly slapped against the hardwood floor as she walked through the dinning room and into the kitchen. She sat on the barstool at the island in the middle of the kitchen and stared out the kitchen window at the snow starting to softly fall. She smiled, watching the snow always had a calming effect on her, even though she honestly hated the cold she loved the snow, especially when it first falls. It's so clean and pure, untouched by man and pollution. It saddens her to know that the innocence of the snow won't last long. Because the minute early morning commute happens and the human race takes to the rode's, the clean snow will become dirty and touched, no longer holding its pureness.

In many ways the snow represented her, she was once innocent and thought nothing could hurt her. But then her daddy died and her dad laid his hands on her breaking her innocent view on the world. She learned that life wasn't the happy place that she once thought it was, but a dark place filled with nothing but pain and violence. Santana changed her view on the world slightly, proving that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, but it wasn't enough to change her mind completely. She'd learned the truth the hard way.

She often found herself jealous of Brittany, because she was that rare person who though they knew the evils of this world could still see it with innocent eyes. It wasn't fair that Rachel had been corrupted, forced to open her eyes to the truth at such a young age. It wasn't fair that she lost her chance to be happy, to have her innocence taken away by someone she trusted and loved.

"Rach, what are you doing up?" She startled a little when she heard a voice behind her ask. She turned to find Artie wheeling himself into the kitchen, looking at her with a confused look.

"Artie, I-I t-thought everyone was asleep," She said placing her hand over her chest to calm her rapidly beating heart.

"I was, but I needed to use the bathroom and I saw the light on out here. Why are you up? It's three in the morning," He asked tiredly, wheeling himself closer to her, placing his bare hand that was usually covered by driving gloves on her knee. She bit her lip as she started to tear up a little. No, she had to keep it together, she couldn't fall apart in front anyone anymore, she had to be strong.

"Hey, what's wrong? You can tell me anything," He told her in a soft voice.

She cursed his kindness and sensitivity, it made it harder to lie. "Just a nightmare, just needed to clear my head before going back to sleep. Nothing big," She told him with a fake smile.

"I don't believe you. I heard you and Santana arguing about these not a big deal nightmares the other day," Artie said crossing his hands over his chest, trying to look firmly at his sister.

"We were not arguing," she said indigently. He shook his head.

"It was arguing for the two of you," He stated thinking back to yesterday when he caught the couple fighting softly in the living room, their hushed voices echoing in his ears.

_Artie was studying in his room when he heard hushed whispers coming from the living. He cocked his head curiously because he could have sworn he was alone in the house. He wheeled himself over to the door, opened it a crack to find Rachel and Santana having what seemed to be a hushed argument. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, but seeing these two argue was such a rare sight now a days, he couldn't seem to tear himself away._

_"Santana I told you it's not a big deal. Just please let it go," Rachel pleaded, looking any where but at Santana._

_"I'm not letting it go, it's a very big deal. You're barely getting any sleep because of these nightmares and you're not talking to anyone about them," Santana said holding her ground, she wouldn't let her girlfriend suffer like this, she needed to help her._

_"I talk to you," Rachel argued, Santana laughed sarcastically._

_"No you don't. The only reason I know about them is because I wake up to you screaming and kicking in my arms on the nights we sleep in the same bed," She informed her throwing her hand up in the air in annoyance before calming herself down. "Don't you see baby, these nightmares are hurting you and seeing you hurt, hurts me. I know it's hard for you to talk about them but you need to, you're not alone anymore Rach. We're all here for you, I'm here for you," Santana told her passionately closing the gap between them and taking the shaking girl in her arms holding her close to her body, kissing the side of her head sweetly. Rachel sighed in content, but her body remained tense._

_"I can't Santana, I know you don't understand. But I just can't," Rachel said wanting to cry at the lose of contact when Santana pulled away with a sad almost brokenhearted look._

_"Do you not trust me enough? Is that what it is?" The Latina asked, her voice cracking with emotion. She thought they had a trust in one another, where they could tell each other anything._

_"Of course I do, damn it Santana, it has nothing to do with trust," Rachel said her voice raising slightly._

_"What does it have to do with then?" Santana asked her voice also rising in desperation to understand._

_"It's not a big deal, I can handle it myself," Rachel said through a clenched jaw. Telling herself this was worth the pain because she was protecting Santana, the truth would only hurt her more._

_"Damn it Rachel it is a big deal, why can't you see that?" Santana screamed, only to have Rachel shushing her._

_"Keep it down, I think Artie's home," Rachel told her in a demanded hushed tone. Santana closed her eyes and took in a few deep breaths, keeping her eyes closed until she was able to calm herself down._

_"Rachel, when you're having one of those nightmares and you're shaking in my arms and screaming for help, I'm terrified and I just want to help you but I don't know how because I don't know what's going on. Can't you see, baby? This is affecting both of us, you're exhausted because you're not sleeping well, I'm not sleeping because I'm worried about you. Just please talk to someone, you need help baby girl. Help that I can't give you," Santana pleaded as Rachel let her exhausted body fall onto the couch. Santana sat down next to her never letting them break eye contact._

_"I just can't talk about it 'Tana, please don't force me," She begged, a tear falling down her cheek. Santana quickly wiped it away with the pad of her thumb lingering for a few moments longer then she needed to._

_"That answer I can accept. I'll be here when you're ready to talk or I'll support you if you need it to be someone else. I just don't want you walking around pretending that it's not a big deal, please just don't push me away Rae-Rae," Santana said sweetly, kissing her softly. She leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together as she gazed into tear filled, chocolate brown eyes._

_"I love you," was Rachel's answer, reaching her hand up to massage the back of Santana's copper colored neck._

_"I love you too," Santana replied as they cuddled close together on the couch. Artie quietly closed his door, worry for his sister coursing through every vein in his body._

"You really shouldn't eavesdrop," Rachel reprimanded, causing Artie to shake his head.

"That's not the point. The point is even after that fight with Santana, you're still trying to write it off as nothing when it's really something that's bothering you. The fact that you have to come down here to clear your head before going back to sleep proves that. These aren't normal nightmares are they, they're more then that?" Rachel looked at Artie perplexed. She never had the boy speak to her with such passion and force before, he was honestly worried about her and it broke her heart to know that she's causing him this stress. Maybe she could talk to him without giving anything away?

"They're more like night terrors actually," Rachel confessed, her voice meek and soft as she looked down at her hands.

"What's the difference?" He asked.

"Well, Santana said when it happens I shake, sweat a lot, and scream. She said I also don't respond to her or seem to recognize her at all, I'm completely lost in the dream. That's what makes nightmares different from night terrors, in nightmares you don't do that it's just a bad dream," She answered, he nodded that he understood and waited patiently for her to continue talking about it in her own time.

"It's always the same dream, it happens exactly how it did when it really happened," Rachel told him absentmindedly, biting her lip as she tried not to cry just think about it.

"So it has to do with your father?" He asked carefully, she nodded slowly.

"What did he do Rachel?" He encouraged, but she shook her head.

"Please don't ask me that," She pleaded, her voice cracking as she held back tears. Artie sighed in frustration, but relented. He knew not to push her.

"Okay, well is there anything I can do to help?" Artie asked, hoping to be able to something so that he wouldn't feel so helpless.

"I don't know, I don't even know why I'm suddenly having them," Rachel told him, her body slumping in defeat.

"When did they start?" He asked, maybe if he could figure out the situation that triggered it he could get more information on what was really going on.

"Isn't this conversation kind of deep for three in the morning?" She asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at her brother.

"When else are we going to have a chance to talk alone in this house?" Artie asked with a smile, Rachel smiled back. That was very true, it was rare for these two to have a moment alone. Between extracurricular activities, glee club, homework, and Santana and Brittany always being around, they never really got to have just a pure brother and sister time alone.

"It started the first night Santana slept over and we shared my bed," Rachel told him, her eyes become unfocused as she seemed to drift off into a memory that was both pleasant and unpleasant at the same time. Having Santana so close to her at night honestly did make her feel safe and protected and love, but she almost hundred percent sure that being close to her that way is what triggered the night terrors.

"Do you have them every time you guys share a bed?" He asked as she shook her head.

"No, it usually after we try something . . . new," She confessed blushing. Artie smiled at her trying to tell her she didn't have to be embarrassed. But he was starting to feel a lump in his throat because his mind was thinking of the worst possibilities of what these night terrors were about.

"What about when she's not here? How often do they happen?" He asked carefully.

"Every time, when she's not here it's like I'm unprotected and vulnerable, and he can always get me when I'm vulnerable," She whispered tears falling down her face, she wiped them away quickly feeling a slight weight lift off her that she had finally let someone in.

"Hey it's going to be okay. You are safe, Santana would never let anything happen to you. Do you really think she would let you sleep here alone if she didn't think you were protected?" Rachel shook her head no, she knew all this but for some reason her subconscious thought otherwise.

"Anyone who tries to hurt you has to go through me and honestly this chair could do some serious damage someone's feet," He told her poking her knee playfully as she chuckled.

"Come on, enough with the heavy stuff tonight, let's just go to bed and if you still want to talk I'm always here," He said smiling feeling great joy from her infectious laugh. She nodded and stood up pushing his chair towards his room.

"Do you need help getting back into bed?" She asked.

Artie thought about it for a second. He didn't like needing help and honestly he could do this himself, he has hundreds of times before. But if Rachel was going to be vulnerable for him then he could at least be vulnerable for her. He nodded and even though he couldn't see he knew she was smiling, because helping people always made Rachel Berry smile. Once they got Artie settled back into his bed, Rachel kissed his cheek and thanked him before saying goodnight and heading upstairs to her own bed. Within ten minutes she fell into a peaceful sleep, feeling a protected feeling overwhelm her tired body. It wasn't as strong as she felt when Santana was near but it was enough to get her through the night without another night terror.

* * *

><p>Rachel slumped tiredly against her brother's shoulder in glee, even thought Artie made her feel safer in that house without Santana, it only prevented the night terrors for the rest of that night. They came back full force the next night, leaving her to quietly walk down to her brother's room who quickly learned after the first few times to have a sleeping bag already set out for her. Then before he would even wake up Rachel would have disappeared back to her room so that no one else would know.<p>

Santana walked into the choir, her shoulders slumping as she gave a little sad sigh. Rachel seemed to be clinging to Artie a lot more lately. She quietly walked over to the risers taking the seat behind her girlfriend next to Brittany who seemed to be having the same exact problem as her, as they sat there pouting together, though Santana would never admit to pouting. Rachel looked up at her girlfriend curiously, she hadn't given her a hello kiss. She was tempted to go and sit in her girlfriend's lap, anything to be back in the arms that made her feel so safe, but she remained silent as she snuggled closer to Artie. Santana shared a sad look with Brittany, who could only shrug in response, understanding Santana's distress. Santana knew that she couldn't push Rachel any farther than she already had, but she needed an answer. The tension her nightmares have caused between the two of them is thickening with every moment and the fact that Rachel won't even make eye contact with her is making it that much worse. It's so strong that she can't help the mixture of concern and jealously coursing through her veins as she watches her girlfriend hold onto her brother the way she used to hold onto her.

When Mr. Schue finally decided to grace them with his presence, they began their work for Regionals, which was fast approaching. Santana sighed and directed her attention to the curly haired teacher, at least she'd have something to take her mind off of it for a while.

"Alright guys, I've decided with the help of Rachel," He started giving the diva a soft smile, which she returned. "That we should do songs which we have already performed that way, we will have even more time to come up with a killer new set list for Nationals. Now, of course past competition pieces are out, but anything else we've done in here is up for grabs," He told them excitedly, not letting them in on the fight he gave about this proposal because he wanted to do another Journey medley.

"Now I was thinking, we should do the "Stop in the Name of Love/Free Your Mind" mash up for the group number, "One Love (People get Ready)" for the duet, and "I've Got to be Me" for the solo," He grinned proudly knowing he came up with the best set list ever and it wasn't even a Journey medley.

"Mr. Schue, shouldn't we have a say in this?" Mercedes spoke up. "I think it's a great idea to do past performances, but shouldn't we get to throw around some ideas of what we want to do," Everyone nodded agreeing with Mercedes. Rachel sat there frozen, trying to remind herself that she didn't have to worry about getting in trouble. She wasn't featured in any of these numbers and for a brief moment she closed her eyes and heard her father. She could practically feel him standing next to her, screaming in her face about being worthless. She felt like she was stuck in the past like nothing had changed.

Before she could stop herself, her breathing got heavier and body began to shake in fear. Unconsciously she leaned against Artie, her body shrinking into his as she tried to hide from her past.

"I just wanted to try to take some pressure off of you guys," Mr. Schuester defended.

Rachel's breathing was now becoming strained, her heart rate sped up, and sweat formed on her brow. Artie was the only one noticing the diva's distress and he frantically tried to break her out of her trance.

"But you're not Mr. Schue, anyway those numbers aren't even fair. They're all the guy's performances, none of them even incorporate us girls," Mercedes argued as everyone agreed, even Finn had to agree with the teachers obvious sexism.

Artie was having no luck calming Rachel down. Her fists were bawled together so tightly that her knuckles were turning white and he was sure that her nails were leaving indents in her palms at the least.

"We can play around with "Stop in the Name of Love/Free Your Mind" mash up to include you girls," The teacher waved it off nonchalantly as if it wasn't a big deal.

"How can you do this to me Mr. Schue! Do you really hate me that much!" Rachel burst out before Mercedes could respond. Everyone stood in shock, it had been a while since her last outburst. Mr. Schue recovered first, placing a disapproving scowl on his face.

"I thought we moved past this Rachel, you're not the only one in this club. Stop being so selfish!" He yelled at her causing not only Santana and Puck to growl at the man, but surprisingly Artie as well.

Rachel burst into tears as her panic finally took over her body, her airway lost it's battle to stay open as it began to constrict and left her gasping for oxygen as she fell to the ground. Santana finally realized what was bothering her girlfriend and took one big leap off the risers and dropped to her girlfriend's side.

"Rachel, Rachel look at me," She began lifting the girl chin so that panicked brown eyes met her. She smiled softly at her, trying to keep herself calm. "Just breathe sweetie, follow my breath," She instructed placing her small hand over her own chest, taking in a few deep breaths of her own to try to help Rachel regain hers.

"But I have to be the star, he'll be mad if I'm not," Rachel gasped out in strangled breaths, working herself up even more. Santana held her closer, pressing her front to the girl's back so that she could feel the constant movement of her chest moving up and down.

"He can't hurt you baby. You are the brightest star in the world, nothing can hurt you," She told her glaring at Mr. Schue in the process. "You don't have to be perfect anymore, no one is going to hit you because you're not." She reassured her not caring that she was revealing parts of Rachel's abusive past to the group.

They listened and blinked in shock, mouths hung wide open as their minds scrambled to put together the information Santana had let slip in her haste to calm her panicking girlfriend. Most of them couldn't even believe what they were hearing, they never knew there was actually a reason behind the diva's tantrums, they all just assumed it was a part of the craziness that was Rachel Berry.

Mr. Schue, surprisingly, was the most stunned. Tears silently streamed down his face as he looked at the broken girl in Santana's arms. How could he not know something so important about one of his student's he cared about so much?

"I'm selfish just like Mr. Schue said. Being a star in the only thing I'm good for and I'm not even doing it right," Rachel sobbed out pathetically. Santana was about to speak up when she was cut off by Artie. The club glared at Mr. Schue who took a step back at the overwhelming anger coming from the group of teenagers.

"Don't you dare talk about yourself that way. You are the most unselfish girl, hell the most unselfish person I know. You are amazing, and though no one can deny that you are a star, you are so much more then that. You are an amazing friend, you are an amazing girlfriend to Santana," He told her causing Santana to blush and sigh slightly in relief as Rachel began to calm in her arms, though she felt that slight tinge of jealously that it was Artie calming her and not herself. "And you are an amazing sister."

"But he told me all the time I'm nothing, but a selfish bitch, he even burned it into my back," She informed them in a quiet whisper. She sniffled lightly as she buried herself into the crook of Santana's neck, not even realizing what it was that she just revealed to all of glee. A collective gasp was heard.

"He did what?" yelled Puck, fury radiating off him as he jumped to his feet. Santana stepped in before this got out of control.

"Look, what that bastard did to her isn't a subject to deal with right now, so for now just let it be," Santana told them with a tone that left no room for arguments. "Rachel, he was selfish not you. You're amazing baby girl, please don't ever think otherwise," the Latina whisper into her ear, earning her a sad nod. Santana helped her up facing the glee director once again with a raised eyebrow.

"Right, well Rachel, I apologize. I was completely out of line and it was completely untrue," Mr. Schue apologized, though it didn't seem like enough.

"It's okay Mr. Schue," Rachel accepted the apology with a week smile. Santana scowled, because it really wasn't okay.

"Well let's end for today, and we'll talk about what you guys would like for a setlist next meeting," He said as a peace offering, he received stiff nods as the club began to file out.

"Hey Rae-Rae, you want to come to my house and gets our cuddles on?" Santana asked with her signature smirk, only it seemed softer and more playful when directed towards Rachel.

"I'm sorry San, I already have plans with Artie," She said walking out with the wheelchair bound boy. Brittany walked up with a sad look getting the same response from Artie when she asked him to hang out. They shook their heads as they left to go to Santana's house and pout together like sad swans who have lost their mates.

"I just don't get it! Why the hell is Rach clinging to Tron all of the sudden?" Santana spat out in frustration as she paced the floor of her room, the wear beginning to show in the carpet below her feet.

"San, I know you're mad right now and when you're mad you get mean, but please don't call Artie names," Brittany asked politely, causing Santana to pause for a second before giving a sniff nod.

"I just don't understand Britt, she suddenly wants to spend all this time with him and not me. I mean, I know they're brother and sister now, but I never had an urge to spend as much time with my brothers as she seems to be having with Artie," Santana defeated, falling down onto her bed was a large sigh. Brittany shrugged.

"It's the same with Artie, he would rather hang with Rae then me. But I'm more concerned about Rae then anything because Artie seems concerned about her and you have been concerned too, especially since her nightmares have been getting worse," Brittany thought out loud. Suddenly a light went off in Santana head, as she shot up in bed.

"Do you think Rach spoke to him about the nightmares?" She asked, jealously evident in her voice.

"She could have, or maybe Artie heard her in the middle of the night and comforted her," Brittany said with a shrug. Sure she missed her boyfriend a lot, but if Rachel needed him more right now then she is more then okay with it. She just wished there was someway she could help. She was also concerned how about the way Santana was going to react. She knew her best friend well enough to know she liked to be in control and that fact her own girlfriend couldn't come to her, but could go to her brother was taking away that control leaving her out of her element.

"That doesn't make sense Britt, Rachel's room is upstairs, Artie wouldn't be able to get his wheelchair up there to comfort her," Santana reasoned, knowing Rachel must of spoke with him.

"Who said she was upstairs? Maybe she came downstairs after one of her nightmares to clear her head, I know I do that after I have a bad dream," Santana nodded accepting that reason.

"But that still doesn't explain why they're hanging all over each other. Artie wouldn't freak out over one little nightmare, Rachel had to tell him more about them and for her to cling to him, he must have said something comforting to her," she said with a groan falling back onto her bed, burying her head into the pillow.

"Why couldn't she come to me, I've asked her about it a thousand times and I've reassured her over and over that whatever it is I wouldn't judge her, but instead she goes to Artie," She ranted, rage building up within her. All she wanted was for her girlfriend to trust her, but instead she trusted some stupid boy.

"San, you need to calm down. We have no idea what's really going on, let's just talk to them before we jump to conclusions," Brittany reasoned with her, Santana took a deep breath, nodding as she did. She didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize her relationship with Rachel.

"Alright, let's talk to them," She agreed, hoping that this wouldn't get out of hand.

* * *

><p>They were back in glee, this time Santana made a show of plopping down next to Rachel in the front row and placing her arm around her shoulders. Rachel gave her a strange look, before sharing a confused look with Artie who was on the other side of her. Mr. Schue entered and Santana sat straighter and puffed out her chest slightly. She hadn't forgotten about last meeting and there was no way she was going to let him insult and upset her girlfriend again, especially now that Rachel wasn't coming to her with her troubles anymore.<p>

"Alright guys, let's start throwing out setlist ideas," He announced, almost as if he were pretending like last meeting never happened. This angered Santana a little, she felt there should have been more of an apology from the self centered teacher then the halfhearted one he gave when it happened. She brushed it aside and focused back on her girlfriend who sat with her head down, refusing to meet anyone's eye.

They spent a good amount of time throwing around ideas to which songs they thought would be great to preform. Rachel was unusually quiet during most of the brainstorming, she didn't know if she should put her input in at all. She didn't want to come off as selfish anymore, so she only threw out suggestions where other people would be featured as leads instead. Santana kept pushing the songs where Rachel was lead though, causing the small girl to sigh each time. She wanted to be featured at Regionals, she was frightened by what would happen if she didn't. Would her father risk capture to show up and make sure she was still being the star? Would Kara and Tim get mad at her if she wasn't as well? Or would they be mad at her for taking a solo away from their son? It was just to much pressure either was so midway through the debate she just stopped participating.

"Well, I really think Rachel should be featured at some point, no matter what anyone says and I begrudgingly admit that she is our strongest performer and our best weapon no matter how many times we use her. The crowd always melts the minute she opens her mouth, kind of like the way we all do in her, no matter any differences any of us have had in the past with her," Kurt said winking at the shocked brunette, though most of their mouth's were watering at the chance of a solo, his included. He knew his fellow diva deserved this and the jealously and fighting for solos have long since passed them.

"I believe you're right Kurt," Mr. Schue agreed, hoping that maybe giving Rachel a spotlight would quench the guilt he felt from last meeting. He knew he crossed a line when he called her selfish, he even vaguely remember being warned in quick passing by Emma to not call her that, but he didn't give it much concern at the time, thinking the counselor was just being overly cautious about Rachel's emotional state at the time.

"I don't want a solo," She told them quietly. Santana looked at her curiously before placing her hand on her forehead.

"You don't feel warm, so you don't have a fever which means something is wrong for you not to want a solo. Are you sure you're feeling okay? You just turned down a solo," Santana asked her perplexed. Yeah, she knew Rachel was apprehensive about performing right now, but she never knew the girl to turn down a chance to show her talent. A talent that she more than deserved to show off, finally free of her father's unattainable demands.

"I'm fine," She huffed, moving away from the tanned hand still trying to check her temperature. "I just don't want a solo, I think you should have it," She told her smiling. Rachel needed to do this, she needed Santana to know that she was just as wonderful and talented, and maybe by Nationals, Rachel would again have the courage herself to perform a solo, but right now she just couldn't do it.

"Are you sure?" Santana asked, searching her girlfriend's eyes for any signs of doubt. She was honestly thrilled, that time she was able to perform "Valerie" on stage was one of the best moments of her life. To get that feeling back would be amazing, and honestly she was thrilled that her girlfriend had chosen to nominate her, she half expected her to nominate Artie with the way things have been lately.

"Very sure," She told her with a brighter smile. Santana could tell she was completely sincere and knew this was something Rachel needed to be done. She nodded and kissed Rachel on the temple before turning back to Mr. Schue. She couldn't help, but to be proud of everything her girlfriend had overcome. She'd gone from a scared little girl hiding in her father's shadows to an outspoken individual. Even though they hadn't hit every milestone, she was still incredibly proud of the progress Rachel made.

"Everyone agree on Santana being the soloist for Regionals?" He asked as they all grumbled in response. Many wanted that solo themselves, but they knew if Rachel didn't take it, then the next likely choices would either be Santana or Mercedes. So they bit their tongues and agreed, trying to keep this group a safe haven instead of the war zone it once was.

After some debate, it was decided she would sing "Constant Cravings", because of the beautiful and powerful performance she gave in front of the glee club with it. It honestly tugged at all of their heart strings, partially because they knew the situation behind it. She knew the audience would be able to feel the emotion she put into that song without knowing anything about what originally inspired her to perform it.

"Born This Way" was decided for the group number which made pretty much everyone happy, just as long as they didn't have to wear their T-Shirts. Once the subject of the duet came up Santana immediately spoke up.

"I think Rachel and Quinn should perform "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty," The Latina suggested making both girl's heads whip up in shock.

"That's a great idea!" Kurt gushed, he was still adamant that Rachel get some sort of recognition at Regionals. He just wanted to see his friend be truly herself on stage, a place he knew she felt most at home. Somehow he just knew some healing would happen on that stage for her. The way Rachel felt about performing was the way he felt about shopping, it was therapeutic and fun. Something they needed to do to survive, something they craved. He smiled as he thought about buying that new Marc Jacobs raincoat and how happy it makes him. He has the same smile Rachel has when she's performing and he realizes that she has to have her chance to shine.

Everyone agreed with this, they were unable to deny how much emotion went into that performance from both girls and how hauntingly beautiful it was. It also was the best choice to go with the little theme they had going on about acceptance that they didn't even meant to put together.

"How do you both feel about that?" Mr. Schue asked unsure what Rachel's reaction would be. She was distant during this meeting, more so than usual and he couldn't help but feel even worse about the things he said to her.

"I'm up for it if Rachel is," Quinn said. Rachel knew this was a huge step for her and an amazing opportunity for the blonde. Quinn didn't think she was good enough to perform, but Rachel knew she was. Despite her reservations about performing right now, she sucked it up and agreed with a smile, Quinn deserved a chance to shine along with everyone else.

Santana leaned in close to the brunette's ear and whispered. "You're going to be great baby."

Rachel smiled at Santana's words, but didn't notice the frown when her and Artie linked hands, the boy squeezing it with the reassurance she needed. Santana sighed believing that her words should have been enough to put her at ease. She felt useless and slightly offended that Rachel wasn't responding to her. She prided herself on being able to make the chatty, uptight diva a silent moaning mess with just one touch. But sitting here watching her girlfriend turn her down hurt her more than she'd ever admit. She needed to talk about this with Rachel soon before the jealously ate her alive and she lost the one good thing that ever happened to her.

* * *

><p>Santana convinced Rachel to ditch Artie to hang out with her. To Santana's surprise and delight it honestly didn't take much convincing. Once they got to the Lopez's house they were immediately shadowed by Tony. Santana growled in annoyance while Rachel thought it was cute. After playing the good big sister for a while, humoring him by playing video games with him. Though that wasn't a total waste of time because it was hilarious trying to teach Rachel how to play, which she never ended up getting. After what she believed to be enough time of sharing Rachel with her little brother passed, she asked him nicely to go do whatever it is he and his friends do together. He sighed, but agreed not wanting to argue with his sister in front of Rachel, knowing it upsets her.<p>

When they finally made it down to Santana's bedroom, they both collapsed onto the bed smiling at each other. After a while of talking, Santana decided to venture into the touchy topic that has been bothering her for days.

"Rach, can we talk about something serious?" She asked carefully. Rachel sighed and looked up at her girlfriend with tired eyes, Santana noticed for the first time the sleep deprived look in them.

"San, please, I told you already. I can't talk about the nightmares," Rachel told her, wishing the Latina would let it go.

"That's not all I wanted to talk to you about. You're spending a lot of time with Artie lately," the older girl said carefully knowing this was dangerous territory. If she wasn't careful she could end up unintentionally insulting the smaller girl.

Rachel cocked her head to the side in that adorable way that only she could. She had no idea why that would bother Santana, it's not like she knew what has been going on since that night they had the talk in the kitchen.

"So? He's my brother, I'm just spending time with him," She told her nonchalantly, not able to meet her eyes. She hated that she could lie through her teeth to almost everyone. She had once been able to do this with Santana, but not anymore. Even the smallest white lie had her turning away, her girlfriend's dark brown eyes were too much for her to handle. The overwhelming guilt of not being truthful with her girlfriend was unbearable.

"It seems like I barely ever get to see you anymore. You're always with him and Britt is feeling the same way too. I mean it's awesome that we've been able to spend some great best friend time, but we miss our partners," Santana said, though truthfully she knew this wasn't all that was bothering her. She knew this was still going to lead into the conversation about the nightmares and the feeling of betrayal from Rachel going to Artie instead of her, but she knew she had to ease Rachel into that conversation.

"You're jealous," Rachel smiled, causing Santana to automatically blush. "It's kind of cute," She gushed, giving a tiny giggle, sighing when the only response she got from Santana was a deeper blush and a huff.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry I didn't mean to leave you out," She said rubbing her hand gently up and down the darker girl's back. "It's just. . . well Artie has kind of been doing the brotherly thing with me and I really needed it I think," Rachel treaded carefully, hoping this didn't lead into the topic she wanted to avoid so desperately.

"That's what's pissing me off, Rachel," She yelled suddenly as she shot up from her spot beside the diva and began pacing her floor. "That should be me, I should be the one you need to go to," Rachel gave her a curious look, flabbergasted but the sudden outburst.

"You can't be my brother Santana," She informed her carefully.

"I know that! But I am your girlfriend, you should be able to come to me when you need to talk," She argued, wanting Rachel to understand her point.

"I do come to you, but Artie is giving me something I've never had before. A brother's protection, haven't you ever needed that feeling from Julio?" She asked feeling her own anger begin to stir out of frustration.

"Well yeah, but this is different. I know you told him about the nightmares," She screamed, and there it was the one thing Rachel didn't want brought up. Something she thought Santana was okay with leaving closed until she was ready. Even though Rachel knew she would never be ready.

"I didn't. . ." Rachel tried to argue back but Santana cut her off.

"Yes you did, I can tell. You're clinging to him like he's your lifeline. I can see he's concerned about you just like I am," She said frustrated. Rachel closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths.

"I didn't tell him what they were about," She told her truthfully.

"But you did talk to him about them," She said eager to get some answers.

"Yes," Rachel whispered. Santana felt her sharp pain in her heart, the betrayal evident on her face.

"He found me awake in the kitchen at three in the morning and got me talking somehow. I promise you, Santana, I didn't tell him much," She confessed feeling her heart break at the devastated look on her girlfriend's face. She cursed herself for causing that look to cross her girlfriend's beautiful face.

"But you still told him more then you told me?" She asked getting a nod of confirmation and immediately she felt her anger return.

"Why? I've told you a million times that I wouldn't judge you and I would do whatever to make it better," She asked fuming that her own girlfriend couldn't trust her even after she's proven to her that she could.

"You can't make it better Santana, don't you understand that," Rachel yelled, tears streaming down her face.

"No, I don't because I don't know what it is," She said taking a step forward causing Rachel to take a step back. Santana froze calming herself after seeing the panicked look on the diva's face. But her anger was still there and it wasn't leaving until she got some answers.

"You have no right to be angry," Rachel said after she collected herself. "You told me to talk to somebody, anybody if I couldn't talk to you," She sneered, a dangerous tone in her voice.

"I meant Dr. Cordell or Kara, not Artie," She breathed out, not liking how this conversation had turned into an argument.

"Why can't a talk to Artie? He's my brother," She asked seriously not understanding what was going on in her girlfriend's head.

"I know, but this is big. This is something that you should be able to come to me about over Artie. If it's that bad wouldn't you go to the person you trust most?" There it was, what was really bothering her. She thought Rachel still didn't trust her.

"I do trust you the most San, I really do. I trust you with my entire life. But this is not as simple as trust, it's bigger than that. I didn't tell Artie anything specific about them, I'm pretty sure he doesn't even have a clue to what they're about. I think the only thing he figured out, is that it's about my dad and I'm positive you already knew that as well," Rachel said sharply. She needed her to understand she didn't seek out Artie, she didn't plan on telling him anything that morning but it happened and it helped her feel safe in that house without Santana there to protect her.

Santana was about to answer when a loud screech of tires was heard outside followed by an even louder crash. A pained scream could be heard through the basement walls. Santana and Rachel felt their hearts stop, they knew that scream.


	19. Chapter 19

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 19

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thank you to my awesome beta kitaleigh! Warning this chapter does deal with the night terror and other difficult issues, trigger warnings are in effect.

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><p>Santana and Rachel stood frozen for mere seconds before they shot for the stairs, taking the declining steps two by two. They crashed through the front door, their hearts stopping immediately at the sight before them. Santana barely hears the strangled cry that leaves her mouth before she's rushing to her little brother's side, holding back tears he lied broken in the street, bruised and bloodied from the impact of the car. Rachel rushed forward as well, dropping to Tony's other side. Inside she's panicking, she doesn't really do well with these situations given her past, so when one of Tony's friends told them they had already called for an ambulance, she can finally breath.<p>

Tony lied unmoving, eyes closed, and completely lost to the world for the time being. In a way Santana was relieved because that meant her little brother wasn't in any pain. She knew from her father that it would be better if he was awake, because there would be less of a chance at possible brain damage. She leaned forward and carefully placed a hand on his chest, soothed by the way his chest moved up and down. At least he was breathing, even though it was shallow and completely wrong for a strong, full of life twelve year whose ran like the energizer bunny.

"Just hold on buddy, we'll get you to the hospital and they'll have you fixed up in no time. You just have to hold on 'till then, okay? Just hold on," The Latina whispered to her brother, never letting her eyes stray from his innocent bruised face.

Rachel took the time to observe the scene. Tony's beloved and coveted skateboard laid a few feet away broken in half, one of his skater shoes lied another few feet away. He never did tie those things properly, he always let them flop around on his feet. She assumes that it fell off easily on impact. Rachel shook her head tears trailing down her face, she wouldn't let herself picture that.

What scared Rachel the most was not the bruises that covered his body or even the blood that didn't seem to want to stop flowing. It was the fact that the boy's helmet laid forgotten on the sidewalk, completely unused.

"What happened?" She asked the nearest boy, her voice cracking with pained emotion. She had to keep moving to keep herself from breaking down the way Santana was right now, her girlfriend needed her and so did Tony.

"We were just skating, Tony went to cross the street and then this car came out of nowhere and just hit him and then took off, and it almost seemed . . ." the boy trailed off not sure if he should state his concern. Rachel looked up at him expectantly.

"What? Tell me," She demanded, she didn't mean to sound so forceful, but right now she had very little control over her emotions and she was doing everything she could to keep it together.

"It seemed like the person driving the car, purposely drove over his skateboard before taking off," he told her cowering slightly in fear of the fierce diva. The little boy knew he sounded absolutely ridiculous, but it all happened so fast and he saw it all.

Rachel closed her eyes, that skateboard meant a lot to Tony, it was signed by Tony Hawk the young boy's idol. He had to be wrong about it being on purpose, why would anyone purposely run over a twelve year olds skateboard? Then again, this was done by someone who was willing to leave a young child bleeding in the street, so she guessed she shouldn't put it passed him or her.

The sound of sirens drew closer and closer until they were right on top of them. The paramedics pushed through the crowd and over to the injured boy. Santana held him tightly, crying while she begged him not to leave her. She was babbling unconsciously, promising she would never tease him, push him, or ignore him ever again as long as he stayed with her. The paramedics couldn't tare the hysterical girl away. They looked over to Rachel, asking desperately for help. The diva nodded and knelt beside her girlfriend, speaking to her in a soft gentle whisper.

"San, you need to let them take care of him now. You need to let go, baby, so they can help him," She said carefully, placing a soft hand on her trembling shoulder. Santana shook her head, gripping the injured boy tighter.

"I can't leave him, he needs me," she whispered back, terrified that he would stop fighting if she let go.

"He has you, Sweetheart, and by letting these people take him, you're helping him get better," Santana nodded, she knew Rachel was right. She let go and the paramedics swiftly went to work.

Santana buried herself in her girlfriend's arms, desperate for the comfort they always provided. This time, however, they did little to soothe her as she watched her baby brother get whisked away in the ambulance. She tried to follow, but was stopped and informed that there wasn't enough room with all the machines. She was just about to argue when the door was slammed shut and the ambulance flew away towards the Lima General Hospital.

"It's going to be okay 'Tana. He's in good hands, you know that," Rachel said.

"His arm looked really bad Rae-Rae. I swear I could see his bone," Santana said through chocked sobs. Rachel held her breath, she wasn't worried about his arm so much as his head. She wanted to ask Santana if she'd noticed if that was where most of blood was coming from, but she didn't have it in her heart to traumatize her any farther.

"Come one Sweetie, I'll drive us to the hospital," She said, urging the girl to walk in the direction of her car. She looked back and saw three young broken faces staring at her, desperately asking her what to do. She inhaled deeply, she had to be the adult right now, no matter how much she wanted to break down as well.

"Go wait in the car baby, I'll be right there," She instructed, glad that the Latina always kept her keys latched to her jeans just in case. She waited until the trembling girl was safe in the passenger's seat before she looked back at the three boys. She recognized them, they were around a lot since they were Tony's three best friends.

"All three of you go home, make sure you tell your parents what happened so they don't worry. I promise I will get you any news about Tony when I can," she instructed the pre-teens. They nodded, each of them giving her their numbers before heading back to their own homes.

Rachel got into the driver's side of the car. She felt so out of place, it's been so long since she had to be the one driving. Santana always drove them, but looking at the broken girl beside her, she knew she was in no shape to drive and she had to stay strong for her. She reached over and grabbed the darker girl's hand, squeezing it firmly never letting go the whole ride to the hospital.

* * *

><p>The waiting room was crowded with sick people and worried families. Santana had let go of Rachel's hand the minute they got to the hospital, deciding instead to bury herself in her mother's arms who was already waiting at the hospital. The tiny diva couldn't help but feel a bit hurt by the action, she understood that she couldn't provide the type of comfort her mother could, but she couldn't help but wondering briefly if their earlier argument had anything to do with Santana seeking comfort from someone else right now. Rachel herself found a longing for the comforting embrace of a mother's arms right now, and briefly entertained the idea of calling Kara, but she couldn't. She needed to focus completely on Santana right now.<p>

Julio arrived about two hours later having to drive an hour and a half from the Ohio school of the Arts. The Lopez clan stayed close together, never leaving each others sides. Rachel wished she could feel some of their comfort right now. But she felt as if it wasn't her place, she wasn't really related to Tony after all. How could she ask for their comfort when they were in more pain than her? She felt like an outcast, watching while they all huddled together. She's never had a family like this to call her own and she feels like she's intruding. She found an empty chair in the waiting room as far away from people as she could manage and sits down, pulling her knees to her chest. She buries in them and finally lets herself cry quietly while rocking back and forth.

"San, I think you should go bring Rachel over her before she has a break down," Maria said, trying to dry her tears so that she could be strong for her family.

Santana looked up in confusion, the flood of tears never stopping as she did.

"What are you talking about?" She asked completely forgetting it was Rachel who brought her here. "Where is she?" Maria pointed to where Rachel sat still rocking, trying desperately to not let anyone know she crying, but she was failing miserable.

Santana was conflicted, she wanted nothing more than to comfort her girlfriend, but even with everything going on she was still angry at her. Her anger seemed to be heightened, she was furious with the person responsible for hitting her brother. She wasn't able to think straight at the moment as she shook her head and buried herself within her mother's arms once again. Maria sighed and looked desperately Julio, who only nodded as he got up and made his way over to the small diva.

"Rach?" He asked softly, kneeling down in front of her. She looked up at him, her huge brown eyes filled to the brim with tears.

"Hey, why don't you join us over there? We're a family and we need to stick together right now," He told her placing a comforting hand on her knee.

"I don't think Santana wants me over there," She said sadly, her voice broken just like her heart.

"She never said that Rach, she's just not herself right now. Come on, you need us right now and we really need you," He said truthfully holding out his hand for her to take. After a moment of hesitation, looking over to Santana as if to almost ask her if it was okay, she took his hand and followed him over the broken family. Santana gave her a brief glance before going back to completely ignoring her. Rachel couldn't hold back anymore as she latched onto Julio and cried into his chest.

After another hour Armando came out to tell them they were taking Tony to surgery and to go up to that waiting room to wait. Another three hours passed before Armando finally came out with news. He took in his family with sad, tired eyes. He sat down in front of them as they all sat up straight listening to him intently, not wanting to miss a single word.

"Tony is in a coma," He said, emotion breaking his voice. Everyone remained quiet knowing this wasn't the end of what he was going to tell them.

"He wasn't wearing a helmet so there is some swelling around his brain. The next twenty-four hours are critical, but there's an extremely good chance he will be fine as long as we can get the swelling to got down," They all felt a bit of relief knowing he had a really good chance at recovering. Santana, however, felt an unexplainable anger towards her girlfriend. If she were being completely honest, she was angry with herself but she couldn't admit that right now so she took out her anger on the most vulnerable and convenient person she could find at the moment.

"This is your fault," She barked dangerously at the smaller girl, who jumped back in her chair at the harsh voice.

"Santana," Maria said in a warning tone, knowing her daughter was about to say something out of fear that she would regret later.

"If you hadn't had me worried about you and arguing with you, I would have remembered to make sure Tony put on his helmet. But no, you had to make me worry and not tell me what those stupid nightmares were about and now my brother is paying for it. You're so selfish taking all the attention for yourself . . . " Santana trailed off on the last word, suddenly realizing what she was doing.

Rachel looked at her, pain written all over her face before it suddenly went behind that mask that went void of all emotion and turned back to Armando, waiting for the rest of the news on Tony.

"Santana Alejandra!" Her mother scowled, she was giving her the most disappointed and disgusted look she had ever given her in her life.

It didn't matter right now because Santana still couldn't admit she did anything wrong. She was still angry even though she knows she just hurt her girlfriend the worst she had ever hurt her before.

"What about his arm? It looked really bad the last time I saw it," She asked, taking a deep breath so that she wouldn't have to run and throw up at the memory of the torn flesh and bare bone. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked over to surprisingly find it was Rachel's hand. Though she wasn't looking at her, the diva was still trying to comfort her. It took a bit of the Latina's anger away. Armando looked at his family sadly, and had to take a moment to collect himself so that he wouldn't break down in front of them.

"It was extremely damaged, I believe the car rolled over it when it fled the scene," He told them and closed his eyes at the chocked sobs that followed. He had to remain calm right now, it was only going to get worse.

"They couldn't save it, they had to amputate it during surgery," The sobs got louder as the family clung to each other. Rachel's emotional dam broke as she collapsed into Julio's arms. Not even realizing Santana had clung on to her other side. Once everyone had a chance to collect themselves, Rachel and Santana awkwardly moved away from each other, unsure were they stood with each other at the moment.

"Normally only a few family member's at a time would be allowed in. But since I work here I managed to pull a few strings and we can all go in to see him now. We can't stay very long, but it will have to do," He explained and they all nodded. The Hispanic family all moved together towards Tony's room, stopping when they realized one member wasn't with them. They looked back to find Rachel, still sitting in the chair, trying desperately to dry her eyes.

"Rachel? Are you coming?" He asked, causing her head to shoot up so fast that if the situation wasn't so serious is would be comical.

"I'm not family," She said, her voice soft and raw from crying.

"Like hell you aren't," Santana said with conviction. She made her way over to her girlfriend and knelt down in front of her. "Baby, despite my outburst earlier, I still love you with all my heart," She said truthfully, hearing Rachel doubt that she was a part of their family breaking her last resolve of anger.

"You have been a part of this family the minute you walked through our front door. Tony loves you, and he would want you to be there with him. Please, baby, I need you there with me. If you can't do it for me right now, please do it for Tony," She pleaded, every word of it true. Rachel nodded, her eyes shut tight as she began walking with the family.

Santana felt a major weight lift from her when Rachel took her hand and held onto it tightly. She leaned down and whispered to her while they made their way to the hospital room.

"I am sorry about earlier, and we will talk about all of this later just please don't forget that I love you," Rachel nodded swallowing thickly before whispering an "I love you too," before letting silence fall between them the rest of the way.

Seeing Tony was the hardest thing any of them had ever done, seeing the young boy's body lie unmoving, hooked up to numerous machines and tubes broke all of their hearts. One tube hooked up to a machine was down his throat, preforming the task of breathing for him. The sight of his bandaged limb, where an empty space lies below his elbow, sent his mother in hysterics. Santana felt the air leave her lungs, Julio remained unmoving and tense, while Rachel turned away with tears in her eyes unable look any longer.

They each take turns going up to him, speaking to him a soft whisper before placing a single kiss on his forehead with a promise to see him later. Armando ushered his older children and Rachel out, Tony needed be left alone to rest now. Maria was given permission to stay by her son's side because he was so young, no one wanted the young boy to wake up in a hospital room alone with his arm missing. After making sure they would be okay, Armando let them leave the hospital. Julio had no choice but to go back up to school to make the necessary arrangements so that he could take some time off to be with his family. Santana and Rachel went back to the Lopez's, so that they would have some privacy to talk out what they needed to.

Rachel was able to get a hold of Tim and let him know everything that was going on, he agreed that she should stay with Santana and that he or Kara would be over to check on them when they got off of work, and if Santana's parents end up staying over night at the hospital she would sleep over their house so that she wasn't alone. After hanging up her phone, she heard Santana let her know that the soup was done heating up. Rachel took a deep breath, she didn't know if she was ready to face Santana yet, but she knew that she couldn't put it off. She collected herself the best she could and entered the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Rachel stared at the soup in front of her, stirring it around but never actually taking a bite. The sight and the smell of food just made her already upset stomach churn more. She was so upset that she physically felt sick. Santana looked up at her girlfriend, taking small bites of her of soup. Her brow furrowed at the sight of the small girl leaving her food untouched.<p>

"Rach, please eat," She frowned when Rachel shook her head. "Please, you know how I feel about you not eating, and I know you haven't eaten anything since lunch. So please," She begged, not needing to add Rachel not eating to her list of worries right now. Rachel didn't look at her, still afraid to look her in the eyes. She was terrified that she would see blame and hate in the dark brown eyes she loves so much.

"I'm afraid that I won't be able to keep it down if I eat," she confessed in a soft voice. Santana's features softened.

"I know baby, I don't feel much like eating either but we have to, we'll be no good to Tony if we don't keep up our strength," She tried, receiving only a nod, but Rachel made no move to actually eat.

"I heated up the vegetable soup, it's light on the stomach. Just eat it slowly and if you feel like you can't finish it, I won't push you," This made Rachel pick up her spoon and slowly begin to eat. Santana gave her a small sad smile before returning to her own bowl.

Once they had finished a little more then half their bowls they retired to the living room where their talk would begin. They sat in complete silence for what seemed like a very long time, Santana noticed for the first time that it was dark and checked the time. It was eight twenty-two p.m. Either Kara or Tim would be over in less then an hour to check on them.

"Rachel, I am so sorry for everything I did and said at the hospital," Santana started, causing Rachel to look up at her quickly, their eyes truly connecting for the first time since this all started. She was surprised to not find and blame or hate in those dark hues, only deep sadness, worry, and guilt.

"I should have never said it was your fault, because it's not. I was just so angry and I convinced myself that I was mad at you, but really I'm mad at myself. He's my little brother, I'm supposed to look after him," She chocked out, wrapping her arms around herself. Rachel instantly wrapped her own arms around the shaking girl, breaking the normally strong girl's resolve as she sobbed into her chest. After about five minutes Santana was able to collect herself and pull away only slightly from Rachel. She couldn't bring herself to leave the girl completely, especially now when they were going to have a talk that could change everything.

"Santana, baby, I know you didn't mean it and I accept your apology. I understand the guilt you feel, I feel it to," She said, reaching a hand up to stop Santana who went to interrupt her. "No, let me finish. We both have to accept that it wasn't either of our faults. Tony is twelve, he is old enough to know he has to wear a helmet. It's also the fault of the person who hit him, if they had stopped to help maybe I would be more forgiving, but they didn't. They left a little boy badly injured in the street and not only did they destroy his prized skateboard, which he really shouldn't have been using either. They also carelessly drove over his arm, changing his life forever. I know it's going to be hard to get rid of the guilt, but if we don't we can't truly be there for Tony and he is really going to need us," Rachel explained, noticing Santana was hanging on her every word, nodding in agreement.

"I also think we need to fix us. If we're fighting with each other, then we're not going to be able be there for him. We're at our best when we're together," Rachel continued and again Santana nodded eagerly in agreement. She wanted nothing more than to fix things between them right now. They were both hurt by each other but they couldn't let that break them, they had been through too much together.

"Alright, well I know even though you said you accept my apology for the way I treated you at the hospital you're still extremely hurt by it," Santana started, placing her hand under Rachel's chin when she started to look away from her. "Hey now, we're working this out. It's okay to be hurt, just please don't hold it in. I want you to be able to talk to me about everything that hurts you, even when it's me," the Latina reassured, Rachel nodded swallowing thickly before answering.

"It did hurt. I didn't think you would ever be capable of accusing me of something like that, and you called me selfish," She started sadly. "I mean I know I am kind of self absorbed . . ."

"No, I'm stopping you right there. You are not selfish or self absorbed, you maybe a diva but aren't we all in a way?" She asked with a playful smile, earning a small one from Rachel when she nudged her lightly. "You are the most compassionate person I know. You help out people who have hurt you and people you don't even know. You set aside your own needs and wants for others. Correct me if I'm wrong babe, but I'm pretty sure that's the exact opposite of selfish and self absorbed," She told her.

"Now I don't understand why you are keeping these nightmares to yourself and I admit I am a little hurt that you went to Artie about it over me, but none of this caused Tony's accident, it would have happened even if we weren't arguing," Rachel nodded, as she held on to the tanned hand tightly.

"You do think I'm selfish for keeping what the nightmares are about from you, don't you?" She asked softly. She felt a bit better about what went on at the hospital, though still slightly hurt she wasn't going to let a moment of weakness words brought on by fear and heartache destroy them. She knew that she could bring it back up in the future with Santana if it starts to bother her. She decided to dive into the topic that she knew would be ten times harder to discuss for both of them.

"No, not at all. I understand that for what ever reason you're scared to tell me about them . . ." She tried to reassure her but Rachel cut her off again.

"It's not just that I'm scared to tell you. I mean I am, but that's not the only reason," Rachel told her. Santana looked at her curiously, not really understanding what she meant.

"Then what's the other reason?" She asked, hoping maybe they were getting somewhere. Rachel closed her eyes and began taking deep breaths, in attempt to ward off a panic attack. When she felt Santana's arms snake around her shoulders, she relaxed.

"I'm trying to protect you," She whispered. Santana's head shot up, her eyes growing wide as her mouth gaped open in shock.

"What do you mean 'protect me'? I should be protecting you from these nightmare, the only way they are hurting me is because they're hurting you," The cheerleader protested, not understanding why she would need protection from nightmares that weren't plaguing her.

"You'll look at me differently, 'Tana, once you know," Rachel told the taller girl, her voice becoming monotone as she put up the mask where emotions couldn't hurt her.

"Hey, don't do that. Don't distance yourself from me, nothing you tell me could ever make me look at you differently," Santana said encouragingly. Rachel laughed and shook her head, as hard as she tried to keep her guard up, she couldn't. She let the mask break and turned to the darker girl. Santana saw it then, a deep pain that she had never seen on the petite girl's face before, it honestly scared her.

"You say that now, but you will. It would be impossible for you not to look at me differently, you have no idea what's going to happen," She scoffed. "You think you are the one who needs to protect me, but it's not true Santana. I need to protect you, this is something I never wanted to touch you in anyway. An evil that I have to live with, not you," She explained slowly, never letting their eye contact break.

"You can't protect me from this Santana, it's never going to go away for me. You don't have to go through it in anyway, so please don't make me tell you. If I tell you, it will change your life forever," She finished, her eyes begging for Santana to understand and drop it. Santana took a deep breath and shook her head.

"You can't tell me what I can and can not deal with Rach. I want to know everything that has happened to you, so that I can comfort you. I don't care if you murdered someone, I will not look at you any differently," She said with such a passion that completely shocked and disgusted her at the same time.

"I did no such thing and never could," She defended herself with a indigent huff, causing Santana to giggle.

"I know that, baby, I just used an extreme example to show you no matter what it is, I am behind you one hundred percent," She told her with a encouraging smile.

"You may think you're protecting me by keeping me in the dark, but it's only hurting me more. Knowing there's something that's caused you so much pain hurts me because I can't do anything about it because I don't know what it is," She said sadly.

"You couldn't do anything even if you knew," Rachel said, her shoulders sagging in defeat.

"You don't know that, maybe there is. Why don't you start by telling what you told Artie?" She said, urging her to try to start somewhere.

So Rachel did, she told her everything she told Artie, from figuring out the night terrors, realizing when they started and when they usually occur, to how to she has been recently been finding solace in sleeping on Artie's floor after a night terror. Santana remained silent the whole time, finding herself less jealous about her telling Artie over her now that she actually knew what she knew. She wasn't even angry about her sleeping in Artie's room, she surprised even herself when she realized she wasn't jealous but relieved Rachel had found someone to turn to when she couldn't be there. But Santana did start to feel her throat go dry, something about how the night terrors happened when they tried something new stuck with her.

She was about to ask the question she was terrified to ask when the doorbell rang. She answered it to find both Tim and Kara at the door. She looked at the time on her phone, it read ten o'clock, she hadn't even realized they'd been talking that long. She looked up at them with a raised eyebrow, but nodded when they mentioned that they stopped by the hospital to visit Tony and check up on her parents. Santana packed an overnight bag and soon found herself at the Abrams' house. Artie said if she needed anything to just ask him and it was about time she took him up on his offer. Now that Rachel had finally opened up to her, she wasn't letting it go. She'd get to the bottom of this before the night was over.

* * *

><p>Santana felt herself take a deep breath and look up to Rachel, preparing herself to ask this question once they were safely in Rachel's room.<p>

"Rae-Rae did he . . . I mean did he ever, you know . . . touch you?" She stuttered, trying to prepare herself for the answer. She prayed it wasn't true, but part of her knew something was going on, she only hope she could hold it together and not break down.

"No," Rachel whispered and Santana breathed a sigh of relief until Rachel stated her next sentence. "But he did make me do stuff," she whispered. Santana's head shot up, her eyes widen and she became overwhelmed with anger.

"What do you mean made you do stuff?" she asked a little too loudly. Rachel quickly hushed her, afraid the others in the house may have heard.

"Please 'Tana, it's too much right now. We should be focusing on Tony, not what happened to me years ago," She tried to reason, the thought of the young boy lying still in that hospital bed bringing tears to her eyes. Santana paused for a minute, the same image assaulting her mind, but she shook her head and looked at her girlfriend with a defined purpose.

"No, Rachel, you need to get this off your chest. Just because we're talking and trying to deal with this doesn't mean were forgetting about not being there for Tony," She told her encouragingly, Rachel always put others before herself. Yes, Tony needed them, but honestly Rachel could never fully be there for him if she wasn't taking care of herself. Holding this in was making her emotionally distant from everyone, the small diva just didn't want to admit that.

Rachel closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing. Taking slow deep breaths until her violent shaking turned into slight trembling. She licked her dry lips and look at Santana with those pained brown eyes.

"I wasn't completely honest about what my father did when he realized I was gay," She started softly, Santana knew not to interrupt. This was her chance to get everything off her shoulders, so she placed a comforting hand on the girl's back to let her know she was there.

"He showed me videos, porn videos," she said even more quietly, as a blushed graced her cheeks. Santana just squeezed her shoulder, trying to let her know she was still there and she wasn't judging.

"He showed me specific ones, the heterosexual ones were always loving and slow. The man was the hero and the woman a beautiful damsel in distress. They looked like some type of fairytale where the prince saved the princess," she whispered. "The male homosexual ones were the same, but the lesbian videos he showed me were full of name calling and violence. I know that's not how it always is and that it's just an act and a game to some people. I'm not saying it's wrong to like that either," She said quickly, not really knowing what her girlfriend liked in bed. "But at that time and that age I believed that's all it ever could be, because here it was right in front of me, my father was showing me proof," She said, her voice never raising above a whisper.

"How old were you?" Santana asked carefully.

"Thirteen, he showed me different ones a few times a month for years. Anytime I tried to look away from the screen he'd hit me," Santana let a low growl resonate from deep in her throat, how dare this man force his daughter watch sexual videos she wasn't ready to see? Sexual videos that gave her very wrong information about her own sexuality that she was struggling with on top of that. She wanted nothing more but to throw a fit, scream, and then find this man and kill him. She remained seated, never letting her hand leave her trembling girlfriend's back. She knew there was more.

"After a few years had gone by he began thinking the videos weren't enough, so he invited a friend from the bar over," the small girl began slowly, she felt her girlfriend stop breathing behind her and looked quickly to make sure she wasn't going to pass out on her and that she was okay to continue. All she received was a stiff nod to continue and she took a deep breath, she knew this was a bad idea.

"He made me give the man a hand job, the man also fondled my breast during the act," She choked out, finding strength to continue when she felt Santana's arm tighten around her pulling her into her side. She laid her head on the taller girl's shoulder and continued. "I was also forced to give him oral sex, but my father wouldn't let the man go any further then that. He said I needed to learn how to please a man if I was going to be of any use. I knew the guy wanted to go further by just the way he looked at me, but dad forced him out but not before I saw the man pay him. The next day I began showing interest in Finn and he stopped," Santana literally felt sick to her stomach, that sorry excuse for a man prostituted his own daughter. She let go of Rachel feeling herself trembling with rage. She was going to snap, she had to get out of there before she let her anger get the better of her and hurt Rachel again.

"I knew it, you see me differently now. You see me as a slut," Rachel cried out, crumbling to the floor in agony. Santana's anger deflated for now and instantly rushed to the girl's side.

"No, baby, of course I don't. You have nothing to be ashamed of and this is not your fault, you hear me, you are also no where near a slut," She said with conviction, wrapping her arms around her shaking girlfriend.

"But I didn't fight, I just did as I was told, I should have fought," She rambled years, of keeping it bottled up inside her, finally coming out.

"No, sweetie, you did the right thing. They could have killed you, by not fighting back you were protecting yourself the only way you could," She reassured her, rocking her back and forth.

"But I'm not a virgin, I should be a virgin for you. You thought I was pure but I'm not," She chocked out. Santana lifted her chin and smiled at her sadly yet sweetly.

"You're still a virgin sweetheart, he did not break your hymen or enter you at all. Even if you weren't, I wouldn't care. You don't care that I'm not a virgin, now do you?" She asked already knowing the answer.

"No, I don't care," She said smiling just a little.

"But like I said, you are still a virgin. Sweetheart you were still sexually assaulted, you need more help then I can give you. I will do anything I can, but you need to talk to Dr. Cordell, she'll know how to help you," Rachel thought about it for a minute then nodded.

"I want to tell Kara too," She said softly, suddenly having the over whelming need for a mother's comfort right now. Santana nodded, smiling at the progress Rachel had just made.

"Okay, you want to do it now?" She asked and Rachel nodded. But the smaller girl stopped her before she could walk out to find Kara.

"I don't know when it will happen, but I do want to be close to you that way someday," She said, her face turning redder then it ever had before. Santana smiled at her softly and pulled her into a hug.

"I would love to be close to you that way baby girl, but as I said before we will wait for whenever you're one hundred percent ready. I also promise it will be loving and gentle, no name calling, the only dirty talk that will be going on between us will be asking for it harder or telling each what feels good," She whispered to her with a smirk gracing her lips, hoping to lighten the mood a little bit. Just when she thought Rachel couldn't get any redder she did.

"Um . . . That sounds . . . Nice," Rachel said swallowing thickly, her throat suddenly dry. Despite everything she just told her, she still had that effect on her. Rachel guessed that it was a good sign that she wasn't sexually damaged, which was something she was afraid of. Santana laughed and kissed her forehead.

"I love you baby, I'll be right back with Kara," She said, the mood suddenly going solemn again as Rachel nodded and returned the I love you.

Telling Kara was just as hard as telling Santana, if not harder because she may trust Kara but not as much as she did Santana. Kara cried and held her daughter close, mouthing thank you to Santana for getting her to open up. She promised to set up an appointment with Jill as soon as possible to talk about this and Tony's accident. She knew Rachel needed to talk about that to and waiting for her normal scheduled appointment just wouldn't do. Rachel felt a weight lift off her when she told Santana and Kara. She thought more would have been added to the weight if she told, that they would judge her and possibly hate her, but it was the exact opposite and having this support meant the world to Rachel. She still hated that she dragged them in to this part of her abuse, but they lived through it and didn't seem to change besides becoming angrier with her father and now this unnamed man. Santana was even able to make sexual jokes with her afterwards instead of treating her like she was glass and would break at the mention of sex. She couldn't be a luckier girl. She sighed and curled into the warmth of Santana's already sleeping form. Now all they needed was for Tony to wake up and be okay, then they could adjust, move on and be a family again.

* * *

><p>Santana stirred, her arms wrapping tighter around the sleeping form curled into her body. She smiled realizing Rachel had slept through the night without a single night terror. She kept the warm body as close to her as humanly possible, everything from yesterday started to hit her all at once. Tears streamed down her cheeks as sobs began to rack her body. Fighting with Rachel, her little brother getting hit by a car being in a coma and losing his arm, and finding out about how Rachel's father manipulated his daughter into believing a lesbian relationship was unlovable by forcing her to watch porn and then prostituting her. It all just seemed like to much to handle, She was suppose to be the strong one, but right now she felt anything but strong.<p>

Rachel was roused from her peaceful sleep, feeling the shaking form holding her and hearing the heartbreaking sobs. She looked up to see a sight she never wanted to see again, her girlfriend completely broken.

"Hey, baby what's wrong? Talk to me sweetheart," She whispered sweetly, running her fingers through raven locks, trying to calm the distraught girl. Santana sniffled and looked up at her girlfriend through teary eyes.

"I'm sorry I woke you," She whispered leaning into the hand and caressing her hair.

"Don't worry about that. I want you to wake me whenever you're upset. Now what's wrong?" She asked again patiently, already having a pretty good idea of what was bothering her.

"Everything just hit me at once I guess. Everything with you and Tony, I guess I just needed to let it out," Santana said her tears still freely flowing but her sobs had stopped.

"Oh sweetie, I am so sorry," Rachel began but was cut off by Santana placing a finger to her lips.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. Do you understand me?" She asked, her eyes blazed with passion. Rachel nodded mutely.

"I'm just really worried right now. What if Tony doesn't wake up and if he does what if he can't adjust his arm being gone?" She asked pitifully, realizing if her brother does wake up he will probably never be the same.

"He will wake up, you heard your father yesterday, he has a extremely good chance if he survives the next twenty-four hours," Rachel told her calmly, trying to hide her own fear for Tony. She looked at the clock and saw it read seven-twenty A.M. "He's already made it through about eleven hours, he's so strong and stubborn just like his big sister so I know he can make it through the next thirteen," She told her confidently, not letting her voice quaver. Santana looked at her with a thankful smile.

"What if he can't adjust to his arm being gone?" she asked, her voice a little stronger then before.

"It may be hard at first for him to accept it, but he will adjust. If I know Tony, he will probably think it's cool to have a robotic arm," She said with a smile, remembering hearing Maria and Armando start talking about different prosthetic for Tony, while they were each having their private moment with the little boy last night before they left. Santana laughed, neither of them acknowledging the home phone ringing from downstairs, knowing Tim would be downstairs already most likely getting ready for work.

"You're probably right, but it still might take time for him to get used to it. If that's the case we'll be there for him, right?" She asked almost shyly. Rachel nodded.

"Of course we will," She assured, leaning in and kissing her on the lips gently. They pulled apart as they heard a knock on the door frame. They turned around to find Tim standing there, the phone being held to his ear with his shoulder as he tried to fix his tie.

"San, Rach, it's Dr. Lopez on the phone. Hurry up and get dressed I'm dropping you guys off at the hospital on my way to work," He told them quickly before disappearing. Both girls looked at each other with the same terror in both their eyes, as their stomach's dropped with dread.


	20. Chapter 20

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 20

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Please note this chapter is unbetaed, I have been informed my beta can no longer help me because of time constraints. I want to thank kitaleigh for being so amazing it was wonderful working with you. So I need a new beta, if anyone is interested please PM me. Thank you all for being so amazing, all your reviews and feedback are so appreciated.

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><p>Santana and Rachel rushed into Tony's hospital room, a chocked sob broke out of Santana as she rushed to her brother's bedside. Rachel hung back tears streaming down her cheeks. Tony look at at his sister and Rachel with concerned eyes, then to his parent's who were just smiling at the scene before them. Tony desperately wanted to speak and ask what was wrong but the tube in his throat prevented him from doing so. So he looked up at his father and raised his right hand to the vent, asking silently with his eyes.<p>

"When your doctor gets here buddy he'll take it out," Armando reassured, laughing when Tony rolled his eyes. Seriously his father was a doctor at this hospital, why couldn't he just do it himself?

Santana never took her eyes aware from her brother's alert dark brown eyes, remembering just yesterday that they couldn't open on their own. The young boy reached over with his right hand and wiped away his sisters tears. He already knew he no longer had his left arm, both girls were thankful that they missed that conversation. They wanted to be there for him of course, they just knew they wouldn't have been able handle explaining what had happened to him.

"Hey brat, don't ever scare me like that again okay?" She asked with a smile as he nodded. He looked behind her at Rachel and waved her forward, which she willingly did.

"Hey Tony," She greeted with a gravely voice, just overjoyed by seeing his bright eyes. "How are you feeling?" She asked, he lifted his hand and shook it as if to say fifty/fifty.

A little while later, Tony's doctor came in to check him over and pull the tube out. After he throat stared to feel a little better, he looked back over to his sister and Rachel.

"Thank you guys for helping me and getting me here," He croaked his voice raw and sore from the tube.

"You're welcome," Rachel replied smiling at the young boy.

"Tony, I know I don't say this often but, I love you. You're my little brother and I don't know what I would do if I lost you. I am so sorry I wasn't watching out for you more closely yesterday," Santana chocked out hanging her head in shame. Tony gave her a perplexed look.

"But it wasn't your fault," He told her confused by the apology that didn't need to be given.

"I'm your big sister I should have been looking out for you better," She argued.

"I'm twelve, I don't need you around all the time. It was a freak accident nothing more," He assured her. "You didn't run me over San, someone else did. I don't blame you," Santana bite her lip and nodded. Quite a bit of the guilt she felt was lifted from her shoulders when she heard from Tony himself that she didn't blame her. They all looked over and smiled when they realized Tony had fallen back to sleep. Armando led the two girls out into the hall.

"How did he take losing his arm?" Santana asked, getting straight to the point. Tony had woken up around five that morning, the Lopez's wait till a reasonable time to call them knowing both girls need their sleep. They also called Julio who had to stay the night at his dorm, but would be back down here this afternoon.

"He cried for about an hour, then he became his optimistic self and said at least it wasn't his writing arm. Then when we told him, he would be getting a mechanical arm he started going off about all these facts about how awesome robots are. So he's taking it pretty well right now, but I think when he has to start adjusting to the arm he have a little bit of a hard time with it. But he's a tough kid, he'll get through this," He told them with an encouraging smile, letting them know he knew though it might be tough for a while everything will be alright.

"What about brain damage?" Rachel asked still thinking about the blood pouring from his head and the helmet lying on the sidewalk completely forgotten.

"Everything checks out fine, no brain damage. But we will continue to monitor his progress while he's here just to be sure and for a while after he leaves," Armando explained. Both girls let out a long sigh of relief. Tony was going to be okay.

They spent the rest of the day with Tony, playing different board games and card games to pass the time. Rachel called the three boys who were with Tony yesterday to give them the news. All three were overjoyed to hear from her, and ask her to call when they could visit. Julio arrived around noon, and the boys had a private brother to brother talk while the girls went to get lunch as Maria and Armando finally allowed themselves to get some sleep.

Santana smiled when she realized Rachel was eating better today, though still slower then normal at least she wasn't just pushing it around like she tried to do yesterday. Even if it was gross food from the hospital cafeteria.

"Are you okay San?" Rachel asked after a long moment of silence passed between them.

"Of course I am. Why do you ask?" She said cocking her head to the side in a way Rachel found simply adorable.

"Just making sure, a lot has happened. This is your family and this morning you were really upset, I know just because Tony's awake doesn't make those fears go away," She explain reaching over and intertwining their fingers.

"I won't lie and say I'm not still upset and worried. But honestly I am okay, I know we're going to make it through this and hearing Tony say he doesn't blame me has really helped," She told her with a loving smile.

"Okay, but you will talk to me if your not. Right?" Rachel asked uncertainly, she wasn't even really sure she should be asking that. Considering she wasn't willing to talk to Santana about the night terror's for so long.

"Of course I will. Are you okay? As I said before, you are apart of this family, this is hard for you as well," She said gently, squeezing the smaller hand within her own.

"I'm alright. A little shaken up still, but seeing him awake and knowing there's no brain damage has me really relieved," She said biting her lip, feeling tear begin to well up. These were tears of both pain and relief.

She was so grateful Tony was alive and had no brain damage but the pain he was going through and the fact this has change his life forever because he no longer has his left arm kills both of them inside. Santana reached over and dried the small girls tears, Rachel mimicked her girlfriends actions, wiping the tears off the darker girl's face with the pad of her thumb.

"We'll get through this," Santana whispered, meaning the whole Lopez family including Rachel and even the Abrams'. Rachel nodded and they smiled at each other.

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><p>Santana spent most of her time at the hospital with Tony, Rachel was there most of the time as well. But sometimes Kara and Tim would require her to stay home to do her homework or just rest. She also had to attend her counseling sessions with Dr. Cordell. Jill didn't seem to outwardly surprised by the knew information Rachel had provided them with and quickly started to work through the mess with the small diva. They also worked on ways to deal with Tony's accident. Rachel finally had a safe place to vent about everything that had happened that day. From arguing with Santana to feeling fear and anger at seeing the forgotten helmet on the sidewalk to the guilt she felt about the accident. To be able to get all that off her chest without the fear of upsetting the person she was ranting to was a huge relief.<p>

Tony was adjusting fairly well to his knew arm, he had his first real break down on his first night back from the hospital. He had asked Rachel to sleep over, because he said it would make him feel better if his whole family was home with him on his first night back. So the Lopez siblings plus Rachel where sitting in the living room watching Tony's favorite movie while Maria cooked dinner and Armando stayed in his study to look over some paper work. Maria came in and asked Santana to set the table. The teenager groaned, not wanting to give up the warm feeling of her girlfriends back nestled up to her front as she sat snugly between her legs. Before Rachel could move Tony stopped her and said he would do it. No one tried to protest, because the could tell by the look in his eyes he wanted to help and in a way needed to so that things would feel normal again.

He carefully carried the plates to the table, setting them in their proper place with no problems. Encouraged by the success, he eagerly started placing the glasses. He tried to carry three at a time, his new hand not use to the extra activity lost its grip and two of the glasses went crashing to the floor. He stood there in silence as the others in the house came running at the sound checking him over for any injuries. Tears silently fell down his cheeks as he just walked away from the mess, up to his room. They all cringed when they heard his door slam shut.

Santana went to follow him, but Rachel stopped and asked if she could try. Maria smiled and nodded, Santana watched her girlfriends disappearing back worriedly. Both Rachel and Tony were so fragile right now, was it really a good idea to use them to comfort one another. But then again maybe it was the the most ingenious idea. Rachel knocked on the young boys door and heard a muffled response that she took as an okay to enter. She found Tony lying on his stomach, face down into the pillow. His prosthetic arm was pulled off and thrown carelessly on the floor. Rachel inspected it quickly and thankfully found nothing wrong with it.

"Tony, do you want to talk?" She asked, the young Latino looking up at her with surprised eyes. Rachel was the last person she expected to come to try to talk to him.

"Not really," He said sniffling, placing his face back in the pillow miserably. Rachel sat down on the edge of his bed silently and placed a comforting hand on his back, rubbing it in smile circles.

"I understand, there's stuff that's just to hard for me to talk about as well," She told him. He looked back up at her with curious eyes.

"Really? I thought you told San everything?" He asked confused, he didn't think the two of them kept anything from each other.

"I tell her a lot, but some stuff is to painful to talk about. Like certain things that happened with my dad," She explained carefully. Gaining his full attention now, no one really told him much about the abuse, just that Rachel's father hit her a lot and treated her terribly. He twisted his body so that he was turned towards her, his tear filled eyes focusing completely on her.

"I've been having nightmares about something really painful, something I didn't think I could ever talk to anyone about because I thought I had to be strong," She explained, being careful not to go into detail about what the nightmares were. Even if she was willing to talk about this with Tony, he was a little to young for that conversation. Maybe he was mature enough that she could explain the beatings in vague detail so he could have a minor understand but she couldn't tell him that. He was still way to innocent.

"So you still haven't talk about it?" He asked wondering where this was going.

"Nope, I finally opened up to Santana and Kara about it and I've talked it out a few times with my therapist. I thought I didn't need to talk about it but I really did, sometimes it just takes time to come out," She told him with a sad smile. He nodded that he understood.

"Did the nightmares stop?" He asked hopefully.

"No," She answered truthfully. "But their a lot less often and less powerful because I took that power away," She explained after seeing his face fall, mentally cheering when she saw it perk up again slightly.

"You want me to talk, don't you?" He asked figuring it out.

"No sweetie, I only want you to talk when you're ready to," She told him, laughing when he cringed at the term of endearment, believing he was to old for such a frase. "I just want you to understand, that talking does help. It took me a long time to understand that, and I'm still struggling with it. I don't want you to go through more pain then you need to. Just know that I'm here for you and so is your entire family," She told him with a smile moving to leave him be. But turned around with a raised eyebrow when he called her back.

"I want to talk," He said, and she nodded mutely waiting for him to continue.

"I thought I was okay with it, but it's so hard to do simple tasks that I could easily do before. It's so frustrating," He confessed with a groan.

"I can only imagine how hard it is. But you will get use to it, you will learn how to use your new arm and will probably be better at these task then any of us because now you're part robot," She said nudging him playfully making him smile.

"It is pretty cool to have a robot arm," He confessed smiling, letting Rachel help him place it back on after she retrieved it from the floor.

"Is that what you did? Got use to it?" He asked innocently, Rachel tensed understanding what he was asking.

"Some of it, I'm still adjusting to certain things. But I'm getting there just like you are," She told him with a tight smile that he really didn't catch.

"What are you still adjusting to?" damn this boy was to curious for his own good. "Look I understand it's not easy to talk about and everyone is dancing around the subject with me because I'm the youngest. But I'm twelve not eight," He explained seeing her hesitation, crossing his arms over his chest with a huff. He was tired of everyone treating him like a baby and now they were even treating him like he was made of glass. He didn't need it from Rachel to, she should understand.

"I know, and it actually doesn't have anything to do with your age. Not many people know the details. Santana knows the most along with my therapist, your dad knows a lot because he's my doctor. Kara and Tim know because their my foster parents and right now the only parents I have," She explained slowly so that he understood. That it honestly had nothing to do with his age, she just didn't want everyone knowing.

"No one is telling you the details because I have not given them permission to. Julio doesn't know a lot either, just what he saw that night he and San saved me," Tony nodded feeling better that no one was telling his older brother anything really either.

"But because you're being upfront with me, it's only fair I am with you," the young skaters head shot up, shaking his head telling her it isn't necessary.

"Don't worry I'm not telling you anything I'm uncomfortable with. I'm simply going to answer your question," She explained, he nodded feeling better knowing he wasn't putting her in an uncomfortable position.

"I'm still getting use to people caring about me," She said in a strained whisper, she hadn't told anyone this. Tony looked at her questionably. She knew he couldn't imagine not having people care about you, he's been loved his whole life.

"When my daddy died, everything changed. My dad didn't really want me, I had no friend and was even bullied at school. My dad started to hit me and hurt me emotionally as well. For five years I lived with no one to care for me but myself. Now all of the sudden I have all these people caring for me and even loving me. Do you understand?" She asked hoping she didn't overwhelm him. He simply nodded and launched himself at her, grasping her in a giant hug. She smiled and hugged back tears of happiness streaming down her face.

"I love you," He said when he pulled back. "You might as well already be my sister-in-law. I had a crush on you at first," He admitted with a blush. Rachel smiled at his adorableness. "But now I know you and San are in love, and I'm so happy to call you apart of my family."

"Thank you," She whispered. "I love you too."

"Let's make a deal. Anytime you're feeling overwhelmed by everyone caring for you come to me and we'll play video games or something until you're not so overwhelmed by all the attention, and when I'm feeling overwhelmed by my arm and I can't talk about it, I'll go to you and we can do something to take my mind of that until I'm ready to talk," He proposed eagerly. Rachel nodded thoughtfully.

"That sounds like an excellent deal. But you have to promise me one thing, that you'll talk to you're parents as well," She smiled when he nodded and they did the secret handshake that he showed her. I handshake to seal promised that are not to be broken.

"Let's go downstairs and eat," She suggested and he was up and out the door in seconds at the mention of food. So set on his goal that he didn't notice her older sister standing outside his door listen to every word being said. But her girlfriend sure noticed.

"You know it's not polite to eavesdrop," She said coyly, a smile playing at her lips. Santana laughed at her girlfriends failed attempt to sound stern.

"I was just worried, about both of you," She confessed wrapping her arms around the petite girl. Rachel shook her head at her girlfriends paranoia.

"Are you still?"

"No, you handled that perfectly," She smiled at her proudly.

"We understand each other," She said softly. Santana raise her eyebrow in confusion.

"Our situation are nowhere near the same. But the frustration and the overwhelming feeling is the same. I understand how he's feeling now right," She explained and Santana smiled

"I want you to keep that promise to Tony, and I also promise that if I find you two alone playing some of those ridiculous games of his, I will leave you guys alone, no questions asked," Rachel smiled up at the Latina and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips to show her thanks.

"Let's not mention that sister-in-law thing to either of our parent yet okay," Santana causing Rachel to laugh before they walked downstairs to joined the rest of the Lopez's downstairs for dinner.

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><p>"Hey baby," Rachel greeted Santana with a smile leaning on the locker next to her girlfriends. Santana looked over at her and smiled back.<p>

"Hey yourself beautiful," She greeted back, giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"How's Tony?" She asked as she continued to watch the cheerleader perfect her makeup, instead of gathering her books, like she should be doing.

"Honestly you probably know that answer better then me," She told her, smiling so that she knew she didn't hold any resentment towards the bond that had formed between the two.

"He seems to be doing well, right?" She asked hoping that her assessment was shared.

"He sure is, thanks to you mi estrella," She said warmly wrapping her arms around the petite girl. They suddenly felt another pair of arms wrapped around them, excited squealing breaking them out of their little world.

"Yay, you guys are back to being happy together," Brittany said after pulling away jumping up and down while clapping in excitement.

"And being being disgustingly sweet with each other as ever," Quinn added, standing there with a smug look on her face. Her hand intertwined with Rory's, who was just standing there beside her with a shy smile. Honestly Santana scared him, what he didn't know was that it was Rachel that he had to watch out for. As her eyes narrowed at the joined hands, shooting the boy a warning look that was missed because he was to busy shuffling nervously and trying to avoid eye contact with Santana.

"You and leprechaun boy aren't that far behind Quinnie," Santana said with a smug smile, never letting go of the smaller girls waist. "Only difference is I can still be badass while being an awesome girlfriend," She smirked causing the head cheerleader to roll her eyes at her friend.

"I don't need to act all badass, I'm perfectly fine with being HBIC," She smirked back.

"When did this happen?" Rachel asked gesturing to Quinn and the Irish boy, completely confused on how she missed this relationship happening. She and Quinn had talked about it but the last she knew they were still getting to know each other.

"While you were off being an emotional basket case. Welcome back by the way" Quinn said tapping the girls noses playfully. She was so happy to have her best friend back.

"Told you everyone could notice something was wrong, and that you were pulling away from everyone but Artie," Santana said smirking with the knowledge that she was right. Rachel huffed indignantly.

"Alright I get it, I promise from now I will try not to get so into my head that I pull away from any of you," the tiny diva promised, rolling her eyes good naturally at the group. Even though they all knew it was serious, they still weren't trying to make a big deal out of it for Rachel's sake.

"That's all we ask baby," She said kissing head. Rachel looked up to see Rory smiling at them. She fixed him with a hard look. He was genuinely a sweet guy, but he was about to learn if he messed with Quinn's heart, then Santana was going to be the least of his problems.

"You and me are over due with a little chat young man, don't you think?" Rachel asked a little to sweetly. Santana and Brittany laughed, Quinn sighed but smiled fondly at her best friends over protectiveness. Rory just looked confused, he knew Rachel to be nothing but sweet and somewhat unstable with her emotions. He didn't know what to expect out of this "little chat."

"Don't upset her Leprechaun, or you and me will be having words of our own again," Santana warned before giving Rachel a quick kiss on the cheek with a promise to see her in homeroom, before disappearing down the hall with Brittany.

"Please Rach go easy on him, S already has him terrified," Quinn pleaded and after receiving a genuine nod, Quinn left for her own homeroom.

"So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" He asked swallowing thickly, he had a good idea of what this was about. He just didn't know what to expect from the sweet diva.

"I'm going to make this simple for you Rory. Quinn is an amazing girl," She started, smiling when he nodded vigorously agreeing with her. She could tell he wasn't doing this out of fear, but genuinely agreeing with her. This made her relax a little, knowing that he honestly thought the world of Quinn.

"Now I can see that you like her very much," again he nodded eagerly. "But this is your one and only warning, if you hurt her lets just say Santana's razors will be the least of your worries," she threatened. The boy gulping in response nodding that he understood. He believed her more than he believed Santana, not because of the verbal threat but because of the scary hardened look in her eyes, that basically told him that if he messes with anyone she cares about than he might as well wish for death because she will never grant it, as she continuously tortured him until nature took its course.

"Glade we understand each other," She said sweetly, holding out her hand for him to shake which he did hesitantly. "Have a nice day Rory," and just like that she was disappearing down the hall to her homeroom leaving him trembling in the hallways alone.

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"Rach," Quinn exclaimed plopping herself down next to said girl at their lunch table with an exaggerated pout. Rachel raised her eyebrow to the blonde girl in question.

"You said you would take it easy on him. He's seriously considering going back to Ireland because of you little talk," Quinn told her crossing her arms over her chest and huffing. Rachel actually laughed, which did little to ease Quinn frustrated move.

"Calm down Quinn, he's not going back to Ireland. I merely informed him that if he messed with your heart that Santana would be the least of his worries," Rachel told her nonchalantly.

"Rachel!" Quinn yelled in grievance.

"You want to try that tone again Q," Santana said, sitting down on the other side of her girlfriend draping her arm around her, raising a challenging eyebrow at the head cheerleader. Though Santana eyebrow raising skills were outstanding they were no match for the HBIC skills.

"You both need to leave Rory alone, you got your points across now leave the boy be," She said with a tone that just dared them to challenge her.

"I wasn't planning on doing anything more, as long as he treats you right I will be nothing but nice to him from now on," Rachel told her friend with genuine truthfulness.

"Yea tots Q, we got our point across. As long as Leprechaun doesn't give me a reason to ends him, we have no problems," Santana said with the same truthfulness though her approach was more abrasive. Quinn nodded accepting her friends promises.

Rory set up to the table and hovered hesitantly with his tray. Looking to Rachel and Santana almost as if to ask for permission. Santana straight out laughed at the boys uncomfortableness, while Rachel just smiled sweetly at him. This time he noticed it had back it genuine softness.

"Just sit down Leprechaun, we only attack when provoked promise," Santana said raising her hand as if she was giving a scouts honor pledge.

He sat down slowly, as if one wrong move would send both girls flying at him ready to tear him apart limb for limb. When both girls remained un-tense and calm he dared to reach out and take Quinn's hand. He noticed Rachel smiling at him and Santana giving him that knowing smirk. He relaxed and let himself enjoy their company as the rest of the gleeks began to join them.

"Puck, if you don't stop fucking poking me and stealing my food I'm going to ends you," Santana yelled in frustration. Puck had been tapping her on her shoulder and sneakily taking a bit of her food when she looked over her shoulder. He got away with this three times before she caught on, and now he was on the other end of a very pissed off Santana.

"Chill it was only a joke," he defended himself weakly, honestly scared of this girl though he didn't want to show it because that would take away from him being a badass. Santana smirked evilly, he gulped which caused her to smirk to only grow.

"Do it again, and you will find yourself hanging from the flag post by your balls," She growled low and dangerous as if she was a attack dog ready to pounce at any moment. Most of the boys at the table shifted uncomfortably. Rory looked as though he was going to be sick.

"Jesus, Rachel you need to take this girl and relieve her of some stress before she goes on a murderous rampage. I believe the janitors closet is open," He smirk wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Santana growled again and would have jumped the boy right there and then for that comment, if it wasn't for the girl beside her who had suddenly gone pale and seemed to had stopped breathing.

"Puckerman stop being an ass," Quinn yelled at her ex, worry took over her features when she noticed how close to panic the small diva was.

"Rae-Rae, it's okay. No one expects you to do anything. Puck's being an idiot, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I already told you nothing has to happen until you're ready," She reassured her girlfriend, whose first slowly unclenched and started to breathe again slowly.

"Holy hell, you mean to tell me you two haven't done it yet! Seriously Lopez what are you waiting for, Jew babe is hot I would be all up on that by now," Puck exclaimed, he wasn't able to understand why they would wait when they were both so hot together. In his mind there was no reason he could think of to wait to have sex.

"Shut the fuck up Puckerman! You seriously don't know shit, and you didn't get very far when you dated her either. She's not ready and I won't force her or pressure her into something she's not ready for. That's the end of this discussion," Santana snapped at the Jewish boy. Who held up her hand in surrender.

"Baby?" She called gently, placing a hand on a flushed cheek so that she could look into embarrassed and fearful eyes. "Want to go finish lunch in the choir room. It will be like old times, just you, me, Q, and B," She promised looking to her best friends who nodded willing to do anything to help. Rachel nodded and the four girls got up taking their lunches with them. Brittany kissed Artie on the cheek already knowing he would understand that his sister need her right now. Quinn looked at Rory biting her lip in worry. He just smiled at her and kissed her cheek and told her to go take good care of her best friend.

Rachel wouldn't talk about what Puck had said, even within the safety of the choir room walls. She ate the rest of her lunch silently as Santana filled the two blondes in on Tony's progress. All the while three pairs of eyes kept a careful eye on the petite singer. The biggest problem that they noticed that they were all worried about was that now Rachel seemed to flinch away from any touch, the same way she did when they were first becoming friends with her. Clearly Puck comment was affecting her more then she wanted to let on. But Santana decided to let the girl have space to breathe for now, she would ask her more about it after glee.

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><p>Rachel avoided Puck the most through out the day. Which honestly confused the Jewish boy. Sure he realized his comment was rude and untasteful, but that was a comment that most expected from him. He didn't mean to upset Rachel in anyway or offend her, and he couldn't for the life of him grasp why she was upset or offended, or why she would want to wait. He's slept with Santana and the girl was talented, also they were both super hot together.<p>

In glee Rachel tucked herself into Santana's side and avoided eye contact with anyone. This is what she had been afraid of. Puck had made crude comments before, but they never effected her like this before. She didn't know if it was because Puck is a man and a man had assaulted her or because he suggested that it was wrong for them not to be doing it that made her want to shut down. She was embarrassed and ashamed. She honestly doesn't know what she was ashamed of. Whether it be because she doesn't want anyone to know what she's been through or because she felt like to be normal she should be able to have sex without hesitation. Though she knew that wasn't true, most everyone had some hesitation and concerns their first time, it wasn't a decision to be treated lightly. She just felt like she should be able give her girlfriend something without having a panic attack in the process.

Finn walked in and slowly made his way over to the couple, smiling sheepishly at them. Santana barely suppressed her groan, they so didn't need this today.

"Hey Rach, can we talk privately?" He asked giving her that boyish grin, while rubbing the back of his neck. His signature move for when he was either nervous or up to something.

"Anything you gots to say to my girl Frankenteen, you can say in front of me," Santana growled out threateningly. Just daring the boy to challenge her. With everything going on, between Tony and Rachel she needed a distraction to vent her frustration on.

"Rachel should be able to make up her own mind don't you think?" Finn took the challenge, Puck and Mike to move closer to them, ready to hold back Finn and Santana if necessary. Santana raised an eyebrow at him, boy was getting brave, to brave for his own good. He's going to end up in traction for the rest of the school year if he doesn't put himself back in check.

Rachel poked her head out from it's spot buried in Santana neck and looked at the tall boy with tired eyes.

"Now is not a really good time Finn. If you would like to talk another time then I would be more then happy to, but could you please just leave it for now?" She asked politely not having the strength to deal with whatever plan he came up with this time to try to win her back.

"Please Rach, please I need to apologize to you and I can't do it in front of everyone. It's to personal," He told her quietly. Rachel's eyes softened, she could hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Alright," Rachel sighed. "We have a few minutes before glee, we can talk outside," She agreed, pulling away from Santana warm inviting body, her own body protesting and begging to stay. Santana made a noise that showed her displeasure but made no move to stop it. If Rachel wanted to do this then she was going to let her, but that didn't stop her from fixing him with a warning glare and hovering right by the door so that she could listen in just in case something went wrong.

"Alright Finn, we're alone. What is it that you need to say?" She asked, giving him an encouraging smile when he once again started to rub the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, I just wanted to say sorry for everything. The way I've treated you recently and in the past," Finn started. "I was really stupid to go along with Lexi when I knew she was out to hurt you and I never stood up for you when we were together, you didn't deserve that," Rachel smiled at him, she never thought she would hear the football player own up to his faults.

"Thank you Finn, you can't imagine how much that mean to me to hear you say that. I would also like to apologize for my faults when we were in a relationship," Rachel apologized back. She knew she had made her own fair share of my mistakes.

Namely when she went to Puck when she was hurt by his and Santana's one night stand. Though it wasn't for the reason he would like to believe. She admitted it was stupid and childish, even though she honestly didn't seek him out or intend for anything to happen. She extremely grateful that Noah had stopped her before they did something they both would have regretted.

"Yeah, you did do quite a bit," He said with a laugh. Rachel had to bite her tongue, he couldn't just say thank you and move on. He had to make it seem she was still more at fault then him. She took a calming breath and let it go.

"I want to make things better between us," He said putting on his charming boy next door smile. Rachel knew this wasn't going to lead anywhere good. "Let me take you out to dinner, and we can't talk things over and fix us," He proposed hopefully.

"Finn," Rachel sighed, she ran her fingers through her hair. This is what she was afraid of, he still thought there was a chance of them getting back together.

"I don't think that's a good idea," She said, his face fell and confusion took over his face. Not understanding why he was being rejected, after all he was the quarterback. "I want to be friends, but the only way I'm going to dinner with you right now is if Santana is with us and you still need to apologize to her before that will happen," She explained, his face immediately became red with anger.

"Why do we need her there, this is about you and me," He said aggressively, he advanced forward causing the little diva to take a step back from the large boy.

"Because she's my girlfriend, and because of our history I wouldn't feel comfortable having dinner with you without her. Not until our friendship is repaired and you understand there is no chance of a romantic relationship between us anymore," She explained honestly. He had that confused look that was natural for him on his face for a few seconds before he finally understood what she was saying, and his fury returned.

"Why not, I apologized. I promise things will be different this time. We can be happy together," He argued. Rachel pinched the bridge of her nose, and closed her eyes tightly before reopening them.

"Finn, I can't ever truly be happy with you," She tried to explain again, she was trying to remain patient with the slow boy, but seriously she had explained this to him already many times.

"But we were at one point, we can get that back," He pleaded desperately with her.

"I wasn't really happy Finn. I tried to convince myself I was, but I'm not attracted to boys that way, I'm attracted to girls and I'm in love with Santana," She told him, she wished she could just wave a wand and magically make him understand what she was trying to tell him. Unfortunately she didn't have that type of power.

"You're just confused Rach, she's brainwashed you. I know you love me."

"I do love you Finn," She confessed and Finn began to grin, but she stopped him before he could say anything. "But I'm not in love with you," His face fell again.

"You were the first person to be nice to me after my daddy died. You were the first friend I ever had in my life. I will always have a special place you in my heart Finn, just not the special place that you're hoping for," She said placing a gentle hand on his arm.

"But I could, if we work on it," He continued to persist. Rachel rubbed her temples and tried to soothe the headache that had started to form.

"No, you can't. Santana has that special place in my heart Finn and nobody can change that," She said sternly, his eyes filled with fury once more.

"You're just going to end up with a broken heart. She's just using you, she'll take you V card and then leave. You want to know how I know that, because she did that to me. All she is, is a slut," He yelled, which caused Rachel to take a step back.

Santana, Quinn, Brittany and Puck all rushed out of the choir room the minute they heard screaming. Before any of them could do anything about what Finn had said, Tina slipped by them and slapped Finn across the face. Which caused the large boy to stumble back in shock and Rachel to back up into Quinn in fear at the all to familiar sound. Quinn wrapped her arms around her best friend in a comforting manner, as she calmed herself down and regained control over her emotions with the technique's Dr. Cordell had given her.

"Way to go goth ninja, I knew I always liked you for a reason," Puck said while smiling, the Asian girl blushed and went to Mike's side who had decided to join them when Tina ran out of the choir room. This was the second person her slapped in Rachel defense.

Santana was seething and was about to unleash Snix upon the giant who made her princess cry and insulted her. When Rachel pulled herself together and fixed her ex-boyfriend with a cold hard glare. She removed herself from Quinn and stood toe to toe with the boy. Puck and Mike moved to stand behind her just in case.

"You listen here Finn Hudson, I will not tolerate you calling my girlfriend any vulgar name ever again. I also happen to know you are the one who blew her off after you slept together. Do you know how awful you made her feel about herself, telling her she meant nothing?" Rachel yelled, she may be still be scared and shaken up, but no one insults her girlfriend and gets away with it.

"I didn't say she meant nothing," Finn yelled back, trying to weakly defend himself.

"Yes you did, by telling her it meant nothing because you felt nothing is just like saying she meant nothing. I know about Santana past Finn and I do not hold it against her, she was holding a lot in then, more than you could ever imagine. I know she loves me and would never leave me, she's willing to wait till I'm ready, does that sound like the slut you have her painted as?" She asked, he stood there dumbfound unable to answer.

"You can't answer because it doesn't. She changed, she has finally accepted who she is, and I will be damned if I let you tear her down for past mistakes just because of your misguided jealously," the group watched and listened in shock, this was protective Rachel at her peak. Santana felt a overwhelming sense of pride swell within her heart. She didn't think it was possible, but in that moment she felt her love for the tiny diva grow even more.

"I'm tired of this game, you don't love me. I'm you're safety net, someone to always go back to when a relationship doesn't work out," He went to protest but Rachel held up her hand to stop him.

"No it's true, and now that your safety net is broken you are desperately trying to hold onto it. You're not in love with me Finn, you want me because you can't have me, that's the way it always is with you and me. You need to move on because there is a wonderful woman out there for you, but if you keep hanging onto the idea of you and me you will never find her," She said her voice softening as the fight in her began to dissipate and the girl who just wanted to make everything better for everyone came back.

Finn had tears streaming down his face as her words began to sink in, knowing she was right. He always knew she would be there if things didn't work out, and now that she's not it terrifies him. Santana watched the boy silently breakdown and was beginning to understand he was scared of being alone and trying to hang on to the one thing he thought would keep that from happening. Even if that meant neither of them would truly be happy.

"You're extremely important to me Finn. As I said before, you were the first person to look past my diva wall and see me, and I can never thank you enough for that. I don't want to lose you as a friend, but if it comes down to it, I will choose Santana, because it's always been Santana for me," She told him her voice breaking with emotion.

Santana stepped up beside her and gently wrapped her arms around her, her only intention was to comfort her girlfriend as she whispered sweet nothing into her ear to help keep her from breaking down. Finn watched the exchange with a fresh pair of eyes, seeing for the first time the gentleness and true love between the two. Something that was never there between himself and Rachel.

"It won't come to that Rach, I'm going to back off. For real this time I promise," He said gaining their attention. Santana looked at him with a curious raised eyebrow.

"Santana I am truly sorry for everything I have done, everything I have said. Including what I said when I slept with you. Rachel I am sorry for putting you through this, I honestly never meant to hurt either of you," They both nodded accepted his apology.

"I need some time to myself, but if you both let me I would like to eventually try to regain your friendship and trust," He said sincerely. Rachel looked up at Santana hopefully, she smiled down at her and nodded.

"We would love that Finn," She said giving him a small hug.

Mr. Schue chose that moment to show up and looked at the group of the emotionally drained teenagers in the hall curiously.

"What's going on guys?" He asked. They all gave a small laugh at the clueless teacher before making their way back into the choir room.


	21. Chapter 21

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 21

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my new beta TheJudge94!

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><p>"No, no please don't. Please, stop!" The sound of her girlfriend screaming woke Santana out of her pleasant sleep. She looked over to find Rachel sweating and tossing from side to side, as if she was trying to get away from something or someone. These night terrors were becoming less frequent since Rachel confessed her secret, but they still reared their ugly heads once in a while, and Puck's comment was all it took to bring one out.<p>

"Shh, mi estrella. You're okay, wake up baby, you're safe," Santana whispered lovingly into her ear, placing a gentle hand on the girls shoulder, knowing better then to wrap her arms around the small frame right now. The last time she had done that while Rachel was in the middle of a nightmare, it only made it worse. All she could do was whisper gentle reassurances until the small girl found her way back to her. She was grateful that it seemed to take less time to wake Rachel now than it had before.

"Night terror?" Maria asked standing on the middle of the stairs that led down to her daughter's room. She was walking by after going to the bathroom and heard Rachel screaming and wanted to make sure that everything was alright.

Santana nodded sadly at her mother's question, keeping her full attention on the shaking girl next to her. Rachel had calmed down considerably but it was obvious that she was still stuck in the middle of her horrible dream.

"Do you need any help?" Maria asked, her heart breaking for her daughter's girlfriend. She didn't know much about what these night terrors were about, because Rachel didn't want many people knowing, but she had a pretty good assumption of what they were, and Santana has all but confirmed her fears.

"No, I got this," She said with determination, breaking her gaze away from her girlfriend to look at her mother. "Thank you mami," She said gratefully. The older woman nodded.

"Come find me if you need me," She said before she left to go back to her bedroom.

All of Santana's attention was focused back on Rachel as soon as her mother left. The singer was now drenched with sweat, but her screaming had reduced to slight whimpering. The Latina leaned in as close as she dared to her girlfriend ear.

"Come on baby, come back to me. You're safe Estrella, I love you." She whispered, doing a little cheer in her head when Rachel finally began to un-tense, her chocolate eyes slowly opening until they met concerned darker ones above her.

"San?" She questioned with a small whimper. The darker girl smiled down at her reassuringly.

"It's me baby, you're okay," She told her softly, caressing her cheek in the most loving manner, never letting their eye contact break.

"How long did it take for me to wake up this time?" She asked after a few minutes whilst reaching for the notebook beside the bed. Dr. Cordell had asked her to record different stuff about her dreams, promising she wouldn't read any of it unless Rachel had given her permission, but the one thing she did want to know for sure was how long it took Rachel to come out of the night terror.

"About ten minutes, it's getting easier to wake you now," Santana told her encouragingly. Rachel only nodded and wrote down the time. Then proceeded write her feeling about the night terror. When she finished she closed the book and placed it back on the nightstand.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Santana asked when Rachel's eyes met hers again. Rachel seemed to think about it for a moment, and then slowly nodded. Santana was shocked at first, usually Rachel wanted to go straight back to sleep and then talk about it at her next therapy meeting. She quickly got a hold of herself and gave Rachel her full attention.

"It wasn't as bad as the other ones." She began quietly, snuggling close to the warm body of her girlfriend. Santana started to run her fingers through dark locks, wrapping her other arm around her waist and holding her close.

"Everything was kind of blurry and I couldn't like physically feel everything like I usually do, but I could still feel the overwhelming sense of fear." She explained as her body shuttered, which caused Santana to strengthen the arm that was around her.

"At least their becoming less vivid," Santana said, trying to give her girlfriend something positive to hold on to. Trying to take her mind off the fear and think about how she's making progress.

"Yea . . ." Rachel said trailing off. She was still feeling thing effects of the night terror, and Puck's words were really affecting her. Santana deserved someone who wasn't broken and could give themselves completely to her. Rachel hated that she just didn't trust either Santana or herself yet, to try something so intimate and life changing, something that should bring Santana and her closer.

"Hey, where did you go just now?" the cheerleader asked, seeing the far away look on the diva's face.

"Nowhere," Rachel lied with the fake smile of hers, the one that only Santana could see through.

"You're not fooling me Rachel, we agreed no more lying" She said with a stern gentle voice.

"Sorry," the small diva said guiltily. "I just... I mean... I don't think . . ." She stuttered, not sure how to voice her concerns without causing an argument.

"Hey, whatever it is, it's okay. You can tell me," Santana reassured. She felt like she was saying this over and over, but if it gave Rachel the security she needed to talk then she would repeat herself a thousand times.

"I'm a horrible girlfriend," She replied in a whisper. Santana stared at her with her mouth agape, where the hell would she ever get that idea.

"What? Rachel, why are you saying this?" She asked, pulling away just enough so that she could see her eyes.

"I'm not good for you. I can't give myself to you like I should," She said tiredly.

She was so emotionally exhausted. It seemed like just when one inner battled was solved another one began. Why couldn't she just magically move on and be happy? When Santana tried to protest Rachel stopped her. Needing to finish what she was saying.

"You give me one hundred percent every day. You would willingly give yourself to me without a second thought, because you love and trust me. I can't do that, and you should be with someone who can," she explained brokenly. Santana felt her heart breaking for the girl next to her, she just wanted her to know she so much more than what she is seeing herself as.

"Since the start of this relationship all you have done is take care of me, and it's just not fair to you. I can't even give you anything back," She sobbed. The Latina brushed some hair out of the girl's red puffy eyes, and patiently waited for her sobs to subside.

"Can I speak now?" She asked gently with a calming smile. Rachel nodded tensing with fear of what would happen next. She was most afraid that she would break up with her now that Rachel has showed her exactly why she wasn't good enough.

"First off all, you are perfect for me," She said with no hint of doubt in her voice. "You give me so much happiness, just seeing your beautiful face makes everything bad in the world go away," She told her caressing her cheek lovingly, brushing away a few tears. Rachel went to speak but Santana held up her hand.

"No, it's my turn," She told her, Rachel clamped her mouth shut, seemingly biting her tongue to keep from speaking. Santana giggled inwardly, there was a bit of the Rachel she knew and loved.

"You also give me one hundred percent each and every day. We don't need to have sex to make this relationship meaningful and complete, it already is," She explained.

"I'm not going to lie and say that sex isn't important, because it is, but it's far from the most important thing in a relationship. I gave my virginity to someone I didn't love, hell I wasn't even attracted to him," She said with a bit of a humorless laugh. "I used sex to gain popularity and hide my true self and I regret every minute of it. The only time it ever had meaning to me was with Brittany, and even then something was missing because I could never make eye contact with her. I'm glad we're waiting, because this time it's going to be something so special and precious, and honestly I'm not even sure I'm ready for those kind of emotions yet," She told her sincerely. Rachel looked up at her with curious and hopeful brown eyes.

"But I know you're the one for me, I know we love each other, shouldn't that be enough?" She asked. Santana sighed and laced their fingers together; she stared at them for a few seconds, before returning her gaze to Rachel's.

"You need to be ready emotionally Rachel, sometimes loving someone and even trusting them doesn't mean you, yourself are ready. We're not going to be just fucking babe, we're going to be making love and that brings some heavy feelings out," Rachel blushed a deep crimson, which caused Santana to smile before she continued. "I promise you one day, you will be ready and so will I. When the time comes baby, we'll know," She told her placing a kiss on her cheek and then her lips, before letting their foreheads rest against each other's. Rachel started to visibly relax, but there was one more thing Rachel said that Santana wanted to address.

"Now third," She started, Rachel looked up at her surprised and curious. She didn't think there was anything more to say. "I have taken care of you since the start of this relationship because I want to. You have had so much pain in your life and unfortunately it's still hurting you. I want to be able to take all of that away and fill your life with happiness, but sweetheart, you also need to understand I'm not doing this because I feel I have to or out of pity. It's my personality, even if everything in your life was perfect, I would still be doing everything to take care of you, because I have a protective instinct, especially when it comes to the people I love and there's no one I love more then you," the cheerleader told her sweetly. She had never admitted something like this to anyone, but she felt like she could tell Rachel anything.

"You may not realize it but you have also taken very good care of me since this relationship began, hell you were taking care of me even before it began," She told her with a laugh. Rachel tried to protest as Santana expected she would, but she just silenced her with a quick kiss.

"Still speaking," She said with a laugh. Knowing the politeness in Rachel wouldn't let her interrupt her again after that. "One example is you have been taken care of me ever since Tony's accident, without you I would have completely fallen apart by now. Even you taking time to spend time with Tony himself and helping him is taking care of me," She said making Rachel blush, sure Rachel loved attention but when it came to people complimenting her on her good deeds she tends to get a little shy, because honestly helping people was an instinct of her own that she had always had, but no one ever seemed to see it till recently even Rachel herself.

"Before we were even friends, you went out of your way to help the very people you bullied you. I know you were the one you cussed out Finn when he outed me and I know you're the one who delivered the anonymous letter to my abuela stating very politely how big of a mistake she was making right after she disowned me," Rachel's blush only grew, she really didn't think anyone knew about those.

"So you see babe, you take care of me just as much as I take care of you, and you give me so much everyday just by breathing. I love you baby girl," She finished kissing her temple, which promptly set Rachel into another sobbing session.

Santana didn't panic or ask her what she was crying about. She knew this wasn't a panic attack or anything bad, it was just all the bottled emotions Rachel had been keeping in, finally breaking through. Finally being able to let herself go in the arms of the one she loved the most. Santana wrapped her tanned arms around the trembling girl; she let her hand travel up the back of her girlfriends sleep shirt. She trailed her finger nails up and down her girlfriend's small back, knowing this action comforted the diva the most. She whispered sweet nothings into her ear, until she her sobs died down and her trembling body fell limp as sleep finally over took the physically and emotionally exhausted singer. She kissed the top of her girlfriend's head one more time before falling into a deep sleep herself. Never removing her hand from the back of her girlfriend's shirt, once in a while Rachel would stir slightly and Santana's fingers would reflexively work their magic and lull Rachel back to a peaceful sleep.

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><p>Santana had one set goal today, and that was to kill Noah Puckerman. He made her girlfriend doubt that she was good enough for her just because she wasn't ready for sex, and that didn't fly with her at all. Yup Puck was going to die today.<p>

"Puckerman!" She shouted across the hall, storming her way through the sea of students, to the self-proclaimed bad boy. She used all her strength and pushed him up against the lockers, the loud noise and the scary look in the Latina's eyes caused the students that were mingling to scatter until the hall held only them. Yes, Santana was that scary when she was in protective girlfriend mode.

"What the hell Lopez? What's wrong with you?" He asked easily freeing himself from the smaller girl while rubbing the back of his shoulders that took the impact from the locker.

"I don't care that you're my bro, you upset my girlfriend. So now you and me gots problems," She threatened dangerously. Puck looked at her confused for a few moments until it finally clicked what she was talking about.

"You mean that comment I made Friday about you and her getting it on?" He asked receiving a nod as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Oh come on, it was only a joke. How I was supposed to know she was going to get so worked up about it. I mean I know she's kinda uptight but I thought you would have loosened her up a bit," He said, sure he felt bad that he had upset his Jewish princess, but he honestly believed he didn't do anything wrong.

"Are you seriously that dumb?" She shouted pushing him back into the lockers.

"Ow damn stop doing that," He protested holding his aching shoulder again.

"You have no idea what this means to Rachel or me, because you only think with your dick and not your brain. Rachel is more than just a fuck to me, she not like anyone else I've been with," She shouted.

She knew he wouldn't understand, because she was once him. Not thinking or really caring about the person they were with, just getting what they needed and then leaving. The only other time she came close to what she had with Rachel was with Brittany, and the only time Puck came close to it was with Quinn and that ended very badly. Puck didn't have that connection with someone yet, so he could never understand needing to make sure everything was perfect. Not to mention Rachel had baggage the size of Texas that she barely has scratched the surface on dealing with.

"I know that S, but seriously you've never been one to wait and I thought Rachel would be different with you because even the dumbest person can see you both love each other," He told her. Santana sighed and calmed herself down, he didn't know what Rachel had been through she had to remind herself of that. Plus he was McKinley's resident sex shark, to him it wasn't a big deal to take that step but for Rachel it was and honestly like she told Rachel it was for her as well because this time there would be real true raw emotions involved.

"It's different Puck, it's not something I can explain to you. Rachel's not ready for many different reasons and I respect that, I won't pressure her or let you pressure her, she been through way too much," She said quietly. He listened intently trying to connect the pieces knowing he was missing something important but just not getting it.

"What you said brought up stuff she's trying to deal with; you made her believe she's not good enough for me. When in fact she's absolutely perfect for me," She said her voice going soft and distant as she thought of her girlfriend.

"I know she is. I would never ask you to pressure her actually I would hurt you if I found out you were. I never meant to upset or pressure her; I don't want to be that type of guy anymore. I want to and I am trying to be the good guy Rachel had always seen in me. It was honestly just a joke," He said showing the rare side of him that usually only Rachel can bring out in him. Santana was seeing Noah not Puck right now.

"Look I know it was just a joke to you and Rachel knows that to, but that still doesn't change the fact that you made her feel like there was something wrong with her. You have no idea what's going on with her right now, she usually can deal with your rude humor but you suggested that she should be doing something that she is nowhere near ready for," Santana explained, a lot calmer this time. Puck nodded understanding, if it was anyone else he'd tell them to stop being a prude and loosen up, but this was his lesbro and it was about his Jewish princess. He would do anything for them.

"I'll apologize to Rachel when I see her and I'll be more careful with what I say around her," He promised. Santana smiled as they bumped fist, happy that they were on the same page again.

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><p>"Hey Rach," Puck called out when he was finally able to find the girl later that day. He would have apologized in homeroom but because of his and Santana's talk in the hall they were almost late and had to endure a lecture from Rachel about the consequences of being late to class even if it was just homeroom.<p>

"Hello Noah," She greeted quietly, other than the scolding he got earlier that say with Santana, Rachel had avoided talking to him altogether. Puck hated seeing her act like this around him.

"Look I'm not good at this sort of thing so I'm just going to come straight out and say it," He started, gaining Rachel's dull attention. "I'm sorry about the joke I made Friday at lunch. It was rude and inconsiderate. That part of your relationship with Santana is private and if you guys want to wait that's awesome and your own business," Puck apologized shifting from foot to foot nervously.

All he wanted was for his Jewish princess to forgive him and stop avoiding him, before his talk with Santana he didn't understand why she was so upset but now he at least had somewhat of an understanding. Rachel stared at him in shock for a moment, Puck wasn't known for admitting when he was wrong. She quickly got a hold of herself and smiled up at him.

"Thank you Noah, I accept and appreciate your apology. Though I have to admit I did over react, you were just expressing your personality," Rachel reasoned, always one to take the blame for others actions.

"No, I had no right to make that joke. I know how you feel about keeping shit like that private and I also know how you feel about waiting. I just assumed because you and San are so obviously in love," He told her. Rachel smiled at him again, he really was becoming a great man, so much different than the boy who use to throw kids in dumpsters without a second thought and screw girls and then up and leave.

"We do love each other more than anything in this world, and because of that we want to take it slow so that we're both ready emotionally," She explained, remembering the conversation between herself and Santana. She couldn't help the grin that graced her lips at the thought about how sweet her girlfriend is.

"I get it now Rach, I really do. I promise I'll be more careful with what I say from now on," Rachel nodded, letting the Jewish boy pull her into a hug.

"Are you two going out now?" A vaguely familiar voice interrupted them. Rachel froze, seriously hoping that voice didn't belong to who she thought it belonged to. She felt Puck tense and square his shoulder's telling her that her fears were confirmed. She took a deep breath and turned around, plastering on her fake smile. Her body remained tense as she came face to face with none other than the very woman who not only abandoned her twice but traded her in for a newer model.

"Shelby? What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice giving away how she definitely not happy to see her biological mother again.

"I wanted to check up on you, I heard everything that happened with your father," She told her taking a step forward but stopped when she noticed Rachel leaned in closer to the football player who took protectively next to her.

"That was almost three months ago, you weren't here then? Why are you here now?" Puck asked placing a comforting and protective hand on the small girls shoulder, glaring at the woman who hurt his friend so much two years ago. Shelby's shoulders dropped, realizing she wasn't going to be welcomed with open arms.

"I was afraid I wouldn't be welcomed, but I just had to see for myself that you were okay," the older woman told them. When she first found out about Rachel she got really angry and wanted to find the man that she trusted with her daughter and tear him apart. Then she was sad, really sad, and cried for a week and wanted nothing more than to go to Rachel and hold her but she was too scared to. It was only recently that she finally worked up the courage to actually come and see Rachel herself.

"Well you're not welcomed now so get the hell out of here," Puck demanded, he didn't like what she did to Rachel. Though the thought of maybe being able to see his daughter again excited him, he wouldn't let anyone else hurt Rachel, even if that meant not seeing Beth.

"Noah please," Rachel begged stepping in front of her birth mother still keeping a good distance between them.

"You left me twice already; you adopted a little girl because I wasn't good enough for you. You didn't even have the courage enough to come see me when I needed you the most. So I am going to ask you again Shelby why are you here?" Rachel asked point blank. She needed to know, Shelby had hurt her greatly in the past. When she had forced herself into her life two years ago she thought maybe she would be able to break away from here hell, but the minute she realized she wasn't what she thought she was going to be she left. All because she wasn't a little girl anymore, but what Shelby didn't realize then was that Rachel was still very much a little girl, one that really needed her mom.

"I understand you being suspicious, but I am honestly just here to see you. I thought I was doing you good by leaving, I thought you had two amazing dads and that I would just ruin that by coming into your life. I only wanted to do what's best for you, but now I know that, that was the biggest mistake I had ever made," Shelby told her with tears in her eyes. Honestly those tears angered Rachel; she didn't believe she deserved to cry. Rachel was the one that was betrayed and hurting not Shelby.

"Even if my daddy was still alive and my dad was great, I still needed my mom. You forced yourself into my life and then I don't turn out the way you expected me to, and not only do you just up and leave but you adopt another little girl. A little girl that happened to come from two people I know very well. You told me that I was grown up and didn't need you, but I wasn't I was sixteen and I was terrified because everyone in my life was either hurting me or leaving me," Rachel shouted, gaining many student's attention that were passing by in the hallway.

"I know I made a lot of huge mistakes when it came to you Rachel, but I need you to know that if I had any idea of what your father was doing to you. I promise I would have done everything in my power to help you. I know I don't deserve another chance, but I am begging you. I want to be in your life, maybe even as your mom," Shelby said softly, she was being completely honest with the young girl. She then looked over at Puck.

"I also want you and Quinn to be a part of Beth's life if you're both willing. Even if I can't repair things with Rachel, the offer still stands," She offered whole heartedly.

Rachel could feel the hope radiating off of Puck at the chance of being a part of his daughters life, and she knew even though it may take Quinn more time to take the offer she would be ecstatic to see Beth grow up even though she couldn't be there as her mother. Rachel wanted that for not only Quinn and Puck but Beth as well, she wanted to give that little girl and opportunity to know her birth parents that way she wasn't given the chance to.

"Alright I'll give you another chance," Rachel said after taking a deep breath. Shelby smiled as if she had just won the lottery and Puck was giving off mixed feelings of happiness and caution. Shelby pulled out a picture of Beth for Puck and wrote her number down on the back. The boy stared of the beautiful little girl who looked almost exactly like Quinn. Rachel pulled Shelby to the side as Puck was distracted by the picture.

"I'm only doing this for Quinn, Puck and Beth, because I know what it's like to grow up wondering where you came from and I know Quinn and Puck would never agree to this if they thought I would get hurt by it. I expect nothing from you, as you said two years ago you're my mother not my mom," Rachel said sternly, her eyes filled with pain of abandonment. Shelby took in a deep breath.

"I understand that you don't trust me, and I am willing to do anything to gain a relationship with you. I promise you Rachel this time will be different," The older woman promised. Rachel scoffed.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," She huffed before pulling the still entranced Puck away to class. Leaving Shelby with her own thoughts, knowing she had a long way to prove herself to her young daughter.

* * *

><p>Quinn and Santana's reactions to Shelby being back, was an emotional roller coaster. Santana for the most part remained angry and suspicious as she once in a while broke away from her rant to check on her girlfriend and continuously ask her if she was okay and sure about this. Quinn remained completely silent, her body tense as she clutched the picture Puck had shared with her of Beth. On one hand she wanted nothing more than to see the little girl she handed over two years ago, but on the other hand she was terrified that she wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally. When Santana finally stopped venting, Rachel walked up to Quinn and sat next to the distracted girl.<p>

"Quinn you okay?" She asked carefully, placing a hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine," She squeaked, clutching the photo a little tighter.

"You're not fine Q, you don't have to lie to us," Santana said sitting on her other side. Quinn just nodded, confirming for them that she was having an inner battle with herself.

"You know you don't have to see her right away, you can take your time and wait till you're ready," Rachel told her softly with a reassuring smile.

"I know, but I'm afraid if I wait I'll miss out on my chance with her. That I'll miss too much of her life and lose her," The head cheerleader confessed her fears to her friends, silent tears streaming down her face.

"You won't lose her, trust me. As long as you show her that you do want to be in her life when you do decide to be, then you won't lose her," Rachel told her encouragingly, but with a bit of sadness in her voice.

Santana wrapped her arm around girlfriend to offer her some comfort. Quinn held onto her best friends hand and squeezed it gently, showing her support and appreciation for the diva.

"I believe you Rach, I'll wait 'till I'm ready," She concluded, feeling a little lighter at the decision. The prospect of being in her daughter's life was amazing news, and now that she knew she could do it on her on time, wait until she was ready she was excited. Quinn looked at her phone and sighed.

"We better get to Cheerio's practice or coach will kill us," She said standing up and grabbing her bag. Santana groaned but moved to follow the head cheerleader.

"Hey," Rachel called out. Santana looked at her girlfriend with a confused look. "Where's my kiss?" She asked with a pout. The dark Cheerio laughed before she leaned in and kissed the small girl on her full lips.

"Are you waiting for me or catching a ride with whoever is picking up Artie?" She asked her grin still firmly in place.

"Tim is picking up both Artie and I today, something about having the family eat together tonight. I honestly suspect Shelby called and now they want to talk to me about it," Rachel replied, a heavy sigh in her voice. The yo-yo game with Shelby was becoming old and painful. Santana frowned at Rachel mood shift.

"Hey, everything will be fine. If she hurts you she'll have to deal with me," Santana told her, she gained a nod in return. They kissed once more only breaking apart when they heard Quinn's loud fake coughing.

"I'll call you later," Santana said before leaving with the other cheerleader so they could rush to practice so they wouldn't have to deal with Sue's endless punishment for being late.

Rachel let her shoulder sag when her girlfriend and best friend disappeared. She didn't know if she could handle another round of rejection from her birth mother, but she was trying to stay strong for Puck and Quinn. They both needed this closure and possibly amazing opportunity. She grabbed her bag and went to start heading for the parking lot where she knew Tim and Artie would be waiting for her. She stopped when she noticed a note fall out of her opened backpack, she looked at it curiously. She picked it up and put it in her back pocket, assuming it was from Santana. She continued to the parking lot with a smile, the sappy love note will bring her spirits up later when she reads it.

Santana, Quinn and Brittany where huffing after one of Sue Sylvester's grueling practices. Santana was squirting some water into her mouth before squirting a bit more of it onto her face. Even though all three of them have endured more than their share of their coach's torturer, there were still times when they just couldn't get used to it. All three of them couldn't suppress their groans when none other than the resident creepy stalker, walked up to them.

"No, Jewfro you cannot have a pair of my girlfriends panties," Santana snapped out automatically. This creeper was way too obsessed with her girlfriend.

"I am not here to ask you for what should be mine Santana," Jacob started, his extremely annoying voice echoing throughout the empty gym. All three girls growled. This guy just didn't know when to quit.

"I'm here to ask you about your feeling on the information of Hiram Berry being the one to run over your brother resulting in him losing his arm and changing his life forever," He asked forcing the recorder in her face, not a bit of compassion in his voice. He was honestly hoping that this would break the couple up and then he could get his chance with Rachel.

"How the hell do you know this?" Santana shouted, jumping off the bleachers and grabbing the boy by the collar of his shirt. Quinn and Brittany jumped down beside her, ready to stop her before she went too far, if only for Rachel's sake.

"My Uncle is a police officer, he told me," He squeaked in fear, suddenly remembering the Latina's vicious reputation.

"Are you absolutely positive?" Quinn growled, causing the boy to try to squirm away.

"Yes I'm sure, they match the license plate that hit her brother with Hiram's license plate," Santana's grip suddenly loosened as the news finally hit her. The annoying Jewish boy didn't take any time in making a break for it and running far away from the scary Unholy Trinity.

"S, calm down sweetie, talk to us," Brittany said trying to break her best friend out of the stupor she seemed to be stuck in. The two blondes watched with concern and helplessness as the Latina had an inner battle with herself.

"I-I have to go," She said suddenly, running as fast as she could away from her friend, away from everything.

* * *

><p>Rachel sat at the dinner table eating slowly as her family sat in complete silence. Artie looked just as confused as her. The phone rang and Tim jumped up to answer it, seemingly thankful for the distraction. When he came back his face was pale and he was trembling slightly. He looked directly at Rachel, which caused the girl to become very nervous. She knew this was going to be about her.<p>

"Rachel we need to tell you something?" Tim said slowly, wiping the palm of his hands on his jeans nervously.

"Is this about Shelby being back?" Rachel asked hoping to get straight to the point, but she was met with blank looks which only confused her more.

"She's what?" Kara asked, but shook her head to clear her mind and get back on track.

"No Rachel, it isn't this is much more serious and just got even more serious," Kara looked up at her husband with great concerned. Rachel was suddenly in panic mode, what the hell could they be talking about?

"Please Rachel, just remember none of this is your fault and no one is blaming you," okay she totally didn't like how this was going. "They found out who hit Tony. . ." her foster father took a deep breath trying to calm his own nerves. "It was your father," with those words Rachel felt her world collapse, no matter what anyone told her she believed this was her fault. Her father definitely didn't hit Tony accidentally; it was because he was close to her.

"There's more I just got a call from Armando," He said gaining her attention again; she prepared herself for the worse. "Jacob Ben Israel's Uncle works on the police force and he told his nephew about it, about an hour ago Jacob confronted Santana about how she felt about it. After she was told she ran out she's been missing ever sense," Tim told her carefully, prepared for the onslaught that was about to come.

Rachel was out of her seat in seconds and rambling about how they had to get searching and how it was freezing and that she was sure Santana didn't have her coat. Which Tim knew to be knew by the conversation he had with Armando who got all his information from Quinn and Brittany.

"Rachel, calm down and breathe. We're going to go look but you need to stay calm for Santana," He reasoned and the girl took a calming breath and then nodded that she was level headed once again.

Tim drove Rachel around visiting all of Santana's favorite places, while Kara and Artie stayed home just in case Santana showed up there. Santana's family was searching as well as the rest of the glee club. After the fifth trip to swing set they loved to sit at in the park, Rachel was going insane with worry. It was getting later and colder by the minute. Then a light bulb suddenly went off and she knew where she was. She wanted to hit herself for not thinking of it first.

Tim parked on the outskirts of the wooded area Santana had taken her to, to tell her she loved her and where they shared their first kiss. Tim moved to follow her in but she held up her hand to stop him.

"Please let me go alone, I promise I know where I'm going," She begged, Tim looked skeptical about letting her go alone in a wooded area at night. "Please, this is my and her spot only. We never wanted anyone else to know about it," She pleaded and after a few seconds of thought he relented and let her go alone, giving her a flashlight, Santana's jacket and a blanket.

Rachel made her way through the woods, easily remembering her way towards the river. She waded her way through the deep snow only now touched by her and Santana feet. She was terrified of what she would find when she got to her girlfriend. She was scared that she would be hurt, but that could be fixed. She was even more terrified of how Santana would react to her. Would she see her for who she was now, trouble and not worth the pain? The mere thought of losing Santana nearly killed Rachel inside. She shook her head clear she needed to find Santana and make sure she was okay, right now that's all that mattered. She finally got to the river and sighed in relief to find the shivering form of her girlfriend staring into the waterfall.

"Tana?" She called quickly rushing to her side and immediately wrapping the coat around her shoulders followed by the blanket. She wrapped her arms around her hoping to give some of her own body heat to the girl whose lips were starting to turn blue.

"Rae-Rae?" She called back weakly looking at her worried girlfriend with a tearful eyes. Sniffling slightly before she buried her face in her girlfriends neck.

"Yea, I'm here sweetheart. I am so sorry. . . God I just keep hurting you," Rachel said pitifully. Santana quickly looked up at her.

"No, you're not the one hurting anyone. He's the one hurting us, I came here because I somehow just knew you and only you would find me here," She said sincerely. She wanted her girlfriend to know that in no way shape or form did she blame her for this. It killed her to see the doubt still in her girlfriend's eyes, and it just made her hate this man even more.

"Come on we need to get you some place warm. You probably already have hypothermia," Rachel scolded lightly, helping the freezing girl out of the woods and to the car where Tim was waiting for them.

Armando checked Santana out at the hospital. She had a mild case of hypothermia and the start of a cold. So he let her go home, it was decided that Rachel would spend the night so she went home with the Lopez's. Santana never letting go of her girlfriend's tiny hand.

When they got there the biggest blow to Rachel was Tony's reaction. He had obviously been told about who had hit him and now he seemed to be afraid of Rachel, running to his room the minute he saw the petite diva.

"Don't worry darling, he's just a little shocked and scared right now. He'll come around I promise," Maria reassured the singer, checking on Santana before going to check on her youngest child.

They went down to Santana's room and lay down. Rachel wanted to hold Santana but the Cheerio insisted that she held the diva. Claiming it helped calm her down to have her in her arms. Rachel didn't argue and let Santana wrap her arms around her after making her they had three layers of blankets on them because Santana was still shivering from being out in the cold for so long. Even though it was still early on in the night around seven or so, Santana quickly fell asleep, exhausted from the day's events.

Rachel carefully slipped out of her arms, putting the stuffed puppy she gave her for Christmas in place of her body. She took out the note that she found in her bag earlier from her back pocket. Needing to know now what it said, having a terrifying feeling it wasn't from Santana at all. As she read the words crawled on the piece of lines paper, she felt her heart stop.

_Look what you made me do to that innocent little boy; imagine what I could do to that beautiful girlfriend of yours._

_Love,_

_Dad_

There was an address on the back and she knew what she had to do, to protect her girlfriend and everyone she loved.

She made her way upstairs, taking one last look at her girlfriend before shutting her door. She came across Maria in the living room, she told her she was just going to go home to get her stuff for the night while Santana slept. The woman believed her and let her go, too worried about her children to realize Rachel didn't even have a car and that it would be getting dark soon. Rachel paused for one more moment, hoping everyone knew how much she loved them, and hoped that especially Santana could move on with their lives.


	22. Chapter 22

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 22

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my new beta TheJudge94! Warning: Major angst, trigger warnings in effect.

* * *

><p>Santana groaned, and stretched out her aching muscles her body just feeling completely weak. She sniffed pathetically, remembering everything that happened earlier that day. How she found out that her girlfriend's father purposely hit her little brother and changed his life forever. She was terrified: for her family, for her girlfriend's family and her girlfriend. This man had no compassion if he could hit a young child - knowing full well he could have possibly killed him - just to hurt his daughter, who never did anything to purposely hurt someone. She turned over fully expect to her girlfriend wrapped around a pillow. She frowned when she came face to face with not Rachel but the stuff puppy Rachel gave her from Christmas. She got up, and made her way upstairs thinking that maybe Rachel went to talk with her parents or try to talk to Tony. As she walked away from her bed, she completely missed the crumbled note that was left on the floor.<p>

"Santana, what are you doing out of bed," Maria fussed over her daughter, checking her temperature glad that her body heat was returning to normal.

"I just came up to find Rachel, is she with Tony?" She asked looking around frowning, missing the comforting presence of the small girl.

"Oh she went home to get some stuff for tonight I believe," the older woman answered nonchalantly, her mind still elsewhere with everything going on emotionally and physically with her own children. Santana eyes widened and felt her breathing quicken.

"She has stuff here though," Santana yelled out in her panic state, trying to think of every reason Rachel may have had to leave and lie to her mother about it. Maria blanched, suddenly realizing that she had let Rachel go out alone, at night, with no car, in the middle of the winter and she knew Rachel left stuff here for the many times she slept over. She wanted to kick herself for not being more attentive to Rachel.

"Why would she have lied to me?" Maria asked quickly, her breathing matching her daughters now as panic set in.

"I don't know, I would think she would want to stay here with me. To make sure I'm okay," Santana knew Rachel was blaming herself for everything and she was planning on setting her straight when she felt better. She was going on the instinct that Rachel wouldn't try to run away when she knew her girlfriend needed to be taken care of.

"Okay mija, calm down we'll call the Abrams' I'm sure she really just went home to get something she forgot before," Maria tried to calm her daughter but that was difficult when she was having trouble remaining calm herself.

Maria went to call the Abrams' when Tony walked down the stair, with puffy and teary eyes and looked at his distraught sister with concern.

"San, are you okay?" He asked his voice hoarse from crying. He was ashamed with himself for how he reacted with Rachel earlier, but knowing now that her father caused his accident he just couldn't see her without seeing the car come flying towards him.

"Rachel is missing," She told him distractedly, while keeping a close eye on her mother as she talked animatedly into the phone.

"What? She was here only a little while ago, how could she have gone missing?" He asked quickly. He needed Rachel, she had become a life line and he was now terrified he was the reason he had gone missing. Afraid he made her run away.

"I know kiddo. Where trying to find her and we will," She said determined, straining to try to hear the conversation going on a couple of feet away from them.

"But shouldn't we be out there looking for her. If she's missing shouldn't we be doing what we did to find you?" He asked ready to grab his coat and go look for his sister's girlfriend himself.

"Tony stop it, I can't answer your questions because I don't know enough yet so lay off," She yelled causing her brother to take a step back.

Sure he and his sister got into shouting matches all the time, but this was different. He had never seen that fierce panicked look in her eyes, as if any second her entire world could be ripped from her. He took a calming breath and placed a hand on his sister's shoulder, trying to let her know he was there for her. Santana placed her hand on top of her brothers, letting him know she was glad he was there. Maria came back and from the look on her face it wasn't good news.

"Rachel didn't go home," She said, placing her hand on the shoulder that Tony's wasn't. "Tim and Artie are already heading out to search. Kara is staying home just in case Rachel does show up. I called your father and he is going out to search as well. Artie is calling your friends to help out. I'm going to go help, you and Tony stay here, I'll call you if when I know anything," Maria explained quickly shrugging on her coat and grabbing her pocket book which held her phone and keys.

"Mami wait, I want to help," Santana said going for her coat only to be stopped by her mother.

"No, Santana you're sick and will only hold the rest of us up, you need to stay here and rest," She explained but Santana still looked determined.

"Please, she's my girlfriend. I love her, I need to find her," Santana pleaded. Maria wanted to give in; she didn't even want to imagine how much pain Santana was in right now. She imagined it was the same pain Rachel felt when Santana went missing earlier, but she held strong Santana was too weak to go out and search.

"I know honey, but you need to stay here in case she calls. Plus I don't think Rachel would be too happy about you being out of bed right now," Maria tried to reason. Santana scoffed.

"Well I'm not happy about her running off," She said through gritted teeth. Maria raised her eyebrow at her daughter. Santana knew what her mother was trying to say, she was being a hypocrite because it was only a few hours earlier that she did a disappearing act as well.

"Fine, I'll stay," She gave up and fell onto the couch, staring at her phone as if she could will to ring and have Rachel on the other end.

"Can I help?" Tony asked quietly. He needed Rachel to be okay, he couldn't lose her with her thinking he hated her.

"You can help by staying here with your sister and keeping an eye on her," She told him quietly so that Santana would hear. He nodded willing to anything to help. He sat next to his sister and mimicked her actions of staring at her phone. Maria sighed sadly at her children before going out to look for the girl who had quietly made her way into all their hearts.

* * *

><p>Rachel sat on the floor of the dusty basement floor old farm house that she knew once belonged to her grandparents and listened to her father's endless rambling. Stating how useless and pathetic she is. It surprised her how much this affected her. She used to be able to listen to this speech without on tear escaping and now there's nothing she can do to hold them back. Of course the tears only urged him on, he let her know just how weak he thought she was for showing tears.<p>

She met Hiram at the motel he was staying at just outside of Lima. He wasted no time in dragging her to his car and driving away. She should have known he wouldn't stay at the address, she now believe there was no hope for her to be rescued. She went into this with the hope that maybe at least someone would find the note she left behind and come for her and put her father behind bars for good, but now when they started moving she lost all hope of that ever happening.

"You are such a disgrace! You can't even stick by your own family, you spread lies about me the first chance you got," He sneered at her. "You deserved everything you got, and if your so called friends knew what a pathetic selfish bitch you are they would agree with me," He said getting into her face.

"I bet your little girlfriend wouldn't even want to touch you. Then again she's such a slut I'm sure she wouldn't care," He laughed thinking he was funny.

That was the last straw for Rachel as she stood up and pushed her father back. Breathing heavily as the adrenaline rushed through her veins. He could stand there and spout of the hate about her she wanted but to insult her girlfriend was not going to fly with her. Even if it came from the man she feared most in this world. Rachel tried to hit him again but that only got her pushed to the ground. She gave out a sharp cry of pain as she landed on her back. She moved carefully thankful that nothing seemed broken.

"You are not in control her you little bitch. You understand me?" He yelled getting in her face once again, grabbing her hair tightly to hold her in place.

"You are going to do exactly as I say, or I am going to do much worse to that girlfriend of yours then I did to that little brat," He threatened. Rachel swallowed thickly, she knew he would do it and no matter how much Santana said he couldn't touch her he would find a way. She felt her body just go limp in defeat and could practically feel the grin of victory he was wearing.

"Good girl, now drink this," He instructed holding up a unmarked bottle. She eyed it suspiciously, knowing that nothing good was in it, but as he pressed it to her lips she didn't fight. If this kept Santana safe then it was completely worth it.

* * *

><p>Santana couldn't stop pacing, the police told them they couldn't do anything for twenty four hours because Rachel was eighteen. Now that a whole day had passed they were involved in the search. She was forced to stay home again with Tony, she couldn't just sit here and do nothing when Rachel was out there, in the freezing cold with her maniac father still on the loose. She was sure Rachel thought she was doing the right thing by leaving, but in reality it tore them all apart. Rachel was a part of them now and for Santana she was her other half. She knew if she lost her she wouldn't know how to move on. A big part of her heart would be ripped out of her chest and she would never be the same again.<p>

"San, they're going to find her right?" Tony asked his voice wavering pathetically. Santana looked over at her brother with the saddest and most scared look in her eyes he had ever seen on her.

"I don't know, I don't know why she left," She said her body starting to shake as she began to lose the last bit of composure she had left.

"Was it because of me? Because I ran away from her and wouldn't talk to her?" He asked, he couldn't help but feel guilty about the entire thing. Maybe if he just told Rachel he didn't blame her for what her dad did, then maybe she would be here still.

"No, buddy this is not your fault. A lot has happened to Rachel, and sometimes she can't understand that she is worth any of this. When something like this comes out, she can't help but blame herself and sometimes that makes her do stupid things," She told him, at least trying to explain what she thought to her brother was keeping her from collapsing on the floor in sobs.

"Like you did when you ran off," He said matter of factly. Santana cringed realizing how many people she worried and hurt by disappearing.

"Yea, just like that," She said and they sat in silence once again. The constant tick of the clock the only sound passing through the air.

The bell rang and Santana leaped up to answer it, hoping it was Rachel. Her face fell when she opened the door to not find Rachel but Brittany standing outside in the frigid air. She let the tall dancer in before she dejectedly closed the door.

"What are you doing here Britt, shouldn't you be helping search for Rachel?" She asked, not meaning to sound snappy but with the mood she was in she just couldn't help it. She should just place a warning able on her that says, "Do not disturb until Rachel is found."

"I was told to come sit with you and Tony. I don't think they like my idea of looking for Rachel under rocks," Brittany said sadly, Santana sighed and placed a comforting hand on her best friends shoulder. She should have known the dancer would look in the places Rachel just couldn't be in.

"It's alright B, you can help Tony and I watch out for Rachel here. Just in case she comes back," She assured which brightened up her best friend the best it could under these type of circumstances.

As it seemed Brittany took her watch out for Rachel position very seriously, as she planted herself in front of the window and didn't even seemed to blink as she looked for any sign of the petite diva. Santana went back to her pacing as Tony went back to glaring at Santana's phone. Santana tried to think of anything that would clue her into where Rachel would have gone, but she couldn't think of anything. The small girl gave no sign that she was planning on leaving when she fell asleep, in fact she seemed quite content to stay glued to her side. There must be something she had missed, some clue that she just couldn't see yet.

"Hey, I'm going down to my room for a bit. Will you two be okay up here?" She asked, receiving vague nods in response.

She made her way back down to her room, and stood in front of her bed for a few seconds. She had no idea what she was looking for. Just something to tell her where Rachel went or at least why she left. She began shuffling around her room, searching for anything that Rachel might have left for her.

"Come on Rach, just give me something," She whispered. moving back towards the bed.

She paused when she felt something under her bare feet. Looking down she found she had stepped on a crumbled piece of paper. She picked it up and held her breath as she opened it. Her heart stopped when she read it, she just broke down crashing to the floor and letting out a loud sob. Running was heard as the other two rushed downstairs after hearing the crash. Tony stood frozen seeing his sister like this. Brittany rushed to her best friends side and quickly began checking her over.

"San, what wrong? Are you hurt?" She asked frantically. Santana just continued to sob trusting the piece of paper in her best friends hand. Brittany read it carefully, her blue eyes misting with tears.

"San we need to call your parents," Brittany said in a stern tone. Santana nodded letting Brittany pull her to her feet. They walked right past a nervous and confused Tony and made the call to Santana's father.

* * *

><p>Rachel laid sprawled on the dirty basement floor. Her father hadn't hit her once but kept forcing her to drink whatever was in the bottle. She was dizzy and lethargic, she had vomited three times already and the last two had blood in it. She was also bleeding from her gums, and couldn't seem to stop it. She was getting weaker with each passing minute, her head and stomach was killing her and she just wanted to give up and let sleep take over her, but she didn't she was going to fight for as long as she could. She wanted Santana to know she fought for her, even though she was doing this to protect her and she was sure she was going to die. She wanted her girlfriend to know she didn't go down easily.<p>

"You're so pathetic, there's no use in fighting it. You're going to die and it will be slow and painful just the way you deserve," Her father sneered at her from his place in the corner where he sat completely drunk, watching her waste away to nothing.

"What is this going to prove for you," Rachel sneered back. "All this is going to get you is a one way ticket to jail. How is this helping you to kill me," She tried to yell but it came out as almost a whimper.

"I thought you were supposed to be smart. This is about revenge," He yelled back standing up and getting back in her face.

"I never wanted you. Leroy is the one who wanted children not me, I went along with it though, to please him. If I had to had a child I wanted a boy not a pathetic girl who brings nothing but trouble. But of course your father fell in love with you, everything was always about you," He kicked her a few times but she refused to cry out in pain. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

"You killed your father with you ridiculous dreams," She yelled, this caused Rachel eyes to harden.

"No I didn't, you were the one fighting with him that night, you were the one who got him so worked up when you knew his heart couldn't take it," She fought back which only earned her a smack to the face.

"It was because of you we were fighting to begin with," He told her pushing her up against the wall and placing his hands around her throat.

"We were happy till you came along, and now if you don't pay I will make sure your precious girlfriend pays for you," He threatened, his grip becoming tighter. Rachel coughed trying to force air into her lungs, but it was no use he was cutting of her airway.

"Even if they find you, you're going to die or I will find her and she will take your place here," just when Rachel thought he would let her suffocate then and there, he let her go. She fell back onto the floor gasping in breaths of air.

"It won't be that easy for you bitch," He said as more of a promise. He grabbed the bottle again and forced the liquid down her throat.

* * *

><p>The note was passed around, all of them having the same reaction. One of complete and utter dread. None of them thought could figure out where Rachel went though, because none of them thought to look at the back of the note.<p>

"She must have just known where to meet him," One of the police officers said with a frustrated sigh. They wanted nothing more than to find this girl alive and if possible put this child abuser behind bars.

"Santana did she ever mention anything you can think of that might clue you in to where she would meet him?" Kara asked softly. It's quite obvious she was just as slow to an emotional breakdown as Santana was. This was her daughter that was missing, that was every mothers worst nightmare. It terrified her even more to know she was with the man who has already proven he has no conscious when it came to hurting the girl he was meant to love and take care of.

Santana thought hard about the question. She went over every conversation she ever had with Rachel about her father in her mind, but nothing stood out for her. Though Rachel has opened up quite a bit about her past, she still never went into much detail.

"No, she never went into much detail about where she was or went when she was with him," She told them, her shoulder slumping forward. She was really starting to lose hope that they would find her.

Tony watched silently as the note was passed to another police officer, who was carefully examining the front of it. That's when he saw it, what everyone else was missing, written in small print on the back was what looked like an address.

"Is that an address on the back?" He asked, causing everyone to look at him and then the to the police officer holding the note. He turned it over to find what the young boy was talking about, it was indeed an address.

"Let's go check this out now," He said to his partner and they were quickly out the door without a second glance to broken friends and family of the very girl they were looking for.

"Good job buddy," Armando whispered to his son. Wrapping his arms around the preteens shoulders.

"Rachel will be there right?" He asked innocently. Armando stiffened because he honestly just didn't know, it's been over a day anything could have happened in that amount of time.

"I hope so kiddo," He said urging the now hopeful boy into the kitchen to get something to eat.

Santana sat completely still, she hadn't made a sound since the address was found. She didn't want to get her hope's up only for it end up causing her more heartache. She knew the statistics on finding kidnapped victims and she knew it so far is wasn't looking good for Rachel, but she just couldn't help herself from holding onto that hope like it was her life line

"Santana have you eaten or slept at all?" Kara asked sitting next to her daughters girlfriend.

"No, I can't not until I know for sure what's happened to her," She said, her voice cracking with emotion. She wrapped her arms around her body, wishing more than anything she could feel the familiar feeling of Rachel's arms around her.

"Sweetheart, you need to take care of yourself. You won't be of any help to Rachel if you collapse," Kara encouraged gently, she moved some of knotted raven hair out of the Latina's face.

"What if she's already dead?" She asked barely biting back a sob. Kara had to take a deep breath and shake her head to get rid of the images assaulting her mind.

"Don't think like that. Stay positive and most importantly stay healthy. You know Rachel wouldn't want you to neglect yourself. The whole reason she left was to keep you safe," Kara tried but knew she said something wrong as she saw a spark of anger in those brown eyes.

"She shouldn't have went. It wasn't fair to me or any of us for her to make that choice. Doesn't she know that losing her would be worse than killing me? We could have gone to the police with that note and gotten him arrested, but she didn't think she just went without any consideration to what losing her would do to me," She yelled gaining the attention of the others in the house. They all felt her pain and were in some ways thinking the same thing, but they knew Rachel was doing what she thought in her mind was the only way to protect the ones she loved.

"Honey, Rachel had to have been terrified when she read that note. Her state of mind wasn't in the right place. You are the most important person in her life, her father already proved he could hurt someone she loved and now he's threatening you. To Rachel nothing else mattered except keeping you safe, not even her own life. Yes, she should have told us about the note and she should have never gone to meet him, but she wasn't in the right frame of mind to make a sensible choice, she did the only thing she could think of to protect you. It's alright to be angry sweetheart even at Rachel but do not let that turn into hate," Kara explained slowly to the distraught girl.

Santana hung on every word and felt the tension slip away. She still thought Rachel was stupid and she was still a little angry at her, but who she was really angry at was Hiram. He manipulated her into coming to find him, knowing full well her mind set would be altered by that note. All she wanted was to have the petite frame back in her arms, where she knew she would be safe and sound.

"I could never hate her, I love her," She whispered tiredly.

"I know you do honey," Kara whispered back. "Come on your going to eat and then take a nap, no arguments," Kara ordered sternly and for once Santana didn't argue.

* * *

><p>The cops had called and told them they were not at the address, but they were currently looking around the motel room for clues to where they might have gone. Artie was keeping a watchful eye over a sleeping Santana. The usually fierce Latina was exhausted and had succumbed to sleep the minute her body landed on the couch. He appointed himself the job of watching over Santana, because he knew that his sister wouldn't forgive any of them if anything happened to the love of her life. If the worst did happen, he was prepared to watch over the Cheerio for as long as he lived. He wouldn't let his sister's sacrifice be in vain. He hoped beyond everything that it wouldn't come to that and he would be able to hand over the job of Santana's protector back to Rachel.<p>

"You know your being really calm about this," a voice said pulling him away from his thoughts. He looked over to find Santana awake and staring at him.

"Not really I'm just hiding it really well," He answered her truthfully. She nodded in understanding.

"How long was I out?" She asked rubbing her aching temples.

"About two hours," He told her. She looked panicked at the answer, the thought of missing something terrifying her.

"The only news was that they weren't at the motel but their searching it for any clues," He told her noticing the fear in her eyes. That answer really didn't help either. The fact that they weren't there terrified her, because that meant they could be anywhere and the longer it took to find her, meant the less likely it would be for them to find her alive.

"Is Tanya coming down?" She asked trying to distract herself. Artie nodded.

"Yea, she's got the soonest flight she could get. She should be here anytime now," He told her, thankful for the distraction from his stifling thoughts as well.

"That's good," Santana nodded. "Julio's trying to get time off again, but with all the classes he missed when Tony got hit he doesn't know if he can. Especially since Rachel isn't blood related," She said thoughtfully. If this was anytime she wished her big brother was here it was now. Despite all the fights they got into, he always knew how to keep her calm and at least somewhat level headed.

"He'll find a way, he loves Rachel just as much of the rest of us," He said with a reassuring smile. Santana nodded, that was true. Julio and Rachel got along really well from the moment they met. Rachel was the first partner of Santana's, besides Brittany, that he actually liked. He never even gave her the 'you better not hurt my sister speech' in fact Santana is the one who got that speech from him.

They both turned towards the door when they heard sniffling to find a silently crying Quinn standing there with her arms wrapping around her body. Santana wanted to start crying at the sight of her friend, knowing she was is a lot of pain as well. Quinn was used to being as strong as Santana was and now neither of them could seem to help but breakdown without Rachel there.

"Q, get over here," Santana ordered softly. Quinn looked up and without a second thought cuddled into her friend embrace. Brittany seemed to come out of nowhere and cuddled into Santana's other side, large silent tears streaming down her face. The Unholy Trinity stayed huddled together close, drawing as much strength as they could from each other. Artie kissed his girlfriend's hand, and squeezed both Santana and Quinn's knee's before leaving the room to see if any help was needed in the kitchen.

"When did you get here Q?" Santana asked after a few minutes of sobbing with each other. The last she knew Quinn had gone home to get some rest.

"About twenty minutes ago. I couldn't be without you guys, Rachel would want us to be here for you," Quinn told her.

"Rachel would want you to take care of yourself," Brittany said. "Both of you," She looked at Santana who bit her lip.

"I know B, that why I ate and took that nap," She answered, she was trying to let her best friend know she was keeping up her strength.

"I'm taking care of myself too, but Rachel would want us together so we can take care of each other as well," Quinn reasoned, and both nodded knowing it was true. A long moment of silence fell between them again. They stayed cuddled together the way they always have as best friends.

"This feels weird without Rachel," Brittany thought out loud. Quinn and Santana shared a look, they knew the blonde dancer was right. They were still the Unholy Trinity, but they weren't complete anymore without the normally level headed diva.

* * *

><p>It was dinner time, the Abrams' stayed with the Lopez's, the two families trying to give each other strength through one of the hardest times either of the families had ever faced. It was terrifying when Tony had gotten hit, but at least they had been able to get to him right away and knew he was getting help. They had no idea where Rachel was, if she was hurt or even alive. The not knowing was probably the worst feeling any of them had to ever experience.<p>

Half when through dinner was when Kara finally broke down. She suddenly went quite for a long moment and then it was like the dam just broke as she just let out a gut wrenching sob. Tim quickly and carefully help his wife out of the room. Scared eyes following them out the whole way. No one commented on what just happened, knowing any of them could break down just like that at any moment.

Santana pushed her food around her plate, occasionally taking a bite of what was in front of her. She didn't want to eat anything, but she remembered all the times she pushed Rachel to eat so that she would stay healthy and that gave her the incentive to eat. After dinner she quickly excused herself and made her way down her room, trying to avoid Kara's gaze as she passed the still distraught woman sobbing in her husband's arms as she passed. She laid curled up on her bed, clutching the stuffed puppy in her arms. Right now that stuffed animal was giving her more comfort then anyone upstairs was able to give her right now, because it came from Rachel. It was meant to give comfort when Rachel wasn't there and right now she needed all the comfort that stuffed puppy could give. She gripped the dog tags around her neck, staring down on them and reading the words over and over. Rachel loved her and she could fight to get back to her.

She could her a some sort of commotion upstairs but couldn't find the strength to go hear what it was about. She just kept her focus on the dog tags and the stuffed animal. She mouthed 'fight Rachel, fight Rachel,' over and over hoping maybe she could communicate some sort of strength to her love, she hoped she knew all she could think about was her. She heard her door open, but didn't react to it thinking it was just someone coming to check on her. She looked up to find her father kneeling beside her bed, a hopeful smile gracing his face. She leaned up on her shoulder and looked at him barely letting the hope settle in her one eyes as she waited for him to speak.

"They know where she is, they're going to get her now," he said, holding her close when she let out a sob of both hope and fear. Still not knowing if they would find her dead or alive.


	23. Chapter 23

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 23

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my new beta TheJudge94! Warning: Trigger warnings in effect.

* * *

><p>Santana paced anxiously by the phone, waiting for the call that would tell them whether or not Rachel was alive or dead. Even if they did find her alive there was no telling what kind of state she would be in both physically and mentally. Santana paled at the thought that all the progress they had made could be erased within the last thirty-six hours. She had to remind herself that right now that didn't matter, right now all they need was for her to be alive and then they could fix the mental damage that had been done, because they wouldn't even get the chance to worry about it.<p>

Maria and Kara were busying themselves in the kitchen, trying to pass the time until that inevitable call came. Artie held Brittany in his lap trying to keep her calm as Quinn tried to keep Santana calm. Armando had gone to work with the hope that they would find Rachel and when they did he wanted to be there when she arrived at the hospital even they he wouldn't be able to take care of her himself because he would be to close to the case. Tim was playing card with Tony and Tanya, who had arrived about ten minutes after they found out the police knew where they were. All they were doing was trying to distract themselves, but by the way they all kept glancing over at the phone it wasn't working one bit.

The police had found a journal that Hiram had been keeping since the day Rachel was taken away from him. It gave them a bunch of evidence to use against the man, but the best evidence it gave them was the location of where he had taken Rachel. From the way it was carelessly thrown on the ground when they found nudged behind the door of the motel room. They knew he didn't leave it behind purposely. It had probably fallen out of a bag he was carrying, or maybe even in a struggle if Rachel tried to get away when she realized they weren't staying at the address he had given her.

"Santana please sit down and relax, they'll call when they have any news. Pacing in front of the phone isn't going to make that happen any faster," Quinn pleaded with her friend. The Latina was going to ware herself out if she kept up the way she was going. Santana ignored the head cheerleader and kept pacing.

"Please San, if you collapse from exhaustion not only will you not be able to be there for Rach, but she will tear all of us apart for letting you get that way," A voice called from the doorway.

She turned around to find Julio standing there looking just as tired as the rest of them, but is optimistic personality filled the room with more hope with just his presence. Santana threw herself at her brother and clung to him, needing every bit of comfort he comfort he could give. He led her over to the couch and sat next to her, he rubbed her back as she cried into his chest.

"How'd you get time off to come down here?" She asked sniffling when he looked up at art student.

"Well my boss was easy to convince," He said with a laugh. His boss did always have a soft spot for him. "The dean was another story, but after a lot of pleading and promising to make up any work I miss and even offering to take the classes over he let me take it off," He explained.

"Are you going to have to take them over?" She asked, thankful for this new distraction.

"I don't know yet, depends on how much time I miss this time. I'm sure when we find Rachel she won't let me stay away from my studies for too long," he said emphasizing the word when. He knew he couldn't promise his sister that Rachel would come back alive but he didn't want to believe it himself. Losing Rachel would be like losing Santana or Tony; he couldn't handle the thought of losing any of them.

The phone rang and everyone in the room froze, Julio tightened his hold around his sister's shoulder as Tim got up and answered the phone. They all held their breath and waited as Tim listened carefully to what was being said on the other line. He started to cry, which made Santana even more on edge. She knew that could still mean either outcome. She just hoped they were tears of relief and not tears of grief.

"Alright, thank you officer," Tim said before he hung up the phone and turned towards the anxious people waiting for the news.

"They found her. . . alive."

* * *

><p>Santana sat in the Emergency Room waiting area; she was honestly getting way to use to these uncomfortable chairs. Her right leg shook with nerves, as they waited for any type of news on Rachel condition. After Tim told them she was alive, before the celebration could start he continued to explain that yes she was alive her condition was critical. The officer on the phone wouldn't give him any specific's only that they were bringing her to hospital and they would be able to find out more information there. Hiram had put up a fight but was arrested, which gave Santana a good sense of relief. At least that bastard was somewhere he couldn't hurt them anymore.<p>

Her father was allowed to stay in the trauma room with her, all they had learned that Rachel was awake and that Armando was trying his best to keep her calm. Santana wanted nothing more than to be the one in there, reassuring her girlfriend that everything would be okay because it was over now. He was going to jail, but she knew she would just be in their way and she didn't want to stop them from doing anything that would help her right now.

The nurse Elise came down from the Progressive Care Unit when she heard that it was Rachel that was being brought in. The young diva had really stuck with the middle aged nurse when she was first here, especially since Rachel actually did take to time to come back and visit when she was well and of course she had a bunch of vegan friendly cookies with her to say thank you. It was funny when Armando tried to take some and Rachel swatted his hand away, stating he had eaten enough of them the night before when she made them.

"Santana, sweetheart how are you doing?" She asked kindly. She placed a hand on her cheerleaders back and soothingly rubbing it up and down.

"Been better," She answered, smiling sadly at the older woman.

"Don't worry, your father would only let the best people work on her," Santana nodded knowing that was true. It was still hard though, not being able to know anything that was going on.

"I'm going to go in there and check on her and see if there's anything I can do to help," Santana nodded grateful for the older nurse. She knew that two familiar faces will probably help keep Rachel from panicking too much. She still wished her could be in there with the girl she loved.

The other glee club member's began filing in, giving the Abrams' and the Lopez's especially Santana encouraging hugs. Whispering in each of ears that they were there for both them and Rachel, and they knew that their diva was to stubborn not to pull through this.

Santana looked over to see Brittany trying to keep Artie from ramming his wheelchair into the wall over and over. She took a deep breath and walked over to the pair.

"Artie please stop," She begged, Brittany sent her a grateful smile she was really afraid Artie was going to hurt himself.

"Artie stop," She said louder this time getting the boys attention. He halted his assault with his chair and looked up at his sister's girlfriend; his tears mirroring the ones rolling down her face.

"I let her down," He said sullenly. The two girls gave him a confused look.

"What do you mean?" She asked kneeling down next to his chair, placing a hand on his knee.

"I'm trying to be strong like I know she would want me to be, but every minute we have to wait out here the more I feel like I'm going to break down," He confessed, Santana sighed. She was wondering when he was going to break like the rest of them had.

"Artie, it's alright if you break down. You have been amazing throughout all of this; you have helped keep me from just falling into myself. Just because you cry doesn't mean you're not staying strong for her. She wouldn't want you to keep your emotions bottled up," She said, that piece of advice had been passed around a lot the last day in a half, but honestly it was the most important advice they could give each other right now.

"I just want her to be okay," He choked out. Santana pulled her girlfriend's brother into a tight hug.

"I know, so do I," She whispered rubbing his back. Suddenly the doors to the ER opened and Armando walked out. Quickly finding his only daughter and making his way over to her.

"Oh please no," Santana whimpered seeing the pained looked on her father's face.

"No, San no, she's still alive," He said quickly placing his hands on her shoulders to keep her from falling. Relief washed over her like a rush of cold water.

"We have a really big problem though," He said carefully. She gave him her full attention as everyone else gathered around them and tried to listen.

"He made her drink a toxic substance, the police were finally able to find the empty bottles of Brodifacoum in the house," He told them trying to keep his voice from cracking. Ever since Rachel came through those Emergency doors it had been an emotional roller coaster as they fought to figure out what he had given her and keep Rachel from slipping away in the process.

"It's a type of rat poison. Now you have already started to treat what has already been absorbed into her digestive system intravenously, but there is still poison that hasn't been absorbed and we need to pump her stomach and give her charcoal," He explained as slowly as he could. He knew they wouldn't understand everything if he went into specifics so he tried to keep it short and to the point so that they could understand.

"What's the problem just treat her," Santana yelled getting close to hysterics once again. The minute his father said that she was poisoned, she felt like she was going to be sick.

"We need to put a tube down her throat to do that but she won't let us, she keeps biting down on the tube before we can start treating her. Now we can put it up her nose but that will be a lot more painful and uncomfortable for her and I really don't want her to have to go through that. It's going to be painful enough going down her throat," He explained, he knew hearing that Rachel was trying to refuse treatment was going to ignite something in his daughter and sure enough he saw the look in her eyes harden with determination.

"What do you mean she won't let you?" She asked harshly. She felt a sense of dread hearing that Rachel seemed to be giving up, but she wasn't going to let her. She would force the tube down her throat herself if she had to; she wasn't going to let her die. She saw her father's hesitation to continue but glared at him until he told her the truth.

"She keeps saying she has to die, or he will kill you," He told her softly. Santana's breath caught in her throat she should have known this was about protecting her.

"San I think you can convince her," Santana nodded, she started to move toward the entrance of the trauma room before her father even finished, but he stopped her before she entered.

"Wait, I need to prepare you for what you're going to see in there," He said quickly, he grabbed her arm to prevent her from going any further. She stopped and waited for him to continue, preparing herself for the worst.

"First part of what this poison does is attack the parts of the vitamin K process which helps blood clot normally. So she is bleeding from her gums and her nose right now and there is blood in her urine, so you will see that. Also because it's affecting her blood clotting, she is bruising easily so you will see some pretty big bruises and you can leave bruises easily so be careful," He told her, she nodded her breathing becoming a little heavier.

"Last is that you will see heavy bruising around her neck," He told her carefully, she saw her eyes go wide as tears filled them.

"He choked her?" She asked putting her hand over her mouth. He nodded.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. Are you sure you can do this, because Rachel needs you to be strong in there for her," He told her gently yet with a warning tone. He couldn't let her in there if she couldn't keep it together, they couldn't risk upsetting Rachel any more than they already had.

"No, I'm fine. I need to do this, I'll be fine," She reassured drying her tears and straightening her shoulders. Armando searched his daughter face for a moment then nodded, guiding her through the ER door and to the trauma room they were treating Rachel in.

* * *

><p>Santana saw Rachel lying in the hospital, looking exhausted weakly protesting the tube they were trying to put in her mouth. Elise trying to coax her into letting them help her, but the diva stayed stubborn and firmly clenched her jaw shut.<p>

"Please sweetie, all we want to do is help you," Another nurse tried. Rachel shook her head as furiously as her body was able. Santana had to take many deep breaths to calm herself before walking up to the broken girl's side and made her presence known by taking her hand.

"Hey baby," She greeted softly, brushing some hair out of the shocked girls face. She was barely able to hold the tears back, at the sight of the pain filled eyes. Blood dribbled down the girls chin from her gums. She took a cloth from a nurse and avoided looking at her neck at all cost, as she gently wiped away the blood from her chin. There was blood near the side of hospital but no one seemed to know where it was coming from, because Rachel wouldn't let them exam her.

"Tana?" She asked her voice hoarse and cracked, her hand tightening weakly around her own.

"I'm here sweetheart, I'm not leaving, I'm right here," She continued to reassure, never breaking eye contact as stroked the tiny girls hair. "Thank God you're safe," She breathed out a sigh of relief, seeing her there with her eyes open and alert and hearing her voice was the best gift she was ever given.

Rachel breathed shallowly, she lifted her arm up to stroke the Latina's cheek. She covered that hand with her own, leaning into the comforting touch before taking the small hand to her lips and kissing it and then letting is rest in both her hands.

"You're a little warm," She said, concern showing in her eyes. Santana had to bite back a sob, of course she would be more concerned about her cold then the fact she had poison coursing through her veins right now.

"I'm fine babe, just a cold remember," She told her, Rachel nodded remembering the cold Santana had gotten when she disappeared without a coat in the middle of the winter.

"You should be resting," She scolded weakly, the doctor and nurses hovering around the pair doing their job waiting for the moment when they would be able to start pumping her stomach. Santana bit her lip.

"I'd rather be with you right now," She said, Rachel didn't look happy about it but let it go. Silence passed between them before Santana finally got the courage to bring up the procedure to Rachel.

"Baby, you need to let them help you," She said the desperation could already be heard in her voice. Rachel visibly paled at that, she knew that is why they brought Santana in here. She just couldn't get those words from her father out of her head. "If you don't die, she does," it just kept repeating over and over in her mind.

"I can't," She whimpered, tears building up in her eyes. She was terrified, she didn't want to die, she didn't want to leave Santana, but she wanted to keep Santana safe more than she wanted to be alive.

"Why? Why can't you? You need it," her voice was getting louder and she could tell it was scaring the petite girl, so she took a deep breath and calmed herself.

"I can't see you hurt," She said sadly letting her finger trail clumsily along jawline.

"Do you think I want to see you hurt? Rachel this is killing me," She confessed brokenly, no longer hiding the tears as she let them flow freely down her cheek. The singer shakily wiped the tears away.

"You'll move on," She told her, the coldness in her voice scaring herself. Santana shook her head furiously.

"No I won't," She said with conviction. "Baby girl I can't live without you," She said with so much passion that is took Rachel aback.

"He told me he would kill you if I don't die. I love you too much to let that happen," She tried to explain, wanting nothing more to give into her girlfriends pleas, but she just couldn't let her die for her.

"He won't, he can't touch me," She promised, she knew by the tone of her voice she was breaking through to her and it gave her a renewed strength.

"He hurt Tony. . ." Rachel started but Santana silenced her.

"He can't get to us now, he's in jail. Even if he wasn't I wouldn't let him hurt any of us again, I would hire a twenty-four seven body guard if I had to. He will not hurt us again," She said her voice growing stronger with each word she spoke. She was telling the truth, she would do everything in her power to make sure Hiram Berry never touched someone she loved again.

"He's in jail?" She asked - this was the first time she heard that. She had been taken to the hospital before the struggle between the cops and her father ended. The staff working around them wanted to slap themselves for forgetting to tell her that. Santana nodded tightening her hand around Rachel's.

"He is, he can't get to us anymore," She promised. She could still see a little hesitance in Rachel eyes and she knew she was still going to need a little more incentive.

"So help me Rachel, I will hold you down myself while they put that tube up your nose. I am not losing you," She yelled leaning down and pressed her forehead to Rachel and caressed her cheek. "Please, I love you so much. Please," She whispered this time the begging and desperation over flowing in her voice.

Rachel stared into Santana's eyes and saw so much love in them that she practically melted. She wanted to live; she wanted to live her life with the woman she loved. She wanted to live for Santana and everyone else she loved, but most importantly she wanted to live for herself. She wasn't going to let him win. She nodded against Santana forehead and the Latina pulled back and let out a relieved sob.

"Okay Rachel we're going to start with pumping your stomach and then we'll give you the charcoal," the doctor that was treating her explained. They placed Rachel on her left side for the treatment, terror coursed through Rachel veins at the sight of the tube.

"Hey, look at me," Santana said making Rachel look away from the intimidating instrument. "Just focus on me baby girl, you're going to be fine."

She took Rachel's hand as they put the tube down her throat, a nurse using a suction tool to keep her mouth clear throughout the process. Rachel squirmed as the tube passed painfully down her throat. She gagged slightly, but made no attempt to move away or bite down on the tube. Santana made sure their eyes stayed locked, she could see the fear in Rachel's eyes and she was going to make sure she knew she wasn't alone.

"You're doing great baby," Santana whispered encouragingly, soothing back the small girl's hair.

Rachel was starting to shake, tears forming in her eyes. Seeing Rachel like this was breaking her heart. She was in so much pain and she was so scared. All she could do was sit there and hold her hand. She felt so helpless as the doctor and nurses worked and once in a while gave Rachel instructions to swallow. It did take long for her stomach to be pumped and for them to start to administer the activated charcoal into her system.

"You're almost there mi Estrella," Santana told her. Rachel had started to push away as it become more uncomfortable and painful. She wasn't deliberately trying to mess it up; she just wanted the damn tube out. The charcoal split down her chin and onto her gown, but she did her best to remain still. Drawing courage from the voice and eyes she loved so much.

"Good girl, just hang on a little longer," Santana encouraged as she continued to thread her fingers through the dark matted locks.

"Alright Rachel, you're done we're going to take the tube out now," the doctor said and they slowly removed the tube from her throat. Rachel gagged and coughed a little, relieved that it was over. Santana gave a big sigh a relief as well, she never wanted to see that happen to anyone she loved every again.

"It's over baby. You were so brave, I'm proud of you," Santana soothed as Rachel cried. Her small hand managed to snake its way over to Santana and clutch onto her shirt. The darker girl smiled at the action and rubbed the girls forearm soothingly, smiling a little more as it calmed her diva down.

"Santana, you need to go back to the waiting room," Her father whispered to her. Santana hesitated but then nodded and started to try to untangle Rachel's grip.

Rachel let out a pathetic whimper, she began crying again and the hold on Santana's shirt got tighter to the point that Rachel's knuckles were turning white. Everyone in the room felt their heart's break at the sight. Santana bit back a sob of her own; she leaned back down and looked her girlfriend in the eyes once again.

"Baby I need to go so I'm not in the way. My dad and Elise will be here with you," Santana said gesturing towards her father and the dark nurse. Rachel bit her lip, she knew she could trust both of them but she only really felt safe with Santana here. She knew Santana wouldn't let anything bad happen and if Santana was with her she knew she was safe as well.

"Please don't leave me 'Tana, please," She begged. Santana almost gave in right there but stayed strong.

"I'm not leaving sweetie, I'll be right outside with everyone else who loves you. The second it's okay for me to come back I will," She told her gently, this time successively removing Rachel's hand from her shirt.

"Promise?" She asked with a whimpered. Santana nodded.

"I promise," She swore, finally Rachel let her stand up. Santana leaned over one more time and kissed her affectionately on the forehead. "Be good for the doctors and nurses and I'll see you in a little while. I love you so, so much Rae-Rae," She whispered to her, getting an 'I love you too', before she walked away out of the trauma room. Another nurse walked her back; they decided it wouldn't be a good idea to have either Armando or Elise leave right now.

"She's going to be okay right?" Santana asked the nurse before the entered the waiting room. The nurse sighed.

"So far everything is looking good. I'm sure she's going to be fine," the nurse told her with an encouraging smile. Santana nodded, she knew the fact that Rachel was awake and responsive was a great sign. She smiled back at the nurse and took a deep breath before going back into the waiting room.

* * *

><p>The minute she stepped out into the waiting room she was stampeded by the worried crowd. Questions about how Rachel was doing and how she looked. If everything went alright and if they were going to be able to see her soon. Santana answered them the best she could but didn't have the answer to when they would be able to see her or even when she would be able to see her again.<p>

"Santana can I talk to you over here?" Tim asked moving her away from the anxious group. Santana looked up at her girlfriend's foster father curiously.

"How much information did you get while you were in there?" He asked and something told Santana he knew more than she did right now.

"Just what he poisoned her with and sort of how it's affecting her. Why? What do you know?" She asked her voice laced with panic. She thought they said that she had a good chance.

"Another doctor came out to talk to us while you were in there, to explain Rachel's condition more thoroughly to your mom, Kara and myself," He started sitting her down so that they could talk more comfortably.

"First she has a very good chance, this type of poison can usually be dealt with fairly easily if caught in time and they have. Rachel still has a long road ahead of her, because they do not know the exact amount he forced her to drink, so they don't know for sure yet what damage it has already done. She could still have bleeding problems in the future but they are confident she will recover," He explained carefully. Santana nodded keeping up a stone face, inside she was shaking with fear, but she was ready to help Rachel battle any obstacles that came her way. She was going to stay strong for her.

"What are you not telling me?" She asked knowing he was purposely keeping something from her.

"I don't think you need to know the last thing Santana, it won't help either you or Rachel," He said trying to keep her away from the subject, her didn't want to hurt her anymore then she was already hurting.

"Tim please, if it's about Rachel I want to know. I don't care if it will upset me, I need to know," She pleaded with him. She knew this would most likely upset her but anything she knew about what happened to her would help her in helping Rachel. Tim sighed and nodded.

"This poison works its way through the body slowly which is one of the reasons why there aren't many deaths in humans from it. I'm sorry to say Hiram probably chose this poison because it's a slow and agonizing death, it would have taken days for Rachel to die if we hadn't found her," He said, his voice cracking with emotions of his own, when he thought about the girl he had come to love as a daughter. Lying there in agony for days praying for death to take her so she could be at peace.

Santana stood completely still; she wasn't sure how to take this new information. On one hand she was glade because if he had chosen a faster more dangerous poison they may have not found her alive. Then all she could think of was the pain that Rachel was currently in and almost fell to the floor crying when she imagined her being in even worse pain for days.

"Santana you can't think about what might have happened. The important thing is that we found her in time, she getting help and we're going to be there for her," Tim said after taking a deep breath of his own and placing a hand on the young girls shoulder.

"I know," Santana nodded. "Thank you for telling me," She said genuinely, hugging the tall scrawny man. She was honestly glade she knew. She had a bit more hope that Rachel would pull through now, and if something came up and Rachel had to deal with that Santana would be able to be there for her.

They pulled apart when they heard a commotion coming from where they left the others in the waiting room. They turned to find everyone glaring at one person, none other than Shelby Corcoran. Santana dried her eyes and hardened her look they so did not need this right now. She stepped up beside Artie, who was minutes away from rolling over the woman's feet judging by the look he was giving her and the grip he had on the wheels of his wheelchair.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She growled. Shelby took a step back, a look of terror and confusion on her face. She didn't understand why the most hostile reaction she got was from the girl who seemingly hated her daughter. She thought for sure the worst reaction would be from either Puck or Finn.

"I came to check on Rachel, I heard what happened," She explained as calmly as she could manage.

"Oh really if you care so much about Rachel, why weren't you out helping us look for her when she was missing. Why weren't you here while the rest of us were waiting for hours to find out if she was dead or alive," Santana shouted getting in the older woman's face. She wanted to bitch this woman out since the first time she abandoned her daughter, not even taking the time to look past her fake smile to realize something was seriously wrong.

"I couldn't get a babysitter for Beth, I swear if I had found someone sooner I would have been right out there looking with you," Shelby told them in her defense holding her hands up in surrender.

Santana stood silent for a few minutes, searching the eyes that so much resembled the love of her life's. They were easy to read like Rachel, and she found nothing but truth in them so she backed off.

"Alright, but you do or say one thing to upset her I will go all Lima Heights on your ass," She threatened. Shelby still looked at her curiously; this was not the Santana Lopez she remembered from last time she was here.

"Why are you being so protective all the sudden Santana? Puck shouldn't that be your job?" She asked given the confused boy a hardened look.

"I'm so protective of her because I love her and she loves me," Santana growled just daring the woman to question her. Now Shelby was really confused, she thought for sure Rachel was straight and from believed from what she saw in the hallway the other day that she was dating Puck.

"I-I tho-thought she was dating Puck," She stammered taking another step back at the dangerous look that the Latina shot both her and Puck.

"Well Shelby," She started saying the older singers name through gritted teeth. "If you had stuck around and actually gotten to know your daughter then you would know that she is gay and has been in a relationship with me for almost over two months," She snapped, she hated when people question her relationship and automatically assumed that they were with their guy friends and not each other. Shelby was shocked but her daughter's sexual orientation didn't really matter to her, as long as the person she was with treated her right.

"I'm sorry for making that assumption. When I saw Puck and Rachel hugging in the hallway I just thought they we're together," Shelby explained. Santana's eyes narrowed towards Pucks.

"Hey killer calm down, it was right after I apologized to her for that rude joke. You know how Rachel is, she loves to hug," Puck explained and Santana nodded. That was true Rachel did love to hug and cuddle, especially with her she though smiling to herself, but she kept her bitch face on in front of Shelby.

"Here's the deal, I don't trust you. You already abandoned my girl twice and both times that made her cry and I don't like seeing her cry. She's got enough going on without you barging into her life only to break her heart again. So you better make up your mind right now. Your either here for keeps or you're gonna turn around and leave right now and never contact Rachel again. You understand?" Santana threatened never breaking eye contact with the older version of Rachel. Shelby nodded, not believing she felt intimidated by an eighteen year old kid.

"I wasn't intending to leave again. I'm here for however long Rachel wants me to be here and in any way she wants me to. I just want to be in her life, I don't want to hurt her," She told her younger girl honestly. Santana studied her for a few minutes before she nodded but kept her glared in place, to let her know she was keeping a close eye on her.

Just then the ER doors opened and out walked Elise. She made a bee line right for Santana, who was alert and ready to go the second Elise gave her the word. Seeing Elise's face panic crept back up on Santana.

"What's wrong?" She asked in a frenzy. She had only been gone like thirty minutes, how much could have changed.

"After your visit Rachel allowed us to exam her more closely. We were finally able to figure out where the blood on her side was coming from. When the police were trying to get Rachel out of there he held her at knife point," She told them carefully. Santana felt her breath hitch, she felt like she was going to pass out and she wasn't even done explaining everything to them. Maria noticed her daughter's shakiness and quickly sat her down.

"No one told us that," Tim said just as much panic in his voice. No one had really explained anything to them about when Rachel was rescued.

"I'm sorry I thought the police had already spoken to you, but you need to know this. Now he didn't actually stab her, but her cut her lower back near her left side. We were able to close it up pretty easily with stitches but because of the clotting problems she's been having do to the poison she lost a lot more blood then she would have otherwise," She explained, she kneeling in front of Santana and placed a hand on her knee and lifted her chin with the other hand.

"She needs a blood transfusion, don't worry we're going to take care of her," She told all of them but was directing most of it to Santana. The cheerleader took a deep breath and nodded her eyes determined to stay strong for Rachel.

"Have they already started the transfusion?" Shelby asked. Elise looked over at her and Santana eyed her suspiciously.

"Yes, they have," Elise said she doesn't remember ever seeing this woman before but she looked strangely like Rachel.

"Well I'm her birth mother and I don't know if we're the same blood type, but if it's possible I would like to donate," Shelby offered. Santana was grateful for that offer, but when she looked over at Kara who had been strangely quiet she felt bad for the woman who was more of a mother to Rachel then Shelby could dream to be.

"That would be great, blood from a relative is always recommended more than anonymous transfusion," Elise told her holding out her arm, ready to guide the woman through the doors to get tested.

"Wait maybe the rest of us can see if we're able to donate as well," Brittany said suddenly. Everyone brightened at the thought of chance to be able to help Rachel in some way. Santana smiled at her best friend gratefully, no one ever gave her enough credit. Elise smiled and nodded.

"Of course I'll round up some help to get everyone tested and see who's a match to Rachel," and with that she led Shelby into an exam room.

"You're awesome B," Santana said in thanks, hugging the tall blonde close.

"I just want to help Rae," the dancer said genuinely with a sad voice.

"You are Britt-Britt, just by being here, and even more by making that suggestion," Santana assured her. Brittany nodded sullenly and sat down next to Artie to wait for the other nurses to come and get them. Santana sat next to Kara and nudged the strangely quiet woman.

"You okay?" She asked, weaving her hand into the older woman's.

"Yeah, yeah I'm," Santana gave her a disbelieving look.

"Shelby is getting to you isn't she?" the Cheerio asked bluntly. Kara looked up at her with tear filled eyes.

"She's part of it; I'm just really worried about Rachel dear. Just like you are," She said, reaching up and moved a piece of hair out of Santana's face.

"You know Rachel loves you right? Shelby being back isn't going to change that."

"I know, it's just Rachel was finally becoming comfortable with us. Accepting us as her family and now Shelby's back, I'm afraid of the psychological effects it's going to have on her," Kara explained straightening herself up a bit.

"Well I know one thing for sure. Shelby may be her mother but she will always see you as her mom," Santana gave Kara's hand another squeeze before she followed the nurse that was calling her back to see if she was a match for Rachel. Kara sat stunned for a few seconds before she let a small smile grace her lips.

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><p>Out of everyone they tested four of them were a match to Rachel: Shelby, Kurt, Mike and Brittany. All four were more than willing to donate, Brittany's un-normal sullen mood became brighter the minute she found out she could help Rachel. Santana wished she would have been one of the ones to help Rachel, but she knew it would have been unlikely. They were lucky they got four people who matched.<p>

About three hours later Elise came back out to tell them that they were moving Rachel to her room. It took everything in Santana to walk to the elevator with dignity instead of rest running straight for the stairs and flying up them two by two, but she kept a hold of herself. Mostly because they knew it was going to take them a little bit to get Rachel up there and if she just ran up there she would get there before Rachel did.

Most went home knowing they wouldn't be able to see Rachel today. They said goodbye to the Abrams' and the Lopez's and asked them to wish Rachel well for them and let her know they would see her later. Quinn, Brittany and Puck were the only ones of the glee club besides Artie and Santana that stayed even though they knew they probably wouldn't be able to see the tiny girl either.

Santana got up there just as they were rolling Rachel into her hospital room. Santana watched as they gently and carefully moved Rachel from the gurney to the hospital bed and place the sheets over the shivering girl. They each gave Santana an encouraging smile as the left, but Santana didn't notice she was too focused on the form struggling to stay awake. She let Kara, Tim and Artie have their moment first. Hugging her gently and kissing her forehead. She barely heard Artie whisper.

"I did everything I could to try and take care of your girl Rach, I promise. Now let us take care of you, I love ya' sis," Rachel smiled weakly at him and though she couldn't hear her she saw her lips moving and knew she said "Love you too."

Kara cried over her and begged her to scare her like that again. Rachel only smiled at her and squeezed her hand. Tim just told her he loved her and promised to be there for her. After about twenty minutes they let Santana have some time alone with her, before they were all kicked out for the night.

Santana sat down in the chair next to the bed and took the tiny hand in her own. It didn't take long before she broke down, crying hysterically her head falling down on the bed. Rachel reached over with her free hand and ran in soothingly through raven locks.

"It's okay baby, I'm right here. Just let it out sweetheart, you're safe with me. I love you so much," Rachel whispered, setting aside every bit of pain and fatigue her body was feeling at the sight of her girlfriend crying. Santana managed to compose herself and looked up at the concerned and tired eyes of her tiny diva.

"We have a lot to talk about," Santana told her, Rachel nodded knowing she wasn't going to get out of it.

"I'm not going to apologize. I know what I did was stupid and there was probably better option, but if it meant keeping you safe I would do it all over again," Rachel told her. Santana shook her head and felt a little bit of anger at the statement.

"You had no right to make that choice," She started but then stopped herself. This wasn't the time for that. Rachel was looking at her confused and exhausted. "But right now isn't the time to talk about this. I'm just so glade you're safe, I can't imagine life without you," She as she kissed the hand she was holding.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked pitifully. Santana closed her eyes and took a deep breath. No she wasn't really mad at her, she understood why Rachel made that decision after Kara explained it to her. She just couldn't erase the fear and anguish she felt when she discovered her missing and every moment thereafter.

"No Rachel I'm not. You just really scared me and we're going to have a long talk but not right now. Right now you need to rest," Santana told her truthfully, brushing some hair out of her ashen face.

"I'm sorry," Rachel chocked out, the reality of what she put her girlfriend through hitting her and the thought of what she would be going through if she didn't make it. Santana gently and quickly wiped her tears away.

"Hey, hey calm down. It's going to be okay, we're going to get through this together," Santana reassured while she stroked her cheek.

"I love you so much; I didn't think I was hurting you. I thought I was keeping you safe," She continued to cry. Santana sighed and sat on the edge of the bed to get closer to her.

"I know baby girl, I love you too. We're both safe now, everything is going to fine," She reassured again. This time Rachel crying slowly died down until they were reduced to soft hiccups.

"I'm so tired," Rachel weakly said barley able to keep her eyes open.

"Go to sleep baby, I'll be here in the morning," Santana encouraged. Rachel let out another soft "I love you," before her breathing evened out, her head fell gently to the side and she drifted off into sleep.

"I love you too, baby girl," Santana whispered again. She leaned over and kissed her forehead, before leaving with a promise to be back first thing tomorrow morning.


	24. Chapter 24

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 24

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my new beta TheJudge94! Warning: Trigger warnings in effect.

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><p>Everything was dark, Santana could hear Rachel crying out for her, but she couldn't find her anywhere. She stumbled around call out Rachel's name, every time she seemed to get close the source of the cries, they grew distant again and Santana once again took off running towards them. She felt like the air was being knocked out of her lungs. Suddenly all the lights turned on, she stopped short when she saw Rachel being held by Hiram with a knife to her throat. He smiled evilly at her before he went to slit her throat.<p>

Santana shot up in bed with a scream, her breathing was heavy and rapid as she tried to figure out where she was. Heavy steps could be heard running down her stairs and she looked over to find her mother, father and older brother stopping in front of her in a frenzy. Maria immediately shot forward and took her daughter in her arms and rocked her back and forth as Santana cried.

"Shh, mija it was just a dream. Everything's okay, it was just a dream," Maria soothed moving some of Santana's raven locks behind her ear.

"I almost lost her," She cried, clinging to her mother desperately. Armando and Julio left quietly giving the mother and daughter some time alone. They knew right now Santana needed her mother and that couldn't do anything for her right now.

"I know sweetheart, but you didn't. She's back and she's alive. He's in jail and he can't hurt her anymore, he can't hurt anyone anymore," Maria encouraged, giving her a small smile when Santana slowly dried her tears and nodded.

"What time is it?" She asked disentangling herself from the older Latina and sitting up on her own.

"Almost seven," Maria answered. Santana nodded mutely.

"You want to go see her, don't you?" The older woman asked with a knowing smile. Santana gave a small smile back and nodded slowly.

"Alright why don't you get ready and you can go in with your father. I'd rather you not drive yet," Maria told her upon seeing the confused look on her daughter's face. Santana nodded, she understood that, she knew if she was the one driving she would probably break traffic laws in her rush to go see her girlfriend.

Santana quickly went through everything she needed to do to get ready to go out in public. She even put on a little makeup for the first time since Rachel had gone missing. She didn't want Rachel to see the dark circles under her eyes, plus she wanted to give her a little something pretty to look at in the bland hospital room.

She was currently eating some cereal, because her mother refused to let her out of the house without eating something more than a nutrition bar. Tony suddenly came running down the stairs. Santana gave her little brother a strange look because he was completely dressed for the day, when he normally isn't even up this early on a Sunday.

"I'm coming to," He announced while still trying to catch his breath. It was obvious that he had rushed to get dressed so that he wouldn't miss the two before they left without him.

"Not this time buddy, it's too early for visitors. Rachel needs to rest," Armando told his young son putting on the 'it's final' look, but Tony wasn't giving up that easily.

"That's not fair, Santana gets to go see her," He argued. Santana raised her eyebrow at her brother, was he seriously being real right now.

"That's because it's a proven fact that those two are more at peace when there together," He tried to explain. Tony's shoulders slumped at her sat down at the table dejectedly.

"Don't be sad kiddo, you can come see her later," Santana tried to reassure her brother.

"But it might be too late by then," He whispered but everyone in the room caught it.

"What do you mean it might be too late?" Santana asked quickly, anxiety working its way through her body, wondering if there was something that no one was telling her. Maybe Rachel was more hurt then they were telling her and now they were trying to find a careful way to tell her.

"Calm down San, he didn't mean it like that I'm sure. I told you everything about Rachel's condition last night, she going to be fine," Armando said swiftly consoling his daughter giving his youngest son a glare for not being more careful with his words right now. The tension slowly left her body and she looked back towards Tony.

"Then what did you mean?" She asked. Tony looked down with a guilty look.

"I didn't get to talk to her last night and apologize for how I acted when I found out it was her dad who hit me. I need to talk to her now and explain or she might hate me forever," He explained with slumped shoulders and a tiny tear escaping down his cheek which he quickly tried to wipe away.

"Oh Tony, Rachel could never hate you. She'll understand that you were scared and confused. Yes she was hurt when you ran away from her, but she'll forgive you not only because that's who she is but because she loves you," Santana explained, she knew Rachel and she knew that her girlfriend probably had probably had already forgiven him, but she knew the apology and the talk that they would both had would still be a great thing for both of them.

"You don't think it will be too late?" He asked with hopeful eyes. Santana shook her head.

"Not at all, anyway even if Rachel is up right now she's probably way too tired to have a conversation right now," She told him with a small smile.

"Then why are you going to see her now?" He asked. Santana let out a small laugh.

"Because I just want to be near her right now, if I don't see her soon I think I'm going to go crazy," She told him. He let out a chuckle that she knew he was trying to hold something in and raised another eyebrow at him.

"Too late for that, you're already crazy," He said no longer able to hold back his playful laugh. Santana growled back.

"Go back to bed brat," She said swatting his arm playfully which only made him laugh harder as he ran upstairs to jump back into his comfortable bed.

"Ready to go San?" Her father asked after he finished chuckling at the little display at sibling banter. She nodded eagerly ready to go be with her girlfriend again.

* * *

><p>Armando and Santana walked down the hospital hall towards Rachel's room, just talking casually to take their minds off the fact that Rachel was here again. The nurses were either attending to patients or in the middle of changing shifts so the halls were practically empty on this floor. As they neared the diva's room they heard crying and screaming. Santana felt her heart sink into her stomach when she recognizes the cries as Rachel's. She and her father stare at each other with wide eyes for all of five seconds before taking off.<p>

When they reached the diva's room they were shocked at what they saw. Rachel was thrashing in bed trying to get out of the hospital bed restraints someone had put her in. She was panicking as her eyes darted around the room wildly, screaming out for someone, anyone to help her.

"Who the hell did this?" Armando screamed. Santana rushed forward towards her girlfriend.

She pulled at the restraints not entirely sure how to remove them. She looked up her father begging him to do something. He snapped out of his shock that someone in this hospital would do this to this traumatized girl, these restraints were a last resort for any patient everyone who worked here knew that. He rushed forward also and went to start removing the straps, but Rachel was struggling so hard that he couldn't actually remove them without hurting her.

"Rach, Rachel baby calm down sweetie. I'm here, Santana's here. You're okay, just calm down. Please honey you're going to rip out your stitches," Santana begged her girlfriend; she placed a hand on cheek and soothingly caressed it. Rachel looked at her with pure fear in her eyes, it was very obvious that those restraints were messing with her mind and that Rachel just couldn't tell where she was or who was right in front of her.

"No please, please don't hurt me. Please I'll do anything, please let me go," Rachel begged, Santana felt her heart breaking. Hearing Rachel's pleas made her think about how Rachel probably begged for her father to stop many times in the past.

"Baby, you're safe. No one is going to hurt you, just take a deep breath Rae-Rae, when you calm down we'll be able to take the restraints off," She said with a stern gentle tone. The nickname that only Santana ever calls her seemed to break through Rachel's fear clouded mind, and finally she began to recognize the people around her.

By this time the shift change had happened and some of the daytime nurses had heard the commotion and had come in to try to help and were also attempting to remove the restraints that they all knew shouldn't be there. Rachel's eyes focused on Santana's, she slowly stopped struggling and tried her best to even out her breathing.

"That's it baby girl, slow deep breaths. Good girl, let's get these things off you," She told her with a smile trying to remain strong and not let Rachel know how upset she was, knowing it would only further upset the small diva. Armando and the nurses quickly removed the restraints, Rachel automatically curled into herself and that's when they all noticed the blood seeping through her gown. Armando was quick to check her stitches.

"She tore her stitches a little," He sighed. Santana closed her eyes, pitched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath in and out to calm herself. She wanted to rip apart whoever put those restraints on her girlfriend.

"Don't worry San. It's not too bad, it's nothing we can't fix," Armando said in reassurance. He and a nurse were already going about getting things set up to fix Rachel's stitches.

"I know, I just hate seeing her like this," She confessed sitting on the edge of the hospital bed and rubbing the trembling girls back to try to soothe her.

"I know mija, and I promise you those restraints were not supposed to be on her. Whoever put them there is going to be in big trouble," Armando promised, cringing when Rachel winced at the needle going in to numb her side.

"Sorry sweetheart," He apologized to the diva before getting back to fixing the stitches.

"Please don't get them in trouble," Rachel's small voice whispered causing everyone in the room to stop what their doing and look at her.

"What was that baby?" Santana asked not really having heard her the first time.

"Please don't get them in trouble because of me. It's my fault they had to put them on me," Rachel told them dejectedly. She felt as if she had caused so much trouble already she didn't want to cause any more problems for anyone else.

"What do you mean it's your fault?" Armando asked curiously. There was absolutely no reason for them to put her in those restraints unless she had been violent, even if she was freaking out they should have sedated her instead of tying her to the bed.

"I-I woke up and n-no one was here, I got scared and tried to get out o-of bed to t-try to f-find someone I knew," She started, she was crying and getting herself worked up. Santana squeezed the small girls shoulder before leaning down and kissing her temple.

"Shh, sweetie, take a deep breath and tell us when you're ready. You've done nothing wrong," Santana whispered to her and kept whispering sweet nothings in her ear until Rachel was able regain her composure.

"Some nurses stopped me and I freaked out because I didn't know them and I couldn't find anyone I knew. When I kept fighting to get out of bed, they forced me back down and then put the restraints on," Rachel explained slowly managing keeping her breathing even and calm.

"Rachel I'm going to tell you this once so please listen," Armando said in a stern voice. He had finished re-stitching the wound and was now placing a clean dressing on it before looking into tired and fearful brown eyes.

"You did nothing wrong, the most they should have done is sedated you so that you didn't hurt yourself. They had no right to restrain you, especially since in the end that made you even more agitated and scared which did cause you to hurt yourself," He told her in that tone that left no room for arguments.

Rachel nodded slowly her eyelids growing heavy with exhaustion, the stress and lack of sleep finally catching up with her. She was fighting with every bit of energy she had left to stay awake, so that she could talk more with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's father. Santana and Armando smiled at the struggling girl fondly.

"Go to sleep baby girl, I promise I'll be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere," Santana promised, running her fingernails up and down Rachel's back. She knew this calmed and put her girlfriend to sleep almost every time. Rachel sighed contently and turned her head to face the Latina, now fighting even harder to stay awake.

"Will you lay with me?" She asked hopefully. Santana looked up at her father who smiled and nodded. The cheerleader smiled at her girlfriend before climbing into the hospital on the side of Rachel that didn't have the stitches and let her diva cuddle into her side. Once settled with the sheets pulled over them, Santana resumed her previous comforting actions. This time Rachel lost the fight immediately, as her breathing evened out and she snuggled closer into Santana's chest.

* * *

><p>Santana knew her father had called in the night time staff that was one this floor back to the hospital and the chief of staff himself. They were currently in a meeting to find out who was involved in restraining Rachel last night. She knew Rachel didn't want them to get in trouble and she thought they believed they were doing what they really believed was in her best interest. Santana though did want to see them punished; she knew they had to have known not to restrain her. They had to have known what had happened to her and they tying her up would cause a panic attack. They just didn't care; Santana just didn't understand why they thought this was easier than sedating her.<p>

Rachel had not moved from her spot cuddled into Santana's side since she had fallen asleep nearly two hours ago. It took every bit of self-control she had to not squeeze the life out of her girlfriend. It was only yesterday morning that she thought for sure she would never see the love of her life again. Now she was so grateful to be able to hold her in her arms right now, to be able to hear the sound of her breathing and feel the beat of her heart. She was even grateful to be able to hear the little snore that the diva would let out every once in a while as she slept. She knew this probably knocked them back a lot of steps in the progress they had made in Rachel's emotional recovery, but she vowed she would be here every step of the way. She knew it may even be tougher to get back to where they were before Rachel disappeared, but she didn't care because they had the chance to get back there.

Rachel began shifting in her arms and she let out a little whine signaling that she was waking up. Santana just smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head as she waited for the Jewish girl to come to. The singer looked up at her girlfriend with sleepy eyes.

"Hey sleepy head," Santana greeted with a smile and placed another kiss on top of her head and then one of her cheek. Rachel let out another whine, as she buried her face back into Santana's chest. This only caused the Cheerio to laugh.

"Everything hurts," the diva whimpered and the smile was instantly ripped away from Santana's face. She pushed the call button, hoping it didn't take a nurse too long to answer. Santana was thankful as Elise entered only seconds later already holding a syringe fill with Rachel's pain medication. The older nurse smiled at both of them and made her way towards Rachel's IV without a word.

Rachel was stiff in Santana arms, most of the pain was coming from her left side were the laceration from the knife was. It felt like a hundred of tiny needles were pricking her all at once. Her fist tightened around Santana's shirt and her jaw clenched as she tried to fight the pain.

"Shh, baby you're going to be fine. I know it hurts but Elise is giving you the good stuff. Don't worry, before you know it you won't be feeling a thing," Santana's joke got the desired effect as Rachel laughed between the sob that wanted to also escape her lips.

Almost as soon as the medicine was injected through the IV tube, the pain started to subside. Her fist and jaw slowly began to unclench as her body loosened and began to relax again. She poked her head out from its hiding place, and looked up at Elise with a dopey smile.

"Thanks," She slurred slightly, causing both the nurse and cheerleader to laugh.

Blood start to slowly drip from her nose, but the girl high on pain med's seemed to either not notice or care. Santana sighed and quickly grabbed a tissue from the table beside the bed and brought it to the diva's nose. Rachel tried to hold it there herself, but the drugs seemed to be affecting her motor functions, her arm just kept falling limply to Santana's chest every time she tried to hold the tissue in place.

"I got it babe, just relax," Santana told her before kissing her head, keeping the tissue in place for her.

"Why is she still bleeding?" The Latina asked looking up at Elise worriedly.

"She was given a lot of poison, and her system still needs to recover. She may have a random nose bleed or her gums might start bleeding unexpectedly for a couple days," Elise explained gently. Santana took in a deep breath and nodded that she understood, holding Rachel a little tighter. She then had a sudden thought and looked up at Elise curiously.

"I asked one of the other nurses about you earlier and they said you had today off? Why are you here?" She asked, Rachel poked her head out from Santana's neck slightly curious also why the woman would come into work on her day off, especially when they all knew she didn't get many.

"I heard about the incident with the restraints earlier," She answered soberly. "I wanted to be here just in case Rachel needed someone on the medical side of things she knew and trusted," She finished with a smile.

"What about my dad?" Santana asked confused.

"Though your father isn't supposed to handle Rachel's medical procedures because of how close he is to her, I know that won't stop him. He was only able to control himself last night because he knew he wasn't in the right frame of mind to give her the care she needed without his emotions controlling his decisions. Anyway yes, a doctor will come in and check on Rachel every once in a while, but the people she will see the most are nurses and I'm here because Rachel knows she able to trust me and I would never do anything to harm her," Elise explained smiling warmly at the pair. She had grown really fond of both of them, but she was extremely protective of Rachel now.

"You totally just couldn't go a day without seeing me," Rachel slurred, smiling at her own joke. Elise and Santana looked at her for a second before they burst out laughing.

"You've been hanging out with me too much babe, your ego has inflated," Santana laughed, pulling the tissues back. She cleaned off the dried blood and smiled when she saw that the bleeding had stopped.

"She's right I just couldn't stay away," Elise joked back dramatically. Santana's eyes narrowed playfully.

"You flirting with my woman," She quipped with mock jealously. Rachel snickered which caused Santana to smile down at her. Elise let out a hardy bubbly laugh.

"I wouldn't even think of it," She said holding up her hands in surrender, all the while winking at Rachel. They all shared in another laugh.

"Just call if you need me girls, I'm only a button push away," She told them before leaving the room.

They laid there in silence for a few minutes, both just basking in the warmth in comfort that they got from being wrapped in each other's arms. Rachel was a little more awake then before, but was slowly to once again become drowsy due to the pain medicine. This time though Rachel was fixed on fighting off sleep so that she could talk to Santana. She needed to know that they were okay. She knew she made a very big stupid mistake that not only affected herself but Santana and everyone else she loved. She honestly thought at the time she was doing what was best to protect her girlfriend. She would honestly give up her life for that girl, she just never stopped to think what it would do to the Latina if she were to actually die. She knew she herself wouldn't be able to handle it if she were in Santana's shoes a few days ago.

"Santana, I'm really sorry for everything. It was the biggest most stupid mistake I ever made in my life," Rachel started her voice thick with tiredness. Santana sighed and looked down at the diva, who was staring up at her with desperate and pleading eyes, begging for forgiveness.

"Now's not the time for this conversation either Rach. We'll talk when you can stay awake for more the fifteen minutes without fighting," Santana told her sternly. That only seemed to upset the small diva as large tears began to make their way down her cheeks. Santana's brow furrowed in confusion as she quickly wiped away those tears.

"Hey, what's this?" She asked wiping more tears away that managed to escape.

"I need to fix this before you hate me forever, that is if you don't already," Rachel said pitifully, looking down at her hands. Santana felt her heart break for the thousandth time in the past four days. She had just had a similar conversation with Tony earlier and now her own girlfriend doubted that she could never stop loving her.

"Rachel, look at me," She ordered with a stern and gentle tone. Rachel slowly looked back up to meet dark brown eyes, her felt her breath still at how much love she found in those chocolate hues.

"Nothing in this world could ever make me stop loving you. I understand why you thought you were doing what was best; I know how that instinct to protect can out see reason. I am not mad at you and I most definitely do not hate you," Rachel listened intently, seeing nothing but truth show in Santana's eyes.

"I promise you this talk won't turn into a fight. I just want to know what's going on in that head of yours and try to help because sweetie there's more to this then just being protective," Santana explained nuzzling the side of Rachel's head with her nose. She just couldn't get enough of the feeling of having Rachel back in her arms, she didn't think she was ever going to let go again. Rachel just may have a permanent attachment to her side.

"What do you mean you think there's more to this? All I was thinking about was keeping you safe and if that meant sacrificing myself then I was willing to do just that," Rachel said in a defensive tone, even though there was really nothing to be defensive about, Santana wasn't really accusing her of anything.

"Rach, you're tired and blazed out on pain med's, this conversation is not going to happen right now. You need to rest and just worry about getting your beautiful self better. When you are and have talked to Dr. Cordell, we will talk. Just know I'm not mad, I don't hate you and I will never leave you," She told her while running her finger nails along her bare back that was exposed from the thin hospital gown. Rachel sighed and had to fight even harder to stay awake.

"That's a dirty trick," She said her voice slurred this time from tiredness instead of from medication. "I don't want to go to sleep yet," She argued trying to keep her eyes open as Santana's wonderful and soothing attack on her back continued.

"Too bad," Santana smiled thinking her girlfriend was too cute when she was fighting sleep, when she knew she was a losing battle. "You're tired and you need to rest," She demanded a little more sternly.

"Don't want to. . ." She trailed off finally losing the battle and falling into a peaceful sleep. Santana smiled down at her before returning her attention back to the book she was reading before Rachel woke up the first time.

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><p>Tim, Kara, Artie and Tanya showed up not long after Rachel had fallen back to sleep. Armando was finally out of his meeting and was quick to explain everything to the girl's foster family. Tim was boiling with rage as Kara just cried at the thought of someone adding more trauma for her daughter just because they were to 'busy' to deal with her problems. Artie and Tanya were livid as well but bit their tongues because they didn't want to risk losing control and waking Rachel.<p>

Armando explained everything that happened in the meeting and was happy to announce that the ones who did it where identified and would be getting punished. Most likely they would end up be suspended from work for a few days or a week without pay. He knew the nurses that took part in restraining Rachel and that they had very limited compassion for people when they were given a hard time. Which made him wonder why they ever thought this would be a good career for them. After a little while longer Armando had to get back to work on his own patients after being reminded by a nurse three times that he was still on call.

Everyone else just sat in silence and waited for when Rachel would wake up again. When she woke with a jump at the loud sound of her own stomach grumbling for food at around twelve thirty, she blushed as everyone just laughed and Santana kissed her cheek adoringly.

She slowly ate the bland hospital meal that was brought to her room. Her stomach giving her mix signals about the food as it both thanked her and churned at the same time. She talked to her family while she ate - even sat through the demands that she never do that again for the millionth time since she was found. Artie told her again how he had did his best to look after her girl the whole time she wasn't around just like he had promised he would a long time ago. Tanya took a different approach and talked to her about anything but what had recently happened and began talking about her classes and how she was doing in them. Santana sat there and listened, helping her eat when her arm didn't want to support its weight, and rubbing her stomach anytime Rachel gave an indication that the food was upsetting it.

"Hey munchkin mind if we join the party?" Julio asked from the doorway, Maria and Tony standing behind him.

"If you stop calling me munchkin you can," Rachel joked with a smile on her face.

"I will never stop calling you munchkin, it's too much fun," He said moving into the room. He kissed the side of her head before letting his mother do the same. Tony stood in the doorway quiet and unmoving too afraid to step into the room. Even with the talk that he had with his sister and father this morning, he was still scared Rachel would never forgive him.

Rachel looked over at Tony with a longing gaze and sighed, burying her face into Santana's neck to hide the tears. She still thought Tony was afraid of her because of her dad. When Santana felt wetness on her shoulder she looked down to find Rachel crying as silently as possible. She looked over to where her little brother stood, giving him a pointed look and motioned him in with a nod of her head. The young Latino moved slowly into the room. Most of the occupants confused by his hesitance, but those who knew why he was acting this way gave him encouraging looks.

"Hey Rachie," he greeted softly. Rachel looked up at the sound of his voice, with tear filled eyes she smiled weakly at him.

"Hey," She greeted back her voice just as soft and unsure. She had no idea if he was doing this on his own or if Santana had threatened him to be nice to her.

"Why don't we let these two talk," Maria suggested after a few tense moments of silence.

"Do you feel up to it Rach?" Santana asked worriedly. She wanted these two to talk so they could stop doubting each other, but she also didn't want Rachel to over exert herself. Rachel slowly nodded turning herself with the help of Santana so that she could see Tony better.

Everyone got up and started to exit the room, some going down to the cafe while others just decided to take a walk. Santana moved to follow the others out but Rachel clung to her tighter, whimpering and shaking at the thought of her girlfriend leaving.

"It's okay," She soothed softly. "I'll just be right outside, all you have to do is yell if you need me," She promised trying once again to get up but Rachel's grip just got tighter and her shaking become more prominent.

"Please don't leave, please I need you," She begged through her tears. The mere thought of not having Santana right her next to her scared the hell out of her. She needed that security of having Santana's arms wrapped around her, because Santana's arms meant safety.

"Okay baby, shh I'm not leaving. I'll stay right here with you, shh Sweetie you're okay," Santana cooed in her ear settling back on the bed with her. The minute Santana's arms wrapped back around her Rachel let out a sigh of content and her breathing evened out once more. The Latina smiled at her lover and stroked her hair soothingly.

Tony took in the scene and was amazed at how his sister was with Rachel. How she managed to calm her down with just a few simple touches, but he was also pained by the display, because it seemed as though Rachel couldn't even bare to be in a room alone with him.

"Hey stop the pity party right now," He heard his sister's unyielding voice demand. He looked up to her giving him a stern look and Rachel giving him a puzzled look.

"She's scared and needs me right now. Her wanted me here has nothing do you with you, understand?" Santana asked raising her eyebrow as a way to put an exclamation on her question, hearing this made Rachel speak up as well.

"She's right Tony; I just don't want to be away from her right now. When she's not her I feel like I can't breathe, she makes me feel safe," Rachel explained, Santana smiled and kissed the top of her head. Wanting nothing more than to kiss her lips but knowing they couldn't right now. For one Tony was in the room and two Rachel was too weak and she knew neither of them would be able to control themselves after being deprived of it for almost four days. Another long awkward silence passed between them neither Rachel nor Tony knowing where to begin.

"Oh for heaven's sake Rach just tell Tony you forgive him," Santana blurted out not able to stand the silence anymore. Rachel looked over at the wide eyed boy with perplexed eyes.

"What does she mean? There's nothing to forgive," Rachel exclaimed. Santana rolled her eyes; of course Rachel would see it that way.

"Yes there is," Tony finally spoke. "Just because your dad did this to me, doesn't mean I had any right to take it out on you," again Santana rolled her eyes, running away from her was hardly taking it out on her. Why is everyone in her life so dramatic?

"You didn't take it out on me, I understand that you were afraid and I don't blame you. I mean the apple doesn't fall far from the tree right." It came out as more of a statement then a question. Both Tony and Santana felt their hearts hurt at how little Rachel thought of herself.

"But you're nothing like him, honestly I don't think that saying is very accurate," Tony reassured gaining Rachel's attention again as she cocked her head in that adorable fashion of hers.

"Then why did you run away?" She asked innocently sounding younger then Tony.

"I don't know, I was just so confused. I had no idea if he had run me over on purpose and if he had, I didn't know why. Seeing you just reminded me over that day when it actually happened," Tony confessed. Rachel her heart break, she never wanted to be a reminder to that terrible event that cost him his arm.

"Stop!" Tony demanded. "You don't remind me of that anymore, it was just that one time. I hate your dad not only for what he did to me but for what he did to you. I don't hate you Rachie, I love you like a sister," He said shyly. Rachel smiled at him and motioned him to come closer. When he did she pulled him into as tight of a hug as her weak body could manage.

"I love you too," She replied wiping away his happy tears. "No more running from each other okay," She made him promise, he agreed straight away.

"Alright why don't you go find everyone else and tell them it's okay to come back. Don't get lost," Santana said to the boy already moving out the door to find everyone.

"You're so amazing you know that," Santana told her as Rachel nuzzled the cheerleader's neck.

"How?" Rachel asked her voice once again laced with exhaustion, that one short emotional conversation taking everything out of her.

"You just are," was the only reply Santana could get in before she heard Rachel's breathing even out once more.


	25. Chapter 25

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 25

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94! Just want to ask please no character or ship bashing on this story. Even if I dislike a character myself, I will not bash them, so I please ask you to do the same. Thank you! Also a big thanks to all my reviewers you guys are amazing and I don't thank you guys enough! Warning: Trigger warnings in effect.

* * *

><p>Rachel jolted awake as a sharp pain ran through her side, she cried out as her body stiffened and shook. She felt a pair of soothing hands caress her back in attempt to comfort her. She opened her eyes and expected to find her girlfriend giving her the comforting gesture, but was surprised to find her asleep next to her. She turned herself carefully so not to hurt herself or wake the exhausted girl who had her arms wrapped around her. She smiled warmly when she found Brittany rubbing her back the most concentrated and concerned look, Quinn and Puck sitting on either side of her with matching looks of worry.<p>

"When did you guys get here?" She asked quietly, not wanting to wake Santana.

"About fifteen minutes ago, we didn't want to wake either of you, Armando told us we could just sit here and wait," Puck explained his voice just as soft. Rachel nodded in understanding.

"Where is everyone else?" She asked curiously. She thought for sure everyone would still be crowded in her room.

"Well Kara had to go to work. Tim, Tanya and Artie went home to pack some stuff for you while you're here. Maria and Tony went to get something to eat. Julio is trying to get a hold of some of his professors to talk about how long he can be away from school, though he should know he isn't going to get ahold of anyone on a Sunday. Also Armando is around here somewhere probably looking after some other patients," Quinn explained reaching over to take her tiny bruised hand.

"I don't want Julio missing anymore school because of me. He already missed so much when Tony was hit. I'm not even family," Rachel stated, she really didn't want to mess up anyone's lives because of her stupid mistake.

"You say you're not family one more time and I will deprive you of snuggles for a week," A groggy voice threatened. She turned back to find her girlfriend trying to look stern but failing miserably with her tired eyes.

"Like you could last a week without snuggles either," Rachel challenged with a knowing smirk.

"I can too," Santana argued with a pout making her even less convincing to the group who just giggled at her.

"Sweetie you get really restless if you don't get your snuggles, just face it baby you're a cuddle monster," Rachel said with a chuckle, Santana huffed.

"Whatever, I can't help it that you're an amazing cuddler. Seriously babe, you're like a teddy bear," Santana said trying to save her badassness by sounding nonchalant about it but in the end it didn't help at all. They chuckled again but wisely decided to not make another comment about it. Santana turned to Brittany who had yet to make a sound, and still had this worried and determined look as she continued to massage the diva's back.

"Something wrong B?" Santana asked concerned, she had never seen her best friend go this long without smiling.

"Rae's hurting, I'm trying to make her feel better," Brittany said making everyone smile warmly at her.

"Thank you Brittany, you're making me feel a lot better," She told her, trying to hide the wince but the slight twitch in her face was easily noticed by the others who were paying attention to every little move the small girl made.

"But you're still hurting, I can tell," Brittany said with a frown, her voice missing its usual cheerfulness.

"Do you need some more pain med's babe?" Santana asked wanting to slap herself for not noticing sooner that Rachel was in pain again. Rachel shook her head.

"No, I'm fine," She said, she really did not want to use that stuff unless she really needed to like she did earlier. She didn't want to become dependent on it and she really didn't like how it made her feel. Santana gave her an unconvinced look.

"Rach," Santana started with a long heavy sigh. "If you're in pain you need to let us know, you don't need to be brave for us," She scowled at her, lifting her chin up so that their eyes would meet.

"I'm not trying to be brave, it really isn't that bad. It's more like a dull ache, nothing I can't handle. If it gets worse I promise I'll let you know," Rachel tried to reason but Santana still looked unsure.

"Please 'Tana, I really don't want to take that stuff unless I have to. It makes me feel weird and out of control and I really don't like that feeling," She confessed. Santana sighed and nodded.

"Alright but if I find out you're trying to keep up a brave face it's not going to be pretty Rachel Barbra Berry," Santana warned, Rachel smiled at her gratefully.

"I promise," She said truthfully and cuddled back into the Latina's side. She looked over at Brittany who was still frowning and sighed. This whole situation just sucked.

The group of high school seniors made small talk carefully avoiding the topic of what had happened the past couple days. They all just wanted to bask in the relief that it was finally over. Rachel was safe and Hiram was in jail. Maybe now they could finally go on with their lives without having to look over their shoulders. Rachel started to grow restless and shift in the bed uncomfortably. She joints were growing stiff from not moving and she just wanted to get up and walked around a bit.

"What's wrong babe?" Santana asked as the girl turned in her arm with the fifth time in the past five minutes.

"My joints are stiff, I really want to get up and try to walk a bit," She said with a hopeful look. She was never one stay immobile for long periods of time and she could feel the circulation of her blood not flowing correctly.

"Let's see what Elise says okay?" She said after a short moment of contemplating it. She didn't want Rachel to over exert herself but she also didn't want her to be more uncomfortable then she already was if it was avoidable. Elise entered almost immediately after she had pressed the call button.

"You rang?" She asked smiling at the group of teens.

"Rach wants to get up and move a little if that alright, she said her joints are stiff," Santana explained and Elise nodded.

"Of course she can, as long as someone is there to help her walk then it's a great idea. I was going to come in soon and suggest it anyway," Elise told them already moving towards the IV to move it to the portable stand.

Puck and Santana carefully helped Rachel sit up so that her legs were dangling over the hospital bed, her feet not even touching the floor. Elise grabbed a special pair of socks so that she wouldn't slip on the cold hard floor. Rachel slowly scooted off the bed and started to stand slowly with Santana and Elise bracing her on both sides. Her legs shook under her, not used to supporting her weight anymore. They would have given out on her if it wasn't for Santana and Elise holding her up. Elise carefully moved away once Rachel had gotten use to standing again and let Santana support her girlfriend on her own. Santana kept one hand on the diva's shoulder and the other around her waist, ready to catch her if she need to.

"Umm guys, you might want to um. . . Cover up before going out into the halls," Quinn's timid and unsure voice said.

Santana looked over at her friend questioningly to find her averting her eyes away from the pair. Puck also had his eyes averted away though she could tell he was contemplating looking back at them. Brittany however was looking with no shame and a small smirk. Santana looked down and quickly realized what was going on. The flimsy hospital gown wasn't tied well enough, and her backside could be seen through the opening on the back of the gown. Rachel looked back and quickly pulled the gown together to cover herself, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. Elise handed Santana the gowns jacket and helped Rachel into it so that she remained covered. Santana signaled to Puck and Quinn they could look again as Rachel hide her completely red face in Santana's neck. When Santana felt tears she pulled away slightly and moved Rachel's chin up so that she could look in mortified eyes.

"Don't be embarrassed love, it happens," She attempted to reassure her; she kept a strong hold on her just in case her legs decided to give out. Rachel shook her head and continued crying.

"Shh baby, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You've got a cute little backside," Santana complimented with a smirk. She really hoped she didn't sound like a pervert, but hey this was her girlfriend she was allowed to compliment her and remind her of how sexy she was.

"That's true," Brittany confessed causing everyone to stop and look at the slow blonde. An awkward silence passed over them as Brittany just smiled at them. Rachel eyes went wide and blushed even a deeper shade of red.

"Um. . . okay, well girls why don't you start walking. I think up and down the hall twice will do for now, then maybe later or tomorrow if you're up to it Rachel we can try a walk around the whole ward," Elise said with a awkward smile trying to alleviate the embarrassment the young girl felt from being exposed to her friends.

"When can I take a walk outside?" Rachel asked hopefully, she missed the fresh air so much. It's been days since she got a chance to be outside and truly enjoy it.

"We'll see how you're doing tomorrow and then I'll let Dr. Lopez and your actual doctor decide, okay?" She asked, she understood the girl's cabin fever but right now she was still just too sick. Rachel sighed but nodded.

Slowly Santana and Rachel started their walk up and down the hall. Each step was careful and deliberate. Nurses and other patients smiled at the pair as they continued their journey. Their walk took a lot longer than it would normally because of how hard it was for Rachel to walk right now. She didn't expect for her legs to be this sore and they just felt completely like jelly, but the slight ache was worth being able to get out of bed. Half way on their second time coming back Rachel suddenly stopped feeling light headed as another nose bleed began.

"Whoa, okay I think that's enough walking," Santana said waving Elise over who had been watching the couple carefully the entire time.

Santana rubbing soothing circle on the small of Rachel's back as the diva used her hand that wasn't holding on to the IV pole to her nose. Elise arrived with a wheelchair and helped the diva into it and then handed the young girl a wad of tissues. Once they arrived back to Rachel's room, Puck jumped to help Santana get Rachel back into bed. Brittany's eyes went wide when she saw the blood.

"Calm down B, she's fine," Santana assured her best friend, seeing the signs of her going into panic mode.

"But why is she bleeding? Did someone hit her, should I send Lord Tubbington to kick their asses?" Brittany asked seriously. Rachel giggles from behind the tissue and gave the blonde a reassuring smile.

"I'm fine Britt, no one hit me. Just a little nose bleed, it will stop soon," Rachel tried to reassure. Brittany kept looking at her carefully frowning deeper as Rachel had to change out the tissue for another one when it became to bloody.

"I'm going to get some of your medication to help with your clotting. That should help at least slow this nose bleed," Elise said before leaving the room.

Santana crawled back into the bed next to Rachel and helped the diva cuddle into her side. The Latina wasn't feeling the best herself, she was exhausted and she still hadn't been able to shake this cold she got from being out in the cold for so long in just her Cheerio's uniform. Elise had given Rachel the medication and the bleeding finally stopped after a frustrating ten minutes. Quinn, Puck and Brittany left shortly after not wanting to overwhelm Rachel too much. Rachel looked over at Santana who was barely staying awake; she reached over and felt the darker girl's forehead.

"San, you should go home and get some rest," Rachel said pleadingly. She didn't want her girlfriend running herself into the ground because of her. She was safe and looked after here in the hospital; the Latina should be able to take at least a few hours if not a day to herself to get better.

"I'm fine babe," She said with a tired smile.

"Please don't lie to me," Rachel sighed, if Santana wanted her to be honest with how she felt then she expected the same from the cheerleader. "You're exhausted and you still have that cold. Baby you need to take care of yourself," The singer said as sternly as she could manage in her weakened state.

"I'm not leaving you Rach, you freaked out at the idea of me leaving the room when you talked to Tony. I'm not going to abandon you when you need me the most right now," Santana said stubbornly. Rachel rolled her eyes at her.

"I'll be fine, yea it'll be hard to be away from you right now, but you need to take care of yourself. I need you to stay strong, I don't like seeing you sick like this," Rachel said truthfully, reaching up to gently stroke Santana's cheek. The cheerio closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.

"It's not just about you needing me here either," Santana confessed her eyes still closed. Rachel looked up at her curiously. "I need to be here with you. This morning I had a nightmare and after I woke up I just had this overwhelming feeling of anxiety that just wouldn't go away until I was back here with you," She finished tears in her eyes, Rachel wiped them away gently.

"Oh baby, I am so sorry this is hurting you so much," Rachel said solemnly. Santana shook her head and laced her fingers through Rachel's.

"The reality that I could lose you was almost too much for me to bear. I love you so much and I can't imagine not being able to grow old with you. So being here with you now is giving me a lot more peace of mind then if I was at home worrying, and anyway what better place to be when you're sick then in a hospital," Santana joked at the end, earning a small laugh from Rachel.

"Do you really think our relationship will survive out of high school? Because statistics say. . ."

"Fuck the statistics; I know I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I have never been surer of anything in my entire life. I don't know what will happen in the future, but if I have it my way we're going to be together forever," Santana cut her off, kissing her brow sweetly.

"But what if. . ." Again she was cut off by the cheerleader.

"No what if's, look what we've been through already babe. We've survived all this crap, we can survive whatever else the world has to throw at us," She assured causing her girlfriend to smile and kiss her cheek.

"Alright you can stay as long as you promise to actually rest and not just fuss over me," Rachel said sternly with that scary voice that reminded her of her mothers. She wouldn't admit to it, but that voice scared her.

"Yes mom," She mocked earning an eye roll from the diva. "It's not like you won't be sleeping most the time anyway," She told her with a smile, Rachel just smiled back and didn't even attempt to deny it as her eyes grew noticeably heavy again. When Tim, Tanya and Artie arrived ten minutes later they found both girls sound asleep.

* * *

><p>Santana was being forced to take cold medicine that her father prescribed to her and she wasn't happy about it at all, but one pointed look from Rachel had her gulping down the medicine like a scared little girl. Rachel had changed into a pair of loose fitting pajama pants and a button up sleep shirt that the Abrams' had brought for her so that she didn't have to continue to wear that awful, uncomfortable hospital gown. She was also relieved that this meant no more wardrobe malfunctions. She specifically wore the button up shirts so that the nurses and doctors would have easy access to the wires and tubes if needed. She wished she could wear one of her favorite sweatshirts instead but understood why it was necessary.<p>

Artie had made sure they packed Rachel black bear from her dad and the build-a-bear Santana had gotten her. That way she felt more at ease when she had no choice but to be alone at the hospital. Julio had come back to let her know that he had to head back to school on Tuesday because he just couldn't take any more time off. Rachel of course understood and spent nearly fifteen minutes berating him for even considering neglecting his school work for her. This answer only received an eye roll and an amused humoring nod.

Before any of them knew it the day was once again coming to an end. Everyone including Santana was forced to leave the hospital once visiting hours were over - though the Latina took her time saying goodnight to her girlfriend, peppering her face with soft kisses and promises that she would be back early the next morning. She grabbed the build-a-bear from the table beside her and tucked it into the small singer's side before placing one last kiss goodnight on her forehead and followed her family out.

Both girls made it through the night without any nightmares and no incidents from ignorant nurses, both holding the stuffed animals that the other had given to them close: though one certainly had pain medication to help her stay in a peaceful sleep. The next day was filled with more visits from New Directions. Most only staying a short time because they didn't want to overwhelm the diva or keep her from her much needed rest, but people like Puck, Quinn and Brittany stayed until they were kicked out. Though those three it didn't really matter because they knew how to keep quiet when Rachel was resting. Kurt and Mercedes on the other hand was a whole different story.

"I swear it was the scariest thing I have ever gone through. I swear we were all out till one in the morning searching for you every day and even then we had to be forced to go home," Kurt explained with enthusiasm.

He just couldn't get over the shock of one of his best friends being in that much danger and almost losing her forever. Rachel was his fellow gay diva, he related to her in a way that he couldn't even relate to Mercedes who was his best friend. He didn't know what he would do without her anymore and he just couldn't believe that he once treated her as horribly as everyone else in this stupid town when he knew what it was like to be treated that way. He was just so happy that she gave him another chance, and even more ecstatic that, that chance wasn't cut short by that sorry excuse for a human being.

Santana glared at Kurt from her spot next to Rachel. The last thing her diva needed to be reminded of right now was what went on with the rest of them while she was being forced to drink poison and getting slapped around. Rachel for her part gave a stiff pained smile. She loved Kurt and the rest of her friend and was truly grateful for everything each of them had done to help find her. She just wished her gossip loving friend had better timing at bringing up topics like this.

"It was like watching a horror movie, only one you were a part of and couldn't stop when you got to scared," Mercedes continued to ramble on, Kurt sitting beside her agreeing. Santana felt Rachel stiffen more and more with every little detail that the two brought up. She knew she was picturing all her friend exhausted looking for her for hours with no success or chance in finding her. She needed to put an end to this before Rachel got too much into her own head and not only started reliving her own experience during the time she was kidnapped but also to start once again blaming herself for everything they went through on this end of the situation.

"Enough!" She barked out causing the ramblings diva's to stop mid-sentence. Rachel looked up at her with a mixture of gratefulness and scolding. She probably just didn't like that she resorted to yelling.

"We are just having a conversation Santana, no need to get snappy," Kurt snapped back trying to save his dignity from getting yelled at. Santana shook her head at him.

"Well this 'conversation' is upsetting her. So either pick a different topic or don't speak at all," Santana warned her HBIC glare in place. Kurt and Mercedes took a really good look at Rachel for the first time since they arrived. She was buried into Santana's side doing her best to hide herself from the world, her body was tense and her knuckles were turning white from the tight grip they had on had on Santana's shirt. Both divas' wanted to yell at themselves for not realizing how much they were upsetting her.

"Sorry Rach," Kurt said his voice suddenly soft and sullen.

"Yeah, we didn't mean to upset you. We're just so happy to have you back," Mercedes agreed, her voice also taken down quick a bit. Rachel poked her head out from it's hiding spot and gave her friends an encouraging smile.

"It's okay," She sniffed her voice small and strained. All three looked at her with concern; they hoped they didn't push her too far that she was retreating back into herself.

"Why don't we talk about Valentine's Day, this will be the first year we all have dates!" Kurt said excitedly. Mercedes and Rachel giggled at him as Santana groaned banged her head back a little on the pillow.

"Kurt that's like three week away," Santana groaned out she seriously did not want to get caught up in all this mushy shit unless she was alone with her girlfriend. She seriously had her limits about revealing her soft side to other people who weren't Rachel.

"I know I should have started planning last month, but I just got so distracted by everything," He sighed exaggeratedly, unaware of what Santana actually meant by that statement.

"I'm sure you'll plan something wonderful Kurt, Blaine will love whatever you come up with because he loves you," Rachel assured lying her head back on Santana's chest and nuzzles it until she was comfortable.

"Hey, they aren't pillows little girl," Santana joked as she poked a reddening cheek lightly.

"They are today," Rachel retorted back softly, though slightly unconvincing because her blush just grew deeper as she said it. The other three just laughed at her attempt and smiled fondly at her.

"Whatever you say babe," Santana said pulling her impossibly closer.

"So Mercedes any plans with Sam yet for Valentine's Day?" Kurt asked quick to get back to his girl talk that he loved so much. Santana bit her lip to keep from groaning in disapproval again.

"I don't know I think he wants to surprise me, at least that's what he keeps hinting at," Mercedes told them; Kurt tilted his head to the head and awed. Rachel smiled, while Santana just rolled her eyes.

"I bet he's planning something extremely romantic, he seems like the type who would be into the big romantic gestures," He swooned with a dreamy look on his face, obviously thinking about Blaine planning some big romantic date for him.

"So what are you two lovely ladies planning for Valentine's Day?" Kurt asked gesturing towards the two girls in the hospital bed. Santana froze because she had no idea what they were doing yet, she's been too busy worrying about Rachel's well-being.

"I don't think I should talk about that with my girlfriend sitting right here, wouldn't want to give away the surprise now would we?" She asked smirking up at Santana playfully. Kurt nodded taking the whole thing very seriously.

"Who says you'll be surprising me, I plan on giving you the best Valentine's Day ever," Santana countered smirking back.

"You do that baby, but I'm still going through with the plans I have for you," She said pulling her down by her neck so that their lips could meet for the first time in days.

They both got lost in the sensual touch. This kiss was soft and slow, they were just enjoying the missed feelings of the lips melding together, bringing them closer not just physically but emotionally. They pulled apart at the sound of a loud cough. Santana growled and looked over at the two divas', not liking the interruption after being deprived from her lover for so long. Both divas' were holding up their hands in innocence. Santana's brow furrowed together in confusion that is until they pointed towards the door. When Santana and Rachel turned their heads towards the door the singer froze while the cheerleader's growl grew deeper. Shelby entered the room timidly unsure of what to make of the scene before her.

"Hey, I just wanted to see how you're doing. Dr. Lopez said you were feeling more up to visitors today," She greeted holding her hands up as a peace offering as Santana continued to give her a look that could kill.

"I didn't even know you knew I was here," Rachel said softly, unsure of how to react to her birth mother.

"I've known since you disappeared. Tim called me to let me know, I wanted to come sooner but I was asked to wait because you just weren't up for visitors," Shelby explained. Kurt and Mercedes squirmed awkwardly before standing up.

"We're going to head out, we'll come by tomorrow around the same time alright," Mercedes said giving Rachel a hug after she nodded and then gave Santana one as well.

"Take care of yourself diva, you to Satan," Kurt told them with a smirk, while giving them both a hug each.

"Watch it Porcelain," Santana said smirking back and with that the two divas' left, leaving them with a very awkward looking Shelby.

"Please sit down Shelby," Rachel offered politely, which Shelby did. "Baby, could you help me sit up please?" Rachel asked not comfortable with lying on her girlfriend's chest in front of her birth mother. Though it was completely innocent she just felt too vulnerable in that position and she wasn't ready to let her guard down in front of Shelby just yet. Santana understood and help the girl into a sitting position, so that she could still lean into her side but she wasn't lying practically on top of her.

"So how are you feeling?" Shelby asked after the small girl was settled. Santana rolled her eyes at the question. How did she think she was doing after being kidnapped and given poison?

"A little better, still exhausted but the nose bleeds and the gum bleeds are happening less often then yesterday and they are taking less time to stop," Rachel explained her voice stiff and guarded.

"That's good," Shelby nodded unsure of what else to say. She was extremely happy and relieved that her daughter was doing better, but now she just didn't know where to go from here. Rachel sighed at the older woman's hesitance.

"Shelby I'm glad you're here, I really am. But I am kind of still confused by the suddenness of it, just. . . what are you expecting from me?" Rachel asked she had wondered this the first time Shelby had showed up at her school. She still didn't believe the older woman could want to be in her life without wanting something from her.

"I'm not expecting anything from you, I promise. Like I said last time we talked I just want a chance to be in your life, in any way you'll have me," She told her truthfully.

"I still don't trust you," Rachel told her point blank.

"Neither do I." Santana growled. Shelby nodded.

"I understand that and accept that. I'm not planning on leaving and I'll still be here whenever you are ready. I realize me being here right now may be a bit too soon, but I had to see for myself that you were alright," Shelby said moving her hand to rub her daughter's knee but awkwardly stopped herself before touching her. Realizing quickly it was way too soon to be offering that kind of comfort.

"I'm touched and I appreciate that, I really do. I know last time we talked I told you the only reason I'm giving you a chance if for Quinn, Puck and Beth, but I would be lying to you and myself if I didn't confess that I want some kind of relationship with you. I'm just not sure what kind of relationship that can be yet," Rachel admitted, biting her chapped lip, her gums were unable to take the sharp teeth and quickly started to bleed again. Shelby noticed first and instantly grabbed some tissues that were sitting beside the bed. She fought back the mothering instinct to hold the tissues to the girls mouth herself and handed the tissues over to Santana who soon after figured out the problem and held the tissues to the injured lips.

"I'm happy to hear that Rach, I want you to take as much time as you need. We'll take this as your pace and just so you know I do not want to take the spot Kara now has in your heart, I didn't understand before the night they found you, but Kara has the place of your heart as your mom. I promise I don't want to take that away from you or her," Shelby promised. Rachel and Santana found themselves both shocked. They didn't think Shelby would respect that boundary; that honestly went a long way with them in getting there to trust Shelby.

"Thank you," was all Rachel said and with that Shelby said her goodbye and once again stressed that she would be here whenever she was ready.

"Wow that was awkward," Santana laughed as the nervous tension slowly left the room.

"Yeah, but I think I feel a little better about giving her a chance. I'm not saying I'm going to welcome her back with open arms the next time I see her, but this, it gave me a little more hope that she's actually serious," Rachel said moving back to her previous cuddle position before Shelby had arrived.

"I'm happy for you babe. Just know no matter what I'm here for you and I will always be on your side," Santana promised. Rachel smiled at the Hispanic girl that kissed her head, feeling extremely loved.

* * *

><p>Santana looked up at the sound of someone knocking at the door. She expected to find one of their friends or family member's, because she knew nurses and doctors didn't knock before entering. She tensed up at who she found there. Rachel looked up when she felt her girlfriend stiffen; when she looked over to what she was looking at she had the same reaction. Standing there beside Armando were the two detectives that had been working her case from the beginning.<p>

"Papi, what's going on?" Santana asked running her fingers through her girlfriends hair to keep them both calm.

"The detectives want to ask Rachel some question, that if you feel up to it Rach," He explained. Rachel took in a deep breath and nodded. She knew she was going to have to do this sooner or later, might as well get it over with.

"Hi Rachel," the female detectives greeted entering the hospital room followed closely by her male partner.

"I take it you want to stay with her?" She asked Santana, cringing at the death look that she got from the girl. "Okay stupid question," She admitted and Santana nodded stiffly letting her know that is most definitely was.

"So I know we've talked before but in case you forgot I'm Detective Wildeman," the male detective introduced. "This is my partner Detective Cary," He said pointing at his female partner.

"I remember," She said her voice quiet and soft. She fighting not to bury herself back into her hiding place this is Santana's neck, the way she had been every time something comes up that was too hard for her to deal with.

"Alright as you know we have him in jail and we have a lot of evidence against him," Cary began hoping give the girl some good news and make her more comfortable with talking to them.

"We need to know what happened, from the beginning to end," Wildeman explained.

"You can do it baby," Santana whispered, she kissed the top of her head before lying her own on top of the diva's. The detectives watched the girls curiously. There had obviously been a change between the girls since they saw them together last, and they were pretty sure they knew what it was.

"I found a note in my backpack, I thought it was from Santana so I put it back in my bag to read later," She began after taking in a deep breath. "We had found out that day that it was my dad who had ran over Tony, her little brother. Santana ran away and I was so afraid of losing her," She said beginning to cry. Remembering how she felt like her whole world was going to collapse when she didn't know where girlfriend was and if she was okay. She began crying even harder when she remembered once again that she had put her through an even more painful experience when she did her own disappearing act.

"Shh mi Estrella, everything's going to be okay. I'm right here with you, I'm not going anywhere," the Latina reassured keeping all her focus on every movement and sound the diva made, to make sure she didn't miss any signs of any impending panic attacks. After a few minutes Rachel swallowed hard, took a deep breath and continued with her story.

"After we found San, I finally read the note. It was from my dad, threatening to hurt Santana the way he hurt Tony. I just made a rash decision got on the bus and went to meet him with the address he provided. I left the note behind thinking that someone would find it and then come and find me before anything really bad happened. I didn't expect him to force me out of the motel and into his car. I swear I fought him, I promise I didn't want to go with him, I just wanted to protect you," Rachel cried speaking directly to Santana now. Santana wiped away her own tears before wiping away Rachel's as well.

"I know you fought baby and that you didn't want to go with him and just wanted to protect me. You were so brave throughout the whole things. Everything is his fault, not yours," She said passionately. "Do you hear me? This is not your fault!" She exclaimed holding her a bit tighter and kissing her temple.

"She's right Rachel, none of this is your fault, it's his. He knew he had that control over you still, he knew you would do anything to protect the one you care about." Wildeman spoke reminding the two once again that they weren't alone.

"I love her!" Rachel informed him fiercely. He took a step back and held up his hands in surrender.

"Yes ma'am," he agreed with a smile. Santana smiled at her diva with pride.

"Can you tell us what happened when you got to the farm house?" Cary asked carefully and immediately the air thinned once again as tension filled the room. Santana wasn't even sure she wanted to be in here for this. She hadn't heard specifics about what happened. Just that he filled her up with poison and slapped her around quite a bit. She was almost afraid to hear Rachel relive her pain.

"He threw me down the basement stairs," She continued her voice trailing off into a mono tone void of all emotions. Which worried Santana and the detectives greatly.

"He started accusing me of spreading lies about the family and told me if my friend knew what a selfish bitch I was then they would agree that I deserved everything I got. When he insulted Santana I tried to push him but he just pushed me back onto the ground. He told me if I didn't do as he said he would make sure something worse would happen to her. So I drank what he gave me," She continued her voice cracking through it's mask a little before she quickly put it back into place, but it gave them hope that she wasn't completely turning in on herself.

"I got sick really quickly, but he kept forcing me to drink it no matter how much I kept throwing up. He told me he never wanted me, that if he had to have a child he wanted a boy and then he accused me again of killed daddy. I snapped again though, and accused of him being the one to work him up to that point of having the heart attack," Santana felt another burst of pride, she knew Rachel before actually believed she was to blame for Leroy's death and the fact that she stood up to Hiram about that showed her there was still hope Rachel could recover and move on.

"He snapped after that, got a look in his eyes that I have never seen before. He grabbed me by the throat and started to choke me. He said some more stuff that I can hardly remember because I was becoming so dizzy. The only thing I do remember is him telling me if that I had to die or Santana would take my place. I thought he would end it then, it was becoming so hard to breath, I just wanted to close my eyes and give into sleep, but he wouldn't let me he let go and made me drink more of that poison," Santana allowed herself to look at Rachel's neck for the first time since she arrived at the hospital and felt herself almost break. The dark hand shaped bruises standing out against otherwise flawless skin. She wanted to murder this man for ever laying a hand on this beautiful girl.

The detectives were taking attentive notes. Santana kept focus on Rachel noticing she was no longer able to stay behind the mask as her voice became fill with so much emotion it was becoming difficult to understand her.

"Please tell me you have everything you need," Santana begged hugging Rachel close to her as she cried hysterically into her chest.

"Yes we do. We'll let you both know when the court date is." Cary explained shakily putting her pad away. She was forcing herself to stay emotionally detached but seeing that girl break down was forcing her walls to crumble.

"Court date?" Rachel squeaked with a hiccup.

"Yes, you need to appear in court to testify against him," Wildeman explained gently. He hated this part of the job, putting victims through this pain, but he knew it was necessary.

"Don't you have enough evidence to do that without her?" Santana asked pleadingly. She wasn't sure Rachel could handle the emotional stress that would come with a trial.

"I'm afraid we can't. Without Rachel's testimony none of the evidence will be credible," Santana placed her hand on the back of Rachel head and held her and softly massaged her scalp trying to keep herself from freaking out. The detectives left without another word.

"I can't testify 'Tana, he's going to be there. I can't face him again," Rachel cried clinging to the girl she loved as if her life depended on it.

"You can do it baby girl, I know you can," She said as if she was trying to convince herself.


	26. Chapter 26

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 24

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94! Warning: Trigger warnings in effect. A/N2: I know some of you have asked about Rachel being able to give video testimony, and one stated that I needed to get my facts straight because there is no way they would make Rachel testify in front of her father. Well I did my research on it and everything I found states that because Rachel is eighteen she has to testify in court unless advised otherwise by a medical professional. I didn't only do research over the internet but asked three professionals who I know work in this field. I explain a little more in this chapter about the research I found out about it. I will provide links if any of you want proof, but please if any of you do have a concern I have gotten something wrong just talk to me, I admit when I get stuff wrong or forget to do the research I almost didn't with this but I did because of those reviews, and I want to thank them because even though I found stuff I didn't know before hand and can now use it to make the story better and more believable for you guys. Love to all my reviewers you guys are amazing.

* * *

><p>Santana entered her girlfriend's hospital room with a big smile on her face.<p>

"Happy going home day baby," She said grinning. She leaned down and gave her a light peck on the lips never losing the grin. It had been a week since Rachel had been admitted to the hospital and she was finally allowed to go home. Santana was grateful that Rachel's homecoming was on a Saturday, because her little diva demanded for her to attend school once Monday came around.

"You're crazy San," Rachel greeted with an equal grin adorning her lips.

"Crazy about you," She cooed tapping the girls Jewish nose. Rachel laughed and shook her head.

"If only you realized how cheesy you have become," She laughed starting to move out from under the covers upon seeing Kara enter the room.

"I have not become cheesy," Santana pouted, Kara giggled which caused the Latina to send a glare her way.

"I'm not cheesy, I'm badass," She whined. Rachel let out a full out belly laugh which caused her to wince as pain shot through her left side, but she recovered quickly, though the concerned looks from both her foster mother and girlfriend didn't go unnoticed.

"Now my love, you are whining," Rachel informed her smirking, getting a kick at Santana trying to defend her toughness when they all knew she was just a sweetheart inside.

"I am not whining," the cheerleader demanded. The diva raised her eyebrow; maybe the taller girl was spending a little too much time around her.

"Whatever you say love," She said in a humoring tone. Santana huffed and bit her tongue before sitting down next to the girl on the bed.

"Alright time to get those annoying needles out and get you out of here," Elise stated, announcing her presence as she entered the room.

Rachel whimpered before offering up her arm that was attached the needles. She was excited to finally have them out for good, but she also hated the feeling of them coming out especially the process of getting the tape off first. She leaned in to Santana and hid her face in the crook of her neck. Santana for her part wrapped her arms around her the best she could without getting in Elise's way and whispered sweet nothings into Rachel's ear to help distract her. She winced a few times through the process, but it was over a lot quicker then she thought it would be.

"There you go, I'll leave you to get dressed and then I will be back with the wheelchair so you can finally leave this place," Elise told her with a smile before stepping out of the room.

"Do you want me to help or would you prefer me to leave?" Santana asked, wanting to give her girlfriend some privacy so that she would be comfortable. Rachel seemed to think it over before shaking her head.

"No, I want you to help," She said. She wanted Santana to know that she trusted her, she trusted her to see her at her most vulnerable.

"Okay, let's get you changed," She said as Kara stepped forward to also help Rachel switch into new sweatpants and change from the button up sleep shirt into her favorite sweatshirt. Though Santana had the urge to ogle her girlfriend's body, she resisted it. She turned away as Kara helped her on with her bra and panties, because the minute she saw the deep blush gracing the diva's features she knew it would be too much. So she helped with getting her in to her regular clothes. Once Elise came back and the inevitable argument about the wheelchair was resolved, they were finally on their way home.

* * *

><p>"Seriously I can walk up the stairs by myself," Rachel huffed with her arms crossed over her chest defiantly. Santana and Kara rolled their eyes at the typical diva pout adorning Rachel's lips.<p>

"Babe, you're still very weak. It's not like I'm carrying you up, I'm just staying very close behind you just in case you lose your footing," Santana explained patiently.

She knew Rachel just wanted to keep her independence, but she had to learn when to accept help. The diva reminded standing there with her arms crossed and a glare in place, refusing to move until she got her way.

"Rach just let us fuss over you for a while. It will make all of us feel better," Kara said in that stern mothering tone.

"Except me," Rachel mumbled under her breath. Santana who was standing closest her to her heard, but wisely kept her mouth shut.

"Fine," Rachel gave in after a few more minutes of silence and let Santana help her with her slow assent up the stairs to her room.

The cheerleader made sure to give Rachel a little bit of a sense of freedom and kept some distance between them so the diva would feel as though she was able to do this by herself. Rachel smirked with pride once she got to the top of the stairs without stumbling once. Santana shook her head adoringly and kissed her cheek as they made their way to Rachel's room. Santana turned down Rachel's bed for her and the diva was soon climbing into her extremely missed, comfortable bed. She sighed happily as she sunk into her pillow, overjoyed to be home for the first him in over a week. Now that she was back in her own bed, the pain of what she had put her loved ones and herself through came back to her. She had tried pushing these feeling back ever since Santana told her they would talk when she as better, but now she couldn't seem to hold them in.

"You okay sweetheart?" Santana asked sitting on the edge of the bed and running her fingers through Rachel's now untangled hair.

"Everything is just hitting me again. How close I came to never seeing this place again, never seeing you again," Rachel confessed she surprised herself at how well she was able to hold back the tears that wanted to escape.

"Oh baby, you can't torture yourself with the 'what if's', you survived and that's all that matters," Santana tried reassuring her, but Rachel shook her head almost violently.

"N-no I caused this. I should have stopped and thought about what I was doing. . ." She argued stubbornly, Santana felt her heart break at how much Rachel was blaming herself. She was no longer able to hold back the dam of tears, and broke down. Santana immediately climbed into her girlfriend's bed next to her and took her in her arms and held her tightly, whispering soft reassurances to her lover until she fell asleep. She carefully detached herself from the sleeping girl and quietly made her way downstairs to find Kara cooking in the kitchen.

"I wouldn't bother making lunch for Rachel right now, she cried herself to sleep," Santana told the older woman announcing her presence. Kara turned around quickly with a concerned look in her eyes.

"Again? I thought she would be a little more at ease once she got home," Kara said, even though she knew that wouldn't have been true. It was just the mother in her hoping that everything would be okay for her daughter.

"Yeah, I think you should make an appointment with Dr. Cordell soon. She's blaming herself for everything," She suggested leaning against the counter top as Kara still busied herself with stuff around the kitchen.

"Already ahead of you, I called Jill and she actually wanted to see her today but I thought it would be too much with just getting back from the hospital, so she going to make a house call tomorrow," She explained, as she continued to make the soup she planned to give the girls for lunch. Even though Rachel was asleep now she was sure she would be hungry when she woke up and she was sure her stomach would thank her for something better then hospital food.

"I can't believe she's willing to make a house call, I didn't think anyone did that anymore," Santana inquired with a raised eyebrow. Kara smiled at her.

"No one really does, but because Jill and I are such good friends and because of everything Rachel has been through she's more than willing to meet Rachel here so she doesn't have to move around too much yet," Santana nodded at the mothers explanation, moving to help her prepare the meal in any way she could.

"Kara?" She asked after a few moments of silence had passed between them.

"Hmm?" was the answer she got, letting the teen know she had heard her and was listening.

"What's going to happen with this trial? What are they going to expect out of Rachel?" The middle aged brunette stopped what she was doing and turned towards her young daughter's girlfriend with a heavy sigh.

"If Dr. Cordell finds her mentally capable of handling the stress of a trial they will call her to testify in court. Rachel's eighteen so the court will see her as an adult and treat her as any other adult victim. It's very rare an adult victim will be allowed to testify outside of the courtroom," Kara explained patiently understanding all the underlying questions Santana wanted to ask but didn't know how.

"But why? They have all this evidence against him; can't they just use that without putting her through that torture?" Santana practically pleaded.

"It's not that simple sweetheart. A defendant has a right to face his accuser in court, if the ADA doesn't call her up to the stand I guarantee the DA will," She sighed sadly. She didn't like the thought of Rachel going through that anymore then Santana did, but she also knew this could give Rachel back some of the control he took from her. To finally be able to stand up to him and for once win against him.

"But isn't the DA going to question her even if our side calls her up," She was honestly trying to understand all of this. She just wanted to be sure she knew what was coming so she could be there for Rachel and know what was best for her girlfriend.

"Yes, that correct, but legally it's better if the ADA does it. We don't want them to think they have any control in this, that it all belongs to us," Santana nodded still not completely sure but she understood enough to be content with for now.

"What if she can't handle it? What if this breaks her for good?" She asked her voice full of fear. She already felt like the small brunette was on the edge, she just didn't want to lose her.

"She's stronger then you're giving her credit for," She started, Santana went to interrupt her but Kara stopped her.

"Uh, uh let me finish. I know you believe in her, and I know she is fragile right now but this will give Rachel a chance to finally fight back and for the first time in her life win against him," She explained gently. Santana found herself nodding, she never thought of it that way. This could be a very liberating experience for Rachel even if she doesn't realize it herself until after it's all over.

"But if for some reason Jill thinks this trial will do more harm to her then good. Then it may be allowed for her to give video testimony, but that is very unlikely. As I said Rachel is a lot stronger then how the rest of us see her, she's even stronger then she knows herself," with that Kara went back to cooking and Santana stood there thoughtfully. This was going to be a rocky journey for Rachel no matter how it ends up playing out, and she was going to be there to let her know she believed in her the whole way.

* * *

><p>The next day Rachel was doing her makeup work in her room when she heard the doorbell ring. She didn't think much of it, Santana had gone to Brittany's to help the tall blonde with some school stuff since Rachel wasn't up to tutoring the dancer like she normally would on Sunday's. If it was one of her other friends who had come to visit her she was sure Kara or Tim, who were both home, would send them up to her room. That's when she heard the knock on her door, she sighed. She really had hoped she would have a few hours to herself to get the monster amount of overdue work done so she didn't fall to far behind. She already was going to have a meeting with Figgins about how many absences she had stacked up, she needed to make up as much work as she could before then to prove to him she would be able to catch up.<p>

"Come in," She called to the person on the other side of her door. Soon in opened to reveal the last person she expect or wanted to see right now, her psychiatrist Dr. Jillian Cordell.

"Dr. Cordell!" She exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" She asked, she thought she had a little time until their next session. She honestly didn't want to talk to anyone about this; she barely even wanted to talk to Santana.

"Well I thought with everything going on, it would be better to talk sooner rather than later," the older woman informed cutting right to the chase. Rachel took in a long deep breath; she didn't think she had the stability to handle this right now.

"You know just because we're not in the office doesn't change anything. Actually the fact that we're in your room should give you more control. We will talk about anything you want and nothing you don't want to," She assured. She always started her sessions off like that especially with Rachel, who thought she owed everyone in the world an explanation to how she was feeling, when in fact the only person she owed that to was herself.

Rachel left a little better with the semi familiar speech. Now knowing that this situation was like any other to Dr. Cordell, everything could be at Rachel's pace.

"I don't know what to tell you Dr. Cordell. I screwed up, I didn't think and because of that I hurt everyone I loved and could have gotten myself killed," Rachel said as of that was the obvious answer. She had made up her mind despite countless assurances from her loved ones they didn't blame her. In her head she was at fault and she was assuming nothing could change her mind about that.

"Why do you think you went to meet him Rachel?" Jill asked, keeping her voice controlled and neutral for now.

"Because I wanted to protect Santana, I didn't want what happened to Tony or worse to happen to her," Rachel said, because that's all she could think about the whole time - keeping Santana safe, it didn't matter what happened to her as long as her beautiful girlfriend wasn't harmed.

"Do you think there could be another reason?" She asked carefully. Rachel looked at her confused, her brow furrowing together as she tried to get what angle Dr. Cordell was trying to get at.

"What other reason could there be? Do really you think I would have gone back to that man if I thought I had a choice?" She screamed; offended at what she thought the woman was trying to insinuate.

"That man is still your father and I know you still love him even after everything he has put you through, for five years of your life he is all you knew. He has known you since you were born and he knows exactly how to get under your skin and make you do stuff you don't want to do," She explained fiercely, trying to convey that she was on her side. That she wasn't trying to say this was her fault, in fact she was trying to prove the exact opposite. Rachel looked at her strangely, still not completely following.

"Are you trying to say I have some form of Stockholm syndrome?" She asked nervously.

"In a way I suppose you do. You have a bond with him and though you are learning to break that loyalty you still have the father daughter bond. He knew threatening the very thing that was helping you break that loyalty would bring you to him, because you put the people you love before yourself. It's how you are," Jill continued gently sitting on the bed next to the struggling diva. She softly closed the history book in front of her and moved it away bringing the brunettes chin up so that that their eyes would meet.

"But I should have just brought the address to the police. I could have gotten him arrested without all this happening," Rachel cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. She wondered briefly if there would ever be a day she could get by without crying.

"Sometimes the mind can't comprehend common sense when it's under so much emotional distress," Jill explained in a professional tone that she knew Rachel would respond well to. Rachel respected professionals who strived at what they did best.

"So, you're saying I had no control over my actions?" She asked still trying to put the pieces together but getting there little by little.

"What I'm trying to say is that it's not your fault. You were manipulated, threatened and tortured, he is the only one of fault for any of this," Dr. Cordell told her bring the petite shoulder a gentle squeeze. Rachel nodded, the guilt still hasn't gone away and she guessed that would take a while, but at least she had a better understanding as to why she made the decision she did.

The session went on for the remaining twenty minutes they had left. Rachel opened up about some of the stuff her father put her through and the things he had said to her, but not all of it. Jill knew she couldn't push her to hard yet; she needed to let the girl breathe and come to her in her own time, because honestly the diva probably hasn't even let herself think about what she won't talk about.

"What about the trial? I don't think I can face him again?" Rachel asked just as Jill was about to end the session. The psychiatrist sighed sadly.

"You are an extremely strong girl Rachel. I know you can do this, and when you get up on that stand, he won't be able to hide from the truth anymore, you will have the control this time not him. I won't lie, it won't be easy, but you will have everyone you love behind you and once it's over you'll be able to free yourself from him," Rachel nodded hesitantly at the older woman's encouragement. She was still honestly terrified but this was a way for her to keep him away from not only herself but the people she loved. She now had a new vigor to put this man behind bars.

"I'll see you next week Rachel, if you need anything before then don't hesitate to call me, no matter what the time," She emphasized the last bit before leaving Rachel to process all the new information.

* * *

><p>A couple days went by and Rachel continued to process the information given to her by Dr. Cordell. She wanted to believe everything the psychiatrist had told her, but she couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and that she had let Santana and everyone she loved down.<p>

Santana had been watching her girlfriend like a hawk since the session and was getting more and more concerned as Rachel continued to refuse to speak about it. Normally she would tone down that concern by telling herself Rachel just needs space and this is something she just needs to keep to herself, but in a way this impacted their relationship and with each passing day that Rachel kept her mouth shut Santana found herself driving herself crazy. She wasn't sleeping well and though she was over that cold, she felt as worse than when she actually had it. She was so scared that Rachel was going to turn into herself so much that she was going to push everyone away, but with all this worry she keeps forgetting to take care of herself.

She didn't see that she was worrying her parents and Rachel. When Rachel asked her if she was okay she brushed her off and said she was fine and then immediately asked if she had remembered to take her medication. She wasn't paying attention in class because all she would do is stare up at the clock and count down until she was able to leave and see Rachel again.

She walked into Rachel's room after a gruelling Cheerio's practice, dropped her and Rachel's homework on the desk before flopping onto her girlfriends bed and laying her head in the petite girls lap. Rachel immediately responded by running her fingers through raven locks and smiling at the moan of pleasure she gained from the action.

"You okay sweetie?" She asked the same question she had been asking for past few days.

"I'm fine," Santana response came automatically. Moving so that she could look up at the brown eyes staring down at her while keeping her head in the comfortable lap. She gasped in surprise at how much worry she saw in those chocolate hues she loved so much. She immediately interrupted them as something was wrong with Rachel.

"What's wrong? Did something happen today?" She asked in a hurry moving to sit up, but Rachel stopped her from doing so and kept the raven head in her lap.

"Nothing's wrong with me, I'm just worried about you," Rachel confessed as she continued massage Santana's scalp.

"Worried about me? Why? I'm not the one who just got out of the hospital babe," Santana asked confused, Rachel had too much going on to be worried about her.

"You just seem like your hanging on by a very thin thread. I can tell you're not sleeping, Quinn told me you're not focusing in school and that you're barely eating at lunch. When I try to ask you what's wrong you clam up," Rachel told her everything she had observed over the past couple days. This time Santana did move out of the singers lap and glared at her.

"Well I can say the same thing about you. Anytime I ask if you want to talk you change the subject," Santana argued getting off the bed to pace the bedroom. Rachel didn't like how defensive her girlfriend was getting so quickly.

"Don't make this about me. Honey, you're not taking care of yourself," She argued back, sitting up more properly.

"I am taking care of myself, I'm just worried about you because you won't talk to me," She yelled letting her frustration at not being able to talk with her girlfriend out. Rachel closed her eyes to keep herself calm and took in a deep breath.

"You're not taking care of yourself and you know it. Don't use me as an excuse, it okay to be upset about all this. It affects you to and you can shout and cry about it but please don't fall into herself," Rachel pleaded.

"Like you're not doing just that," Santana shouted back. Rachel stiffened this argument seemed very familiar to her and it ended with Tony getting run over by a car.

"Santana think about what you're saying. I'm processing everything that has happened and what I talked about with Dr. Cordell. I want to talk to you but I feel like I'm just going to add more stress onto you by doing so. I can't be the one to destroy you," She said trying desperately to get Santana to understand, she just wanted what was best for her. If all of this was causing her to become unhealthy then it just wasn't worth bothering her with it.

"Worrying about me is what nearly got you killed Rachel," Santana snapped. Rachel felt like she had been slapped. Santana promised this wouldn't turn into fight but that's exactly what it had turned into.

"You promised me you didn't blame me," Rachel whimpered moving out of bed.

She was going to leave the room and try let herself and Santana calm down, when she felt a hand grip her arm. She stiffened in fear, flashbacks rushing back of every beating and how they always began with him grabbing her arm. Her breathing became rapid and she closed her eyes tightly waiting to the harsh strike she knew deep down would never come.

Santana felt sick with herself. She couldn't believe she grabbed her girlfriend like that when she knew what it could do to Rachel's mental state. She quickly let go as soon as she realized what she had done. Rachel's breathing slowly returned to normal once the hand was removed and she carefully opened her eyes to breathe a sigh of relief when she realized she was home and safe.

"Rachel I'm so sor. . ." Santana tried to apologize but Rachel held up her hand and stopped her.

"Don't Santana, I know you didn't mean to scare me and that you would never hit me. Mistake's happen and you didn't actually hurt me, so you don't have to apologize," She said her voice monotone and stiff. She really wasn't mad at Santana for grabbing her, but she was hurt that Santana seemingly lied to her about not blaming her for what had happened. She just wanted to get out of there and before either of them said something they regretted.

"Please baby, just talk to me, please," The Latina begged, sensing the change between them.

"How can I talk to you when you won't talk to me? You promised me you didn't blame me, but obviously that was a lie," Rachel scoffed running her fingers through her own thick brown hair.

"I didn't lie about that Rachel. I don't blame you, I just want you to stop trying to protect me. I'm not the one who needs protecting you are," She argued, she was trying extremely hard to not break down and prove her girlfriend right that she was on the edge. Rachel needed her to be the strong one and she wasn't going to let her down.

"Why can't you just admit that sometimes you need help as well. I love you Santana, I will do anything for you. It's killing me to see you falling apart like this, over me no less and you won't let me help you. Why can't you just trust me?" She asked through tears her voice going up a few octaves as she tried to regain control.

"I do trust you what makes you think I don't?" She asked confused. Rachel tried in vain to try to wipe away her tears.

"You won't let me in, you're putting up a wall just like you did before we even became friends. For this to work I need you to admit when something is bothering you, even when it's me," Rachel explained to her slowly watching the taller girls reaction carefully. She was obviously having an inner debate with herself and she honestly couldn't predict what the outcome would be and that's what scared her. Before all this she was able to read Santana like a book and now she didn't know how to get through to the girl.

"All I can think is that I'm losing you and it's all my fault," The singer cried sinking down into the chair by her desk, she was beginning to feel the exhaustion from doing more then she had in over a week. Santana seemed to snap out of her silent argument with herself and rushed over to kneel in front of her fatigued girlfriend.

"Baby, look at me," She demanded gently. Rachel hesitantly looked up and met tired dark eyes.

"You are not going to lose me. I just need to focus on you right now, I can't focus on myself when you're in so much pain," Santana tried explaining pushing some stray brown locks behind the diva's ear. Rachel began shaking her head while biting her lip.

"You don't get it San, you mean everything to me and you're the only reason I am not falling apart. I need you, all of you even the vulnerable side because until I know you're okay I can't be okay," Santana continued to look at her confused and Rachel sighed. She thought she explained herself well enough but the cheerleader still wasn't getting it.

"I need to get out of this house for a while, why don't you stay here and think. I'll be back in a little while," Rachel said as she grabbed her phone and texted someone then moved to grab her coat.

"Wait you can't leave, you're still recovering," The Latina protested. Terrified by the fact that Rachel wanted to be away from her, but she was also concerned for the girls health she's only been out of the hospital for a few days.

"Don't you remember your dad saying I could get out for a little bit as long as I stayed warm and I'm with someone," She explained and Santana nodded remembering the conversation as Rachel phone beeped. The diva read the text and then looked back up to her girlfriend. "I texted Quinn and she's on her way to pick me up. Kara is downstairs maybe it would be better if you talked to her, since you can't seem to talk to me," and with that said Rachel was out the door and Santana was left standing in the middle of her girlfriends room wondering what the hell just happened.

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><p>Rachel had Quinn drop her off at her girlfriend house. After dodging several question from the confused and concerned blonde, she was finally able to leave the car.<p>

"If you need a ride home just text me, though I'm sure Maria will give you a ride after she finishes chewing you out for being out of bed," Quinn told her with a small smile. Rachel smiled back.

"I will, and if she yells at me for being out of bed then I will just blame her husband because he is the one who told me I could get out for a little while," She replied laughing when Quinn shook her head, she waited until Maria had let Rachel in and then pulled out of the driveway.

Maria Lopez ushered her daughter girlfriend into the kitchen and despite the girls protest immediately started to heat up some soup for her.

"What on earth are you doing out of bed Rachel? You're supposed to be resting for another week at least," The mother scolded placing the hot bowl in front of the singer once it was finished. Rachel smiled at the concerned tone in her voice, she never thought she would have so many people who cared about her.

"Armando said I could get out as long as someone was with me and I kept warm," She defended herself. The older woman shook her head.

"He met you could go out to the back yard for some fresh air Rachel, not a fourteen minute trip from your house. That's by car by the way and you better not have walked here young lady," Maria continued to scold. Rachel let herself chuckle slightly, yeah she really loved having people care about her even when that meant they scolded her.

"I didn't walk I promise, Quinn drove me," She assured, Maria nodded feeling a bit more at ease. "And he said nothing about getting out being confined to the back yard, so I still blame him for not being clear enough," She reasoned with a sly smile which only caused her girlfriends mother to shake her head while smiling fondly.

"Does Kara or Tim know you're here?" She asked just as Rachel phone went off. She looked at it and noticed it was from Kara. She apologized and put it on speaker.

"Rachel Barbra Berry! Where are you?" The frantic voice of Kara yelled through the speakers. She winced at the tone and looked sheepishly at a disapproving Maria.

"I'm at the Lopez's with Maria," She answered, utterly aware that Santana was probably right next to her foster mother listening in. She didn't want Santana to be hurt by the admission but she also didn't want to lie either.

"You are not supposed to be out of this house," Kara continued to reprimand through the phone.

"I'm sorry I misunderstood what Armando meant about being able to get out for a bit. I just needed to get away and talk to someone fresh," Rachel confessed, and she totally caught the flattered smile that Maria let slip as she realized she chose to come to her.

"Alright Rach, I know you and Santana had a fight. I heard the yelling from downstairs, as long as you stay at the Lopez's you can stay and talk what you need to out with Maria. I'm going to have a talk with Santana and hopefully between the four of us we can get things fixed and restore the peace," Kara said with a sigh, giving in. She knew Maria would be able to take care of Rachel and her health would be fine there. They needed to get these two girls to open up to one another. Kara and Maria were just the mothers to make it happen.

After Rachel had hung up, she looked up to Maria with a guilty smile. The older woman couldn't stop herself from laughing even though she didn't approve of Rachel just leaving her house like that after everything had happened.

"What was the fight about pequeña estrella?" Maria asked her nurturing side coming out easily with her daughter's girlfriend.

"Santana always calls me estrella," Rachel said a sob burning in her throat. The adrenaline from the fight wearing off and the reality of things they said to each other and did catching up with her.

"My daughter knows a star when she sees one, and it's even more special to her because you've allowed her to call you her star," The Latina woman said sweetly, rubbing the young girls back in comforting circle.

"I just hope she allows me to continue being her star," Rachel said defeated as if she was already convinced that Santana would take her back after walking out on her like that.

"Rachel, listen to me very carefully okay," Maria started gently. "I know my daughter, and I have never seen as happy as she is when she's with you. Before you she was either always angry or depressed. You helped her realize she was allowed to be happy with the person she loved the most, not matter how society views it. She loves you," She explained her voice strong and confident in what she was saying.

"How can she be happy with me though? All I've brought it pain, my past continues to hurt her every day. How is her carrying my baggage fair to her?" She asked, she had wondered and struggled with this from the moment Santana confessed to loving her.

"Carrying each other's baggage is part of being in a relationship. You guys work because you accept each other's past. What happened to you does hurt her because of how much pain it has left you in, but that's not all she sees when she looks at you. She's willing to hold you and soothe you through every nightmare because she knows you're more than what he did to you," Rachel listened and found herself nodding. Santana has told her these things before but hearing it from the older woman makes it more believable to her, because she knew she wasn't just telling her what she wanted to hear she was being completely honest with her.

"Tell me about the fight," Maria stated again, she knew what she had just heard from Rachel would help with understanding whatever the fight was about.

"I'm sure you noticed Santana has been not yourself lately," Rachel said carefully, she didn't want to imply that she wasn't taking care of herself because she didn't want to worry the mother too much.

"Yes, I know. She's been having a very hard time sleeping and isn't eating very well. I know she's running herself into the ground, so you don't have to sugar coat it for me," Maria told her catching that Rachel was trying to tone down her concern so that she wouldn't freak her out. Rachel nodded, relieved that she didn't have to talk in circles.

"Well I voiced my concern to her today and she got kind of defensive. She wouldn't talk to me about what she was feeling and said that she needs to worry about me and not herself. I told her she didn't trust me and I felt like I was going to lose her and it would be all my fault. I also think she lied to me about blaming me for taking off," Rachel explained the best she could. Maria nodded thoughtfully.

"Rachel, you of all people should know that Santana has a very hard time expressing her own feelings. It's not about trusting because I honestly believe she trust you more than almost everyone in this world. She has always felt she needs to take on the world for the people she loves," over Santana's eighteen years of life she had always showed a fierce protectiveness for those she cared about.

She tried to take on her father's old boss when he tried to tell him he couldn't take Christmas off when he had worked every holiday before that and covered for everyone, at the age of eight. When she was five she pushed Noah Puckerman into the sand for making fun of Brittany, but when she was made fun of for being Hispanic by a racist classmate in the fifth grade, she bottled up all her feeling and tried to handle it herself until it all just blew up in her face.

"I know it's hard for her, but it's hard for me to. She wants me to talk about everything my dad did with her but she doesn't open up to me when she's this hurt. I just want to be there for her, I need to know she's going to be okay, she just doesn't understand if she isn't okay then I can't be either," Rachel said in frustration. "I'm scared something going to happen to her."

"I don't think she's even realizing what she's doing to herself or what it is doing to you," Maria observed, her daughter had a problem with not being able to see past her limits when she thought all her focus needed to be on one thing.

"I know she doesn't and even though I need her to talk to me, I'm mad at myself for trying to force her to talk when she's obviously not ready," Rachel slumped in her seat. Maria shook her head and turned the petite brunette in her chair to face her.

"Oh she's ready to talk, she just doesn't know it yet," She stated with a small smirk. "It's not bad that you pushed her, she needs that push when she's this drawn into herself she always has. It's just usually most people are too afraid of her reaction that they don't give her that push. That my dear is assures me that you are the most amazing girl for my daughter," Maria's praise made Rachel blush. She felt ecstatic to have that kind of approval from the woman.

"Do you think she'll want to talk to me even after I walked out like that? Plus I still think even though she told me she didn't lie, that she blames me for going to my dad," Rachel asked drying her tears trying to be the strong one now and work out a plan for this conversation, because she wouldn't be Rachel Berry if she didn't have a well thought out plan. She wished she had time to make a power point but she would have to do with just working it out in her mind.

"Oh sweetie of course she will talk to you. You have that girl so whipped it isn't even funny," Maria joked which caused Rachel to giggle a little.

"She didn't lie to you either, she doesn't blame you. She was angry at first but Kara explained some stuff to her and she became less angry and then we found you and I think all her anger just went away because she was so relieved at having you back she didn't want to waste any time being angry with you. Instead she directed that anger to the person who deserves it and that Hiram Berry," Rachel thought about it for a moment and honestly even after her talk with Dr. Cordell she couldn't shake the last bit of feeling of guilt. Now she was wondering if she was trying to twist things Santana said so that she could justify those feelings, because if Santana was angry at her then those feelings still had a reason to be there.

"I guess you're right. Do you think maybe you could drive me home so that I could talk to her?" She asked with her famous pout.

"Of course pequeña estrella," Maria agreed tapping the Jewish girls nose before going to find her car keys and call Kara to let her know they were on their way back to the house.

* * *

><p>Santana sat there nervously her leg shaking in a habit she had developed as Kara hung up the phone. They had just learned that Rachel was dropped off at Santana's house to talk to her mother. The Latina didn't know whether she should feel hurt or relieved. When Kara called her down frantic asking her where Rachel was going and yelling that she wasn't actually meant to leave the house, she was honestly terrified something was going to happen to her again. In the end Santana decided to be relieved, because if Rachel needed someone new to talk to she was glad it was her mother and this way she knew her diva was safe. Kara looked at her with an expectant gaze. The cheerleader raised an eyebrow having no idea what the older woman was waiting for.<p>

"You don't need to tell me what the fight was about, neither of you were exactly quiet. The only reason I didn't run up there was because I wanted to let you both work it out yourselves, but obviously that didn't work. So talk to me, start anywhere you want," Kara started the conversation for her. Santana sighed and rolled her eyes, she seriously wasn't good at this type of thing.

"You said you heard. Rachel thinks I'm falling apart and wants me to talk to her about it, but obviously she's forgotten that she almost died a little over a week ago," Santana screamed in frustration; already working herself up to the point of the yelling place.

"Okay first you need to admit that you are falling apart. We can all see it, it's just Rachel is the only one who had the balls enough to confront you about it," Kara stated boldly, causing Santana to come back and Snix to go away as she was rendered speechless.

"Okay whatever; I'm having a bit of a rough time dealing. It's not a big deal I can handle it," Santana argued after a few moments of stunned silence.

"You're right Santana you can handle it, but not alone. You have people who love and care about you that want to help you and Rachel is right at the top of that list," Kara tried to explain calmly.

"But she already has so much to deal with already. She doesn't need to add worrying about me on top of that," Santana explained her own reasoning on the situation and Kara nodded understanding and she knew exactly how to fix it.

"Then you have to talk to her," She said simply. Santana's head shot up clearly confused.

"What?"

"The only way she's not going to worry about you, is if you talk to her and be completely honest. As long as you let her know what's going on inside you, then she will at least have some peace in knowing you're not bottling all inside. She will feel better if she's able to help you, because let's face it, Rachel was born with a heart that just wants to take care of everyone, especially her girlfriend," Kara saw understanding start to gleam in Santana's eyes as she began to realize that keeping Rachel in the dark was actually what was hurting her.

"Now I know talking about your feelings isn't something you're good at. . ." Kara started but Santana cut her off.

"I'll be honest opening up to people scares the hell out of me, but Rachel's different. I honestly think I can talk to her about anything," Santana confessed, something she hadn't even realized herself until now.

"Then do it. I think both of you will feel a lot better once you do," Kara said with a smile. Santana smiled back at the older woman who had become like a second mother. She was so grateful for this woman, who took her girlfriend in with only knowing her from a singing competition that her son was also featured in. She doesn't know where either she or Rachel would be without her.

Kara's phone rang and she answered it leaving Santana to her thoughts on how she was going to approach Rachel with this. Sure she had confidence that she would be able to talk to Rachel about her feelings, but this was still new to her and it terrified her. Before she knew it Kara was off the phone and looking at her with a warm smile.

"That was your mother. She's driving Rachel back to the house right now," Kara informed her. Santana took in a deep breath; it was time for this conversation to finally happen.


	27. Chapter 27

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 27

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94!

Annon: I do believe you that you asked your teacher, it would be hypocritical of me not to because I am trusting you believe me as well. I see your point completely and it a lot of situation that could be true. Real world situations don't always work out that way, the court could still order the victim to testify even against the therapist advice (I have talked to a social worker, a cop and a lawyer though the last I only got to talk to once about this). My point is we are both right because there is no clean cut answer to this every case is different with it's own set of problems and because this is a story I am going with my original plan. I want to thank you for your concern and it has allowed me to learn a lot. I hope I have not ruined the story for you, I'm not claiming to be an expert and I do as much research as I can but that doesn't always work completely. This is the last time I will address this issue through an authors note, please PM me with any further concerns. I also hope you know I really appreciate your criticism I believe it is helping me become a better writer.

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><p>Santana paced her girlfriend's living room as she nervously waited for her to arrive. Yes, she honestly believed that she could talk to Rachel about anything, but she was still terrified about opening up about her feelings. She didn't know how and she wasn't sure how Rachel would take what she's been feeling. She honestly didn't even know what she was feeling, so many mixed emotions have been running through her over the past few months and they have only seemed to intensify with the events over the past week.<p>

She paused when she heard a car pull outside the suburban home. A car door opened and shut and before she knew it the front door had opened and a shy and just as nervous Rachel was standing in front of her; shuffling her feet as her bright brown eyes kept darting from the floor, to Santana and then back to the floor.

"Hey," Rachel greeted softly, as if she was scared about how Santana would react to her presence.

"Hey," Santana said back her voice just as scared. Kara rolled her eyes at the two teenagers from where she was watching them.

"Why don't you both go up to Rachel's room and talk. I'll come and check on you guys in a little while," Kara urged motioning the girls towards the stairs. They nodded and hesitantly made their way up to Rachel's room. Once there Rachel sat Indian style on her bed while Santana sat on Rachel's desk chair. The abnormal separation made both their shoulder's sink a little more, both wanted to sit near each other but neither seemed to have the courage to do that just yet.

"So. . . Where do you want to start?" Rachel asked her eyes never looking up from her fingers that were playing with her blanket. Santana sighed; it shouldn't be this hard for them to talk to each other.

"Well why don't we start with this you thinking I blame you shit," Santana stated simply, at least with this subject she knew how she felt and it wasn't completely focused on her, and honestly it was bothering her that the diva could believe that she would lie to her. Rachel sighed, she should have guessed that Santana wouldn't immediately jump into a conversation about her deeper feelings but at least she was making an attempt by being here.

"I shouldn't have said you lied to me. I believe you now, I'm just. . ." Rachel stopped unsure how to say what she's been trying to work through by herself.

"Just what?" Santana urged.

"I just, even after my talk with Dr. Cordell I can't seem to stop blaming myself," She confessed keeping her head hung low and her voice in a whisper. Santana sighed, she knew Rachel blamed herself; the diva wasn't exactly hiding that fact. This is what she hoped the talk with Dr. Cordell would help with.

"I don't know what was said between you and Dr. Cordell and I'm sure she explained everything in that over complicated way that usually helps get through that highly articulate brain of yours," She said with a smile, which caused Rachel to smile. Seeing those naturally pouty lips curve upward always made her heart flutter.

"But I know you well enough to know it takes some time for you to process information like that. No matter how hard you try to hide it, I know you beat yourself up over every little thing that goes wrong. Yes, you went to your dad when you could have gone to the police, but you weren't in the right state of mind to make the right decision. I understand that now, I won't lie about being angry with you at first but then I saw you and blame and anger just seemed so petty when I was lucky enough to get you back alive," Santana speech made Rachel tear up a bit. She hated that she caused her any pain and that she had made her angry pained her as well, but she understood what she was trying to say. She couldn't hold on to the blame because it would just waste the time they had together and it was his fault more than anyone else's.

"Now you blaming yourself, we'll work through that together. I'm pretty sure it's normal, just know I don't blame you and nobody else does. We forgive you if that what you need to move on, now you just need to forgive yourself. I'll do whatever I can to help you do that," She said sincerely. She knew if she was in Rachel's place she would be feeling extremely guilty, so she wasn't going to sit there and try to tell her she needs to just stop blaming herself cold turkey. She knew it was going to be a process and she would help her through it any way she can.

"So are we good with that," the cheerleader asked. Rachel nodded, she felt a little better with knowing she was going to have support and help to stop blaming herself.

"Alright. . ." Santana said awkwardly, unsure on how to proceed from here. She knew they were now going to end up talking about her feelings and she still couldn't help but be terrified by that.

"I know it's difficult to talk about your own feelings San. I know you hide behind this mask that nothing can break you and you think you need to protect everyone. . ." Rachel started for her; she knew her girlfriend needed her to take the lead on this conversation.

"Not true, I only feel the need to protect certain people who deserve it," Santana stated almost defiantly. Rachel rolled her eyes and ignored the little outburst.

"I just want you to be able to talk to me when your emotions become too much, whether they're happy feelings, sad feelings or even angry feelings. You need someone to confide in, and as your girlfriend, the girl I hope you want to spend the rest of your life with, I truly hoped and still hope that I could be that person," Rachel confessed to what was something she always wanted in this relationship. She had hoped from the beginning that Santana would be able to come to her with her own problems and not just think of her as too fragile to deal with them as well.

"But I have talked to you; I've talked to you about stuff I've never talked about with anyone. Just right now you don't need to worry about dealing with my feelings on top of your own," Santana counter argued. Even though she knew she was going to end up talking about her feelings by the end of this conversation she wanted Rachel to understand why she was so resistant to the idea to begin with.

"You've told me things yes, but you have never really opened up about your feelings. You tell me what's wrong, have a good cry get a hug and kiss from me and then act as if nothing happened," Rachel argued, even when Santana was upset about her abuela not accepting her, she couldn't seem to talk it out with Rachel.

"But that's all I need, I kiss from you always makes everything better," Santana said in an almost flirty way but that only seemed to anger Rachel as her nostrils flared a little and she huffed.

"You just bottle it up again after you cry and let it build up again until you break down again. I'm worried that one day a kiss just won't be enough to make it better and I'll lose you," Rachel told her the fear evident in her voice causing the playful smirk to wipe of Santana's face. She got up from her chair and walked over and with a little hesitance sat next to her girlfriend on her bed.

"You listen to me right now Rachel Barbra Berry, you are not losing me and I am not losing you. We are going to survive this together," She told her softly slowly moving to lace her fingers with Rachel. She smiled when Rachel allowed her hands to fit together, just the way they should be.

"I didn't understand how much keeping my feelings in is affecting you, but now that I think about it, I do understand. When you keep your pain locked inside, all I want to do is know what's wrong, hold you and try to make it better. I worry myself until I'm physically sick sometimes because I just don't know if you're going to be okay. I didn't realize 'till now that the same goes for you with me. We are in a relationship and not your typical high school lust driven relationship. A real one with real feelings that we want to make last for the rest of our lives, I shouldn't make the woman I love worry that way. I want to be honest and open with you but I don't know how," Santana said tearing down her walls fully for the first time in her life with someone who wasn't her mother. Rachel smiled at her girlfriend with a smile that could only be described as proud.

"This is a really great start sweetie," the diva encouraged, squeezing the strong yet delicate hand in her own. "All I want is to know that you're going to be okay, I don't want to put you into a situation where you're uncomfortable," Santana squeezed the small hand back and then in a rare display of submission she maneuvered herself so that she was being held by the smaller girl.

Rachel smiled and wrapped her arms around the tanned body and allowed the cheerleader to nuzzle into her body. The trust the Santana was giving over to her right now spoke more than words ever could. Santana very rarely gave over this kind of control and Rachel felt honored and loved that Santana showed this kind of trust in her.

"Can you talk now or are you still not ready?" Rachel asked after a few minutes of just playing with the raven hair. "We can wait for whenever you feel like you can handle it," She offered leaning down and kissing the girls temple. Santana smiled at the action and looked up at her small girlfriend.

"It's never going to be easy for me, but it's something I need to do for both you and myself," She said her truthfully.

She contemplated moving out of the diva's arms but quickly decided against the idea; she found that she liked the feeling of her girlfriends arms wrapped around her. It felt as if they were holding her together and keeping her secure. Rachel remained completely silent and let Santana take the lead on this one. She wanted to give her as much time as she needed.

"I guess I'm just. . ." She started and then stopped when she couldn't think of a word to describe how she felt. "Scared," She finished, when she could finally put her thoughts together.

"I don't blame you for anything, what-so-ever," She stressed again so that there was absolutely no confusion with what she was about to say. "But I'm terrified that every time I'm not with you something is going to happen to you. I have nightmares about not being able to get to you in time and I'm scared that one day those nightmares are going to come true," Rachel did everything in her power to keep from crying. It was her turn to be strong for her girlfriend and she wasn't going to let her down.

"Oh baby, I'm right here and I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. I'm going to do everything to make sure those nightmares never come true. I never want to put you or anyone I love through that," Rachel tried to reassure the girl in her arms, She felt her begin to shake and gently wiped away the tears that were flowing freely down the darks girls cheeks.

"I know, but it doesn't stop me from worrying," She said solemnly. Rachel sighed and pulled the Latina a little closer.

"Anything else?" She asked knowing it was best to move on for right now.

"I'm worried about you emotionally," She told her, though it wasn't that big of a surprise to Rachel. Everyone was worried about her emotionally; of course Santana would be right at the top of that list.

"I just don't know how much more you can take before you actually break," Santana said reaching up and caressed the diva's cheek with her thumb.

"I'm getting help 'Tana. Dr. Cordell is helping me I promise, sometimes I just need a little time to process everything before I talk about it with you," Rachel told her, hoping this would assure her that she was going to be fine eventually.

"I know sweetheart, you don't even have to discuss everything with me. Those sessions are for you, if you want to tell me of course I will listen but I won't force you to tell me anything but that's not going to stop me from worrying about you," Santana explained, she wanted Rachel to know she didn't have to tell her everything. She understood that there was just some stuff that Rachel couldn't talk to her about.

"I know, usually I want to talk to you about it. I promise I've never felt forced about telling you something, well except maybe the night terrors but all that was understandable and had to come out," Rachel said with a smile to let her know everything was still fine with them on that.

"Have you ever thought about talking to someone as well?" Rachel asked carefully after a few minutes of silence had passed between them. She felt Santana stiffen in her arms and sighed.

"I mean you were able to when you had the eating disorder, why not talk to her again. I would recommend Dr. Cordell but I don't think us seeing the same shrink would help our relationship," the diva teased. Santana let out a soft chuckle and looked up at her girlfriend.

"Probably not," She joked before returning serious again. "If it would make you feel better, I'll talk to my mom about going to see my old shrink. I still see her every now and then for updates but if seeing her regularly again will put your mind at ease, then I'll do it," She compromised, willing to do anything that would help in Rachel's recovery.

"This has to be something you want to do San," Rachel sighed while shaking her head. "I won't force you to go to therapy. This is about you and it won't make me feel any better if I know you're only doing this because of me."

Santana thought about it for a bit. If she was honest with herself she knew she needed professional help just as much as Rachel. This was happening to her just as much as it was Rachel, just in a much less direct way, and if she was really honest with herself she wanted that help because she didn't want to become that depressed person. Rachel and her family didn't deserve that and she didn't deserve that either.

"I'm going to talk to my mom," She said with a gentle smile.

"San don't do this because of me," Rachel began to argue but Santana stopped her.

"I'm not; I'm doing this for me. I don't like feeling out of control Rach, you should know that," She joked with a smirk, which made Rachel chuckle and nod. "I need to regain that control and I need to learn when to ask for help," She brought Rachel down gently by the back of her neck and kissed the diva softly, getting completely lost in the familiarity of each other lips.

"Well I see you two made up," They pulled away and looked over to find Kara standing in the open doorway with a smile. Santana quickly sat up so that she wasn't laying in her girlfriends arms anymore. She may have been okay with Rachel seeing her like that but she definitely not okay with anyone else seeing her like that even if it was only Kara.

"Yea were good," Rachel said smiling at a grinning Santana before kissing her again. Kara shook her head at the teenagers before making her way back downstairs.

* * *

><p>Before Rachel knew it was back in the halls of McKinley High and waiting outside Principle Figgins office for her meeting about her absences to start. Kara was sitting typing away on her phone, most likely to her office to let them know she was going to be late because Figgins didn't understand the meaning of starting a meeting on time. Rachel look outside the little waiting room and saw Santana trying to seem as though she was casually hanging out, talking with Brittany, Quinn and Puck waiting for the first period bell to ring. When Rachel knew all four of them were really just standing guard ready to burst in if it looked as though Figgins was being unfair. She shook her head and laugh a little when the warning bell for first period went off and they all hesitated to go to class. When they glanced her way she gave them that pointed glare that had them scurrying off to class. The diva laughed again at how wrapped around her finger she had that group. Figgins finally got off the phone with the most likely non important call and ushered the mother and daughter into his office.<p>

"Good Morning ladies, I would like to personally welcome you back Ms. Berry and would like to say on behalf of the entire McKinley staff that we are extremely relieved that we are not one student less," He said with that creepy smile of his that had Rachel squirming uncomfortably in her seat. Kara made a face at the man but kept her mouth shut for now.

"Uh thank you Mr. Figgins, I really appriciate it," Rachel said politely, which gained her another creepy smile from the principle. Like seriously did this guy not know how to smile normally?

"Well let's get straight to business, I am sure you are eager to get back to your classes," if it was any other student they would have rolled their eyes and mumbled yea right or something equally sarcastic, but this was Rachel Berry and her nodded her head in agreement with sincere enthusiasm.

"Now Ms. Berry you have missed a total of a little over four weeks, that is over a month," at this Rachel did roll her eyes. Seriously, she knew how long a month was.

"Given your situation and your incredible grade point average we are trying to be as lenient as possible," the principle started as if he had actually rehearsed this speech.

"Sir if I may, I have kept up with all my work since I have been out. Santana has brought home my work after school and delivered it back to the teachers, so I am not behind in any of my classes and have kept my grades at the same level even while being out of school," Rachel stated already on the defensive, she knew this man had a habit of not actually taking into account of what the student was going through. So she knew when he said they were trying to be lenient because of her situation she knew that meant not lenient at all.

"I am aware of that Ms. Berry but a student can only miss a certain number of days before it becomes a problem. I cannot give you special treatment," He said and Rachel rolled her eyes, there's that double standard. She knew if she was one of the football players or Cheerio's sitting here she would be getting off scott free, no questions asked. They brought good publicity to the school, she brought a what the world saw as a tragic story.

"Sir what exactly are you expecting of my daughter?" Kara asked speaking for the first time. Rachel felt her heart flutter at the word daughter. She had heard Kara utter those words about her before, but it had never been to other people. Figgins for his part looked confused by the use of the word, but wisely chose not to comment on it.

"Well I was thinking she could make up the missed days during the summer, that way she doesn't have to repeat her senior year," Rachel felt her heart quicken at the word repeat and felt herself slowly begin to panic. "But that will also mean Ms. Berry will not be able to walk at graduation," and that's all it took for Rachel to go into a mini panic attack and to coax out protective mama bear Kara.

"That is absolutely unacceptable Principle Figgins, my daughter has been through hell and through that hell she had kept up with every bit of work your teachers expected her to do. She deserves to walk across that stage more than anyone in this school. You said you were trying to be understanding and lenient, that doesn't sound very lenient to me. In fact it sound like your trying to punish my daughter for something she had absolutely no control over," Kara yelled, becoming hyper aware of the little singers laboured breathing. She placed a hand on her back to try to help keep her calm.

"Rachel, feel me breathe sweetheart. You're okay, we're going to make this better. Just breathe sweetie," Kara encourage placing Rachel hand on her chest so she could feel her breaths. She smiled when it didn't even take Rachel five minutes to calm down and level the principle with her infamous glare.

"What exactly do you suggest we do about then situation then Mrs. Abrams?" He asked his voice suddenly snappy. Kara smirked at him, she knew she had him under her thumb now.

"Extra credit work in each of her classes to make up for the days she missed," She suggested. Rachel smiled at her foster mother, that was actually genius.

"Mrs. Abrams I am sure you understand I cannot give Ms. Berry any special treatment because of her situation," Figgins tried to argue but Kara eyes had pure fire in them, there was no way this man even stood a chance.

"Just like you didn't give that football player any special treatment when he broke that kids nose who is in the chess club? I am sure the board will love to hear how you're all for no double standards," Kara threatened with a brilliant smile.

Figgins blanched at the threat, he couldn't figure out how this woman who had no connection with the school other than two of her children attended there, know about that. Rachel on the other hand knew exactly how and all she could think was Sue Sylvester was a brilliant spy.

"After thinking about your suggestion Mrs. Abrams I believe your idea is the best course of action considering everything Ms. Berry has been through," Figgins said quickly to cover his ass, putting his hand out for her to shake which she did smugly. He also shook a relieved Rachel's hand before handing her a late pass to go to homeroom with.

"Thank you Kara, I don't think I would have been able to handle not walking out at graduation with everyone else," Rachel said gratefully once they were out of the office. Kara smiled at the young diva and pulled her into a tight hug.

"You're my daughter Rachel and I won't let anyone push you around like the sorry excuse of a principle was trying to do in there," Kara said, Rachel just blushed and smiled. She was still getting use to this having people who will fight for her thing. She always had to fight for herself, it was nice to have people in her corner for once.

"Alright get to class kiddo, I'll see you later tonight. Call me if it becomes too much for you okay? If you don't feel like you can handle the whole day then you don't have to stay," Kara told her seriously. Rachel rolled her eyes but nodded in agreement before hugging the woman and then made her way of to what little was left of her homeroom.

* * *

><p>Santana didn't even try to stop her leg from shaking nervously. She had promised Rachel that she would try to chill out about worrying about her, but this was just too big, this was her girlfriends future and it was in the hand of Figgins the most incompetent principle in the world. As promised though, she talked to her mother who agreed that she should start seeing her old therapist on a regular basis again. She had her first meeting a few days ago and she had to admit that she felt a little bit better after being able to get everything off her chest without the worry that she would upset the person she was talking to.<p>

"Dude seriously chill out, Mrs. A won't let him get away with anything unfair," Puck said, Santana tension rubbing off on him.

"I can't help it Puck, you know the serious double standards Figgins go by. He's been able to get away with almost all of those, what if he ruins her future?" Santana asked voicing her fears over the situation.

"Again Mrs. A won't let that happen and honestly Rachel won't let that happen either. That diva is way too focused on getting into NYADA," Puck reasoned with a smirk. Santana nodded knowing he was right. Thankfully before Santana could get too much into her head again Rachel walked through the door and handed the teacher a late slip before making her way over to the empty seat in front of Puck and next to Santana.

"How'd it go? Do I need to kick his ass?" Santana asked immediately on the defensive. Rachel just smiled at her girlfriends protectiveness.

"No need to kick anyone's ass today San, all I have to do and some extra credit work for each of my classes to make up for the days I missed," She told them calmly. Puck nodded that sounded reasonable to him but judging by the fire in Santana's eyes it didn't sit well with her.

"Seriously? After everything you've been through and are going through they're going to add more to your plate?" The fierce Latina asked in outrage. Rachel giggled a little at her over-reaction.

"Hey I got lucky Figgin's wanted to make me do summer school and not let me walk at graduation," She explained trying to play it off as nonchalant. This only seemed to outrage the cheerleader more.

"What?" She yelled gaining curious and cautious glances from the other students and the teacher.

"Calm down 'Tana, Kara put a stop to that right away. She's actually the one who came up with the extra credit, which I am very okay with. So please let it go," Rachel begged just wanting to be done with it. Santana huffed but gave in.

"Fine as long as you're sure you can handle it," She submitted gaining a smile from Rachel and a whipping motion from Puck. Which gained Puck a punch in the arm. Rachel rolled her eyes at them, things might be really hard right now but at least she had people she loved her and would fight for her.


	28. Chapter 28

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 28

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94! So the last part of this chapter is the first time I ever written a scene like that so please be kind.

* * *

><p>Valentine's Day was only a few days away and Rachel wanted all her plans for her date with Santana to go perfectly. With everything they've been through already and everything they're going to go through with the trial. Rachel thought they deserved a night that was just completely for them. Rachel also knew that Santana would probably have something planned of her own, but she wanted to be the one to plan this out. She wanted to surprise and romance her girlfriend and that was exactly what she planned to do.<p>

On top of Valentine's Day and the trial, regionals were fast approaching as well. Rachel and Quinn had 'I Feel Pretty/Unpretty' down pat, but Rachel being Rachel wouldn't settle for anything less than perfect. So she and Quinn practiced a lot, any little mistake Rachel could find she had to fix. She got a rush from it; the familiarity of performing was a welcomed distraction. So between planning for regionals and planning for Valentine's Day, Rachel barely had time to think about the trial which, for now, was probably for the best.

"Rach, our duet is perfect. I think we've practiced enough," Quinn whined entering her best friend's room and falling onto her bed with a soft grunt. The diva spun around in her chair, where she was doing research on her laptop, and stared at the short haired blonde with an incredulous look.

"You can never practice enough Quinn. Even when you're as good as you and I, over-confidence is your enemy. It will just bring your downfall," the singer scolded with a firm look. The head cheerleader rolled her eyes, this was the Rachel they knew and loved, and even though she could be annoying at times they wouldn't want her any other way.

"But that isn't why I asked you to come over. I need your help," Rachel confessed biting her lip with a nervous look. Quinn sat up, the diva having gained her full attention as she looked at her with a mixture of curiosity and concern.

"Is everything alright?" She asked.

"Everything's fine," Rachel said, quickly putting Quinn's fears to rest. The blonde nodded and gestured for her to continue.

"Well as you know Valentine's Day is coming up and I was wondering if you would help me find the perfect romantic date to take Santana on?" Rachel asked with a hopeful and excited look in her eyes. Quinn smiled and shook her head in amusement.

"Rach, this is Santana we're talking about. Just take her to Breadstix and the girl will think you created the sun," the cheerleader told her truthfully. Santana was never a romantic until she got with Rachel and even though she had found her romantic side, Quinn knew all Rachel had to do was tell Santana she loved her and she would be happy and of course Breadstix would just make Rachel better than a goddess in the Latina's eyes.

"No," Rachel immediately declined. Quinn raised her eyebrow at her, because seriously Santana and Breadstix, it was a no brainer.

"I mean of course I'm going to take her to Breadstix. That was a given from the beginning, she loves that place too much to not take her there," She quickly back tracked, the blonde cheerleader nodded, satisfied with the answer. "I just need to do something more than that. We go to Breadstix all the time, just doing that isn't special enough," Rachel reasoned. She wanted to come up with something romantic, she wanted to show Santana just how special she was to her.

"Okay, think about what San did for your first date together," Quinn prompted; maybe this will get the diva's wheels at least turning. She knew Santana wouldn't want anything extravagant and she knew Rachel knew this has well. This was probably why she asked her for her help so that she would reel in whatever crazy idea she would come up with.

"Well we went to dinner, not at Breadstix. Then we went to see RENT and last we went for a walk in the park and had a moonlight picnic," Rachel recalled with a smile on her face. They have had a few dates since then, and they were all pretty standard dinner and movie. She wanted to do something different for her girl this time.

"Simple, yet thoughtful and romantic," Quinn commented smiling back at Rachel. "That's Santana, she likes simple and we all know behind her badass persona she's a big romantic and she's thoughtful. She knew you would love the musical, even though RENT is kind of a sad play for a first date," Quinn said, Rachel was nodding along with her thoughtfully.

"So Breadstix is a definite. The rest of it I should think of something she would really want to do and it doesn't have to meet the standard that others have set as romantic because to her it will be romantic?" She asked, looking at Quinn with her head cocked to the side asking if she was correct. Quinn stared at her dumbfounded for a moment, well that was one way of putting it, a very Rachel Berry way actually, the blonde thought as she smiled.

"Yes, now let's start brain storming," She said joining Rachel at her laptop. They smiled at each other as they started researching different things Santana loved.

* * *

><p>Santana was pacing in Brittany's room, she was terrible at these sorts of holidays and she honestly didn't even understand why they had these types of holidays. She didn't need a day to tell and show Rachel that she loved her; she had sworn to do that every day for the rest of her life. It seemed important to Rachel though, so she was going to try to make it the best Valentine's Day the diva had ever experienced. Only problem was she was drawing a blank on what to do.<p>

"San you're over thinking this. Rachel just wants you, she doesn't need anything fancy," Brittany tried to reason with her best friend. She knew Rachel was trying to plan something herself and she didn't want Santana going all out for her the way she normally did.

"You're joking right Britt? This is Rachel 'Big Romantic Gesture' Berry, she loves when I go all out for her, and this is our first Valentine's Day together. I mean I don't get the holiday but she's all excited for it and if it makes her happy then I'm going to make it special for her," Santana argued, never having stopped her pacing.

"Didn't Rae say she was planning something for you guys?" She asked. Rachel wanted to do this but it seemed like Santana didn't want to give up control.

"Yeah, I guess, but I still need to do something for her. I can't let her do all the work. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I did nothing for my girl on Valentine's Day?" She asked finally stopping her pacing as she turned to look of the blonde was sat Indian style on her bed.

"I'm not saying do nothing, I just don't think you need to do a big gesture. Rachel wants to be the one to take the lead on this, maybe you should let her," Brittany suggested with a shrug. Santana sighed and sat down on her bed next to the dancer.

"I'm not use to letting someone else take the lead. I feel like I'm neglecting her or something," Santana confessed. Brittany laughed which gained her a glare from her best friend.

"What the hell Britt?" She asked annoyed. Brittany shook her head at her.

"You're over thinking again. You're not neglecting her at all, you're letting her have a chance to plan something romantic for you," Brittany explained patiently. Santana gave her a confused look, so the usually slow blonde continued.

"Alright, how did you feel when you planned and took Rachel's on your guys first date?" She asked with a knowing smile.

"Amazing, I loved knowing I was able to put that smile on her face," Santana told her with a dreamy smile.

"Well I'm sure Rachel would love to have that feeling too," Brittany said with a triumphant smirk. Santana sat completely still for a few moment before a wide smile made its way across her face.

"Yeah, maybe you're right," She said happily and though she would never admit this out loud she was suddenly excited for Valentine's Day.

"I still want to do a little something for her though. Will you help me with that?" She asked biting her lip nervously. She was worried that Brittany would think she should just let Rachel take care of everything, but even though she was going to let Rachel take the reins on this one she still wanted give her girlfriend something to let her know how much she loved her.

"Of course San!" Brittany exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down in her seat. "Will you help me with my surprise for Artie as well?" She asked her enthusiasm ready to spill over. Santana laughed at her friend and nodded.

"Of course Britt-Britt, let's get started," and with that the two began working on their plans for their significant others together.

* * *

><p>It was finally Valentine's Day, and Rachel was about to burst with excitement and nerves. She couldn't wait to take Santana out and just completely spoil her, but she was also nervous that the Latina would hate everything she had planned. The more she thought about it, the more she began to panic. She felt her breathing quicken and her heart rate speed up. This wasn't one of her normal panic attacks. She wasn't afraid of someone hurting her, she was afraid that her girlfriend would not think she's good enough because she can't even plan a simple romantic date. That's how Artie and Puck found her at her locker.<p>

"Whoa, Jew babe, breathe. Come on take a deep breath," Puck tried to calm her, placing a hand on her back. "Come on Rach, if you suffocate on our watch San will kill us," He joked. Rachel laughed and coughed a little, and slowly found herself calming down until finally her breathing returned to normal.

"Sorry guys, it was just a mini freak out. Nothing to be concerned about, promise," She told them, going back to the task of getting her books she needed for class out of her locker.

"Well we are concerned, so please just tell us what's going on sis?" Artie asked.

Rachel felt a small smile tug at her lips when he said sis. The Abrams' never refer to her as the foster kid; she's always part of the family. Any time they say something, like this, that confirms that's how they feel about her, it makes her heart swell with happiness.

"I'm just kind of freaked out over the date I have planned for Santana tonight," She confessed, giving in easily to her brother and the boy she considers her best guy friend.

"Why?" Puck asked confused, taking a huge bite out of the bagel in his hand. "You and Santana go on dates all the time," He continued with his mouth full. Rachel and Artie gave the boy a disgusted look, something would never change.

"Gross Noah, don't speak with your mouth full of food," Rachel reprimanded; Puck only shrugged and took another bite of his bagel.

"Anyway, this isn't a normal date, it's Valentine's Day. I planned some stuff special but I'm afraid she's not going to like it," She explained, finding the last book she needed and placing it in her backpack. She closed her locker door and leaned against the cold metal.

"Valentine's Day already?" Puck asked seriously having no idea it was the day of the romantic holiday. Both Artie and Rachel rolled their eyes of the oblivious boy.

"I'm sure whatever you have planned Santana will love it. You're better at planning than anyone I know," Artie told her encouragingly. Puck nodded. This time he decided to swallow before he spoke.

"Yeah, you totally are and if your plan fails, bread sticks and sex work with Santana every time," Puck joked with a grin. Rachel took in a deep breath, she suddenly felt hot and a slight ache in between her legs. She didn't think she was ready to go all the way, but she was getting there.

"Dude, I really do not want the image of my sister's sex life in my head," Artie grimaced, that's seriously an image no brother should ever have to picture.

"I don't want you imaging my girlfriend in any sexual way either, got it Tron?" Santana threatened walking up to the group and standing next to said girlfriend.

"Hey babe, Happy Valentine's Day," She greeted kissing her cheek, breaking Rachel out of her pleasurable thoughts of her girlfriends lips in other places.

"Hey 'Tana, Happy Valentine's Day," Rachel greeted back. Santana was looking back at Artie with a challenging raised eyebrow.

"I swear I wasn't thinking of her that way. I mean that's just gross," He stammered, this time Rachel raised her eyebrow at him. "I mean you aren't gross Rach, it's gross because you're my sister but even as your brother I can admit you're beautiful," Artie blushed as he attempted to recover from his blabbering. The three older students in front of him all just started laughing. He let out a nervous chuckle as well and pushes his glasses up.

"Chill Wheels, I know you're not thinking of her that way, I heard what you said," Santana reassured him. He let out a breath of relief; he really did not need a protective and jealous Santana Lopez after him.

"You on the other hand," She said turning towards Puck. "I know you said something, and I know it wasn't about me and my girlfriends sex life, because I'm almost positive that we cleared up last time that topic was off limits," Her voice changed from light heart to dark in a matter of seconds. It was honestly terrifying.

"I'm just going to head to homeroom," Artie said awkwardly before wheeling down the hall as fast of he could.

"Chill Lopez, it was only a joke. I know you and Rach are waiting and if it's happened since good for you guys, but if it hasn't then that awesome too," He defended himself sincerely, looking mostly at Rachel wanting her to know he wasn't trying to convince that she needed to have sex to normal. She nodded to let him know she understood.

"Well Puckerman if you ever think of making a joke to my girlfriend like that again, I will personally see to it that no Cheerio will ever touch you again," a fierce stare off between the two went on for another minute before Rachel just got fed up with it.

"I'm going to head to homeroom. I'll see you both there when you finish trying to stare each other into the ground," Rachel said. She got a brief form of acknowledgement from the two before making her way to homeroom alone.

"Seriously Lopez, what your problem?" Puck asked once Rachel was out of sight. "Rach was fine with the joke. I understand your reaction last time because it set off some sort of panic attack, but she was fine this time," Puck explained, still not understanding any of this.

He respected their decision and after some time thinking about it thought it was kind of awesome for the two of them to wait, you know because they were in love and shit. He just didn't understand this outburst at a simple joke, that didn't even seem to bother Rachel.

"I just don't want her to feel pressured. It took me forever to convince her that I'm okay with waiting," Santana tried to explain without going into details about the night terrors.

"I don't think you have to worry about that, because honestly she looked a little turned on when I mentioned sex between you to," Puck told her with a smirk. Santana froze and completely forgot how to breathe.

"What do you mean?" She asked cautiously. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear how Puck was observing her girlfriend being turned on, but she needed to know if he was being serious or if he was just Puck being Puck.

"Well her face got red, which is no surprised because Berry blushes at everything," He started. Santana rolled her eyes that was a well-known fact but she seriously didn't mind because she loved that blush and has from the beginning.

"She started to squirm and was kind of trying to rub her legs together. Trust me San I know when a girl is turned on, you should remember that," He said cockily. Santana gave him a grossed out look and moved away, but he was definitely being serious.

This doesn't change anything though, Santana thought. She was still going to let Rachel make the first move and come to her when she was ready for any step that Rachel wanted to take in their relationship.

"Let's get to homeroom before the bell rings and I manage to piss her off on Valentine's Day for being late to class," Santana said with a distracted tone before taking off in the direction of their classroom. Puck shook his head and laughed, before catching up with her.

Rachel shared her last class today with Kurt and Tina. They were currently in a group to work on some kind of English project, but today no one was up to working. The three decided they already had a good grasp on what they were doing so despite Rachel protest they spent most of the period talking about their plans for today with their partners.

"Mike won't tell me what we're doing tonight. He said he wants to be a surprise," Tina gushed, she couldn't wait to find out what Mike had planned. Last Valentine's Day was amazing, they had planned it together, but this time Mike wanted to surprise her.

"Well I'm taking Blaine to this small romantic restaurant, that has dancing and a piano where you can get up sing to the whole room," Kurt said excited to finally have a date for Valentine's Day.

"So you're taking him to a karaoke bar?" Rachel asked with an amused smile. Kurt had already told them what he had planned many times already, and she just couldn't help but poke a little fun at him each time.

"Not a bar, a romantic restaurant where you can serenade the one you love. Even if I was tacky enough to take the love of my life to a karaoke bar on Valentines bar," Kurt spoke with disdain. "We're underage and would never be able to get in."

"Okay, okay not a karaoke bar," Rachel admitted defeat with a soft chuckle. It was so easy to rile him up.

"What about you and Santana, Rach? What do you guys have planned for your first Valentine's Day together?" Tina asked. Rachel hadn't said anything about what they were doing and she was honestly interested. After everything they've been through and everything they're still going to go through, the couple deserved some happy time together.

"Well San knows I'm planning it, but she doesn't know what I'm planning," She started and then proceeded to explain to her friends what she had come up with, with the help of Quinn. "And then last we're going to go back to Santana's because Artie and Brittany have claimed my house, and we're going to cuddle and watch a movie," Rachel finished with a smile. The more she talked about it the more excited and nervous she got. She couldn't wait to take Santana on the first date she ever planned almost completely by herself. Tina looked at her with a soft smile, while Kurt was giving her an unsure look.

"None of that sounds very romantic," Kurt said, not understanding that someone's perception of romance could be any different than his and what he saw in movies.

"Shut up Kurt, it's Santana romantic. Rachel planned it so that its catered to what Santana will like," Tina scolded him before giving Rachel another smile. "I think it's perfect Rach."

"Thanks Tina," Rachel said enthusiastically.

"Alright fine, it is perfect for you and Santana," Kurt admitted and Rachel gave him a beaming smile. Next thing they knew the bell was ringing and for the first time ever Rachel was the first one of the classroom.

* * *

><p>Santana would never admit it out loud to anyone who wasn't Rachel. Alright she may of mentioned to Brittany, but that was her best friend and she would never tell anyone but she was starting to enjoy being romantic. Rachel made it to her locker in record time but stopped short when she found Santana already standing in front of it hold a single white rose in her hand.<p>

"Happy Valentine's Day baby," She said with a smile handing her the rose. Rachel examined it and held it with great care.

"It's silk?" She questioned with a smile.

"Yeah, you know real flowers die and I know you're making a scrapbook of our relationship," Santana said letting on that she knew about the scrap book hidden in her closet. Rachel blushed a deep red and shifted from foot to foot nervously.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's cute. Just please don't let anyone know I just said that," Rachel beamed at her girlfriend as she moved closer.

"Anyway, I want you to be able to place a few petal in your scrapbook and not have them die on you," She explained biting her lip nervously.

"Why white?" Rachel asked, just really curious. She loved this rose, especially knowing that it can't die, just like they would never let their love for one another die.

"Well I thought red was to cliché, so I got you white," Santana told her placing her hands on the diva's hips when she got close enough.

"You know white roses mean purity and innocence?" Rachel asked with a grin leaning in for a quick kiss which Santana gladly gave.

"No, I didn't," She answered honestly. "But it fits you, you're pretty pure and innocent babe," Santana joked, moving her hands that were resting on her girlfriends waist so that they were now wrapped around her waist. Rachel moved her own hands so they were wrapped around Santana's neck.

"I'm not that innocent," Rachel tried to defend herself with a blush. Santana laughed and kissed her cheek.

"Babe, the fact that you just blushed at that proves that you're innocent," the cheerleader said as she nuzzled her nose into her girlfriend neck before kissing it, making Rachel giggle and squirm in the tanned arms. Santana pulled back with a smirk.

"Come on babe, I need to show you something," Santana said pulling the diva in the direction of the choir room.

"But I have everything planned," Rachel said confused stumbling as she tried to keep up with the excited Latina.

"I know, I just want to show you something before we go," Santana said as they reach the choir room.

She sat Rachel down in one of the chairs on the risers and then walked back to stand in front of her in her Green Day band t-shirt and ripped blue jeans. Rachel had requested she wore comfortable clothes for the first part of their date, so Rachel was in a plain black t-shirt and blue jeans. They would change when it was time to head to Breadstix. As usual Brad sat randomly in the background by the piano, Rachel paid him no mind, he was seriously always just around.

"Baby, I know you planned this whole Valentine's Day and I'm going to love whatever it is you have planned," Santana started, Rachel smiled at her but she was slightly confused to what they were doing here.

"But I needed to do something for you, because I know how much this holiday means to you," Rachel went to cut in but Santana stopped her. "Just let me finish, please?" Santana asked and Rachel nodded and let the raven haired beauty continued without further interruption.

"I know I sang to you the when you came back from the hospital the first time, but that was with the entire glee club and we weren't together so it doesn't count. So here's a song for you," Santana nodded to Brad who started to play with the band who arrived only moments ago.

Santana started to sing Faith Hill's 'Breathe' and Rachel felt her eyes begin to mist at the first verse. Santana was pouring her heart out to her through this song and she could feel every emotion Santana felt for her. Tears streamed down the darker girls face, keeping her eyes connected with the love of her life's the whole time. She knelt in front of the smaller girl, who reach out her hand and stroked the singing girls face with a loving smile. Others have sang for Rachel before, but she never felt this kind of emotion from someone else. She never thought she would find someone who expressed their feeling through song and was as emotionally attached to music as she was, but she found that in Santana. This made her even more sure that this wasn't just a high school fling, this was their forever. The last note of the song died out and the two just stared at each other in loving silence as Brad and the band quietly left.

"That was amazing Santana, you're amazing," Rachel said her voice filled with adoration. She leaned in and kissed her, starting out soft but it soon became heated as the diva moved to deepen the kiss. They pulled back when the need for air became too much and rested their foreheads together. Both stroking the others cheek.

"Being able to feel you breathe and your heart beat when we cuddle is the best feeling in the world," Santana told her. Rachel nodded in understanding.

"I know baby, it's the best feeling for me too. Thank you so much, this is the best Valentine's Day gift you ever gave me because it made me realize something very important," Rachel told her with a smile.

"Really? What's that?" Santana asked returning the smile.

"That we really are forever," Rachel breathed out, their lips touching but not kissing.

"You didn't know that?" Santana asked pulling back only slightly so that she could see Rachel's eyes.

"I think I always have known it, but I had a slight doubt because I'm afraid of being abandoned and hurt," Rachel told her truthfully, Santana bit her lip sadly. She knew why Rachel felt that way, and some of it had to do with the way she used to treat her. She knew Rachel didn't blame her anymore, but the guilt will always be there. "But after hearing and seeing you perform that song for me every single bit of doubt was washed away. I love you so much," Santana smiled at her and kissed her quickly on the lips.

"I'm glad to hear that. I love you too, so much," Santana replied and held out her hand for the girl to take. "Come on baby, let's get this amazing date that you planned started."

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><p>Santana couldn't believe what Rachel had planned for the first part of their date. She was completely ecstatic that she almost lost it and jumped up and down in joy, but she kept her cool and just kissed her girl senseless instead. They were currently at Sky Zone, Santana loved this place but hadn't gone in years because it was all the way in Columbus.<p>

"How did you know how much I like this place?" Santana asked her voice bubbling over with the excitement that she couldn't contain.

"I may have had a little help from Quinn. I was originally going to plan for Laser tag but we can go there anytime, this seemed a little more special," Rachel explained. Santana grinned, this indoor trampoline park was amazing and totally just brought out the kid in Santana which Rachel quickly learned the minute they got onto the trampolines.

They played without a care in the world. They did flips to impress one another and chased each other around the trampolines, making sure to not knock anyone else over and stay within the rules. They played a little bit of basketball when the found the hoop, each trying to out dunk each other, not surprising Santana won but only by a small margin, it seemed the trampoline helped Rachel's athletic ability. They dived in the foam pit together and just forgot about everything that wasn't each other.

When they were done they went back to Santana's house to get ready for the dinner part of their date. Santana changed down in her room while Rachel got ready in the bathroom. When Santana enter the living she found Rachel sitting there in a black lace dress with a black ribbon tied around the middle in a bow. Santana felt her jaw drop, she was absolutely gorgeous. Rachel had a similar reaction as she stared wide eyed at Santana in her tight fitted sexy red dress.

"Wow Santana, you look stunning. You are so beautiful," Rachel said in amazement the first one to recover from the leering and naughty thoughts that they were both having.

"Have you looked at yourself Rachel, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen," Santana countered back. Rachel blushed and took a tanned hand into her lighter one.

"This way madam, our dinner awaits," Rachel said in a fake British accent. Santana laughed as Rachel pulled her along.

"You are such an adorable dork," Santana teased letting Rachel drive her car as she has been all day.

Because of the hour drive to and back from Columbus they were having dinner later than most of the other couples so Breadstix was pretty empty, which was exactly how the girls like it. Santana was again ecstatic when she found out they were going to Breadstix. She was starving from all that jumping and having to eat late. Though she would not change any part of this date for the world. They made small talk through dinner, talking about anything and everything just because they could. Then Rachel brought up something she was wondering about.

"San, have you thought about what you want to major in college yet. I know you've been talking a lot with Kara and your mom about it, but I was wondering if you have any idea's yet?" Rachel asked carefully. Santana looked up at Rachel mid bite into a breadstick, she quickly swallowed and answered.

"There are a few options. Music being a big one," Rachel smiled at that, Santana would be amazing in music and there were some options within music she would choose from if she didn't want to pursue singing. "Um. . . Law is another one I guess, you know me I like bossing people around," Santana laughed nervously. Rachel caught that and placing her hand on top of Santana, silently asking her what was wrong.

"I just don't want to disappoint you, ya' know. I don't want you to think I'm some loser who doesn't know where they're going in life," Santana confessed. Rachel shook her head at her.

"Baby, I could never think that of you. You have an idea of where you're going, you've applied to college's and you are looking into different majors. So what if you don't know right now what you want to be, a lot of people don't in senior year. The point is at least you're trying to figure it out. Even if you go in as undeclared I will still think the world of you. Hell you could not go to college and work at some coffee shop and I would still see you as my hero," Santana laughed and nodded.

"Well it's definitely between music and law I think. I just need to look into both a bit more," the Latina told her confidently. Rachel nodded and smiled at her.

"Take all the time you need baby," and just like that the subject was dropped and Santana felt a weight off her shoulders that she didn't even know was there until now.

After dinner the girls went back to Santana's place. Tony was at a friend's house for the night, and Lopez's were still out on their date and not expected to be back until very late. Santana led Rachel down to her room. Before either girl had time to kick of their heels, Santana gently pushed Rachel up against the wall and started to kiss her. Rachel responded straight away and deepened the kiss. Hands started to roam and Santana moan when she felt Rachel's hand sneak up to her breast and gently massage it. Santana feeling brave lowered her hands to the curve of Rachel's ass and squeezed lightly as their tongues continued their dance. Rachel moaned at the new feeling of Santana hand somewhere new. The cheerleader smiled into the kiss and gently lifted Rachel up off the ground, Rachel squealed and wrapped her legs around the petite body as she was carried to the bed.

Santana gently laid her down and quickly climbed on top of her. Hands continued their exploring, Santana still feeling brave, tried to feel Rachel breast over her clothes. Rachel froze and whimpered, Santana immediately stopped her actions and looked up at the girl she loved.

"Baby I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to push you," She apologized breathlessly.

"No, no it's fine. I like it when you touch me, it's just he's touched me there and I can't seemed to forget him, even when it's you," Rachel explained solemnly, also out of breath. Santana felt a rage burn inside of her. Just the idea of someone else touching her made her sick and the idea of someone touching her when she was unwilling made her want to murder someone, but she took in a deep breath and look back at Rachel deep brown eyes.

"Don't worry babe, we'll find a way to erase his touch," Santana promised, smiling when Rachel smiled and pushing her down so she was now on top. They went back to making out and fondling each other. This time Santana paid extra attention to Rachel backside, loving the soft moan she got of her. Rachel trailed kisses down Santana jaw until she got to her neck, she nipped at the expose skin before soothing it gently with her tongue. Santana never thought she would feel anything like this. This type of pleasure was something she never experienced before. This was only light foreplay but yet she was wetter then she had ever been in her life.

Santana legs parted slightly causing Rachel to falls between them and her tight dress to hike up, revealing her black laced panties. Both girls moans as their centres inadvertently met. Rachel looked up at Santana and blushed. The raven hair girl just smiled and moved some hair behind the smaller girls ear. A moan unexpectedly escaped from the Latina's mouth as Rachel began to experimentally rock her hip in hers. Santana did everything she could to push back the pleasure she was feeling so she could stop this before it went somewhere Rachel would regret.

"Rach, baby, Uhh. . . Stop," The minute the word stop came out of Santana mouth, Rachel froze and looked at her with an expression of confusion and hurt.

"What is it, did I do something wrong?" She asked in a panic. Santana shook her head vigorously.

"No, baby not at all. I just don't want you to do anything before you're ready," Santana explained while still catching her breath.

"We're not going to have sex Santana, but we can still have fun other ways right?" Rachel asked with a smirk playing on her lips. She was turned on and these feeling though completely new and scary to her, she knew she didn't want to stop them and she trust Santana.

"Of course," Santana said with a smile before turning serious again. "But you have to still be one hundred per cent sure. This is a big step and you panic when I touched your breast earlier are you sure you can handle this? You know what this entails, right?" Santana asked, her clit was seriously throbbing right now, but she had to control herself, because Rachel's comfort would always come first.

"I think I demonstrated I know what it entails," Rachel said cockily with a smirk before turning serious herself. "I know I freaked out earlier, but I trust you. That's the only place I still have a problem with anyone touching and it's because of him. I want this 'Tana, I won't let him control me, not with you," Santana grabbed the back of Rachel neck and brought her down into a searing kiss.

"Still think I'm innocent?" Rachel asked as she began moving her hips again. As she tried to find a rhythm her movements became stiff and clumsy. Santana smiled against Rachel's lips and as gracefully as possible flipped them over so that she was on top. She settled in between Rachel legs and moaned at the heat she could feel through the thin fabric of her panties, and slowly started grinding her hip into a steady rhythm.

"Yeah, totally still innocent, but you're getting there," Santana joke before losing herself in the pleasure building up in the pit of her stomach. She buried her face in Rachel's neck and gentle started to suck the exposed skin.

Rachel's moans were soft and quiet, the complete opposite of what anyone would expect her to sound like in bed. A tiny hand reach and found Santana's and she slowly brought it up to her covered breast. Santana stopped making Rachel groan in protest but she looked at her girlfriend confused. The diva bit her lip and nodded. She stayed tense for a few moments as Santana carefully massaged her left breast.

"It's okay baby it's just me. I'm going to take care of you," Santana whispered soft reassurances in her ear and started her rhythm back up. Soon Rachel's body un-tensed and she lost herself in the feeling.

"Oh, that feels so good. Please don't stop baby," Rachel begged as she began moving her hips with Santana's.

"Not planning on it baby," Santana assured picking up her pace. Soon Rachel started to feel an unfamiliar white heat in the pit of her stomach. Rachel eyes opened in a panic not understanding what was happening.

"Santana?" She asked through a moan trying to fight off the feeling. Santana looked up and realized just how close Rachel was to the edge.

"It's okay baby, I've got you. Just let go, cum for me baby," Santana encouraged fighting back her own orgasm so that Rachel would cum first. Santana increased the pressure and Rachel felt pleasure explode throughout her body. Santana came soon after, the sight of Rachel coming enough to set hers off by itself.

They lay there as they came down from their high. They were breathing heavily and sweat dripped from their bodies but neither of them cared. Santana recovered first and carefully moved off of Rachel and cuddled into her side. The tiny singer look over at her with a wide lazy smile.

"I love you, that was amazing," Rachel proclaim. "I never thought I could feel that way."

"Well get used to it baby girl, because you haven't seen anything yet. I love you too," Santana told her with a smile.

"You don't regret it right?" Santana asked carefully. She was relieved when Rachel shook her head.

"Of course not, you make me feel so loved and special. If this is what it feels like to just dry hump with you, I can't wait for the real thing," She said and Santana laughed.

"Whenever you're ready baby girl," She promised leaving a lingering kiss on her temple.

"Not yet, but soon," Rachel promised. They laid there until they were forced to get up because Santana had to take Rachel home. Damn these school nights.


	29. Chapter 29

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 29

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94! Hey guys so I want to ask you guys if there are anything you guys would like to see happen in this story besides the trial and their first time because trust me both of those are coming eventually. I can't promise your idea will get into the story but if I use your idea or a variation of your idea I will mention you!

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><p>When Santana woke up she found that she was freezing, she groaned and bravely stuck her hand out of her warm comfy blankets to check the time on her phone. Her eyes went wide as she threw the covers off and as quickly as she could and started to get ready. It was a little past ten in the morning, which meant she was definitely late for school. As she finished pulling her Cheerio's sweater over her head she wondered why her alarm didn't go off or why no one came down to get her up when she didn't come up. She stopped short once she got to the living room to see Tony sitting on the couch watching on superhero thing on the TV.<p>

"Why aren't you in school?" Santana asked as she tried to catch her breath. Her big sister instincts already having her moving forward to get for a temperature.

"Same reason you aren't," Tony said distractedly as she expertly dodged her hand.

Santana stared at him confused; she honestly didn't know why she wasn't in school either. That was until Tony huffed and without taking his eyes away from the TV pointed towards the window, where a whole bunch of snow was falling. That could only mean on thing, snow day. Santana smiled, ruffed her brother's hair and then ran back to her room to change back into her super comfy and warm pajamas. She went into the kitchen, not being able to suppress the urge to aggravate her brother more by ruffling his hair again as she passed.

"I hate you," he yelled out and Santana only giggled, nothing turned Santana into a little kid like a snow day.

"How are you torturing your brother this time mija?" Her mother asked with a smile, when she sat of counter where Maria had set out some pancakes for her two children. Santana grinned at the food and started to pile what she thought she could eat one her plate.

"Oh you know just messing up his beloved hair, even though he totally hasn't even brushed it yet," She answered before taking a bite full. Maria laughed at her children's antics, even as they continued to grow older their playfulness still showed through in the best ways.

"Did you turn off my alarm?" She asked curiously after a few minutes of silence. Maria nodded.

"I wanted you to be able to sleep as long as possible, I know you drove Rachel home late last night," Maria told her with a smile, she was so happy that her daughter was finally able to be herself and that she had found love with an amazing girl who fit into their family perfectly.

That's when Santana suddenly remembered her girlfriend and what went down a few nights go between them. Sure they only dry humped like a couple of thirteen year olds, oh god bad thought her brother was almost thirteen. She erased that from her mind quickly and reminded herself that it was still a big deal to both of them but especially Rachel. She had showed so much trust in her that night that meant more to Santana then any of the physical feelings. The emotional feelings where overwhelming, Santana could only imagine how intensified those were going to be when they went all the way. They had talked about it since and neither could be happier about how much closer it had brought them. She squirmed in her chair at the images those thoughts created, because yeah the emotional feelings were amazing but so were the physical.

"Santana?" Her mother's amused voice broke her out of her thoughts. She looked up to find the older woman staring at her with a smirk.

"You were thinking of her, weren't you?" The older Latina asked, Santana blushed and averted her eyes.

"Oh mija, I'm not trying to embarrass you," She said with a laugh, the younger Latina looked up with a sheepish look. If only her mother knew exactly what she was thinking.

"And I know exactly what you were thinking about, so don't think I'm that naive," Maria scolded lightly, okay that was completely scary.

"Um. . . well you see. . ." Santana was quick to try to explain herself but Maria held up her hand and shook her head at her daughter.

"Mija I understand. You're young, your girlfriend is beautiful and you're in love. Those thoughts are completely normal, I would be worried if you weren't having them," Maria joked a little with a soft chuckle. Santana blushed again but smiled back at her mother regardless.

"We haven't actually. . . You know. . ." Santana stated nervously. Her mother had given her the talk a few times before and it always ended with tense awkwardness. She regretted the past that her parents knew nothing about. She knew her mom knew she wasn't a virgin but she didn't know how far she went to keep up the pretense that she was straight. She wanted to be able to talk to her mom about this subject though and maybe now that she wasn't hiding and in a steady relationship she could get advice from her mother without worrying about disappointing her.

"Calm down sweetheart, that is none of my business. You're both adults and I trust both of you to respect the other people in this house and at the Abrams' and most importantly each other," Maria told her sincerely. Santana looked at her dumbfounded.

"Did you just give us permission to have sex as long as no one is in the house?" Santana asked completely flabbergasted. Maria just laughed and wisely chose not to answer that.

"I know neither of you will do something before you're ready and I also trust that if you or Rachel have a question you will come to either Kara or I," Maria stated seriously, Santana nodded.

"What if we have a question that you and Kara can't answer because we're, you know, two girls?" Santana asked thoughtfully, she was taking this opportunity to talk to her mother so freely like this. It was honestly another amazing feeling on top of everything else.

"I don't want either of you to be afraid to come to either of us because you think we can't answer it because you're both gay. If we don't know the answer we will figure it out together, but if you aren't comfortable coming to one of us with a certain thing, which is understandable, then we can find someone else for you to talk to. I heard Ms. Holiday gave you her contact information for if you ever had questions," Maria explained with a knowing smirk. Santana eye's went wide at the mention of the substitute teacher that she went to for help when the feelings and urges were becoming too much with Brittany.

"How did you know that?" She asked, she was kind of freaked out, no one knew that.

"She told me. She didn't tell me specifically why, but I knew she was substituting as the sex ed teacher then and I already had a feeling that you might be a little more into girls then, so I put two and two together and just left it there," She explained.

"Well that's good to know," She said shifting in her seat. She wanted to ask something, but wasn't sure how to approach without betraying Rachel's trust. "Umm, Mami?" She asked the older woman who looked at her showing that she had her full attention.

"Do you know what went on with Rachel and her father?" She asked and somehow Maria knew this wasn't about the hitting or the emotional abuse or even the poison. Maria knew enough to know Rachel was sexually assaulted but not enough to know specifically what went down.

"I don't know many specifics but I do know that there was some sexual abuse involved. Is that what you're asking?" Santana nodded and swallowed nervously.

"I'm afraid I'm going to do something to trigger a panic attack one day. I'm letting her take the lead but I'm so afraid she's going to like force herself to do something she's not comfortable with just because she thinks she has to, to please me even though I've told her that I'm fine with whatever she's comfortable with. Or I'm afraid I'm going to try something without thinking and just sent a panic attack off," Santana explained feeling a big weight come off her chest.

It felt good to finally speak so freely with her mother and to finally voice her concern that she's had since she learned what those night terrors were about. Maria stood there for a few minutes and thought her daughter's concerns through. She was so grateful that she was finally comfortable talking to her about stuff like this, but on the other hand she wished this conversation didn't have to include this topic specifically, but it was a reality in her daughter's relationship that she would have to deal with for the rest of her life, because yes Maria knew they were in it for the long run.

"I don't know if I can answer that for you mija," Maria answered truthfully. "I don't know the details of what happened to Rachel and I don't have any experience with this. I think talking to Kara would be a better option," She offered.

"I don't know if Rachel would be comfortable with that. I didn't even mean to talk to you about any of this, I don't want her to think I'm talking behind her back," Santana explained. She knew the tiny singer wouldn't have a problem with her talking to her mother, but she didn't think she would be very comfortable knowing she brought up her abusive past.

"Just talk to her sweetie. You don't need to tell her that we had this conversation, but this is something that is bothering you. It's going to affect your relationship if you don't talk; this isn't something you can fix, but plan ahead so to speak. Find a way for her to let you know that something doesn't feel right before it gets to that bad point. I think Kara will be able to help you both and I think it will be could for Rachel to know she can go to someone older with this without being judged," Maria explained and Santana nodded thoughtfully.

"I'll talk to her," Santana said. Maria smiled at her daughter and kissed her on the top of her head.

"You've grown up so much sweetheart, normally a conversation like this would have you looking for the nearest escape route," the older Latina said with a laugh. Santana laughed with her.

"Well I don't have to hide anymore, so it's easier," Santana confessed. Maria just smiled warmly at her daughter and went back to washing the dishes in the sink. As Santana was continued to eat her breakfast her phone vibrated, she smiled when the caller ID confirmed it was Rachel.

"Hey baby, how's my favorite girl on this wonderful snow day?" Maria snuck a look at her daughter and smiled, it was amazing to see her daughter finally happy and carefree.

"I'm doing quite fine San, thank you," Rachel replied on the other end, her voice at a barely noticeable higher octave than usual. Santana's smile dimmed a little, anyone else talking to Rachel right now wouldn't be able to hear the panic in her voice, but Santana knew her girlfriend way to well.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Maria turned around again this time with a concerned look on her face.

"Nothing's wrong, what would make you think something's wrong?" Rachel asked her voice rising another octave.

"Don't pull that crap with me Rachel, I know you to well. We said no more secrets," Santana demanded firmly. She heard a whimper on the other end and sighed. "Baby I'm sorry, I'm just worried okay. Now please just tell me what's wrong," Santana encouraged, by this point Maria had completely stopped what she was doing and was completely focused on the one side of the conversation that she can hear.

"No, it's okay I understand. I just wanted to hear your voice, I'm here all alone with no power and it's kind of freaking me out I guess," Rachel confessed. Santana face took on a confused look.

"What do you mean your there alone? Where's Kara, Tim and Artie?"

"Tim and Artie got stuck in Columbus last night, they were doing some father, son bonding thing and that snow started falling really hard so they decided it would be safer to just get a hotel until the road's cleared, and Kara got called into her office, I guess one of her patients had a break down or something. I don't know she couldn't tell me much," She explained.

"Alright, how 'bout I come over and get you, that way you won't be alone and even better you will be with me," Santana stated already moving to get changed and find her car keys.

"Wait right there young lady the roads are a mess, and your car isn't exactly great in this type of weather," Maria said stopping her daughter. Santana sighed in frustration.

"Well what am I supposed to do? Leave her at home alone scared?" Santana asked, it was clear by her voice that she was going to get Rachel to her house one way or another. Maria went to answer but was stopped when Santana held up her hand indicating that Rachel was speaking and she put her on speaker phone.

"Santana your mother's right, the roads are really dangerous and I don't want you out driving in them," Rachel said having heard what Maria had said to Santana. "I just wanted to hear your voice, I swear I'll be fine on my own," the diva tried to convince them, but both could her the tremble in her voice. Santana knew the most recent event of being kidnapped by her father was the reason Rachel was so afraid to be alone. She hadn't truly been alone since it had happened.

"Sweetheart we aren't going to let you stay by yourself alone when you're obviously scared," Maria began, Santana looked up at her mother with a hopeful look.

"But I don't want her driving in this it's too dangerous," Rachel argued, just the idea of Santana being in danger made her want to burst out crying. Santana went to argue with her girlfriend but Maria stopped her cutting in quickly.

"She's not going to be, I am going to come get you. My car can handle this type of weather and I am more experienced in driving in it as well," Maria said in that mothering voice that left no room for arguments. of course Rachel being Rachel was stubborn and still hadn't completely learned that tone yet.

"But I don't want you to risk it either. I'll be fine," Rachel tried, she seriously didn't want anyone risking their lives just because she couldn't suck up a few hours of being alone.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, I am coming to get you and that is the end of this discussion," Maria said a little more forcibly, this time stunning the girl on the other line into silence. The mother's phone went off indicating a text. She read the message and smile.

"Anyway I just got a text from Kara, asking if there was any way we could bring you over her because she doesn't want you to be alone. So now you don't even have a choice in the matter, not that you had much of one before," Maria said with a smirk on her face and in her voice. Another minute went by before they heard a huff from the other end.

"Alright fine, but please be careful," She pleaded with her girlfriends mother. She would never be able to forgive herself, if she was into an accident trying to get to her.

"Of course I will sweetheart. You'll probably end up staying the night, and I know you already have stuff here but if there's anything special you want make sure to pack it," Maria ordered before walking off to get her jacket and find her keys. Santana smiled at her mother's disappearing back.

"Do you want me to stay on the phone with you until she gets there babe?" Santana asked, knowing that Rachel would now be even more anxious until Maria arrived to her house and back safely. Honestly Santana would be a little anxious as well but she had confidence in her mother's driving abilities.

"No, I want you to save your battery just in case you lose power at your house. That is if you haven't already," Rachel reasoned. Santana could hear the deep calming breaths she was taking. It was one of the technique's she used to try to calm her nerves before they got the better of her.

"We still have power and anyway once your here, I won't really have much of a reason to make sure my phone is charged," Santana tried to reason back. She heard her mother tell Tony she would be back soon and then the front door open and before she knew it she heard the car carefully pulling out of the driveway.

"You need your phone in case of emergencies Santana," Rachel scolded in a way that only she could. "I promise baby, I won't break in the time it takes for your mother to get here," She assured her voice once again even and calm, the deep breaths having done their job.

"Alright, but promise me if you feel the least bit panicked, you'll call me," Santana said as a compromise.

"Of course Sweetie," with that they said goodbye and Santana started to busy herself by cleaning the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Maria and Rachel made it back to the house within a little over an hour, which was pretty good for how slow and careful Maria was driving. Rachel wasn't even in the house five seconds before she found herself with an arm full of Santana. Rachel pulled away from the bone crushing hug after a few minutes and smiled up at her girlfriend adoringly.<p>

"Why hello my beautiful girlfriend," the diva greeted with a laugh.

"I'm so glad you're here, now this snow day will actually be fun," Santana said pulling the smaller girl towards her room.

"Santana wait let me say hi to Tony first," Rachel giggled at her girlfriends antics.

Santana pouted, she wanted her girlfriend all to herself today. She didn't even want to wait for few second it would take Rachel to say hi to the barely listening boy who was enthralled by the TV. After Rachel finally gave up trying to get the young Latino's attention she allowed Santana to drag her off to her basement bedroom.

"Finally have you all to myself," Santana grinned, wrapping her arms around the small waist and began kissing the tanned neck.

"You always have me to yourself San," Rachel said with a giggle as the darker girl playfully nipped at the exposed skin.

"Not really, it seems like everyone is always around when I just want to hang out with you alone," Santana said with a pout, moving them over the her bed so that they could get comfortable.

"What about Valentine's Day? We were alone then," Rachel reminded with a mischievous grin.

"Mm, yea that day was the obvious exception. I wasn't going to let anyone intrude on that special date," Santana groaned at the memory. She smiled when for the first time she noticed hadn't even bothered to change out of her pyjamas to come over here.

"Want to get our cuddle's on while we have a movie marathon?" The cheerleader asked and Rachel can tell by the hopeful look in her eyes exactly what she was hoping to watch all day. Rachel pretended to think about it, leaving her girlfriend waiting for an answer.

"Harry Potter marathon?" Rachel asked with an innocent smile. Her girlfriend was a secret nerd, an adorable secret nerd, and though she wasn't as much as a book worm as say Quinn, she had a love of fantasy books. In fact she had a bookcase full of them. Rachel had discovered this about her early, and Santana slowly got Rachel addicted as well. In fact the diva was constantly borrowing from the taller girls collection.

"Oh baby you know me so well," She said with a wide smile and leaned in for a quick peck on the lips. "I love you," She whispered when they pulled away

"I love you too. Now go get some snacks and I'll set up the first movie," Rachel said with a smile and Santana quickly made her way up the stairs and into the kitchen. The little singer shook her head and started to quickly set up the DVD for them to watch.

They laid tangle up in one another as the movies played on the screen before them. Maria came to check on them a few times, because as she put it they were being too quiet. Each time she had this telling grin on her face that made Santana blush and Rachel to become confused.

"Okay Santana what is up with your mother? She's never been this. . . intrusive," Rachel struggled with a word to describe her behaviour.

Maria never really bothered them when they were downstairs in Santana's room alone. She tended to respect their privacy. Santana blushed at Rachel's question, she wasn't sure how Rachel would react to the conversation she had with her mother this morning. Rachel was becoming concerned with Santana's silence and paused the current movie they were on and looked at her girlfriend with concerned eyes.

"Baby what is it? Is something wrong? Are you sick? Is that why she keeps checking on us?" Rachel asked question like rapid fire. Hearing the panic in her girlfriends voice Santana quickly snapped out of it.

"No baby I'm fine, nothing's wrong I promise," Santana ensured rubbing the back of the diva's hand to calm her. Rachel instantly deflated and looked at her girlfriend with confusion.

"Then why does she keep checking on us?" She asked her head cocked to the side with curiosity.

"Well. . . um. . . I may have. . . Well," Santana stumbled trying to find the right way to just say it without hurting Rachel's feelings about talking to someone else about them, even though it was just her mom.

"Sweetie calm down, whatever it is you can tell me. No more secret's remember," Rachel urged, nudging the taller girl lightly. Santana smiled nervously, she wasn't ashamed of talking to her mother in fact it helped her feel more at ease and closer to her. She just didn't want to make her girlfriend uncomfortable. She took a deep breath and decided to just tell her straight up.

"Well I kind of had a conversation with my mom this morning," Santana started, okay so maybe not that straight up.

"Okay?" Rachel asked still puzzled. This wasn't really news, Santana and her mother had conversation's all the time.

"We kind of talked about it," She said quietly but Rachel still wasn't getting it.

"You know, it that thing kids tend to not like talking to their parents about," She tried again. Rachel just shook her head completely lost.

"Sex Rachel, we talked about sex," She finally just said it with frustration.

"Oh. . ." Rachel said quietly her face immediately became a burning red colour. This made Santana relax and dart her tongue out to lick her suddenly dry lips. Damn that blush gets her every time. She hoped Rachel never lost that shy innocence. A long silence passed between them as Rachel processed the information.

"I'm glad you were able to talk to your mother. It's important to have the type of relationship where you can go to her for anything," Rachel finally spoke a soft smile gracing her lips. Yeah, it was a little embarrassing but Rachel was honestly happy that her girlfriend was able to have this sort of close relationship with her mother. She knew before she came out that Santana was very distant from her parents. It's amazing to see how far she's come from that scared little girl.

"I didn't give her specific's except that we haven't actually gone all the way. I never plan to and she doesn't want me to. She said that's private between us and that she trust both of us completely," Santana explained. Rachel nodded slightly taken aback by Maria response, she would have thought she would place some kind of strict rules on them where neither of them would be allowed each other's room together alone anymore. Of course she shouldn't be surprised, Maria was a very understanding and open minded woman.

"She also said we could go to her anytime if we had any questions, no judging," Santana told her and Rachel smiled, now that was something she should have expected. "And I kind of already did this morning," the cheerleader began to confess, she stomach began to twist with nerves. Rachel had taken every well so far but she knew this part may be a little too personal. Rachel looked at her curiously, wondering what type of question Santana would have. Considering what a novice level they were at right now. If anyone had questions it should be her right?

"I swear I didn't tell her anything about what happened with your dad," Santana started, Rachel immediately tensed. Santana quickly continued, keeping a hand placed on her girlfriends back hoping the physical contact would help keep her calm.

"She knows something sexual happened but she doesn't know what and I didn't tell her anything more so she doesn't know I promise," Rachel nodded relaxing the tiniest amount, remembering Kara told her she gave Maria an extremely vague explanation for the night terrors just in case something happened when she was here that Santana couldn't handle by herself.

"Okay that I already knew she knew," Rachel told Santana hoping that would alive the taller girls guilt she knew she was having for talking about this. If Santana brought it up to her mother it must have been bothering her. Rachel wasn't going to fault her for going to her mother for advice, in fact she has been encouraging her to go to her mother about anything even if it was about her. "Go on honey, I promise I understand."

"Well I've been concerned about doing something to set off a panic attack. I would never intently do something you're not ready for but as we saw on Valentine's Day I almost did," Santana explained carefully watching Rachel reaction. At first she looked confused, then understanding crossed her features until a small hurt look settled in her eyes.

"You think I'm going to break if you touch me?" She asked, she thought Santana was the one person who understood she didn't need to be treated like glass.

"No baby of course not," Santana quickly went to correct herself. "When I touched your breast you got scared and I never want to you to get that feeling from me, but I know you're not going to break if I touch you," Rachel sighed still a little hurt and frustrated not completely understanding what Santana was getting at.

"Yeah I got scared, but you stopped the minute you realized something was wrong. Then I was fine and I was even able to let go of the fear and everything was fine the second time we tried. Baby I trust you to not hurt me," Rachel tried to explain.

"I know you trust me and I trust you the same way," She told her with a smile. Rachel gave her the small smile back. "But you need to understand it's not going to get any easier going further. I may do something that I think won't be an issue but it could still end up scaring you. I think we should talk to Kara," She started, Rachel quickly started to shake her head. This was one subject she did not want to go to her foster mom with. She had no idea what her reaction would be to her and Santana exploring and she didn't want to cause any trouble and tension.

"Sweetie calm down, it's going to be fine. I think we should go to her because she knows exactly what you're going through and she has to training to help us unlike my mom," Santana explained gently. "She can help us figure out a way to communicate so it doesn't get to the point of a panic attack."

"What about Dr. Cordell?" Rachel asked. "She knows my situation and she has to training as well."

"You really want to talk to your shrink about our sex life?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You think I really want to talk to my foster mom about it either?" Rachel countered back. Santana nodded understanding her hesitation, but she knew there was no real reason to be worried. She just need to remind Rachel of that.

"You don't need to worry about how she's going to react babe, she's more open minded then my mother and that's saying something," Rachel still looked hesitant but her resolve was visibly being to break. "And I can't come in with you on your sessions with Dr. Cordell, so not only would I not be there for support but I wouldn't get the information," The diva remained stiff, but her muscles were starting to relax under the gentle massage of Santana's hands on her back.

"You can come in if I allow it," Rachel said trying to put up one last fight, but it really didn't have that much bite to it.

"I think talking to Kara about this will be good for you. Just like it was good for me to talk to my mom about it, and I promise I will be there the entire time," Santana assured, smiling when she felt her girlfriend muscles finally intense and lean back into her touch.

"Okay," the diva gave in leaning her body into the cheerleader so that they were cuddled together once again and they could resume their movie marathon.

* * *

><p>They ended up having a very long weekend because the snow was not cleared Friday either. Rachel stayed at the Lopez's until Sunday. Artie and Tim weren't able to get back until late Saturday night and Kara was tied up with patients who were having break downs because of the storm. The psychiatrist made sure to call her foster daughter at least two times a day to check in and see how she's doing and to remind her that she loved her. Rachel felt overjoyed that the woman to had come to love like a mother was taking the time to call her even though she knew she was completely safe just to remind her that she loved her.<p>

The Lopez's were one of the lucky ones who didn't lose power. Which though it made everything easier, only Tony would have been up in arms about if they had lost power. Though a bored Tony who can't play outside or his video games wasn't fun for anyone.

"Are you ready for Regionals baby?" Rachel asked quietly as they cuddled on the couch and watched Tony play some motocross video game.

"Of course, I gonna kill that solo. Those judges won't even know what hit them," Santana said confidently with a smug smile.

"There's my humble girlfriend," Rachel laughed, kissing the darker girls neck which caused Santana to giggle and an annoyed huff from Tony who had just crashed his virtual motorbike because he became distracted from all the noise. He threw down the controller and stomped up the stairs away from the sickeningly sweet couple.

"Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Rachel said with another laugh, she had gotten use to these sibling tiffs and knew the younger Lopez would be fine and back playing his game in about ten minutes.

"Eh he can deal with it, I told him we weren't going to just sit here in complete silence," Santana said shrugging it off as she usually did. "So how 'bout you and Quinn, you guys ready to tear up the stage with your awesome duet?" Santana asked.

"I think we really are, I don't want to sound to over confident but I think we really got this in the bag, and then we can focus all our attention on winning Nationals in our senior year," Rachel replied with a proud smile.

"Yea, we totes got this babe, and it's not over confidence it's believing in ourselves," Rachel leaned further into Santana arms and sighed happily. Nothing could beat this feeling of just being surrounded by love.

Santana leaned her head forward and gently began nipping at the shell of Rachel's ear. The diva giggled and moved her head to the side to expose more skin to the feisty Latina. Santana grinned against the tanned skin and started to alternate between kissing, nipping and gently sucking at the sensitive neck. Rachel though trying to remain quiet let out a loud moan.

"Girls, I think we should have a talk," the couple broke apart faster than as if they were set on fire.

"K-Kara, what are you doing here?" Rachel asked fear of being caught making out with her girlfriend in the middle of her living room being heard clearly in her voice.

"I finally was able to finish up with my patients, so I thought I would come and join you guys here for dinner sense Tim and Artie won't get back 'till late tonight. Plus I missed you," She said planting a hello kiss on both girls heads.

"How did you get in, I didn't hear the bell?" Santana asked, though extremely embarrassed she had no fear in the slightest about this talk she had mention. After all they were planning on it anyway.

"I bet you didn't," Kara said with a smirk, which caused both girls to blush heavily. "Your mother let me in, she's in the kitchen. Now why don't we have a little chat about making out in the middle of the family living room where as I just proved anyone can walk in," Kara started with only half sternness in her voice, the other half was teasing and playful.

"We didn't mean for it to happen I swear. I will never happen again I promise," Rachel rambled nervously, putting emphasis on the never part. This made Santana look at her girlfriend with comically wide eyes.

"You mean it will never happen again out in the open right?" She asked hoping to clarify, because she so was not okay with being totally cut off, just because of Rachel irrational fear that her foster mother was going to hate her for doing something so basically human.

"I sure hope that's what she meant, that sure wouldn't be fun for either of you," Kara assured in her own way that she understood these feelings and that they were perfectly normal. Rachel blushed and relaxed. Santana took the smaller hand in hers and pulled it into her lap.

"Just be careful girls, I know this was embarrassing for you just imagine if it was Santana's father or Tim or even worse Tony," both girls shuddered at the thought. They would never live it down if any of them had caught them. "Alright girls I'll be in the kitchen if you need me," Kara said as she made to get up, knowing that understood her message so she assumed the conversation was over.

"Wait, we kinda wanted to talk to you about well um. . . You know," it was surprisingly Rachel who made the move. Santana squeezed her hand to let her know she was still there and proud of her.

"Sex?" Kara finished for her with a curious eyebrow raised as she sat back down facing her foster daughter and her girlfriend. Rachel nodded slowly, keeping her eyes cast downward.

"Okay, well have you guys yet?" She asked seriously, trying to convey through her voice to the young singer that she had nothing to be ashamed of.

"No, no we haven't," Rachel said quickly, while shaking her head furiously. "Well I mean we've done minor stuff," Rachel back tracked honestly not wanting to lie to the woman she sees as her mother.

"Stop right there," Kara said holding up her hand. "That is private between the two of you. You're both adult and I trust you both completely," She said sincerely. Santana let out a small laugh gaining strange look from both Kara and Rachel.

"That almost exactly what my mom said when we talked about this a few days ago," Santana explained.

"So you've already talked to your mother about this?" Kara asked now unsure why they were coming to her if they had already gone to Maria.

"Yea, but Rach wasn't with me and I had a question that she couldn't really answer and she suggested we go to you because you have more experience with this type of situation," The raspy singer explained. Tightening her hand on the small hand that was suddenly shaking.

"Hey baby girl, it's okay. No one is judging you and we're all here for you," Santana whispered to her girlfriend, who nodded and leaned in a little closer. Kara watched the exchanged and had a feeling she knew what the question was going to entail.

"Santana is afraid she's going to set off a panic attack, when we. . . Well, start experimenting more," Rachel explained trying to keep her voice as steady as possible. Kara nodded sadly.

"You might Santana, but that won't be your fault just like it's not your fault Rachel that your body and mind will react that way," She told them gently, noticing how both girls were hanging on her every word.

"Now it won't always be this way, though there may be certain things Rachel that you might never be able to handle. So when you learn what those are just avoid them. As for the stuff you can move past it will take a while but there are technique's you can use to make them pleasant instead of scary," Santana was nodding along with everything, almost wishing she had a piece of paper and a pencil. Then she scolded herself because that sounded like something Rachel would want to do.

"What are those technique's?" Rachel asked forgetting about her for uncomfortable-ness with the conversation and just decided to throw herself into it. This was after all a part of her relationship with her girlfriend.

"There are many. One that I think will work well with you guys is talking. Santana, let's say you're touching an area that may bring up bad memories for Rachel. Talk her through it, let her know it's you and take it slow. Also keep eye contact that will be another reassurance that it's someone who loves her that touching her and not someone who is going to hurt her," The older woman went through the technique slowly, making sure both girls understood what she was saying.

"We actually already did that," Santana confessed with a blush. Kara smiled at her and patted the darker girls knee.

"And how did it work?"

"It actually worked really well, just hearing her voice kept me out that dark place I kept going to before," Rachel confessed with a soft shy smile. Santana smiled back and kissed the smaller girls temple.

"That's good, I think you girls should stick with that, but just in case I'm going to give you two a book with other technique's only use the ones you are comfortable with okay?" She asked typing a reminder in her phone to get the book for the girls. They both nodded.

"But how to I prevent a panic attack before it happens? What if I do something without thinking and just set one off?" Santana asked the desperation to never scare her girlfriend like that could be heard in her voice.

"Just talk to each other, let her know when you're going to try something new. After a while you both will understand how each other's bodies work, what you each like and don't like. And if a panic attack happens then it happens just be there and help her through it, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It just means her mind flashed back," Santana nodded feeling slightly better that they at least had options to help with it.

"Are you both okay? Or did you have any more questions?" She asked not wanting to move unless the girls felt satisfied with the answers she provided. They both nodded letting her know they were fine.

"Alright, and Rachel please don't be afraid to come to me about something like this. I will always be on your side and I will never judge you," She kissed both girls on the head and disappeared into the kitchen to help Maria with dinner.

"Feel better sweetie?" Rachel asked gently caressing the taller girls cheek lovingly.

"A lot better," She confirmed with a smile. "How 'bout you babe?"

"It actually felt really good to be able to have that conversation with her, and to know we have ways to make both of us more comfortable with our particular situation," Rachel told her and it really did feel great to have these technique's.

Santana smiled and pulled Rachel into a heated kiss. Rachel placed her hand on the back of Santana's neck to try to bring her impossibly closer. Santana jumped and let out a loud moan when Rachel sucked on her lip.

"Knock it off girls," they heard Maria and Kara call from the kitchen and once again quickly pulled apart. They stared at each other in shock for a few seconds before they started to laugh uncontrollably. Rachel buried her head in the crook of Santana neck to muffled her laughter as the cheerleader just held the girl close laughing with her and enjoying the sound.


	30. Chapter 30

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 30

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94 for the awesome edit and the awesome idea's!

* * *

><p>"Alright guys, tomorrow is Regionals. You all know this set list inside and out, and we have pulled together as a team and family the past few months," Mr. Schue started his pep talk.<p>

Santana rolled her eyes as he tried to act as if he was the one who pulled them together and came up with this idea of performing songs they had previously done for lessons. Rachel was listening with rapt attention, as he started to relay information he had found out from the judges. The cheerleader kept her arm slung around her girlfriend's shoulders. Watching with an amused smirk as the diva's eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

Everything has been going really great for them after the little fight they had was resolved. No major freak outs from either of them, but with the trial being only around the corner and the distraction of Regionals ending tomorrow. Santana was worried that Rachel was going to start stressing and freaking out. She didn't want her baby to feel any of those feelings that her father brought out in her. Santana herself was internally freaking out, worrying about how Rachel was going to deal with the trial and if she would be able to handle it herself with trying to kill the man who has brought the love of her life so much pain.

Next week they were meeting with the prosecuting lawyer to go over the questions he will ask and prepare her for the type of questions the defense might try to throw her way. Santana took in a deep breath; she just wanted this to be over so that they could finally move on with their lives.

"Baby? You okay?" She heard the voice of the tiny brunette ask. She looked up to find emotional brown eyes filled with love and concern staring at her. She looked around and noticed all the over gleeks have either already left or were packing up their stuff to leave.

"I'm fine sweetheart just thinking," She told her with a small smile, kissing her cheek before she started to gather her own belongings to leave.

"About what?" She asked following her girlfriends example and began packing up as well. Santana froze, she didn't want to cause her girlfriend stress anytime but she definitely did not want to cause it the night before Regionals. It meant to much to both of them, to let that man ruin it, but they had promised no more secrets.

"Just worrying about the trial and how you're going to deal once this distraction is gone," She told her truthfully. Rachel took in a deep breath and glared at the Latina.

"I'm going to be just fine Santana, there's no need to worry," Rachel snapped. She was trying to make it seem as though the thought of the trial didn't bother her, but the fact that the normally non-confrontational girl snapped proved otherwise.

"Rae-Rae it's okay to feel overwhelmed. I feel it too. . ." She tried to reassure but the angry flare in her girlfriend's eyes stopped her cold.

"You have no idea what it feels like," Rachel told her, her voice stiff and tight. Her fists were tightened and her body was visibly shaking.

"I know that Rach, I just meant. . ." She tried to explain herself, but was cut off by her favorite diva.

"Every day is a struggle just to breathe. I hate him for everything he has done to me, what he did to Tony and to you by hurting me. I hate him for having that fight with daddy that caused the heart attack, but worst of all I hate myself for hating him because he's still my dad," Rachel said but no tears fell from her eyes this time.

Anger was building up within her and she had no idea what to do with it. Her fists were shaking, so she did the only thing she could think of and punched the wall behind her. Everything stood still for a minute as the pain slowly registered with her brain.

"Damn it," She screamed clutching her aching fist to her chest.

"Baby. . ." Santana tried rushing forward to check on the injured hand and comfort her girlfriend but Rachel wasn't having it as she pushed her away. The cheerleader was taken aback, hurt because Rachel rarely ever refused a hug from her. Plus she really needed to check that hand.

"Don't. I thought I was okay until he kidnapped me. I thought I had come to accept that he didn't love me and that I still loved him. Now I barely feel anything for him except hate and that scares the hell out of me," Rachel confessed and Santana just stood there not really knowing what to do. She didn't seem to want comfort from her and anything she said was just going to go in one ear and out the other right now.

She just didn't know how to help her girlfriend right now. She had seen Rachel at her worst. When she was emotionless, when she was hysterical, and she has seen her at her best. She had never seen her when she was this angry at what seemed to be the world. Anger was not something her diva usually held in her and she knew Rachel just didn't know how to handle that feeling.

"Let's just concentrate on Regionals tomorrow and then we'll worry about the trial," Rachel reasoned after a few minutes just standing there while she calmed her breathing.

Santana saw her shoulders deflate and quickly gathered the singer in her arms before she could protest. She carefully held the injured hand in hers and inspected each finger with great detail.

"I think you may of fractured hand. Wiggle your fingers for me baby," Santana asked and Rachel complied, wincing as pain flared through her knuckles.

"I'll take you to see my dad at the hospital. He'll fix them in no time," Santana said as she tried to sound encouraging, even though this outburst terrified her. This wasn't her little diva. Her diva threw temper tantrums when she was upset, not punched walls. She wished she had caught this sooner, because she understood being angry and not knowing how to let it out. If she had known she could have helped prevent this outburst from happening.

"We don't need to, I'm sure they'll be fine," Rachel tried to argue. She didn't want to have to explain this to the four adults that have become like her parents.

"Rach, they're already starting to swell and I can tell by your eyes how much pain you are in. We are going to the hospital," She said her voice stern and left no room for arguments.

Rachel finally let the tears that she was trying to hold back fall as the pain started to become too much for her. She nodded and Santana kissed her head softly and then lead her out of the choir room and to her car.

* * *

><p>Being the daughter of a well-known doctor at the hospital really paid off when it came to being seen quickly. Almost as soon as they got there the girls were ushered back into an exam room. Armando came in a few minutes later and shook his head when he saw Rachel's hand.<p>

He began the examination without a word and once the x-ray was back and it was confirmed that Rachel did indeed fracture her hand and after treating it placed her hand in a splint.

"You have to wear that for three weeks and take these pain med's as needed," He said handing her the prescription. Rachel just nodded taking the piece of paper without looking her girlfriend's father in the eyes.

"Will I be able to perform tomorrow?" She asked her voice small and insecure. She would not be able to handle it if she couldn't perform.

"How extensive is the choreography?" He asked hoping he wouldn't have to tell the girl no.

"It's pretty light she'll only have to dance in the group number and that's not hard at all," Santana told her father who nodded.

"You can perform, but please be careful," He warned and she nodded eagerly, willing to agree to anything if it meant she can still perform.

"Alright girls, want to tell me what happened?" He asked with a raised eyebrow as he sat on the stool across from the exam table.

Rachel's body visibly tensed, Santana ran her hand up and down her small back trying to keep her as calm as possible. She really did not want a repeat of what happened in the choir room.

"Some of Rachel's pent up anger come out about her dad," She explained and Armando nodded in understanding. He and everyone else were honestly waiting for Rachel to get angry; she had been able to express every other emotion but that one it seemed. Though he wished she showed it in a more constructive way he's glad that she's finally releasing it. He knew from experience with his own anger problems as a teen, and his daughters anger problems, how damaging it can be when you just let it build up inside. Rachel's fractured hand being a perfect example of it just exploding because it had boiled to the top without ever being dealt with.

"Please tell me you didn't punch someone?" He asked seriously. He really didn't want to deal with another meeting on fighting and he was sure neither did Kara and Tim.

"No, no of course not I hate violence," Rachel said immediately. Armando raised his eyebrow at her and curiously looked from her face to her hand and then back to her face.

"I punched a wall," She confessed quietly. Armando sighed and nodded, he expected as much.

"Rachel, this isn't good. I know what it's like to hold anger in, I did it all the time at your age, and as you know Santana had the same problem for quite some time. You saw what it did to her," Armando explained gently.

"But I wasn't really feeling angry until San brought up my dad and the trial. And sweetheart this is in no way your fault, I asked what you were thinking about and we promised no secrets," Rachel was quick to assure her girlfriend who had a tendency to place blame on herself when Rachel became upset.

"Obviously the anger has been building up for quite a while or this," He said gesturing towards the splinted hand. "Wouldn't have happened."

Rachel sighed and shifted uncomfortably. She didn't like how she felt in the choir room; she felt so out of control of her own feelings. She felt completely disconnected when she hit that wall and that scared her. If she wasn't able to control herself when she got angry, how would she be able to stop herself from hitting someone else and did that make her just as bad as her father?

"I don't usually get angry. This feeling of hate terrifies me, what if I end up just like him?" She asked her good hand tightening around the edge of the exam table.

"Baby, you are nothing like him. I've told you this before," Santana started massaging the back of her girlfriend's neck. "Anger is a normal human emotion. You're angry at your father, which is normal; you are allowed to hate him for what he's done to you. Honey you know I struggle with anger and I know you don't usually allow yourself to get angry. My point is you can come to me when you're feeling these things; I will do everything I can to help you sort them out because they are familiar to me. I don't like that you are feeling like this but please don't hold it in. Scream, cry, rant I know you love to rant," She said gaining a small giggle from the diva.

"Just please don't hold it in, because when you do this happens," She said as she held the injured hand in her own as if it was a delicate piece of glass. "And if there's anything in this world that I hate, it's seeing you hurt," Santana finished as she placed the lightest kiss on the splint covering the tiny hand.

"I don't want to snap at you and say something I might regret, or worse end up physically hurting you because I can't control myself," Rachel said looking away from her girlfriend.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, for the last time you are not your father. Yes, we are going to have fights. Yes, we will say stuff we regret but we will apologize and forgive each other as we have before. One thing I know that will never happen though is either of us hitting the other; because we are better than that. We love each other and I know you know I would never intentionally hurt you, just like I have absolutely no doubt you would ever intentionally hurt me. You know how I know this?" She asked with a small confident smile. Rachel looked at her paying very close attention to everything that came out of the cheerleader's mouth. She nodded eagerly.

"Because if you were going to hurt me like that, you wouldn't be worrying about it happening so much," Rachel thought about that and Santana honestly had a point. Her father never worried about hitting her, he never even apologized for it happening afterwards. The fact that the thought of hitting her girlfriend was enough to make her sick should have been enough to convince her that she would never let it happen.

"You're right, I'm sorry," She apologized for being so dramatic. Santana smiled at her and kissed her cheek sweetly.

"Don't be, just promise me you won't be afraid to talk to me," Rachel nodded holding out her pinky to pinky swear. Santana laughed as she linked their pinkies together and smiled even brighter when Rachel kissed their joined fingers.

"Alright girls I need to go see more patients. Rachel I am calling Kara and Tim to let them know what happened," Rachel groaned but Armando just gave her a pointed look.

"Take it easy until tomorrow's competition. I love you both and I'll see you two later," He kissed them both on the head and left the exam room as the girls gathered their stuff so that they could head back to Rachel's.

* * *

><p>Kara and Tim were not happy about the fractured hand. They gave the diva a long lecture about more constructive ways to release her anger. Then Kara got all psychologist on her and told her how it was normal to start having these feelings with the trial approaching. She also assured Santana that her concerns were normal and that they would do everything they could to make sure neither her nor Rachel were overwhelmed by the trial.<p>

They spent the night relaxing and going over the choreography for Born this Way to make sure it wasn't going to injure Rachel anymore. They didn't find anything that seemed problematic, which put Santana more at ease. The diva tended to get a little crazier than normal closer to competition time. Though she was supposed to be resting, she was going over every little detail about their performance tomorrow, making sure there weren't any last minute holes she needed to fill. Santana didn't even bother trying to stop her, knowing it would be useless. Instead she helped her, that way it would take some work off of her shoulders.

"I told you baby, everything is perfect. We have planned this set list to a Tee," Santana said finally having enough after going over the entire performance for the eighth time. Rachel sighed and nodded too tired to argue. She climbed onto her bed and cuddled into her girlfriend's side.

"I just don't want any slip ups. This is our last shot at Nationals," Rachel confessed burying her cold toes under Santana's legs to warm them.

"Why don't you just put on some socks?" Santana asked with a laugh, which only caused Rachel to stick her tongue out at her. She knew Santana didn't really mean it, she was more than happy to share her body heat with the smaller girl who tended to get cold easily.

"I know sweetie and we are going to kill it up there tomorrow. Our set list is amazing and everything is planned perfectly. Whatever happens, happens but we are going to get up on that stage tomorrow, give it everything we've got and have fun," Santana encouraged; she looked down at the smaller girl with a confident smile.

"You're right; there is no point to winning if we can't have fun. Plus if I let this stress me out the judges will notice and then we really won't win," Rachel reasoned out loud.

"That's right baby," She agreed with a kiss to the diva's hair. She checked the time on her phone and sighed. She started to disentangle herself from Rachel, who whimpered and tried to hold on tighter.

"Baby, I have to go my parents want me home tonight," Santana explained her voice not hiding the obvious distain she had for leaving as well.

"No, stay," Rachel whined, her good hand balling Santana's shirt into her fist.

"I can't, it's only for tonight honey. We'll see each other tomorrow I promise," After a few minutes, Rachel's hold on her girlfriends shirt loosened. She nodded knowing the Latina was right. They could handle one night away from each other. They have done it before.

"I'll see you at the bus bright and early tomorrow. Sweet dreams baby girl," Santana said, kissing her on the lips sweetly.

"Sweet dreams 'Tana," Rachel said back already falling asleep; the events of the day finally catching up with her. Santana smiled down on the tired girl. She gave her one last lingering kiss on the head, before quietly stepping out of the room and making her way home.

The next day Tim dropped Rachel and Artie off at the school parking lot. They were the first ones there, which was really no surprise considering Rachel obsessive need to be early for everything.

"Are you two going to be okay here by yourselves?" He asked while helping Artie out of the van.

"I'm sure we'll be fine. Everyone else will start showing up soon and plus we have each other," Rachel said with an ensuring smile. Which Artie also gave his father. Tim though was still weary, ever since Rachel was kidnapped he was very careful about leaving his children alone or letting them go someone he doesn't know about.

"They'll be fine Tim, I give you my word as a Lopez," Santana said stepping up behind her girlfriend. Who squealed and threw her arms around the Latina as if she hadn't seen her in weeks, when in reality it was only just last night.

"Your word as a Lopez, that's a pretty big promise there," Tim teased with a smile. Santana smirked back.

"Not when you're as awesome as I am," Santana joked back. Tim laughed at the young girl and nodded.

"That you are. I'll see you kids at the competition, good luck if I don't see you guys before you go on," with that he got back into the van and left the three teenagers waiting in the empty parking lot.

"What are you doing here so early Satan? Thought you would be one of the last ones here, considering I have seen how miserable you are in the morning," Artie teased his sister's girlfriend.

"You're not any ray of sunshine in the morning either Wheels. I swear I thought I entered a war zone the last time I reached for the coffee before you could get at it," Santana shot right back, raising a daring eyebrow at the wheelchair bound boy. He only laughed and agreed.

"To answer your question, I knew Rach would get you guys here ridiculously early. So I thought I would come keep you guys company and make sure nothing bad happened to either of you," Santana explained standing up a little straighter and puffing out her chest in over confidence.

"Admit it; you just couldn't stay away from me for another second. Could you?" Rachel asked joining the fun.

"I would never deny that one babe," Santana said proudly. She leaned down and captured her lips, bringing their bodies as close as possible.

They lost themselves as they always did, forgetting where they were and who they were with. The feelings of soft lips giving both of them the feeling of home and the unique taste of the other intoxicating them. They were going past the point where they should be coming up for air, making Artie extremely uncomfortable. Not only was one of them his sister, but he almost felt like he was intruding on something so personal and private that he just shouldn't be watching. So he awkwardly cleared his throat, causing both girls to springs apart in surprise at the sudden noise. They both blushed as they saw not only Artie was there watching them but half of New Directions had shown up and was now gaping at them. Seriously, how long were they kissing?

"Seriously you guys act like you never seen us kiss before," Santana recovered first, so glad that her tanned skin covered up most of her blush. Rachel however who was no good at hiding when she was shy or embarrassed hid her face in Santana's neck away from her gawking friends.

"Not like that. That made me want to bleach my eyes," Kurt said snapping out of his shock and made a dramatic show of rubbing his eyes.

"Even I have to admit that was probably something too intimate for us to see," Puck stated shocking everyone. "What? That was like the most private and personal kiss I've ever seen," this only caused everyone's mouth to hang more.

"Dude, it was to girls kissing, who cares about how 'personal' and 'intimate' it was," Finn tried to whisper but failed as Santana growled at him and hugged Rachel closer to her chest.

"Shut up man, it's my lesbro and Jewish princess it's totally different," Puck tried to defend himself. He was honestly turned on by the scene, but it still felt wrong to watch because of how passionate yet loving it was.

"Whatever you say bro," Finn replied so not getting it. He was slowly getting over Rachel, and was just starting to get to a place where he was comfortable with the two being all loving and cutesy. He still made dumb ass comments though, but since he actually didn't mean them the way they sounded Santana for the most part let them go. For the most part. . .

"Alright guys ready to take on Regionals!" Mr. Schue said, unknowingly interrupting the group. Santana looked at the time on her phone and rolled her eyes: late as usual.

They all shouted yea, and proceeded to make their way onto the bus. Santana felt Rachel stiffen beside her. The memories of what happened at Sectionals coming back to her.

"Hey, you're okay. He can't hurt you anymore," Santana said reassuringly as the bus roared to life and started to make its way to the school hosting Regionals this year.

"I know it's just every performance has been about pleasing him. I don't think I know how to enjoy performing anymore," Rachel confessed wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. The bus ride would be fairly long this time so she wanted to get as comfortable as possible.

"But you love singing, you enjoy performing when you do it for us in the choir room," Brittany piped up from where she was sitting behind them next to Artie.

"But that's just for the love of doing it. This is a competition; my dad trained me to believe that if I didn't win then everything was for nothing. I don't want it feel like that anymore," Santana tightened her arms around the petite frame.

"You don't have to baby. Your father took the love of performing on stage from you, because he didn't want you happy. Today is the beginning of you getting that love and enjoyment back for yourself. This is for you Rae-Rae no one can take this away," Santana whispered close to her ear. Rachel took the raspy singers hand in hers and began to nervously play with her fingers as she nodded.

"You're going to be great baby and no matter what we are all proud of you. Not just because you're a great singer but because you have the courage to go after what you love even after someone tries to taint it," Rachel let a little smile form on her lips. She could do this; she had the love and support of not only Santana, but her new family and all her friends. She wasn't doing this alone and that gave her the courage to follow through with this.

* * *

><p>When they got there they didn't even have time to say a quick hello to their families that were able to make it for the performance. They had just made it in time to sign in and were quickly ushered to the back room where they could start getting ready. Rachel briefly caught a glimpse of Tim and Kara, and Santana's family with a bored but supportive looking Tony.<p>

Rachel was expertly curling Santana's hair when Finn walked up to them. With that innocent boy next door smile, only this time it actually seemed genuine.

"Hey guys, I just wanted to wish both of you luck you there. With your solo, Santana, and your duet with Quinn, Rachel, I know you're both going to be amazing," He said rubbing the back of his neck nervously, before turning to walk away.

"Finn wait," Rachel called out. When the boy turned around she gave a friendly smile.

"Good luck to you as well," Rachel said; Santana nodded her head in agreement.

"What she said Frankenteen, we're all going to kill it up there," She said with a smile that let him know that nickname was only meant for teasing and not any malice. He smiled at them one more time before going back to getting ready himself.

"Well that was strange," Santana commented with a laugh.

"He's trying; I think he's almost ready to finally move on. He's been a lot more supportive of our relationship lately. Just the other say I saw him tell Lexi off for saying stuff about us," Rachel said nonchalantly, putting down the curling iron and picking on the golden ribbon to tie in Santana's hair.

"Wait that bitch is starting stuff again?" Santana demanded turning in her seat. This caused Rachel to huff as her work was interrupted.

"She never really stopped, she's just quieter about it now," Rachel explained, turning her back around so she could finish her hair.

"I swear if I hear her, there's going to be fucking bloodshed," Santana threatened with a low, dangerous growl.

"There will be no such thing Santana Alejandra Lopez," The young Latina shrank at the sound of her middle name. Only two people knew how to make her do that and that was Rachel and her mother.

"But babe, I don't like her saying shit about you," Santana weakly tried to protest.

"I don't like that she's saying stuff about you either. . ." She started.

"I don't care if she talks about me, I don't want her talking about you," Santana cut in facing the diva the minute she was done tying the bow.

"My point," She huffed annoyed at being interrupted. "Is that yes, we both hate that she's talking, but she's not doing anything that is directly hurting us. Honey we are going to have people talk about us our whole lives and a lot of it won't be nice. We need to choose what battle to fight because we can't fight them all. Even though you think you're superwoman," She added with a smile caressing the cheek of the pouting girl.

"I am superwoman," She mumbled under her breath. Rachel just rolled her eyes in amusement.

"This is a battle to fight, she has proven to be a major problem in the past and I want to stop her before she feels powerful enough to try to tear us down again," She tried to reason but she could tell Rachel wasn't having any of it.

"Nothing she says or does could ever tear us down again. After everything we've been through anything Lexi could ever even dream of throwing at us would just like an annoying fly. Anyway she knows if she starts anything directly with us she would be in major trouble," Rachel explained gently wrapping her arms around her girlfriend's waist. Santana sighed and her shoulders slumped in defeat. Rachel mentally cheered because she knew she had one this round.

"Alright fine, but she even breaths wrong when she around you, I'm taking matters into my own hands," Santana threatened as a way to help make her feel better. Rachel only laughed and shook her head affectedly at the girl.

When it was their turn to perform, both Santana and Rachel were both on opposite sides of the stage. Both were nervous and anxious. Santana was nervous about how Rachel was holding up and about how her own solo would turn out whilst Rachel was nervous about freaking out when she got on stage and nervous for Santana. This solo was different from Valerie. It held a special place in Santana's heart; it was the song that helped her come out. She was basically baring her soul to the audience and Rachel was hoping the normally closed in girl would be able to let go and show her emotions like she did that day in the choir room

"You know she's going to be fine," Rachel heard from behind her. She turned to find Brittany standing there with an amused smirk on her face.

"I hope so, she worked so hard for this she deserves to have that moment in the spotlight," Rachel gushed with a bright smile. She was so proud of how far her girlfriend had come from the scared little girl who used to hide behind insults and boys to mask her pain. Though she still has trouble talking about her feelings, she's been able to express them through music and watching Santana perform a song that means something to her was absolutely mesmerizing.

"She does deserve this and she's going to nail it because she's had you behind her the whole way," Brittany said making Rachel smile even brighter. She loved that someone else thought she was good for Santana, she knew most people thought that but it was nice to actually hear it.

"You deserve this as well, you've worked so hard and you're so talented. You deserve to go up there have your moment, free from all the weight your father use to throw on you," Brittany said her tone suddenly soft and gently.

"I know that too," She said with a small nod. "It's just hard to believe sometimes," Rachel confessed, Brittany stepped forward and embraced her tiny friend in a tight hug. A Brittany hug was like no other. It was warm and strong filled with the very innocence and love that is Brittany; it could make a person feel safe on the worst day of their lives.

"Don't worry about San or anything else, just go up there and do what you do best. Be a star," they had to get in the queue to get into their places, so they gave each one last hug before doing just that.

The performance went off without a hitch. Santana opened with an amazing emotional performance of "Constant Cravings" followed by an equally emotional adaption of "I Feel Pretty / Unpretty" performed by Quinn and Rachel. Then last the group performance of "Born This Way" tied it all together.

When the lights went down they quickly made their way off the stage. Santana and Rachel found each other amongst the chaos. They threw themselves into each other arms and locked their lips together.

"You were so amazing 'Tana, I'm so found of how open you were. That performance was spectacular," Rachel gushed bouncing with excitement in her girlfriend's arms. Santana smiled though bit her lip a little when she looked down and noticed Rachel's breast bouncing with her body slightly. She couldn't stop the inappropriate thoughts and images that ran through her mind. She quickly shook her head to clear it and smiled at her hyper girlfriend.

"Not as amazing as you baby girl. You were born for the stage," Santana praised back which made Rachel smile even wider.

Santana had not seen a smile like that on Rachel in a long time. This was her at her happiest, she was able to do what she loved the most with the people she loved the most. This is what made her so grateful for everyday she was alive. Before they knew it they were being called back to the stage so that the winner could be announced. Rachel and Santana interlocked their fingers the nerves were back full force as they waited as the dramatic drawn out results were revealed. Rachel felt Brittany place her hand on her shoulder since her other hand was still in the splint, and Santana smiled as Quinn took her free hand. The first group whose name they didn't really catch was named third. So they stood there side by side the Warblers and awaited the final result that may or may not send them to Nationals.

"And the winner of the 2012 Regional Show Choir Competition is. . . New Directions," The announcer finally revealed causing a loud cheer from the crowd to explode as the group celebrated on stage.

"We're going to Nationals baby!" Santana exclaimed joyfully, picking up the petite girl and spinning her around.

"And this year we're going to win I can feel it," Rachel replied and Santana couldn't help but kiss her right there on stage for everyone present to see.

Outside, the group was praised by their families. Rachel was currently caught in the middle of a crushing hug by both Kara and Tim exclaiming how wonderfully talented their daughter is, before finally releasing her to give the same treatment to their son who was currently talking with Brittany's father. Rachel looked over at Santana who was being hugged by Maria and patted on the back by Armando.

"You were stunning mija, you truly surprised me with how moving that performance was," Maria said to her daughter sweetly hugging her a little tighter.

"We are so proud of you San," Armando added with that proud father smile.

"Thanks," Santana said shyly her cheeks turning red. For all her progress on everything she was having trouble accepting praise.

"Rachel!" Her mother suddenly exclaimed letting her go and engulfing the tiny diva her arms.

"We are so proud of you too dear, that was an amazing performance and accomplishment you tackled today," She whispered in her ear so that only she could hear. She knew this was a big step for Rachel, getting back up on that stage after everything her father put her through truly showed how far she has come in her recovery.

"Thank you, I had a lot of help with the Abrams', you guys and Dr. Cordell, and I definitely could never have done it without Santana by my side," Rachel said shyly shuffling her feet from side to side.

"Don't sell yourself short honey. Yes, you had help getting here but today was all you," Maria stressed. Rachel nodded and hugged the older woman again.

"Excuse me but I would just like to say kissing on stage like that was highly inappropriate," A woman said who seemed to have come out of nowhere. She was wearing a T-Shirt in support of the team that got third so Rachel knew this probably wasn't going to go anywhere good.

"I apologize if you offended you ma'am, but please understand we were excited. This is my girlfriend's and my last chance at Nationals, we were just so elated that we lost ourselves for a moment," Rachel responded politely to the obviously offended woman.

"Now listen right here young lady, I am not homophobic but. . ." the lady began but was immediately cut off by Mama Lopez.

"I assure you miss, anyone who starts out with a statement like that is bound to say something extremely prejudice. So would advise you to just walk away before you make a fool of yourself," Maria stated in a deceivingly sweet voice, but her eyes where glimmering dangerously at the woman, daring her to try to say one word against her daughter and her daughter's girlfriend, because the lawyer in her was just dying to be unleashed on the bigot. She seemed to think about it for a moment before huffing and walking away. Maria and Rachel shook their heads at her, never understanding how someone would be able to justify ruining a person's obvious happiness just so they could try to prove a point that was just ignorant.

"What was that about?" Santana asked coming back over after talking with her dad.

"Nothing, just another life form that doesn't like our PDA," Rachel said with dramatic flair.

"Oh yeah?" Santana questioned with a raised eyebrow. Rachel nodded and giggled when Santana pulled her in for a passionate long kiss. The Latina smiled and waved at the gawking woman who just stomped away even further from the group. The couple just laughed; nothing would bring them down from this wonderful day. Not even ignorant people who wanted to tear them down.


	31. Chapter 31

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 31

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94! Also I am sorry it took so long to get this chapter to you guys. Life just kind of hit all at once, hopefully the next one won't take as long.

* * *

><p>Santana sat there with her leg shaking nervously. She was at her first appointment with her shrink, since she told Rachel she would start going regularly again. Dr. Cassandra Wesley, who allowed Santana to call her Cassie because it made her feel more comfortable, sat there waiting patiently for the young Latina to start. She didn't even really know where to begin; she had so many emotions waging a war inside her that she didn't know how to handle any of them. The only one that was familiar was anger and she didn't want to give in to that one.<p>

"Santana why don't we start with how you're feeling about the trial? It's coming up soon, right?" Cassie asked gaining the younger girls attention who nodded.

"I'm terrified," was her simple answer. Being terrified wasn't that new, that was what led to most of her anger.

"Why are you terrified?" The doctor asked patiently.

"A lot of reasons," She replied and paused for a minute and sighed when she realized Cassie was waiting for her to continue.

"I'm terrified that Rachel isn't going to be able to handle it, I'm terrified something is going to happen and he'll get off and I'm terrified that I won't be able to handle it. That I might try to strangle that. . . Man the moment I see him, because I hate him so much for what he has done to the woman I love and my little brother, who he has never even met," Santana rambled shooting up from her chair and began pacing the room.

"Rachel will do just fine at the trial Santana, as will you, because you have each other for support. As well as the support of your family, a lot of victims don't have that," Cassie explained calmly. Her pacing not even bothering her in the least, she was used to it by now.

"I know, everyone has been reminding us of that daily. It's still hard though, I'm going to have to sit there and tell everyone what I saw that night we rescued Rachel. I never want to relive seeing her like that," Santana confessed sinking back into her chair placing her head in her hands.

"Why don't you try telling me about that night? Maybe telling it to someone you know and trust first will help," Cassie offered and Santana thought about it.

She did trust Cassie; she was the second person she came out to. She had seen a picture of her and two older women on her desk and asked her about it. That's when she found out Cassie was the daughter of two loving mothers and that's how she opened up to her about being gay herself. Cassie, along with Brittany helped her come out to her parents and she was there when her grandmother rejected her. If she could tell her what she saw first maybe it wouldn't be so hard to tell it to strangers and in front of Rachel a second time.

So she told her everything, from how she got that feeling at sectionals. How she begged Rachel to stay the night with her because of her feeling. How that phone call made her blood run cold. Then how the sight of Rachel's bloody and broken body made her physically sick. She thought she was going to lose her that night and Rachel begging her to not take her to the hospital because she thought she would get into more trouble made her want to punch something or really someone. Cassie nodded and took notes, handing the cheerleader some tissue's when she began crying.

"I still don't know if I can do that on the stand," Santana confessed when she was done, looking pale and feeling sick.

"You can and you will," the psychiatrist said with confidence. Santana looked at her still unsure.

"How do you know?" She asked seemingly desperate for the answer so that she could feel confident enough to go through with this.

"Because this will help Rachel stay safe and I know you will do anything to keep her safe," Santana smiled and nodded but then she frowned again and looked up at the older woman.

"How will this help though? I didn't even see him, we got there after he left," Santana asked suddenly unsure of how what she saw could help Rachel when I good argument could be made that anyone could have broken into the house and done that to her.

"It will help, what you saw will help. The fact that he wasn't there is suspicious enough, why would a man who worked a day job be out of the house at two am, and leave his seventeen year old daughter home alone," Santana thought about it for a moment and that made sense. Sure Lima was a pretty safe town, but still they had the occasional break in. Plus the Berry house was a target for hate crimes all the time, no father would leave their daughter alone that late at night if they didn't have to. "And what you heard at sectionals is even more incriminating."

"Okay, as long as it will help Rachel," Santana said with determination. If it kept her little diva safe then it was worth showing her emotions to a bunch of strangers.

"Do you want to talk about when Rachel went missing?" Cassie asked cautiously. Santana froze, she knew that was the main reason she had agreed to do these sessions regularly again - the feelings that event brought out in her scared her the most and she wasn't sure how to talk about them.

"Santana?" Cassie asked waving her hand in front of blank eyes, snapping Santana back to reality.

"Yes?" She asked pretending to have forgotten the question.

"I asked if you want to talk about when Rachel went missing?" She re-asked. The raspy singer took in a deep breath.

"It sucked, Rachel made a decision that she thought was protecting me. When in reality only ended up almost giving me the worst pain I will ever feel in my life. I know we have only been together for a short while, but I can honestly say I love her and if she died I would die. Maybe not physically, but emotionally," Santana explained her voice heavy and thick with emotion that she was trying and failing to hold back.

"I'm in no way questioning your love for her, it's very clear to anyone with eyes," Cassie said with a smile, which Santana returned. "Now I know you have heard this already but Rachel was not competent in that moment to make her own decision, and because no one knew about it no one could have stopped her. That's not your fault, it's not your mom's fault for letting her leave and it's not Rachel's fault," Santana sighed at that explanation. She knew this already, she had accepted it and she did not blame anyone but Hiram for any of this. What she needed was information on how to deal with the nightmares and clinginess that had come from this event.

"I know that, I promise I don't blame anyone. I keep having nightmares though, with Rachel dying at the end and I feel anxious whenever I don't know where she is. I mean this can't be normal," Santana confessed wrapping her arms around herself, she felt herself getting anxious just thinking about those nightmares. She had to remind herself that Rachel was with Artie, Brittany, Quinn and Rory right now being a fifth wheel while they waited for her. Those four would never let anything happen to her.

"I assure you Santana, it is very normal. We can talk about some technique's to help with the nightmare's and to help you relax when you're away from her, because let's be honest you're not going to know where she is all the time," Santana nodded eagerly as they spent the last thirty minutes going over some of the technique's she could try and review how they worked at next weeks session.

* * *

><p>As Santana approached the duck pond, she had to contain herself from running over to Rachel taking her in her arms and just squeezing the life out of her. Even the short hour and a half they were apart was too much for Santana. She didn't how she handled those nights that their parents made them spend apart… actually she did know, she didn't. Nightmares were all she got those nights.<p>

Brittany noticed and waved her over eagerly, holding up a piece of crumbled bread she was feeding to the ducks. Rachel looked over and smiled at her girlfriend. The cheerleader smiled back, she gave the diva a kiss hello when she approached and then walked over to help the tall blonde feed the ducks. Rachel watched her curiously, it wasn't unusual for her to go directly to helping Brittany when they were at the duck pond, but what was unusual was her not dragging Rachel right behind her so that they could still be close even though her attention wasn't really on the small singer. Santana felt a pull of panic not having Rachel close, even though she was really only a few feet away and she was sitting with Quinn, Rory and Artie while she helped Britt. This wasn't natural to her, not having the diva right by her side, but she had to let herself become comfortable with the idea that nothing will happen to Rachel just because she's not there. They both were going to need to be apart sometimes whether it is unwillingly due to commitment or just needing some time to themselves so that they didn't drive each other crazy. This was a small step to being able to obtain that.

"Do you think I did something to upset her?" Rachel asked the couple and the wheelchair bound boy before her worriedly.

"Rach, she's just feeding the ducks with Britt. Chill out," Quinn told her, as she laughed at the panic look on her best friends face.

"But she always pulls me over with her. I must have done something, she didn't even say hello," She pointed out with a huff.

"That kiss looked like a pretty good hello to me," Artie said with a laugh, nudging his blushing sister with a smirk. Seriously it was too easy, that kiss was only a peck and Rachel was completely red because someone mentioned it.

"She probably just wants some time alone with Brittany. I mean they are best friend right?" Rory offered with a kind smile. Quinn smiled at him and laced their fingers together.

"Oh my, you're right. They haven't had best friend time together in a long time, I should have seen that she wanted to be alone with her best friend, I mean they're practically sisters they should be able to hang out without me," Rachel ranted, suddenly worrying over that she might have kept Santana from having personal space and alone time with her friends.

"Sisters that use to sleep together," Artie joked, only to be hit by Quinn who was now glaring at him.

"Ow, well it's true. We all know San would never hurt Rachel and vice versa, and I'm sure Rach knows that. Plus I know Britt would never do that to me or betray Rach like that," Artie tried to defend his joke. Looking to Rory for support, but the Irish boy just shook his head. He was not getting into this one and possibly pissing off his sometimes very scary girlfriend.

"I do know that Artie and I trust Santana completely as she trusts me. I also know Brittany would never do that to either of us. Still I prefer not to hear of her past relations if you would be so kind as to not bring it up again," Rachel said diplomatically.

Honestly Santana and Brittany's history didn't really bother her as much as her past relationships with boys. When she was with Brittany she was being herself but when she was with boys she was hiding and thought she had to have many relationships just to convince others she was someone she wasn't. Everyone has a past and she was happy that Santana had that time with Brittany and they were still able to be the best of friends even after everything they went through together.

"Rach, just talk to her and find out why she didn't drag you over with her, before you start planning out alone time for you guys," Quinn responded, she knew her best friend was already planning on how to make up for something she may not even have to make up for. Rachel thought about it for a moment before nodding. Quinn was right, she needed to talk to Santana before she did something crazy that may be interrupted wrong and hurt their relationship.

Over with Brittany and Santana the two were feeding the ducks the last of the crumbled up bread. Santana loved going to the duck pond with Brittany. It was a special place for them; they had met at the duck pond a few days before they started kindergarten and have been inseparable ever since. This was a place they knew to go to when they felt lost and needed their best friend and the other always knew to find them there. Santana found herself there a lot since seventh grade when she realized she was noticing the girls in her class more than the boys. Even though Brittany never asked questions she was always there to find her and just sit with her.

"You know Rachel's over there, going crazy trying to figure out what she did wrong right?" Brittany asked with a smirk.

"What?" Her eyes went wide with panic, ready to turn around and run to her petite girlfriend and reassure her, she did nothing wrong.

"Calm down San, she'll be fine," Brittany assured as she stopped her from moving and handed her more crumbled bread. Santana huffed and went back to feeding the ducks that hadn't got any. Brittany was all about equal sharing, so Santana made sure no duck was left un-fed otherwise it would upset the blonde dancer.

"She needs this as much as you do," Brittany said as she kneeled down to her favorite duck that wasn't afraid to eat from her hand.

"What are you talking about B?" Santana asked.

"You both need to learn that it okay to be without each other sometimes, duh," Brittany said as if it was obvious.

"Britt how do you know that? I just talked about it with my shrink twenty minutes ago," Brittany smirked at Santana dumbfounded face.

"I know you better than anyone San, even Rachel. You need to learn that Rachel won't get hurt every time you're not with her and Rachel needs to learn. . . Well Rachel needs to learn that it okay to be alone sometimes in general," Brittany pondered, her face telling Santana that she had just figured that one out.

"I know Rachel has abandonment issues and stuff like that and we're working on that," Brittany gave a nod of approval. She didn't like that Rachel felt afraid that they were all going to just up and leave her one day.

"What about you?" Brittany asked, wiping away the last of the bread crumbs before she looked at Santana waiting for an answer.

"I'm working on it. This was the first step, being even this far away from her when we're somewhere anything can happen if hard," Santana explained, keeping her all her senses alert still even while she was standing there talking to the dancer.

"Anything can happen anywhere, even when you're home. She proved that, but that doesn't mean you need to keep her on a leash either," The blonde scolded lightly.

"God B, you make it sound as if I treat her like a dog," Santana huffed indignantly.

"I'm sorry, you know that's not how I meant it," Brittany apologized and the raven haired beauty nodded.

"This is a good first step, but I think you should talk to Rach about it. Come up with a plan, like days when you hang out with me and she hangs out with Quinn or versa vice," Santana couldn't help but smile at her friend's cute mix up. Words may confuse her but emotions sure as hell didn't.

"Vice versa Britt," She corrected with an affectionate smile.

"That what I said. Anyway you both were comfortable with that before she went missing, with a little time you both will be comfortable with it again and then we can help Rae with her being left behind issue," She suggested and Santana nodded knowing it was for the best, because with their huge personalities they were bound to get on each others nerves sooner or later if they didn't get some time to themselves.

* * *

><p>Santana noticed right away how Rachel calmed down when they walked back over to the group and she took her seat next to the diva and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. She felt calmer as well, and they probably were always going to feel this way around each other, but they needed to learn how not to feel so anxious when the other wasn't around. They were going to kill themselves worrying about the other the way they were going.<p>

Santana just didn't know whether she should have this conversation with Rachel before or after the trial. She felt like Rachel needed her right now and honestly she needed Rachel. She didn't feel like now was time to be experimenting with time apart. The trial was only a few days away, this conversation could wait and it would have to wait because when they got back to the diva's house Mr. Peyton, the ADA for Rachel's case was waiting for them in the living room with Kara and Tim.

"What's going on, I thought all the prepping was over?" Rachel asked her voice becoming soft and unsure as she slid closer to her girlfriend, who grabbed her hand and squeezed it for comfort and encouragement.

"It was, but some new evidence has come into play," Mr. Peyton explained. His voice was strong and bold. His overall look was strict and no nonsense, but his eyes were soft and filled with compassion for the victims he helped get justice for.

"What kind of new evidence?" Santana asked heedfully. She felt Rachel shaking beside her and thought, not for the first time, that maybe the diva wouldn't be able to handle this. Then after that thought she wanted to slap herself, of course she could handle this. She was the strongest girl she knows.

"Evidence that makes your credibility questionable Santana," He explained carefully, he knew from past meetings with Santana that the girl was a fire cracker and could blow up at anything that would trigger her very short fuse.

"What the hell do you mean, evidence that questions my credibility. That man held a knife to my girlfriends back in front of a bunch of cops, I'm pretty sure his credibility is questionable," Santana yelled letting go of Rachel's hand as she started to pace the room. She started to shout a string of Spanish curse words, Rachel cringed at the few she understood and moved to try to calm the impassioned Latina.

"Baby, calm down please," She tried to reach out to her but the cheerleader just shrugged her off. This agitated the Jewish diva, as she huffed and placed her hands on her hips.

"Santana Alejandra Lopez, stop this nonsense right now and calm the fuck down," The combination of her full name and her normally proper girlfriend swearing stopped Santana short of her rant to look at the diva with wide shocked eyes.

"Now are you going to behave?" She asked her voice showing that she was still clearly not amused. Santana nodded dumbly as the short brunette retook her hand for support and to also give support.

"Please continue Mr. Peyton," Rachel offered calmly. Tim and Kara made room for the girls on the couch between them. Tim kept a cautious hand on the fierce Latina, while Kara took Rachel free hand as they waited for Mr. Peyton to continue.

"Now while we were looking into Rachel's past to find anything that the defense might use against her, we found some teachers and students have talked about you being a bully Santana. More specifically a bully to Rachel," the middle aged man brought up carefully. The minute he said it he knew the information was true, if the guilt in the cheerleaders eyes were any clue.

"The fact that we found it so easily, I can assure you the defense has found it as well and will use it when they question you Santana. Now this will only be them trying to salvage what little they have of a defense, you cannot let them get under your skin. They want to get a rise out of you and place doubt in the juror's minds," He explained, he watched as the muscles in her body tensed ready to go on the defense. He observed the small Jewish girl squeeze her girlfriends hand a little tighter and this made Santana deflate and look at him questionable instead as if she wanted to kill him for just being the messenger.

"What exactly are they hoping to accomplish by bringing up my past," Santana asked in a tone between cautious and angry.

"They are probably going to be trying to make your story sound flawed. Like why would Rachel call you when you guys hated each other? Or why did you go from seemingly hating her to being her greatest supporter."

"Wait just a minute, are you trying to tell us that they may be trying to blame that night on Santana?" Rachel jumped in her voice heightening in anger, unable to keep up a strong appearance after what she just heard.

"They may very well try that, but as Santana pointed out earlier. He held you at knife point in front of a hand full of police officers. He is not very credible himself," Mr. Peyton tried to assure her, but the diva didn't hear a word of that. She felt her blood starting to boil; the anger that she had been trying to control since it had come out the day before sectionals was beginning to show again. Santana could see that and immediately jumped into action.

"Baby, calm down, everything is going to be fine, we're not going to let this trip us up okay. It's our turn to win against him. Let him throw the past at me, I will not deny my mistakes but they cannot try to imply I do not love you, because I do. I love you with all my heart," Santana said softly, smiling sweetly at Rachel. Whose harsh breathing was beginning to slow and her anger was starting to dissipate.

"I love you too," Rachel replied in a whisper, as she gave the slightly taller girl a quick but sweet peck on the lips.

"How do I handle this on the stands?" Santana asked calmly. She wanted to freak out as much as Rachel did, but she needed to stay calm for her diva because she was hanging on by a very think thread right now. She needed to make sure her girlfriend remained strong and confident at least until after the trial, then she would be there for her and they could both have a good break down together.

"I think you won't have any problem proving how much you love her, just tell the truth and don't lose your temper," Santana nodded. It was going to be difficult to not lose her temper but she was going to do everything in her power to not let them get under her skin, because she would be damned before she let him win. Mr. Peyton gave a few more words of advice before he left. The girls cuddled on the couch and watched a movie trying to keep their minds off of what would be happening in only a few days.

* * *

><p>Rachel woke up the morning of the trial because someone was constantly kicking her. She groaned and rubbed the sleep from her eyes before looking down at Santana to find her tossing and turning next to her. Sweat was dripping from her forehead as tiny little whimpers escaped her throat. Rachel felt her heart break and wanted to slap herself for not realizing what pain and terror Santana must be going through because of this day as well.<p>

"Santana, wake up. It's only a dream baby. I'm right here, wake up honey, I'm right here," Rachel continued to whisper in her ear and comfortingly kiss her temple until the cheerleader snapped out of her nightmare with a start.

"Shh it's okay sweetie, you're okay," Rachel continued to comfort, running her fingers with raven locks while Santana caught her breath and her sleep hazed mind cleared. When she calmed she looked over at her girlfriend with concerned eyes. Only to meet the same concern reflected in them.

"Rae-Rae are you okay? Did something happen?" She asked ready to help at the first sign of a break down.

"I'm fine baby. You were having a nightmare, so I woke you up," the Jewish girl explained gently never stopping her gently massage on the girls scalp. She smiled with relief as she felt her muscles relax.

"I don't even remember the dream," Santana admitted lying her head on her girlfriends shoulder and letting herself get lost in the amazing feelings of Rachel playing with her hair.

"I'm sure it was just nerves about today," Rachel said but she immediately wished she hadn't as she felt the raven haired girls muscles tense all over again.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up this early in the morning," Rachel tried to apologize but Santana stopped her.

"Don't, you can talk about it as much as you want. This is going to harder on you then any of us and I know you're holding back right now because you're afraid to upset me, but you need to get out all those feelings now because it's not healthy to hold them in and you need to be strong in that court room today," Santana explained gently sitting up and cupping the girls cheek. She looked into soft chocolate eyes just beginning to brim with tears just waiting to be shed.

"I don't think I can be strong, not in front of him," Rachel confessed letting the tears finally fall.

"Yes, you can. Didn't you tell me last time he had you, you tried to stand up to him. That took strength baby," Santana encouraged gently.

"Yeah, tried and failed," Rachel scoffed trying to turn her head away.

"That was in a situation you had no control in. You will have control in that court room. When you feel like you're about to give up just find me and focus on me because you will always be safe when I'm around," Santana said as she gave her the warm smile that made Rachel heart melt.

"Okay, I think I can do that. As long as you do the same with me, because I know it's not going to be easier for you to be in the same room as him and not strangle him," Rachel said with a slight appearance of a smirk.

"Of course I can do that baby," Santana smiled back. Rachel leaned in and gave the raspy singer a deep kiss. Both pouring their emotion and taking what the needed from the other.

During breakfast, Rachel's nerves were starting to show more. Kara was constantly encouraging her to eat something as the diva just pushed her breakfast around her plate. Santana wasn't doing much better but was trying to keep up a stronger front for Rachel's sake. When the Latina finished her own breakfast, she slid closer to the Jewish girl. She picked up the spoon for the fruit salad and brought it to the girl's frowning lips.

With a pout firmly in place she looked at her girlfriend with puppy brown eyes and whispered. "Please," Rachel deflated immediately and slowly opened her mouth for Santana to feed her the fruit. Rachel took the spoon from Santana with a blush and ate the rest of the fruit salad by herself. Santana smiled up at Kara who gave the young girl an impressed look.

They got to the court house and met up with the rest of the well-dressed Lopez clan. Julio and Tanya were both down here to show Rachel, Santana and Tony their support and to be there for any and all emotional break downs that were bound to happen.

Tony walked up to Rachel and gave her a fake rose, just as he had done the day she and Santana revealed their relationship to their families. Rachel smiled down at the young boy who was turning into a great man every day.

"It's for encouragement. I know you can't take it up to the stand with you, but you can hold onto it until then and give it to Santana while you're up there. That way you both remember neither of you are alone," He explained looking at his sister as well while he spoke.

"You are really growing up hermano. You're not alone either in this, okay?" She asked looking at him seriously knowing he was to be strong when he was just as scared as her and Rachel. He nodded as he took her outstretched hand and the three of them walked into the courtroom together united as one.

They sat in their spots, the three of them never letting go of the hand they were attached to. Suddenly a door opened to the side of the courtroom. Being escorted by two police officers was a handcuffed Hiram Berry. Rachel noticed him first and felt her breathing begin to pick up. As if he could sense her presence in the room, he looked over and caught her terrified eyes and gave her a smirk that was both a cocky one and a warning at the same time. She felt her throat begin to constrict and panic set in. She didn't think she was going to be able to do this.


	32. Chapter 32

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 32

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94! Warning: Trigger warnings are in effects. Also I am not an expert in law, but I did try my best to make the trial as believable as possible.

* * *

><p>Santana looked over at her girlfriend when she felt her hand shaking in her own. She watched with concerned as she realized the diva's gaze was fixated on something. She followed her line of sight and found herself shaking as well but for a completely different reason then her girlfriend. She was shaking with rage. That cocky smile he was giving her baby made her want to kill the man. When his gaze landed on her, she saw nothing in his eyes but hatred. She had to look away and concentrate on Rachel before she lost it and actually got up and strangled him.<p>

"Baby, look at me," She said, as she placed her hand on her cheek and gently tried to guide her so that she was facing her, but all of Rachel's muscles where stiff and she couldn't force her head to her without hurting her. So she got up dropping Tony's hand and kneeled in front of her girlfriend effectively blocking her view from him. Rachel's eyes snapped to hers in surprise.

"Just concentrate on me, remember. He does not exist right now, it's just you and me here," Santana encouraged brushing some hair behind the trembling girl's ear. She was having trouble controlling her trembles herself, but she had to keep it together, at least until that was all over.

"I can't do this," Rachel repeated her words from this morning, but this time her voice sounded even weaker as her lower lip quivered.

"Can't is not a word in Rachel Berry's vocabulary," Santana reminded her strongly with a small smile. "You are stronger than him baby, you are the strongest person I know. Don't look at him, just look at me," Rachel took a deep breath and nodded.

She still didn't know if she was ready for this but if Santana believed in her then she knew she could at least give it her best. Santana returned to her spot next to her, she made sure to make small talk with Rachel until the trial would begin. Neither of them noticed how Tony was trembling beside them.

Santana and Rachel felt a presence sit behind them, but didn't think anything of it. They assumed it was one of their parents until they heard the voice.

"How are you girls holding up?" the voice asked causing both girls to whip around to find the last person the expected to be there.

"Shelby?" Rachel squeaked, gripping Santana's hand a little too tightly which made the taller girl wince.

"Easy there babe, I kind of need my fingers," Santana said with a smile to let Rachel know she wasn't actually mad. Rachel however took the smile and words another way.

"Oh really?" She asked with what seemed to be an unamused raised eyebrow. Santana looked at her confused, until she finally figured it out and laughed while she smirked.

"Wanky. . . But not what I meant," Rachel blushed as she realized her mistake before turning to her birth mother, who seemed to be trying not to listen.

"So I take it you girls are handling this okay?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We're handling it the best we can, we've been trying to keep our minds occupied so that we don't, you know. . . Freak out," Rachel explained, taking in a deep breath at the reminder of where they were. Santana gently squeezed her smaller girls hand before turning towards Shelby again, her glare firmly in place.

"What are you doing here Shelby. I don't remember you saying that you would be here today," Santana questioned suspiciously. Rachel seriously did not need any more distractions or worries today.

"I want to see the bastard go down as bad as you do Santana. I'm here to offer support in any way I can," Shelby offered sincerely, Santana nodded. If she had less on her mind she would question her more but right now her head was all over the place so she just nodded and gave her the benefit of the doubt. Rachel gave the woman who gave birth to her a hesitant smile.

"Just being here for me is help enough," Rachel told her after taking in another deep breath. With every person who showed up to support her honestly helped build her confidence, as it helped her remember all the people who cared for her now and would fight for her. She wasn't facing him alone anymore.

"Then that's what I'll do," the older woman gave a smiled back before sinking back into her chair. Brittany slid in next to her. She looked at the woman with a strange look in her eye, she got really close the woman's face and stared straight into her eyes. Shelby eyes shifted from the blue eyes in front of her to the girls, who just shrugged just as confused as her. Finally Brittany pulled back.

"You have the same eyes as Rachel. But if you hurt her, you'll have to face the unicorns," with that Brittany slipped back out and to the row she was meant to be sitting in with the rest of their friends.

"What was that?" Shelby asked slightly terrified.

"I think that was Britt approving of you and threatening you at the same time," Santana said with a shrug. Shelby still looked a little frightened, but the girls just shrugged it off they were used to Brittany speak.

Tony remained completely stiff beside his sister. He was terrified and furious at the same time. This man had not only run him over without a second thought or concern. He had made his daughter, someone he was supposed to protect and love with all his being, life a loving hell. Nearly killing her multiple times on purpose. One half of him wanted to run from the courtroom screaming and crying for his mom but the other half wanted to tear the man face apart with his hands. He was on the verge of a break down but with everyone's focus on Rachel only one person noticed his inner battle and a wicked smiled graced his lips, now knowing he was the one to break.

* * *

><p>Soon everyone was seated, including the jury and the judge. Rachel's heart began to beat faster because now she had nothing to distract her except dead silence. She barely listened as opening arguments were given, she just kept looking at the witness chair as if it was her mortal enemy, because pretty soon she was going to be put in that chair and questioned by her father's lawyer like she had done something wrong. Before she knew it witnesses were already being called to the stand.<p>

First were a few of her teachers who had noticed changes in her behaviour or suspicious bruising that they didn't think much of at the time. The only one who was there to speak against her was Ms. Thompson, who blamed Rachel for her suspension for discriminating against a student.

"Ms. Thompson how would you describe Ms. Berry?" her father's lawyer question with a smug smile that never seemed to leave his face.

"Rachel thinks she entitled to everything, if she doesn't get what she wants she stomps her feet, throws a tantrum and lies until she get it," Ms. Thompson answered with a bored tone as if she wasn't playing games with Rachel's life at the moment.

Santana stiffened at her the teachers answer. She was glad when Rachel and Brittany were pulled out of her class and that Figgins finally took action and punished her but right now she wished the bitch was being thrown in jail right beside Hiram. Rachel burrowed herself further into Santana arms partly to give her girlfriend comfort and also to remind herself the stuff her old teacher was saying wasn't true.

"Has Rachel ever one of these tantrums in your classroom?" He asked.

"Yes, many times. She has argued with me about how my teaching is incorrect and one time when she was late and I tried to reprimand her she burst of into a tantrum until she got her way because the counsellor and her glee club director came to bail her out. She also told a lie about this wonderful young girl bullying her when it was her girlfriend who hit the young girl in the first place," The older woman stated calmly.

"Did you ever think that any of these behaviours may have been a cry for help?" He asked nonchalantly, his constant smirk showed he wasn't asking to help out Rachel.

"Oh heaven's no, that girl got everything from her father. There was no way he did what she is claiming every time I saw them he was treating her like a princess," Nodding her head once as if to finalize her point.

"What about unusual bruises or odd injuries?" He asked crossing his arms in front of his chest and lifting his shoulders up and down once.

"None that stood out, in fact I don't believe I saw any injuries on her until she started dating that Lopez girl," She answered with and evil smirk.

"Objection," Mr. Peyton yelled jumping out of his seat.

"Sustained, jury will disregard that statement. Please just answer the questions Ms. Thompson," the judge ordered with a stern voice. He had no tolerance for behavior like that in his court room. Santana grinned slightly at the indignant look that crossed Ms. Thompson's over confident features before it quickly disappeared.

"No further questions your honour," the defense lawyer announced and made his way back to his seat as Mr. Peyton stood.

"Ms. Thompson, you just testified that Rachel lied about being bullied by one Ms. Alexis Rolland correct," Mr. Peyton asked with a smirk of his own.

"Yes," Ms. Thompson answered with an annoyed bored tone.

"Then why do I have two video proving not only that Rachel was being severely bullied by this girl but also that you had knowledge of said bullying?" Mr. Peyton challenged, causing the middle aged teacher to go pale and she stammered to come up with an answer.

"I. . . I don't know what you're talking about," She tried to say as confidently as she could. Hoping that he was bluffing about having that proof, even though she knew of one tape that existed.

"Perhaps I should play them to refresh your memory," He said walking over to the T.V. in set up for the court room and pressed play.

The first one showed Lexi and her gang slushing Rachel while Ms. Thompson walk by clearly knowing what was going on but choosing to ignore it and even give the girl holding the slushie cup a proud look. The second was the video of the fight that went down when Lexi stole Rachel bear and yes Santana fighting Lexi but in the video it was clear the Latina was provoked and Rachel sure did nothing wrong.

"That sure looks like bullying to me," Mr. Peyton stated.

"Objection!" The defense lawyer jumped up at his first chance. "Where's the question?"

"Sustained, ask a question Mr. Peyton," The judge stated sternly.

"Is it true that you were suspended for discrimination against students?" was his next question. Ms. Thompson tensed up as face started to become red with obvious anger.

"Yes," She answered through gritted teeth.

"Is it true most of those accounts were directed towards Rachel?"

"Yes, but it is all untrue. She told lies to her foster mother and of course that made the other parents complain because of rumors," She tried to weakly defend herself.

"The same lies that she was telling about the bullying?" He asked.

"Objection!"

"Withdrawn, no further questions your honour," with a clearly flustered Ms. Thompson stepped down and the next witness was called. It was Tony's friend who was there the day that saw the license plate and then Tony himself.

The young boy was sworn in and then he sat in the space that seemed far to confining for his liking. Santana was now watching her brother carefully, noticing for the first time to nervousness that he was showing.

"Does Tony look okay to you?" She whispered to Rachel, who had her head on her shoulder trying to disappear at the moment. She looked up and saw the squirming pre-teen's eyes dart around the court room never settling in one place.

"He look terrified, but I'm sure he'll be fine. He has to Lopez blood in him after all," Rachel tried to assure her girlfriend.

"I hope you're right," She stated focusing all her attention back to the front of the room.

The defense attorney walked up to Tony with a fake kind smile. He hoped to gain the nervous boys trust before he broke him, but all he saw was complete hatred toward him for helping the man who hurt himself and Rachel.

"Hello Antonio, I'm Mr. Raymond," He introduced himself. Tony rolled his eyes.

"It's Tony, and I know who you are," He snapped the condescending tone of the lawyer pissing him off even further.

"Alright Tony," Mr. Raymond corrected only slightly put off by being told off by a twelve year old.

"The day of your accident," Tony's eyes grew harder and he could have sworn her heard a collective growl come from the seats. "Could you tell me what you were doing?"

"I was skate boarding with a couple of my friends," He answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Skate boarding? In the middle of winter?" He asked with a fake shocked expression. As if he didn't already know what Tony and his friends were doing that day.

"Yea, as long as there's a clear spot to skate I never let the weather hold me back," it was true Tony had always been a ball of energy, who hated being cooped up inside. When he discovered skating, he wanted to do it all the time no matter what was in his way.

"But isn't that dangerous? I mean what if you catch a piece of ice?"

"I've hit some rough spots before but the worse I ever got was a sprained ankle," He explained. Tony could already see where he was going with this and he could feel his own Lopez temper rising. He was the unusually calm one of all the Lopez's but he was suddenly understanding his families anger problems first hand.

"Did you hit a 'rough patch' as you call it, the day of your accident?" He asked actually using air quotes. Santana rolled her eyes, this guy couldn't be serious.

"No I would have known if I had. I had complete control of my board," Tony said through gritted teeth.

"Alright, why where you skating in the street when the sidewalk was clear?" He asked clearly aggravated his first plan didn't seem to get more of a rise out of the young Latino, but he could tell he was starting to get under his skin he just needed to find the trigger.

"I was crossing it, and before you ask I looked both way," he said cheekily. Mr. Raymond cocked an eyebrow.

"Did you see the car that hit you?"

"No."

"Did you see who was driving the car that hit you?" He asked.

"I saw a white man behind the wheel, but the police traced the license plate and it came back to that bastards car," Tony yelled pointing his finger to Hiram who was sitting there with fake confused look, a complete show to try to convince the jury.

"Young man please control yourself," The judge reprimanded.

"Yes sir," Tony sunk back into the chair and nodded his hands trembling with rage and embarrassment.

"What the hell was that?" Julio whispered to his sister seated in front of him. Both Santana and Rachel looked up at him equally confused.

"I have no clue, I've never heard Tony curse like that. I mean the boy is still afraid of getting his mouth washed out with soap," Santana wished back as they went back and watched helplessly as the rest of the events unfolded before them.

"How do you know it was him though? It may have been his car, but that doesn't mean he was driving it," the defence lawyer tried to reason.

"Why would someone else be driving his car? I know it was him because it's a big coincidence that I'm connected to Rachel and it was his car that hit me," the young skater was starting to get riled up again. The lawyer smirked he was making this too easy.

"So you believe that Mr. Berry tracked you down specifically just to run you over?" Mr. Raymond asked as if it was an absurd idea.

"I think he was stalking her and he saw an opportunity an took it," He explained.

"And what pray tell would that opportunity be, Tony?" He asked stressing the child's name at the end.

"To hurt Rachel and to use it against her. She practically my sister-in-law, he knew that would rattle her. But I won't let you hurt her anymore," He yelled standing up and speaking now directly to Hiram.

"So Rachel put that idea and your head," He tried to accuse.

"Objection," Mr. Peyton yelled out, but before the judge could sustain it Tony cracked.

"Rachel is my family now! She is the most pure and giving human being on this planet and I will protect her from you. I would get run over for her a hundred times if it meant you couldn't touch her again," He screamed over the judge trying to restore order. Tears were pouring down his cheeks and his whole body was trembling. He stopped screaming when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to find a guard there with a stern face but sympathetic eyes standing over him.

"Let's have a ten minutes recess. Son I suggest you get control of yourself before returning to this courtroom. Mr. Peyton, Mr. Raymond my chambers now," When they were allowed to stand up and move about. Tony ran from the room, but not before he noticed Hiram and her lawyer smirking at him as he ran.

* * *

><p>By the time Santana and Rachel managed to catch up with Tony, they found Maria already trying to sooth her hysterical son. He looked up through tear filled eyes and as soon as he noticed Rachel he was out of his mother's arms and crashing into Rachel's.<p>

"I'm so sorry Rachie. I ruined everything I am so sorry, I let him get to me," He sobbed into her chest. Santana and Julio were patting their little brothers back trying to show him the support that he needed right now. Rachel pulled away from the crushing hug so that she could look the young boy she had come to love as a brother in the eyes.

"You listen to me right now Antonio Josiah Lopez," Rachel said with that stern voice that made everyone stop and listen.

"How the hell does she do that? And how the hell does she know all of our middle names?" Julio whispered to his sister, remembering his own ass chewing he has gotten from the tiny diva before.

"I have no clue, but she is totally being the one to discipline our kids when we have them," Santana whispered back in awe. Julio grinned at that statement.

"Thinking about kids already little sis, should we start picking out wallpaper?" He teased which earned him a playful slap from Santana's free hand and a mumbled "Asswipe," before they returned to listening the Rachel and Tony.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Tony went to interrupt but Rachel stopped him.

"Uh uh, you have nothing to be sorry for," She repeated. "Everyone has their breaking point and that was yours. You can't help when it happens or predict what will trigger it, when it happens, it happens," She explained holding his face in her hand as if it would help explain her point.

"It was also that lawyer fault son. All he earned himself by pushing you that hard was making a little boy cry and the jury to hate him even more," Mr. Peyton said walking up to him after being released from the judge's chambers.

"He also just got an ass chewing by Judge Carmen. He won't step out of line like that again," He promised smiling at family gathered close together as possible.

"I'm not a little boy, I'll be thirteen in two months," Tony grumbled freeing himself from Rachel's hands and drying his tears with his sleeve.

"Use a tissue Antonio," his mother scolded handing him one. He took it with an eye roll.

"Of course Mr. Lopez, my mistake," Mr. Peyton joked causing everyone to laugh but Tony.

"And Tony, what you said up there. . . Just. . . Thank you," Rachel said with a blush. "It was really sweet and you have no idea how much it mean to me. You will always be my little skater," Rachel said with a grin which caused Tony to blush.

"Come on kids time to head back in," and with the solemn mood returned as they walked back into the courtroom.

Mr. Raymond declared he had no further questions for Tony. Mr. Peyton's questioning of Tony was short and brief since the poor didn't have much information to offer either side anyway and he had been through enough for one day. Once he was allowed to go back to his seat, he raced there as calmly as possible and took his place next to his sister once again. Santana intertwined their hands and squeezed his gently trying to convey how proud she was of him.

More witnesses were called up, mostly police officers and doctors now. As each bit of evidence seemed to pile against Hiram the more that fake sad look disappeared and a real scared and angry look took its place. Next up was Santana, she kissed her girlfriends hand quickly before making her way up to the stand. She smiled inwardly when she noticed Tony had taken her spot to sit by Rachel and intertwined their fingers so that the fake rose was clasped in both their hands, and Artie had managed to wheel his way up next to her so that he could take her other hand in her absence.

"Ms. Lopez what is your relationship to Ms. Berry?" Mr. Raymond shot out the question before Santana even had time to sit down after she had been sworn in.

"She's my girlfriend," Santana replied a goofy grin forming on her face as she looked past the annoying lawyer to the love of her life. Who was wearing the same goofy grin at the declaration.

"And how long has Ms. Berry been in this relationship with you?" He asked with that annoying smirk.

"Objection, relevance?" Mr. Peyton hissed out. The last thing they needed was for him to start attacking these girls for their relationship.

"Getting there your honour," the tall defense lawyer said with what was supposed to be a charming smile.

"Overruled, but get to the point Mr. Raymond," The judge commanded sternly.

"It'll be four months in two weeks," Santana stated proudly. No way was she going to let this man belittle her relationship. If that is what he was trying to do, then he had better be prepared for a fight, because Santana vocal arsenal is always armed.

"So you never met Mr. Berry then?" He asked as if he was confused.

"Not formally, I've seen him at glee competition. Usually belittling her in a corner, but no I'm happy to say I never actually formally met him," Santana said with a scoff.

"Then how do you know what type of man he is? How do you know he wasn't actually intensely encouraging his nervous daughter in those corners?" He asked.

"I don't but I heard. . ." She tried to finish her answer but Mr. Raymond cut her off.

"Thank you Ms. Lopez. Is it true that you and Rachel weren't always so friendly with each other?" His smirk grew bigger as he asked this question. Santana fist tightened, here it was.

"Yes, but we were both different people then and had different issue to deal with but I love her and our past history with each other won't change that," She answered confidently her voice never wavering.

"But isn't it true it was actually you who weren't so friendly towards Rachel? In fact weren't you one of the many who tormented the girl you claim to love, on a daily bases with names like manhands and Rupaul and slushie facials?" He accused. The Latina's anger and guilt gnawed at her, begging her to first tear this man to shreds and then gather her girlfriend up in her arms and beg for forgiveness all over again. "And isn't it true that none of this started with her dad until you suddenly decided one day that you wanted to be her friend?" Oh it was so on.

"Yea, it's true. I use to bully that beautiful woman because I couldn't deal with what I felt for her. So instead of letting myself be happy and not care what anyone else thought, I made myself miserable by making her miserable because I couldn't be with her until I sorted out my own shit," Santana explained barring her soul to not only her friends and family but a bunch of strangers as well. She was close to panic but just had to keep reminding herself that this was all for Rachel's own good.

"Language Ms. Lopez," the judge scolded weakly, the barest hint of a proud smile gracing the edge of his lips.

"Sorry sir," She apologized before returning to the lawyer. "I will regret what I did to her my whole life just because I was afraid, and I will never be able to make up for it, but I will try to, every single day I have the honour of being with her. And as for the stuff with her father happening when I finally decided to get over myself and be happy with her. It came up then because people where finally starting to pay attention. It was happening long before I became friends with her, I just finally opened my eyes enough to see it," Santana finished her rant.

The defense lawyer was stunned silent. He knew he shouldn't have let her continue but something in her voice paralyzed him. He finally shook it off and hardened his gaze again. Santana took a brief looks towards Hiram and noticed he was seething. He was trying desperately to keep a calm demeanor, but Santana could see right through his act. He was having trouble controlling himself. She made a quick glance at Rachel to make sure she was okay, and sighed in relief to find her eyes only focused on Santana, none the wiser to her father's struggle to keep a handle on his very short fuse.

"Isn't Rachel an actress? How do know she didn't stage the whole the thing because her father didn't approve of her being with you and she doesn't like being told no, does she?" He started his questions again. Questions that insulted her girlfriend. Oh hell no, this guy was seriously on the edge of a very short cliff right now.

"For one she didn't even know I liked her that way until after she was out of that house. Yes, Rachel is an amazing actress, but she is also the most honest person I know. Once she lied about us borrowing some movies from my brothers room without his permission, it only took her an hour to fess up because she couldn't take the guilt. So you see she's not capable of creating a lie that big and keeping it because her conscience is way too big," She told him passionately. Sure Rachel could tell little lies like everyone else, but the only time she was capable of keeping them was if it was in the best interest of person she was lying to.

"But there's still a chance she could have been lying? I mean if she's as great an actress as you say, then you would never actually know when she's lying," he tried again desperately trying to save his point.

"Not a chance," She answered with even more confidence. Mr. Raymond sighed in frustration at not being able to break her.

"No further questions your honour," He said dejectedly sitting back down as Mr. Peyton stood up.

"Santana, could you please tell me about the conversation you heard between Rachel and her father the night you found her?" He asked gently but with confidence. He knew the cheerleader was already highly agitated, he wanted to make this as quick and as easy as possible for her.

"Well he saw her and I holding hands and pulled her aside. I followed because I didn't like a certain look in Rachel's eyes and he dragged her away a little too roughly. I heard him begin to whisper yell at her about how she was only allowed to date as long as it was a boy and even that was only to keep up an appearance," Santana remembered, venom in her voice as she remembered the man's cruel words.

"When she tried to tell him we weren't together, which we weren't at the time. He said she was lying and called me a slut. She tried to defend me and he told her not to talk back unless she wanted to make it worse for herself that night and then told her he wouldn't let her turn him into a stereotype. Last he told her I only wanted her for one thing and that was because that's all she's good for," She looked towards Rachel and noticed that her eyes were adverted towards the floor. She caught Tony's eyes instead and he whispered something to Rachel who tentatively looked up at her. "Which is completely untrue," She said with passion, which caused Rachel lips to twitch upward shyly.

"And what happened after that?" He asked.

"We had to get ready to perform because we were at sectionals. I just barely caught her before she left with her father, I asked her to stay with me because I had a really bad feeling about her going home with him but she said she couldn't?"

"Why didn't you say anything, if you had that bad of a feeling?" He knew what Santana's answer would be but he had to ask for the jury to hear.

"Because I had no proof at the time, except what I heard. It would have been my word against his because at that time Rachel was too scared to speak up. Plus I wasn't even completely sure myself what was happening at the time, I just knew I got a bad feeling from him," She answered as she sent a glare at Hiram who glared right back.

"So what happened later that night?"

"I stayed up until around two waiting for her call. I tried calling her a couple times but she never picked up. When she did finally call me, all she said was that she needed me and then the phone went dead. When my brother Julio and I got to her house it was dark and the door was open, we found Rachel bloody and beaten on the floor," Her breathing got a little faster trying not to flashback to that night, she couldn't bear to find her girlfriend like that ever again.

"Did she ever tell her who did that to her?" She nodded.

"When I went to visit her in the hospital the next day, I asked who did it and she told me it was her father," She answered and Mr. Peyton nodded.

"No further questions your honour," and with that Santana was allowed to step down and made her way back to her seat where Tony had moved from.

"You were amazing 'Tana," Rachel whispered to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"You're going to be just as amazing," She whispered back just as Rachel was called to the stand. Rachel sucked in a deep breath and handed Santana the rose before making her way up to the chair she didn't want to have to sit in.

"Hello Rachel, could you please tell the court what your relationship to the defendant is?" Mr. Raymond said gesturing towards Hiram, causing Rachel to instinctively look that way. Her breath hitched as she saw his eyes, nothing but hatred, his eyebrow raised in warning. His voice was echoing in her mind, suddenly remembering all his threats about telling.

"He. . . he's my father," She answered shakily, her throat was suddenly very dry. She knew what he was doing, everyone already knew her relationship with him, Mr. Raymond asked hoping it would make Rachel look at him and shake her. The worst part about this tacky technique is that it was working.

"Is it true that you and your father didn't really have the best relationship when you were a kid?" He asked making sure to block her line of vision from Santana but gave her a perfect view of her father. Santana growled when he realized what he was doing, glaring holes in his back as if that would make him move.

"It's true, he never really wanted a kid. He only agreed because my daddy Leroy wanted to be a father. He made that very clear," She answered her eyes drifting back and forth from Hiram to the lawyer.

"Did he ever hit you while your other father was alive?"

"No, daddy would have never let that happen," She answered

"How did your other father died?" He asked with a wicked grin when he saw the girl choke back a sob.

"Objection, relevance?" Mr. Peyton yelled.

"I do have a point your honour," was Mr. Raymond's answer.

"Overruled, proceed carefully Mr. Raymond," Judge Carmen warned giving a disapproving look.

"He died of a heart attack caused because he got so worked up in an argument he had with my dad," She answered through gritted teeth.

"Do you blame your father for your other father's death?" He asked.

"I don't know, kind of," she answered.

"So it's possible that you could, I don't know maybe be angry enough to want to see him hurt and in trouble?" Rachel couldn't believe he was using her daddies death as a way to call her a liar.

"No, because it's only recently I stopped blaming myself and start blaming him," She answered angrily.

"Why did you blame yourself," He asked thrown off, he was sure that would have gotten him somewhere.

"Because the fight was about me and how much time daddy spent helping me train to achieve my dream," She answered and Mr. Raymond wisely choice to move on. Knowing he wouldn't win this argument.

"You love to be center stage correct? Always wanting to be the lead?"

"I love to be on stage singing and the attention from that is nice, but off stage no, I don't really like to be noticed that much," She told him truthfully. Yes, maybe around her friends she liked the attention they would give her, but honestly she liked sticking more to the background.

"But I've heard many classify you as a diva, who loves attention. How can we be sure that all this isn't some scheme to gain more attention?" Rachel whimpered as she remembered how many times her father had called her selfish and how sometimes she still believed that to be true. She was about to break when Mr. Raymond shift, his legs tired from standing in one place without moving. She was just barely able to catch Santana's concerned and encouraging eyes briefly, but it was enough to give her back her strength.

"Again I'm a diva on the stage and that is where it stays. I would never make something like this up, it took being nearly beaten to death for me to confess what was going on. I was afraid of him, and honestly I didn't want to get him in trouble because despite everything he was done to me, he still my father," Her voice became more steady as her looked hardened at the lawyer, now daring him to try to break her.

"If he hurt you so bad, why did you go back to him?" He asked referring to when he had kidnapped Rachel by sending her that note.

"He threatened my girlfriend. I would rather die than see her get hurt," She said passionately, leaving out the part about him still having a little control over her. Her father or his dirt bag lawyer didn't need to add that information to their arsenal.

"But you could have just turned in that note to the police, unless that note was actually a fake," He accused. Rachel shook her head.

"Objection, we already had an expert prove that it was written by Mr. Berry himself," Mr. Peyton reminded them.

"Sustained, move on Mr. Raymond," the judge said aggravated with the lawyers cheap attempts.

"Is it true that your father did not approve of you being in a relationship with girls?" He asked this was his last attempt to make this seems as if Rachel was making everything up.

"No, he didn't approve," She replied.

"Did you see that as a little hypocritical considering he is attracted to men?" He continued the questioning.

"Yea," She answered easily.

"So you must be angry about him not letting you be yourself, when he's allowed to be himself," He said.

"Well, yea. . . But," She tried to answer.

"No further questions your honour," He said cutting her off before she could finish and returned to his side of the courtroom.

The minute he moved out of the way, Rachel connected her eyes with Santana's. The Latina smiled encouragingly at her and mouthed. "I love you," Rachel gave a discreet smile back.

She heard a loud cough and jumped, her eyes jumping back to her father. Who was glaringly intimidatingly at her, leaning forward on the desk with her fist clenched in front of him. She started to shake again, until something blocked her view from him. She looked up to find Mr. Peyton smiling kindly at her.

"Hello Rachel, can you tell me what a daily life at home would be before your other father died," Mr. Peyton asked the kind smile turning into an encouraging one.

"Well, daddy would make sure I get all my school work done and then spend time trying to help me perfect my skills for my dream. Dad would usually make a comment about how I'm just turning into a selfish brat with all this dream nonsense and that I would never make it. My daddy would usually have an argument about those little things he would say to me, I would usually go to my room when those arguments happened," She replied stiffly.

"What about after you father died?" He asked in a gentle voice. Rachel became even more tense then she already was. She knew this is what she was here to talk about but it was difficult, her father was sitting right there about the try to contradict everything she was about to say, and there were complete strangers sitting there, judging her and deciding her fate without even knowing her.

"Dad became angrier, he started to drink more and the insults become more vicious. He kept threatening that he was going to hit me if I didn't listen to him, until one day he actually did. From then on he became abusive and hit me every day," She explained tears in her eyes.

"For what type of stuff would he hit you for?" He asked and Rachel scoffed.

"What didn't he hit me for? If I was a minute late from coming home from school, if didn't clean the house the way he wanted it. If I burnt his toast that he made me make for him every morning," Santana though she knew all this, was having a hard time hearing it. Rachel had opened up about what he had done but rarely ever why, and it was for just insane reasons that she just couldn't even imagine how many excuses he used to beat her.

"Is there anything else he would do?" He asked still keeping a gentle tone and he stayed unmoving so that Rachel couldn't see the man that had done of these things to her.

"He rarely gave me food, and if he did it was usually crumbs from whatever he didn't finish. One time he found me sneaking food up to my room and he locked me in the basement for the whole weekend," the small diva wrapped her arms around herself to try to ease her shaking. Wishing desperately that is was Santana's arms around her.

"He also liked to use his cigarettes to burn me, when I was really bad and that usually meant I talked how daddy wouldn't want him doing this to me," Santana closed her eyes at that statement, she choked back a sob when she felt Julio's hand on her shoulder trying to give her some form of comfort. It was hard for all of them to hear this but he knew it was especially hard for Santana because she couldn't immediately comfort her girlfriend.

"What happened the night Santana found you?" He asked and Santana felt herself stop breathing. They had talked about a lot of things that went down in that house, even what happened when she went missing, but they never talked about that night. She watched as Rachel took in a deep shuddering breath.

"On the way home from sectionals he was completely silent, that scared me because usually he wasted no time screaming at me when he thought I did something wrong. When we got home he slammed me into a wall and just started to punch me over and over. Called me every name in the book, told me I was a disgrace and I didn't deserve to live if I couldn't learn my place which was to be a servant to a man. He ripped off my shirt and started. . . He started to use his cigarette to burn some type of word into my back. I later found it was the word selfish. He turned me back over and kicked me in the ribs a few more time before he stomped on my arm with enough force to break it. When he stopped he got real close to my face and said I was never going to see Santana again. Though he used a more colourful name for her. He left the room and I crawled to my bag, dug out my phone and called Santana. He came back and caught me and stomped on my phone, then he left the house and next thing I know Santana and Julio were there talking about getting me to the hospital," Rachel told her story, her voice rough with pain and heartache.

Santana felt literal pain for her baby, she wanted to fall to the floor in agony and just cry with her and let everything out, but she knew that was going to have to wait until later. Mr. Peyton asked a few more question about what happened when he held her captive and then that was it.

"Thank you Rachel, no further questions your honour," Rachel all but sped off the stand and rushed into Santana waiting arms which wrapped around her in the tightest hug the Jewish girl ever felt, but she didn't care, in fact she wished the cheerleader would hold her even tighter.

"You did amazing baby girl," Santana whispered to her. "You are so brave and strong. It's almost over baby, that bastard just has to speak and then it's over. I promise," She rocked her not caring one bit whether or not it was appropriate for this setting as they watched Hiram Berry make his way to the stand.

"I don't want to listen to the lies he's going to say 'Tana," Rachel whimpered, burying her head in the tanned neck.

"Then don't mi estrella, just close your eyes and pretend we're somewhere else," Santana recommended. Rachel nodded following instructions and closed her eyes trying to block out every little noise except the sound of Santana heart.

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><p>"Mr. Berry would you like to tell us how it was like with Rachel in your home?" Mr. Peyton asked.<p>

"It was hard especially after Leroy died. I'm pretty sure Rachel blamed me, which is understandable, that was a big loss and if she needed someone to blame for a while then I am willing to be that target," Santana rolled her eyes at his attempt to sound like a caring parent.

"But she was angry and took that out in a lot of ways that needed to be corrected. Which I did by grounding her and taking away privileges not hitting her," He stained the not hitting a little too much.

"Well I understand her being angry, but why accuse you of this? Why take it this far?" his lawyer asked as if to sound sympathetic.

"Because Rachel believes she entitled to everything. Leroy had a hand in that, that's why we argued all the time, not because I didn't want Rachel to achieve her dream. When I told her she couldn't date Santana she flipped," He lied.

"Why don't you want her dating Santana?"

"Because that girl has a reputation, not to mention all the torment she put her through. I didn't want Rachel to get hurt," Rachel growled at him insulting her girlfriend, unable to block him out completely. "Plus I know my daughter, she's not gay, if she was I would be completely fine with it, but she isn't she's just letting this girl use her because she's lonely. She's always had a hard time making friends."

"What about that night Rachel ended up in the hospital? What happened?' He asked.

"We had an argument about that girl, I got mad enough to leave for a few hours. I came home and she was gone. So I ran back out to look for her," He lied again.

"What do you think happened?" He asked.

"I think someone broke into the house and beat her because they don't like our family, we are constant targets for hate crimes. Or she and that girl could have planned this out to set me up, I wouldn't put it past either of them," He accused glaring straight at the girls in question. Santana glared back while Rachel shut her eyes tighter.

"Why didn't you go see her when you heard she was in the hospital?" Mr. Raymond was pacing back and forth making many of the people in the crowd dizzy.

"Because I also heard she was accusing me. It was my word against hers; many people in this town don't like me because I am proud of who I am. It broke my heart that my baby girl would even think about accusing me but it was done and I had to let her go," He said sadly trying to the sympathy vote from the jury by looking at them with a fake kicked puppy face. Santana growled low and dangerous, Rachel was her baby girl. No one else was allowed to call her that, especially not this sorry excuse for a man.

"What about the car that hit Tony's, it was yours wasn't it?" He asked as if he was confused by the situation.

"Yes, it was my car. I stupidly let someone I barely know borrow it, I had no idea it was involved in an accident until I was arrested," He answered calmly. His lawyer nodded in approval.

"What about the night Rachel showed up at your doorstep?"

"I was surprised when I opened my motel door to find her. I don't even really know how she found me. She said she wanted to talk, so we drove down to my parents old farm house. We had a few arguments and she seemed really down about something. I admit I drank a little too much because of the shock," He told the story he had made up in his head.

"What about the poison that got in her system how to you explain that?" Hiram shook his head sadly.

"I had it in the house because we use to have a rat problem in the barn. I should have seen how depressed she was. There wasn't any pills in the house and Rachel hates blood so I guess she choice the only other form of suicide she could find," He answered trying to fake a sob but there were no tears present in his eyes.

"What about when the cops showed up. They said you held her at knife point?" The jury straightened up at that, waiting for his answer.

"I will regret that my whole life. I was extremely drunk that night I didn't know what was going on or what I was doing. I don't even remember any of that," He answered trying to sound devastated at his actions.

"How do you explain all the bruising and injuries that was found on her?"

"Rachel has always been a clumsy girl, I'm sure a few of them were from her tripping over her own two feet. The others well, again she loves attention and I would be surprised if she did it to herself," was his final answer.

"Thank you Mr. Berry, no further questions," Mr. Peyton stood up a dangerous glint in his eye. He hated child abuser and he was going to enjoy taking down this bastard.

"You said that Rachel injured herself on purpose?" He asked standing in front of him, giving him no chance to further taunt those girls with his eyes.

"Yes," was his simple answer.

"Did she also kick herself in the back with what looks to be a steel toed boot," He asked with a honest confused tone revealing the picture of Rachel's back that had a large black and blue foot imprint. Santana and everyone else who loved Rachel looked away quickly, unable to see that image without sobbing. Hiram squirmed in his seat.

"I don't know, maybe she got her girlfriend to do it?" He spit out the word girlfriend with hatred.

"Huh, besides the fact that, that looks like a man's foot print. This was given to Rachel while she was with you at the farm house, nowhere near anyone else but you," He accused with a knowing smirk at Hiram suddenly pale face. "And what about those scars on her back that spell out selfish, that were clearly made by cigarettes? Did Rachel do that to herself as well?" Most everyone had heard about those burns, but only Armando, Kara and Santana have actually seen them. Everyone winced at the image, Santana rubbed the area in between Rachel's shoulder blades were the scar was to help ease her shaking.

"I don't know how any of that happened, but it wasn't me," He yelled his face going from pale to red with fury within seconds.

"What about the note, you said you were surprised when Rachel showed up at your doorstep but yet we have a note in your hand writing telling her where to meet you," He challenged.

"I. . . I don't know. Maybe she forged it, she knows my handwriting well enough," He made up on the spot.

"But the expert said it was without a doubt you who wrote it. Now why would be lie about that," He asked curiously.

"I don't know maybe she honestly believes it true, but just not very good at her job," He challenged back.

"Oh I can assure you sure this court would not have qualified her as a witness if she wasn't. Judge Carmen qualified her himself," He told him gesturing towards the judge who nodded in confirmation.

"Then I don't know, but I didn't write it," He lied through gritted teeth, that had begun to yellow over the years of not taking care himself.

"You also said you were so drunk that you don't remember resisting the police or holding your daughter at knife point is that right?" He asked.

"That's right," He answered eyeing the lawyer suspiciously.

"Then why in your toxicology report does it say that you were only just over the legal limit? Drunk for sure, but not enough to alter your memory of that night," He asked him with a confused expression.

"I don't remember what happened that night, the test must be wrong," He tried to accuse again.

"Everything seems to be wrong according to you Mr. Berry. But I can assure you this is correct as well, they tested your blood alcohol twice to be sure," He told him smugly.

"Mr. Berry to you recognize this item?" He asked holding up the little notebook they found at the motel. Hiram went pale once again, the stunned man nodded silently without thinking.

"Could you please read the highlighted passage?" He asked, handing him the notebook open to a certain page. Hiram took it was a shaking hand.

"This bitch is going to pay for what she did to me. I am going to make her drink rat poison like the pest she is and watch her die slowly like she deserves. Then I am going to make that little slut of a girlfriend of hers suffer as well by delivering her body part to her piece. No one messes with Hiram Berry," He read his voice trembling the entire time.

"That in your hand writing Mr. Berry," He told him.

"I didn't write it," He claimed one last time before roughly handing the little book back. Mr. Peyton smiled smugly.

"No further questions your honour," they delivered closing arguments and with that the case was over and the jury went into the deliberation room.

"It's almost over baby, soon you will never have to worry about him again," Santana soothed as they waited for the jury to come back with the verdict.

"What if they believe him? What if he gets away with it?" She asked desperately, her voice filled with pain and exhaustion from today's events.

"If the jury can't see through his lies then they're all insane. His defense was crazy and unplanned, he's wont' get away with it," Mr. Peyton assured the distraught teen.

"But there's still a chance he could win. He always wins," Rachel whimpered into Santana chest as the taller girl rocked her in her arms.

"He won't win today baby, today you're going to win," Santana said confidently. She honestly believed that because she saw the disaster that was his defense, and if Rachel wasn't so traumatized she would have been able to see it then to.

"Come on mi estrella, mami said she got us a couple sandwiches from the subway across the street. Let's go eat while we wait," The cheerleader tried to encourage to help distract her girlfriend. Plus the diva didn't really eat well this morning, and it was well past a normal lunch hour they both needed something to eat.

"I'm not hungry," the diva said stubbornly.

"Well too bad you have to eat. You know how I feel about you skipping lunch," Santana said sternly. Rachel paused for a minute for she nodded.

They ate in silence, Santana rubbed Rachel's back anytime the girl started to tremble and when Santana started to do the same Rachel would return the favor no questions asked. It only took an hour for the jury to come to a decision and they found themselves back in the courtroom waiting for an answer.

"In the case of attempted murder against Antonio Lopez we find the defendant guilty," The head juror spoke and loud cheers erupted. The judge quickly quieted everyone down, as Rachel sat in shock and held Santana's hand tightly waiting for the next verdict.

"In the case of domestic child abuse and attempted murder against Rachel Berry, we find the defendant guilty," Santana threw her arms around the stunned singer and kept whispering over and over that she did it, and she finally won.

"No," was heard loudly from across the courtroom. Hiram Berry had furiously knocked over the table in front of him and was making his way angrily over to Rachel and Santana with his fist clenched.


	33. Chapter 33

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 32

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94! Important: Over 500 reviews! Wow just wow you guys are amazing, and I can't thank you enough. I promised myself if I ever got to 500 reviews I would give something back to you guys. So I made a little contest in this chapter, the first person who can figure out the show reference I made in this chapter gets to prompt me a one-shot! Now this is certain things I will not do the biggest being character death, but I am open to most genre (though pure humor is tough for me) also I will not write finchel, I respect those who ship them but I can't write them because it would be true and would not do justice for those you love that couple. I am open to most other ships though if I have a problem with the ship you would like I will let you know. I wish I could fill everyone who would like a one-shot but right now I do not have the time maybe later I will open myself to more prompts but right now I can only fit in this one. So please PM me your answer so that I know who answered first. Thank you guys again so much for supporting.

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><p>Hiram Berry knocked over the desk in front of him when the verdict was read. He made a B-line for the two terrified girls. His lawyer stood frozen shock, unsure of what to do as the court police officers rushed to restrain the man. Hiram Berry was a fast man for his age and managed to get to the girls and basically throw Santana away from Rachel. She landed on her back with a loud cry of pain. At the sound fear left Rachel and was replaced with pure rage. While her father lunged for her she lunged back. Locked in a fist fight she had no chance of winning, she felt no pain as his fist connected with her body. Her tiny fist tried to inflict as much damage to the man of possible. The guards were finally able to restrain the enraged man.<p>

When Rachel realized what was happening, she lunged herself at him again, as she tried to this time get the upper hand against him. She never got the chance those as she felt arms wrap around her and hold her back.

"Don't you ever touch my girlfriend again. If you ever even look at her I will kill you," Rachel screamed struggling against whoever was holding her back as Hiram was dragged out of the courtroom screaming back and calling her every name he could think of.

"Baby, calm down. Shh, calm down. I'm fine, see. Please mi estrella, you're going to make yourself sick," Santana begged placing herself in front of her enraged girlfriend and holding her face in both her hand and stroking her cheek bones with the soft pad of her thumbs.

Rachel's breathing began to even out at the sound of Santana's voice. She looked into concerned coffee colored eyes. The diva brought her hand up to mirror Santana's actions and stroked the darker girls cheek lovingly.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you," Rachel said passionately, tears running down her face.

"I know baby, that's one of the many reasons why I love you so much," She answered as she leaned in and gave her a small peck on her nose.

"Come on, let's get out of here," Santana said moving to stand up, but wincing as she straightened out her back which she had landed on when Hiram pushed her to the ground.

"You are hurt, let me see," Rachel panicked her eyes going comically wide as she tried to pull up the back of her girlfriends shirt to inspect her back in front of everyone in the courtroom. As gently as she could Santana stopped her and held her arms in place so that she couldn't attempt to do that again.

"I'm fine Rae-Rae, just a little sore and probably a little bruised, but I'll live. I'm no more hurt then you are," She answered, raising her eyebrow at the girl who was trying to subtly hold her aching side where he had managed to hit her. Rachel blushed and leaned into her girlfriend, placing her head on her shoulder.

"But you're still hurt because of me," She said fresh tears making their way down her face. Santana sighed and tightened her arms around the smaller girl. She just wishes she could make Rachel see that none of this was her fault. They were making good progress on that but moments like this still came out where Rachel just reverted back to blaming herself because, for a long time, she was told that everything was her fault.

"It's not your fault baby, it's his. You protected me from him, now let me protect you from all those lies he's implanted in that beautiful head of yours," Santana said sweetly kissing the top of her head as she saw her father carefully approach them.

"You girls okay?" Armando asked with concern. Rachel tried to pull away to wipe away her tears and speak to the man, but Santana held her in place still desperate to feel her love. She was trying to act calm for Rachel, but she knew the tiny diva could feel her shaking and she didn't want to give up the comfort of her girlfriend being this close just yet.

"We're alright Papi, just a little sore and shaken up," She answered truthfully; she began to sway with Rachel in her arms, the comforting motion just coming naturally to her.

"Well I want to check you girls out just to be safe, if that's alright?" He asked still watching the girls carefully.

He knew with what just happened, plus the stress the trial just put them under, that the girls were not as okay as they were pretending. He wanted to make sure they weren't hiding any serious physical injuries on top of the emotional ones. Santana nodded once and then they both looked down at Rachel who had stiffened on Santana arms.

"Rachel?" Santana asked confused and worried by her reaction. Maybe she was more hurt then she thought.

"I don't want to go back to the hospital," Rachel answered her voice soft and thick with emotion as if a sob wanted to escape.

"Baby, he's not taking us to the hospital. He's going to check us out at home. Right, Papi?" She told her looking to her father for confirmation.

"That's right. Do you think you need to go the hospital though Rachel? Please be honest with me," He begged. Rachel muscles relaxed slightly and Santana let her pull away just a little so that she could turn in her arms and face her father.

"No, I just thought we were going to have to. I really don't like it there, it gives me the creeps," Rachel explained. Armando searched the young girl's eyes and found nothing but truth in them.

"That's understandable honey, and I promise, unless I find something that really needs that kind of attention, I will not make you go back to the hospital," The older Lopez promised with a soft smile. Rachel nodded and managed to get Santana to let go of her and take her hand instead so that they could make their way out of the courthouse and finally start moving on from all of this.

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><p>Once back at the Lopez's Armando began checking both girls' injuries. Santana insisted that he checked Rachel first. She growled at the black and blue bruise already starting to form on the small toned stomach. Armando assured them both that it only looked as bad as it did because Rachel still had some side effects from the poison and that was why she was still bruising so easily.<p>

Santana also had a few ugly bruises starting to form on her back. At the site Rachel just went off like neither Lopez had ever seen her before. Cursing and pacing back in forth, stating that if that man ever went near her girlfriend again she would kill him. After about ten minutes of just letting her blow off steam, Santana got up to attempt to calm her down.

"Rachel, stop! I'm fine, they're just bruises, they'll heal," She stated trying to calm her down for the second time.

"They're not just bruises Santana. He laid his hands on you, something I promised would never happen," Rachel yelled, her body completely tense, her eyes darting everywhere as if she was ready to jump in front of Santana at the first sign of trouble.

"Hitting me is one thing, I'm used to it, but no one ever is allowed to lay their hands on you and get away with it," She finished through gritted teeth.

"Stop right there. No is allowed to hit you either and I hate that you're used to it. I love that you want to protect me but I want and need to protect you as well. You can't help what happened in that courtroom baby, but you did everything you could to make sure I didn't get hurt. So you did keep your promise, and I have promised from the moment I allowed myself to care about you that I would do everything I could to keep you safe. That hasn't always worked out the way I wanted it, but I promise I will also do my best to keep that promise. Just like I know you will do everything to keep your promise to keep me safe," Rachel was crying silently at Santana speech.

"But it wasn't enough you got hurt," Rachel said through gritted teeth, her fist clenching wishing she could hit herself for not being better for her girlfriend.

"So did you. Do you think I don't hate myself that I let you get hurt again trying to defend me? Because I do, but we both have to accept that what happened was out of our control. Do not let this destroy what you accomplished today, because I am so proud of you baby. You were amazing up there and you finally won," Santana said gently moving brown locks behind the diva's ear.

"You were amazing as well. You didn't let those horrible questions about our past trip you up or let him spin what we have into some sort of lie or scheme," She said finally calming down. Santana blushed at the compliment.

"I just did what I had to, to keep you safe," She said with small smile. "Trust me it took everything in me not to get up and deck that lawyer, especially when he was questioning you and Tony," She continued with a small growl.

"Where is Tony by the way?" Rachel asked as they both looked up to see that Armando had left to give them some privacy.

"Probably up in his room, playing one of those stupid video games," Santana answered with a shake of her head. Her brother tended to do one of two things when he needed to be distracted. Skateboard or play his video games, and since Maria has been hesitant to let him skate since the accident, his video games have gained a lot of attention.

"Should I go talk to him?" Rachel asked remembering his break down at the courthouse. Now wondering how he was dealing with seeing Hiram's anger up close.

"Just let him be for now. If he needs someone, Mami and Papi are here as is Julio. Right now I think we need to focus on you, and if it's one of us he really needs he'll come fine us, okay?" Santana reasoned taking both of Rachel's hands into her own.

Though Rachel wanted to protest, say that she was fine and just take care of everyone else, she had to admit that she was drained and even though he was behind bars now the emotional scars were still fresh. The events of the day were tough and she needed to let herself deal with that so that she could move on and be the person she needed and wanted to be now that nothing was there to hold her back. So when she nodded without an argument Santana smiled and led her down to her bedroom for some snuggling and movie therapy.

As the days passed Rachel seemed as if a weight had been lifted off of her. Without the fear of having to look over her shoulder, the diva was finally allowing herself to fully experience life. Dr. Cordell thought her progress was great but Santana noticed the little quirk's that no one else seemed to notice. Like how Rachel still jumped at the sound of slamming doors, or how she hesitated before taking a sip of any beverage. Things like that the cheerleader knew where normal and would probably be with the diva for the rest of her life. The hardest quirk that they both needed to deal with was this overwhelming need to be near each other at all times.

Santana seemed to have a little more trouble with that then Rachel. Not knowing exactly where her girlfriend was terrified her to the point of almost having a panic attack. She didn't want to be the controlling girlfriend who demanded that her girl spent all her time with her and needed to know where she is at all times. She honestly trusted Rachel and wanted her to be able to do her own thing and have time to herself, and she knew she needed that for herself as well. It was just the idea that anything could happen at any time is what scared her. If she and Rachel were together all the time, then she could at least have a fighting chance at protecting her. She needed to find a way to at least control that fear, because she knew they couldn't live like that. They needed space from each other to function as a healthy couple. As much as she hated the idea, she knew she needed to talk to Rachel about spending time apart.

"Rach? Are you awake?" Santana asked looking down at the girl was currently curled into her body.

"Mmhmm," She muttered, her tired eyes peeking out from her girlfriend's neck.

"I need to talk to you about something," She said as she took in a deep breath. Rachel shifted in her arms, balancing herself on her forearm so that she could look down at the Latina in concern.

"What's wrong?" She asked panic creeping into her voice.

"Relax baby, nothing's wrong. I just need to talk to you about something," Santana reassured, massaging the muscles of her girlfriends back until they un-tensed.

"What is it you need to speak with me about then?" She asked the suspicion never leaving her voice.

"I think we need to spend less time together," Santana rushed out before she could chicken out, but as soon as the words left her mouth and that heartbroken look crossed her girlfriends face she knew she had said it the wrong way.

"Wh-what?" Rachel stammered; tears forming in her eyes, already coming to the conclusion that Santana was trying to break up with her. "You don't want to be with me anymore?"

"No, no baby not like that. I don't mean I want to break up. God I never want that," She was quick to reassure, as she attempted to dry her diva's eyes but the tears just kept forming; the fear of losing Santana still overwhelming the tiny girl.

"Th-then what d-did you mean?" She managed to ask while trying to calm her own sobs.

"I mean I think we are becoming too codependent. Even the thought of not knowing where you are makes me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack," Rachel hung her head low knowing this had a lot to do with her disappearing act.

"I'm sorry 'Tana, if I just thought before I acted then you wouldn't be feeling this way," She apologized finding a spot on the comforter that was suddenly very interesting.

"Hey, stop that," Santana said, gently lifting the Jewish girls chin so that their eyes met. "None of this is your fault; this is just another little bump we need to get over, okay?" Rachel nodded wiping away at her tears furiously, willing them to stop.

"Why do we need spend time apart though? It's working for us, if being apart makes you feel so horrible then we should just spend more time together, right?" Rachel asked desperately. The thought of spending less time with her girlfriend causing her airway to constrict and her heart to beat a little faster in panic.

"It may be working for us right now sweetheart, but eventually we are both going to need space from each other. And by space I mean, being able to go out for a few hours or a day and do our own things, because that helps make a healthy relationship. So we don't bite each other's heads off because we're with each other all the time," Santana explained slowly so that Rachel didn't misunderstand her this time.

"You sound like Dr. Phil," Rachel mocked lightly with a small laugh and gentle smile. Santana mimicked her expressions and kissed her cheek.

"Dr. Phil's a smart dude," Santana joked back. "But seriously, other than for our mental health, we also need to learn to be apart even when we don't want to be. When we go to college we most likely won't even be attending the same school anymore. Where going to have different schedules and sometimes it might get so crazy that we might only see each other when we go to bed," She watched as Rachel shuttered and tensed at the thought. She squeezed her girlfriend's hip to give her some comfort.

"I know it won't be pleasant but we need to learn how to deal with that, so that when we have no choice in it happening we don't freak out because we can't handle being apart," Santana finished explaining. Rachel nodded in agreement.

"We'll start small a few hours of hanging out with our other friends. Not only will it help distract us a little, I know I will feel better knowing that you are at least with someone else who will keep you safe," the cheerleader suggested. Rachel thought about it and honestly she thought it was a great idea. They needed to learn this and she really did miss spending alone time with some of her other friends, especially Quinn and Puck and maybe Kurt and Mercedes. She knew Santana missed her time with Brittany and sometimes Puck or Mike. Something she was surprised to learn was that Santana and Mike's family went way back and the two had known each other even longer then Santana and Brittany had known each other.

"After that maybe we can try a day with a few texts or phone calls at first with friends and then maybe we can try spending time on our own completely. I think eventually that would be really great for you, because and don't take this the wrong way but I think you're terrified of being alone," Santana brought up carefully. Rachel thought about it for a minute before nodding.

"You're right I am afraid of being alone. I know I need to learn how to be but I don't think I can do that for a while," Rachel confessed. Santana gave her a reassuring smile.

"That's fine Rae-Rae, we're just taking baby steps right now," the cheerleader said shifting so that the singer could lie down on her chest again.

"So when are we going to start this little exercise, that I know your therapist suggested. Because I know you would have never even let this cross your mind on your own," Santana laughed, this girl knew her way too well.

"How 'bout next weekend. Britt has been asking about you going to the dance studio with her and Puck's been begging me for some bro time lately. Though if he calls me bro one more time I think I might kick him where the sun don't shine," She said with a sneer.

"Wait I thought you would be hanging out with Brittany and I would be hanging out with Quinn?" Rachel questioned with a raised eyebrow. That's how it always seemed to work out on those odd times when they actually spent time with other friends without each other.

"Babe, Brittany is as much your friend as she is mine. Just like Quinn is as much my friend as she is yours. Brittany has actually been asking why you never ask her to hang out and she's been really sad that you haven't been in dance class with her anymore," Santana explained. Rachel felt horrible again; she never knew Brittany wanted to hang out with her alone. She always thought the blonde dancer would prefer hanging out with Santana when they get those rare moments alone.

"Tell Brittany I would love to hang out with her next weekend," Rachel said looking up at her with a smile.

"Why don't you tell her yourself," Santana said as she reached towards the counter where Rachel's cell phone was. The diva took it and went to start texting Brittany but Santana stopped her.

"Call her," She suggested with a playful smile. "Trust me it will be a lot more entertaining," She explained upon seeing the confused look cross Rachel's face. So she did making sure to put it on speaker phone. It picked up at the first ring.

"Rae! Oh my god, you'll never guess what Lord Tubbington did today," She started on a rant about her beloved cat joining some sort of secret alien society that wanted to wipe out the entire race of dogs and for some reason possums. Santana shook her head at her best friend's imagination, seriously she should write a book about these little adventures she makes up (or actually believes, sometimes she can't tell with Brittany) about her cat.

"Well you make sure he stays out of trouble Brittany, those aliens can be tricky little sneaks," Rachel said with a complete straight face. Santana felt her heart swell with pride at how easily Rachel plays along with her best friend's imagination.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll make sure he can't sneak out anymore to meet them in the crop circle at the cornfields," Santana shook shaking her head in amusement, because like seriously was there even any cornfields in Lima?

"Anyway Brittany, I called to ask if you would like to hang out next weekend, just you and me?" Rachel asked that slight tremble in her voice that only Santana ever seemed to hear, indicating that the diva was starting to get nervous.

"Of course I want to hang out with you. Oh my god it's going to be so much fun, can we go to the dance studio I really want to show you some new hip hop moves?" Brittany asked excitedly and Rachel let out a breath of relief she didn't even know she was holding in.

"Of course Brittany, we can do whatever you want," Rachel replied with just as much excitement but frowned when she saw Santana suddenly shaking her head furiously and mouthing no over and over.

"Awesome can't wait Rae," Brittany replied and they could hear her practically bouncing in her chair.

"I can't wait either Brittany, we'll talk about the details tomorrow at school," they said goodbye and then hung up. Santana then burst out laughing.

"Oh you're in for it now Rach," Santana said while still laughing.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Santana," Rachel replied with an annoyed tone.

"Rule one about hanging out with Brittany. Never promise they you can do anything she wants, you will probably end up exploring the sewer looking to narwhals or in a creepy forest searching for unicorns," Santana explained finally getting her laughter under control, especially when she saw her girlfriend's face become suddenly pale.

"Don't worry if she suggest something you're uncomfortable with or that you know is dangerous then all you have to do is say no. She'll pout for a good then minutes but she'll never make you do something you don't want to," Santana explained more gently but never she never lost that teasing smile.

"But what if I know it's dangerous and she goes and does it herself without me?" She asked sudden concern for her friends well-being over taking her.

"Don't worry about that either, she won't do anyone of her crazy idea's unless someone is with her, not since she got lost in that sewer," Santana explained while shaking her head at the memory.

"So that story she told about being lost in the sewer for most of the summer was true?" Rachel asked she had always thought that Brittany just made that up or that she had a dream about it and thought it actually happened.

"Well she did get lost, but she wasn't lost the whole summer, more like about four hours. Puck and Mike saw her enter the sewer and followed her but lost her after about five minutes, they found her later and they easily found their way out from there," Rachel nodded perplexed that most of the story was true. She didn't know why anyone would ever want to search a sewer but then again this was Brittany and she has done stranger things.

"Okay baby lets go over some Brittany do's and don'ts I think you're going to need them," Santana said with a smile and handed Rachel a pad of paper and a pencil she found on the nightstand.

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><p>The air in the Lopez house suddenly turned cold when Rachel and Santana went upstairs to find something to drink. They paused and stared at the two brothers staring each other down. Both eyes were hard and unforgiving. Rachel unconsciously moved closer to Santana at the hostility they could feel radiating off the brothers.<p>

"You're the worst brother ever. Next time don't make promises you can't keep," Tony suddenly yelled and ran upstairs.

Rachel jumped with a small yelp when he slammed the door to his room. Julio's hard eyes softened slightly at scared look in the Jewish girls eyes. He nodded an apology before storming towards the front door, to his car and driving off. They carefully walked into the kitchen to find Maria cutting vegetable and shaking her head.

"Mami what was that about?" Santana asked sitting at the island and taking one of the extra cut up vegetable's from the tray to eat making sure to grab one for Rachel as well.

"Your brother are fighting again," Maria explained with a sigh. Santana rolled her eyes.

"I could see that, but about what this time?" She asked.

"Julio promised Tony he would take him to the batting cages before he had to leave tonight to go back to school for Monday classes, but Julio cancelled those plans because some of his friends set up date for him and this girl he likes and although the girl said they could go out next weekend when he wasn't here he said no, that he had nothing to do and that he was leaving to go back to the school now," the mother explained shaking her head again.

Santana growled with anger at her older brother. Sure she could understand not wanting to blow the chance of going out with the girl you really like, but the girl was willing to wait until next weekend. Breaking a promise to Tony was equivalent to kicking a puppy in her mind, the boy was just that sweet. Sure she and Tony had their disagreements as well, but she would never break a promise to him or Julio unless she absolutely had no choice but to, and even then she would make sure she made it up to them.

"Hey Rach, do you mind if we take him to the batting cages. I know he's been looking forward to going," Santana asked turning to her girlfriend. She knew the diva wasn't the most athletic but it would help put a smile back on Tony's face.

"Of course Santana, but should we maybe talk to him or Julio about what happened?" She asked concerned. She was now used to talking to Tony about things that made him upset but she never had to deal with a big sibling blow out.

"No just let them work it out. We'll just take him so that he can have fun and forget for a little while," She answered. "Trust me getting between those two would be like getting between Tiger and Grey Wolf in the middle of a huge battle," She stated when she saw the hesitant look on Rachel's face. She then walked away to try to coax the young Latino out of his room, leaving behind a very confused Rachel who couldn't for the life of her figure out what her girlfriend had just meant.

The batting cages were surprisingly fun to Rachel. At first she was content to just stay safely outside the cage while she watched Tony and Santana have their fun, but it wasn't long before Tony's begging got her into the cage as well and she was learning to swing from a twelve year old. She was proud of herself by the end of their time there. She had managed to hit five balls, sure that was nothing compared to what Santana and Tony accomplished, but for her first time ever picking up a baseball bat she thinks she did pretty well.

Tony thanked them for taking him with a giant smile on his face before heading back upstairs to his room. The girls retired to Santana's room just so happy they could make his day a little better. Though they knew the brother would make up they hoped it would be soon because they knew how much that bond means to both of them.

As they lay on Santana bed, Rachel stared up at her girlfriend with adoring eyes. The cheerleader stared back down at her with the same amount of affection. Rachel shifted so that she was slightly on top of Santana. She placed a small kiss of her chin before making her way up until she reached her lips. The kiss that followed was slow and sensual, no tongues or teeth. They took their time, just enjoying soft lips against each other's. When they pulled away and placed their heads against each other smiling sweetly.

"That was nice," Santana said a bit breathless.

"Mmhmm," was Rachel's only reply as she laced their fingers together.

"I love you Santana Alejandra Lopez," She declared with smiled, never letting their eyes break apart.

"And I love you Rachel Barbra Berry," She replied holding the diva close. Rachel placed her head on Santana chest, so that she could hear the most comforting sound in the world. Santana's heartbeat.


	34. Chapter 34

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 34

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: Thanks to my beta TheJudge94! Please don't kill me, I know it's been a really long time since my last update and I will explain why. First I had to fill the prompt for the winner of the contest in last chapter. So congrats to JackyKay who guessed right it was Monster Rancher, so check out Blue Eyed Diva if you guys haven't already, I'm rather proud of it. Also I just graduated from college last week, I had to prepare for a portfolio show, so that took up my of my time. Here's part of what I had to work on if you guys want to check out my photography, www. nancymaephotography .com that's my website! I also have a like page on facebook by the same name. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter I know it's a little short but every chapter is important remember no matter how small.

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><p>Today was the day that Santana and Rachel had decided to try and spend a few hours apart. Santana was going to play video games with Puck, while Rachel was going to the dance studio with Brittany so they could work on some dance moves together. Afterwards, Brittany and Rachel were planning on meeting Santana and Artie for a double date.<p>

At noon Rachel heard the doorbell ring and got up quickly to answer it, she already knew she would find an excited Brittany standing there waiting. The cheerful blonde bounced her way into the house. Her dance clothes already on and dance bag in hand.

"Are you ready Rae? I can't wait to dance together again; it feels like it's been forever since we last really danced together. You know outside of glee club," Brittany rambled in her excitement. Rachel laughed quietly at her friend in amusement. Even though she was extremely nervous about being away from Santana for most of the day, Brittany had a way of making her feel calm when a few seconds before she just wanted to run out the door and find the love of her life and beg her to never make them split up for a day again.

"I'm almost ready Britt; I just need to get my dance bag. Also I know and I'm sorry I've been neglecting our dance sessions together, I have missed them dearly though," She added truthfully. Despite not wanting to part from her girlfriend she truly did miss this special time she had with her tall friend. Though Finn was the first person to be openly nice to her in public, she can safely say Brittany was her first ever friend, even if for a long time it didn't pass outside those dance studio walls. This was something special for them and them alone.

She started to realize she had little things she liked doing alone with each friend she had. Brittany was dance practice, Quinn was TV series marathons, with Puck she liked to get together and make up random duets which though he would never admit it, he liked as well - as long as it didn't get out to everyone else of course. She could think of something specific with each friend that she may even do with others but would prefer to do alone with that specific person. She could think of a number of different things that she loves to do with her girlfriend alone.

"It's alright, I'm just happy we're doing it today. Lord Tubbington is nowhere near as fun to dance with as you," Brittany said with a completely straight face. Rachel paused to a second wondering if the girl was actually being serious of attempting to dance with her cat while she wasn't there. She shook her head and decided not to comment on it as she grabbed her bag and locked the door behind her as they made their way towards Brittany's car.

At the dance studio Brittany was able to get them a room all to themselves since Brittany sometimes taught the little kids class there. As they started to go through different routines, Rachel's realized despite all the dancing she did in glee club she was very out of practice. She had never been as good as Brittany and she admits she's not the best dancer. She always put more effort into vocals and stage performance. Still she used to at least be able to follow what the talented dancer was doing. Now she just seems to stumble everywhere.

"Don't worry Rae, you'll get it. You just need to take it slower and have a little more patience," the tall blonde encouraged sitting down next to her discouraged friend and handed her a bottle of water. The small brunette smiled in appreciation for both the water and Brittany's belief in her.

"With you as a teacher Britt I know I will get it. Though it may take a few more sessions," Rachel said with a smile, hinting that she wanted to do this with the blonde more often. Brittany quickly picked up on the hint and squealed in excitement. She launched her body towards Rachel and gathered the tiny diva in a giant bear hug.

"Britt. . . Can't. . . Breathe," Rachel stuttered out trying to get air into her block airway which Brittany was squeezing much too tight.

"Oh sorry Rae," Brittany let go with a slight blush. She honestly forgot her own strength sometimes.

"It's okay," She said once the air had returned to her lungs. "Let's take a snack break," She suggested. Brittany readily agreed, as all the dancing made her really hungry and she couldn't really wait until five thirty when they were supposed to meet Santana and Artie for dinner.

They sat on the floor in the corner of the room and they both pulled out a healthy snack they had packed to help keep their energy up while they danced. At first they slowly ate in silence, one that wasn't awkward. The two were comfortable enough with one another that they didn't have to always speak to feel like they were spending time together. Rachel though, kept looking at her phone; Brittany could tell the girl was just itching to call or text Santana.

"Don't even think about it Rae," Brittany tried to scold but just wasn't very convincing. Though the tall blonde was terrifying when actually angry, she just couldn't pull off a scolding when she wasn't pissed beyond belief at the person. Though Rachel knew Brittany well enough that if she didn't take her seriously now then pissed Brittany was just around the corner. She pouted and put her phone back into her dance bag.

"I just want to know that she's okay," Rachel tried to defend herself. Brittany shook her head not falling for her friends pout.

"She's fine Rae, she's most likely bruising Pucks ego by beating him at every one of his video games," Brittany said with an amused smile, just imagining her best friend pumping her fist in the air as Puck throws his controller down claiming it to be defective.

"But I know she's worrying about me and probably stressing herself out wondering how I'm doing. I don't want her to stress out anymore then she already is," Rachel tried arguing once again putting her pout that worked on usually everyone in place, but she was quickly learning that it didn't work on Brittany. She should have known, as Brittany is the one who perfected the pout in the first place.

"This is why you two need to spend some time apart, so that you both know a black hole isn't going to swallow up the other one whole while you're away," Brittany stated simply while shaking her head.

"But she's so stressed and a lot of it is because of me," Rachel said sadly. Brittany felt her heart melt of the insecurity in her friend's voice.

"She's not stressed because of you Rae. Santana always stresses herself out over everything, the reason she stresses over you so much is because she loves you and she knows you're hurting. She just wants to make everything better for you and when she can't she feels like she let you down," Brittany explained gently.

"I know I just wish she wouldn't. I've never been happier than when I'm with her, she means everything to me. I don't want her blood pressure to get so high that she ends up in the hospital. Senior year is stressful enough without all this extra shit that I brought into her life," Brittany couldn't stop herself from giggling at her normally proper friend's slip of the tongue.

"It in her nature to worry hun, she will always worry. You just need to find ways to help her relax and forget about life for a little while," Brittany suggested with a smile. Rachel thought about that for a bit.

"Like what?" She asked, immediately she regretted asking when she saw the wicked smirk on Brittany's lips.

"While when Santana and I were together we usually used sex to relax," She said with the smirk still in place before it softened. "But I also know you and S aren't doing that yet, so don't be getting it in your head to do something before you're ready," Brittany said knowingly before tapping the diva on the nose. Rachel blushed and looked down at her hands until she regained her composure.

"What can I do that doesn't put me into a situation that I'm not ready for?" She asked.

"Well, have you tried giving her a massage?" She asked. "Sanny loves those, it always makes her muscles loosen really quick and a lot of time she falls asleep in the middle of it and then when she wakes up she usually in a really good mood," The tall dancer explained, remembering the number of times she had given her ex-girlfriend, who is now her best friend, a good massage; usually after or before they had sex.

"That could work; I've actually been told I am excellent at giving massages. Thanks Britt," Rachel said gratefully with a large toothy smile.

"No problem, come on let's dance some more. We only have this practice room for another hour before we have to leave," She said pulling the smaller girl up to her feet with ease. Rachel laughed as her friend bounced eagerly as she pulled her forward. They spent the rest of their time laughing and dancing, forgetting about the world around them just for a little while.

* * *

><p>Santana victoriously pumped her fist in the air as Puck slammed his controller down for the tenth time that day, as Santana once again beat him at one of his own games.<p>

"Dude you really suck, you know that," Puck said, displaying how much of a sore loser he is.

"One - stop calling me dude and two - it's not my fault you can't beat me," Santana growled a smirk playing on her lips.

"You're just getting lucky," He huffed.

"Nope all skill, you're just pissed that you're getting beat by a girl," She argued back declining the beer that he held out to her.

"Seriously we always drink when we play video games," Puck said dumbfounded that his lesbro had turned down a chance to get drunk.

"We don't need to always get drunk ya' know," She said defensively.

"That and Rach will kill you if she finds out you've been drinking," He teased causing her to blush and look away. "You are so whipped," He laughed and gave her a pat on the back.

"Look Rach doesn't like drinking and for good reason. If you forgot the man who constantly beat her was a drunk," She defended herself crossing her arms over her chest. That line of thought made her think of her girlfriend and if she was okay. She looked briefly at her phone and wondered if she should give her a call.

"I get that, I do, but it's not like a beer every once in a while is gonna do anything to you. You would never hurt her like that," Puck said still not understanding.

"I know that and she knows that. She doesn't forbid me to drink, yeah she doesn't like it but she would never tell me not to. I don't plan on never drinking again because let's face it that not gonna happen," She started to more clearly explain herself. "But showing up drunk to a double date that we had set up would probably piss her off big time."

"Okay, as long as you're cool with it, it's your business," Puck gave in. Santana nodded.

"I am, I just don't need to do that all the time anymore. I still like it once in a while but not all the time," Puck nodded, he could respect that. He smirked when he noticed her fiddling with her phone.

"Itching to call her, aren't you," He said knowingly. Santana jumped at that question, she didn't think she was that obvious and she wasn't about to admit that to the guy who had just called her whipped.

"No, I'm just gonna play angry birds. Probably give me more of a challenge then playing you at anything," She dissed him with a smirk, attempting to dodge the real answer.

"Fuck you," Puck yelled and threw a pillow at her, which she graciously returned back to him.

"Seriously though I know you want to either call her or text her, but you're doing this for a reason. She's with Britt, you know if she's safe with anyone she's safe with her," Puck said seriously. He knew how hard this was for both his friends to be separated, even for a few hours.

Sure they had to do it on school nights when they were forced to sleep at their own houses, but they had their dreams and the stuffed animals they gave each other to soothe them until they could see each other again. Yes Puck knew about the stuffed animals and if Santana ever found out he knew, then he probably wouldn't be able to speak because he's pretty sure she would cut out his vocal chords so that he never had the chance to tell a living soul.

"Okay I admit it I want to call her, but I know this is for the best. So I'm not going to," She declared putting her phone down and picking the controller back up.

"How are you dealing anyway?" He asked, ignoring her hint that she wanted to play and not talk.

"I just told you I want to call her but I'm not gonna. I think that's progress," She answered vaguely knowing that's not what he meant.

"I mean how are you dealing with everything else? You know the trial, Tony's recovery, Rachel's recovery?" He asked naming only a few of the obstacles that she was faced with.

"I'm fine," She said through gritted teeth. "Can I get back to kicking your ass now?"

"Come on Santana it's me, your bro. How are you dealing?" He asked again.

"I'm dealing the best I can okay. I'm just trying to be there for everyone, but sometimes it seems impossible," Santana confessed with a sigh, as she put down her own controller and turned towards Puck so that they were speaking face to face.

"Dude you're not superwomen. No one expects you to take care of anyone," Puck tried which earned him a glare from the hot headed girl.

"I said stop with the dude, and Rachel is my girlfriend it's my job to take care of her. She doesn't have anyone else," Santana spat, Puck rolled his eyes at her.

"I think you're forgetting Rachel has a lot of people on her side now. She has her foster family that might as well be her real family, she has your family and she has all of glee club to support her. You're not the only one she has that she can rely on. I for one will also be there for her, she's my Jewish princess she might as well be my sister," He answered a little pissed off; sometimes Santana seemed to forget it wasn't just her who loved Rachel. The cheerleader seemed to think about that for a moment until her face softened in remorse.

"Sorry, I know you and everyone have her back and would do anything you can to help her. But I am in love with her; I'm the only one who can be there for her in that way. Right now she needs that," She answered.

"She needs that or you do?" Puck asked his question confusing the Latina. She was starting to get angry again at his accusing tone.

"What the hell are you talking about? Of course I need her and she needs me," She said defensively.

"I know that San. What I'm saying is that I think it's you that needs that kind of support from Rachel right now, more than she needs it from you," He tried to explain but she still wasn't getting it.

"Look what I'm saying is that, yes of course Rachel needs that kind of support only you can give right now. You are her lifeline and you're keeping her hanging on. But I think Rachel needs to accept the kind of support only her foster family turned real family can give her and you need the type of support only Rachel can give you. Do you get it now?" Santana took it all in. She got the general concept of what he was trying to say but wasn't really understanding his logic. He noticed this and continued.

"Rachel has only had one caring parent who died when she was young, the other was a total dick as we know," Santana growled at the mere mention of that man and Puck held up his hand silently telling her to stay calm. "For a long time all she knew was hate, and then you came along and started to offer the love you have for her and you have been doing that since day one. She still needs that and always will and she has embraced that, but she needs to embrace the support from her new family now," Santana looked at him as if he's grown another head; Rachel knew her family loved her.

"Sure she's embraced that she's a part of them and she's knows that they love her and that she loves them back. But has she really truly let them be there for her, without you around to make her more comfortable?" He asked.

"Yes actually she has. It's not my place to tell what this was all about but a while ago Rachel was having continuous night terrors, she wouldn't talk to anyone about it, even me. She actually went to Artie first, she never told him what they were about exactly but she did talk to him about them and sought comfort and protection from him. After a while and a fight between me and her, she told me and we told Kara together," She explained and Puck thought that over.

"But she didn't trust him with the full story," He stated more then asked.

"No, but trust me I understand why. It's kind of something that you would be more uncomfortable talking to about with the opposite sex, whether you're gay or straight," She replied and Puck cringed at the bit of information not liking what that sounded like. He let it go though; knowing it wasn't his place. If Rachel didn't want him to know then there was a good reason.

"But she didn't go to Kara either, not without you there," He observed.

"No, she didn't. I get it now okay, Rachel has a ways to go with truly trusting family members, because all of them had either betrayed her or died on her," Santana concluded and Puck nodded.

"But what's this shit about me needing to let Rachel in. I trust her completely and have been more open with her then anyone," She answered not wanting to give into Puck just yet and admit he's right.

"Well unlike Rachel, you've had an amazing family structure. You know you're loved and though you had a hard time coming out to them, which I believe that was more you needing to accept yourself first, you've been able to go to them," He started only to be interrupted.

"You're forgetting my abuela basically disowned me," She sneered, the wound still was very far from healing and she was still holding out hope that her abuela would accept her one day.

"I know that and I know that kills you, but you still know you have an accepting family who loves you and will fight for you. Now I know you trust Rachel, you love her and have embraced everything about loving her and being yourself. But you've been hurt in the past by this type of love. You used boys to hide your true self, and when you and Brittany didn't work out after you accepted yourself I know that hurt and set you a few steps back," Santana nodded solemnly, because she knew he was right.

When her and Brittany didn't work out she thought she had failed; that her coming out meant nothing now and that she had did something wrong. When in reality it just didn't work because they were meant to be best friends and they were both in love or falling in love with someone else, however repressed those feelings were at the time.

"Now I don't really have much to say about this because I think you, with Rachel's help, have already started to fix your heart. My only suggestion is to let yourself submit to Rachel," Puck said and Santana got that wicked grin on her face and he knew immediately what she was thinking.

"And they call me a perv," He said with a laugh before continuing. "Anyway what I meant is that you need to let Rachel be in control. I'm sure you have let your walls down, even let her comfort you and tell her stuff that you've never told anyone. What I mean is let her take care of you just for the heck of it. Let her do something for you just because she wants to or because you've had a bad day. I know you can be a bit of a control freak in relationships," He chuckled remembering their very brief dating experience.

"I'll have you know she planned our entire Valentine's Day, and she has taken me out on quite a number of our date," She informed him indignantly.

"But have you ever let her I don't know, brush your hair, or rub your back or any of those other stupid girly shit?" He asked and she looked at him confused. "It's the little things you have trouble with Santana. Big dates are nothing to you because you're expecting them; you know they are going to happen. I bet when she does something unexpected for you, you get uncomfortable because you didn't see it coming and you're not use to that, it's a type of vulnerability – you're still getting used to it because your used to being in charge and knowing when something will happen. Maybe not what it is that will happen but you like knowing when, because you didn't expect you and Brittany not to work out," He explained more thoroughly.

"Okay I get it, you're basically telling me I need to let Rachel help me relax, because I'm a control freak and always on edge," She said with a smirk which made Puck laugh and nod.

"Which brings us back to what this originally was about. Yes you have people who need you, but you can't do everything yourself. You need to learn when to ask for help and take a break. That is where letting Rachel help you relax comes in, because though you're not as bitchy as before, your stress still shows." He finished picking his controller back up and Santana couldn't help but laugh.

"You start talking like this in public, people will start to think you're a girl," She couldn't help but tease while picking her controller back up as well.

"Nah, trust me the ladies know I am all man," He said with the smirk. Santana just made a grossed out face before returning to humiliating him by beating him in a video game he claimed to know so much about; Mario Kart.

* * *

><p>When Brittany and Rachel made it to Breadstix, Santana and Artie were already there waiting for them. Upon seeing each other the Santana and Rachel ran towards the other and dramatically threw themselves into the others arms. Brittany and Artie rolled their eyes and laughed fondly at the pair before giving each other a sweet kiss hello. They haven't been able to have a real date in a while so this was a nice treat for them, especially because they got to share it with their other favorite couple, whose lips seemed to be glued together at the moment.<p>

When they finally managed to detach the love birds for a few seconds, they went inside and found a nice secluded table that they were able to fit Artie's wheelchair at. Rachel and Santana were acting like they hadn't seen each other in months instead of a couple of hours. Brittany and Artie knew not to say anything about it though; they knew that it was extremely hard for the couple. They were both actually impressed that neither had cracked and texted or called the other. They had to draw the line though when not wanting to let go of each other was causing problems for them when they were trying to eat. Every time one of them would bring their food up to their mouth, they either ended up elbowing the other or spilling something on themselves or the other.

"Guys I think you can separate for the short time it takes you to eat," Artie said, shrinking lower on his chair when Santana glared at him.

"San please don't give you're evil eye to Artie. You know he's right, you both are going to have bruises and/or have to take a shower when you get home if you keep trying to eat that way," Brittany scowled, and though Brittany was still as scary as a kitten when she wasn't actually pissed, Santana mumbled under her breath and let Rachel move away from but kept their hand laced together. She knew the blonde was right, plus kind of like with Rachel she was never able to deny her best friend anything she was for when she gave her that look.

"Happy?" She grumbled. Brittany only smiled and nodded, while Artie slowly straightened himself back up. He thought he was over being scared of the cheerleader but that glare was terrifying.

The rest of the double date went great. The two couples spoke about everything they could think of. Brittany went into one of her long tales about Lord Tubbington's adventures. They all paid extreme attention to the story, not just because they knew it would hurt the dancers feelings if they didn't but they were generally interested. Brittany's story however far-fetched, were always entertaining.

The couple parted ways after dinner; Brittany and Artie going a second location for the rest of their date so they could have some alone time together, while Rachel and Santana made their way to Rachel's house. It was Saturday night so Santana didn't have to go home. The two had the rest of the night all to themselves and Rachel knew exactly what she wanted to do, but she wasn't sure how to get Santana to agree to it.

While they cuddled on the bed, Rachel slowly started to move her hand up and down her girlfriend's sides. When the girl sighed contently, the diva grew more confident and added a little more pressure. Santana though assumed her girlfriend wanted to make out and leaned down to begin kissing the diva. She looked up at her girlfriend confused when she pulled away from her refusing the kiss.

"Can I give you a massage?" Rachel asked shyly ducking her head. Santana blinked a couple of times before answering.

"You want to give me a massage?" She asked and Rachel nodded. "Well I can give you one instead if you want. It would feel really good," Santana tried to deflect back. Though she wasn't really sure why, a massage sounded perfect right now, especially one given by her incredibly sexy girlfriend. She tilted her head to the side even more confused now when Rachel frowned and ducked her head even further.

"I would really like to give you one if that's alright. I want to make you feel good, your muscles are really tense," Rachel explained in a soft voice. One Santana hadn't heard from the girl since their romantic relationship first started. She knew this meant the girl was unsure of herself. Then she remembered her conversation with Puck, and that's when it was decided. She was going to let Rachel just take care of her in this moment.

"Of course you can baby, I just wanted to ask you as well. How do you want me?" She asked kissing the blush that started to form on her cheek.

"Just lay down on your stomach. . ." She started and then paused. Santana lay down thinking she was done talking. When Rachel hadn't started anything, she looked back to see her girlfriend still standing there with a deep blush on her cheeks.

"What is it baby?" She asked concerned.

"This would probably be easier if. . . Well if. . ." She stumbled. Santana got up and stood in from of the smaller girl. She cupped her cheek in an attempt to ease her nerves in whatever she was trying to tell her.

"If what babe? You can tell me," She encouraged.

"It would probably be easier if you took off your shirt and bra," Rachel said just above a whisper, but because the cheerleader was so close and spent months learning to listen closely when the diva spoke like this, she heard every word. Her eyebrow rose as Rachel's blush increased. Her lips quickly formed into a smirk.

"If you wanted to get me naked all you had to do was ask babe," She teased at she began pulling at the hem of her shirt.

"No," Rachel practically screamed as she stopped her girlfriend from removing her shirt. Santana raised her eyebrow again this time in confusion instead of amusement.

"I mean it's suppose to be so I can put the massage oil on and stuff, and wait until I turn around to undress," Rachel shot off quickly. Her facing becoming hotter and hotter by the second.

"What? You don't want to see my body? My amazingly sexy body I might add," Santana teased again.

"No. . . I mean of course I do. . . It's just that. . . I don't. . ." Santana chuckled as her girlfriend became more flustered. She finally took pity on the girl and took her into her arms with a huge smile.

"I know baby and I promise nothing is going to happen except your amazing hands working those awful knots out of my muscles. And babe you can look all you want, I have no problem changing or being naked in front of you. You make me completely comfortable and before you even think it, it's okay if you're not comfortable with changing or being naked in front of me. But if you are uncomfortable with seeing me topless right now then just say so and I'll wait until you turn away or I'll turn around," Santana offered gently, she smiled at her sweetly. Rachel was still extremely embarrassed but she was able to compose herself enough to answer.

"I'm still uncomfortable changing in front of anyone, even you," Rachel confessed, Santana just nodded accepting that. "And though I'm a little nervous and embarrassed to admit I am not uncomfortable with seeing you. . . That way," She answered chocking on the last part. Santana couldn't help but giggle again, finding her girlfriend to be just too damn adorable and innocent.

"It's okay to be nervous baby girl, but please don't be embarrassed. The fact that you want to see me that way is flattering," She assured, Rachel nodded though still a little flushed. "So is it okay for me to take my shirt off, or do want to turn around?" She asked just to be sure.

"Yeah, it's okay, go ahead," Rachel agreed after taking a deep breath. She honestly wasn't sure how she was going to react but she wasn't prepared for the ache between her thighs when her girlfriend's four pack abs appeared. Her well-endowed breasts were still confined to their red laced prison. The diva couldn't keep her now dry mouth closed as she lost all sense of thought and just stared mindlessly at her beautiful girl.

Santana blushed at her girlfriend's burning lust filled gazed. Though she felt a little awkward under the stare she couldn't help but find amusement in the girl's reaction.

"Might want to close your mouth babe, before you start catching flies," Santana joked patting her girlfriend's cheek lightly which made the diva snap out of it. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and looked up apologetically at the cheerleader.

"Can I remove my bra, or are we going to need to hose you down?" She teased, laughing as Rachel huffed indignantly.

"Seriously babe, can you handle the rest without jumping me?" She meant to be serious she really did. She just couldn't help it; Rachel was so much fun to tease.

"Santana," Rachel whined her cheeks becoming so red that it looked like she had really bad sunburn.

"Okay, okay I'll stop," She laughed and pulled Rachel close to her body. Which so didn't help calm her down, being pressed up against her girlfriend perfect half naked upper body.

"Honestly serious this time, do you need me to turn around for the next part?" She asked.

"I think I'll be fine," She said her mouth starting to go dry again. Santana nodded and removed her bra. Rachel felt her legs go week as she saw the perfect breast for the first time. Santana noticed this and held onto her waist so she wouldn't fall over.

"You're so beautiful," Rachel husked when she got her bearings. She leaned up and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Go lay on your stomach baby, I'll go get the massage oil. What scent do you want?" She asked breathlessly. Santana pulled away and made herself comfortable on the bed as she thought about it, effectively hiding her breast from view. The only problem was that Rachel found her toned back just as sexy.

"Do you have cinnamon vanilla?" She asked.

"Of course I do," Rachel replied and went to get the bottle.

When she got back got back, she carefully straddled her girlfriend's waist. She pulled some of the oil in her hand and rubbed her hand together to warm it up. She started with soft touches before applying more pressure. Working the oil into the skin and relaxing the tense muscles. Santana moaned softly, it felt so amazing.

She had forgotten how much she loved getting a massage and she wondered why the hell she hadn't asked Rachel to do this before, because the girl's hands were amazing. They moved so gracefully along her skin, always applying the right amount of pressure to the right spots. When Rachel was sure she worked out every last knot and that Santana was completely relaxed, she un-straddled her girlfriends hip and took her in her arms. She was amazed at how easily Santana gave up control after that massage and let her hold her.

"Feel better baby?" She asked tightening her arms around the petite frame.

"Much," She answered as she smiled up lazily at the girl. "Do you think we can do this more often?" She asked shyly. Rachel giggled at the girls reddening cheeks, finally seeing why Santana found it so adorable.

"Of course baby," She said and kissed the top of her head. They laid there for a few minutes before Rachel shifted uncomfortably.

"Um sweetheart," Rachel said getting her attention.

"Mmhmm, yea babe?" the Latina asked sleepily.

"Do you think you could maybe put on a shirt? Because I don't think I can control myself much longer if you don't," Rachel informed her shyly. Santana laughed loudly.

"Of course honey," Santana kissed her red cheek and got up to find a sleep shirt, leaving a still slightly flustered Rachel on the bed.


	35. Chapter 35

Title: Tainted Star

Chapter 35

Author: Phoenix

Rating: M for strong sexual themes, violence and language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having do with it.

A/N: This chapter is unbetaed for now because I didn't want to make you guys wait any more, it will be replaced with the edited one when it is sent to me. So on the the apologizes. Writers block was part of it, but also Cory's death kind of shook me up and had a hard time writing Finn's scene in this even though its in a positive way. Also I started a new very hectic job. Last very recently I lost a friend in a car crash and was really shook up for a while and just couldn't find the will to write until now. So please forgive me I promise I will try not to let this happen again.

RIP Cory Monteith and Kaitlyn we love and miss you. You both brought greatness to this world that will be greatly missed.

* * *

><p>Rachel sat in the choir going over some sheet music, while her girlfriend was at cheer practice. Santana had told her she could wait on the bleachers but Rachel had decided to make use of the quiet choir room while she could. Santana was hesitant because there where still many people who didn't like Rachel being under the protection of the Unholy Trinity and would love a chance to get her alone. Rachel brushed her off and said she was being over protective and that she could handle herself. Santana didn't even really have a chance to answer as she was dragged away by Quinn and Brittany, both in fear of being late and having to endure the wrath of Sue Sylvester. Rachel shook her head and let out a little giggle at a frazzled Santana being pulled away by her best friends.<p>

Rachel went over each arrangement meticulously, they still had a little ways until Nationals but she wanted to be sure everyone was on there A game. That meant performing each number as if they were on the Nationals stage. As always Mr. Schue left the task of arranging the songs up to Rachel. Now the tiny brunette often didn't mind this because this was something she loved to do. She just wished Mr. Schue would once in a while at least help, because honestly right now Rachel had a lot on her shoulders right now.

Speaking of a lot on her shoulders Rachel reached into her bag and pulled out the different songs she was considering for her NYADA audition. It was coming up really fast, she had gotten her letter saying that she was getting an audition a while ago, as well did Kurt. The celebration with all the serious stuff that had went on. Now that the date for the audition was nearing though, Rachel couldn't ignore it anymore, this was her dream and she was going to everything she could to make it come true. If only she could narrow down her selection and actually get to work on perfecting it would be a great help.

Someone clearing their throat loudly broke her out of her inner battle. She looked at the door to find Finn leaning on the door jam with a timid smile gracing his lips.

"Hello Finn, did you need the choir room for anything?" She asked politely. Though Finn was clearly no longer angry or trying to get in the way of Rachel and Santana. Thing were still slightly awkward as he tried to get over Rachel. He was almost sure he was over her enough to move on, and finally try to maintain a friendship with her and Santana.

"Umm no, I was actually looking for you and hoping you could maybe help me with something?" He asked nervously. Rachel narrowed her eyes, she was suspicious of what he was going to ask of her, but she gave him the benefit of the doubt because things have been good between them lately.

"What do you need help with?" She asked, she motioned for him to come sit by her, which he did. He sat a respectful distant away from her, Rachel smiled at that. Before he would have been right up next to her, invading her personal space.

"Well I'm trying to figure out where my life is going. You know like what I want to do," He rambled, his voice showing his nerves. Rachel knew him well enough to know he was scared both because of their rocky past and that she would see him as a Lima loser for not knowing what he wanted to do.

"Well have you started to come up with idea's of what you might want to look into at least?" She asked sweetly, trying to let him know she in no way is thinking any less of him because of this.

"Well, sort of. I applied to the University of Lima, I'm thinking of maybe studying teaching, you know like Mr. Schue. The other option is to follow in my fathers footsteps and go into the army," He answered with more pep in his voice. Rachel nodded listening to every word.

"Well those are both very admirable choices. I don't think I can really go over pros and cons with you because I do not know enough about either of them. Have you thought about talking to someone in each of those fields. Mr. Schue being the obvious for teaching of course," Rachel recommended.

"Well no I hadn't, I just knew you had a good plan with your life and was hoping you could give me some direction on how to start figuring out mine," Finn said sounding disappointed.

"No one can really tell you how to plan out your life Finn, that is ultimately up to you. There are people out there who can help though," She suggested again and waited to the normally slow boy to catch up to what she is trying to say.

"Yea your right, Mr. Schue would know what I need to do for teaching and Burt told me once he knows someone who is in the navy. Maybe he could help me figure out if that life is good for me," He said smiling finally figuring out what Rachel was trying to tell him.

"Thanks Rach," He said with that genuine boyish smile. Rachel smiled back feeling like she finally was starting to get their friendship back. She missed the boy who was the first person to be openly nice to her in public.

"It is no trouble Finn, I am always willing to help a friend. If there is anything more I can do to help in the future once you make your decision please do ask, I will do my best to help," Rachel offered kindly, Finn smiled wider. If he couldn't be with her then he was glade he smartened up enough to be friends with her.

"I will," He replied before standing back up and making his way out of the choir, with a clumsy little skip in his step. Rachel couldn't help but giggle at that. Her smiled however was instantly washed away when not only a few minutes later a boy the Rachel only recognized as one of the basketball players.

"Hello Rachel," He greeted with a cocky smile, that made Rachel sit straight up in her chair.

"I'm sorry do I know you?" She asked, because yea she may have seen him play at the games that she went to watch Finn play in when they were dating, she was sure she had never spoken to the boy. Than again almost everyone in this town knew her name with a the publicity the trial drew in.

"Well we've never met directly, I'm Nolan Prescott," He introduced himself holding out his hand. Rachel tentatively shook it, still unsure of his intentions.

"Well what can I do for you Mr. Prescott?" She asked politely, hoping to get this over with quickly as possible. She was never one to turn down the opportunity of making a friend, but she was almost sure she had seen this boy hanging around with Lexi's group. So though she didn't want to judge before knowing all the facts, she was still going to be cautious. Nolan laughed at her overly formal response.

"Ha, that was almost kinda cute," He told her and she just rolled her eyes at him. Barely paying attention to what should have been an insult to her.

"But seriously I came to talk to you about Santana," He said shuffling his feet with what seemed to be nerves. Rachel attention perked up immediately.

"What about Santana? Is she okay? Did she get hurt in practice?" She asked her questions coming out in rapid fire. Worry filling her entire being.

"Whoa, calm down I'm sure she's fine," He replied quickly, holding up his hands as if to put an emphasis on his point. Rachel slowed down her breathing and when she finally calmed down enough she narrowed her eyes at him.

"So why do you want to talk about Santana?" She asked this time with her guard up. She squard her shoulder and tried to make herself look bigger, but it was of no use considering the boy at 6'2 dwarfed her.

"Well you guys are like really close, and I was like wondering if maybe you could put in a good word for me," He answered suddenly becoming shy again.

"A good word? A good word for what?" She asked honestly confused.

"You know, for like a chance at a date with her," He answered a smile spread over his face as he thought about it.

Rachel mouth dropped, complete and utter disbelief etched right onto her face. Santana and Rachel had been out to the whole school since the beginning. She was sure there wasn't one person who didn't know about them being together. Even if this had gotten by this one individual, she knows the truth about Santana being a lesbian could not have. Being the optimist that she is though, she gave him the benefit of the doubt and hoped he was just making a error in his judgement.

"Nolan, you do know that not only is Santana gay, but she and I are in a relationship together. Right?" She asked trying to give him a way out of acting like a total jerk.

"Oh, I know," He said not skipping a beat. "I mean I honestly don't have anything wrong with gays, but I don't think either of you are really gay, I mean you guys are way to hot well Santana is but you okay enough, so you can totally join in anytime we get it on. I know you guys are doing this to not only prove a point about your father but to get some attention from us guys," He said a with confident smile, he was trying to pull off the innocent boyish grin but only came of as a boy who is full of himself.

Rachel was absolutely appalled by what was being said. She never thought anyone would have such nerve in their life. Yes, she had heard of people having this opinion on lesbian's, but she had never thought she would come across it in her life.

"I. . . I can't even believe that you would even suggest any of that. Santana and I are very much gay, and we are very much in love with each other. To even suggest that that you don't have a problem with homosexuality and then spout off that hate and ignorance is just plan unimaginable," She started shouting, her body shaking with rage and she could feel her blood pressure rising by the second.

"You get one thing straight buddy. Santana is my girl and she would never choose you over me. So stay away from her," and with that she stormed out of the choir and found and empty bathroom as far away from the choir room as she could.

She splashed cold water on her face, as slowly started to even out her breathing. She felt her body slowly start to relax as all the energy seemed to be just sucked out of her. As the rage left her body, insecurity replaced it. Nolan Prescott was a good looking boy. Sandy blonde hair, with bright blue eyes, a muscular body and a smile that made most girls melt. Now she knew Santana would never even give him a second glance, but she also knew there were plenty of girls out there who were that gorgeous that would be competing for Santana affection.

She knew Santana had given her, her heart. She just couldn't help but fear that when they got out in the world and those type of girls who like girls back would appear, would Santana still feel the same way about her. Before she could even come to a conclusion for that, her phone buzzed with a panicked text from Santana asking where she was. She quickly cleaned herself up, replied and headed to meet her girlfriend, pushing her insecurities into the back of her mind and putting on her best show face.

* * *

><p>Rachel never liked parties. They were crowded and loud and drunk people tended to forget their was such a thing called personal space. So when Santana suggested that they attend Puck's party, Rachel was every hesitant, but one look at her girlfriends pout had her giving in. It was totally worth spending a few hours of torture to see Santana's face light up like that.<p>

Rachel sat on the side line nursing a soda to her chest, as she watched her girlfriend on the dance floor with Brittany. Quinn and Rory dancing right next to them. Artie was sitting right next to Rachel, and though both their significant others had tried to get them to join them, they both declined. Artie was afraid he would wheel over someone's feet and Rachel was afraid Santana would find her lack of party dancing skills completely un-sexy. Though both girls pouted and begged neither would give in and the dance floor was just to tempting for either girl to resist.

The party was full of drunk teenagers grinding up against each other. This was something Rachel was very uncomfortable with, because of the memory of how her father was when he was drunk. Though still delivered a beating when he was sober, they were always ten times worse when he was intoxicated. This is why Santana had vowed not to drink to the point of being drunk around her girlfriend. Though she was definitely not an angry drunk, in fact her was a drunk that sobbed over everything, she knew it would freak Rachel out and that's the last thing she wanted to do. Quinn also opted out on getting drunk, she knew she could get mean when she was and also the last time she got drunk it ended in a way she didn't want to repeat again. So they both had at the most had a two drink limit for themselves, and then they would switch to either soda or water.

Rachel and Artie had to laugh at Brittany's and the rest of the glee clubs antics though, because unlike the other two the rest of the club got very drunk. Santana was currently trying very hard to keep Brittany from stripping, while the gossip twins along with Tina where laughing uncontrollably at the fish in fish tank. What was so funny they had no idea, but at least they were having fun.

"Don't you think you should try to go help San with Brittany?" Rachel asked Artie while raising an eyebrow. The tall blonde had managed to get her shirt off and was trying to get her bra off, which Santana was struggling to keep from happening as a bunch of drunk boys were cheering for her to take it all off.

"The only thing that will result in is her dragging me to a secluded room," Artie said in a way that Rachel knew exactly what would happen in that room. She made a face because eww that was her brother.

"Okay so did not need to know that, but seriously isn't that a good thing for you?" She asked confused.

"She's drunk, I don't want to take advantage of her like that. Even though we have a regular sex life, I don't want to do anything when she might not be able to really know what she's doing," Rachel made a face once again at first because again eww, brother. Then she smiled though because seriously not many people out there who would respect their partner like that. She was so lucky that Santana was like that as well.

"I totally get that, and admire you for it, but seriously go help because those guys are starting to get handsy and Santana can't hold them off forever," Rachel stated, not starting to get concerned as she watch Brittany try to push away a drunk football player who was trying to kiss her with the help of Santana.

Artie nodded and rolled over he had just been afraid he wouldn't be able to defend her. But he purposely rolled over the guys foot and successfully got him away from his girlfriend. He offered his lap to the slightly sobered girl who cuddled in quickly, he thanked Santana as he rolled her into the kitchen to get her some water. Santana noticed her girlfriend standing alone in the corner and walked over to her with a smile.

"Hey baby, are you having fun?" Santana asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, it's great," Rachel lied through her teeth which made Santana sigh.

"Rach, please don't lie because you think you might upset me," Santana stated sternly. Rachel sighed and nodded.

"I'm sorry San, I told you this wasn't my thing," Rachel confessed with a shrug. "But it is something you like, so I'm more then willing to be here for you," She told her with a smile.

"Well it's not as fun as it use to be," Santana confessed. Rachel raised an eyebrow before sighing.

"I told you San, you can drink more if you want to. I promise I won't get freaked out," Rachel said crossing her arms in front of her chest, she shoulders sulking. She suddenly felt like a horrible girlfriend who was keeping the love of her life from having fun.

"Rae-Rae, I don't need to drink to have fun, at least not anymore," She answered sincerly, she placed her hands around her girlfriend stiff waist.

"Then what do you need?" She asked curious.

"My beautiful and sexy girlfriend to dance with me," She answered with a sly smile, kissing her girlfriends cheek then neck. Which made Rachel squirm and melt under her touch.

"San. . ." Rachel whined. "You know I can't dance," She tried to complain.

"That's complete bullshit and you know it. Sure you may not be Brittany or Mike, but babe you know how to move that body of yours," Santana teased with a smile, Rachel shook her head forcing herself not to smile.

"I can dance when it choreographed. This is. . . Well I'm just not sure I'll be any good at it," She said with a blush as she looked down so that she didn't have to meet her girlfriends eyes.

"Rachel Berry not good at something, nah that could never happen," Santana joked with a laugh before frowning again when she got no reaction out of the little diva. She placed two fingers under her chin and lifted her head up so that their eyes were forced to meet.

"Babe, I'm sure you'll be fine and even if you don't get it right away I don't care. This is just about us being together and having a good time," She told her sweetly leaning in until their heads pressed against each other gently. "Okay?" She asked to make sure Rachel understood what she was trying to say. The little diva nodded as she leaned in and gently placed a quick kiss on her girls lips. She took a deep breath before taking her hand and leading the taller girl back out to the dance floor.

They danced face to face for a while, Santana letting Rachel get use to the beat and become comfortable with the unfamilar territory. After it seemed like Rachel was getting into it, Santana turned her around so that Rachel's back pressed up against her front. Rachel froze at the sudden change but calm quickly when she felt the familar lips against her ear.

"Just follow the beat," The Latina whispered, slowly starting to move her hips with the music. Rachel followed her action, her body to stiff as she clumsily tried to move in time with her girlfriend.

"Relax baby, just move with my hips," Santana suggested while she kissed the blushing cheek. Rachel though, just couldn't get comfortable as she felt like her body was moving in directions she wasn't telling it to.

"You know if you were dancing with me it would be much more hot, then whatever it is that dwarf is doing," Both girls stopped all movement and turned towards the voice that had interrupted them. Santana raised her eyebrow in annoyance at the boy as Rachel shoulders dropped in way Santana could only describe as defeat.

"Um eww. . ." was all she could get out before trying to usher Rachel away from this fool, before he said something that upset her angel and pissed her off.

"Come on baby, you know you want me. You don't need that charity case to gain my attention anymore," He said confidently. Santana whirled around to face him, she's had enough.

"For one don't you ever call me baby again, Rachel is the only one who gets to call me that. Two the only charity case I see around here is you. Three if you ever disrespect my girlfriend like that again you won't have that pathetic little friend of your between your legs anymore. Got it?" She asked, her voice ice cold, she was inches away from his face, fist tightening ready to strike at any moment.

"Like I told your girlfriend early. I know you want me," He answered clearly not getting the message. Santana looked back at Rachel confused, but the diva only hung her head low, her lack of self confidence showing through.

"Were you living under a rock when I came out or something? I like soft skin and full lips, not callused hands or anything you got," She argue her whole body shaking with rage.

"Oh honey I know that you coming out was just a stage, you are just trying to get us guys attention, because babe you are much to beautiful to be a dyke like RuPaul here," He said putting his hand around her waste and tried to lean in closer to kiss her. She tried to shove him off but couldn't, before his lips could touch her's she felt him being roughly pulled away from her. Relief washed over her and to her surprise she saw her tiny girlfriend step up the the boy with a purpose and effectively knee him in the groin hard which had him singing a soprano that would put Kurt to shame as he fell to the floor.

"This dyke just made sure that you can infect the human race with anymore of your idiotic, caveman, homophobic DNA. If you ever touch my girlfriend again, no if you ever look at her again I will castrate you," Rachel growled before stalking away in a huff, pulling Santana after her.

"You're out of here Prescott," She heard Puck yell and saw him and most of the glee guys as well as a few of the other football player kick him out of the party before she and Rachel disappeared through the kitchen and into the backyard.

"I have never met someone so delusional in my life," Rachel ranted still seething with the memory of his hands on her girlfriend.

"Don't let it get to you, babe. He had absolutely no chance in hell, I mean come on he had the wrong parts," She said with a laugh. Yeah, she was pissed about what had just happened. Especially the parts where he insulted Rachel, but there are idiots like him out there all over the place. They couldn't let them get into their heads.

"But what about when they do have a chance?" Rachel asked her voice suddenly incredibly lower then a few minutes ago.

"Rach what. . ." Before she could finish her answer a girl neither of them recognized came outside.

"Aren't you two freezing?" She asked with a tiny smirk on her lips as she held out a sweater. Santana looked over at her barely giving her a second glance, as Rachel confidence even more in noticing how beautiful this girl was. She thought there was no way she could compete with this girl.

"Uh yeah, we should probably head back inside," Santana said not noticing the way Rachel's shoulders slumped.

"No you can use my sweater," She said sweetly, wrapping it around Santana's shoulders. The Latina squirmed uncomfortably.

"That's nice of you but if you're going to offer give it to her. She's tiny so she needs more heat," She joked winking at her girlfriend gaining a small smile out of her.

"Yeah, but she has long sleeves on you don't," was the girls counter offer. Santana just shrugged sending a confused look at Rachel. Who the hell was this girl?

"I'm sorry who are you?" Rachel asked. The tall brunet glared at Rachel to a half a second before smiling sweetly again.

"I'm Elena Rios, I go to Carmel," She answered looking directly at Santana the whole time even though is was Rachel who asked the question.

"Why are you at a McKinley party?" Santana asked curiously. It wasn't often that Carmel and McKinley integrated nicely.

"My cousin goes to McKinley, he invited and convinced me with the promise that a bunch of hot girls would be here," She answered with a smirk and a wink. Rachel's breathing became quicker as it seemed her worst nightmare was coming true.

"Oh really?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yup and he was totally right," She said trying to subtly move closer to the darker girl. Rachel couldn't take it anymore as she ran back into the house and tried to keep the tears at bay.

"Rachel, wait!" Santana called as she tried to run after her, but Elena stopped her.

"Don't worry about her, I'm sure she's fine. Why don't you and me go somewhere a little more private and get to know each other better?" Elena asked seductively.

"Excuse me?" Santana asked completely amazed, knowing this girl had to have witnessed the throw down with Prescott, therefore she had to know she was taken, by the very girl that had just run out of here.

"You heard me, I think we could have an amazing night together and maybe even many more," She said her voice low and suggestive. Santana looked at her as if she was crazy.

"In case you didn't realize that girl who just ran out of here is my girlfriend," She said forcefully pushing the girl away from her and shoving the sweater back in her hands.

"Oh baby, you can do so much better then that thing," Elena said with a laugh. Santana felt nothing but rage then.

"That thing is the most beautiful girl in the entire world and I love her with all my heart and soul. You are absolutely nothing compared to her, and I barely even gave you a second glance when you came out here. So stop being a pathetic little slut that tries to steal other people's girlfriends but honey your not worth the heartache it would cause," and with that Santana left the girl shocked outside in the freezing cold as she went to find the girl that meant everything to her.

* * *

><p>Santana made her way back into the house and could find no sign of her girlfriend anywhere. She was starting to get frantic when she ran into Brittany and Artie.<p>

"Have you guys seen Rachel?" She asked completely out of breath from running around the entire house.

"She made Quinn drive her home, she was really upset and wouldn't tell any of us what was wrong. We have actually been looking for you to try to find out what happened," Artie explained as Brittany nodded as if to confirm what he had said.

"Did you and Rach have an argument about Prescott, because I kicked him out," Puck asked coming up behind her.

"No, this girl from Carmel came up to us while we were outside and started flirting with me," She answered.

"Did you flirt back?" Finn asked coming out of nowhere.

"No Finnocence, of course I didn't I barely even noticed her. Though she did creepily drape her sweater over my shoulders, but I thought she was just being nice because I have no sleeves and its like twenty degrees out," Santana said already trying to defend herself because she knew she was naive to the girls advances when she first appeared.

"Really Satan, you can usually tell when someones flirting with you by just one look," Puck said shaking his head.

"Yeah well, since Rachel I don't notice anyone else. Rachel is the only one that matters to me now," Santana confessed while blushing. All of them knew better then to try to make a comment about that so they just stayed silent.

"Artie can you come with me and let me into your house, something tells me she won't answer it for me and I know neither of your parents will be home tonight until really late," She asked looking at him hopefully.

"Yeah sure, Britt you want to drive behind us and then we can head back to your house after I let her in like we planned?" He asked looking at his girlfriend. The tall blonde nodded, her only concern was getting Santana to Rachel before something bad happened that would break both of them.

They made it back to the Abrams' and Artie let her in, telling her good luck before he wheeled himself back to his girlfriends car. Santana took a deep breath before entering the house. She had no idea what she would find when she found her girlfriend. She heard chattering in the kitchen and headed that way and what she found broke her heart. There was the love of her life sitting at the island in the middle of the kitchen, shaking as she tried to hold back her tears, as her best friend did her best to try to comfort and reassure her.

"Hey. . ." Santana said quietly, but she caught the attention of both girls as they turned towards her.

"How did you get in?" was all Rachel asked her voice low and shaky.

"Artie let me in before leaving with Brittany. Rach, I think we need to talk," Santana said moving a step closer, jumping right to the point.

"Just get it over with Santana, please don't drag it out," Rachel said as she tried to make her voice sound strong.

"Get what over with?" She asked honestly confused.

"Just break up with me already," She yelled her voice breaking as the tears finally broke free.

"What? Rachel I would never break up with you, I love you," Santana told her passionately looking at Quinn for help, but the blonde only shrugged she didn't know what to do either. She's been trying to get through to Rachel since they left the party.

"Oh please Santana that girl was a hundred times more beautiful then me, you should be with someone like her. Both you and me know this," Rachel argued back folding her arms across her chest as she stood up.

"I barely even noticed that girl Rachel, because when your around all I can is you and when your not around all I do is try to find your face in the crowd of people around me. You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me and I'm just saying this because I want to get into your pants, or even because I love you. From the moment I saw you I thought no one could ever be more beautiful then you and from that moment I knew I was going to fall hard for you," She told her truthfully. Rachel stood speechless unsure how to respond as Quinn stood off the the side awkwardly.

"Um I'm just going to go. Listen to her Rach," She said before giving them both a quick kiss on the cheek and leaving the house.

"Why did you let that girl flirt with you?" Rachel asked.

"I didn't even realize she was. Honestly Rach, you are the only one I notice anymore. If I had known I would have acted the same way I did with Prescott. Trust me I laid into her when you ran," Santana told her moving a little bit closer when she noticed Rachel wasn't moving away she gently took her hands in her own.

"They're right though, to most people I'm not the typical beauty. When we go to New York there are going to be thousands of Elena's that are even more beautiful and lesbians. You're a gorgeous woman Santana and everyone expects you to have a typical all American girl on your arms, Not a short, big nosed Jewish girl who has scars all over her body," Rachel told her while tears fell from her eyes. Santana gently wiped them away.

"You're wrong Rachel, everyone expects me to have the typical all American boy on my arm. That's not stopping me from being the lady lover that I am. I don't want the all American girl, I want my beautiful Jewish princess who is like no other beauty out there. As for your scars, they just make you more beautiful to me because they tell your story, a personal one that only I will ever be able to see, because I don't plan on letting you go Rachel Berry. One day I plan marrying you and no hot shot all American beauty pageant lesbian is going to come between us," Santana told her passionately. At that moment Rachel lost it and attacked Santana's full lips, locking them into the most passionate kiss they had ever shared. Once they finally needed air they pulled apart and rested their heads together.

"What about you, do I need to worry about you wanting to get your sweet lady kisses on with the all American beauties in New York?" Santana asked mostly joking, but Rachel could the the slightest bit of insecurity in her girlfriends eyes slipped out.

"Since the day I realized that I liked girls, your the only one I have ever truly wanted to be with. Someday I want to marry you as well Santana Lopez and I plan on taking your last name," Rachel confessed truthfully. This time it was Santana who lost control and kissed Rachel with everything she had. Pulling her closer and slipping her hand under her girlfriend shirt. She ran her nails down her girlfriends back adding a little more pressure then she normally would gaining a moan from the diva.

Rachel pulled away leaving Santana breathless. She looked up at the Hispanic woman she loved more then anything and bit her lip nervously.

"What's wrong baby?" She asked her voice husky and low, but still concerned at her diva's sudden shyness.

"San, I think I'm ready."


End file.
